[emotional guitar] Woman 1: My name is Rachel Galbraith, and when I was a little girl all I wanted was to hear my daddy say that he was proud of me.

And then he passed away when I was 12, and I never felt like that was resolved.

And so, like, I've spent the remainder of those years, from the time that I was 12 to the time that I'm 32 years old, trying to find that validation from outside sources, from all the people around me.

And I'm tired of that.

It needs to stop.

I wanna find the confidence within myself and be true to myself.

And so I'm taking this journey to learn about my ancestors, and to learn their stories and about their lives, and how they found the confidence within themselves to be true to who they were so that they could make it through the rough times that they experienced in their lives.

My name is Rachel Galbraith and this is my Generations Project.

[gentle guitar] [airplane engine roaring] [indistinct PA announcement] John F. Kennedy: Let the word go forth, from this time and place, that the torch has been passed to a new generation.

PJ: I really never thought that finding out about your ancestry could change you the way it's changed me.

♪♪ [slide fizzles out] My name is Rachel Galbraith.

I lost my dad when I was 12 years old.

Before his passing, I just wanted to know that he was proud of me.

He wasn't really vocal about that.

I didn't feel that validation from him, and so I worry that maybe something's not quite right with me.

I feel like I'm searching to fill that void, and I subconsciously spend the day trying to feel like people, in general, like me and are proud of me.

Just neighbors, and, um, just people I interact with every day, I worry about what they're thinking of me.

Man 1: When I first met her, it wasn't her looks, it wasn't her beauty; it was more of the attraction that she put others first.

She was always friendly to people and, and worrying about what, what they thought.

But at the same time, it can turn negative because of how obsessed she is with this.

Rachel: I finally had to go on an antidepressant, just to kind of balance me out.

I've had this 20-year void in my life.

I don't wanna go another 20 years feeling this way.

My husband wanted to run just a 5K, which is just over 3 miles, and I wouldn't do it.

I'd be out there with all these people looking at me like, Who is she?

Why, why is she here running with us?

[laughing] She's not a runner.

I would love to be able to just run, and not have to have all the outside sources, you know, the voices in my head telling me that the people next to me are laughing at me.

I just want to be able to feel good enough, that I don't have to please everybody around me.

I'm taking this journey to learn about my ancestors, and to learn their stories and about their lives, and how they found the confidence within themselves to be true to who they were.

My goal for the end of the journey is to be able to run a race and not worry about what's going on around me.

Which is exciting, but it's so scary — it almost makes me sick.

If I can finish this race, I think that's gonna give me such... pride in that accomplishment.

And that would make my dad proud.

[choking up] This journey will be a growing experience for me, because I know that people are gonna be watching and judging.

But I wanna do it.

Yeah, I do.

Because it's a... because overriding that is the fact that I wanna have that relationship with my dad.

And, and... feel connected to him.

And fill that void.

So if I have to put myself out there and let the world judge me so that I can feel whole, then I'm willing to do that.

[ding-dong] Hi, Mom.

Rachel's Mother: [laughs] Rachel: So, I've asked my mom to stop by to help me get started.

Rachel's Mother: 'Kay.

I brought something fun to look at.

[paper unfurling] - Wow.

- Here's your pedigree chart.

So tell me exactly what we're, what we're doing here.

What do you wanna know?

Rachel: You know, I don't know very much about Dad's side of the family, especially his mother's side of the family.

She died before I was born, so I never even knew her.

And so I just was really hoping that I could learn some stories about her and about her side of the family, so that I could just see how they found courage within themselves.

Uh, because I'm, I'm searching for that, I'm searching for just my own inner confidence.

- What we need to do is you need to talk to your Aunt Joan and to your Aunt Carol.

'Cause Aunt Joan is our family historian, and she could-- she'd know the stories of the grandparents, and could go back, and... and, of course, Carol was the youngest in the family, so she had a really tight bond with her mommy.

[laughs] So she would know a lot about-- uh, a lot of good stories about Grandma Doris.

And, and her name is Dorothy Youkstetter, but she went by Doris.

Her parents, you know, were German-- Rachel: Uh-huh.

Rachel's Mother: ... and they lived in Germany and then moved to Ireland, and her dad was a, was a butcher there — they had a butcher shop — and I really never got to know Doris because she died before I met your dad, so I, I really didn't ever know her.

Talk some more, this is fun.

Rachel: I wanna know more about Dad, and how he was as a father, and, um, more about his relationship with me and, and how he felt about me.

My big question that I always have had is what he would think of me now, and would he approve of the kind of life that I'm living?

Rachel's Mother: I just can't imagine...

I just can't imagine that he wouldn't have been thrilled with watching you grow and become who you've become.

Rachel: I just always kept thinking when I got to the next stage in life that finally he would tell-- you know, and, and, and I always thought, Oh, when I have, when I have my kids, he'll have to tell me, you know, that I have the most gorgeous children, things like that, and I never got that, you know, and so I f-- I felt like that, that... had-- would-- that just never got resolved, you know, and so I've spent my, my whole life... trying to prove to everybody else around me... that I, that I was good enough, you know?

- We were very, very much in love.

Rachel: Mm-hmm.

Eileen: And sometimes I wonder, um, now, looking back — and I never thought it then — but now, looking back, if his love for me... maybe sometimes got in the way of what you children were expecting.

These little pictures, I think-- I love, I love that one.

[laughs] Look at him, laughing at you.

That's how he felt about you, right there.

[sniffles] Rachel: Mm-hmm.

[sniffles] [emotionally] I just wish that this could've continued on, you know, that... that I would still have a daddy to... to talk to when I need a daddy.

Hopefully at the end of this I'll know that he's proud of me and proud of the things I've accomplished in my life.

I hope to just somehow know that at the end of all this.

[gentle music] I think that a good place to start my research would be with my father's older sister.

She seems to have a lot of family history knowledge, and she met her grandparents, she knew her mother, so I think she would be a good place to start.

Joan: My mom was just the ultimate homemaker.

That was what she always wanted to do, and she did it beautifully.

And, of course, you know she was an immaculate housekeeper.

And, um, none of us really measured up.

We-- [laughs] we would do our little jobs and then she'd come along behind and redo them because we just didn't get it quite the way she thought we ought to have it.

Rachel: What kind of r-relationship did, did my dad have with Grandma?

Joan: Oh, Rachel, he was just a treasure for her.

Rachel: [laughs] Joan: As he was for all of us.

In fact, we were in a fairly disciplined home.

Rachel: Did-- were they, were they very expressive in their love or their pride for you, or...?

- I always knew I was loved.

And I, I don't know.

Rachel: Yeah?

But they, they weren't ones that just would gush, but you knew that you were loved by... - They didn't gush, but I knew, and I knew that we were the most important thing in their lives.

We came here to this little cabin, and-- oh, it was wonderful.

You know, it didn't have all the modern conveniences, so I-- you know, in a way, we were like pioneers.

- Yeah.

- It didn't have a furnace.

And so all there was was a, a big fireplace between the living room and the kitchen.

It doesn't look all that different than it did 60 years ago.

[gentle guitar] We used to swing on this rope swing.

Rachel: Oh, yeah?

Joan: For Mike and Carol, they did this all day long, swinging on the rope swing.

Rachel: And would they splash down into the water?

Joan: Well, it just depended how, how agile they were.

Rachel: Yeah?

I can just see that.

What a fun place to, to spend your boyhood, you know?

- Why don't you swing on it?

Rachel: Oh, heavens.

Joan: You don't think that's safe?

Rachel: I don't know, will I fall into the pond?

Joan: You might, but we won't let ya.

Rachel: [laughs] Joan: You know, you just hook your foot on it.

Rachel: Okay.

Okay, are you ready?

Joan: There you go.

Get a good-- really good swing.

Rachel: [laughs] Being here has been great because I can see the fun side of my dad.

As a child, you see your father, he was just a very, uh, authoritative, you know, disciplinarian, didn't like a lot of roughhousing and playing, and, and here, seeing how he spent his childhood, just brings him into a whole new light.

♪♪ What I've learned about my grandma today is that she really did value home and family.

I mean, I can see the perfectionist streak coming down through, you know?

And I can see that in my dad — that's what I saw, you know, growin' up, and I've seen that passed on to me.

I feel that need to, to put on this display of perfection.

And so it causes stress and anxiety, and as I don't get to where I think I should be, you know, I get depressed about it, because I'm not, I'm not as perfect as I think I should be.

[music fades] I wanna learn about my grandmother, Dorothy, and what she valued most in life and was able to pass down through the generations to me.

Hi, Aunt Carol!

- Rachel, how are you?

Rachel: Good.

- Been such a long time since I've seen you.

Rachel: I know, it's so good to be here.

I want to learn about Grandma Doris.

And I specifically wanted to learn more about what she valued in life.

Carol: Well, I'll tell you, she really valued music.

My grandpa wanted his three girls that were old enough to go to a music-- the music academy, and they went to the Royal Irish Academy of Music.

Rachel: Wow.

Sounds like she was okay being in the spotlight, then.

She didn't mind-- - Well, she, she wasn't a real spotlight person, but she didn't mind performing on the piano.

- Okay, she was comfortable in that-- - She was so comfortable with it.

In 1922 was when they immigrated.

And it's just kind of an interesting little story, and maybe you could read it here.

- "On account of the musical talent available, "our family did quite a lot of entertaining "in the evenings "when they had the passengers entertain.

Doris played the piano and Fred the violin."

There she is.

Carol: There she is.

Rachel: And... yeah, she's playing the piano.

[laughs] Carol: Yes, yes.

Then, we get them in California, and your grandma and her sister Marie and the Garrison sisters formed a quartet.

Rachel: Okay.

Carol: "This quartet is heard regularly "from 9 to 10 o'clock on Wednesday evenings from KFI."

So they sang on the radio, for a year.

- Wow.

- A good year — this was in 1927.

You know, they were the first women's quartet to sing on radio in the Los Angeles area.

Rachel: Oh, wow.

I've spent lots of time at Carol's house, growing up, over the years, but we never just talked about my grandma.

Carol said that tomorrow there's a surprise waiting in store for me, and I'm excited to find out what that's gonna be.

This is crazy.

[laughing] Like, I'm, I'm like a deer in the headlights right now.

So, uh...

I don't, I don't even know what to say, I'm terrified.

But... but it'll be cool when it's over.

[laughs] [gentle guitar] I feel that need to put on this display of perfection.

I get depressed about it because I'm not as perfect as I think I should be.

[traffic passing] So I just came from my Aunt Carol's house, and she told me that my grandmother sang, which I knew, I knew that she was musical, uh, but I didn't know that she and her sister were in this quartet and that they, they did concerts all over.

[laughing] Uh, to me, that's terrifying.

Just the thought of, like, putting yourself out there, and... sh-- I guess, sharing something about yourself that people can so freely judge, uh, like your voice, I don't know if I would be able to do that, to just put myself out there.

My Aunt Carol says she has a surprise for me, I'm really excited to find out what that's gonna be.

But first, I'm gonna go meet with my Aunt Joan, and she's going to hopefully be able to tell me a little bit more about my great-grandparents, and about what their lives were like.

- And I just would love for you to read, right here.

- Okay.

- Starting right there.

- Okay, great.

This is from the journal of Marie Youkstetter.

"In the month of June 1884 "Luise and Marie were in bed with the measles "when their father came to kiss them 'goodnight'.

"It was the last time they saw him alive.

"The next morning "he was in the field on top of a wagon loading hay "when he lost his balance and fell off.

"His neck was broken, and as a result he died at the age of 50."

That's how old my dad was, when he passed away.

"When Luise was 15 years old and Marie 13 years old "their mother had a stroke "and died at the age of 59 years.

"These two girls made the funeral arrangements "and hired a carpenter to make a wooden coffin.

"One month later the girls left for England "after having sold the furniture to get the money necessary for the trip."

I mean, I, I get emotional... [choking up] thinking about these poor little girls, who lost their dad and then lost their mom, because that was always such a big fear of mine, as a little girl, was that, What would I do if my mom died?

And so to watch them pack up everything and move to another country-- Joan: All by themselves.

- All by themselves.

Joan: With very little in their suitcase.

- Yep.

Joan: Just, very little in their suitcase.

- They went on, and they... they persevered, and even though it was hard, they still-- they made it, and they turned into wonderful people.

Joan: And my mother used to say, Grandma never complained.

Grandma has never complained about anything.

But somewhere along the line, she met Grandpa.

Rachel: Okay.

Joan: And they were married, and then moved to Ireland.

And they had this little pork butcher shop, and the-- and as the family grew, they all lived up over the store.

Rachel: Oh.

Joan: And there-- they, they grew to be nine children.

Rachel: I knew they had a lot of children.

Joan: Yeah.

Rachel: And they all lived over the butcher shop?

Joan: And they all looked-- lived over the butcher shop.

And then he expanded and had another store.

Rachel: I didn't know anything about my great-grandparents, or their stories, and just the, the similarities between their lives and my life, losing a dad at a young age.

Yeah, my great-grandmother, Marie — her life was hard, ya know?

And, and here I am, worrying about what my neighbors think of me every day, where she-- you know, and I s-- [scoffs] I don't have all the trials she had.

It just shows me that I, I can't be afraid to just move forward, to just go for what my dreams are, and, and to not be afraid to steps out-outside of my comfort zone sometimes to achieve those things.

Women's quartet: ♪ Shadows of days ♪ ♪ that are gone ♪ ♪ dreams of the old days revealing ♪ ♪ memories of love's golden dawn ♪ ♪ memories ♪ - Wow.

Both: [laugh] - That was beautiful, thank you.

Carol: This reminds me so much of, of what their quartet must have been like.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Isn't that exciting?

That's very fun.

Did you know that Grandma Doris sang in the Tabernacle?

- No.

Carol: I am inviting you to walk in Doris's shoes, so that you can get your own validation, do something that's a little bit difficult for you.

- Yeah.

- And-- Both: [laugh] - ... and, uh, and perform.

And I-- w-would you like to do that?

Both: [laugh] Carol: I think you can, I know you can.

[laughs] - I c-- I'll do it, I will do it, I'm willing to step outside of that comfort zone.

I love to sing, I come from a really musical family, we sing all the time, but if I have to sing a solo, that is one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.

This is crazy.

[laughing] Like, I-- I'm like a deer in the headlights right now.

I don't even know what to say, I'm terrified.

Singing solos is the most terrifying thing I can do.

My-- I literally have panic attacks.

My fingers go numb, the tip of my nose goes totally numb, um, I can't breathe right.

I've gotta sing a song that I've only heard once, so that's even worse.

[laughs] If it was, like, a song I knew, maybe I'd feel a little more confident in it.

My grandmother loved to sing, and she loved to share her talents, and so, hopefully, dressed like this, I can get her support here with me.

And, um, hopefully I can just push through that fear and just do it.

♪ Childhood days, wild wood days ♪ Both: ♪ among the birds and bees ♪ All: ♪ You left me alone, but still you're my own ♪ ♪ in my beautiful memories ♪ ♪ Childhood days, wild wood days ♪ ♪ beneath the trees so green ♪ ♪ Memories ♪ [applause] Rachel: I was really scared, [laughs] but that was an incredible experience that I am so thankful that I got to have.

Something about knowing that my grandma was so confident and so comfortable in her musical ability has helped me to feel like I should be that confident as well.

We are in Pleasant Grove, Utah.

I wanted to come here because this was the house that my dad actually passed away in.

This was our family home.

This place holds a lot of emotion for me.

Um, it was a lot of years of, of growing, and changing, and, um... developing who I was.

And so this place holds a lot of-- a lot of meaning for me, and it's a-- it's a sacred place to me, almost.

[door squeaks open] Hi.

[laughs] My name is Rachel, and my family actually built this house 20 years ago, and I grew up here in this house, and we were wondering if we could come in and look around a little bit.

[laughs] Man 2: You know, let me, uh, let me get my wife.

- Okay.

Um, this was, this was my dad's office.

We would come in here and have, like, you know, interviews with my dad, and, and family meetings — a lot of important family meetings we held in here, at his big desk.

I used to have to weed this backyard.

That was my job in the summer, and it would make me cry 'cause it was so big, [laughing] and I had to do it by myself, and I hated it.

But I tried to be good about doin' it.

I, I don't know if you'd mind if I looked in your master bedroom.

Do you mind at all?

Okay, okay.

Yeah, I fell down these stairs all the time.

[laughs] So this... this was the room that was obviously my... [sniffles] [choking up] my parents' room — the blinds are the same.

[laughs] The blue blinds.

And, um, this was where they had their bed.

And, um, the night that my dad passed away, he was laying here on the bed.

We all sat on the bed together as a family and waited for the mortuary to come pick his body up.

I don't really remember crying, [laughs] that night.

And I don't think I cried enough, during that time.

I can't even talk.

[sniffles] That house just, like, symbolizes so much... to my family, and to me, and to who I have become.

This has been so good, you know, it's, it's felt so healing.

And, uh, part of healing is crying, it just is.

And so, this was important to me, to get to come here and to just be able to cry.

[sentimental music] It's been amazing to me how just learning about these people that came before me has, has just built me up.

And, and inside, I feel like a better person.

I feel like...

I'm-- I don't have to please the world around me.

That, that I am who I am, and that I'm proud of who I am because of where I came from.

The way I'm gonna prove this to myself this week is I'm going to run a race.

And not just a race.

[laughing] I'm gonna run a half marathon, 13 miles.

Uh, I'm so intimidated by it, I am, but I-- I'm excited.

Uh, after my experience in the Tabernacle, I realized things that were scary to me, I can just do, and I can just push through it, and I'm hoping to just be able to draw from the strength of my ancestors.

I think if I can do that, I can do anything.

Announcer: Go!

[crowd cheering and clapping] [uplifting music] [crowd chatter] [women cheering] - Man 3: Yeah!

Let's go!

Man 4: Woooo-hoooo!

[crowd chatter] [Rachel's supporters cheering] Rachel: I feel so good.

I feel so good.

It was an awesome run from start to finish, I didn't think that I was gonna make it those last five miles, and I did it and I feel awesome.

It, it wasn't as bad, and I was lookin' around and thinking, These people are just like me.

This week has brought such closure to me, for... losing my dad and missing that whole, whole link to my family.

I feel like I've received that, and I feel like I have things I can share with my children now about that part of their family that I just didn't even know before.

I'm absolutely a new person — I'm a better person, I'm a stronger person — and I'm just-- I mean, my goal was to finish strong, and I feel like I finished the race strong, and now I just have... just the rest of my life to keep goin'!

[supporters cheering and clapping] [music fades]