(jaunty flute music) (birds sing) - I'm not moaning, Lovejoy, but how many more trips?

- One more should do it.

- You know we're missing a rather crucial item, considering the circs.

- The bed, I know!

Your end up.

- Here comes the bride, Daddy by her side.

- Hello Amanda!

Hello, Ralph!

- [Ralph] Morning.

- Where's that godawful thing going, Lovejoy?

- This, my love, is a Sheraton , and as such will go in a very eminent position.

- But it's ugly!

- Is it ugly, Tinker?

- Exquisite.

- So that's official.

- What can we do for you?

- I wondered if you'd seen Roge.

- You've not lost him again!

- Sensible fellow, if you ask m. Big beating with my housekeeper, Francis Beauchamp, discussing the menu for the recn with the dear old-fashioned thi.

She wants to do something clever with fish.

See you.

(jaunty flute music) - Why is it some blokes always seem to land with their feet in the honey?

Take this fellow Roger, the one Amanda's marrying.

He walks in out of nowhere, and into a dowry like this.

Come on.

Look.

Bavarian china to eat his dinne.

Sheraton to put the Bavarian ch.

Chippendale for the after-dinne.

What did I start married life w?

Oh, yes.

I remember like it was.

Ah, wasn't too good a day then.

It was a card table, two fold-us and a packet of paper napkins.

Still, they say the early struge makes you a better person.

Who wants to be a better person?

- Lovejoy!

Scramble!

It's the third time this week, !

What the hell do you think you'?

- You really want me to spell i?

- My God, whoever christened yor had a feel for the right name, didn't they?

- I'm just saying goodbye to an old friend, Lovejoy.

- Have you tried shaking hands?

- And don't worry, once the vicar's done the busin, I'll be a model of propriety.

- Lovejoy, please don't say anything, please!

The job's everything to me!

- Go on.

- What's to do with you guys an?

- Well, nothing, I suppose, except that Ralph Peagram is more of a friend than a customer.

- Well, since you're here, let me thank you for the marvelb you've done with the furniture.

Should be just the sort of place a respectable man could settle .

Adios.

- I don't know much about love,, but shouldn't Amanda be told, or her father, perhaps?

- No, too many people get hurt that way, Tink.

Besides, Amanda thinks he's the bee's knees.

Ralph can't wait to have a toff in the family, and Francis Beauchamp's doing something clever with fish.

No, leave him.

Once he gets married, he'll set.

(jaunty string and clarinet mus) - Well, don't give us a hand, w?

- Oh, if you insist.

There's no sugar in this.

- Beds.

Lovejoy, Malcolm Tandy's your m. Beds for all occasions.

- Malcolm Tandy.

Why don't you two take a drive and see what he's selling these?

- Well, wouldn't it be better if we phoned him first, find out if he's got what we're?

- Why is he so smart when it's ?

- What have I done now?

- [Lovejoy] 'Cause I wanna surp, not send him a telegram!

The man owes me money!

- And that, dear boy, puts him on a par with the South American condor, a creature so rare folk would travel a thousand miles just to get a glimpse.

- Or in this case, just 50 up the motorway.

Ah-ha!

There you go!

- "I owe you £400.

Malcolm Tand" Is he good for it?

- Course he is!

Now, remember, it's a four-poster I'm after, elegant but study, dainty yet r. When you agree on a price, slap that down in front of him and watch a grown man cry.

And there is still no sugar in .

(jazzy music) - Here's to you, Francis!

You've done a marvelous job.

Hasn't she, Bill?

- I'll say!

- But I'm among savages.

Do you know that not one persone can name the main dish?

- Good Lord.

Really?

- Well, fish, ain't it?

- And nobody savors any more, t. I mean, look over there!

That furniture man talking to m. - Oh, Lovejoy, you mean.

I'll have you know, my darling, that Lovejoy is a man of impecce and great refinement.

Lovejoy!

- Excuse me.

- Have you met Francis Beauchamp, my housekeeper?

- Well, it's an ace bonfire, lo, I really pigged out on this sal.

- Salmon a la Grecque, actually, but never mind.

- Lovejoy.

Got something to show you in my.

New piece in the collection.

- See you later, Fran.

Save us the pudding, won't you?

(jazzy flute music) You should open this to Joe Pub.

- Why?

Can't stand the man.

- It's too good a collection to keep to yourself.

- Course, they're no better than trade themselves, you know, the Peagrams.

Made their pile in tin.

Ralph saw tin was on the blink, so he made a dash for plastics, caught it at the right time.

- Well, if I told you that I sad coming up the drive, what would?

- [Bill] I'd say we're in for a very interesting cabaret.

- Can I help you at all?

- Ralph or Lovejoy about?

- Surely you're not guests?

- My dear lady, do I look like the type who would barge in uninvited?

- Frankly, yes.

- Ah!

And how is married life suiting Mrs Hall?

- Well, put it this way.

If you see Mr Hall, tell him I .

- He's not at it again -- You haven't lost him today, sur?

- Lovejoy's in the study with D. Tinker?

That's hideous!

- [Ralph] What do you think of that, my friend?

- Magnificent.

- [Eric] Oliver Cromwell slept in that bed.

- Yes, it was just before the Battle of Coxhoe.

I remember the 42nd -- - Not very well, though.

- I don't want to sleep on hist!

I want to sleep on a soft mattr, with chintzy florals all over i!

Daisies, butterflies, sprigs of.

You're a sympathetic man, Tinke.

- It has been said.

Your very good health, Mrs Hall.

- I don't want a house full of old furniture!

I'm sick of it!

Can't you have a word with them, Dad and Lovejoy?

- I'll try.

But I have a little problem of my own to sort out first.

Eric?

Bring our passenger.

Thank you.

- Where did you get this, Ralph?

- Museum in Toronto going bust.

They were offloading -- (Tinker knocks on the door) Come in.

- Greetings, both!

I'm sorry I'm late, Lovejoy.

Pile-up at junction 13.

- [Ralph] Glad you could make i.

- You're smiling.

What's gone wrong?

- So young-ish, but cynical.

It's party time, Lovejoy, if you hadn't noticed!

- Did you get it?

- The bed?

Yes, it's down there in the trailer!

You do know that Amanda prefers the work of Terry Conran -- - How is Malcolm Tandy?

- Big.

Bigger, really.

- Did he pay the IOU?

- Oh yes, yes, he did.

Well, it wouldn't actually fit into my wallet.

- Why?

Did he pay you in pennie?

- No, no, no!

All in one piece.

- You've blown it, haven't you?

On some nag?

- Oh, good heavens.

I see you've got one of my favorite malts over there.

- And if you don't come clean in two or three seconds, I'll shove it right up your nos!

Now where's my money?

(Tinker laughs) Eric!

(comedic flute music) He's a thoroughbred, Lovejoy.

He's called Lassy, with a 'y'.

Lassy?

This is the nice gentlemn I was telling you about.

- I know you deal in antiques, , but this is ridiculous!

(Ralph chuckles) - Malcolm was a bit strapped, L, and like I said, big.

- He's got terrific form though.

He's won seven races this seaso!

And he's down to run another at Bungay, Friday week!

- Good luck at Bungay!

(comedic flute music) Good luck at Bungay!

Deaf, as well as fat.

- In my opinion, Lovejoy, it's a pretty good investment.

- Yeah, Lovejoy, and we can soon train him down to his fighting weight.

'Cause I know all about it.

'Cause my grandad used to keep two greyhounds.

Black and Decker, they used to .

- Maybe he'd like another one.

- Oh, he's dead.

- Well, dog's not too frisky, e. They'll probably enjoy each other's company.

- Drinks, anyone, to soothe the troubled brow?

- Thank you!

- No, thank you!

They've got a long journey back where they came from.

- Listen, boys, since Lassy seems to have made himself at home, - The walk from the car knacker!

- Why don't you go back to the ?

Decide what to do with him late?

- I've decided.

- Lovejoy, I only ever had one rule in business, never say no to anything in the first five minutes.

Let's go join the party.

- Yeah, but what about the bed?

I mean, we can't just leave it e on the front lawn, can we?

I mean, people will pass remark.

- We'll put it in the stables till tomorrow, save you the trip to the rector.

Come on Eric, I'll show you whe.

(Lassy whines) That's it.

Come on, that'll do you.

You like horses, Eric?

- Well, I prefer dogs.

- You think Lassy can run?

I tell you, boy, I've got a colt out there in the pasture right now who can fly.

You ever seen a horse gallop when its feet don't seem to touch the ground?

(knocking from above) You hear something?

- No.

- [Ralph] Who's up there?

(comedic bassoon music) - Thanks all the same, Ralph, but we made do with the straw.

No, don't bother coming up.

You might hurt yourself.

- [Ralph] Helen!

I don't understand.

Your wedding day.

You've only been married three hours!

- I know.

I've a very low boredom thresho.

You ever do that to me again, R. - My house and daughter, for Go!

- Ah, is that who she is?

- I think it's time we had a ta.

A real talk.

- Exactly the right time.

Only not in front of strangers,?

- My study, right now.

I thought you and Amanda were f. More than that.

Almost sisters!

Is this how you treat family?

- You're not my family, Ralph.

- Your mother will have to be t. You realize that, don't you?

- Good.

- Eric, for my daughter's sake.

You know what I'm saying?

- Well, you haven't said it yet?

- Don't mention what you've seen here today.

Not to your parents, or Tinker, or Lovejoy, no one.

You understand?

- Right.

- I like to keep things in the .

Especially problems.

Saves people getting hurt.

- I don't want that!

- Take it.

I mean, if what you've just seen got around, who knows?

You might be one of those people who gets hurt.

(jazzy music) - Oh, the Salmon a la Grecque is a ballet upon the tongue, Mrs Beauchamp.

- I knew there was French in yo!

I wasn't sure exactly where, but I knew!

- Excuse us, Francis.

- Excuse me.

- I've given it Ralph's five mi, and the answer is still no.

- Oh, can't we wait 'til after ?

Eric is so looking forward to training him up.

- I'm an antique dealer, not a !

- Well, fair enough.

There is a problem.

The dog's only worth 300.

- So where's the other ton?

- Oh, Tandy said he'd bet it for us at Bungay.

- Oh, good!

You're fired.

- But I don't work for you.

- I felt like saying it.

It fel.

- Lovejoy?

- You're fired too.

- What?

- You all right, young Eric?

- I need a drink!

- [Ralph] If you don't love my , why the hell did you marry her?

- [Roger] There are other reasoy apart from love.

- I see.

A gold digger.

- [Roger] Oh no, es mio!

- What?

- Buenos dias, Senor Stacey.

Como esta?

- Juan Stacey es muerto!

- Y interrado in la tienda, Little England?

You're a bright chap, work it out for yourself!

(slow jazzy music) - I never thanked you.

- What for?

- For keeping quiet, about my farewell party with Roger?

- Well, what do you think I was?

"Hey, everybody!

Bet I know something you don't!"

- Thanks.

(slow jazzy music) - She resents our friendship!

Helen does.

Ralph's mine.

She's getting back at me!

You will stop me if I'm being indiscreet, won't you?

- I'll try.

- But it's much more than a fri!

- Stop.

- Much more.

He's such a vital man, you see, so youthful!

And he's always been so good to!

- Mrs Beauchamp, I don't know much about kids, but surely at 20, they're responsible for their own actio?

Even if those actions are -- - Bonking the bridegroom?

Sorry.

- Even that.

- But Ralph has always been so good to Helen!

Even tried to take her father's.

- That's maybe what she doesn't.

- Yes.

Well, Roger should have known b.

He needs taking down a peg or t. - To be quiet honest, it's beginning to look rum.

No one's seen the fellow since , leave alone the bride!

You were to pick up the newlyweds at six o'clock?

At the airport?

- [Driver] Yeah.

- Bali, their honeymoon!

It's r!

Best you have a word with the g. (Francis laughs) (slow jazzy waltz music) (guests applaud) - Ladies and gentlemen, my watch says six o'clock.

Time to muster on the main drive to see the bride and groom off on their honeymoon.

Time for one more waltz, though, ladies and gentlemen, take your.

One, two, three!

(band starts playing) - Everything all right?

- He's done a bunk, hasn't he?

God knows why.

- Well, has anyone looked?

- Course they have!

Sorry, Lovejoy.

It's not your f. Yes, these two have looked.

No sign of him.

- How's Amanda?

- Left in her room, drowning he.

Amanda!

Amanda!

Amanda, no!

- Play off a minute, fellas.

Look at me, you lot!

All dressed up like a dog's dinr and nowhere to go!

Well!

Somewhere to go!

But no one to go with!

- Amanda.

Come on.

- Do you fancy Bali with me, Lo?

Sun, sand, all the romance you could wish for.

- [Ralph] Black coffee.

- All those who said I was crazy to marry a bloke I'd only known for three months, you were right!

The bastard has walked out on m. Don't let that spoil the party,!

What happened to the music?

(slow relaxed jazzy music) - [Bill] A super do Ralphy, sup!

In spite of everything!

- Yes, thanks, Bill.

You'll be all right walking?

- [Bill] Bye!

Don't worry!

Everything will work out!

(slow sad oboe music) - Well, the stragglers are just on their way.

- Good party really, though.

- I'm sorry, I still think we should tell the police.

- He's only been gone six hours.

Police don't even consider that as missing.

He's panicked, hasn't he?

I know it's a bit late, but he'.

Some blokes do at the thought of a lifetime's commitment.

- What do you say, Amanda?

Call the police?

- No, do as Lovejoy says.

Wait until the morning.

Sorry I made a fool of myself, .

- He'll turn up.

Won't he?

- Blokes like that always turn up, don't they, Lovejoy?

- Always.

- Lovejoy, you and your friends had better stay the night.

Okay with you, Dad?

- Oh, yes.

Yes, of course.

You're very welcome.

(clock chimes) (Lassy barks) (Lovejoy grunts) - They say a dog's for life.

Well, let me tell you, some lives are shorter than oth.

This could be one of them.

All right, Lassy.

Come on.

Go on, then.

Lassy!

(Lassy barks) Lassy!

Lassy!

Hope you'll be a bit quicker than this at the track.

Lassy!

Ssh!

(Lassy barks) (Lassy whines) Lassy?

Lassy!

Sit!

Heel!

Stay!

Catch!

Fetch!

Something, anything!

Just come here, you prat!

(ominous music) (Lovejoy shivers) Typical of your new money, is t. They leave their windows open, the lights on.

They don't care.

(Lassy barks) Lassy!

(Lassy whines) (Lassy barks) Ssh!

What is it?

(Lassy barks) What is it?

(Lassy barks) That's a very nasty thought you.

(ominous music) It's been a very funny day.

I suppose a doctor wouldn't rule out insanity.

I mean, I've been talking to you like you understand what I'm sa.

Trouble is, I think you do.

Well, why shouldn't I?

Better men than me talk to plan!

Why shouldn't I talk to a dog and have him understand what I'?

Too much booze.

That's the more probable explan.

Yeah.

Come on.

Stop messing about, Ro.

(Lovejoy screams) (ominous piano music) (Lassy barks) Get him, boy!

(hurried footsteps) (Lassy barks) (tense music) (Lassy whines) Tinker!

Harry!

(Lassy whines) Ssh!

Now you stay there, Lassy.

(Lassy barks) Stay!

Wake up!

Come on, wake up!

Wake up, Eric!

- [Eric] I don't want your mone!

- Well, I'm glad to hear it!

Co!

Get dressed!

Come on!

You two get to the police stati.

I'm going to stay on guard here.

- Police station?

- It's a one man band in the ne.

Haul the fellow out of bed and don't take no for an answer.

- In a suit of armor, 16th century Italian?

- Yes.

- Bullet hole in his bonce?

Only you didn't see it.

Nor you.

- I keep telling you, Sergeant, Mr Lovejoy sent us straight dowe the moment he found it, then he went back to stand guar.

- So where does this dog fit in, this collie?

- Greyhound.

- You said it was called Lassie.

You can't have it both ways, so.

- No, Lassy is a greyhound, Sergeant Hartley, and he found the body.

- A moment ago, this Lovejoy di.

- They both did, Sergeant.

Man and dog, side by side as on.

- In a study, two o'clock of a , in a suit of armor, 16th centur, bullet hole through his forehea- - On his wedding day.

- Eric, must you?

- [Sergeant] Whose wedding day?

- Roger Hall's!

- But you just said he was dead!

What's going on 'ere?

- That is what we want you to come down to find out for us.

- We've forgotten about the West African ax whistling past his ear!

- Eric, do you have to?

- Ax?

- Somebody threw an ax at Mr Lo.

- Ah, you were trying to cover up for him, eh?

- No, I was trying not to confuse the issue with irrelevant details.

- Didn't hit him by any chance,?

- No.

No, thanks be to God, it landed in the curtains behin.

- Pity.

Sounds like a troublema.

- Mr Lovejoy is a very good friend of ours, Sergeant.

Now, can we go?

If it's all right with you, Eri.

- Right.

There'll be nookie at the bottom of it somewhere.

You mark my words.

There always is.

(tense flute music) - This funny day is turning into a funny night.

I mean, everybody's got their oa of a good night out, haven't th?

It's just that mine happens to r with Jane Failsham and then, and then, well, you know, on fr.

You'd think that would be a hell of a sight easier to organize than this, wouldn't you?

Babysitting a corpse with a soppy greyhound?

Evidently not.

Because I'm the one stuck with a dead body and a dog and somebody else has got the g. (tense clarinet music) Come on, Lassy.

It's time we shared this experi.

Let's wake a few people up.

(tense flute music) - [Francis] Ralph!

What is it?

- Don't ask me, love.

- Ah, you'll be this Lovejoy, t?

And this is Lassy.

You look a bit heavy for a runn.

All right Lovejoy, spit it out.

Make it good.

- [Amanda] Yes, what the hell's going on, Lovejoy?

- I'm not sure that you should be here, Amanda.

- Oh, for heaven's sake!

Am I some wilting violet?

- Suit yourself.

It's Roger.

He's been shot.

- And he's inside there?

- Afraid so.

Someone's had him away!

- Hold on a minute.

Are you telling us you saw him ?

- He's dead!

- We didn't actually see anythi.

- Roger, dead?

In there?

- Someone's moved him, armor an.

- This is in very poor taste, L. - And someone flung an ax at me that landed in the curtains.

- Very handy.

- Someone killed Roger Hall, then had a go at me!

- Good party, was it?

- Don't come the old acid with .

I know what I saw.

- You know what you think you s. The best of us can fall prey to alcoholic fantasy.

- Come on, Lovejoy.

In your keenness to help Amanda and solve the mystery, you made a mistake.

Let's all go back to bed.

- Just a minute, sir.

If this Roger Hall is missing, then I think I should take some.

And as for you, Mr Lovejoy, there may be charges to follow.

- It's all right, Ralph.

I know where Roger is.

Well, it's not the first time that it's happened, so there must be something in i.

- What are you talking about?

- Helen's missing, too!

My daughter, Sergeant.

I guess they must have run off .

Mr Lovejoy?

You've been upsetting too many .

I want you out of this house fi.

- This is it, Lassy.

Time to show us your stuff.

How many packets is that?

- We like Jaffa Cakes, don't we?

- Oh, come with us, Lovejoy.

It'll take your mind off things.

- What are you planning to do with my friend, anyway?

- Your friend?

- Mm.

This dog is the only person who believes in me.

Aren't you?

- This is a recognized method of training, Lovejoy.

- That's right.

Come with us.

- No.

- What's the matter with him?

- He's having a good old Britisk because nobody believes him.

- What, not even you?

- Not even me.

- Right, this is it.

Give me about a hundred yards s, then let him go, all right?

(tense xylophone music) - Nice rabbit.

Lassy go catch rabbit.

Tinker boil rabbit for Lassy's .

Good dog.

Wait for it.

Wait for it!

Now, imitate the action of the !

Excuse me!

Wrong way!

(tense woodwind music) (Amanda knocks on door) - Come in.

You're the last person I expect.

Milk and sugar.

- No thanks.

And before you ask, no sign of .

- That figures.

- Helen Beauchamp turned up.

Cheeky bitch.

Said she'd been staying with a .

- Well, that figures too.

- You still reckon you saw him,?

- That's not the kind of thing one makes up!

- But dead?

I can't take it in.

Are you sure?

- It's the truth.

Why would I want to hurt you?

- [Amanda] Some other explanati.

- Oh yeah, like I'm going, urgh?

Few takers for that round here, I can tell you.

- Then where is he now, Lovejoy?

- How about your father's estat?

That's big enough to lose a bod.

Just needs finding, that's all.

But of course, if you want to live with the tht that he went off with another w, it's all right with me.

I never liked him anyway.

- I did.

I loved him.

- I always thought you were wor.

- It's nice of you, but I never kidded myself.

My shelf life is just about to .

Along comes this handsome stran, whisks me off my feet.

Well, what was I supposed to do?

Tell him, no thanks?

- I'm sorry.

- Please come back and help me,.

- So why do you two doubt the nookie theory so beloved of Sergeant Hartley?

- I've had time to think it ove.

- But we ourselves caught Roger in flagrante several times.

As did your father and Francis .

- But is that reason for someone to kill him?

- Least we're talking like he's.

- You are, Lovejoy.

But some of us still have faith in alcoholic fantasy.

- I don't.

- You will, dear boy.

You will.

- No, but when we took that bed up to the stable, we found him with Helen!

There was a bit of a barney!

Mr Peagram made me promise never to tell anyone else ever .

I mean, he threatened me!

Even gave me some money!

- Money?

- How much?

- Well, that's not the point.

The point is, he looked fit to .

- What do you think, Amanda?

- Well, put it this way.

Why should Roger run off?

I knew all about his stuff on t. And he knew I knew.

- And you didn't mind?

- That's the man I wanted to ma.

- Why would you dad know Spanis?

- Family made their pile in Ven.

Farming.

- And who's John Stacey?

- No idea.

Why?

- It doesn't matter anyway.

He's muerto.

Dead.

I heard your dad and Roger talking about it in the study.

- Why didn't you tell the polic?

- They weren't very interested in anything I said, remember?

- I am.

Please help me, Lovejoy.

- You're sure your dad's not ar?

- Yes, he's in London.

It's a regular board meeting.

- Right, up there lies the finest tracking device known to man.

I want you and Eric to give him a good whiff of this and take him round the side of e and see if you can pick up a tr.

- Why?

- Because it belongs to whoever flung an ax at me, the same person who killed Roge.

In my alcoholic fantasy, of cou.

I'm going to the Gothic Hall, there's more armor there.

- What shall I do?

- Go with them.

They look a bit suspicious on t. Uh oh.

- [Tinker] Where's he taking us?

- [Amanda] The folly!

- [Tinker] How very apt!

(tense xylophone music) - Erm, don't suppose you'd fancy a chat, would you, first?

I mean, how about an introducti?

I'm Lovejoy, but then, you already know that, don't you?

(tense flute music) - [Tinker] Lovejoy!

Lovejoy!

We've done our bit!

Lovejoy?

Lovejoy!

Lovejoy, speak to me!

Help me, Eric!

Amanda, go and get a doctor!

- [Eric] He's not dead is he?

- [Tinker] No, he's not dead.

Help me get him up!

Right, come on.

- [Eric] Put him on this sofa h. Careful.

- [Amanda] Doctor's on his way - It's me, Tinker!

- I know, I can smell it.

Eric, what happened?

- Gothic Hall.

Bump on the head.

- Did Lassy get the scent?

- Lie still, Lovejoy.

Doctor Williams won't be long.

- Did he?

- He took us to the folly!

- Was Roger there?

- No.

But if somebody is trying to kill you, Lovejoy, I want to know who.

- What's that place, Amanda?

- Gardeners use it.

But he's not here.

Honestly, Lovejoy, we've looked.

- [Lovejoy] Might have passed t. - [Eric] What, you mean someone might have carried him here in full armor?

- [Lovejoy] Why not?

- [Eric] Why here, though?

- This could be one reason.

What's beyond those trees, Aman?

- More trees, for about half a .

Then the lake.

(tense flute music) - Well, Roger, hope you're out there, otherwise we're all sunk.

- The police aren't going to drag a lake that size on a whim.

- Your whim.

- [Lovejoy] Maybe they won't ha.

- Why the visit?

I'm very pleased to see you and, but you never were a dropper-in.

- [Lovejoy] This one you made, ?

- No, German.

This here's Italian.

Lighter.

More refined.

You can just imagine them raising their visors and having an ice cream, can't ?

- Well, you might think this is a daft question, Henry, but supposing I was to say to y, what are you doing?

- Do you know, in all my years in this game, I've only ever met one beggar with a better suit of armor than your 16th century knight.

And that's pulex irritans.

- Who's he?

- Your common flea, mate.

And I think your dog's playing t to a crusade of 'em.

- This dog's been with me 24 hoy and I haven't been bitten yet.

- Aye, well, animals are like that, aren't t?

They don't pick on their own ki.

One bloodsucker won't often pick on another.

- Thank you, Henry.

- Bring him over here.

- [Lovejoy] Come on.

Up.

- That's it.

Now, you hold his , and we'll get rid of this lot in a minute or two.

What was that about a daft ques?

- Supposing I murdered someone.

Stuffed them in a suit of armor and flung it in the lake.

It would sink.

Wouldn't it?

(tense oboe music) (Eric sighs) - It's not fair, Lovejoy.

You said we were gonna take it s on this lookout thing.

- It's all very English, isn't ?

The lake, the picnic, the trusty companions, the good book, the jumping fish.

And the gentle hum of an aging r moaning his guts out in the bac.

- Well, I'm here to learn about, not sinking the Bismarck!

- It's an important part of your education, old boy.

- Oh, rubbish!

What's he know about armor?

Half an hour with one of his pa, and suddenly he's an expert?

Besides, I want the toilet.

- There's a lot of rubbish talked about armor, you know, Tink.

Some's heavy, some isn't.

These guys had to fight in it, so it had to be portable.

- What sort of weight are we talking about?

- Well, Italian, about 50 lbs, according to Henry.

And that's dispersed weight, so you hardly notice it.

Want a sandwich, Eric?

- [Eric] No, I want the toilet!

- What, again?

What's the matte?

What's the matter with him?

- [Tinker] We used to fish a lake like this when I was a boy.

- [Lovejoy] Here we go, Eric.

Back into the mists of time.

- Of course, we never knew there was nothing in it.

My father, God rest his soul, would never tell us.

Kept us occupied during the long summer vac.

Sometimes think that set the pan for the rest of my life.

A lake with no fish.

- Lovejoy!

- I know.

You want the toilet.

- No, look!

(tense flute music) (Eric gasps) - It's him, all right.

Now what?

- It grieves me to say it, but the old Bill.

Mind you, I don't see that local plod nailing Ralph, do you?

- You sure it is Ralph?

- Who else is there?

- We need Amanda's help.

Would she give it, against her ?

- She loved this poor sod more .

(Eric gags) (police radio chatters) - I suppose, when you think abo, they make submarines out of met.

They float up and down.

- And you were expecting this one to surface, eh, Lovejoy?

- Course, if he'd been Australi, he'd have come up a lot sooner.

All that fizzy beer and stuff.

- Bit of a gas himself is Mr Lovejoy, Inspector.

I think a long natter is in ord.

- You're coming the old acid again, Hartley.

First you didn't believe me, now it's nudge, nudge, wink, wi.

- Hold on, you two, hold on.

Why were you so interested?

- Everybody thought I was seein.

I knew different.

I told you two days ago and you didn't believe me.

- Difficult.

- Difficult?

I've got the bump to prove it.

- Who gave you that?

- The bloke who killed Roger trying to get rid of his only w. - Bloke?

- He means Ralph Peagram, Mr Bu.

We must flush him out.

A trap needs laying.

- Dodgy.

Need the right kind of bait, do?

Yes.

(Lovejoy knocks on door) - Come in.

Lovejoy!

- [Francis] I thought I said you weren't welcome here any mo.

- Certainly don't feel welcome,.

Where's Amanda, Ralph?

- She went off at the crack of .

- Just as well, I think.

- Your opinions aren't of greatt to me any more, Lovejoy.

You've been paid, and as far as I'm concerned -- - I've got some bad news for yo.

Well, for Amanda, that is.

Found Roger's body.

- Where?

- In the lake.

Whoever dumped it there made an.

Well, it's understandable, of c. - What error, Mr Lovejoy?

- They thought armor would sink.

- Okay.

Let me finish my breakfast and I'll be with you.

Built by one of the first Peagr.

Brought his mates down here fors the old woman didn't approve of.

- Half a mile away.

- Approaching.

- [Lovejoy] You never had that problem, Ralph?

With wives, I mean?

- [Ralph] You mean, did she mind if I played with the lads?

No, boy.

She played with the lads hersel.

Lovejoy, if this is true, you k- - They must be going into the t. - It'll put Amanda's mind at re.

Must have been grim for her not.

Course, I never did think much .

After you, Lovejoy.

- Don't.

(radio crackles) - What did the pathologist say yesterday, Mr Burgess?

- You sure you want to know?

- Yes.

- Single bullet, .45 caliber through the forehead at close range, almost certainly using a silenc.

Does your father have such a gu?

- Dozens.

All shapes, all sizes.

Quick?

- Instant.

(radio crackles) - So what's in the suit of armo?

- A wetsuit full of polystyrene.

- [Lovejoy] There he is.

- [Ralph] Looks like I owe you .

- [Lovejoy] One of several, I r. - For doubting you, I meant.

- The flying ax, the bang on th, in short for trying to kill me.

- Why would I want to do that?

- Because I was the only person who'd seen that body.

Apart from you, who shot him.

I still am.

- Don't get smart, Lovejoy.

Don't get smart.

- [Lovejoy] Who's John Stacey?

- [Ralph] Who told you about hi?

- I head you and Roger having a slanging match in the study.

I knew 'muerto' meant 'dead' so when I went home, I went and looked in one of thoe Spanish-English dictionaries.

'Enterado', means 'buried'.

John Stacey, dead and buried in Little England Farm.

Did you kill John Stacey?

(Ralph chuckles) - I am John Stacey.

Ralph's partner for 20 years.

And friend for much longer, from school days.

- So where's Ralph?

- He died.

Trampled to death by 2,000 tons of stampeding beef.

I scraped him up.

Buried him.

Years later, one of the mainline Peagrams croaked, and Ralph inherited all this pl.

- Where does Roger fit in to al?

- Because his name's Rodrigo.

Ralph's son by some dark beauty, indistinguishable from another except for the fact that she must have had a brain.

Six months ago, she told Rodrigo to get over here and make a pitch.

- He can't tell him all this and let him off!

Let's call it off!

- [Ralph] Blackmail.

He knew who I was.

So I killed him.

I can't lose all this, Lovejoy.

Been too much of a slog building it up from the wreck i.

Too many people depend on me no.

- Where's your mask, Ralph?

You know, the slinky black numb?

- I don't need all that today.

I'm sorry.

I would pay you if I thought it would work.

But you know the problem with D. The Dane keeps coming back.

(Lovejoy grunts) - That's it.

Let's go.

(tense music) - Get him, boy!

(tense music) - That was the dirtiest trick of all, Lovejoy.

Bringing her.

- That's the way she wanted it,.

It's the way she wanted it.

(crowd cheers) - We've gotta put that money on.

- Yeah, but he gave me that mony so I wouldn't tell anyone about.

- But you did tell everybody!

Come on, where's your faith?

- Eric.

- Tandy's here, Lovejoy.

- Oh.

- Sorry, Lovejoy.

I know it's not all I it cracke.

- Ah, turned out quite well actually, Malcolm.

Turned into quite a hero, well .

Thinking of keeping him, actual.

- Don't say things like that, L. - What?

- So you're changing your mind again, are you?

He is useless, after all!

- I didn't say that.

- You were desperate for him!

I told you he was no runner, but you wouldn't have it!

- Saved my life actually, Malco, but 300 from 400 still leaves a, which I would like, please.

- Later, Lovejoy.

Later.

With interest!

Just lob me an insult for now!

Vile, as much as you like.

Go o!

And loud!

As a companion, oh, he's fine as a companion.

As a runner?

Rubbish!

- Got quite a turn of speed, ac.

- God's sake, don't ruin it for!

I don't think there's any call for that kind of language, Love!

I mean, he's rubbish!

But you might as well run him since he's entered.

- I've no idea what he's talkin.

- Explain the facts of life to him will you, Tink?

The girlfriend's got a fortune on Lassy to win for both of us!

Well, don't expect me to back h!

Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm not putting a penny on him!

- What's he on about?

- As a rough guess, I'd say there's a scam afoot, old bean.

And Lassy's reluctance to run is part of it.

- So all the shouting, anybody earwigging will think he's useless.

But he will run.

With the right encouragement.

- Eh?

- [Announcer] Track Six is Lass, trained by Malcolm Tandy.

(crowd cheers) - Eric?

(jaunty flute music)