[Music] [Music] so good I am so good I woke up and like right pinched myself cuz it does doesn't feel real I'm soad made it I'm not a mathematician so you know 23 * 365 I don't know what that number is but that's a lot more than 365 today is my one year um anniversary for recovery so I'm um I feel really really good about that every single one of you have um inspired me 365 days of getting back on the saddle there were moments where I I would have never thought I could make it this far so this means everything to me because I made it my name is Glenna Charlie Malone and I'm a wellness Advocate and so now my relationship with Fitness is really trying to Advocate encourage uplift and motivate people to use Fitness as an outlet never going back but initially her fitness journey began to try to change the parts of herself that she didn't love I try to think about when my first episode of bulimia was and I I really don't remember I know it was sometime in middle school I didn't view myself as ugly as fat or different until others started imposing those views on to me and that's when I started to hate myself because I hated the feeling of bullying I hated the attention the negative attention I got from being bullied and then that's when I started to hate my body that's when I wanted to be and look different but I loved food I distinctly remember one time in Middle School only one time my mom I think when I said like I'm not hungry I remember her asking me like what are you like anorexic or something like in a joking way because again at that time I was 200 lb in middle school you know what I mean like I didn't I didn't look anorexic but I think she noticed something changed in [Music] me Glenna finding a new sense of control through what she now understands to be the eating disorder bulimia defined as a combination of binge eating followed by self-induced vomiting part of that when I was 12 years old I was sexually assaulted by someone that I didn't know and so I know now again with my education and my awareness being overweight obese low insecurity um self-hate body image issues coupled with a traumatic experience really was just a um playground for this disorder to continue to grow and fester and so that continued the binge um excuse me bulimia from really 12 until 35 it became like a comfort I knew it wasn't right I knew it wasn't healthy but I enjoyed hearing people say oh you look so good when you think you're the only one going through something um when you think you're the only one having to navigate something in your life you feel bad you feel different and not in a you know unique wonderful way and so how old was I maybe 30 I remember having an episode while I was living in Madison and this was the first time that after I made myself vomit there was a huge puddle of blood in the toilet and so then that was the first time I I was scared for my life and that was the first time where I really felt like I can't do this anymore for the first time Glenna found herself disclosing her eating disorder to a medical professional she did not connect me with any resources um I don't feel like she validated or even really heard my EXP experience in the same ways I know it would have been heard um if I was white presenting it was just dismissed and honestly it took it took all of me to disclose that with her soon after she began therapy her recovery initiated with the 12-step process often used to help treat people battling addictions can we break [Music] now a year into her recovery she doesn't shy away from the tough conversations of body image and self-confidence with other girls and women of color the image um or the perception of what it means to be beautiful is all around us especially for young people if you don't fit that image we're looking in the mirror either pointing out or being mindful of all the things we hate all the things we wish we could change right instead of learning to love ourselves how we are made how we were created and so I pay it forward really by just any opportunity I get to share my story no matter how uncomfortable I might get we have to share our stories so that other people can understand that they're one not alone and so that they can have hope he healed my body come on reminding herself recovery is a lifelong Marathon not a Sprint I'm going to do my best to support anyone who needs it who might be in a similar situation and Lord willing I I hope to never see a day one ever again for the rest of my life [Applause] congratul