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2023.

Biggest summer blockbuster Barbie brought many emotions to women who watched the film.

A blog post entitled Barbie Made Me Want to Call My Mom writes that Barbie is a love letter to daughters who might not see the sacrifices their mothers made to let them shine.

It brings to light the unique relationship between mothers and daughters.

Tonight we meet an author who brings awareness, understanding and compassion to mothers and daughters everywhere.

I'm so happy you're joining us.

And then you from Los Angeles.

This is Clark's PBS.

Welcome to everybody with Angela Williamson and Innovation, Arts, education and public affairs program.

Everybody, with Angela Williamson is made possible by viewers like you.

Thank you.

And now your host, doctor Angela Williamson.

Welcome.

Recovery and reconciliation.

Author Lindsey Glass.

Lindsey, thank you so much for being here.

My pleasure.

Thanks for having me.

This is an incredible book and we definitely want to talk about it.

But before we talk about it, I want our audience to get to know you because I did introduce you as an author, but you've done so many incredible things and so share a little bit of your journey with us.

Absolutely.

Born and raised in New York City, the child of an author so kind of grew up in the business, so to speak.

I got very involved, once I had gone through my living experiences in life and kind of became more of an adult.

I became a recovery advocate, documentary filmmaker, and social activist.

Kind of.

Well, it is because of your journey is the reason why you are an activist.

Yes, absolutely.

There were you know, I'm a person in long term recovery.

And when I found recovery, there were so many things going on in the world that were shocking to me that I felt an obligation to show people what recovery is really like.

Well, and I think it also causes us to be authentic with our stories and how we're sharing them.

But I love it because what you're doing, we weren't really raised to share things that personal.

We were told that we need to keep those behind the door, always have the smile.

And so we're really stepping outside our comfort zone.

And how hard was that?

It's horrifying.

And it's horrifying.

Now, even watching some of the interviews because of exactly what you said, you know, I grew up in an environment at a time where it said, don't tell anyone what's going on in this family.

When I got out of treatment, they told me not to tell anyone.

You know, they thought it was going to impact my future in negative ways.

So you're living with these secrets for decades, and then suddenly someone's like, let's start writing about it.

And I have to say, the 12 years of being a recovery advocate and writing blogs about my own story prepped me for this.

Okay.

But opening up to the level I did in this?

Yeah, it was a challenge.

I think there are a couple pieces to it.

First of all, I've been talking about this stuff for 20 years now and and at the group level, at a recovery level for 16 years.

So I've gotten really comfortable telling my story.

I've had a little bit of media training about how to talk about recovery in a safe way, and not get it, have an interview, go out of control and things you don't want to talk about.

And I think for me, the most important part is I know there are tons of women going through what I went through.

I am not alone with any of this.

The addiction issues, the anxiety issues, the issues with mom, you know, dysfunctional families.

So many of us either have it or know somebody else who has it that once you kind of open that door and say, hey, we have it over here, then it's a little bit easier, I think, for people to get on board.

Wait, you mentioned your mom and you talked about relationships when you knew that you needed to start to share your story and move forward.

How was mom accepting of this new change?

Because she comes from another generation of moms come from a whole different generation.

Totally.

And I think we we both handled how we were going to tell our story a little differently.

And I was hands off with her and she was hands off with me.

You know, there was one promise I made her keep.

There was one promise she made me keep.

And other than that, we let each other tell our stories how we wanted to.

And this is what was wonderful.

My mom always wanted to write her memoir.

She did not want to leave this planet without the world knowing what her history was.

And as a nine time New York Times bestselling author, I understand she had written everything but her own story, so it was important to her.

we have our good days and our bad days.

And I would say the proof, the the proof of this book is that even when we're having a bad moment, we use these tools, like the voices will get heated and I'll say, I can feel my blood pressure rising.

I really need to step away for a moment.

Or she'll say, I can hear it in your voice and let's talk about this later.

So we don't get to that fiery explosion anymore.

We just don't go there because it feels bad.

Now.

But that takes a lot of work.

Yeah, especially if that's part of the family dynamics.

Because you talk a lot about dynamics.

You talk about the generation.

Yeah.

So I mean, how do you get to that.

And on top of that you're both working through recovery.

And so we split apart.

I was given the advice by a mental health professional that I was not really going to develop and who into who I needed to be until I stepped away from my family and cut contact.

And we'd gotten into the habit of fighting and we couldn't stop fighting.

Now, just as you can get into a habit of fighting, you can get out of the habit of fighting.

So it takes a lot.

It takes therapy for me.

To see what I'm thinking in my.

Head.

So we split apart.

We didn't speak for four years.

And in those four years, do you want to know what I actually did?

Inner child work.

Cognitive behavioral therapy.

eMDR.

Talk therapy.

And I had a life coach at times.

so the inner child work.

Work is when you've had childhood trauma and you're working with a therapist.

And the therapist will help you decide what time in your life you felt.

Things really went bad.

So I decided it was at ten.

So we would invite ten year old Lindsay into the room and we would ask her how she felt about things.

So it's a way of, like processing behavior.

So I had some bad boyfriends.

And then when you invite ten year old Lindsay into the room and you say, would you hand over ten year old Lindsay to that guy?

And suddenly you're confronted with this different version of yourself?

Or would you say what you just said to yourself, to ten year old Lindsay?

And it forces you to look at yourself with a whole new level of compassion.

So that's inner child work.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is great for addicts and people who have behavioral issues.

So it's a lot of work of how to pause.

You know, you feel something happening in your body.

Okay, I'm going to pause.

I'm going to draw a bubble around me.

No one can get in the bubble.

I'm safe in the bubble.

It's that kind of work.

And I'm probably not describing it as well as a psychiatrist would.

So forgive me.

This is a. Layman.

Yes, yes.

and eMDR is actually, you hold buzzers in your hand, and, a therapist does this in front of your eyes, and you reprocess traumatic memories.

And they realized it worked with, veterans doing a lot of work around PTSD.

Which these are a lot of tools that people are sharing freely now.

Yes, but they're rather recent, right?

That's right, that's right.

There is a whole new fad of haven ING and all this trauma work.

But when I started this probably, you know, 16 years ago, it was fairly new and I was not going around talking about it.

Certainly.

Of course, because they tell us not to.

Yes.

But when you start to share it is that when you start to heal?

Yes, I believe so.

And and when I sit here and I say, yeah, I don't fight with my mom anymore, people are going.

Yeah, we love you.

Like, but like how?

And it it takes time and it takes practice and it takes using these tools to understand that, you know what?

I don't want to yell at ten year old Leslie either.

And Leslie is my mom.

Yes.

we I was trying to avoid getting into your book, but so much of your story is actually in this book.

Yeah.

So I want to talk about some of the, parts of your journey.

I mean, you talked about the four year separation, and, I mean, that's where you spent a lot of time on yourself.

But in that process, did you know that at some point you would love to reconnect with your mother, Leslie, or were you just working on yourself, knowing that there's no timeline here?

Because a lot of times when we think about recovery, we always want to put a timeline.

On, yeah.

When it.

Stops.

Yeah.

You can't.

so, no, when it all started, I thought I'd never speak to her again.

I thought we were done for good.

I was enraged.

You know, fighting with somebody for 30 years and having all of these feelings and what had gone on in the family.

You know, I was just filled with rage and resentment, and I was not going to get over it without doing, you know, a lot of work on myself.

So here's the answer.

It's it's a complicated it's a totally complicated situation.

for our situation, there were mental health and addiction issues in the family.

So when you have issues that are big and dangerous, you have to really think about what's best for the whole.

So I was thinking about, you know, for her mental health, for my mental health, for my addiction recovery.

We need space.

And if you are dealing with a mother or a daughter who is unwilling to get help for mental health issues or addiction issues, that can be an impasse.

You know, you are just not going to keep having a screaming at somebody who's hurting you.

And let me tell you, people who are struggling with mental health and addiction, they're not thinking, right.

And we have to have a little bit of compassion for that, but we have to protect ourselves also.

So if the answer is I have to actually separate from this person to stay safe and healthy, then unfortunately that's going to happen.

And yes, it's like losing a limb.

I cried every day.

The first year.

It's the only time I've been treated for suicidal depression was a year.

The first year I broke up with my mom.

But as I did the work, as I cleaned out all the stuff inside and the years passed, suddenly it was year three, year four, and I missed my mom.

So that's when you know you've actually done the work.

You know what?

Wow.

I'm not angry anymore, but it doesn't happen overnight.

It doesn't happen overnight.

And you've mentioned twice in our conversation the importance of compassion.

Yes.

And that's not something we we hear it all the time, but it's not something we always see into action.

So how do you do that when you're hurting and you think that you'll never see this person again?

How do you practice compassion?

Okay.

So there there are a lot of different ways to practice compassion.

and, you know, I'm a big I'm a big spiritual person.

Self-care, spirituality and not just getting your nails done and getting a facial, but real self-care.

When when you're healing your soul and your mind.

So that's all really important.

The other thing is, I think that we have lost some kindness and compassion in our relationships.

I see it in marriages.

I see it between mothers and daughters.

I see it all over the place and what I want.

My goal with this is to remind mothers and daughters that we are on the same team.

Like, how do we help support each other?

So I'll give you an example.

I am horrible in the morning.

You know, it takes me a solid hour to decide.

You know, who I'm going to be today, how it's going to go.

And my mom, you know, it used to frustrate her and she'd be upset.

And I hear that tone.

Well, you know what?

She doesn't always call me in the morning now because she knows that's a problem.

And for her, she can't make a decision to save her life.

And it used to drive me nuts, like, just make a decision.

Where do you want to go?

But you know what?

She comes from an era where women were not allowed to make decisions.

And certainly not in her family.

So now I look at it as, where would you like to go today?

We could go to the Chinese place.

We could go to the Thai place.

We could go to the Italian place.

You're the prize.

You get to choose.

And that's coming at it from a different way of her being.

Where do you want to go?

And she's trying to make me happy.

Going.

I don't know.

Where do you want to go?

So it's these tiny little things.

But, you know, throughout the day, it's the tiny little things that actually get us through in a smoother way, or hold us back and kind of can ruin the moment.

I can't believe our first segment is almost done.

When I come back, I want to talk a lot about application and how we apply these techniques, and also to you suggested a journal.

So I brought a journal so our audience can see because I'm all about show and tell.

But when we come back, I want you to talk about changing our perspective, because you talked a lot about that and we can move forward.

Great.

Thank you.

Come back to learn interactive techniques to strengthen mother daughter relationships.

That was fantastic.

When it comes to making plans, you are the best.

The same way you plan each detail for those moments.

Start planning to protect you and your loved ones from a natural disaster.

Protecting your family is the best plan you can make.

It's fun for a while.

It's fun for a while.

And then there's this moment where it stops being fun and you're addicted.

People ask me all the time, but I don't.

I don't understand alcoholism, an addiction.

I mean, doesn't the person literally bring this on themselves every day?

We are shown celebrities in the acute stage of their disease, cycling in and out of jail and rehab.

No other disease tells people that they don't have a disease or send millions of people to prison for breaking the law.

It's hard to see what alcohol does and one side of the silver sometimes we would really gather for a couple of weeks would be no drinking, and then there would be some drinking, and then we'd start fighting.

Yeah.

Boy, Welcome back.

Oh my goodness.

That documentary is about recovery and reconciliation.

So tell us a little bit about that.

Well, I wanted to show the world what recovery really looked like, because this was at the time that Britney Spears was shaving her head.

And I really didn't feel that the world understood what recovery was about.

And all the wonderful people in recovery and working in recovery.

So that's what that movie is about.

And that documentary.

Tell me the title again.

The secret World of Recovery.

And that's available.

On Amazon.

Amazon.

So we always like people to know where they can get it.

Yeah.

And watch it because there might be educators out there.

Absolutely.

It's a great educational tool.

Now I want to talk about applying this book.

This is what's so great about this book is that you can apply it to your mother daughter relationships.

But I also I see it as a bigger picture.

It's changing who we are and how we look at different situations.

But you also suggested to read this book and have a journal.

Why is that?

Because at the end of every chapter are six journal prompts.

Because we wanted this to be a transformative experience.

You're going to go into reading it, think, and you know, I'm going to fix my mom, I'm going to fix my daughter, I'm going to see what's wrong with her.

But what we're actually going to do is take you through your own process of self-discovery, understanding and hopefully compassion at the end.

Well, it's not just writing as well.

You tell us too.

And I actually wrote down this question because I want to make sure to get it right.

How does nonverbal communication impact mother daughter relationship?

So you mentioned the writing is important, but you also talk about the nonverbal.

Yes.

So I mean everybody's talking about side eye right.

But it's it's everything.

It's have you ever walked into a room and you can tell somebody is angry at you or you can see the frustration, you know, on somebody's face?

The way we look at each other, the way we're giving nonverbal signals all the time.

And I think there are a lot of wonderful but misguided moms who are out there kind of giving, criticizing looks.

And they don't know that these criticizing looks for, you know, some sensitive daughters can really cut to the core of, you know, turning into something that feels like you're never good enough.

So we all want to be loved and understood.

We all want to be approved of.

So when somebody is giving very clear nonverbal signs that you are not approved of, or somebody isn't respecting what you're saying or doing, I mean, you ever had a conversation, with somebody and they start walking out of the room while you're still talking?

You're like, why are you walking out of the room?

But you also talk about the mothers.

That's part of I thought it was part of being a mom.

You got that one eye look that you could use around, but sometimes it's not always the best to use that one.

Look, if you balance it with approval, looks as well.

How's that?

Well, and that's great to be because a lot of times we don't realize that it's moms that we need to be able to balance it out.

Yeah.

And don't get me wrong, if you have a kid who's misbehaving and you're in public and you want to give them a look, go for it, I support that.

I'm in that restaurant.

Yes, I support that, yes.

but.

But it's different in.

It's how sometimes, like when someone was walking out of the room while you're talking, if they had their back to you, you feel like you're not important.

Totally dismissed.

So that's what we don't want to do.

And in the spirit of better communication.

we don't want to constantly be giving people signals that we don't like them.

So share some of that with our audience because they're going to love that portion.

Okay.

There are all kinds of boundaries.

There are physical boundaries.

There are financial boundaries.

There are emotional boundaries.

So I'll just give you a few examples.

Physical boundaries are really important.

If you don't want someone touching you or in your space, that is a that's an important feature of your personality.

And if somebody is invading your space or doing things that is making you physically uncomfortable, that is really, you know, physical boundaries, making sure that you are physically safe.

Maybe if you live in a dysfunctional household, having a space that feels safe where you're by yourself or you can't hear what's going on.

So emotional boundaries.

And these are my favorite, for our people pleasers out there.

If you are the family member that gets stuck whenever anybody needs something, these are for you.

You know, this is say how you mean without saying it.

Mean you know no is a full sentence.

If it's inconvenient for you and you don't want to do it, you don't have to.

Now, obviously there are circumstances that you would if somebody is in trouble, you know, if you're going to do what you need to do, but what I'm talking about, if somebody is saying things that are hurting you over and over and over and they won't stop, and you've said when you say that to me, it makes me feel this big and they won't stop doing it.

You then have a right to put a boundary that says, I'm not going to talk to you about this issue, or if you start with that, I'm going to leave.

But I think it's important for our audience to know that you break this out, this book, into four steps.

It makes it so easy that you can literally start that process right away.

So let's talk about that.

Okay.

The first step is we want you to write your own story.

So we tell our story and then we give journal prompts that that help you tell your own story.

So you can understand what happened with grandma.

What happened with mom.

Sometimes we have no idea that traumas that your mom or your grandmother have went through are the things that are affecting everybody today.

So first, we want you to understand your family history and your story.

And within that comes communication style and personality style.

So my mom went into the book thinking that I was the most controlling person on on earth.

And I went into the book thinking she was the most controlling person on earth.

And we both wrote that same line, and that's when we knew this was going to be funny.

Did you know that both of us kind of had that exact same reaction?

Now what?

You both.

Well, no, really, it came from grandma, right?

But yeah, that's really what you're saying is a lot of times that dynamic that you're having with your mother and daughter goes beyond the generation.

Absolutely.

So step one is understanding.

It gives you some clarity okay.

Step two is the biggest issues that happen between mothers and daughters.

Because sometimes we're out there and we think we're all alone.

Let me tell you, I don't care who the mother and daughter are, where they come from, what their background is.

Almost all mothers and daughters are going to fight about.

Let's see.

Food.

Yeah.

Control and independence.

Boyfriends, girlfriends, romantic partners, whatever that looks like.

And we all know in this country that can get really sticky right now.

If you are not what your family expects you to be.

I think we talk about food.

I'm sorry.

appearance and I do, I do we get into boundaries there?

I'm not sure it might be step three, but we do get into the biggest thing later in life.

Okay.

I'm getting.

Yes.

Yes.

And we talk a lot about alcohol and drugs and mental illness because I think that's super relevant.

for everyone in today's age.

And those were two of the biggest issues that affected us in our family.

So those are really important.

Step three is understanding your trauma and your triggers.

So you might every time you see your mom and she says, are you eating that?

Are you wearing that?

What are you doing with your hair?

These are triggers.

If you have been picked on about these things your entire life.

You may, anytime somebody brings them up have a reaction.

And it's it's something that needs to be addressed.

So you could say oh.

So once you understand oh finances are a trigger issue for us.

This is where boundaries come in.

And you can say, hey, it's really stressful for me to talk about this with you.

So if we're going to talk about this trigger issue.

Let's plan it.

Let's prepare for it.

Let's both know it's coming.

Don't catch someone off guard.

Yes.

And really be prepared to come into a conversation where you're going to listen to what somebody else has to say before you respond.

And then, step four, we do.

We talk a lot about what to do if you can't reconcile.

Sadly, some mothers and daughters are not going to be able to reconcile.

But here's the best part about that.

You can be okay.

How?

So that is the very end of the book.

Yes.

We developed something called the Recovery Lifestyle.

This was something I discovered after I realized that I was gotten sober and was not better.

I was sober, and I had more problems than I had before I had gotten sober because my tool for coping was gone and suddenly everything was just messy.

And I felt terrible all the time.

So I put together, it's a five principle thing.

It's spirituality, advocacy, or coaching or fitness nutrition.

One of them I doubled.

But any version of those five things and you can get better.

So you have to find out what your spiritual practices you have to get.

You have to take care of yourself, mind, body and soul.

And if you take care of yourself, mind, body and soul, you can find ways to understand what's happened and be okay with it.

I can't believe our time is almost done, but I do have one question for you.

If there was one key takeaway that you would love it can be either mothers or daughters, or anybody who may be feeling that this is the book for them right now.

What would that take away be?

I would say this as a daughter and as a daughter.

And don't get me wrong, I love my mom.

We have made our peace.

But growing up, I didn't get what I needed from my family and that caused me to go into a whole lifestyle that wasn't right for me.

And in healing, I really had to see.

I had to heal these wounds from my family, from my childhood, to be able to go out into the world, to be successful, to be who I wanted to be and to have healthy relationship.

So for the girls out there who are looking at their lives and going, why can't I reach my potential?

Why do I go out with awful guys or girls?

why am I just not, you know, why am I not happy?

If you can look back and say I hate my mom, or I hate, you know, and you have those kinds of feelings, I would say maybe that's something to look at and and heal, heal that childhood trauma so that you can go out into the world and be who you want to be, because you can be okay.

No matter what's happened in your life, you can be okay.

the mother daughter relationship makeover.

I love the title.

How can we get this?

You can get this anywhere.

Books are sold everywhere.

Books are sold.

Oh, I love that.

Yes.

And if you want to follow me, I'm Lindsey Glass, author.

And the website is Reach Out recovery.com.

That is a perfect way to end our conversation.

Lindsay, thank you so much, not only for just sharing your story with us, but using your story to help heal others.

You are what we need in this world today, so thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me.

And thank you for joining us on everybody with Angela Williamson.

Viewers like you make this show possible.

Join us on social media to continue this conversation.

Good night and stay well.

So I'm Und.

Okay.

So we have to to think of.

Okay.

I want to talk about, wher they can go and find the book.

Okay.

And then, when we are coming out of the, documentary, which is coming out a little.

Bit, I didn't say anything.

Oh, you didn't mention.

That was a great documentary.

Okay.

Maybe get her.

Get a sentence.

Okay.

So I'll start with coming out of the break first, and then I'll go into, some kind of thing o how do we end it or something?

Yeah.

Or how do we find you?

Or just, like, one sentence about the doc.

What's it about?

The documentary.

Okay.

So, ready?

Okay.

And, she should say the title, right?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

Three.

Two.

Welcome back.

Oh my goodness.

That documentary is about recovery and reconciliation.

So tell us a little bit about that.

Well, I wanted to show the world what recovery really looked like, because this was at the time that Britney Spears was shaving her head.

And I really didn't feel that the world understood what recovery was about.

And all the wonderful people in recovery and working in recovery.

So that's what that movie is about.

And that documentary.

Tell me the title again.

The secret World of Recovery.

And that's available.

On Amazon.

Amazon.

So we always like people to know where they can get it.

Yeah.

And watch it because there might be educators out there.

Absolutely.

It's a great educational tool.

Okay.

So do you want me just to go into the next one?

Now let's go.

Into the book.

Now.

Can I just.

Touch a what am I a mess?

Okay.

John wants to jump in.

I'm like, am I a mess?

Don't you have to?

Me.

Talk to me.

Talk to me.

I'll talk to you.

I'm like, open your eyes.

Look.

She's good.

Yeah.

Eight.

Nine.

Two.

Don't listen to him.

Ty.

You can't mess with greatness.

Okay, okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Ty.

Thank you.

I love you, too.

Okay, now we're going to talk about the book where they can get it.

Okay.

Great to Perfect.

Thank you.

Is that good?

That's good.

so let's do a book club.

And then, start rolling on camera to.

Do you want me to do something else?