Rob: Up next on Rob at Home- using social media for the greater good.

Meet a California man who is opening the window to the world on what it's like for his family, dealing with dementia.

>>: How old am I going to be?

Dan: You're going to be 90.

>>: 90?!

Dan: 90!

Can you believe it?

>>: You're kidding.

How'd I live that long?

Dan: I don't know, dad.

Rob: Meet Dan Salinger, who is using TikTok to connect with people all around the world, showing what it's like for his family, living with someone with dementia.

He's connecting 10 million people, have already responded.

>>: Well, I'’ve- What I'’ve got to do is figure out what to do with my family, and where am I gonna live?

Dan: Well, I know where you'’re going to live.

>>: I may want to move out of here.

Dan: You want to move out of my house?

>>: Is this your house?

Dan: Yeah!

Rob: Dan Salinger joins us next on Rob at Home to talk about TikTok, his dad, and more.

♪♪ Annc: And now Rob on the Road, exploring Northern California.

Rob: Dan Salinger joins us now from his home.

Dan, it is so good to see you, um, on this platform and thank you for doing this.

Dan: Well, Rob, thank you for inviting me.

It's... it's... it's my pleasure.

Rob: You know, I...

I have to tell you- Anyone who uses, um, their own time and their platform- which everybody has, right?

- for the greater good is something that really captures my attention, and you are capturing a lot of people's attention.

Almost a million people are following your journey with your dad.

Dan: Uh, isn't that crazy?

Rob: It's wild.

It's wild.

Dan: It... wild.

He has some kind of appeal that, uh, transcends, uh, um, culture, country.

It's... it's a worldwide phenomenon.

I don't know what it is, but he's certainly captured the imagination of the world.

Rob: You said, "the world."

You're hearing from people all over the world.

Dan: Oh, my gosh.

Um, Rob, I mean, from Tanzania to Saudi Arabia, to South Africa, to Europe, to South America, Canada, uh, I think every single continent except Antarctica, uh, is represented, and we hear from them daily in the comments.

Absolutely.

Rob: The reason I ask you all of that and point out the worldwide impact is because it's all about your dad, and it's all about explaining and showing, through real life, what it's like to live with dementia and someone who has dementia.

Dan: Yeah, absolutely.

And... and it- You know, it wasn't something that we went into, uh, thinking we were going to, you know, educate the world.

We just took him into the home and, uh, the rest just kind of happened organically.

>>: My stuff here?

Dan: Yeah.

It's all yours.

>>: I can't believe it.

Dan: Yep.

>>: Lisa Forbes.

"“I teach fifth grade in West New York.

"” Dan: Yeah.

Fifth grade teacher.

Thank you so much.

>>: ...I don't know them.

Dan: Well, dad, you must've had some kind of impact on them.

>>: I have to go through all these cards.

That's nice people send me stuff from New York, but I don'’t even know them.

Dan: Well, they know you.

As his symptoms became, uh, more pronounced, it became clear he was not going to be able to live by himself.

He probably stayed by himself, probably, even a little too long, but we were... we were- became extremely worried he was going to have a fall.

Uh, and my brother, Mark, um, um, another- the other... the other half of this... of this situation, he took my dad in, uh, and he had my dad for, you know, for six months by himself, dealing with this every single day.

And, uh, at some point, my brother needed a break.

And so, he took a... he took a little vacation and for that week, uh, Danielle and I kept my dad here at the house.

And at the conclusion of that week, it became clear that- you know, while he... he appears easy going, it was so difficult.

It was such a difficult week.

We knew that it was- would be impossible- it would be an impossible task, uh, to ask Mark to do this permanently, full time.

So, we decided, and I discussed it with Danielle and she, you know, um, agreed to allow me to bring him in half time.

And that's what we did.

It kind of gave Mark a break and and let us pick up, you know, do... do our part and pick up the slack.

And then, you know, since we brought him in, we really discovered, you know, how difficult it is, but we're also really enjoying and growing ourselves, uh, with this journey and... and, you know, basically keeping my dad with the family and outside of, uh, some kind of memory care unit.

So, yeah, it's... it's been an interesting year, for sure.

>>>: I'm a big fan.

I got to take a picture.

Dan: Well, look at that, Grandpa.

>>>: I'’m a big fan of yours.

[indiscernible] >>>: Yeah!

Your son, and your daughter in-law.

Rob: What does your father have, today, and not have, when it comes to the man that you know?

Dan: His situation is short-term memory loss.

So, the... the... the memory, uh, loss is most pronounced short-term.

It's not perfect.

Old- You know, as you get back... 30 or 40 years that are very difficult for him.

When he goes back to his childhood, he remembers names of friends.

He remembers, you know, his older sister who passed when he was in his teens.

He remembers, you know, his education.

He remembers where he went to school.

He remembers the cities.

Uh, but if I asked him, you know, this morning, before I fill him in on where he is, he may not even know what what state he's in.

So, it's clearly the older memories are there.

Um, sometimes they're harder to get to than other times.

He does vary.

Uh, even minute to minute, he will vary with his clarity and his ability to recall, uh, but it's... it's a work in progress and we just do the best we can.

Rob: Does he know?

Dan: Does he know that he's- that he has, uh, memory issues?

Yes.

Rob: You know, I...

I think about all these things you're saying, and I know he can hear you.

Does he know we're talking about him?

Dan: Uh, he... he does not know.

Right now, he's in there eating.

Um, Danielle was... was, you know, she was very talented in the way she scooted him and escorted him back to the kitchen.

Um, I've told him that I'm going to be on, and he will definitely watch this, and he will enjoy watching it.

He'll be laughing with me, sitting on the couch.

"That's you!

That's you!"

Rob: Well, let me ask you- What do you want him to know when he sees this?

What do you want your dad to know when he sees this?

Dan: You know, um, my dad has done a lot for me in my life, and my entire family.

He's always been there, uh, and- You know, even at the beginning of his dementia, we still needed him and depended on him for certain things.

He was the rock of the family and the... the most interesting thing, uh, about this experience, even when we took him in with dementia, what does he do?

He blows up my TikTok channel, changes, you know, the... the... the core of what- of this household over the past year.

I mean, things change when you- when... when you... when you have that many followers on TikTok and... and... and... and, you know, he just is still contributing.

He's still making my life better, more fun.

And it's not me, that... that's all my dad.

So, the amazing thing, even at 90 years old, even with dementia, he's still contributing to my life, my kid's life, all of his kids' life.

He's still managing to do it.

It's quite spectacular, uh, for my dad and- You know, I...

I would want him to know that, if he ever, you know, if he ever asked, if he ever had the clarity to think, he's still helping us.

It's just remarkable.

Rob: I love that, and he's not just helping his family.

There are people that you are running into, that he has impacted directly, through your TikTok channel, who... who have learned how to deal with dementia because of the way you are saying, "I am opening the blinds.

I am letting you in.

Here's what it's like."

Can you give me some examples?

Dan: Absolutely.

Um, and it... it's- it cuts both ways.

It's not just, you know, caregiver thing, 'cause I'm...

I'm not an expert caregiver.

I'm an expert on my dad.

So, you know, I'm not an expert in dementia and Alzheimer's.

I just know how to deal with my dad through trial and error.

And... and... and so, some of that might be useful to people, but it's more just making it mainstream and normalizing it.

I got an email the other day from somebody, uh, who was- It was just, it was so heartwarming.

He said, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know- I've never contacted anybody from social media, but the other day, we were- I was walking with my wife and an... an older gentleman walked up and it was, you know, kind of clear he was a... a bit, uh- He didn't really know where he was.

And he said- He... he walked up and said, 'Hey, I...

I'm having trouble finding my house.'"

Uh, and... and... and... and the person said, "Immediately, I thought of... of Grandpa," and instead of, you know, maybe calling 911, or just walking by, uh, and... and letting the... the... the person deal with it, they said, "Oh, well, come.

Let's... let's go take a walk."

And they were talking, and he was asking, "Do you remember your name?"

"I don't remember my name."

"Do you remember your phone number?"

And the man remembered his phone number.

They called the house.

They got a machine, but they... they got the, you know, the- He remembered.

And they were walking through the neighborhood and then, the... the man just did a U-turn and just walked up a path.

He obviously found his house and they followed him in, and they met his caregiver.

And she was so grateful that they had brought her back.

And the person said in the email, "I never would've done that if I wasn't watching your dad."

Rob: Wow!

Dan: That warmed my heart and... and we've- there's been similar situations like that, other emails, other stories that have really, um, you know, made me feel really good about what I'm doing.

Even though we didn't start out, you know, with altruistic intentions, it clearly is... is helping a lot of people and that just really makes me happy.

Rob: And you said something that just really, really jumps out at me and it is you are humanizing this.

You are showing that this is everyday real life and we have seen so many situations where there's a, uh, an- there's an invisible wall built that separates people from humanity.

Um, and we're seeing that in many cases today, and we see it with the homeless crisis.

Um, we see it with, um- which is really a humanitarian crisis.

Dan: Absolutely.

Rob: And we see it with all types of people seeing other people not for being people.

Dan: Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, in... in.... in this country, and... and... and maybe in... in other countries, it... it's... it's become, you know, um, normal just to take these people and lock them away.

What you can't see- You know, no see, no hear, no trouble.

Well, they're there, whether they're locked up or whether they're living at home.

Um, I- Personally, uh, I...

I think it's... it's great.

I wish that this country would evolve to where this situation was the norm and... and... and locking up in a home is the exception or, at least, wait until it's absolutely necessary.

Uh, you know, if... if something were to happen to my dad, physically, and we just couldn't manage him, uh, medically, appropriately, there may come a time when he has to go and... and get appropriate help, but our... our goal is to delay that as long as we can.

Um, there are some really horrible statistics.

When someone goes to me- to... to memory care, the average lifespan is about seven months, uh, in memory care.

Of course, that's really broad and you're taking a lot of different, uh, things into consideration with that, but seven months is the average, uh, and just- You know, my dad, uh, it's been, well, about a year and a half since... since we had to take him in, so we're already double the average.

I hope he's not going anywhere soon.

Um, I hope this becomes more common.

Uh, I think that would be a great thing.

I think, uh, you know, even some- with the parents, like my mom, one of her biggest concerns is, you know, how is this going to impact our lives?

You know, Mark- Is Mark going to be able to go out and meet someone and... and complete his life when he's spending his time taking care of his dad?

And, you know, the same to me- How is it affecting my marriage?

And I tell her, you know, "Mom, this is what we want to be doing."

Um, you know, when I'm 90 years old, or sitting on my death bed, and I look back, do I want to be spending these days, these nights, the... these evenings, you know- I don't know- drinking in a bar or playing blackjack or hanging out with friends, or sitting in my room, watching the Giants game with my dad?

Um, and I can tell you, I have no regrets thus far.

Rob: I'm happy for you for that.

What... what would you advise people who are dealing with this entering in to their world, the... the signs of dementia, be it in a parent or a spouse, um, or maybe themselves?

What would you advise to people, um, some of those first steps to do?

And I know this is your personal story, but... but what would be some advice you could offer someone who's just... just sticking... sticking their toes into this, so to speak?

Dan: Um, plan.

Plan ahead.

Um, if you have family to draw on, speak with your family.

Get a plan going.

Um, the things you're going to have to jump into really quick are making sure that... that things like hygiene are... are taken care of.

You have to jump into finances.

People become really vulnerable to... to scammers and thieves.

I mean, I see it every day in what I do and, even, I have friends that are dealing with that.

So, to the extent that you can, get in and protect them financially, physically.

Start to meet their doctors.

Start accompanying them to their doctor's appointments because you are going to have to be the one that carries that forward and continues their treatment.

Um, talk to your family about it.

Don't put it off.

Bring them in.

You know, if it's... if it's a situation where you can do a split or get some help, great.

But the more planning you can do, the easier it will be.

It's so easy just to sit back and let things get thrown in your lap, but, you know, it's really tough when you have two days to decide what you're going to do with your dad.

Or if he falls and you have to bring him in and you have no planning, it... it... it's tough.

So, the more planning you can do, the easier it's going to be, for sure.

Rob: Have you been given a prognosis?

Dan: Um, he is not officially diagnosed.

Uh, he probably does not have Alzheimer's, at this point.

If he does, it's probably early stages.

He clearly has dementia, uh, but with no specific diagnosis.

I mean, there... there are two doctors who have signed that he's not capable of taking care of himself.

So, clearly, um, it's obvious, but my dad- It's not been staged, uh, and... and at this point, I don't have any specific diagnosis for you.

Rob: And, you know, I...

I will say that with the umbrella of dementia, within it is Alzheimer's.

That's one of the... the ways that dementia can live, um, in... inside of a human being, one of the ways, and there's... there's many others.

Um, and many times, those diagnosis don't even come 'til even after the person has... has died.

Dan: Right.

Rob: But I do want to ask you that all along the way when you are sharing these stories on TikTok, um- and you're so lucky to have this ability today to capture all this... this footage of your dad, you know, um, and these conversations.

Um, what has this done for you?

Dan: Uh, I mean, it's done a lot for me.

I'll tell you, um, it's... it's actually helped me in my day-to-day treatment with my dad.

I mean, I didn't really think that would happen but, you know, being able to read other persons' observations and their comments about, um, what they see and how I interact with him- you know, a lot of it is- I can't use, but some of it is genuine.

Some people have really, you know, helped me or, you know- Some of the earlier videos when I wasn't as patient, um, you know, maybe in the future, when I'm dealing with him, the memory of those comments comes back in and it's a little- it's calming.

So, um, it- the... the... the social media experience, it's not only made me a better caregiver, it... it's also kind of brought the family in.

It's- You know, it helped Danielle in dealing- You know, it's- Really, what's... what's difficult in this situation is, my wife, it's not her father, you know, and yet she is dealing with him and almost... almost more than me, when I'm- if I'm gone at work.

She does his laundry.

She cooks for him.

She changes his bedding.

I mean, it's a lot of work and responsibility for her and, you know, she's been generous and... and nice enough to do that, and the TikToks have kind of helped her and made that experience, at least, a... a... a little more rewarding because now, you know, there's... there's... there's more to it and we're... we're talking about him to other, you know, to... to his fans.

And, you know, he's really- In... in that instance, he's actually brought the whole family closer together.

My wife and I get to discuss TikTok, her channel, my channel, and it... it actually- the... the weirdest thing- with... with TikTok, my dad has actually made us stronger.

In our situation, because of TikTok, it may actually strengthen our marriage, even though, you know, it was... it was very difficult at the beginning.

It, you know- It- This is a situation, uh, that can be very harmful to, uh, relationships, for sure.

Rob: You know, that... that is so powerful.

When we use any type of... of ability to reach another person for its best purposes, so much good can be done.

And we see, on TikTok, so many, uh, pages and channels that are just filled with junk.

And then, we see people who are using it for good.

For good.

And it's just a beautiful thing to know that... that that... that that is something that can be for the greater good.

It's almost like a support group.

Dan: Yeah.

I mean, and... and in a... in a more general sense- You know, you mentioned 800,000 followers.

So, that, you know, for me, that... that's a responsibility that goes beyond just, you know, pushing taking care of your parents, and to try and be a little more responsible.

So, we... we actually started something called "A Talk and a Walk," which is where I'm doing my videos while I'm walking, hopefully encouraging people to start exercising and walking.

That was big for my dad.

He was a prolific walker.

So, I'm trying to promote health.

We do some unhealthy things on the channel.

I try not to drink alcohol on the channel, but, um, occasionally, you know, that... that will happen.

Um, we... we try and promote healthy living as well and... and... and be responsible with the... the viewership that my dad has, uh, so generously provided for me.

Rob: Yeah, I- but I- And I see that.

And I see that.

And I, also- You know, it's also real life.

So, I just- I think it's great how you fold in real life.

Um, it's a window into a world that if we could open on every single issue in this world, we'd see how much alike we all are.

We could do so much good, um, and you're doing that.

So, I'm just...

I'm just grateful that you are.

And I also want to ask you does your dad know what TikTok is?

Dan: Uh, my dad does not know TikTok, per se, uh, but we call it "the show," um, or, you know, "TV."

"You're on TV."

He's had, you know, a number of... of, uh, news organizations come out, so he's, you know, he's gone through the experience.

He knows- When someone's sitting there with a big camera over their head, he obviously knows he's on TV.

Uh, he doesn't understand this particular app, but he knows, and from the letters and things, uh, that he has this following out there in the world.

And he- I don't think he clearly understands it, but he knows something is going on out there, you know, why cam- why phones are in his face a lot or, you know, why cameras are co- why... why the news is coming over, even what I'm doing right now- He's walk- He... he's walked by, both ways.

He doesn't even give it another thought.

So, he's becoming accustomed to, uh, the li-, uh, I guess a... a life... social media, or media in general.

Uh, but no, he doesn't... he doesn't know that he has a million, uh, close to a million people that love him, and he doesn't know that he's being broadcast out to, you know, tens of millions of people.

He just knows he's on a show.

Rob: Yeah, and then you look at the number of comments that you've gotten and- millions and millions, and I- it's just an- it blows my mind how you keep up with so many.

Dan: Um, you know, I...

I do my best to respond to the co- to those comments because it... it... it is like you say.

This is real life.

These are real issues and, you know, a lot of people who are... who are watching my channel have real problems, themselves.

And oftentimes, they will reach out and... and that's one of the most difficult things I have, you know, is... is taking the time to... to pick out those... those people that I really need to respond to.

Uh, you know, somebody is, you know, saying, "I don't know if I'm going to make it through the next day," um, or, you know, thank... thank- you know, "You... you kept me alive yesterday."

Those are people that I'm going to be on, and... and be out there and encourage them to go out and get help, uh, for sure, but I do my best to respond to almost everybody that... that... that takes the time to watch and... and have a nice comment.

Uh, I think that it's something we owe.

I do my best.

On... on some of the bigger videos, it's impossible, but I...

I do my best.

And so does my wife.

Rob: Uh, I'm just flipping through, right now, on my phone and looking.

I mean, on this one post just 10 days ago, 160,000 people have res... have responded and... and it's just- I mean, you have over 10 million just likes, um, which means that's 10 million people you have connected with.

Um, they're... they're not just liking it for, uh, uh, you know, random things.

It's you are connecting heart-to-heart.

Dan: Well, and that... that's wonderful.

And, you know, that... that's my dad that's bringing in those vast numbers of people.

He has this kind of weird appeal that, you know, is just- uh, it's kind of like a... a very broad, wide appeal.

I don't understand it.

None of us understand it, but we're grateful for it.

Rob: And I also want to ask- You... you... you mentioned "shared," and think about this for a minute, if you... if you had to say what must be shared about this part of your journey, today- not this interview, but your life with your dad, with your wife- what must be shared from this moment?

Dan: Um, that's a great question.

Um, I...

I think that- and I'll probably have a... have a much better perspective five years from now, looking back, but- You know, I...

I really think if... if I... if I look back right now at my... my children and, you know, the... the last five years of my children's life and... and things that I missed- you know, whether it was a sports game or, you know, not going to something at their school or whatever it was that I was too busy to do and had had something else to do- I'm not making that mistake right now with my dad.

With... with- Once the- Once time is gone, it's gone.

You can never get it back and, you know, these are different bonding experience I have with my dad, but it is a- it... it is a true, almost deeper bond than... than I... than I've ever- than I've had with him before.

There is a weird, you know, kind of circle of life.

When... when I'm cutting his toenails, you know, it's something he used to do for me, when I was a baby.

When I am, you know, drying his back when he gets out of the shower 'cause it hurts for him to pick his arms up, you know, these are... these are the gifts that he gave to me when I... when I couldn't help myself.

And now I have an opportunity to return that, and that is something that is- gives you a- It... it... it's very fulfilling, and I think people have to realize there's... there's more than just taking your dad in.

There are the quiet moments, you know, the mo- the... the moments with the shower, the moments when he's going to bed, um, taking his pills, you know, um, dressing his wounds, you know, putting on a band-aid, dealing with his- you know, if he has a rash, putting the ointment on his leg.

I mean, it is full circle.

I'm giving back what he gave to me, and I think that is more rewarding than people realize.

So, I think that's... that's... that's what needs to be shared.

Rob: I love that for you.

You know, I- when I watched your channel- and I watch it all the time- In fact, I had no idea that you were in Northern California and I'd been following you on there, and then I just found that out.

But I...

I, uh, I have to tell you that I thought about the moments in-between, you know, from the videos to every- but between that.

The real life and it's, um- I thought about what that's like, to parent your parent.

Dan: That's what it is.

That's exactly what it is.

You... you are parenting your parent, but they're still your parent, uh, so, you know, it's a very fine line and, you know, ultimately, if... if we're arguing and I know I'm right, I still have to defer to him in the end because he is my parent- unless it's dangerous or what have you.

But that's what it is, it is parenting a parent and, um, you know, I wish I had... had been able to... to enjoy parenting my kids.

I wish I had known how fast that time was going to go.

And now, I...

I know that, at some point in the future, my dad's not going to be here.

I...

I read it every day in the comments from other people.

"Enjoy these moments because, you know, I miss my dad.

"I miss my mom.

I miss those 30 questions, you know, repeating the same question."

And so, it's kind of- For the first time in my life, I have that perspective now and I'm going to enjoy every moment of it because I know it's going to be gone in the blink of an eye.

If you are in my situation and your parents are getting there and you think you can't do it, um, you may surprise yourself.

Uh, take a chance.

Um, you know, if you have siblings, have the... have the talk.

If you can do- You know, whatever situation you can work out to take care of your parents, if you can do it, do it.

Believe in it.

Believe that you can do it.

Do it.

I promise you, it will be rewarding.

Rob: Please thank your wife and your dad, especially your dad, um, just for all of it, for the whole thing.

Dan: I certainly will.

Rob: Thank you for joining us.

It's so great to see you.

♪♪