>> ROLL PLAYING GAMES.

A PERSON UNCONSCIOUS FROM GRAGG ON FLAME AND A HEAD WRAPPED SNUGGLY AROUND THE FIGHTER FROM THE DECAPITATED DRAGON.

>> I GOT DIBS ON HER BOOTS.

>> HER BOOTS?

[SPEAKING SIMULTANEOUSLY] >> THIS IS A FRIEND OF OURS.

>> YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT BY LOOKING AT THEM, BUT THIS PERSON WAS JUST DECAPITATED BY A LARGE BATTLE AXE E, AND HE JUST SUFFERED A FATAL GRAGGION BITE TO THE CHEST ALL IN THE NAME OF AN AFTERNOON OF GOOD, CLEAN FUN.

>> IT'S A WELL ARMED HUNTING PARTY.

>> GIANTS.

>> WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF FANTASY ROLE PLAYING GAMES WHERE PEOPLE GATHER TO BATTLE BEASTS IN SEARCH OF TREASURE.

>> OKAY.

HERE'S NINE, 16, 19.

>> ALL RIGHT.

19.

>> A ROLE PLAYING GAME IS JUST THAT.

IT'S A GAME.

IT HAS RULES.

THERE'S A CERTAIN ELEMENT OF LUCK INVOLVED.

BUT WHAT SETS IT APART FROM A GAME LIKE MONOPOLY ARE A NUMBER OF THINGS.

MOST OF THE GAME TAKES PLACE IN THE MIND.

IT'S AN IMAGINARY GAME WHERE PLAYERS ASSUME IMAGINARY CHARACTERS AND ACT THEM OUT WITHIN A SETTING.

THEY TAKE ON A ROLE, A PERSONA, AND THEY GO THROUGH A COURSE OF EVENTS DESIGNED BY THE GAME REFEREE AND THEY RESPOND TO THOSE EVENTS.

THE ROLE PLAYING COMES IN AS THE PLAYERS ALL TRY TO ASSUME A CHARACTER, A PERSONA, AND RESPOND TO THE EVENTS AS WOULD THE CHARACTER THAT THEY ENVISION.

IT'S SORT OF A THEATRICAL EXPERIENCE.

PLAYERS ARE REPRESENTED.

THEIR CHARACTERS ARE REPRESENTED ON THE TABLE WITH LEAD MINIATURES AS ARE THE CREATURES OR PEOPLE THEY COME UP AGAINST.

THEN USING THE RULES OF MOVEMENT AND ACTION THE PLAYERS ARE ABLE TO MOVE THEIR PIECES ALONG THE TABLE AND RESPOND TO THE SITUATION.

NOW, DURING ALL THIS TIME THE GAME REFEREE IS MAKING SURE THAT THEY ARE FOLLOWING THE RULES AND HE'S ALSO ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS THEY MAY HAVE, LIKE WHAT'S OVER HERE?

YOU SAID IT WAS A CLIFF.

HOW FAR DOWN DOES IT GO?

IT WOULD BE UP TO THE GAME REFEREE TO DESCRIBE THE SITUATION LOU THE PLAYERS TO DEVELOP COLLECTIVELY IN THEIR IMAGINATION WHAT THE SCENE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE.

>> IT'S CONTINUING TO WIND STEEPLY UPWARD.

>> ARE THESE LARGE ROCKS HERE?

>> THIS IS CLIFF STRUCTURE HERE.

THERE IS A HILL BEHIND IT.

FALLS OFF.

SOME OF THESE ARE ACTUAL LONE ROCKS JUTTING FROM THE HILLSIDE.

>> SO IS THE TRAIL STILL PASSABLE?

WITH SOME EFFORT CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

>> SURE.

YOU FOLKS ARE CLIMBING -- >> IN ROLE PLAYING GAMES IT'S THE REFEREE WHO GOVERNS THE RULES OF THE GAME AND PROVIDES ALL OF THE DETAILS SURROUNDING THE PLAYERS' IMAGINARY JOURNEY.

DETAILS WHICH CAN EVEN INCLUDE MAN-EATING MOUNTAIN LIONS.

>> OWE!

>> SOMETHING LEAPS.

IT'S ALMOST TOO LATE BY THE TIME YOU SEE IT.

IT'S GOING TO TRY TO LAND ON TOP OF YOU, BUT WHILE IT'S IN THE AIR, SHEA'S ARROW IS BEING UNLEASHED.

>> 30.

>> THAT'S A HIT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> YOU HIT IT IN THE AIR AS IT'S FALLING.

WITH A LONG BOW YOU MADE IT BY FIVE POINTS SO YOU DO EIGHT POINTS OF DAMAGE TO IT.

THAT'S NOT VERY MUCH.

HEDRICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> MOVING UP.

>> YOU'RE STILL MOVING UP?

>> RIGHT.

>> TABLES AND CHARTS ARE USED TO COMPARE DYE ROLLS THAT THE PLAYERS MAKE AND DETERMINE THE RESULTS.

IF I'M GOING TO JUMP A PARTICULAR STREAM I MAY NEED TO ROLL A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF DICE VERSUS ONE OF MY ABILITIES.

>> HERE'S THE EMBANKMENT OF THE RIVER.

HERE'S THE MUDDY RIVER WITH A TORRENTIAL OCCUR RENT WASHING ACROSS THE ROCKS.

THESE ARE STACKS OF ROCKS LAID ACROSS THE RIVER.

SO ON THOSE THREE DICE YOU WANT A 15 OAR LOAN.

THE REFEREE LOOKS IT UP ON THE TABLE TO DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT HE JUMPED AND MADE IT.

>> IT'S A LITTLE WOBBLY BUT YOU'RE STILL SITTING THERE.

THE NEXT ONE YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO ROLL BOXCARS.

DON'T ROLL BOXCARS.

[SHOUTING] >> OKAY.

YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET.

WHAT THIS INDICATES IS THAT YOU'RE SLIPPING.

OKAY?

I NEED TO SEE YOU ROLL FOUR DICE VERSUS YOUR JUMPING NUMBER.

ROLL 16 OR LOWER ON FOUR DICE.

IT'S DIFFICULT TO DO.

IT WAS A LITTLE SLIPPERIER THAN IT LOOKS.

>> THE GAME REFEREE IS NOT AN ADVERSARY TO THE PLAYERS.

HE IS SIMPLY A FACILITATOR TO THIS IMAGINARY OCCURRENCE.

THIS DEVELOPMENT OF A CAMPAIGN.

HE'S NOT TRYING TO KILL ALL THE CHARACTERS ANY MORE THAN HE'S TRYING TO MAKE SURE THEY ALL GET THE TREASURE AND GO HOME RICH FOLKS.

H IS SIMPLY TRYING TO MAKE IT A CHALLENGE FOR THEM TO DO WHATEVER THEY DO SO THAT THE PLAYERS CAN COME AWAY FROM THE RESULTS FEELING GOOD ABOUT IT, EITHER FEELING JUSTIFIED THAT THE BUILDING COLLAPSED, I'M DEAD, OR I FELL OFF THE CLIFF BECAUSE I GOT A BAD ROLE AND LUCK WASN'T WITH ME THAT DAY, AND MY CHARACTER IS DEAD SO IT'S TIME FOR A NEW ONE.

OR I WAS ON A ROLL, A DID SOME SMART THINGS AND WAS JUSTIFIED IN BRINGING THE TREASURE HOME SO NOW I WILL BE THAT MUCH MORE POWERFUL WHEN I DO MY NEXT QUEST.

>> MODERN ROLE PLAYING GAMES -- AS FAR AS 19th CENTURY PRUSSIA USED BITE THE MILITIA AS A METHOD TO TRAIN OFFICERS IN MANIPULATING LARGE NUMBER OF TROOPS USING SMALL WOODEN BLOCKS ON A TABLE TOP TO REPRESENT TROOP DIVISION IN STANDARD FORM IS A. WHILE AT THE TIME FEW KNEW ABOUT THE GAME FORM WRITER H.G.

WELLS PUBLISHED HIS OWN SYSTEM OF RULES IN A BOOK CALLED LITTLE WARS IN 1913.

WAR GAMING GAINED WIDESPREAD POPULAR APPEAL WHEN IN 1958 THE AVALON HILL COMPANY BEGAN PUBLISHING THEIR LINE OF GAMES BASED ON FAMOUS CAM PANS IN HISTORY.

IN 1974 A REF LIEWG TOOK PLACE WHEN THE DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS GAME WAS INTRODUCED.

ALTHOUGH IT GREW OUT OF MILITARY WAR GAMING IT ALLOWED THE PLAYER TO DEPICT AN INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY INSTEAD OF AN ENTIRE ARMY AT ONCE.

IT WAS SET IN A MID EVAM FANTASY SETTING INCLUDING CATACOMBS WHERE THE PLAYERS FENDED OFF ALL KINDS OF SUPERNATURAL THREATS.

WITH THE ADVENT OF DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS GAMES LIKE IT BEGAN APPEARING IN HUGE NUMBERS AS THE POPULARITY OF ROLE PLAYING BEGAN TO SOAR IN THE 1970s AND '80s.

TO DATE THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF SUCH GAMES ON THE MARKET WHERE HUGE MECHANICAL WAR MACHINES BATTLE IT OUT.

GAMES BASED ON FAMOUS HORROR STORIES.

EVEN A GAME BASED ON THE STAR TREK TELEVISION SERIES AND TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES?

>> LET ME CATCH YOU UP ON WHAT WE DID LAST TIME.

YOU'RE IN THE PROVINCE OF CIRCUMSTANCE.

>> SINCE THEY EVOLVED THE ROLE OF THE GAME MASTER OR REFEREE HAS EVOLVED WITH IT.

NO LONGER JUST THE OVERSEER OF GAME RULES, IT'S ACTUALLY THE GAME MASTER'S JOB TO CREATE THE ENTIRE IMAGINARY WORLD WHEREIN THE CHARACTERS WILL CONDUCT THEIR QUEST.

>> GIVEN CAMPAIGN MAY START WITH A BLANKET PIECE OF PAPER THAT'S TURNED INTO A MAP OF AN ISLAND.

THE GAME REFEREE DECIDES, OKAY, THIS ISLAND IS IN SOME SUCH OCEAN.

THEN THEY START PLACING THE INTERESTING FEATURES ON THE ISLAND.

PLACE SOME MOUNTAINS, THEN TOWNS.

ONCE YOU'VE ESTABLISHED WHERE THE POPULATIONS ARE YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT THOSE POPULATIONS MIGHT BE.

WHERE THE SEAT OF POWER IS.

WHERE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO BE ENGAGED IN THIS SCENARIO MAY COME FROM.

AND SO THE GAME REFEREE SPENDS A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT DESCRIPTIONS FOR THE PLACE NOT UNLIKE A STORY WRITER DEVELOPING A PLOT.

>> ALL I SAW WAS YOU STANDING ON MY WIFE, RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER] >> CASUAL GET-TOGETHERS IN THE HOME ARE NOT THE ONLY WAY TO EXPERIENCE GAMING.

FOR THE REAL GAMING CONNOISSEUR, GAMING CONVENTIONS PROVIDE AN OPPORTUNITY FOR COMPLETE INDULGENCE.

EACH YEAR WAR GAMERS FROM FAR AND WIDE FLOCK TO THESE CONS AS THEY ARE CALLED IN SEARCH MUCH THE ULTIMATE EXPERINCE.

THIS ONE ORGANIZED BY THE SCHENECTADY -- MARKED THEIR 16th ANNIVERSARY.

>> THE FIRST CONVENTION WE WROTE TO GARY, THE CREATOR OF TSR GAMES AND DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS.

HE CAME TO OUR CONVENTION WITH HIS WIFE AND HE BROUGHT BRIAN BLOOM AND SOME OF THE OTHER GUYS FROM THE TSR, AND THEY RANSOM OF THE BEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN.

THEN IT BEGAN TO SNOWBALL.

OUR CONVENTION STARTED TO GROW, THE COUNCIL GOT BIGGER AND BIGGER UNTIL FINALLY WE GOT WHERE WE ARE TODAY.

>> YOU WILL COME TO THE BASE OF THE STAIRS PROBABLY BY FEEL YOU CAN TELL THAT IT WAS A DOORWAY.

>> ALTHOUGH ROLE PLAYING GAMES REMAIN THE MOST POPULAR CONVENTION FARE, WAR GAMES OF ALL KINDS ABOUND.

EVERYTHING FROM NAVAL CAMPAIGNS TO AUTHENTIC BATTLE REENACTMENTS FROM THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR.

MILITARY WAR GAMES ARE PLAYED IN THE SAME TRADITION AS THE ORIGINAL PRUSSIAN GAMES EXCEPT THEY INVOLVE EXTREMELY COMPLICATED RULES AND OFTEN TAKE DAYS TO RESOLVE.

ALL THIS MIGHT MAKE YOU WONDER WHAT IT IS THAT MAKES PEOPLE WANT TO SIT AROUND A TABLE FOR DAYS AT A TIME INDULGING IN THIS STRANGE COMBINATION OF FANTASY AND NUMBER CRUNCHING.

ROLE PLAYING HARKS BACK TO SOME OF THE GAMERS' FONDEST CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES BRINGING OUT SOMETHING OF THE INNER CHILD IN ALL OF THEM.

IT CAN HELP CHILDREN BECOME BETTER ADULTS.

>> I HAVE SEEN TEACHERS WHO HAVE TAKEN KIDS AND CREATED DUNGEONS AND THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN DEFEAT THE MONSTER IS FINISH A MATH PROBLEM OR SOLVE A GEOGRAPHY PROBLEM.

AND THEN YOU GET YOUR REWARD.

>> AS ANY SATISFIED GAMER WILL TELL YOU, BOTH PLAYING THE GAME AND HAVING YOUR CHARACTER SURVIVE CAN BE VERY REWARDING.

>> ALL RIGHT!

>> WOW!

>> LOTS OF TREASURE!

>> JUST AS SATISFYING.

>> ARNIE HAS A HAY TRUCK.

IF YOU LIVE AROUND HERE PROBABLY YOU'VE SEEN T. HE BOUGHT IT USED BACK IN 1959.

FELLA SOLD IT TO HIM SAID IT WAS PRETTY WELL WORE OUT THEN, SO HE SOLD IT TO HIM CHEAP, FOR 40 BUCKS.

ARNIE ALWAYS WAS A SUCKER FOR A DEAL.

IT'S A 1947 INTERNATIONAL.

AT LEAST ARNIE SAYS IT'S AN INTERNATIONAL, AND I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE HIS WORD ON THAT CAUSE IT AIN'T EXACTLY LIKE IT SAYS INTERNATIONAL ON IT ANYWHERE.

FACT IT DON'T SAY A DAMN THING ON IT ANYWHERE.

FACT IT DON'T GOT ANY PAINT ON IT ANYWHERE, BUT SHE RUNS.

OH, THAT OLD TRUCK DOES RUN.

ARNIE IS FAMOUS AROUND HERE FOR WHAT HE CAN KEEP RUNNING.

THE NEWEST TRACTOR HE'S GOT IS A 1952 FORD.

BUT HE DON'T LIKE IT MUCH.

HE SAYS IT JUST DON'T RUN SO GOOD AS THE OLD ONE.

WELL, EVERY FALL ARNIE PARKS THAT HAY TRUCK WAY THE HELL UP TOP THE PASTURE OUTBACK SO NEXT SPRING EHAD WILL HAVE A GOOD LONG ROLL TO GET HER GOING.

WELL, THE FIRST SPRING I WORKED THERE JUST BEFORE WE STARTED HAYING, ME AND ARNIE WALKED UP INTO THE PASTURE TO SEE IF WE COULDN'T GET HER GOING JUST ONE MORE YEAR ARNIE SAYS.

SO HE'S CARRYING A BATTERY AND CARRYING THE TOOL BOX AND OTHER JUNK.

WE LOOKED LIKE A COUPLE OF VETS GOING AFTER A SICK COW.

HE OPENS UP THE HOOD ON THAT THING, ONE OF THEM FUNNY KIND THERE, FOLDS UP LIKE AN ACCORDION.

HE STARTS MESSING AROUND IN THERE DOING WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOU DO UNDERSTAND THE HOOD OF A 1947 INTERNATIONAL THAT'S BEEN SETTING OUT IN THE SNOW ALL WINTER.

AFTER WHILE HE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THERE AND HIS HAT IS ON KIND OF CROOKED.

HE SAYS, TRY HER.

>> I CLIMB IN AND I TURN THE KEY AND PRESS DOWN ON THE STARTER BUTTON LIKE ALL THEM OLD TRUCK GOT BUT NOTHING HAPPENED.

HOLD IT, ARNIE SAYS.

WELL, NOW THAT WEREN'T TOO DAMN HARD.

SO I HELD IT AND HE MESSES AROUND SOME MORE IN THERE THEN STICKS HIS HEAD OUT AND SAYS, TRY HER AGAIN.

SO I TRY HER AGAIN.

THIS TIME SOMETHING DOES MOVE IN THERE.

IT SOUNDS KIND OF LIKE SOMEBODY'S DRAGGING A CINDERBLOCK ACROSS THE CONCRETE FLOOR.

YEP, THERE SHE GOES, ARNIE SAYS, PUT HER IN SECOND AND LET'S GET HER ROLLING.

I PULL THAT SUCKER INTO SECOND GEAR AND ARNIE TAKES A COUPLE OF PIECES OF FIREWOOD OUT FROM UNDER THE BACK WHEELS AND GIVES THAT TRUCK A BIG OLD PUSH.

WELL, THERE'S KIND OF A CRACKING SOUND WHEN THEM WHEELS BREAK LOOSE, YOU KNOW, THEN BY GOD WE'RE ROLLING.

OH, MY GOD, I THINK TO MYSELF, NOW I AM A DEAD MAN FOR SURE.

WELL, SHE ROLLS LIKE SHE'S ON SQUARE WHEELS FOR A MINUTE, YOU KNOW, THEN SHE'S GOING ALONG PRETTY GOOD BOUNCIG AND COMPLAINING ALL THE WAY.

POP THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ARNIE SHOUTS AT ME!

POP THE GODDAMN CATHOLIC CHURCH.

SO I POPPED THE GOD GMA CATHOLIC CHURCH AND THAT TRUCK STOPS LIKE SOMEBODY SHOT IT.

I STICK MY HEAD OUT THE DOOR AND I GO, GOSH, ARNIE, SHE DON'T SOUND REAL GOOD TO ME.

HE'S RUNNING ALONGSIDE LIKE A KID WITH HIS GO-KART.

HE SAYS, OH, HELL, YES, SHE'S JUST A LITTLE STIFF, THAT'S ALL.

TRY HER AGAIN.

SO I PUSH IN AT THE CLUTCH AND HERE WE GO, ROLLING, BOUNCING AND RATTLING ACROSS THE PASTURE.

I HOPE TO HELL THERE AIN'T NOBODY WATCHING.

BOTH DOORS ARE BUSTED ON THAT RIG, YOU KNOW, AND THEY WON'T STAY CLOSED.

EVERY BUMP WE HIT THEM DOORS ARE FLAPPING BACK AND FORTH LIKE SOME BIG OLD BIRD, AND I FIGURE WE'RE EITHER GOING TO EXPLODE OR TAKE RIGHT OFF AND START FLYING.

NO, GODDAMN, IT ARNIE SHOUTS AT ME, POP THE GODDAMN CLUTCH.

SO I POP THE GODDAMN CLUTCH AGAIN AND THIS TIME SHE REALLY LURCHES, JUST ABOUT THROWING ME THROUGH THE WINDOW.

BUT SHE MAKES A KIND OF GRAVEL WYKOFFING SOUNDS LIKE SHE JUST GOT WOKE OUT OF A DEEP SLEEP.

THEN THAT OLD ENGINE TURNS OVER, CATCHES ONCE, KIND OF GETTING THE HANG OF IT AGAIN, YOU KNOW, THEN, BY GOD, SHE RUNS.

I DRIVE HER ON DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL, PUMPING THE GAS NOW AND THEN, GIVING HER A CHANCE TO PRACTICE.

WELL, ARNIE, HE COMES WALKING DOWN ACROSS THE FIELD THERE CARRYING HIS TOOL BOX AND SMILING ALL PROUD.

HE KNEW SHE WOULD RUN.

SHE ALWAYS RUNS.

THEN COURSE A FEW DAYS AFTER THAT WE STARTED IN HAYING.

MOSTLY I JUST THREW BALES THAT DAY SINCE I WAS THE NEW GUY AND I LET OTHER GUYS DO THE DRIVING SINCE THAT'S KIND OF THE EASIER JOB, BUT COME TIME TO TAKE THE LAST LOAD HOME ARNIE TOLD ME TO CLIMB IN THE INTERNATIONAL AND DRIVE HER ON BACK.

WELL, NOW, IT IS QUITE A SIGHT INSIDE THE CAB OF THAT TRUCK I WANT TO TELL YOU.

IT LOOKS KIND OF LIKE A WHOLE TEAM OF RATS BEEN CHEWING ON THAT SEAT EVER SINCE 1947, AND THE ONLY THING THEY WEREN'T REAL PARTIAL TO WAS SPRINGS, SO THERE'S PLENTY OF THEM LEFT.

WE GOT SPRINGS GOING EVERY WHICH WAY REICH TO POKE YOU FROM 17 DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.

SOMEBODY THREW AN OLD GRAIN SACK ON TOP OF IT, BUT HELL, THAT DON'T DO NOTHING EXCEPT HIDE THE DANGER.

I THREW MY SHIRT DOWN THERE TOO AND I JUST FIGURED I WOULD HAVE TO SETTLE IN KIND OF LIGHT.

WELL, I STARTED UP.

SHE STARTS EASY NOW, OF COURSE, AND IT'S GETTING KIND OF DARK, SO I START LOOKING AROUND FOR THE LIGHT SWITCH.

WELL, COURSE NOTHING ON THAT DASHBOARD SAYS WHAT IT IS ANY MORE IF IT EVER DID, AND THE FIRST KNOB I PULL COMES RIGHTS OFF IN MY HAND.

I STICK MY HEAD OUT THE DOOR AND I SAY, HEY, ARNIE!

HOW THE HELL DO YOU TURN THE LIGHTS ON IN THIS DOGGONE THING?

WELL, ARNIE, HE JUST COMES WALKING OVER HERE AND HE IS SMILING PRETTY GOOD.

LIGHTS, HE SAYS IN OH, DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT LIGHTS, BOY, THEY WILL HEAR YOU COMING.

THEN HE STARTS WALKING OFF, THINKS BETTER OF IT, COMES BACK AND SAYS YOU BEST WATCH YOURSELF JUST A LITTLE GOING DOWN FOSTER'S HILL, THOUGH.

THE BRAKES NEED JUST A LITTLE WORK ON THIS THING.

YOU KIND OF GOTTA PUMP THEM.

WELL, NOW, FOSTER'S HILL IS THE ONLY REALLY BIG ONE BETWEEN THE BACK FARM AND THE BARN, AND I WAS KIND OF DREADING THAT ALL THE WAY.

IT GOES DOWN PRETTY STEEP THERE, THEN IT TURNS A LITTLE CORNER.

THE BOTTOM WHERE IT GOES ACROSS THE BRIDGE OVER THE BROOK.

WELL, I COME UP OVER THE BROW OF THAT HILL AND I COULDN'T SEE TOO DAMN GOOD, BUT IT ALL OF A SUDDEN SEEMED A HELL OF A LOT STEEPER THAN I EVER REMEMBERED.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I SHOULD SHIFT DOWN FROM SECOND TO FIRST, BUT BY THE TIME I GOT THAT FIGURED OUT IT WAS TOO LATE.

I WAS ALREADY GOING DOWN AND IF I HAD PUSHED THE CLUTCH IN WITH A FULL LOAD OF HAY THAT BUZZARD WOULD HAVE TAKEN OFF LIKE A RABBIT.

WELL, SHE STARTS COUGHING AND SPITING AND BACKFIREING AND WORKING UP TO THAT WHINE A TRUCK GETS WHEN IT GOES DOWN A HILL AND I ALL OF A SUDDEN START THINKING, HEY, YOU KNOW, MAYBE FARMING JUST AIN'T THE LIFE FOR ME AFTER ALL.

I REACHED DOWN FOR THAT BRAKE PEDAL ARNIE WARNED ME ABOUT AND IT WENT RIGHT DOWN TO THE FLOOR.

LIKE THERE WARRANT NOTHING THERE.

NO PROBLEM.

ARNIE SAYS YOU GOTTA PUMP, SO I PUMPED AND I PUMPED AND I PUMPED SOME MORE THEN I'M PRACTICALLY STANDING ON THAT DAMN PEDAL TRYING TO PUMP LIFE INTO THEM WORTHLESS BRAKES BUT IT KEPT GOING DOWN LIKE A FENCE POST IN THE SAND AND I FIGURE ALL THE GOOD I GOT OUT OF THEM BRAKES WAS ABOUT AS MUCH AS IF SOMEBODY HAD COME ALONG AND DROPPED A LITTLE BLUEBERRY MUFFIN IN FRONT OF ONE OF MY TIRES.

WELL, NOW EXCUSE ME, FOLKS, BUT I AIN'T REALLY THINKING A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT ABOUT SAVING THAT LOAD OF HAY ANY MORE.

I'M MORE THINKING SWEET JESUS IF YOU'RE UP THERE PLEASE DON'T LET ME DIE!

I'M HANGING ON TO THAT STEERING WHEEL, PUMPING THEM WORTHLESS BRAKES AND I'M SHOUTING GODDAMN YOU, ARNIE, GODDAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

ABOUT HALFWAY DOWN THE HILL I'LL BE DOGGONED IF I DON'T SEE A PAIR OF HEADLIGHTS.

COMING ACROSS THE BRIDGE AND UP THE HILL TOWARDS ME.

OH, MY GOD, SO I HANG ON EVEN TIGHTER AND I'M PUMPING THEM BRAKES EVEN HARDER THEN I GET IT IN MY HEAD, MAYBE I CAN REASON WITH THEM STUPID BRAKES.

COME ON, YOU SUCCESSOR, PLEASE GRAB.

JUST ONE MORE TIME, PLEASE GRAB.

NOW LOOK, HERE I AM GOING DOWN THIS HILL AND THE CAR IS COMING UP THE HILL TOWARDS ME, AND I ALL OF A SUDDEN REALIZE I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT OR NOTHING, SO WHEN THEY GO BY I'M SMILING AND WAVING, REAL FRIENDLY LIKE, LIKE I ALWAYS COME DOWN STEEP HILLS WITH A FULL LOAD OF HAY DOING 45 IN SECOND GEAR IN THE DARK WITH NO HEADLIGHTS!

SURE!

THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF GUY I AM!

WELL, I MADE IT PAST THAT CAR SOMEHOW AND NOW HERE COME THE BRIDGE.

I HAVE ONE QUICK THOUGHT ABOUT MAYBE TRYING TO MAKE A JUMP FOR IT, BUT HELL, THERE AIN'T NO TIME FOR THAT SO I HOPE DEAR GOD IF I HAVE TO DIE AT LEAST PLEASE DON'T LET IT HURT TOO BAD!

WELL, I MADE IT.

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW.

BUT I TURNED THAT CORNER AND CROSSED THE BRIDGE, AND THE ROAD LEVELED OUT SOME, AND GRAVITY DONE WHAT ARNIE'S BRAKES COULDN'T DO AND I WAS JUST GLAD I DIDN'T MAKE ME NO FOOLISH PROMISES TO GOD OR JESUS.

I CLIMBED OUT OF THE TRUCK THERE TO CHECK THE LOAD.

AND BY SOME MIRACLE WHICH I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND I HAD NOT LOST ONE SINGLE BALE.

I CLIMBED BACK IN THE TRUCT THERE AND I REVVED THAT OLD ENGINE A COUPLE TIMES.

SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S HAVING FUN!

THEN I HEADED ON BACK TOWARDS THE BARN.

WELL, I PULL IN THE YARD THERE, YOU KNOW, TRYING TO LOOK JUST AS COOL AS CAN BE.

I KNOW DAMN WELL IF I EVER LET ON TO ANYTHING I'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT.

ARNIE HE COMES OUT ON THE PORCH THERE AND HE'S SMILING PRETTY GOOD.

YEAH.

SOUNDED LIKE YOU WAS BACKFIRING JUST A LITTLE COMING DOWN THE HILL THERE, WEREN'T YOU, HE SAYS?

LITTLE BIT I GUESS, I SAYS.

WELL, ARNIE, HE WALKS OVER AND HE SLAPS THE HOOD OF THAT TRUCK LIKE HE'S TOUCHING HIS FAVORITE COW.

SO YOU LIKE MY OLD HAY TRUCK, DO YOU, HE SAYS?

SURE, I SAYS, AND I'M TRYING TO GET MY BACK POCKET UNHITCHED FROM ONE OF THEM SPRINGS.

I LIKE HER FINE.

MAYBE YOU'LL LET ME TAKE IT TO CHURCH ONE DAY.

WELL, ARNIE, HE PUSHES HIS HAT BACK ON HIS HEAD, HE SAYS, YEAH, SHE'S KIND OF AN OLD JUNKIE GUESS, HE SAYS, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK SHE'S GOT A FEW MORE GOOD YEARS IN HER.

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