♪ [clicking] [click] [muffled blast] [ticking] HMM.

RUMPOLE, YOU'RE NOT NORMAL.

[groaning] I'M DYING.

NONSENSE.

WHAT DID DR. HANSON SAY IT WAS?

DEATH.

HE SAYS THERE'S A LOT OF IT ABOUT.

OH... Dickerson: LOOK, WE KNOW YOU DONE THE POST OFFICE.

YOU GOT NOTHING TO SAY TO ME, CHARLIE?

BAIL.

HE HAD THE GUN.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

YOU WERE ONLY ALONG TO DO THE SAFE?

MY MISSUS IS QUEER.

YOU OPPOSING BAIL?

YOU TALK ABOUT THE SAFE, AND I'LL TALK ABOUT BAIL.

IS THAT A PROMISE?

OF COURSE IT'S A PROMISE.

LET'S SHAKE HANDS ON IT.

YOU AFRAID TO SHAKE HANDS WITH A COP?

ALL RIGHT, CHARLIE.

THAT DIDN'T HURT NOW, DID IT?

"NOW MORE THAN EVER SEEMS IT RICH TO DIE.

"TO CEASE UPON MIDNIGHT WITH NO PAIN.

"FADE FAR AWAY DISSOLVE AND QUITE FORGET "WHAT THOU AMONG THE LEAVES "HAS NEVER KNOWN.

"THE WEARINESS, THE FEVER AND THE FRET--" DR. HANSON SAYS YOU'RE NOT DYING.

YOU'VE JUST GOT FLU.

OPEN.

OW!

UGH.

OH, IMAGINE.

DEATH, NO MORE JUDGES.

[chuckles] NO MORE BOWING AND SCRAPING.

"IF YOUR LORDSHIP PLEASES..." NO MORE LISTENING TO INTERMINABLE, TURGID SPEECHES FROM MY LEARNED FRIENDS, THE PROSECUTION.

[phone rings] "OH, TO CEASE UPON MIDNIGHT..." YES?

Henry: CAN I SPEAK TO MR. RUMPOLE?

NO, I'M AFRAID YOU CAN'T SPEAK TO MR. RUMPLE AT THE MOMENT.

WHO CAN'T SPEAK?

BECAUSE HE'S BUSY AT PRESENT.

I'M NOT BUSY.

BUSY DYING.

OR THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS HE'S DOING ANYWAY.

SO HE'S NOT AVAILABLE FOR A CASE, THEN?

NO, HENRY, NOT THIS WEEK.

IT'S MY CLERK, HENRY!

GIVE ME THE PHONE.

HENRY?

HELLO, SIR, HOW YOU FEELING?

OH, I'M NOT TOO BAD, HENRY.

NOT DYING THEN, SIR?

NO, REPORTS OF MY DEATH HAVE BEEN GREATLY EXAGGERATED.

NO, A TOUCH OF FLU.

THAT'S ALL.

COULD YOU HANDLE A TOUCH OF SAFE BLOWING, SIR?

SAFE BLOWING?

IT'S ON AT BRIXTON AT 2:30.

BRIXTON, 2:30.

I SHALL BE THERE, HENRY.

ARE YOU SURE, SIR?

QUITE SURE.

I'LL FLING ON A FEW TOGS.

CHAMPION, MR. RUMPOLE.

YES, BYE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE DYING, RUMPOLE.

DYING, NO.

DYING... WILL HAVE TO BE POSTPONED.

SAFE BLOWING COMES FIRST.

[sighs] STACK OF LETTERS PILING UP FOR YOU HERE, LOVE.

OK. [door shuts] [muted chatter] OH, FROBISHER.

WHAT IS IT, ERSKINE-BROWN?

I'VE GOT BITS OF YOUR PARTICULARS OF NUISANCE IN HERE ALL OVER MY DEFENSE AND COUNTERCLAIM.

YES, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HENRY PUT ME IN HERE LAST NIGHT.

GOOD MORNING, MISS TRANT.

MORNING.

EXCUSE ME.

HOSKINS HAD A CONFERENCE IN OUR ROOM.

THE ACCOMMODATION PROBLEMS IN THESE CHAMBERS ARE BECOMING RIDICULOUS.

MY NEW PUPIL HAS TO SHARE A DESK WITH PHILLY HERE.

I'M AWFULLY SORRY.

AFRAID I CAN'T HELP YOU.

THERE ISN'T ROOM TO PUT A CUP OF TEA DOWN UPSTAIRS.

OH, REALLY.

WELL, I SUPPOSE WE'LL JUST HAVE TO HANG ONTO THIS BLACK HOLE OF CALCUTTA A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.

HE CAN'T BE WITH US FOREVER.

WHAT?

WHO CAN'T BE WITH US?

RUMPOLE.

HE'S BOUND TO RETIRE SOMETIME.

HE'S A GOOD AGE, AND HENRY WAS TELLING ME HE'S NOT BEEN AT ALL WELL.

[door shuts] MORNING, RUMPOLE.

OH, MORNING.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE OFF SICK?

NO, NO, COMPLETELY RECOVERED NOW.

[sneezes] SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU.

Trant: NASTY COLD YOU'VE GOT.

OUGHTN'T YOU BE IN BED?

NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE, MISS TRANT.

WOMEN ARE SUCH INDUSTRIOUS CREATURES.

WHAT'S YOUR BRIEF?

OH, JUST A THIEF.

HE'LL HAVE TO PLEAD GUILTY.

DOESN'T WANT TO, OF COURSE.

OF COURSE.

WILL YOU TWIST HIS ARM, PHILLY?

EXCUSE ME.

OH, SORRY.

JUDGES DON'T LIKE WASTING THE COURT'S TIME WITH HOPELESS CASES.

YES, I SUPPOSE IT'S HOPELESS.

HE SAID SUCH RIDICULOUS THINGS TO THE POLICE.

NEVER PLEAD GUILTY.

THAT SHOULD BE WRITTEN UP IN LETTERS A FOOT HIGH ON EVERY ROOM IN CHAMBERS.

A FOOT HIGH?

WE HAVEN'T GOT ROOM FOR IT.

[laughter] HELLO, GEORGE.

HELLO, RUMPOLE.

HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ABOUT LATELY.

OH, I'VE BEEN DYING.

NO, DON'T DO THAT.

I SHALL MISS YOUR HELP WITH THE CROSSWORD.

OH, THE JUSTIFICATION FOR MY EXISTENCE, HELPING GEORGE FROBISHER WITH HIS CROSSWORD.

HELLO, HENRY.

I CAME AS QUICK AS I COULD.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'VE ARRIVED, SIR, BECAUSE THEY WANT THE TWO OF YOU DOWN THERE AT 12:00 NOW.

OH, YES.

OH, BLESS YOU, LOVE.

THE TWO OF US?

YEAH, THE DEFENDANT WHEELER'S GOT A CERTIFICATE FOR TWO COUNSEL.

HAS HE?

GIVING ME A JUNIOR, ARE THEY?

SOMEONE TO TAKE NOTES?

NOT EXACTLY, MR. RUMPOLE.

YOU'RE BEING LED.

THEY'RE BRIEFING A SILK.

YOU CAN TAKE IT EASY FOR ONCE, SIR.

I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT EASY.

HAVEN'T THEY GOT THE MESSAGE YET?

I'M OFF THE LEADING REIN, I'M OUT OF ROMPERS.

I DID THE PENGE BUNGALOW MURDERS WITHOUT A LEADER!

I'M SURE THEY APPRECIATE THAT, MR. RUMPOLE.

OH, HELLO, RUMPOLE.

OH, HELLO, GUTHRIE.

I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GOING TO BE SEEING A LOT OF MY BACK THIS WEEK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN A LOT OF YOUR BACK?

I'M LEADING YOU IN THE DARTFORD POST OFFICE ROBBERY.

YOU'RE LEADING ME?

MORNING, MR. FEATHERSTONE.

YOU WERE QUITE RIGHT, MISS TRANT.

I SHOULD HAVE STAYED AT HOME IN BED.

AND DIED.

[coughs] IF YOU ASK ME, THIS CASE IS AS DEAD AS A DOORNAIL.

SO ARE WE ALL EVENTUALLY.

WHEELER'S FINGERPRINTS ON A LUMP OF GELIGNITE?

I KNOW.

FOUND BY THE SAFE.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

[Rumpole coughs] I WONDER WHY HE DIDN'T LEAVE HIS VISITING CARD.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, OLD DARLING.

[knocking] OLD CONS LIKE CHARLIE WHEELER DON'T HAVE VISITING CARDS.

AFTER YOU, MY LEARNED LEADER.

LEADERS ALWAYS GO INTO BRIXTON FIRST.

[unlocking] THANK YOU.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

MORNING.

MORNING.

[locking] OH... OH, I'M THAT GLAD TO SEE YOU, MR. RUMPOLE.

HELLO, CHARLIE.

IT'S AMAZING THE REPUTATION YOU'VE GOT AROUND D WING.

[coughs] WELL, THEY CAN WRITE THAT ON MY TOMBSTONE-- "HE HAD A GREAT REPUTATION AROUND D WING."

NOT GONNA DIE, ARE YOU, MR. RUMPOLE?

I HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING IT.

BECAUSE I'M GLAD YOU'RE DOING MY CASE.

OH, WELL, I'M NOT EXACTLY DOING YOUR CASE, CHARLIE.

OH, YOU'RE NOT?

NO, YOUR CASE IS BEING HANDLED BY MR. GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE, Q.C., MP.

HIS NAME IS CONSTANTLY MENTIONED IN THE CORRIDORS OF POWER.

OH, WELL I HAVEN'T HEARD MUCH ABOUT HIM IN THE CORRIDORS OF D WING.

RUMPOLE, IF I MAY...

I'M SORRY.

MR. GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE, Q.C., MP.

HOW DO YOU DO?

RIGHT, NOW THEN, WHEELER.

HE MEANS YOU, CHARLIE.

RUMPOLE...

I SHALL MAKE A NOTE OF YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM FROM NOW ON.

WHAT I WANTED TO SAY, WHEELER, WAS... OH, BUGGER.

WE'RE HERE TO FIGHT THIS CASE, AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE A STONE UNTURNED NOT TOO FAST, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

TO FIGHT IT.

TO THE BEST OF MY POOR ABILITY.

"MY POOR ABILITY."

MR. BERNARD HAS NO DOUBT TOLD YOU WHO OUR JUDGE IS TO BE?

OH YEAH, I KNOW.

JUDGE BULLINGHAM.

SO, ANY SORT OF ATTACK ON THE HONESTY OF THE POLICE...

I TOLD YOU, CHARLIE.

WOULD ACT LIKE A RED RAG TO A BULLINGHAM.

[laughs] I SUPPOSE YOU TOLD HIM THAT.

YEAH, MR. BERNARD'S EXPLAINED IT ALL TO ME.

I DON'T WANT TO LAY INTO DIRTY DICKERSON.

WHO'S THAT?

OH, DETECTIVE INSPECTOR DICKERSON.

HE'S THE OFFICER IN CHARGE OF THE CASE.

NO, I MEAN THERE'S NOT A WHOLE LOT OF POINT.

WELL, EXACTLY.

YOU SEE, WHEELER, THE CASE AGAINST YOU IS INDISPUTABLE.

SO, WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANNOYING THE JUDGE WITH A WHOLE LOT OF QUESTIONS?

THERE YOU ARE, CHARLIE.

IF I WAS TO SAY NOTHING AGAINST DICKERSON, IF I WAS TO KEEP QUIET, LIKE, UH... HOW MUCH, MR. RUMPOLE?

EH?

I WAS HOPING FOR EIGHT.

EIGHT?

OH, HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL IN THE HUMAN BREAST.

IN MY EXPERIENCE-- NOW LISTEN TO THE WISE WORDS OF THE LEARNED LEADER.

ANY SORT OF ATTACK ON THE POLICE IN A CASE LIKE THIS WILL ADD CONSIDERABLY TO YOUR SENTENCE.

SO, LET'S BE SENSIBLE.

AND I MUST WARN YOU, WHEELER, THE TIME MAY VERY WELL COME WHEN I HAVE TO THROW IN MY HAND-- YOU MEAN CHARLIE'S HAND, DON'T YOU?

DOES HE?

I CAN'T MAKE BRICKS WITHOUT STRAW.

DOWN THE BAILEY, OLD DARLING, YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE BRICKS WITHOUT BRICKS.

YOU DON'T GET THE LUXURY OF STRAW.

OF COURSE, I'LL MITIGATE.

MITIGATE?

"MY LORD, MY CLIENT ONLY WENT IN "TO BUY A 7P STAMP, "BUT AS HE WAS KEPT WAITING BY 10 OLD LADIES "WITH PENSION BOOKS, "HE LOST HIS PATIENCE AND BLEW THE SAFE."

VERY GOOD MITIGATION.

[cars passing] LOOK, FORGET MITIGATION FOR A MINUTE.

WHAT'S THE USE OF SPENDING THE WHOLE OF YOUR LIFE IN AN ATTITUDE OF PERPETUAL APOLOGY?

YOU THINK AN OLD CON LIKE CHARLIE WHEELER WOULD BLOW A SAFE WITHOUT WEARING GLOVES?

EVEN AT A SUB POST OFFICE IN DARTFORD?

RIGHT.

DO YOU THINK HE WOULD'VE LEFT A BIT OF SPARE GELIGNITE AROUND WITH HIS DABS ON IT?

IS THAT THE MARK OF A PROFESSIONAL?

[laughs] I ASK YOU.

WELL, THINK ABOUT IT, FEATHERSTONE.

IT'S ABOUT AS LIKELY AS YOU STANDING UP IN COURT AND MITIGATING IN YOUR PAJAMAS.

OH DEAR, IS THAT YOURS?

[muted chatter] [door shuts] I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT SHE DOES TO BRUNHILDA.

I HEARD THE REVIEWS... [muted conversation] I THOUGHT I'D VISIT OLD T.C.

ROWLEY IN THE HOSPITAL.

I HEAR HE'S NOT TOO WELL.

WELL, WHO IS NOWADAYS?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I UNDERSTAND UNCLE TOM IS DISTINCTLY SEEDY.

MIND YOU, OVER 80.

GOOD AGE.

WHAT'S GOOD ABOUT BEING OVER 80?

MR. RUMPOLE?

YES?

EXCUSE ME.

PHILBEAM.

WELL, I'LL BE OFF.

MY NAME IS PHILBEAM.

ANY MESSAGES FOR UNCLE TOM?

I WRITE THE "IN-DEPTH" COLUMN IN THE SUNDAY-- GIVE HIM MY LOVE.

OH, TELL HIM WE'LL ALL BE JOINING HIM EVENTUALLY.

REALLY, RUMPOLE.

[laughs] MR. PHILBEAM, I'M SORRY.

SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.

I THINK I'VE SEEN YOU ON THE PRESS BENCH, HAVEN'T I?

I'LL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO YOU FELLAS FOR THE SPACE YOU GAVE ME FOR THE PENGE BUNGALOW MURDERS, NO DOUBT YOU RECALL.

I THINK THAT WAS BEFORE MY TIME.

OH YES, PROBABLY REPORTED BY YOUR GRANDFATHER.

I WAS IN COURT WHEN YOU DEFENDED KEN ASPEN.

THE RAPE CASE, WITH THE MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT?

NOT ONE OF MY MAJOR TRIUMPHS.

I WAS VERY IMPRESSED INDEED WITH THE WAY YOU CROSS-EXAMINED THE GIRL.

SEE YOU IN THE MORNING, RUMPOLE.

YES, ALL RIGHT, GEORGE.

ARE THEY?

WELL, I'M JUST OFF TO UNCLE TOM.

HERE, A CARD.

GIVE HIM OUR BEST, WON'T YOU, PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU TOMORROW.

OH, BY THE WAY, ERSKINE-BROWN, HENRY WAS TELLING ME THAT YOU'RE PROSECUTING IN THE DARTFORD POST OFFICE CASE.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S VERY CIVILIZED.

WELL, I HOPE SO.

I DON'T MIND AN OCCASIONAL CRIME.

PROVIDED ONE'S ON THE RIGHT SIDE.

THE RIGHT SIDE BEING THE PROSECUTION.

OF COURSE, YEAH.

[sneezes] BLESS YOU.

I GATHER YOU'RE LEADING RUMPOLE IN THIS.

WELL, I HOPE TO BE ABLE TO MAKE THAT... CLEAR EVENTUALLY.

I'M SORRY, MAKE WHAT CLEAR?

WHO EXACTLY IS LEADING WHO.

[laughter] YES.

[muted chatter, coughing] Rumpole: WELL, CHEERS.

CHEERS.

WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO ASK YOU, MR. RUMPOLE, IS...

YES?

YOU'RE DEFENDING CHARLIE WHEELER.

OH, YES, AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE.

THE POLICE OFFICER ON THAT CASE IS DETECTIVE INSPECTOR-- THAT'S RIGHT DIRTY DICKERSON.

DIRTY DICKERSON.

YOU KNOW HOW HE GOT THAT NAME?

NO, I DON'T.

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD.

BUT I DON'T.

TELL ME ALL, MR. PHILBEAM.

YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED.

I JUST DID AN INTERVIEW WITH A MAN CALLED "HARRIS."

HARRY HARRIS.

AH... A SORT OF MINOR SOUTH LONDON VILLAIN, LOADS OF CONVICTIONS.

OH, SOUNDS LIKE MY SORT OF CRIMINAL.

SURPRISED I DON'T KNOW HIM.

I NEVER PRINTED IT, OF COURSE, BUT HARRIS TOLD ME THAT DICKERSON ONCE HANDED HIM A STOLEN CIGARETTE CASE.

THEN WHEN HARRIS HAD HIS FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER IT, DICKERSON ASKED HIM FOR 300 QUID NOT TO PROSECUTE HIM.

GLORY HALLELUJAH.

YOU'RE A BLESSING IN AN EXCELLENT DISGUISE, MR. PHILBEAM.

I TRUST THIS WAS NOT AN ISOLATED INCIDENT.

OH, I HAVE A WHOLE FILE ON DICKERSON.

VERY MUCH LIKE TO USE IT, BUT I CAN'T YET.

YOU SEE, THE EDITOR DOES LIKE TO WIN HIS LIBEL ACTIONS.

OH, DON'T WE ALL?

YOU KNOW, QUITE A LOT OF VILLAINS HAVE DICKERSON ON A REGULAR RETAINER.

REALLY?

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED.

INDEED I AM.

LOOK, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD LAY HANDS ON THIS HARRY HARRIS FOR US?

I KNOW THE PUBS HE GOES TO.

SHOULDN'T BE TOO DIFFICULT.

WELL, DO TRY, MR. PHILBEAM.

LEAVE NO PUB UNTURNED.

HARRY HARRIS COULD BE THE STRAW WE MIGHT MAKE A COUPLE OF BRICKS WITH.

HERE, DRINK UP.

HAVE ANOTHER.

CHEERS.

OH.

MR. FINGLETON, ARE YOU AN EXPERT IN THE MATTER OF FINGERPRINTS?

YES.

[blows nose loudly] AND DO YOU PRODUCE ENLARGED PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE FIRST, SECOND AND THIRD FINGERS OF THE DEFENDANT WHEELER?

[coughs loudly] YES.

ARE THOSE HIS ADMITTED FINGERPRINTS, MR. FEATHERSTONE?

THEY ARE ADMITTED, MY LORD.

I'M VERY MUCH OBLIGED TO YOU, MR. FEATHERSTONE.

I BET YOU ARE, OLD DARLING.

AND DO YOU ALSO PRODUCE ENLARGED PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE FINGERPRINTS ON A SMALL PIECE OF GELIGNITE-- [shaking canister] EXHIBIT 12?

YES.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT THOSE TWO SETS OF FINGERPRINTS?

WELL, I FOUND 32 DISTINCT POINTS OF...

POINTS OF... SIMILARITY.

BY POINTS OF SIMILARITY, YOU MEAN...

THE BREAK IN THE FIRST WHORL ON THE INDEX FINGER, FOR INSTANCE, MY LORD.

[crunching] IT'S THE SAME IN BOTH CASES.

YES, YES, YES, I THINK THE JURY CAN SEE THAT QUITE CLEARLY.

AND SO, MR. FINGLETON, WHAT IS YOUR CONCLUSION?

JUST TELL THE JURY.

MY CONCLUSION IS THAT THE FINGERPRINTS-- [Rumpole sneezes loudly] IDENTICAL.

THANK YOU, MR. FINGLETON.

[closes case] MR. FEATHERSTONE?

OH, NO QUESTIONS, MY LORD.

THANK YOU, MR. FEATHERSTONE.

WHAT?

WELL, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITH THIS EVIDENCE.

NO, YOU CAN'T.

I CALL POLICE CONSTABLE HODDLE, MY LORD.

NO BLOODY QUESTIONS.

[blows nose loudly] [grumbles] [clock ticking] YOU'RE NOT NORMAL, GUTHRIE.

IN FACT, YOU'RE 102.

[groans] YOU CAN'T GO TO COURT TOMORROW.

I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS SO SERIOUS.

YES, WELL, IT IS.

I'M NOT HAVING YOU GET PNEUMONIA FOR THE SAKE OF SOME PETTY THIEF.

GOT THE FOREIGN OFFICE DINNER NEXT WEEK.

AND YOUR SPEECH ON DEVOLUTION.

OH, YES, THAT'S TRUE.

OH, DEAR.

IT COULDN'T HAVE COME AT A WORSE TIME.

SURELY YOUR JUNIOR CAN CARRY ON.

OH, THERE'S REALLY NOT MUCH TO DO.

AFTER THE WAY THE CASE WENT TODAY, THE SOONER WE PLEAD GUILTY THE BETTER.

WHO IS YOUR JUNIOR?

HORACE RUMPOLE.

OH, WELL, HE CAN DO THE MITIGATION.

YES, HE CAN COPE, I SUPPOSE.

IT'S ONLY MITIGATION.

I'LL GET THE NUMBER FOR YOU.

NOW JUST DRINK THIS UP.

OH, NO.

YES.

OH.

THERE WE GO.

I'M SORRY, DEAR, YOU'RE NOT WELL, OLD DEAR.

Featherstone: LISTEN.

YEAH?

YOU REALIZE, OF COURSE, WE'VE GOT TO PLEAD.

OH, YES, OF COURSE.

SO IT'S VITAL THAT WE DON'T ATTACK THE POLICE EVIDENCE.

ABSOLUTELY.

NOW, RUMPOLE-- NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'LL ADOPT YOUR TECHNIQUE.

OH, I DID ADMIRE THAT SO MUCH.

"NO QUESTIONS, MY LORD."

I'LL BE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN.

NOW, YOU STAY IN BED, GUTHRIE.

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AT LEAST.

YOU DON'T WANT TO RELAPSE.

NO, LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.

RELY ON RUMPOLE.

BYE.

[phone hangs up] "OH, FRABJOUS DAY!

KALOO, KALAY!

"HE CHORTLED IN HIS JOY."

WHAT'S ON EARTH'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, RUMPOLE?

MATTER?

NOTHING IS THE MATTER.

IT IS AN OCCASION FOR REJOICING.

I HAVE GIVEN MY LEARNED LEADER THE FLU.

OOH OOH... [laughs heartily] EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

GOOD MORNING.

OH, GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

[muted chatter] MR. RUMPOLE'S CHAMBERS?

THAT'S CORRECT, SIR, YES.

I WONDER IF HE'S IN YET?

PHILBEAM, OLD DARLING!

THERE YOU ARE.

[door shuts] HAVE YOU FOUND HARRY HARRIS FOR ME YET?

NO, I CAME TO TELL YOU.

I MUST HAVE BEEN AROUND 20 PUBS LAST NIGHT-- MORNING, RUMPOLE.

AH.

I HAVE A NUMBER TO PHONE.

IT'S A PLACE WHERE HIS SISTER WORKS, BUT THERE WON'T BE ANYONE THERE TILL 9:30.

OH, DO KEEP TRYING, OLD DARLING.

WE MAY BE ALL SET FOR THE UNMASKING OF DIRTY DICKERSON.

INLAND REVENUE.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WE'VE HAD ONE EXTRAORDINARY PIECE OF LUCK ON THIS CASE.

OH REALLY, WHAT'S THAT?

MR. GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE, Q.C., MP, THE WORLD'S GREATEST MITIGATOR, IS DOCKED IN BED FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE TRIAL.

WRETCHED LUCK ABOUT FEATHERSTONE, HORACE.

OH, WRETCHED.

ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?

[laughs] COME ON.

YOU'VE GOT WHEELER, HAVE YOU?

CHARLIE WHEELER?

WELL, I DON'T THINK HE'S GONE OUT ANYWHERE.

AH.

HE DON'T GET MANY INVITATIONS.

[laughs] MR. RUMPOLE?

JOYCE.

OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

I'M AFRAID THE CONFERENCE IS OFF.

OH?

MR. BERNARD'S GONE TO A FUNERAL.

OH, NOT HIS.

NO, A CLIENT'S.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT THEN.

I'LL JUST POP DOWN AND SEE CHARLIE.

BUT I'M ON A FRAUD IN THE WEST COURT.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

RUN ALONG, MY DEAR.

I BELIEVE I CAN COPE WITH A CONFERENCE ALONE WITHOUT HELP.

MR. RUMPOLE.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, LOVE.

RUN ALONG.

CHOP, CHOP.

CHARLIE.

HAVE YOU EVER PAID DIRTY DICKERSON ANY MONEY?

WHAT, SWEETENED HIM?

YEAH.

NO, NO, NO.

I'D NEVER ENTERTAIN IT.

NEVER?

NEVER.

OF COURSE, I DO KNOW SOME THAT HAVE SWEETENED HIM.

A-HA!

LIKE HARRY HARRIS?

YOU KNOW A LOT, DON'T YOU?

WELL, I TRY TO KEEP ABREAST.

SO, YOU WERE KNOWN TO THE INSPECTOR AS A DEDICATED NON-PAYER?

YEAH, WELL, YOU COULD SAY THAT.

MR. FEATHERSTONE NOT HERE TODAY THEN?

NO, WE HAD A BIT OF LUCK WITH MR. FEATHERSTONE.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH, HE'S GOT THE FLU.

NOW IT SAYS HERE SOMEWHERE...

HERE WE ARE.

DICKERSON WAS ABOUT TO OFFER YOU BAIL.

IS THAT RIGHT?

YEAH, BUT THAT SEEMED A BIT FUNNY TO ME.

YEAH, VERY FUNNY WITH YOUR RECORD.

YEAH, OF COURSE HE WANTED SOMETHING FOR IT.

AH, THE OLD... NO, NO, NO.

HE WAS ASKING ME TO PUT MY HANDS UP.

WHAT, MAKE A CONFESSION?

YOU WEREN'T GOING TO DO IT.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT, MR. RUMPOLE.

IT'S NOT THE WAY I WORK.

ALL THE SAME... YEAH?

I DID STRING HIM ALONG, LET HIM THINK WE MIGHT DO A DEAL.

YOU GOT A LIGHT?

OH, SORRY, YEAH.

YEAH, WE EVEN SHOOK HANDS ON IT, LIKE.

WHAT?

WELL, WE SHOOK HANDS ON THE DEAL.

HE PUT HIS HAND OUT, AND HE TOOK MINE.

YOU EVER HAVE YOUR HAND TAKEN BY AN INSPECTOR BEFORE?

NO, ONLY ME COLLAR.

[laughs] LOOK, SHOW ME HOW HE SHOOK HANDS WITH YOU.

YOU BE THE INSPECTOR.

I'LL BE YOU.

WELL, IT WAS ALL OVER IN A SECOND, UM... NO, NO, NO.

I NEVER MADE NO STATEMENT.

IT'S NOT IN ME CHARACTER.

HOW DID HE LOOK WHEN HE SHOOK HANDS WITH YOU?

DID HE LOOK TRIUMPHANT?

I MEAN, DID HE LOOK PLEASED WITH HIMSELF?

I DON'T KNOW.

I COULDN'T HARDLY SEE HIM.

WHAT?

WELL, IT WAS IN MY CELL, YOU SEE, IN THE DARTFORD NICK.

I DON'T KNOW, 2:00 OF A MORNING.

I WAS HALF ASLEEP.

AND HIM... WELL, HE WAS IN THE DARK, LIKE.

HE DID SEEM A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.

NERVOUS?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM A MAN OF HIS BUILD, A GOOD FIRM GRIP.

THAT HAND OF HIS WAS A BIT CLAMMY-LIKE.

SOFT, YOU KNOW.

WELL... HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THIS CASE, MR. RUMPOLE?

FEEL LIKE STOUT CORTEZ.

WHO?

CORTEZ, WHEN WITH EAGER EYE HE STARED AT THE PACIFIC, AND HIS MEN LOOKED AT EACH OTHER WITH A WILD SURMISE... WELL, YOU GOT ME THERE, MR. RUMPOLE.

KEATS.

AH.

I'M SORRY, HERE.

IT'S BEEN...

IT'S BEEN AN AUTUMN OF KEATS, REALLY.

AH, "TO CEASE UPON THE MIDNIGHT "WITH NO PAIN."

WELL, ENOUGH OF THAT!

I'M COMPLETELY RECOVERED.

RUMPOLE RESURRECTED!

YOU RECKON WE'VE GOT A CHANCE THERE, MR. RUMPOLE?

A TINY CHANCE, CHARLIE, LIKE A SMALL ELECTRIC LIGHT BULB IN A DARK CELL.

WELL, THIS KEATS BEEN STRAIGHTENING DICKERSON?

[laughs] NO, BUT HARRY HARRIS HAS.

NOW, LOOK, I CAN'T CALL YOU.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

I CAN'T LET THE JURY HAVE YOUR EXCELLENT RECORD AS A SAFE BLOWER READ OUT TO THEM.

BUT I WANT YOUR EXPRESS INSTRUCTIONS.

YOU HAVE 'EM, MR. RUMPOLE.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN MIND?

WELL, I THINK WE OUGHT TO ASK DIRTY DICKERSON A FEW DISTASTEFUL QUESTIONS WITH YOUR KIND PERMISSION.

I COULD THINK OF A FEW.

I'LL BET.

NOW LET'S SEE... SOMETHING LIKE... ♪ AND FINALLY, DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, YOU HAVE THERE EXHIBIT 12.

I HAVE, MY LORD.

AND WE'VE HEARD FROM THE EXPERT THAT WHEELER'S FINGERPRINTS ARE ON THAT SMALL PIECE OF GELIGNITE.

WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?

BESIDE THE SAFE AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME, MY LORD.

AT THE DARTFORD POST OFFICE.

YES, MY LORD.

THANK YOU, DETECTIVE INSPECTOR.

HAVE YOU ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT TO ASK THE DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, MR. RUMPOLE?

JUST A FEW, MY LORD.

WELL THEN, LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

YOU KNOW A MAN CALLED HARRIS?

HARRY HARRIS?

I KNOW A HARRY HARRIS.

FRIEND OF CHARLIE WHEELER'S?

YES.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HIM?

YOU WANT ME TO DESCRIBE HIM?

MR. RUMPOLE HAS ASKED YOU THE QUESTION.

PRESUMABLY HE'S PREPARED TO TAKE THE RISK OF YOU ANSWERING IT.

HARRIS IS A MINOR VILLAIN AROUND THE DARTFORD AREA, SIR.

YOU SEE THE DANGER OF ASKING QUESTIONS, MR. RUMPOLE.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY FINANCIAL DEALINGS WITH HARRIS?

MY LORD?

WILL YOU NOT INTERRUPT MY CROSS-EXAMINATION.

CAN I ASK HOW QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS HARRIS ARE IN ANY WAY RELEVANT TO THE CASE OF WHEELER?

IS HARRIS CONNECTED WITH THIS CASE, MR. RUMPOLE?

NOT THIS CASE, MY LORD, BUT I HOPE TO SHOW-- THEN YOUR QUESTION IS ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT.

MY LORD, WHEN THE CHARACTER OF THIS WITNESS IS BROUGHT INTO QUESTION-- OH, REALLY?

ARE YOU ATTACKING THE CHARACTER OF THIS POLICE OFFICER?

I'M NOT OFFERING HIM A GOLD MEDAL.

I SEE YOUR LEARNED LEADER IS NOT IN COURT.

NO, MY LORD, UNFORTUNATELY STRUCK DOWN BY THE FLU.

THEN I CAN ONLY ASSUME YOU ARE MAKING THIS ATTACK ON INSTRUCTIONS.

I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY, MY LORD.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO ADJOURN YOUR CROSS-EXAMINATION BEFORE YOU HAVE CROSSED THE RUBICON?

THANK YOU, MY LORD, BUT I'M QUITE HAPPY TO PROCEED.

[clears throat] [whispers] I ASSUME YOU'RE NOT MAKING THIS SUGGESTION WITHOUT BEING IN A POSITION TO CALL THIS MAN HARRIS.

OF COURSE I CAN CALL HIM.

MY LORD, MAY I SAY SOMETHING?

OF COURSE, DETECTIVE INSPECTOR.

WHAT IS IT YOU WANTED TO SAY?

I WANTED TO SAY THAT I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY FINANCIAL DEALINGS WITH THE MAN MR. RUMPOLE MENTIONED.

Judge: "I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY FINANCIAL DEALINGS..." VERY WELL.

MR. RUMPOLE HAS HIS ANSWER.

IT MAY NOT BE QUITE THE ONE HE EXPECTED.

[chuckles] BUT HE HAS HIS ANSWER.

YES?

IT'S NO GOOD.

HIS SISTER HASN'T SEEN HIM FOR TWO YEARS.

WANT ME TO KEEP TRYING?

YES, FOR GOD'S SAKE KEEP TRYING.

THAT'S A GOOD FELLA.

IS THAT ALL, MR. RUMPOLE?

NOT QUITE, MY LORD.

DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, WHEN CHARLIE WHEELER WAS IN THE DARTFORD NICK-- WHERE?

IN THE POLICE CELLS AT THE DARTFORD POLICE STATION, MY LORD.

THERE IS SUCH A THING AS THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, MR. RUMPOLE.

IT IS JUST AS WELL TO USE IT.

DID YOU HAVE ANY OCCASION IN THE CELLS AT DARTFORD POLICE STATION TO SHAKE CHARLIE WHEELER BY THE HAND?

IS MY ENGLISH PLAIN ENOUGH FOR YOU?

SHAKE HIS HAND?

I MAY HAVE DONE.

HAVE YOU EVER SHAKEN A PRISONER'S HAND BEFORE?

NOT THAT I CAN REMEMBER.

WHY SHOULD YOU SHAKE CHARLIE WHEELER'S?

YOUR CLIENT TOLD ME HE WAS ABOUT TO MAKE A CONFESSION STATEMENT.

I WAS CONGRATULATING HIM ON SHOWING A BIT OF SENSE.

IS THAT THE ANSWER YOU WANTED, MR. RUMPOLE?

YES, MY LORD, IT IS.

I WISH TO ESTABLISH THAT THIS OFFICER TOOK MY CLIENT BY THE HAND-- AS HE WAS PREPARED TO MAKE A CONFESSION.

DID YOU DISCUSS BAIL WITH CHARLIE WHEELER ON THAT OCCASION?

BAIL?

NO, SIR.

THERE WAS NO DISCUSSION OF BAIL WHATSOEVER.

DID YOU SAY THAT YOU WOULD NOT OPPOSE BAIL IF HE MADE A CONFESSION?

I SAID NOTHING OF THE SORT, MY LORD.

MR. RUMPOLE, ARE THERE ANY FURTHER ALLEGATIONS OF IMPROPRIETY TO BE MADE AGAINST THIS OFFICER?

ONLY ONE, MY LORD.

COULD I HAVE EXHIBIT 12, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

THAT IS THE PIECE OF GELIGNITE.

WITH YOUR CLIENT'S FINGERPRINTS ON IT.

WHO FOUND THIS PIECE OF GELIGNITE?

I DID, AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

DID YOU SHOW IT TO ANY OTHER OFFICER?

WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE STATION.

OH!

WHEN YOU GOT BACK TO THE STATION.

SO, THE JURY MUST RELY IN THIS CASE ON YOUR EVIDENCE AND YOUR EVIDENCE ALONE?

THAT THIS PIECE OF GELIGNITE WAS EVER AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME?

WELL, IF MY EVIDENCE ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH, MY LORD-- IF YOUR EVIDENCE ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH, CHARLIE WHEELER IS ENTITLED TO ACQUITTAL.

HAVE YOU EVER IN YOUR LONG EXPERIENCE KNOWN A SAFE BLOWER TO LEAVE A PIECE OF GELIGNITE AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME WITH HIS FINGERPRINTS ON IT?

IF CRIMINALS NEVER MADE MISTAKES, WE WOULD NEVER HAVE TRIALS AT THE OLD BAILEY, MR. RUMPOLE.

YOU SEE, THERE IS ANOTHER POSSIBILITY THE JURY MAY HAVE TO CONSIDER.

IS THERE?

YES, WE HAVE NO IDEA AS TO WHEN CHARLIE'S FINGERPRINTS GOT ON THIS PIECE OF GELIGNITE.

HAVEN'T WE?

OR WHERE.

IS IT POSSIBLE, DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, THAT CHARLIE WHEELER ONLY TOUCHED THIS GELIGNITE IN THE CELLS AT THE DARTFORD POLICE STATION?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

IN THAT DARK CELL AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING.

DO YOU THINK YOU HAD IT IN YOUR HAND WHEN YOU HELD OUT YOUR HAND TO HIM AND SHOOK HANDS WITH HIM AS YOU HAD NEVER SHAKEN HANDS WITH A PRISONER IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE?

IF WHEELER'S SAYING THAT-- IF-- THEN IT'S ALL LIES, YOU KNOW THAT, MR. RUMPOLE.

"ALL LIES."

AND UNSUPPORTED AS FAR AS I CAN SEE BY A SCRAP OF EVIDENCE.

MEMBERS OF THE JURY, IT WILL COME AS A RELIEF TO ALL OF US IF WE ADJOURN FOR LUNCHEON.

DETECTIVE INSPECTOR, YOU'RE STILL UNDER CROSS-EXAMINATION.

YES, MY LORD.

2:00.

Usher: BE UPSTANDING.

[chairs scraping] MR. FEATHERSTONE'S HEARD FROM THE DOCTOR, SIR, TO STAY IN BED FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK.

OH, HOW JOLLY FOR HIM.

EXCUSE ME.

HE'S ASKING IS IT ALL OVER.

OH, TELL HIM...

IT'S ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN.

NOTHING TO SEND HIS TEMPERATURE UP.

I CAME TO TELL YOU.

YES?

I TOLD MY THIEF NOT TO PLEAD GUILTY.

I TOOK THE RISK, AND IT'S GOING LIKE A DREAM.

OH, IS IT, MISS TRANT?

EXCUSE ME.

SIR.

I TOOK YOUR ADVICE, YOU SEE, AND IT SEEMS-- PHILLY?

YES?

OH YES, I WON'T BE A MINUTE.

IT SEEMS THERE'S NO REAL NOTE OF THE VERBALS, AND THE POLICE NEVER EVEN GAVE HIM A CAUTION.

AND THE JUDGE IS WITH ME.

HE KEEPS SAYING "PLEASE ANSWER MISS TRANT'S QUESTIONS."

GOOD NEWS FROM SOMEWHERE, MISS TRANT.

YOU WERE RIGHT, OF COURSE, WHEN YOU SAID FIGHT EVERYTHING.

FIGHT EVERYTHING.

WHAT ELSE HAVE WE GOT LEFT TO DO?

WHEELER, I TAKE A MOST SERIOUS VIEW OF THE VIOLENT CRIME OF WHICH THE JURY HAS, QUITE RIGHTLY, CONVICTED YOU.

YOU'VE NOT MADE MATTERS ANY BETTER FOR YOURSELF BY YOUR VICIOUS ATTACK MADE THROUGH YOUR COUNSEL ON THE HONESTY OF THE POLICE.

I NEVER WANTED MY BARRISTER-- SILENCE!

I NEVER WANTED MY BARRISTER TO ASK THEM QUESTIONS!

I TOLD HIM TO KEEP QUIET!

YOU HAVE THE MOST APPALLING RECORD.

THE LEAST SENTENCE I CAN PASS... IS ONE OF 12 YEARS' IMPRISONMENT.

TAKE HIM DOWN.

THANK YOU, MR. RUMPOLE.

Judge: JUST ONE MOMENT.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO ADD, MR. RUMPOLE.

MY LORD.

YOUR ATTACK ON THE INTEGRITY OF DETECTIVE INSPECTOR DIXON WAS NOT ONLY UNSUPPORTED BY THE EVIDENCE.

IT WAS APPARENTLY MADE WITHOUT INSTRUCTIONS.

I TAKE THE MOST SERIOUS VIEW OF IT.

Rumpole: FOURTEEN YEARS?

I INTEND TO REPORT THE MATTER...

IN THE PROPER QUARTER.

[book closes] IF YOUR LORDSHIP PLEASES.

Usher: BE UPSTANDING.

[chairs scraping] REPORTED TO THE BENCHERS OF YOUR INN.

A DISCIPLINARY HEARING BEFORE THE SENATE.

MY DEAR RUMPOLE, I DON'T WANT TO WORRY YOU-- OH, ON THE CONTRARY, YOU'RE HAVING A MOST CALMING EFFECT.

I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW, RETIRING FROM THE BAR.

PERHAPS TO OPEN A SMALL MARKET GARDEN BEHIND GLOUCESTER ROAD TUBE STATION.

I'VE HAD TO WRITE TO THE SENATE MYSELF ABOUT THE CASE.

YES, OF COURSE.

TO TELL THEM THE ATTACK ON DIRTY DICKERSON WAS AN ESCAPADE DREAMT UP BY YOUR LEARNED JUNIOR.

THAT'S PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE.

YOU'LL CONFIRM THAT, OF COURSE.

OH, DON'T WORRY, OLD SWEETHEART.

YOU'VE GOT A PERFECT ALIBI.

[laughs] DON'T YOU RATHER WISH NOW YOU'D BEEN LAID UP WITH FLU DURING REGINA VERSUS WHEELER?

YOU WANT THE TRUTH, GOVERNOR.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL COME CLEAN.

YOU'VE GOT ME BANG TO RIGHTS.

RUMPOLE!

I LOVED THAT CROSS-EXAMINATION.

I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

I SWEAR TO GOD I WAS ONTO SOMETHING.

IF ONLY I HAD A STRAW TO MAKE A BRICK-- I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SAY THAT...

IN FRONT OF THE SENATE.

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST I SAID... AS MY BRIEF?

IN YOUR ENTHUSIASM, YOUR UNDERSTANDABLE ENTHUSIASM ON BEHALF OF YOUR CLIENT'S INTERESTS, YOU WERE CARRIED AWAY, RUMPOLE.

IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT, YOU MADE AN ATTACK ON THE HONESTY OF A SENIOR POLICE OFFICER, WHICH YOU NOW...

DEEPLY REGRET.

IF YOUR LORDSHIP PLEASES.

THE WORST ASPECT OF THE CASE IN MY-- DO YOU THINK THEY'LL GIVE ME PROBATION?

THE WORST ASPECT OF THE CASE IN MY OPINION IS THAT YOU PROCEEDED ENTIRELY WITHOUT INSTRUCTIONS.

OH, BUT I DID HAVE INSTRUCTIONS.

FROM WHEELER?

THAT'S RIGHT.

HE DENIED THEM.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO DO?

THEN YOU HAVE NOTES OF THEM?

OH, I'M TOO OLD TO TAKE NOTES IN OR OUT OF COURT.

I CARRY THINGS IN MY HEAD.

OUR SOLICITOR.

BERNARD WILL HAVE TAKEN NOTES.

BERNARD WAS OFF ENJOYING HIMSELF AT A FUNERAL.

WELL, THEN JOYCE WILL REMEMBER-- JOYCE WASN'T THERE.

WELL, SHE WAS DOING A FRAUD WITH HOSKINS IN THE WEST COURT.

ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU ACTUALLY SAW THE CLIENT ALONE?

GOOD GOD.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

IT ALL SEEMS PERFECTLY SIMPLE TO ME.

NO, NO, I...

I HAVE TO GIVE IT A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT.

GIVE WHAT A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT?

WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY ON YOUR BEHALF!

TO THE SENATE.

SAY?

I DON'T WANT YOU TO SAY ANYTHING.

YOU'D ONLY MITIGATE.

[door shuts] GEORGE... MR. RUMPOLE.

THANK YOU.

WHAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOUR WIFE INVITED ME TO DINNER.

YEAH.

SHE JUST TELEPHONED ME AT CHAMBERS AND...ASKED ME.

THE FIRST TIME IN EIGHT YEARS.

NOW WHY DO YOU THINK HILDA HAD THIS SUDDEN URGE TO HAVE YOU SHARE OUR CUTLETS?

YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL HILDA'S WORRIED, RUMPOLE.

OH?

AND SO AM I.

VERY WORRIED ABOUT THIS STAND YOU'RE TAKING.

STAND, GEORGE?

WHAT STAND IS THAT?

WELL, THIS WRETCHED FELLOW.

THIS WHEELER.

AH!

HOW CAN HE BE WORTH YOUR RISKING YOUR CAREER OVER, RUMPOLE?

AND HILDA SAYS YOU ADMITTED TO HER THE FELLOW WAS A PROFESSIONAL SAFE BLOWER.

EXACTLY, GEORGE!

PROFESSIONAL!

THAT IS THE OPERATIVE WORD.

SO HE WOULDN'T LEAVE HIS FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER THE SHOP, WOULD HE?

LOOK, DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE, CAN YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON YOUR HEART AND SAY THAT YOU REALLY BELIEVE THIS FELLOW WHEELER WAS INNOCENT?

AW, COME, GEORGE.

WHAT SORT OF QUESTION IS THAT?

BUT I MEAN IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE.

HOW MANY OF YOUR CLIENTS CAN YOU SWEAR WERE INNOCENT?

SO YOU DON'T BELIEVE HE WAS INNOCENT?

IF YOU WANT MY VIEW OF THE MATTER, AND MY VIEW IS STRICTLY IRRELEVANT-- ALL THE SAME, I SHOULD LIKE AN ANSWER TO MY QUESTION.

OH, WELL DONE.

WE'LL MAKE A CROSS-EXAMINER OF YOU YET.

WELL, ALL RIGHT, THE ANSWER'S NO.

NO, I DON'T BELIEVE HE WAS INNOCENT.

IN FACT, I THINK CHARLIE WHEELER PROBABLY DID BLOW THAT SAFE AT THE DARTFORD POST OFFICE.

YEAH, SO... NO INJUSTICE WAS DONE.

PROBABLY NOT.

WELL, THAT IS GOOD NEWS.

YOU HAVE SEEN SENSE AT LAST.

Hilda: WHAT'S GOOD NEWS?

AH, HILDA.

I HONESTLY BELIEVE HORACE HAS SEEN SENSE AT LAST.

I KNEW YOU'D BE ABLE TO TALK TO HIM, GEORGE.

RUMPOLE'S ALWAYS TOLD ME, "GEORGE IS SO SENSIBLE."

[laughs] RUMPOLE'S ALWAYS HAD AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF RESPECT FOR YOU, GEORGE.

OH, THANK YOU, RUMPOLE.

WELL, GUTHRIE FEATHERSTONE AGREES WITH ME THAT THE WHOLE THING COULD BE DEALT WITH BY WAY OF AN APOLOGY.

AND NOW THAT YOU'VE ADMITTED IT WAS QUITE UNNECESSARY TO ATTACK THE OFFICER-- UNNECESSARY?

DID YOU SAY UNNECESSARY?

BLACK OR WHITE, GEORGE?

OH, BLACK PLEASE, HILDA.

YOU SAID YOURSELF, RUMPOLE, THAT THIS FELLOW WHEELER WAS ALMOST CERTAINLY GUILTY.

GUILTY OR INNOCENT IS NOT THE POINT.

THAT IS NOT OUR BUSINESS, AND YOU KNOW IT.

THAT IS FOR 12 PUZZLED OLD DARLINGS PULLED IN OFF THE STREET TO DECIDE.

BUT WE CAN MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE NOT LIED TO OR DECEIVED OR CONNED BY SOME SMILING COPPER DOING CONJURING TRICKS IN A DARK CELL, CAN'T WE?

[George sighs] AH, YEAH.

HAVE SOME MORE PORT.

TALK TO HIM, GEORGE, PLEASE TRY TO TALK TO HIM.

I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO HIM, HILDA.

I DID TALK TO HIM.

MR. RUMPOLE?

YEAH.

FORGET WHEELER FOR A MOMENT.

YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF TO THINK ABOUT.

OH, I AM THINKING OF MYSELF.

YOU SEE, HILDA, WITH THE INSURANCE AND WHAT WE'D GET FOR THIS FLAT, WE COULD BUY QUITE A NICE LITTLE COTTAGE.

AND A SMALL-HOLDING.

SMALL-HOLDING?

GEORGE!

HAVE YOU GONE MAD, RUMPOLE?

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH A SMALL-HOLDING.

DIG IT AND DUNG IT.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH IT.

GROW THE THINGS I'VE ALWAYS BEEN RATHER FOND OF.

ARTICHOKES, LEEKS, PARSNIPS, MARROWS, AND, IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME, YOUR ACTUAL ASPARAGUS.

[muted chatter] A LIST OF SEEDS AND THINGS.

HOW OLD IS RUMPOLE?

DO YOU THINK HE MIGHT BE GOING A BIT-- NO.

WELL, YOU SOUND VERY POSITIVE.

THE FIRST THING I LEARNED AT THE BAR, THE FIRST THING HE EVER TAUGHT ME WAS NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE CUNNING OF RUMPOLE.

I DON'T THINK HE'S BEING VERY CUNNING IN THIS PARTICULAR INSTANCE.

OBSTINATE.

INCREDIBLY OBSTINATE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S SAYING NOW?

EVEN IF THEY JUST SUSPEND HIM FOR A LITTLE WHILE, EVEN IF THEY CENSOR HIM, HE'LL LEAVE THE BAR, AND HE WON'T APOLOGIZE.

WELL, THEN SURELY ONE THING'S PERFECTLY CLEAR, GEORGE.

WHAT'S THAT?

RUMPOLE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE TO BLAME BUT HIMSELF.

COME ON, PHILLY, IT'S TIME WE WERE OFF.

I'VE GOT TO POP BACK TO CHAMBERS AND PICK UP A BRIEF.

YEAH, I'LL CATCH YOU UP.

WE'RE OFF TO THE FESTIVAL HALL TONIGHT... YOU GOING TO SEND US UP SOME NICE FRESH VEGETABLES?

WHAT?

PEAS AND CARROTS AND NEW POTATOES.

SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

YES, I HAVE BEEN HAVING DOUBTS.

OH, DEAR, HAVE YOU?

LOOKING BACK ON MY LIFE, ALL THOSE YEARS AT THE BAR, I CAN FIND ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE FOR THE PROPOSITION THAT I HAVE GREEN FINGERS.

NEITHER HAVE I. EH?

MY POT PLANTS, THEY ALL GO YELLOW.

IT'S JUST EVERY TIME I VISIT A JAIL I LOOK AT THE TRUSTEES PLANTING OUT THEIR ROWS OF CHRYSANTHS IN THE SOOTY SOIL.

THAT'S IT, I THINK, THAT'S THE JOB I'LL HAVE WHEN I'M IN THE NICK.

OH, REALLY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THE NICK.

YOU TOLD ME NEVER TO UNDERESTIMATE YOUR CUNNING.

LIKE THE TIME WHEN I WAS PROSECUTING YOU, AND YOU GOT ME TO BORE THE MAGISTRATE WITH A LOAD OF LAW, AND YOU WON THE CASE.

YOU FINALLY TUMBLED TO THAT, DID YOU?

WELL, IF YOU DO THAT IN THE DOCK STREET, CAN'T YOU DEAL WITH THIS LITTLE CASE OF YOURS AT THE SENATE?

I SHAN'T APOLOGIZE.

OF COURSE YOU WON'T.

WHY?

WERE YOU THINKING OF IT?

WAS I?

CREEPING OFF TO THE COUNTRY TO GROW VEGETABLES-- IT'S LIKE PLEADING GUILTY.

WELL, STUFF THAT FOR A LARK.

MISS TRANT.

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU FIRST CAME TO CHAMBERS YOU WERE RATHER A STRAIGHT-LACED YOUNG LADY.

ONLY INTERESTED IN LAW REPORTS.

YES, WELL, I LEARNED A LOT SINCE THEN.

OH, FROM YOUR PUPIL MASTER ERSKINE-BROWN.

NO, FROM YOU.

WHAT IS IT YOU SAY WE SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN UP IN LETTERS A FOOT HIGH IN CHAMBERS?

"NEVER PLEAD GUILTY."

BRICKS, WITHOUT BRICKS.

BRICKS WITHOUT A BLOODY SHADOW OF A BRICK UNLESS... WELL, GO ON.

UNLESS?

UNLESS SOMEONE CAN LAY THEIR HANDS ON A GENTLEMAN CALLED HARRY HARRIS.

YOU'LL FIND A DEFENSE, I KNOW YOU WILL.

I PROMISE YOU I'LL BE THINKING ABOUT IT ALL THROUGH MAHLER'S EIGHTH.

OH.

[sighs] WHAT WILL THEY DO TO ME?

Rumpole: THE SENATE OF THE INNS OF COURT.

THAT AUGUST BODY.

CHANGE ME UTTERLY.

I MIGHT COME OUT OF THERE AS SOMEONE QUITE NEW.

AS MYSELF.

BUT WHO AM I?

I REMEMBER STARTLING HILDA WITH THAT QUESTION ONCE.

OF COURSE, SHE DIDN'T KNOW.

I SEEM TO SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE BEING OTHER PEOPLE.

SAFE BLOWERS, FRAUDSMEN, A FEW RATHER GENTLE MURDERERS.

I REALLY HAD REMARKABLY LITTLE TIME TO BE RUMPOLE.

WHOEVER THAT MAY BE.

SHALL I HAVE TIME NOW?

TIME HANGING HEAVY ON MY HANDS, FOREVER.

MR. RUMPOLE?

GUILTY, MY LORD.

MR. RUMPOLE?

EH, YEAH?

[muted chatter] [traffic noise] [muted chatter] HARRIS?

YOU'VE BEEN HIDING FROM ME, HARRY.

I GOT WORD.

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, DICKERSON.

YOU'VE BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY.

TALKING OUT OF TURN.

YOU WANT TO BUY ME A CHINESE, DO YOU?

[clears throat] THE A1 COMBINATION WITH THE SWEET AND SOUR LOBSTER.

YEAH, I'LL BE GLAD TO.

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

YOU'VE BEEN A BIT LATE WITH YOUR INSTALLMENTS, HARRY.

YEAH, SORRY, DICKERSON.

I'VE BEEN TRAVELING, YOU SEE.

WELL, LEAVE A FORWARDING ADDRESS THEN.

WE'LL GET ON MUCH MORE NICELY IF I CAN BLEED YOU REGULAR.

I THINK A BOTTLE OF CHABLIS WOULD GO DOWN WELL WITH THE SWEET AND SOUR.

UM, A BOTTLE OF... 24.

24.

CAN'T WE...

FORGET ABOUT IT NOW?

FORGET WHAT, HARRY?

A COUPLE OF FINGERPRINTS ON A GOLD CASE.

YOU'RE VERY CARELESS, HARRIS, WHERE YOU PUT YOUR FINGERS.

YOU'RE AS BAD AS YOUR FRIEND CHARLIE WHEELER.

YEAH.

I HEARD YOU FITTED CHARLIE UP NICELY TOO.

FITTED HIM UP?

WHO TOLD YOU I FITTED HIM UP?

THE JURY CONVICTED HIM, DIDN'T THEY?

UNANIMOUS VERDICT.

WELL, HE'S SUCH A NICE, FRIENDLY LAD, IS CHARLIE.

HE'D SHAKE HANDS WITH ANYONE, WOULDN'T HE?

ALL RIGHT, HARRIS.

VERY FUNNY.

VERY FUNNY INDEED.

YES, THAT'S OK.

BUT LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU.

UH?

CHILLED.

YOU DON'T BLEED REGULAR, AND I'LL HAVE YOUR FINGERS AROUND A LUMP OF JELLY.

LIGHT?

[blows] LIKE I DID WITH CHARLIE.

[laughs] [laughs lightly] [classical music on radio] [music stops] [click] Dickerson: UH, CHILLED.

IF YOU DON'T BLEED REGULAR, THEN I'VE HAVE YOUR FINGERS AROUND A LUMP OF JELLY.

LIGHT?

[blows] LIKE I DID WITH CHARLIE.

ARE WE STILL WAITING FOR ANYONE?

Trant: RUMPOLE?

RUMPOLE SAID HE'D PROBABLY HAVE TO MISS THE CHAMBERS MEETING.

THE SENATE HEARING, YOU KNOW.

OH YES, YES, OF COURSE.

PERHAPS HE WILL JOIN US LATER.

HE SAID TO START WITHOUT HIM.

[laughs] MIND YOU, RUMPOLE NEVER MINDS MISSING-- WELL, SHALL WE BEGIN?

RIGHT, FIRST ITEM ON THE AGENDA.

THE QUESTION OF ACCOMMODATION IN CHAMBERS.

OH YES, ERSKINE-BROWN.

YES, WELL NOW THAT HOSKINS IS HAVING ALL THESE CONFERENCES, IT'S REALLY BECOMING LIKE PADDINGTON STATION UPSTAIRS.

WELL, I'M OUT IN COURT EVERY DAY.

I DON'T MIND MUCKING IN.

WELL, PERHAPS ERSKINE-BROWN WOULD LIKE TO FILL US IN ON THIS ONE.

WELL, IT SEEMS LIKELY WE SHALL SOON BE HAVING A VACANCY IN CHAMBERS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN EXACTLY?

WELL, PHILLY, RUMPOLE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR BEFORE THE HEARING THAT HE INTENDS TO LEAVE THE BAR AND GROW VEGETABLES.

VEGETABLES?

I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT VEGETABLES.

LOOK, PERHAPS IT WOULD BE BETTER IF WE WAITED FOR RUMPOLE.

YES, I AGREE.

I THINK-- WELL, I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT WE SHOULD DECIDE WHAT OUR POLICY IS.

I MEAN, AS YOU KNOW, OUR OWN ROOM IS IMPOSSIBLY OVERCROWDED.

GEORGE FROBISHER HIMSELF HAS TO SHARE A ROOM WITH HOSKINS, WHICH ISN'T ALWAYS CONVENIENT WHEN IT COMES TO CONFERENCES.

I MEAN, DO WE TAKE IN ANOTHER YOUNG MAN WHO COULD MAKE HIMSELF USEFUL ABOUT THE PLACE AND DO A BIT OF PAPERWORK AND SO ON?

OR DO WE SOLVE OUR OWN ACUTE ACCOMMODATION PROBLEM SIMPLY BY TAKING OVER RUMPOLE'S ROOM?

AH, RUMPOLE.

RUMPOLE, GOOD HEAVENS.

YOU WANT TO TAKE OVER MY ROOM, ERSKINE-BROWN?

I'M SORRY I'M LATE.

NO, NOT AT ALL.

PERHAPS YOU CAN HELP US.

WE WERE JUST DISCUSSING THE POSSIBLE FUTURE.

WERE YOU, OLD DARLING?

SO WAS I!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THE POSSIBLE FUTURE IS RATHER INTERESTING.

YOU REMEMBER DETECTIVE INSPECTOR DIRTY DICKERSON?

WELL, HE'S BEING SUSPENDED PENDING A FULL INQUIRY.

WHEN CHARLIE WHEELER HEARD THAT IN THE NICK, HE SUDDENLY RECALLED GIVING ME THOSE INSTRUCTIONS.

SO, WE'RE APPLYING TO THE APPEAL COURT WITH FRESH EVIDENCE.

I AM RELIEVED, RUMPOLE.

YOU AND I BETTER GET OUR HEADS TOGETHER THEN, RUMPOLE.

AH, WELL I WAS RATHER THINKING OF DOING THE APPEAL ALONE, WITHOUT A LEADER.

SO, THE VEGETABLES WILL HAVE TO BE INDEFINITELY POSTPONED.

OH, SORRY, ERSKINE-BROWN, I CAN'T BE MORE ACCOMMODATING.

WHAT'S THE NEXT ITEM... ON THE AGENDA?

ERSKINE-BROWN?

[door shuts] HILDA!

Hilda: I'M IN BED.

IT'S OVER, IS IT, RUMPOLE?

I'M AFRAID SO.

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE, YOU'VE GIVEN ME THE FLU.

OH, I AM SORRY.

BUT DON'T KNOCK IT, HILDA, THE FLU IS A DISEASE WITH ENDLESS POSSIBILITY.

OVER.

AH, COME ON, CHEER UP.

HERE.

HAVE A GIN AND TONIC.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY MARVELOUS FOR THE FLU.

[laughs] ALL OVER.

YES, NO MORE PEACE.

NO QUIET.

NO MORE JUST BEING RUMPOLE.

ABOVE ALL, NO VEGETABLES.

MY CHANCE OF RETIREMENT GONE FOREVER.

THEY'VE LET YOU OFF?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I GOT COMMENDED FOR PICKING OUT ONE OF THE VERY FEW ROTTEN APPLES IN THAT OTHERWISE SWEET-SMELLING BARROW LOAD, THE METROPOLITAN POLICE.

RUMPOLE-- OH, OH!

[sneezes] GOOD GOD, YOU WEREN'T WORRIED, WERE YOU?

WORRIED?

WELL, OF COURSE I WAS WORRIED.

HAVING YOU AT HOME ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

IT WOULD'VE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE.

HERE, I'LL GIVE YOU A TOAST.

HERE'S TO OUR FUTURE.

THE FUTURE.

WHICH NOW SHOWS EVERY SIGN OF BEING EXACTLY LIKE OUR PAST.

[chuckles weakly] ♪