[audio logo] [theme music] ♪ ♪ [birds chirping] [traffic whirring] [doorbell buzzes] NAPIER LEE (ON INTERCOM): Who is it?

Custard.

NAPIER LEE (ON INTERCOM): Oh, come in, old chap.

[door buzzes] Shall we go inside, sir?

I say, steady on, you chaps.

Steady on.

You've got a warrant, I suppose.

Don't argue, Napier.

Don't demean yourself.

NAPIER: I say, KV, you fellas.

KV.

Now then, Officer, can't we be just a little bit civilized?

There's no need to get mismannered, is there?

Why don't you young men have a nice cup of tea?

Get dressed, please, sir, and follow me.

No hurry, is there?

Why can't we get a kettle put on?

There you are, Susan.

Upsy daisy, dear.

MAN: Nappy.

I say, steady on, you chaps.

I'm going.

I'm going.

An Englishman's home is his castle, you know.

Does anyone know the theft of these?

Thank you very much.

Now if you wouldn't mind waiting while we check the record.

WOMAN: How dare you.

Name, sir.

You have no right.

It's a question of national security.

Name, please.

And don't bother to make up a nom de plume, sir.

We'll need some sort of identification.

HORACE RUMPOLE: ♪ This be the verse you grave for me ♪ ♪ Here he lies where he longed to be ♪ ♪ Home is the sailor ♪ Home from sea ♪ And the Hunter ♪ Home from the Hill You're back then, Mr. Rumpole?

Back, yes, Henry, no thanks to you.

Next time I'm in darkest Africa, try not to send a cable saying the murder has been arranged.

They were within an ace of ordering my execution.

Well, the murder went off.

So did I very nearly.

Oh, but Mr. Bernard rang, sir.

He wants a con today in the bawdy house case.

R v. Lee.

Keep thy foot out of brothels, Henry.

Such places are far more entertaining to litigate about than to visit.

Tell Bernard I'm ready for him.

On her Majesty's service, has our gracious Queen nothing better to do than to write to me about money I'm supposed to owe her wretched government?

What's this?

A letter from LAC, L-A-C, Lawyers As Churchgoers, moral purpose in the law.

A call to witness for all believing barristers.

The brothel case, hey?

Not much danger of finding any moral cause in that, I should suppose.

Oh, great heavens, we thought you'd gone native.

We pictured you ruling some primitive tribe under a pong tree.

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, Erskine-Brown, you are a caution.

Well, I suppose I'd better take charge of the primitive tribe in these chambers.

Guthrie Featherstone's old room is empty, is it, Henry?

We're deciding the head of chambers problem at the end of the month, Horace, at the chambers meeting.

Nobody in Guthrie's old room is there, Henry?

No, Mr. Rumpole.

But I don't think you ought to-- - Rumpole-- - Mm?

A word.

I think it only fair to let you know I've done it.

Then your only course is to plead guilty, Claude.

I've applied for silk, Rumpole.

Oh.

I think I've got a reasonable chance.

Phylli is right behind me.

Claude Erskine-Brown, QC.

How do you think it sounds?

Very promising, provided you're on the other side.

Now, tell me, Claude, when is this QC business likely to take place?

In about six weeks.

Oh, that's after the meeting about head of chambers.

Yes, yes.

After that.

Oh, that's all right, then.

Best of British luck, old man.

[sobbing] What are you doing here?

I thought it was all right.

Doesn't this room belong to a judge who doesn't come here anymore?

Bare ruined choirs, where late, sweet Guthrie sang.

What's the matter?

Shoplifting?

You look too young for a divorce.

(SOBBING) I'm a barrister.

Oh, bad luck.

Here, here.

Thank you.

I'm Mrs. Erskine-Brown's pupil.

Mrs. Erskine-Brown?

Phyllida Trant that was, the Portia of our chambers.

Miss Phyllida Trant now has a pupil.

Good Lord, how time flies.

She left me in a case after lunch at Tower Bridge.

Oh, it was a terrible argument about the evidence, and I said I couldn't do it without my learned leader, Miss Trant, who was in a sort of difficulty.

You should have charged in, taking a chance.

And the magistrate said, what sort of difficulty?

And I said, I think she's still at the hairdresser.

Oh, lord, yes.

Forgetting the first lesson for a pupil-- protect the private life of your learned pupil-master, or mistress, in this case.

Now, Mrs. Erskine-Brown says I'm wet behind the ears.

I'd better get myself a nice job in the glove department at Harrods.

She says they probably won't want another woman in chambers anyway.

You've got a name, have you?

I suppose.

Fiona Allways.

Oh, well, that's not your fault.

It's all I've ever wanted to be.

When the other girls at school wanted to ride show-jumpers, I just stood in front of the mirror and made speeches in murder cases.

Look, I'm doing a conference here shortly.

You can take a note of it, if you like.

You might as well make yourself useful.

No objection to prostitution, have you?

Oh.

[sobbing] What's the matter now?

I suppose you think that's all I'm fit for.

Oh, dear.

[restaurant chatter] And there's little savory bits, that you do so well, don't you?

People do like those, don't they?

People do.

But what exactly do you want them for, Hilda?

For Rumpole's first chambers party as head.

And as the head's lady, naturally, I shall want to keep an eye on the catering.

That's why I'm nobbling you for your little cheesy bits, Dodo.

Is it such a thing, then, Hilda, being head of chambers?

Daddy, CH Wystan was head of our chambers, you know.

That was how I met Rumpole.

Oh, yes, yes, I think I remember.

The head of chambers is captain of the ship, Dodo.

Tremendously respected.

Oh, and I got this in the spring sales at Debenhams' cocktail hour for the more mature woman.

Marigold Featherstone used to wear all kinds of things when Guthrie was head.

Most of them quite unsuitable.

I can see this is going to be quite a thing for you, Hilda.

Oh, but I'm not at all nervous, Dodo, provided, of course, that I know you're behind me with your little cheesy bits.

HORACE RUMPOLE: It is not just simply a matter of a disorderly house.

The unfriendly prosecution have aimed their big guns at you loaded with a charge of blackmail.

Demanding money with menaces.

I've explained it to the clients.

Neither Napier nor I can understand anyone saying bad about us.

Can we, Nappy?

All our clients are such awfully decent people, public school, of course.

And I do think that makes such a difference.

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): This madam would appear to be the most appalling snob.

Napier was at Lawnhurst, Mr. Rumpole.

Down for it from birth, weren't you, Nappy?

Oh, yes.

The Governor put me down for Lawnhurst at birth.

Mr. Napier Lee, Mrs. Lorraine Lee, it is very pleasant to be sitting here over a cup of tea discussing the merits of the public school system.

But you have been charged with obtaining money by threats and from a very distinguished gentleman by the name of-- Please, Mr. Rumpole.

No need to name names, is there?

LORRAINE LEE: Not when it comes to a man in his position.

NAPIER LEE: You see, he was at Lawnhurst, then New College, Oxford, the Brigade of Guards, and now the Foreign Office.

The gentleman in question, it would appear, paid your gas bills from time to time.

When business was slack.

I'm not denying it, Mr. Rumpole, he helped us out.

And did you threaten to publish his little secret if he didn't?

Oh, no.

He knew we'd never do a thing like that, didn't he, Nappy?

Well, of course he knew.

He was in my house.

Your disorderly house?

My house at Lawnhurst, sir.

Oh, yes.

It would have been sneaking.

One does not sneak.

It's against the code.

Well, Mr. Rumpole, I think that's really all we have to tell you.

No, no, please.

There is something else you can tell me.

Please sit down.

How on Earth did you get into this business?

I mean, looking at you, a small twinset and cardigan shop in a Cheltenham spa would seem more appropriate.

Napier had a bit of bad luck in the city.

Like my father before me.

Also, his health wasn't quite up to it after the war.

Ticker a bit dicky, don't you know?

After playing a long innings against brother Bosh.

Napier has a dicky ticker.

Well, back in civvy street, I happened to run into Old-- Nappy.

And we discussed the possibilities of a business along the lines of the one we've been running.

A friendly house with the very nicest type of customer, the kind that Nappy got to know on the old boy net.

And he very decently came up with a spot of capital.

I see.

And this helpful person was a friend you'd known for some time.

Oh, yes.

An old mate, you understand from-- Uh, uh, uh.

--from way back.

Of course, we'd drifted apart a bit over the years.

Was he by any chance, perhaps an old school friend?

Napier couldn't possibly tell you a thing like that, Mr. Rumpole.

Ah.

Against the code?

Yes, that's right, against the code.

Like wearing suede shoes with a dark suit.

What?

Oh.

Yes.

I didn't go to Lawnhurst.

My public school was a poorly run penal colony on the Norfolk Coast.

The only code I ever got there was a code of the doze.

Yes, we at Linklaters never got to know the really top people.

Yes, Mr. Rumpole, we know.

Nappy looked you up.

And we're both terribly sorry.

Conference over.

Night, Henry.

Night, Dianne.

Oh, Mr. Rumpole, I had your wife on the phone, sir.

Oh, she must be in bed.

Did she want to speak with me?

No, it seems she wanted to speak to me, sir, on the subject of snacks.

Snacks?

You know, sausage rolls, little cheesy bits, she said, sir.

Well, anyway, I told her we weren't having the chamber's party until after the meeting, and then we'd be able to welcome our new head of chambers.

Head of chambers, she who must be obeyed has set her heart upon it.

She will not take no for an answer.

Do you follow me?

Oh, yes, Mr. Rumpole, I follow you.

It's Rumpole, isn't it?

A piece of him.

Ballard.

Sam Ballard.

I'm leading in league for the crown.

Ah.

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): Not a terribly cheering prospect.

I suppose this character might have passed as reasonably good looking, when he was alive.

I passed chambers this morning.

In fact, I dropped something in your tray.

Oh, really?

I can't say I noticed, Bolard.

Ballard.

Oh, Ballard.

Sorry.

It was about a meeting of lawyers as church goers.

I do hope you can find time to join us.

We should value your contribution.

Oh, well, my doctor has warned me against all undue excitement.

I think this little get together of yours may place considerable strain on the old ticker.

Henry warned me about you, Rumpole.

He said you had a sense of humor.

Oh, only a mild one, Ballard.

Nothing fatal.

You you've managed to keep free of it, have you?

What do you do?

Jog a lot, I should imagine.

[giggles] Some of our keenest members scoffed at the outset.

Really?

Well, I never.

Well, I certainly hope that this little prosecution will be conducted in a thoroughly Christian spirit.

You can rely on me for that.

Yes, I hope to see a certain reluctance on your part about casting the first stone.

SAMUEL BALLARD: Decent men, family men, men who had earned the respect of the community and were placed in positions of trust, found themselves tempted by this house-- 66 Barnardine Square, Victoria.

Men left that particular house, members of the jury, with their consciences burdened with guilt and their wallets considerably lightened.

Among the many respectable figures that fell victim to the temptations of 66 Barnardine Square-- HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): Among the many respectable figures, who I wonder?

Doctors, politicians, police officers, lawyers, judges.

Oh, I must ask my clients.

Oh, of course, they'd never tell me.

Far too discreet, against the code.

But the thought is almost too good to be true.

A bull in a knocking shop.

--over the door of 66 Barnardine Square, was that which Dante chose for his inferno, Abandon hope, all ye who-- He's wasting his time, this fellow, Ballard, you know.

SAMUEL BALLARD: Once he was in the door-- I mean, the bull probably thinks that Dante is somebody who does conjuring tricks on television.

--pains to find out the fly was trapped.

He couldn't get away.

And if he was a man who enjoyed important position in public life, he would pay anything, you may think, to buy the silence of this brazen woman and her procuring husband.

What did he say?

SAMUEL BALLARD: As a jury-- I think the gentleman is talking about us, Nappy.

I looked him up.

SAMUEL BALLARD: --deeply ashamed of his conduct.

Marlborough.

And I wonder they didn't teach him better manners.

SAMUEL BALLARD: --in bringing this couple to justice.

Thank you.

My Lord, I will call my first witness.

Please do, Mr. Ballard.

Well, who is it, oh, love?

Don't be coy about it.

They're ready for you, sir.

MR. X: I swear by almighty God that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Name, please.

My Lord, I would make the usual application in a blackmail case.

I would ask that the witness be known simply as Mr. X, and that Your Lordship should direct the ladies and gentlemen of the press not to repeat the name under any circumstances.

Yes, that seems a very proper order to make.

In view of this gentleman's position.

I imagine you have no objection, Mr. Rumpole.

I do object, yes, My Lord.

British justice is meant to take place in public.

And the ladies and gentlemen of the press have a right to report the witnesses names.

There is an exception to this rule, Mr. Rumpole, in blackmail cases, as you well know.

In that case, I would have no objection, My Lord, provided a similar concession had been made for the benefit of my client.

My Lord.

My Lord, perhaps we should continue with this in the absence of the jury if there is to be an argument.

You can bet your dear old hair shirt there's going to be an argument.

Very well.

Members of the jury-- members of the jury, unfortunately, legal matters arise from time to time that have to be resolved.

Would you go to your room?

I shan't have to detain you long.

Now, Mr. Rumpole, did I hear a somewhat unusual argument with regard to the defendants in this case?

That they should be known as Mr. and Mrs. Y, why not, My Lord?

Well, my learned friend has talked about embarrassment.

Mr. and Mrs. Lee have been plastered over the front pages of every newspaper in the United Kingdom.

Darby and Joan, House of Shame, charged with being top people's madam, so on and so forth.

They've had to submit to a barrage of prejudicial publicity while this client of theirs can creep into court under a letter of the alphabet and preserve his precious respectability intact.

Mr. Rumpole, there is no charge against this gentleman.

He is innocent of any crime.

So are my clients innocent.

Innocent until proven guilty.

Or doesn't that rule still apply in your lordship's court?

Mr. Rumpole, this court is entitled to some respect.

I have so much respect for this court, My Lord, that I give it the credit for applying the law of England, unless that's been changed while I was out of the country.

I merely ask for information.

Your application that your client's name should not be published is refused, Mr. Rumpole.

The case may be reported in full as far as they are concerned.

I have no doubt they'll be delighted to contribute to the entertainment of the great British breakfast, if Your Lordship pleases.

Now, Mr. Ballard, I suppose your argument would be that if this witnesses secrets were exposed to the public, then in effect, the blackmail threat would have been successful.

That is your argument, isn't it?

Yes it is now you've told him.

Yes.

Yes, it is, My Lord.

And Your lordship puts it so much better than I can.

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): "Soapy" Sam Ballard, I see your religious beliefs don't prevent a little groveling on occasion.

Oh, I see, it's very nearly 1 o'clock.

But I will give judgment on this point now so that the witness may enjoy his lunch with a certain degree of peace of mind.

Oh, how nice.

The defendants, through their counsel, seem particularly anxious that this gentleman's patronage of their alleged house of ill repute should become widely known.

Now, if that were allowed, it would be a blackmailer's charter and no victim would ever dare to go to the police.

I am determined that this witness's high reputation shall be protected.

He will give his evidence to the jury as Mr. X after lunch.

[hallway chatter] Coming, Miss Allways?

Oh, that was absolutely splendid, Mr. Rumpole, your fight for press freedom.

Oh, I thought I was rather shot down in flames.

I mean, the judge really wants to form a protection society for the punters, doesn't he?

Bye, bye.

Who's that?

Isabel Vincent, she was a prefect when I was at Benenden.

I hero worshipped her rather.

Oh, do the girls have an old boy network too?

Isabel works for Home Counties News now.

She's tremendously into women's liberation.

- Well, so am I.

- You?

All for it.

Especially the liberation of Mrs. Lorraine Lee.

Thank you.

I think it's jolly unfair, keeping his name a secret.

Oh, dear, dear.

Thank you.

Rumpole and Miss Always to see Mr. and Mrs. Lee.

Thank you, sir.

Number three.

- Yes, thank you.

I mean these cases wouldn't exist at all if it weren't for the Mr. X's.

I suppose you know what his name is.

Oh, yes, I know what it is.

He signed his deposition.

So you could tell anybody?

Ah, ah, ah.

Contempt of court is a silent exercise, Fiona.

Like meditation.

I've never been to the cells before.

Oh, have you not?

For me, the cells have become a sort of home from home.

But we don't want his name splashed all over the papers, Mr. Rumpole.

We wouldn't want that.

Damn painful, a man in his position.

The old boy net.

Look, he sneaked on you.

Why not return the compliment?

Hmm?

Whatever he's done, we've got to do the decent thing.

We think the judge is a perfect gentleman.

HORACE RUMPOLE: You what?

Don't we, Nappy?

Yes, absolutely.

He didn't want the poor fellow's name spread all over the papers.

LORRAINE LEE: Of course not.

It would have been terribly embarrassing.

And it would be terribly embarrassing, Mrs. Lorraine Lee, if you and your husband spent five years in prison for blackmail.

And what about me?

I mean, you may be as snug as a bug in the nick.

I simply cannot afford to lose cases at this particular point in my career.

I am about to be elevated to high office.

Why just gas?

What?

Well, you use a lot of gas did you at Barnardine Square?

No, not particularly.

The bills used to lie out on the hall table.

And, well, he offered to pay one or two out of kindness really.

Yes.

He used to give us a little check.

A check?

In a house of ill repute, a check?

Mr. X is either very naive or-- Or what?

Yes, indeed, or what?

I don't know.

And we may never have a chance to find out.

We don't like it being called a house of ill repute, Mr. Rumpole.

That isn't nice.

We call it a friendly house.

What is it?

I don't know.

[chatter] Hello, Ballard.

I enjoyed the sermon.

Did you, Rumpole?

I haven't had so much fun since the old school parson gave us 45 minutes of Hellfire.

You were-- you always eat here, do you?

Yes, of course.

Don't you use the bar mess?

As a matter of fact, no.

I prefer the pub across the road.

More chance of rubbing shoulders with a few respectable criminals.

Awful lot of barristers here, aren't they?

You must take me to your pub sometime.

I mean, we should get rather better acquainted.

I might drop in on one of your churchgoers' meetings.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I think it's a great deal to be said for introducing more Christian spirit into the law.

I'm so glad you think so.

Oh, I do, I do.

As I understand it, there's more joy in heaven, if one sinner repenteth, and all that sort of thing.

All that sort of thing, yes.

And if two sinners repenteth to the tune of pleading guilty to keeping a disorderly house, wilt thou not drop the blackmailing charge, old cock?

No.

No.

SAMUEL BALLARD: They could get five years for blackmail, whereas the top sentence for keeping a disorderly house is a mere six months.

Is that the reason behind your appeal to Christian principles, Rumpole?

You have a remarkably cynical attitude for a churchgoer.

Blessed are the blackmailers, for they shall walk out without a stain on their characters, is that your version of the Sermon on the Mount, Rumpole?

Prisons are built with stones of law, brothels with bricks of religion.

That's William Blake, the William Blake version.

I'll give you another quotation.

Where I come not to call the righteous, but the sinners to repentance.

Matthew 9, verse 13.

You seem to rely heavily on the scriptures, Rumpole.

You really must join us at LAC.

My old father was a cleric.

I'll tell you something.

He hated Bible classes.

The judge will be back soon.

Five years?

They'd really get five years?

I know what we want in this case, Fiona, old lad, a witness or two, a witness who knows something about Mr. X.

But who's going to come galloping to our aid while no one knows who in the hell he is?

You won't mind me calling you Mr. X?

No.

Thought you wouldn't.

For how long were you an habitue of this house of ill repute?

Really, Mr. Rumpole, does that make the slightest difference?

Please answer the question, unless My Lord rules against it on a point of law.

I'd been visiting there for about five years.

Five years.

On your way home from directing the nation's affairs-- Mr. Rumpole.

Yes, very well.

On your way home from work, before you got lost in the bosom of your family, it was your practice to pop into 66 Barnardine Square, was it?

MR. X: Yes.

Tell me, how did you first find out about this place of resort?

Find out about it?

Yes.

A bit of gossip at the club, was it?

Or perhaps an advertisement in The Times' personal columns?

I heard about it from an old friend.

An old friend?

Was it by any chance someone you'd known at school?

Well, I'd known him nearly all my life.

HORACE RUMPOLE: And you had kept up with him?

No.

We met again after an interval of a good many years.

HORACE RUMPOLE: Where did you meet?

MR. X: In a public house.

In the Victoria area?

Somewhere near there, yes.

How long ago was this meeting in a public house in Victoria?

About five years ago.

Five years ago.

The old school friend in question wasn't by any chance Mr. Napier Lee, defendant in this case?

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): I just broke the first rule of cross-examination-- never ask a question unless you know the answer.

Yes.

HORACE RUMPOLE: Well, speak up, Mr. X.

Yes, My Lord, it was Mr. Napier Lee.

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): A miracle.

How do I get God on my side?

What did he tell you?

MR. X: He told me that he'd been ill.

He said he had a house somewhere near Victoria Station.

And that he and his wife were starting a business there.

A business in agreeable ladies?

MR. X: Yes.

And did you offer to put some much needed capital into that business?

I mean, the court had kept your name secret, Mr. X, because you're so respectable.

Are you not, in fact, an investor in a bawdy house?

My Lord, My Lord, the witness should be warned.

I do know my job, Mr. Ballard.

I should warn you that you are not bound to answer any question that might incriminate you.

Now, do you wish to answer Mr. Rumpole's question, or would you rather not?

I would prefer not to, My Lord.

You would prefer not to.

So you had an arrangement with Mr. and Mrs. Lee over a period of five years.

They, for their part, had five years in which to blackmail you if they had wanted to do so.

Yes, I suppose so.

And yet there wasn't the slightest suggestion of such a thing until six months ago.

That is right.

When you say you were asked by them to pay a couple of trivial gas bills.

Bills for 145 pounds and 137 pounds 53 pence.

And you paid these bills for the Lees by check?

- Yes.

- Why?

Because, as I have told you, Mr. Rumpole, they threatened to tell my employers about my visits to their house unless I did so.

I don't mean that.

Why did you pay by check?

Oh, I don't know exactly.

HORACE RUMPOLE: Well, did you ever pay by check before when you visited this place on previous occasions?

- No.

Always in cash?

MR. X: Oh, of course.

Yes, of course.

Because you did not want a record of your name left in connection with the Lees' business.

But on the occasion of this alleged blackmail, you did want a record left.

I told you, I don't know why I paid my check.

On those occasions-- Was it because you needed evidence on which to base this completely unfounded allegation of blackmail against my clients?

No.

Well, I suppose I just didn't think about it.

Thank you, Mr. X. Mr. X, when you paid in cash, I presume you paid the girls in the establishment?

Yes, My Lord.

Did it strike you as a different matter when you were paying the gas bill for them?

Yes, My Lord.

But you saw no particular harm in paying that great public authority by check?

No harm at all.

No.

We'll rise now.

10:30 tomorrow morning, members of the jury.

MAN (ON TV): --taking coach to the Isle of Wight.

Well, Rumpole, how did it go?

I suppose it could be described as a nightmare.

You mean it's not going well?

Well, we have a prosecutor who wears a hair shirt and who seems to have done his pupillage under the Inquisition.

The mad bull is madder than ever.

A chief witness has this in common with the late, lamented Lohengrin.

No one must ever ask him his name.

And my clients seem to think it's in the best public school tradition to be found guilty of blackmail.

There we all are, down the Old Bailey, roll'd round in Earth's diurnal course, with rocks and stones and trees.

And it's giving me a bad headache.

I mean, in chambers, Rumpole.

The headship, is it going to be ours?

You have a remarkable legal ambition, Hilda.

I'm only sorry I can't bring you back to the Lord Chief Justice's chain of office, together with a bottle of Pomeroy Chateau de Blankenheim.

I'm not looking for the Lord Chancellor.

HORACE RUMPOLE: He'll be very relieved to hear it.

Just head of daddy's old chambers.

There's no one more senior than you, is there, Rumpole?

No one longer in bottle as a legal hack, no.

And no silks?

No, not so far.

Oh, Erskine-Brown's application doesn't come off until after the chamber's meeting.

Oh, then it's in the bag, isn't it?

Oh, fear nothing, Hilda.

As far as I'm concerned, your election is assured.

And Dodo's agreed to help out at the party, and she does all sorts of dips.

Oh, damned versatile, Dodo.

She paints too, didn't she?

Oh, look, it's Miss Thing.

There have been astonishing revelations today in the top people's disorderly house case.

Home Counties News can reveal that Mr. X is, in fact, the very senior civil servant at the Foreign Office, Sir Cuthbert Pericles.

And he is only one of the men highly placed in public life who are believed to have visited the house in Barnardine Square.

This is Isabel Vincent, Home Counties News.

My God.

Whatever's the matter?

Your nearest the window, Hilda.

Did you hear a loud noise coming from Kensington?

What sort of noise?

His Honor, Judge Bullingham, blowing up.

JUDGE BULLINGHAM: Almost 50 years experience at the bar and on the bench, I have never known a more flagrant, wicked, and inexcusable contempt of court.

The order of this court was perfectly clear.

How long will it take him to get here?

I told him 10:30.

He's late.

JUDGE BULLINGHAM: --observed by every single newspaper.

I promised we'd call him first.

Oh, we'll call him first all right.

--gentlemen of the press.

But the contempt here was committed by a person who is neither a gentleman nor from the press.

The person is female and from television.

If any person who has been in this court, any person at all, had a hand in this matter, they will be sought out and punished.

I will send the papers to the Director of Public Prosecutions.

Bernard, go help Alfred.

The bull's running out of steam.

JUDGE BULLINGHAM: --action will be taken against this most foolish and wicked young woman.

Mr. Lucas?

Yes.

I'm Bernard.

Could we just have a moment to check over what you've told me?

Yeah.

Now when did you say this meeting first took place?

Well, he asked me to lunch at his club.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in opening for the defense, it is my duty to outline to you the evidence that we shall be calling.

I will be calling a witness-- HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): I hope to God I'm going to call a witness.

--who may be able to penetrate the pall of secrecy that has fallen over this case, who may have the bad manners and the rotten taste to actually tell us the truth about the eminence, who may be able to penetrate for us the old boy net.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I will now call-- who shall I now call?

- Mr. Steven.

- Mr. Simon-- - Stephen.

- Stephen Lucas.

Very well, Mr. Rumpole.

[courtroom chatter] OFFICER: Take the book in your right hand and repeat the oath from the card.

STEPHEN LUCAS: I swear by almighty God that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Ah, Mr. Stephen Lucas, you are a member of the Foreign Office, Legal Department.

STEPHEN LUCAS: Yes, I am.

HORACE RUMPOLE: And do you know the witness that we call Mr. X?

I have asked him to come back to court so that you may identify him.

Yes, I do.

HORACE RUMPOLE: Is he a friend of yours?

STEPHEN LUCAS: Well, we meet in the Foreign Office, of course.

And I would say I know him fairly well and over a long period.

Yes, of course.

Now, do you remember lunching with him a year ago at his club?

And was that at his invitation?

Yes, it was.

HORACE RUMPOLE: What did you discuss, do you remember?

STEPHEN LUCAS: We discussed a number of things, the work of my department, and so on.

And then he asked me some questions about the recent Contempt of Court Act.

HORACE RUMPOLE: The Contempt of Court Act, and what particular aspect of that act was our friend, Mr. X, interested in?

In the court's power to order that the name of a witness in a blackmail case should be kept secret, perhaps forever.

I remember his observing that therefore, if you wanted your name kept out of a particular scandal or something of the sort, all you would have to do would be to accuse someone of blackmail.

I see.

Mr. Lucas, what made you remember this conversation?

It was last night when I heard Mr. X's name mentioned on the television news.

I thought it might have some bearing on the case.

You may well be right.

And you no doubt felt that it was your public duty to come forward.

Mr. Lucas, you say that you know Mr. X very well.

You didn't by any chance go to school together?

No, I wasn't at Lawnhurst.

Thank you, Mr. Lucas.

Thank the Lord, he wasn't.

We wouldn't have got a word out of him otherwise.

So-- so-- so you wouldn't have come here to give evidence if there hadn't been a flagrant contempt of court and Mr. X's name hadn't been mentioned on the television news?

STEPHEN LUCAS: Yes, that's right.

I agree.

It is all very unfortunate, Mr. Ballard.

But what can I do about it?

I can't exclude this evidence.

No, no, no, no, no, no, my Lord.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

But it is most unfortunate.

It is indeed.

But then the harm has been done.

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): Or the good.

It depends on which way you look at it, old love.

HORACE RUMPOLE: And so it would seem to be clear, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that Mr. X could not bring himself to give up his visits to the friendly house at number 66, Barnardine Square.

And yet he was terrified that one day the place may be raided and his name would come out in the ensuing scandal.

So he hit upon this overelaborate insurance device.

Two checks, sure proof that he had paid money on the Lees' behalf would lay the foundation for a trumped up blackmail charge, which would keep his name a secret forever.

It was a devious plan, cunning, complicated, expensive, and absolutely futile, indeed just the sort of plan you may think that would occur to somebody high up in our country's government.

And why was it futile?

Because Mr. X need never have worried.

He had nothing to fear.

The Lees would never have betrayed his pathetic little secrets.

It would have been against their code, for it was for them, as it never was for Mr. X, a question of morality.

Well, six months for the disorderly house, I'm afraid.

A first class result on the blackmail, Mr. Rumpole.

Wasn't it, Mr. Bernard?

Thank you very much.

I just hope Custard didn't think we sneaked on him.

He knows we'd never do a thing like that, Nappy.

Custard?

Why Custard?

His name is Cuthbert.

So we called him Custard at school.

Oh, I suppose that follows.

Well, even if Custard didn't behave very well, we didn't break the code, Nappy.

That's something to comfort us.

Oh, it won't be too bad.

They'll probably send you to an open prison.

The old chap's been at Lawnhurst.

Prison should be a piece of cake.

Yeah, you never know.

You might meet some old boys.

I didn't go to Lawnhurst.

By Jove, that's a point.

Yes.

I didn't go to Roedean either.

It was a question of the reddies.

It's a boys only where I'm going, I suppose?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

No co-education.

I'm awfully sorry, old girl.

We're going to be separated.

Not for long, Nappy.

And we've had a marvelous offer for the freehold.

Yes.

Not to mention the goodwill.

[bells ringing] It was a marvelous win.

There's one thing you'll have to learn very quickly, Fiona, if you want to be a barrister.

Keep the rules.

I don't know what you mean.

Don't you?

Oh, don't worry.

I don't imagine Miss Isabel Vincent isn't going to reveal her sources.

She's all out for martyrdom.

But you must keep the rules.

You can swear at them, argue your way around them, do your damnedest to change them.

But if you break them, how the hell are you going to help the other poor idiot in the trouble?

I'll never get a place in chambers now.

I don't know.

Perhaps you will.

Perhaps you won't.

There is another little cause or matter you can help me with.

Can I?

Oh, yes.

The defense of Miss Vincent.

Look up the contempt of court cases, why don't you?

Oh, yes, we've got to keep the good miss out of the nick.

I don't know about you, but martyrs make me exceedingly nervous.

I might as well say, I think he's going to be busy until the middle of next week.

Mr. Rumpole?

Yes.

The chambers meeting has started, you know, sir.

- Meeting?

- Sorry about that.

Mr. Justice Featherstone's old room, sir.

Oh, and the judge's clerk came round with a letter for you, sir.

Oh, a billet-doux from a judge.

How very most unusual.

[footsteps] [grunts] MAN: No, no, no, no.

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): Ballard?

MAN: On moral grounds.

Ballard, what's going on?

Is this a prayer meeting or something?

What are you doing here?

Well, hasn't anyone told you?

Featherstone J said he'd written as soon as he knew you were back.

FEATHERSTONE (VOICEOVER): Dear Old Horace, Old Boy, just a brief note to introduce Sam Ballard, who was, in fact, my fag master at Marlborough.

Sam came to me looking for a London home.

All the other fellows agreed.

And as you were off in the jungle, we knew you'd have no objection.

Someone will have to take over as head of chambers as I am detained during her Majesty's pleasure.

And Sam Ballard is clearly a likely candidate.

Marigold joins me in sending all our best wishes to you and Hilda.

Glad you could make it, Rumpole.

I-- We thought Roger Bullingham might have put you in chokey, Horace, on a little matter of contempt of court.

[laughter] Oh, Erskine-Brown, you're so amusing.

Yes, well, now we're all assembled, and perhaps-- HORACE RUMPOLE: Brethren-- --perhaps we should decide who is going to approach the Inn as the new head of this chambers.

Yes, well, speaking for myself, I have been in these chambers for a good many years.

Not half as long as Rumpole.

Oh, thank you, Uncle Tom.

Rumpole has been here since the year dot, as far as I can remember.

And although I haven't yet been able to put on the knee breeches and silk gown, as you have, Ballard, my application is in to the Lord Chancellor's Office.

And I don't imagine there'll be any difficulty.

There's many a slip twixt knee breeches and hip.

What is it?

Has Rumpole made a joke?

Of course, I'm a complete newcomer here.

Yes, that's right.

They just dropped you in with a copy of today's Times.

But whoever heads these chambers will, I hope, be able to take the position seriously.

HORACE RUMPOLE: And here endeth the first lesson.

It's also terribly important that whoever heads us should be a barrister entirely sans reproche.

Oh, absolutement, Claude.

We must cherish our high reputation.

It would be most unfortunate if we had a head who could possibly be even accused of sharp practice.

Just what do you mean by that, exactly?

Now, now, now, now, I don't think there should be any speculation arising out of the recent case at the Old Bailey.

Yes, it's true, a question of contempt of court did arise.

You're delighted to say.

But that issue still has to be decided.

There has been no finding as to how the information was leaked.

One hopes, of course, the information was not leaked by any member of the legal profession.

So I think we should put the regrettable matter of a flagrant contempt of court out of our minds for the purposes of this decision.

Well, wouldn't you agree that that is the fair approach?

MAN: Oh, yes.

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): Oh, "Soapy" Sam, how very clever.

What can I say?

Well, now, Rumpole, as an old member of this set-- Well, of course, he's old.

Rumpole can't help being old.

SAMUEL BALLARD: Yes, yes, yes.

Have you anything to say?

HORACE RUMPOLE (VOICEOVER): Why sentence of death should not be passed against me?

Only this.

I would just like to remind you all of the claims of someone who has been associated with these chambers for far longer than any of you, who grew up in these flyblown rooms and on this dusty staircase, who has never aspired to silk, nor to judicial office, nor even to appearing before the Uxbridge magistrates.

But someone whose whole ambition is centered on that meaningless title, head of chambers.

What's Rumpole talking about?

He means himself.

HORACE RUMPOLE: No, Erskine-Brown, I do not mean me.

[humming] Is that you, Rumpole?

HORACE RUMPOLE: Yes, Hilda.

Has it been decided yet?

Hmm?

Uh-- well, not finally.

But in principle, Rumpole, it has been decided in principle, hasn't it?

Well, they're-- they're having the chambers party on the 29th.

They'll announce their decision then.

Look, Hilda, I really wouldn't bother going.

They can be pretty grisly occasions.

Oh, this won't be grisly, Rumpole.

It'll be a triumph.

And nothing on Earth is going to keep me away.

[humming] [chatter] Those are cheese and oniony.

And those are the little sausage arrangements, if that's what you prefer.

Of course.

I shall be running these parties now.

Marigold Featherstone was a sweet person, of course, but I don't think she had a great interest in the canapes.

Oh, that's a little prawny sort of vol-au-vent arrangement.

Frightfully light, isn't it?

I do want these parties to be a success for Rumpole.

[knocking] Everybody, Uncle Tom.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

It falls to me as the oldest member of chambers to do the honors here tonight-- Uncle Tom.

Mrs. Rumpole?

No, carry on, Uncle Tom.

Carry on.

- Thank you.

I was going to.

I remember three equity courts many years ago when dear old CH Wystan was head of chambers-- Uncle Tom remembers Daddy.

Exactly.

Horace Rumpole and I used to hang about in the clerk's room waiting for work.

[french].

I used to while away the time practicing chip shots with an old mashie niblick.

It seems my one legal ambition was to get my balls into the wastepaper basket.

[laughs] - Fiona.

Then the present Mr. Justice Featherstone came to help us.

Of course, at the time he was plain Guthrie Featherstone, albeit QC, MP.

And now, a new chapter opens in our history.

Hear, hear.

Thank you.

The man I have to introduce as our new head of chambers, voted on by a comfortable majority, I may say, is a man well known and respected not only in legal circles, but in the church.

Rumpole?

UNCLE TOM: He is a man deeply concerned with the problems of morality.

I happen to be taking dinner with old Tuppy Thompson, ex canon of Southwark Cathedral, and he said to me, a little bird told me about your new head of chambers.

You've got a sound man there, he said, one who walketh in the ways of righteousness, even through the valley of the Central Criminal Court.

The ways of righteousness.

They ought to see him at breakfast, when he's in a bad temper.

Hilda.

Not much of the ways of righteousness there, Uncle Tom.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to raise a glass to our new head of chambers.

I give you our dear old chambers, three equity court, coupled with the name-- Rumple-- --of Sam Ballard, one of her Majesty's counsel.

Long may he reign over us.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Amen.

SAMUEL BALLARD: Thank you.

MAN: Very good.

SAMUEL BALLARD: Thank you very much.

MAN: It's very good to see you.

You never told me.

No, Hilda, I flunked it.

Passed over again.

HORACE RUMPOLE: Ah, never mind, old girl.

It isn't the end of the world.

You're still a wonderful advocate, Hilda.

Terrific in argument.

What a failure, Rumpole.

Well, let's have another slurp of bubbly, shall we?

Why not drink to failure?

After all, champagne tastes just as good as-- He's feels eating all of Dodo's little cheesy bits.

Oh, cheeky.

[chatter] [theme music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪