(lively rock music) ♪ Hey ♪ Hey ♪ Hey - Welcome to "A Shot of Ag.

I'm your host, Rob Sharkey.

Farming, it's a lifestyle that I love, and I wouldn't love it as much without my wonderful wife.

Farm couples, either love 'em or hate 'em.

I don't know.

But we're gonna talk to two today that have definitely found the love part of it.

(Adrienne and Drew laugh) Today, we're talking with Adrienne and Drew DeSutter.

How you guys doing?

- I don't even know how to respond after that, Sharkey.

- Just end the interview now?

(Adrienne laughs) Okay, maybe I should.

You guys don't like each other, is that what it is?

- We love each other, but like many farm couples, there's always challenges, yeah.

- Tell me about the last time he was wrong.

- [Drew] Probably this morning.

(laughs) - Yeah, I mean, on the way here maybe.

- I imagine.

I feel your pain.

- I'm wrong a lot.

- You can tell, huh?

It's that obvious.

Okay.

- You guys are from New Windsor, Illinois, so I assume that you ride bulls?

(Adrienne laughs) - No, no, riding bulls.

- Why is it New Windsor's like in the middle of nowhere, but yet you guys have a rodeo?

- And it's a good rodeo.

It's a good show.

- I've been there.

It's a lot of fun.

- Biggest little rodeo and- - Yeah.

- Do you go to it every year?

- Yeah.

- We don't watch the rodeos.

- Yeah, the kids like to ride the rides, and, you know- - Oh, it's a whole- - We can see it from our house, so, you know, might as well go, right?

- Like I'm interviewing Sarah Palin here.

(Adrienne and Drew laugh) - Basically.

- Very cool.

So how long have you guys been married?

- 10 years.

- Yay- - We celebrated 10 years.

- He remembered.

- Was he right, huh?

- Yeah.

- Where'd you guys meet?

- Well, it depends on who you ask.

We probably met the first time like where we actually talked and remembered each other at a friend's engagement party.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

- Now- - But I was dating someone, and then we started flirting, and so I had to leave the party early 'cause I was like, probably better not talk to that guy right now.

- Oh.

- I gotta get outta here.

Yeah, and then flash forward a couple years, here we are.

- I feel like we've missed some things in that story, but.

- Yeah.

(laughs) - So I think the first time we met, I was living with a couple guys after college in kind of a bachelor pad.

We actually had harvest the next... We were in the middle of harvest, and it was like a Saturday.

And one of the guys had gone to school with Adrienne, and he said, "Hey, we're gonna go out tonight.

You wanna go?"

And I'm like, "No, I gotta get up early in the morning.

I'm not gonna go."

And he's like, "Well, Adrienne's going, and she's single, if, you know, you're interested."

I'm like, "All right, well, I'll go."

- Give a try.

- I'll go.

- Whatever, he rushed up, and he's like, "Okay, I'm in."

- (laughs) And how many kids?

- Four.

- Four kids?

What are the ages?

- Two, four, seven, and eight.

- Whew.

(Drew laughs) Wow.

- Yes, we know how children are created.

We've passed that a time or two.

- That was not in question.

(Rob and Adrienne laugh) Okay, so, Drew, you grew up on a farm, right?

- Yep.

- And you are what, fourth generation?

- Fourth generation, yep.

- Adrienne, you did not?

- No.

- Okay.

So you're meeting this guy.

You're falling in love.

You're thinking about a life with him, and he's a farmer.

Were you okay with that?

- Well, it's interesting because I was kind of one of those...

I grew up in the country, so I'm from Cambridge originally.

- [Rob] Oh, I'm sorry.

- Yeah, right?

We hadn't talked about that yet.

- I've probably been speaking too fast.

(Adrienne and Drew laugh) - Well, to add to it, I grew up in the country surrounded by fields.

But to be fair, until I was 18, I could not have told you what was growing in those fields.

Like that is how far removed I was from agriculture.

- I mean, at least, that's honest, right?

- It's honest.

You can't ever say that we're not honest people, that's for sure, but it's also a little embarrassing.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- I mean, did you know what you... Because so many times we've talked to farm couples where it's generally the wife has married onto the farm, and then she's like, "My gosh, my husband is never here."

- I was just gonna say those exact words, yeah.

No, I mean, to be fair, when we first started dating, it was harvest, and so I'm like sitting by my phone waiting for the text messages to come in from him.

You know, when you're first dating, you're all excited, and they just never came.

And so that was a really good introduction to the fact that life was gonna be a little different than what I anticipated.

- Yeah, was this before auto steer?

- At the time, I was just driving a semi, so I was hauling in and out, so yeah- - [Rob] There's no excuse not to text her.

- So there was no down time, or- - Yeah, I was always driving.

- Yeah.

- Always moving.

- Always.

(Drew laughs) - I don't know.

I don't remember.

- Truck drivers must be a little different on your farm 'cause they do a lot of sitting, lot of- - Well, that's saying something about the relationship, huh?

- You're gonna get me in trouble.

(laughs) - As you look back, like what was some of the big takeaways, the big surprises of marrying onto a farm and being married to a farmer?

- You know, I think the biggest challenge has been since becoming parents because I think, you know, anyone goes into a relationship, and you know, I can deal with late nights, you know, with long harvests, whatever.

But then once you have kids, you go, "Okay, well now it's just not just about me," you know.

So even though I'm tolerant for something, now that's where you start to get a little more, trying to figure things out, you know?

Yeah.

- So, on your farm, is there like a division of labor?

Because it used to be, you know, when Emily and I were having young kids, I mean, she really didn't help with the farm that much.

You know, there was some bookwork and that, but you know, as time changed, you know, roles evolved.

So where do you guys sit now?

- Well, on our farm, it's my dad, my uncle, and a cousin and me.

And we pretty much do all the work, and we all have different roles and responsibilities.

My dad does kind of most of the book work, and I take care of the planning.

And my cousin does the spraying and the combine, runs the combine.

So that's kind of how the division of labor works on our farm.

- [Rob] Who runs the cart?

- I do now.

(Adrienne laughs) - You poor, poor man.

- I actually enjoy it, which I know that not very many people enjoy running the grain cart, but, you know, you're always moving.

- [Rob] I love running it, yeah.

- Yeah, it's like a challenge, you know.

If I can't keep up, everyone stops.

So, you know, every day is just keep everyone moving.

- And it's always your fault.

- Oh yeah, absolutely.

- What all do you raise on your farm?

- We're basically corn and soybeans.

I have a very, very small cattle herd, just about 10 cows and- - [Rob] That's enough.

- Yeah, it's enough to keep my dad busy.

- It was enough for them to start escaping, and we had to downsize a little bit- - Yeah.

- 'Cause the herd was growing.

- We probably don't have the facilities for, you know, a major cattle farm anymore.

(laughs) - Is this what you've always wanted to do, is farm?

- Yeah, I went to school at Illinois for ag business, but that was kind of the plan, to come back and farm.

- ISU or U of I?

- University of Illinois, yeah.

- Okay, I'm surprised we got so far into this interview without you mentioning that first.

- (laughs) He's not like your other Illinois people.

- Yeah, did you go to school?

- I did.

- Where'd you go?

- Illinois Wesleyan.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

- [Rob] What'd you study?

- Well, I was trying to be a school counselor, so I did some education, some psychology, kind of an interesting major mixing some stuff up.

- [Rob] She gets in here, huh?

- Oh yeah, oh yeah.

- That's why he really loves me.

(all laugh) - Drew, you're very involved, I mean, obviously farming.

You're busy, you got four kids, but you're also involved in what, AFBF?

- I was.

Two years ago, I was on the YF&R committee, young farmers and ranchers, and it's a- - [Rob] For the American Farm Bureau?

- Yep, at the American Farm Bureau and about 18 people from across the country.

And so that was a really neat experience to get to meet a lot of very interesting farms.

You know, in Illinois, I think you kind of think corn and soybeans, but we went out to a farm in Oregon, and it was a tulip farm.

And they were close enough to Portland, people would come from Portland just to see the tulips.

That was kind of their drive.

- What was the name of it?

Do you remember?

- The Wooden Shoe?

- We've been there.

- Yeah.

- We actually shot our TV show there.

- Oh really?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, John Iverson.

- There's like 40 acres of tulips.

- Yeah.

- It's crazy.

- Yeah.

- Probably one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to in my life, yeah.

- Yep.

- And then you were recognized by the Illinois Soybean Association as 20 Under 40.

That has to be, I don't know, that's nice to get the old pat on the back, isn't it?

- Absolutely, yeah, the Illinois Soybean Association, they do those awards every year, and I think that was the first class of the 20 Under 40.

And so that was kind of quite the honor to get that.

I also did the Illinois Soybean Ambassador program and got to travel a little bit with that, and that was kind of fun.

One of the places we went to was Japan and saw some ports there and got to see some of the United States grown soybeans getting dumped at a facility in Japan.

- Going to tofu or whatever they make out of it?

- Probably.

- And I think we had some of that when we were out there.

It was probably not something that I would prefer on a daily basis, but.

- Is what it is, I guess.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

So Adrienne, you, I guess with your background in education, you're not afraid to talk about mental health, which in farming we don't do.

- We do now, darn it.

- We like to take our feelings and we put 'em in a little ball, and we push 'em down deep inside until one day we explode.

- I've noticed that.

- Yeah.

- I've noticed that, yeah.

Yeah, I guess not coming from an agriculture background, when I stepped away from working as a school counselor, I was trying to kind of figure out where do I fit in on our farm other than just mom, you know, and parts runner and whatever else.

- [Rob] Which is nothing wrong with it.

- No, no, because it's all integral.

Like, you need all of it, you know?

But you need farm moms too.

I mean, our priority right now for me and my priority before anything mental health-related is to raise good, kind children.

That's what it is.

But, yeah, I've had the opportunity to...

I started speaking out a little bit in mental health, which is kind of like a dirty word, I know.

But it kind of exploded, and now I get to travel the country and talk farm family, really.

You know, like I said, it's kind of, saying mental health is something that people kind of go, "Ew," but that's not really what it's about for me.

I try not to even say the term when I'm talking 'cause it's really just about like relating to other farm couples going through chaos like we are, you know, moms trying to raise their kids, whatever else, so yeah.

- The suicide rate in agriculture is one of the things that has gone not talked about for long, long time.

It really is a crisis.

So you say you go, and you talk.

I mean, who are you getting to listen to you about this?

- When I first started doing this back in 2019 or so, I kind of had two goals, and one of the goals was those people that were struggling with mental health conditions like depression or anxiety or, you know, people who were in those super dark times that maybe suicide or, you know, just not living fulfilling lives, you know, when they were experiencing thoughts like that.

So that was kind of one of the goals, especially men, because when we're looking at farm suicide rates, we're looking at men, not that women aren't obviously very involved, but that's what the rates are about, is about men.

And so that was kind of the main goal, but the secondary goal was really just again, like people like us.

Like, the suicide rate is a problem, but it's also a problem that we are constantly feeling like we have to juggle all the things all the time and that we have to take our feelings and crumple 'em up and, you know, explode and things like that.

So the goal was really to just reach everybody and kind of figure out how can we make a difference in agriculture as a whole, yeah.

- Are you finding people that listen?

- It's wild, honestly, the response that this has gotten.

Every time I do a presentation or write an article, or I'm on a podcast or whatever, I never imagined the amount of feedback that I would get that are people that, again, are dealing with major lows or can relate because of a neighbor or a family member or seeking advice or whatever.

But again, a lot of it is just like, the response is people that say, "Oh my gosh, you get it."

And that's the cool thing, is that like in agriculture, we're all struggling with something.

You know, there's something going on with everybody, and the fact that we live such unique lives, you kind of feel isolated in that.

And it's nice for people to be able to say like, "Oh yeah, someone gets it.

Somebody else is in these shoes too."

- Yeah, well, I'm glad to hear that because, I mean, we were talking before the show, you know, people like Lesley Kelly or Kim Keller that started talking about this, you know, maybe three, four years before you, they meant like a brick wall.

And they just kept chipping away until all of a sudden we could say mental health in agriculture because I remember the first podcast I did about it, the emails.

"Why are you talking about this?

Why are you making agriculture look bad?"

You know, "Suck it up buttercup," and that was it.

And we weren't gonna talk about stupid, stupid, stupid feelings.

- Yeah, I mean, there's definitely still a lot of stigma and a lot of work to be done, don't get me wrong.

It's not well received, you know, everywhere.

- [Drew] We've made a lot of progress.

- But we made progress because of people like Lesley, honestly, that started that chipping away.

And I think when I got into it was in 2019 when there was a lot of hard stuff going on, and then 2020 came and, you know, that hard stuff kind of multiplied.

So it was a time where at least organizations were starting to say like, "We're looking at these rates now.

We're looking at these depression rates."

And the worst rate of all to me is that farm youth are exhibiting the same amount of depression symptoms as farmers are, you know, the farm kids, and so- - Are they?

- They are, yeah.

- Why is that?

- Well, genetics, number one.

When you got conditions, a lot of that is genetic, but also just you're talking about living a lifestyle that's a ridiculously hard, stressful lifestyle.

Agriculture is, it's stress.

So yeah, that chronic stress, it's sort of contagious.

- So, Drew, when your wife... You're a farmer, right?

- Yep, yep.

- You grew up with the mindset, the system, right?

You know the deal.

- Yeah, yeah.

- And now your wife is openly talking about mental health in agriculture.

Were you okay with that?

- Ah, probably not at first.

Yeah, I mean, it was... You put your emotions deep down inside and don't show 'em is kind of how I grew up.

And it's kind of how I thought about mental health.

And I've learned a lot by being married to Adrienne, and, you know, everyone has mental health, just like physical health.

And you know, there's differences in the severity of what you're going through, but you can always improve.

And I think that she's helped me along, you know, deal with a lot of the stresses that I have in my job and putting things into perspective.

I think part of why farming is stressful is because, as farmers, we like to be in control.

It's just kind of who we are.

You know, we like to be in control of everything, and we work in an industry where we're not in control of a lot of things.

I mean, you can't make it rain in the summer, right?

You can't, you know, tell me what the price of grain is gonna be in certainty in a year from now.

So when you don't have control, I think that sometimes that stress comes to the forefront.

- You know, there's people out there that are listening and are like, "Okay, yeah, I know I've got anxiety, depression, whatever, but it's not as bad as my neighbor down the street that is, you know, in a really bad place."

What do you tell someone like that?

- Correct.

(laughs) Honestly, I mean, like yeah, you're right that your experience is not going to be as bad as someone else.

My experience is not as bad as a lot of people when it comes to my overall mental health, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

That doesn't mean my experience doesn't exist and that it's not valid.

Just because someone is going through something that's more stressful, you know, a deeper depression, whatever, doesn't take from what I am experiencing and, you know, what you're experiencing.

So, yeah, I mean, for sure, if you're someone who's listening that's saying, you know, "Okay, but I shouldn't be feeling bad because of X, Y, and Z," well, you do.

You're feeling bad, so like, let's deal with that.

Or you know, again, just if you wanna be... You know, therapy is something that is not just for people with depression.

It's anyone that wants to be better.

You know, you think of that as seeking help in kind of a severe way, but I don't have a mental health condition, and I have a therapist.

And I talk to her a few times a year about how I wanna be a better mom, you know, and how I can be more patient with my husband or whatever else.

Yeah, there's still a lot of confusion about all the stuff that is involved with mental health and resources involved and whatever else, but it's for everybody.

- And I think working, you know, on your mental health even in times where you're not as stressed out prepares you for times when you are gonna go through some stressful situations because there are periods of the year where farming isn't that stressful.

And then there are situations you get into where farming can be a lot more stressful.

And I think if you're making incremental improvements along the way and focusing on some things that you can do better to help your mental health, you prepare for those tougher situations.

- Yeah, it always concerns me when I hear people comparing.

I like the example of every year, you know, people drown in the ocean.

Every year people drown in a five-gallon bucket of water.

Obviously one is a lot worse than the other, but the result is the same, so.

What is this?

(Adrienne laughs) - What is this?

- I mean, it's a backhoe, but... - Well, we got a lot of kids' toys around the house right now.

- Yeah, so Emily asked you to like bring something of interest or something that represents you.

- Yeah.

- And you bring, it's not even a Fisher-Price.

It's like Fisher Price, but it's spelled wrong.

Fisher Priest or something, yeah.

- It's dirty just like all my equipment.

It's probably broken places, but you were talking about Adrienne not coming from a farm and me being raised on a farm.

Right when we started dating towards the beginning, I think we were driving to the quad cities or something.

We went by a field that was pattern-tiled.

And I looked out, and I said, "Let's see how much she knows."

So I said, "You see that farm out there?"

She's like, "Yeah."

I said, "They've got a bad problem."

She's like, "What do you mean?"

I said, "That's a bad mole problem out there."

- Oh, you rascal.

- "Moles all over the place."

- And she's like, "No."

I'm like, "Yeah."

And she's like- - And I fell right for it.

- Yeah.

(Adrienne laughs) I didn't keep up the joke very long, but it was just kind of funny.

So I give her grief about that every time we go by any fields that are pattern-tiled.

(laughs) She thought that it could be a mole problem.

- Yeah, that is how far removed from agriculture, but also this dirty piece of equipment here is also, has like multi-functions, and I guess that's kind of representative of us on the farm as a couple, you know?

- Yeah.

- How we started off, that, you know, I've got lots of things that I'm in charge of and that I'm responsible for, and he's got other things that he's responsible for in our family, and together we make it work, usually.

- So there might be some young men out there that are watching this, and I might suggest that as funny as that was, maybe don't do that to your wife.

(Adrienne and Drew laugh) - I don't know, it's made a good story, and I don't have any shame, so it's worked out for us.

(laughs) - You guys have a lot to deal with.

You got the kids.

You got the farm.

You've got all sorts of things.

You talk about life being a juggling act.

What do you mean by that?

- Oh, I guess I feel like all the time people are saying... You know, you're looking at the farmer down the road, and you're saying, "How do they do it?

How do they got their crops looking so good?"

I got one gal who's coming into church, and she's got like six kids, and they're all matching and coordinated in outfits and- - Those people.

- You know, those people, we're not them.

(laughs) But you're looking at 'em, and you're going, "How do they get it all done?"

you know?

And we question ourselves all the time, like, how are we supposed to keep up with the family and the farm and this mental health stuff and whatever else and being involved in our communities?

And you know, it's taken a lot of introspect to be able to realize that when we talk about the juggle of life, that you always have the balls that you're juggling those different areas, that the reality is that some of 'em are gonna crash and burn.

You know, when I'm out doing mental health stuff and traveling, our home life is chaos.

The house is a mess.

The kids are crying, you know?

- [Rob] Wow.

- (laughs) I mean- - You know, there's some young women out there watching this.

Maybe just a little bit of advice is maybe don't do that to your husband.

- To be fair, I was actually talking about the babysitters 'cause Drew's usually working and still at farm, (laughs) at the farm.

- Nice save.

(Adrienne laughs) - Yeah.

(Rob laughs) - But ultimately, you know, that's the reality of it.

And when I'm doing good things at home, and when I feel like the kids are, you know, we're doing well, we're getting 'em to the farm, getting 'em involved, whatever, I know my professional life is struggling.

I've got 230 emails right now that I haven't read.

You know, so like, that's- - Is that wrong?

(Adrienne laughs) - Is that not how it's supposed to go, right?

No, but yeah, so we try to live our life that way now where we're trying not to beat ourselves up for our shortcomings at this point and just focusing on, you know, we're gonna be good at this thing today, and tomorrow we're gonna be good at another thing, and that's okay.

- Okay, so you have a newly married couple.

Let's just say one of 'em is not from the farm.

What advice would you give 'em?

- Hmm.

(sighs) That's a good question.

- Good luck.

- Yeah, no.

- No.

(laughs) - I think the advice is, I mean, we put a lot of emphasis on the farm, but at the end of the day, you know, it's just making a relationship work.

And you know, the farm is a very important part of our life, but it is not the only part of our life, so.

- Weird.

Huh.

That's nice to hear that.

I like that.

(laughs) - Did you just say weird?

(laughs) - Oh, you know the saying.

What do they say, faith, family, farming in that order, right?

You hear that all the time, faith, family, farming in that order.

- I coined that, by the way.

- Did you?

- Yeah.

- That was you?

- Yeah.

- I feel like...

Okay, I'll buy it.

But how many people really live that way, you know?

How many people like- - Depends on if it's harvest or not.

- Yeah.

- That's what I'm saying.

When you look at your life, if you look back at the month, at the week, at the year, whatever, you know, are you really living with your priorities in that order?

And that is something that I think whether you're married to a farmer or, you know, whatever your situation is, think about your priorities.

If it's that, great.

If your priority is farm first, that's fine, I don't care.

Whatever it is, just know what it is as a couple, as a family, whatever, and go for it.

- Social media, are you guys on anywhere?

- A little bit.

- [Rob] Do you wanna share that?

- I mean, I'm on Facebook.

My page is Sow Hope Grow Hope.

I used to be on Twitter.

- [Rob] Is what?

Sow?

- Sow Hope, S-O-W. - [Rob] Oh, that's clever, sow hope.

- Yeah, Sow Hope Grow Hope, yeah, but I don't do a lot on it right now.

So you can follow me now for like future years maybe.

(Rob and Adrienne laugh) - All right, Adrienne and Drew DeSutter from New Windsor.

- New Windsor.

- Home of the biggest little rodeo.

- Yep.

- Something like that, yeah.

Guys, thanks for all that you do for agriculture, really appreciate it.

Thanks for all that you do for mental health in agriculture.

Yeah, it's fun to see a couple that is working together and in love with each other.

So, yeah, keep picking on each other.

To me, that's the key to success.

- That's right.

- Guys, thank you very much.

Everybody else, we'll catch you next week.

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