Brittney Brackett> Don't push me, 'cause I'm close to the edge.

I'm trying not to lose my head.

Famous lyrics from a well known hip hop song that appropriately describe the feelings of anxiety and stress that our youth face today.

We'll discuss this issue and ways to produce better mental health outcomes in this episode of SCETV's Safe Space.

(upbeat music) ♪ ♪ (music ends) >> Hi, I'm Brittney Brackett, and welcome to this edition of SCETV's Safe Space.

We're here in the heart of the Lowcountry historic Charleston, South Carolina, to discuss the issues of mental health facing our youth.

Our discussion today centers on stress for millions of pre-teen and teenage students the stresses of school in 2024, extends far beyond class schedules, homework, and the lack of time with friends.

The American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and Children's Hospital Association have declared a national state of emergency in children's mental health, Facing concerns of mass shootings, climate change, economic instability, sexual identity and more, many experts would say that preteens and teenagers are in a perfect storm.

Today, we'll hear from students, administrators and mental health professionals as they share their experiences and insights on dealing with stress.

Today, we have with us as our guests, Ms. Carrie Rittle, who is a school psychologist at West Ashley High School, Riley Lovorn, who's a 10th grader here in Charleston.

Dominic Green, who's also a 10th grader here.

Chloe Carras, who's in the eighth grade at Cario Middle School.

Esmeralda Derramona-Silva, who's in the 11th grade, and Mrs. Lakia Johnson-Drayton, who's the assistant director at the Department of Exceptional Children.

Okay, panel.

So, today the topic is navigating stress.

Some of us might be familiar with stress, but what does the word stress mean to you?

It means a lot of things to different people.

So I want to hear how you feel about stress.

Riley> To me, I think stress is like overthinking a lot about things that you shouldn't even be like overthinking about.

Like if you have like a lot of homework, you could be stressed about that.

If you have even family problems, you can be stressed about that.

You can be stressed about anything.

Brittney> So true.

And most times we're stressed about a number of things.

Right?

Not just schoolwork.

Sometimes parents assume that it's just schoolwork or athletics for you guys, but there's so much more to it.

So we'll get back into that in...to us, in a second.

But I want to talk to my ladies here, Ms. Carrie, Mrs. Lakia How have you seen some of your students navigate stress?

What are the signs of them trying to cope with stress?

Ms. Carrie> So every student is going to demonstrate in their own way when they're exhibiting stress.

Some students might shut down.

Some students might have a meltdown in the classroom.

It could look like crying.

It could look like arguing with the teacher.

All of those could be signs of stress.

Some students may not even come to school.

And so there are a lot of signs, but it is our job to keep an eye out for so that we can offer assistance when we see it.

Brittney> That's so important, just to be able to relate in some way, with the student.

What about you, Mrs. Lakia?

Mrs. Lakia> What I would add is that, I think understanding the difference between good stress and bad stress.

Not all stress is bad, and the good stress allows us to be more cautious, you know, when we encounter a dangerous situation.

What I find, students to struggle with, is sometimes, you know, when we talk about generational stress, being a Black woman and all that comes with it, or being a Black student, diversity, the things that all relate to that, what society is telling us, it can become an overwhelming, a sense of withdrawal.

You see that some kids have a tendency to withdraw and then you see those externalizing behaviors.

Typically,... those students are in their youth that, exhibit those externalizing behaviors are easily to identify versus students that withdraw and internalize their stress.

Brittney> Right.

Or they're isolating.

They're, you know, hanging out in their room by themselves, they're scrolling a lot.

What do they call it...?

Doom scrolling.

We've all done it.

No one is.... Look, I'm not safe.

You're not safe.

Like, we're going to talk about it today.

So, how...with all that said...?

It's a lot to unpack.

Okay.

So, how do we begin to balance our daily lives, our activities, the things that make us who we are?

How do we work that into healthy, mental stability?

What do we do?

Dominic Green> I would say you got to find your breaking point.

and then realizing, okay, that's my breaking point, and start to like see where you can have the line right there and not be overwhelmed with any like school or after school activities.

Like, I do, personally, track.

That's... that's difficult, because you have to...have to have to, have a lot of mentality and physical strength to do track because you're basically running 24/7.

And Riley does cross-country.

That's...difficult, too.

And I would say just find your balance between stress and cruising throughout the day, really.

Brittney> So specifically, what do you... because we all have something that's our go to.

Dominic> Yeah.

>> What's your technique?

Like, what's your, your breathing technique?

Do you just kind of like soak in the bathtub?

What are some of the ways that you find your little safe place?

Dominic> Me, personally?

I go fishing.

That's my go to.

Brittney> You go fishing?

Dominic> Yes.

It's just calm and everything, but I think Riley has a good one, though.

Riley> We go to youth (group) together, and I think that's definitely a really big, safe space, because I mean, our church group, we talk about, like, a lot of our problems because it's like a teenage youth.

So they talk about a lot of things that we could be going through.

And we...it's basically like a mini therapy session.

We like read Bible verses.

And we also just like, have an hour of hanging out with all of our friends.

And it's just like a really, really nice time.

Brittney> That's perfect.

Riley> Completely like a break up from stress.

>> Right!

And that's so great that you touched on therapy.

That was a wonderful segue, because I was going to ask..if, I mean, you all are in 8th... as young as 8th grade, 10th grade.

So, therapy, have you tried it?

Would you be willing to try it?

Have any of your friends talked about it, how it's helped them?

Dominic> I would say I've done therapy.

Well, not therapy, like, went to counseling for a few days, because it's sometimes the day can get hard.

And I just want somebody to talk to at the end.

But I personally haven't had too much therapy, but I know Riley had therapy, you know.

Anybody else had...?

Chloe> No.

I...I am currently in therapy and I used to go to Ms.

Brandy during school hours, so there's that.

Brittney> Great.

Dominic> Yeah.

Brittney> That brings me to another part of where we're going to go with this, with school resources.

You know, we let's be honest.

You know, therapy can be expensive.

Okay.

Resources like that can be expensive.

So, my administrators, what resources, not just at your schools, would you recommend or have access to share with some of our students today?

Ms. Carrie> We have so many amazing resources in our schools in Charleston County School District.

Almost every school in the district has a calming room, which is tier one, meaning, it's available to every student.

When they start feeling overwhelmed, it's an opportunity to go calm down, get it back together so that they can return to the classroom, but it builds on top of that.

If that's not enough support, we're a phone call away.

We have somebody that mans the calming room.

After ten minutes, that individual goes in and checks in on the students.

And if the student wants to speak to somebody, it could be a preferred adult, it can be their school counselor, it could be a school psychologist, or social worker, student concern specialist, all the way to some of our schools, even have partnerships with Department of Mental Health and with the Medical University of South Carolina, as well as other therapists in the community.

So we have a lot of support for our students.

Brittney> And these are all... most of them are free resources for students?

Ms. Carrie> Yes.

Brittney> Incredible.

Because, you know, a lot of times that can be a barrier to students receiving the care that they need because they might not be, you know, able to afford services on their own.

They might not want to talk to their family about it because they might be dealing with something at home.

So, Lakia, I want to take this question to you.

Some common misconceptions about how mental health is portrayed in the media, or you know what people may think.

It's the stigma side of it.

Talk to us about that.

Mrs. Lakia> I think the stigma, depending on it's... can be culturally related, with regards to your being vulnerable and you're sharing all of your information to this person and it's like, what are they going to do with that information?

Right.

But to disarm that, I think educating, providing psychoeducation, explaining what disorders look like, and how it manifests different, depending on gender, depending on race, depending on socioeconomic status, is one way to disarm and to build that trust, you know.

That's one thing where I feel like Charleston County School District is prioritizing building relationships with the community so that when they send their kids to our school, because a majority... you spend a majority of your awake hours in the school building, and this is the greatest opportunity to provide them with that wraparound support, Brittney> That's, that's awesome.

And much needed.

And people want to feel as though they feel understood, seen, heard, all the things when you're dealing with this emotional roller- coaster of emotions and just... sometimes you're in a dark place.

So how can we reach out to students and let them know they're not alone?

Going into how you recognize when you need help.

Have you ever had a chance to speak to a student and they didn't realize that they needed some assistance?

What was that like?

Ms. Carrie> Yes.

Of course.

A lot of times, we will have a crisis situation and sometimes that is the first time a student is exposed to all of the support that's in the school, as we'll go through the classrooms to talk to the students that may have been impacted.

A lot of times they'll say, I didn't even know we had a school psychologist, or we didn't know we had a social worker here.

So that right there could be a time where they didn't realize.

And then... they'll show up at my office door later.

And there's also, you know, every time we push into those classrooms, we say, you know, even if you don't need help, but you know your friend does, bring your friend.

And so sometimes, that's all it takes is somebody's best friend or good friend to bring them.

And then we start to talk and we figure out what resources are available and what...how to match them to that students needs.

Brittney> I think that's a great segue into our next point.

So hold tight.

We'll be right back to continue this conversation.

Now, all we know that we often deal about our own sources of stress, but how do we deal with situations that arise when we absorb the burdens of our friends and loved ones?

Let's take a look at Natalie's story.

♪ Natalie Jiron> He was the best dad ever, and he really loved the beach, which is kind of why we moved down here.

I was 15 when we moved.

I did not want to leave my friends.

I loved my life in Maryland.

My dad was sick for a very long time.

I didn't know that.

I mean, he was dealing with being an alcoholic for a very long time.

He hid it really well.

People really stereotype alcoholics to be, you know, mean.

he was the nicest person, the best dad.

Always there for us, you know, never missed a beat.

He was a functioning alcoholic.

So I didn't really notice until he started getting really sick.

He was very lethargic.

He was lying on the couch all the time, falling asleep during conversations.

So he went to the hospital and he was there for about two weeks.

So he got pneumonia.

And after that, everything kind of just went downhill and spiraled and eventually he passed two days before my 17th birthday.

We definitely didn't see it coming because you kind of see, like alcoholics, and you just kind of expect the recovery, like you hear stories and you're like, oh, they went to rehab and they got better.

But that's not always kind of how it goes, but losing him was really hard for me because that was somebody in my life, that was always a hero, like, he was a big part of my life.

He would do anything for me.

A lot is changing when you're a teenager and you're just going through a lot of different things.

Eventually you're going to college, you're trying to make these decisions.

Being a teenager and this happening in a new place was really hard because I didn't really know many people, so I didn't have very many friends that knew him to kind of support me in this, because we weren't really in our home state.

It was very lonely.

Honestly, the biggest thing for me is my memory is really bad.

I don't remember a lot like it's pretty much gone like Thanksgiving, Christmas.

I don't remember any of it.

We eventually did kind of a celebration of life in Maryland later, but it was also during COVID, so we couldn't have a funeral at that time.

And...whenever I was kind of feeling like low or a little bit depressed, I would go to dance class and I would feel a lot better.

I just felt like I could express myself more because I was never really good at the whole, you know, talking about it and everything because for me, I just didn't like feeling sad.

So I was like, okay, let's just let these emotions go and let's just keep moving forward.

And eventually, you know, it all catches up to you.

Personally, I never allowed myself to really sit in it, and I think that's really important to kind of process those emotions, which is hard.

But I think it's really important to kind of feel what's going on.

And that way your memory will be better.

You'll be able to kind of move forward at a slower pace, but it'll be easier and then it won't hit you later.

Grief is so weird, and it, and it works in different ways, and it hits you at different times and you just need to kind of ride the wave.

One of my fears from being a child with a parent that was an alcoholic was people seeing him negatively.

My family, we really didn't want him to be remembered as an alcoholic because that's not really what he was.

That was just a small part of his life.

For me, I was always thinking, oh, I could have said or done something, and I don't think he ever really knew that, I knew he was sick.

And I think I'm at peace with that because that's not who he was.

And he didn't need to know that I thought that of him or I knew that about him because he was my dad and nothing changes that.

♪ All teens experience some amount of stress, but many teens suffer with significant stress levels that rival that of adults.

The results of the Stress in America survey show that there are some common sources of stress in teen population: academic stress, social stress, world events, traumatic events, and family discord, much like Natalie's experience.

So I want to pose a question to you, Mrs. Lakia.

Brittney> What are some of the issues that you have seen students talk about with issues from home?

How do they bring that in to you and unpack that?

Mrs. Lakia> How do they bring that in?

So I've been removed from the school, as assistant director.

So I have limited interactions.

I come in when there's a crisis situation.

But what I've seen as a school psychologist in the past, is more so a concern, like, for those that are living in poverty.

I'm sorry.

Brittney> No.

It's okay.

I know this is...it's not easy to address all these topics because we're trying to help so many people.

Mrs. Lakia> Yes.

>> With a subject that can be overwhelming just by itself.

So let me ask you in a couple of different ways, and I can open this up to everybody too.

So, some strategies that help you stay mentally strong, you know, despite what may be going on at home, despite your athletics being on the debate team, I know I did that when I was in high school.

I was student body president a long time ago, long, long time.

But I remember being stressed and overwhelmed at the age of 15, 16, 17.

So what does that feel like to you?

And what is your go to, your go to person, Your safe space, your safe person?

Riley> I personally, I start off by, I'll call my friends.

Usually we have a group chat and we all call, and we Facetime.

We talk about things, and usually we'll do like a...group prayer.

We'll pray about it.

And then we'll meet up and we'll just, like, talk about things.

And I think talking about it just in itself really helps.

Brittney> Like a small group.

Riley> Yeah.

Brittney> I know that works for me with some coffee.

Throw some coffee in there, I'm good to go.

Esmeralda?

Esmeralda> A way I tend to cope with stress is like separating yourself when you need to, when you know you reached your breaking point, you go and just do something else because you can come back to it and deal with it later, But you have to put yourself first, your mental health first, and I think that's the way to do it.

Brittney> Amen.

Sometimes, you just need a breather.

Esmeralda> Yes you do.

Brittney> You just have to take that and sit with it and just go somewhere else and sit with it in another place.

Nothing wrong with that.

Mrs. Lakia> Adults do that too.

>> Yes.

Mrs. Lakia> Like our coping mechanisms can be shared.

And I find that when you're building a relationship, whether that's with your family, your parents, or even your educators, you know, your teachers or what not, it's important to use them.

You know, as a sounding board.

And I feel like, again, building relationships is the foundation of everything.

You know, we weren't meant to do life alone.

And so sometimes you have to lean on each other.

Brittney> That's such a great segue, because building healthy relationships helps prevent some of the stress.

Mrs. Lakia> Yes.

Brittney> So any advice for students that are especially transferring from middle school to high school?

That's a tough one.

Any advice for how they can navigate those waters?

Ms. Carrie> Definitely.

I always tell every single student have five people in your life, five adults that you know you can talk to about anything, at home and at school.

And then we even go through listing them.

You know, who is your school counselor?

If they don't know the school counselor, we go down and we meet the school counselor.

Then we talk about coaches.

We talk about parents, the school nurses.

Our nurses are amazing with our students.

There are so many amazing adults in the building.

And so it's, it's literally actually asking them to go through and figure out who they have to build better relationships with, because the better their relationships they are with adults, the better they are with friends and ultimately with themselves.

We know every single relationship stems from the relationship you have with yourself, and so, just building that resiliency and that relationship with adults...primary.

Brittney> So well said.

Mrs. Lakia> Okay, let's add to that.

I have a 15 year old, and one of my charge for him, one of the things that I promote is for him to expand his social group.

So not always stick to the people that look like you, talk like you, sound like you, but expand it to include folks that don't because that's how we learn and grow as humans.

Brittney> That's a great point.

You know, I know a lot of friends that have gone to all different types of colleges.

You know, everything from HBCU's.

They've gone across the country, but they always say that they have friends back home that they stay in contact with because they might have grown up with them.

And that's kind of like their go to special safe space, safe person.

But as you get older, you get a job, you might transfer to another place.

You, you always have to navigate those sometimes strange feeling waters of meeting new people, networking.

I don't know if you all go to networking events, but it can be... and not so fun sometimes because you're feeling awkward.

So, stress sometimes can make I know for myself, make me feel as though I'm alone or I feel like nobody else is going through this but me, which is false.

So what advice do you have for parents?

You know, we're talking about students.

We've talked, we've talked about you all, but we want to talk to your parents too, and eventually to the audience.

But what advice do you have for parents and students?

You can jump in, too.

What do you think your parents should know about how you deal with stress and how they can help you with that?

Riley> I think that whenever you tell your parents things, sometimes you don't want to tell them because you're afraid they'll be mad.

So I think there should be like a rule between like, a kid and their parent that if you need to tell them something that's important, that they don't get mad at you and they just...listen and no matter what, don't get mad at you.

Brittney> Don't judge me for what I'm about to say.

Dominic> Yeah, >> Don't kill the messenger, right?

Dominic> Yeah, I would say, like, I tell my dad everything.

But he, he, I... when I tell my dad, usually he gives, honestly, the best advice.

So, it's, like, he's one of the people that I go to, when I have some problems or like, I don't know, some issues going on with friends or school and stress.

And he'll give me the best advice since, you know, he's the only one there, really, Chloe> Personally, for me, I think I need to work on being more open with my parents because it's not always easy to talk to them.

Brittney> It's not.

It can be tough.

Yeah.

Esmeralda> I speak to both of my parents openly, and I tell them everything, and they both give me good and really heart, like..., heartfelt advice.

And it's like, get your act straight, do what you have to do and then get out of there because you're here for one thing, and nobody else is going to worry about you.

You have to worry about your own self.

So, you have to do whatever is best for you.

Brittney> That's some tough love.

And how do you receive that?

I mean, you know, each of you said different things about your parents.

Like I said before, your 8th grade, 10th grade.

Are you looking forward to that relationship getting better as you go off to school, college, potentially?

Chloe> For me, my relationship the past few years because of my mental health struggles has been rocky with my parents.

So I'm trying to work on making the relationship better with them.

Brittney> Great.

I would say my- Mrs. Lakia> -Sorry I just want to say thanks for your vulnerability.

Esmeralda> I would say my personal goal is to make that relationship stronger, you know, distance, not having distance like run through that, you know, just making it stronger.

Yes.

Brittney> What they say, Absence makes the heart grow fonder sometimes.

I found that out when I moved out.

You know.

But, but I love my parents and I understand that it's that tough love.

It's because they've been there.

They've seen that.

They've done that.

Right.

So they just want to help.

But, going back to friends and, how you deal with certain issues, I want to talk about trauma, okay, because that also goes back to the generational side since we're talking about parents.

So what are some things that you have seen in your careers, ladies where generational trauma has been an issue for a student, maybe siblings that attend the same school?

How have you helped them cope with that?

Ms. Carrie> We do see it all the time.

You know, the sad thing about generational trauma, is a lot of times, the same way the parent copes with their stress is identical to the way the student is coping.

Brittney> Right.

>> And so, you know, our primary client in the schools are our students.

But there are times where we are involved with the entire family and what that looks like is truly connecting them to whatever support it is.

And so it could look like family counseling, while we're working with the student at the school.

But yeah, we do see it.

Brittney> My goodness.

I mean, we're dealing with all sorts of things on a daily basis, and your environment has a lot to do with the emotions that you harbor.

So that's why I wanted to ask about that, because some, some students have been dealing with it for so long, they don't even realize how deep it goes.

So, difficult experiences.

I know you don't want to get into anything too personal, but what's something that you've seen a friend maybe go through that you've helped them with, something that you're kind of navigating yourself here and there, something that, that you're growing with right now?

Esmeralda> Okay, I can go.

I have a friend who... broke her relationship trust with her parents, and she's trying to work through it, but because of that distrust with the parents, they don't really trust her like that.

And I think parents need to understand that you're going to make mistakes even with the advice that you are given, but not everybody is going to continue to keep trying.

So I think parents just need to understand that it's not the first time we're going to make this mistake and it won't be the last, but they need to understand, like just be there.

Chloe> To add on to that, I have a friend that's pretty much going through the same thing, and I agree with all the points you're making.

Yeah, and about the parents too, like, yeah, mistakes will happen.

And that's something personally I deal with.

I make lots of mistakes over and over, and that's something I'm trying to get better with.

So... Brittney> We've all been there like, I'm a little older than you, and I've, I've repeated a couple of mistakes here and there.

So, we have to learn through it and break those, those cycles.

So...

...I'm talking about parents because we come from parents like, we're made from mom, dad, you know, all the things.

So, communication, my administrators, what do you advise for parents and students to have better communication so that we don't have to deal with the generational trauma, we don't have to deal with the pain and the neglect and the hurt?

Ms. Carrie> Yeah.

Listening.

I'm sorry.

I would say listening, putting the phones down when you're having a conversation, looking at each other in the eye, maybe it's a walk and talk.

I know adolescents talk so much better if we're walking, if we're in the middle, if we're moving our body, walking through the halls or walking around the outside of the building.

But as far as with parents and students, just listening to one another is, you know, I always tell my kids, we have two ears for a reason.

Just one- Brittney> -One mouth.

Ms. Carrie> Right.

I think we've all heard that.

But truly listening to one another, undivided attention.

Brittney> Okay.

Lakia?

Mrs. Lakia> I would add, my son reminds me, my boys reminds me that, I was born in the 1900s and they're in the 2000s, and that, things are different.

(laughing) And I create space to learn from them.

I think that gives them the momentum and the encouragement to kind of like, want to be around me, because sometimes they're in that stage where, you know, they're in their room, they want don't want to be bothered, but understand that communication, that interaction doesn't have to be 30 minutes.

It can be five minutes here, two minutes there, and it adds up.

And then maybe one day they do want to take, go on a walk with you or go riding the bike with you.

Just remain open.

And remember, we're not you know, there is a, there's a generation gap there.

And you mentioned something about generational trauma, and I didn't have an opportunity to touch on that.

And I do want to.

I think depending on your culture, your background, we parent based on that.

Right?

As a Black woman raising two Black boys, I parent out of fear, you know, because of what society...

So I'm very mindful of their, their well-being and so forth because that's my way of protecting, but they don't see it.

So understanding and having that conversation is important to address that.

So I'm not pushing my anxiety... stress onto them, and we're learning together.

Brittney> That's great.

Learning together, being together.

I'm a grown up and I still every now and then, just walk up to my mom and just put my head on her shoulder.

So we'll get back to that in just a second.

But as part of the human experience, we all deal with the curves that life throws our way.

But how do we survive the truly traumatic events that cause debilitating, stress filled moments?

This is a story of Raine.

♪ Misty Garrett> My son, Keianthony and Raine were best buddies.

She looked up to him so much.

So when Keianthony went away, it was exceptionally hard for her.

Raine> We got a call that my brother was, suspected for a murder.

And being a seven year old, it wasn't really like, it didn't really hit me because, like, okay, I know my brother wouldn't do that, you know.

And then on his 21st birthday, my mom sat us all down.

It was the day before his trial, and she told us that he wouldn't come home, that he was taking a plea deal of life without parole, without the possibility of parole.

I remember the first time going to see him was after my eighth birthday, and it didn't really hit me until then.

Seeing him on the TV screen, it was like, "Dang, I can't touch my brother!"

♪ May 24th, 2017, my brother got set up and he got killed.

He was shot multiple times from the back.

And they left him there and he was found closer to the morning.

Misty> Antonio was in a vehicle parked sitting on the side of the street.

We don't know why.

We don't know who.

And I know that that's hard for her because there's no closure.

Because she doesn't know why her brother is gone.

Raine> So it was kind of like "dang, like, I just lost a brother last year, and I'm losing another one now, so... it was just, like a moment in shock, really.

Misty> During that time, she would have panic attacks.

She had a lot of nightmares.

She kind of withdrew from the outside world.

Not the family, but the outside world, because there were so many people who knew what was going on with her, one brother, and they were very judgmental.

And so in order to keep from having to hear those things and having to go through those things, she kind of withdrew.

She was just really sad just turning it in on herself.

Ebbie Henderson> Grief is a lifelong process.

It is something that transforms our norm.

We're never the same after we lose somebody that we love and adore.

I advise clients, even just regular people, when it comes to grief.

Don't box it in.

Don't put a time limit on it.

Don't feel like it has to look like somebody else's grief.

Your relationship with that person is your own, and it needs to flow the way it needs to for you.

Raine> Between the ages of 12 and 14, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and that was like a really hard time, especially growing up in the pandemic.

After my 13th birthday was whenever the stress got like really bad, especially going through puberty and there being bullies and being bullied online for things like, the things that my brother was in prison for.

I used to cut myself and burn myself, and then I would go on social media, and these accounts, they would tell me, oh, it's okay, because it's helping you.

If you're going through this, it's okay to do that because it's helping you.

So it was just they were provoking it.

Ebbie> Unfortunately, social media will negatively influence teens and adults to believe that something that is not okay, is okay.

An example of that is when we're talking about self-harm.

If someone's saying that self-harm is healing, we have to one, first and foremost see exactly what their source is.

Who is this person and what is their profession.

Because sometimes it's just their opinion.

It is a release maybe for them, but they can negatively be impacting someone else because technically speaking, psychologically speaking, it is not a healing thing.

It is the deflection.

It is harm.

It's called self-harm for a reason.

Misty> When I found out, I talked to her, and explained to her that I used to do the same thing.

♪ We physically share our scars.

Raine> ...and I just knew that I had to stop.

I had to find something new to be able to help me, because I didn't want to hurt the people around me anymore.

I didn't get into therapy until I was 14.

And at the time, like being younger, 12, 13, I didn't want to go into therapy because I didn't want to be put on medicine.

My older sister was put on medicines for depression and anxiety and like watching her go through the stages of not wanting to get out of bed and feeling like a zombie.

So I was scared to want to have help.

I was scared to ask for help, because I didn't want to feel like a zombie.

I already felt like that every day, you know?

So, it was really scary going into therapy.

But, whenever I did, it took a couple of case managers, a couple of different people to talk to, to really be able to open up.

Misty> I've watched Raine go from having 3 or 4 panic attacks a day, to maybe, once every couple of weeks or once a month.

She's been on the basketball team and I know that, that was amazing for her because it gave her an outlet to just be a kid.

Raine> My mom helped me more than anything.

My mom is my world.

Like, I don't know where I would be without my mom.

Today, I'm good.

Basketball has really helped me.

I've found support systems, friends.

You know, I have outlets.

Like, I go to my notes and I go play basketball.

I go on runs, you know?

So it's really, I've came a long way, especially since moving to South Carolina.

The advice that I would give is surround yourself with people that care about you.

Surround yourself with people that will be there for you and not judge you for anything you're going through.

Talk to people.

Don't be scared to ask for help and you will make it through.

Brittney> Welcome back to SCETV Safe Space: Navigating Stress.

We now are going to take some questions from our audience, but before we do that, I'd like to introduce two of our administrators that are in the audience, as well.

Ms.

Brandy Parkhurst, who is a mental health and wellness coach, and Ms. Allie Tronoski, who's a school counselor at Baptist Hill Middle High.

So ladies, we'll kick off with you.

Tell us a little bit about your experience and maybe have a question for our panel.

If you have a statement, however, you'd like to start.

Brandy> Well, I am new to the school system as an official school employee, but I've been a member of the community working with the schools for quite a while, and as a newer person, it has been very inspiring for me to see the different levels of support that are offered at the school and all of the different ways that they identify the kids that are experiencing stress.

And sending out those feelers and saying, hey, you need to check on so and so.

Hey, so and so wasn't quite right today.

Maybe you should check on this person.

And it's been really just empowering to see how they wrap services around each kid and try to give them what they need at that time.

Brittney> And that makes a difference, every time.

What about you, my dear?

Allie> I think being a school counselor I'm kind of like that first part of the wraparound.

We're the ones that see the kids right when they walk on the hallway, That enables us to, like you said, help them find their preferred person and, and even push out further with more if they need community resources.

I think we support the teachers in helping them navigate mental health in the classroom and students that have stress and anxiety.

I think just being a support for everyone in the building is more our position.

Brittney> Well, thank you all so much for your work.

We appreciate it so much.

Now, questions from our audience.

We'd love to hear from you, for our panel for our administrators, any questions, any experiences you'd like to share?

Guest #1> This question is for the panel and the adults, as well as the students.

What would you tell your 15, 16 year old self, or perhaps what would you tell your middle school self and when it comes to dealing with stress and anxiety?

Brittney> Good question.

What would you tell your 16 year old self?

What advice would you give them how to deal with some stress?

Mrs. Lakia> I would say, slow down girl.

That is what I would say.

Slow down and provide margin of error.

You know, I think growing up it was pushed that you need to go to college, you need to do this, you need to do that.

And I had people telling me who I was, you know, I didn't take a step back and try to find myself.

So I would say, pause.

Pause.

Riley> I would tell my middle school self probably just to like, stop trying to fit in so hard because I was in middle school and I was really struggling to just like because I was quiet throughout middle school and I still am, but less now, but throughout middle school, I was just trying my best to like, get into the group and not stand out at all.

So I would tell myself, just be yourself a bit more and like... Yeah.

Brittney> Being yourself is important.

I remember for a long time I fought being quirky, when I was your age, a long, long time ago.

But, but, Ms. Carrie, I want to know how you feel about this.

Because, you know, as administrators, I know the two of you, you're just doing such a great job today.

But I do want to hear what you would tell your 16 year old self.

Ms. Carrie> I would tell that girl to slow down, just like Lakia mentioned.

I would tell her to focus, to focus on the moment, focus on the present, to feel the breath moving through her lungs, to just be.

It's okay to be uncomfortable.

Life is uncomfortable.

Sometimes we need to breathe into that discomfort to find comfort.

So ultimately, it's very similar to what Mrs. Lakia said.

Yeah.

Slow it down and breathe.

Brittney> Thank you so much, Ms. Carrie.

Mrs. Lakia for the feedback.

Excellent, as always.

In the audience, we have a question.

Guest #2> Thank you.

This question is for the students.

What is one thing that you wish adults in your schools knew about the things you were experiencing that was contributing to stress?

Brittney> That's a good question.

Riley> I think a big thing is the teachers need to communicate more with homework because they all give homework on the same day, and it's just a lot.

Brittney> Oh wow!

>> That's impossible to get done all by the due date sometimes.

Dominic> I feel like Ms. Rittle and Mr. Langford have it down like they, they saw me struggling and they said, what's wrong?

And then I opened up to them.

And then they said, that's, that's how you do it and that's how you manage.

So they got it down in West Ashley, honestly.

(laughing) Brittney> I was going to say shout out to your teachers because I thought you we're about to blast them.

Dominic> Oh no!

(laughing) Brittney> That's great that you had a positive report.

Glad to hear that.

>> So for me, something that like causes stress, is that our guidance counselors don't move up with us.

So you have to re-learn how to trust people, which personally for me is hard because it, it takes a while to actually be able to trust someone enough to open up to them.

Brittney> That's a good point, Chloe.

All> It is.

Brittney> Good point.

I have never thought about that.

Dominic> It's a good one.

Brittney> That is, that is definitely something that hopefully someone listening will be able to take into consideration for the next level of students at their school.

So, kudos to you for that feedback.

Yes... Esmeralda> Something that adults in our school should know is that they might also be the cause of our stress.

Oh, like they need to let that sink in, like, wait, your workload is the reason I have to work myself even more to get you the grades that you expect me to get.

Brittney> Burn.

But that's true.

Dominic> I have something to add to on that.

I feel like the teachers and how they treat you, Because if a teacher has a bad, bad seeing on you, it kind of ruins you, because either, you can't go to that teacher when you have missing work because you know the answer is going to be no, or just, just the teachers, in general.

I don't have nothing bad to say on my teachers, but I see a lot of students with that, like teachers.

I wouldn't say hate, but dislike them in a way.

And...they struggle in that class and they don't want to excel in that class because of that teacher.

And I would definitely say that's a big problem.

Honestly.

Brittney> And we've all been there, you know, math wasn't my big subject.

Dominic> Nope.

Here.... >> And I, I struggle with that.

But I did have one math teacher that was fabulous and helped...

It was the highest grade I've ever made in math in my whole life because he took the time.

And that does make the difference.

So, you're absolutely right.

Chloe> For me personally, adding on to what he said, yeah, some teachers will favorite students other, over other students, which kind of makes me mad sometimes because like, you're setting us up for failure when you do that.

Brittney> I'm sure they don't do it on purpose.

Esmeralda> Adding on to the adults, it's not just specific teachers.

It could also be administrators or some of us here who play sports, coaches.

The way they treat us also adds stress.

So not only do we have a workload, but we have something that we decided to sign up for, but that isn't going the right way, which would make us think like, what are we doing here?

If I'm going to put myself in a situation with stress, I might as well leave because I know it's not good for me.

Brittney> Interesting point, Esmeralda.

Ms. Lakia> I'd like to just add to that, I think what's important to remember is that sometimes conflict is inevitable.

You know, you're going to go through life not liking someone and not being able to have a good relationship, but it's navigating that, having those skills to when you are in college and you have so many courses, I'm pretty sure the professors aren't going to talk to each other and say, let's have a test here, let's have a test there.

But it's about planning and prioritizing and that's something that the school that we can help you with.

Brittney> All right.

Great feedback as always from my panel, but we have a question in the audience Guest #3> Like, what emotions do you feel?

Like, who do you express yourselves to?

You know, who do you really talk to at the end of the day?

Because I know, with, you know, there's some things that we tell you guys maybe could, you know, maybe, really make you think, so.

Who do you guys go to?

Brittney> Great question.

Ms. Lakia> An amazing question.

>> Yes.

Ms. Lakia> Thank you for asking that.

And, you know, who cares for the caregiver, right, or those that support others?

For me, I go to my husband and my kids.

They're my safety net and, and my girlfriends, you know, I have a...it's good to have a support system, as I mentioned earlier, it takes a village.

We were never meant to do life alone.

And then also, my fellow school psychologists, you know, we work with each other sometimes when there is a crisis situation at a school, you know, someone from another school comes to support, the, you know, those staff that's at the school that were impacted by, whatever stress.

Carrie?

Ms. Carrie> I was going to say the exact same thing.

A lot of times we go to each other.

We process a lot of information, like you said.

And some of it can be pretty intense and pretty deep.

And so, we, we use each other as support as well as support at home.

Ms.

Brandy is also at West Ashley with me, and so we process a lot.

What a great question.

Brittney> All right.

Thank you all so much for that feedback.

I'm learning more and more from our audience, from our panel.

And as we get ready to dive in, in just a second, I do want to learn more about your personal wellness plan, what you do as your daily mantra to deal with your stress.

Okay, we'll get back to that in a second.

SCETV's Safe Space continues to broaden its reach throughout communities across the state.

Recently, we had a chance to spend a day filled with energizing and empowering activities designed to spread the positive message that mental health matters.

(upbeat music) ♪ ♪ (hip hop music) Desiree Cheeks> All Girls Empowerment Conference was a day of girls from all over the state coming to attend workshops and hear women that they could consider role models, women they could look up to and consider mentors.

Just to hear them speak and provide encouragement and enlightenment and kind of be poured into for the day.

♪ Raven Favor> It was a conference and a day filled with young ladies to empower each other.

You know, you had distinguished women, on leadership, and you also had young ladies, you know, making friendships and, just being there, supportive of each other.

Desiree> SCETV's Safe Space was there that day, to kind of catch some of the girls as they were coming through, heading to workshops, coming in for the day?

And we really wanted to stop the girls and talk to them about, you know, finding their safe space, hand them some worksheets, talk to their parents, and really just let them know that, you know, we're here, we have this show, we have this program, and we're trying to talk to you, get your thoughts about it.

And we were there to provide an opportunity for girls to really think about what their safe space was and, to kind of reflect on where they are in their mental health journey.

Raven> It's important for Safe Space to be at a lot of, events around South Carolina because of the community initiative that we have, you know, to talk about youth and mental health.

This is something that has been happening, you know, that's been plaguing for years, but it was also highlighted more so during COVID.

And so having Safe Space, at different events like this around the state, is crucial to the state of mental health within our community.

Desiree> The biggest question that we got was, you know, what is this and what is Safe Space?

And that was a great opportunity for us to tell them about the initiative and about how we're trying to get into communities around the state and help them help parents and students, trying to start the conversation and, find services that are local to them to really assist with, being able to freely express their mental health struggles with someone they consider safe.

Raven> This is a little bit more of my why of what I'm doing.

I never thought that mental health would be something that I would be advocating for or being...

I'm not going to say the face of, but just one of those, I guess, middle parties to help people get the help that they need, so to speak.

And, it's just been something that has been very fulfilling and just very insightful because with me helping someone else, I'm helping myself in turn as well.

Desiree> It gave me joy to see girls, you know, come up to the table, who may be a little bit shy, but then once we start talking to them about what we're offering and what we're trying to do, and the kinds of things that we're trying to get them to talk about, seeing them open up and kind of let down their guard a little bit and being like, you know, yeah, this is my safe space, taking time to, do our activity at the table, and, you know, be comfortable posting up what their safe space was on the wall.

Really thinking about that and kind of taking that knowledge home that they have identifies something that they feel safe when they can, when things get hard or something they can turn to, that gave me a lot of fulfillment, just from not having that as a child myself, because as much as we say that, yes, we can talk about it, as much information as there is out there, we still don't know who that information isn't reaching.

So to be able to have that face to face and kind of see the lights turn on for someone, that really just makes that all worth it, every single time, never fails.

And that's, local.

Brittney> All right, everyone.

So I told you before the break, that I wanted to hear your personal mantras, your routine, your mindfulness...way of life.

Like, what do you do to get through stress in your daily lives?

Ms. Carrie?

Ms. Carrie> I practice yoga and meditation daily.

It is some form of just moving your body, breathing, sinking your breath to your movement, settles your nervous system, activates the parasympathetic response, which is the complete opposite of stress.

Brittney> Parasympathetic response.

I like that.

Riley> When I wake up, I start my day with a prayer and then whenever I have like a meet in cross-country or a race, throughout the whole race, I just pray the whole time and it takes my mind off of the pain that I'm in and I'm able to go faster.

And it just like even, the physical pain, it just distracts me until I'm at the end of the race, and then every night I pray, too, and that's just like it's like a little therapy session with...God.

Brittney> That's so good, so necessary.

Dominic.

Dominic> I, I will we, my friend group, we do a Bible study, and I felt like that leaves a lot of stress.

And then, when I'm in track, during practice and those hard practices during the days, I just push myself.

I say, you got this.

God's with you.

You keep on pushing.

You don't give up on yourself just because you think you're done and you just keep on moving forward.

And I say you live day by day.

Don't live in the past.

Live in the future or live in the present.

Brittney> I like that.

Those affirmations make a difference.

I mean, you get up, you know, and you might be on 10 miles per hour, and then you hit a couple of those affirmations and you be on 30, 35.

Chloe?

Chloe> Personally, for me, I kind of turn it into a competition with myself.

So, I like when I'm at rugby, when we're...we do like sprints and up downs.

So when we're doing that, I kind of turn it into competition with other people, and then by, when I'm by myself, I'll say, you can do better than you did yesterday.

And it's kind of internalizing that if you did something wrong yesterday, it can always go better.

Brittney> I love that.

Pound it from here.

(laughing) I love that.

Esmeralda?

Esmeralda> that I cope with my stress is I think that it's not just me that's going through it.

Like there's so many different ways.

I actually haven't found my way.

I've gone through so many paths, but nobody talks that, hey, this is my way.

No.

Some people just don't find it.

It takes time to get there.

So you can either do this, do that, do this.

But what I've been working with, it's recently just, thinking out loud.

You say it out loud, you hear, what you're thinking.

and it's like it helps you like, okay, I have to do this because I said, I'm going to do this.

I plan for this.

I'm going to prepare for this, preparation for it.

That's how I go.

Brittney> Great advice.

And Mrs. Lakia, we'll finish with you.

Mrs. Lakia> So, routine.

You mentioned routine.

I have mindful coffee moments every morning with my cup or mug.

I have coffee every morning outside.

Regardless of how cold it is, how hot it is.

I'm out there drinking my coffee.

And then I find myself like my foundation, you know, believing in a higher power prayer has helped me, as well.

So those are my two things, my two things.

Brittney> These are all beautiful.

Thank you all so much.

I moved, I'm filled for you being with us, today, and I hope to get a chance to hang with you again soon.

For more on the stories you've just seen, visit our website at scetv.org/safespace and don't forget to follow us on social media at South Carolina ETV on Facebook and Instagram and SCETV on Twitter.

From all of us here at SCETV Safe Space I'm Brittney Brackett.

Good night and thank you so much for watching.

(applause) (upbeat music) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪