Good evening.

My name is Kate there.

And I'm with the North Carolina division of mental health developmental disabilities and substance abuse services.

Thank you all for being here this evening and joining us for.

The sea in scoop for compassion or scoop for stress management we're going to be talking about compassion.

This evening.

This is one of our our series of 5 we actually did 6.

1st 1 talking about or vaccine initiative than just an introduction to stress management.

>> Really I'm so excited to be here talking with doctor Carrie Brown with pastor Mike.

Doctor might carry and Maria zuluaga.

She was a licensed mental health and family therapist.

I want to thank PBS North Carolina and the governor's Institute for continuing this partnership to bring you all the scoop for stress management.

The school for stress management is an evidence-based practice model for managing stress.

So if you're looking at your screen it here your screen right now you'll see our graphic there.

So the U.S. in scoop stands for stay connected to friends and family.

See compassion for yourself and others.

Observe your use of substances.

Okay to ask for help it's very brief to ask for help.

And P physical activity to improve your mood we also have the hope for Insee Helpline for those of you too are looking for resources.

On resiliency and other community-based supports that you may need.

So there are actions that you can take when you're stressed out we we're going to get more into those this evening.

But we want to just emphasize the divisional like to emphasize that taking care of your mental health is really part of taking care of your quarter physical health so we think about the whole mind whole body.

Relationship.

It's important for us to address those health issues when we're stressed and when we're not stressed.

So tonight again going back to compassion how do we cultivate compassion for ourselves and for others.

So this is a really nice quote I realized that imagination is not just the catalyst of art, it's also the catalyst of compassion imagination is the shortest distance between 2 people 2 cultures, 2 ideologies to experiences and that's going to end oil from her book contained.

Something we can go the next line.

We hope that you take early this evening, a better sense of what compassion is what empathy is how we can have compassion for ourselves how we can have compassion for others.

We're going to have a nice dialogue about cultivating compassion and will hopefully you will use the chat on facebook to engage with us on what compassion means to you and we're going to talk a little bit about compassion and community care in that discussion.

Next slide.

Just some background I think a lot of us are feeling stress right now it's a pretty normal reaction to stressful situations.

This is a slide that tells us some of the data.

Reported in June of 2020 40% of us adults.

Reported that they were struggling with their mental health or substance use.

31% reported symptoms of anxiety or depression.

13% had started or increased substance use.

26% reported trauma or stress related disorder symptoms and 11% had seriously considered suicide or self-harm we look to our team the community engagement and empowerment team at the division looked into these numbers again.

That number for anxiety and depression at the end of December was reported up to 37%.

That's that's relatively high for that population that was participating in that study and that should be that should.

Give us some concern and something we should talk about a stress and anxiety can go to the next line.

So we're also going to talk about how we feel stress.

A lot of times we feel stress in our bodies.

This is a quote from the body keeps the score.

And it's we have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place some time in the past.

It's also the imprint left by the experience on mind brain and body.

So when we think about stress.

And we think about anxiety and depression.

We maybe have a physical reaction so I always go back to what is what are we feeling right now and maybe we can get some responses in the chat this evening.

What when you think about the last year, what is your body reaction how how do you feel in your body.

I know from me as a parent try to work from home trying to do remote learning the same time.

Trying to support just the everyday household needs.

I felt a real sense of depletion.

And trying to balance work life family life make sure my kids are feeling healthy and they're taking care of and it can be really really exhausting.

Doctor Brown do you think you could help us understand a little bit better.

What is happening to our bodies when we feel stress.

>> Sure okay I think getting hear your point is very well taken that we.

We hold stress physically in our bodies and actually so that we really have to teach ourselves to be observant.

Because it it it in our society that these days doesn't come naturally to sort of feel and you know feel your body and say where by carrying the tension.

Where where what you know what I mean feel stressed out, but we don't actually physically feel stressed out.

It's you know, it's very common for people that are experiencing stress to have headaches to feel not just to have sleep disruption.

And you know.

The good news is that there's treatment for for all of this but part of it is that we have to just be really honest with ourselves when we are feeling stressed.

You know one of the really simple things that you can do to sort of reset your body is what we call belly, breathing and I am not an expert at this time going to try.

I will try to show you how to do it and then you can Google it but what I can tell you today I can't I can't explain is how it works >> it's actually super cool so when you normally breeze most of us.

Breve where you breathe in your stomach goes in when you take a deep breath in.

Any and when you do that you actually don't fix fully expand your lungs.

So the key is to try to breathe it's almost counterintuitive so takes a little practice, but you basically take a deep breath in and your belly goes out and you can put your hand on your belly and actually feel it to make sure.

As you're taking a deep breath in.

And your belly actually sinks back in when you breathe out.

So breathing in.

And breathing out I promise there are some much better Google out our facebook and you know methods and in doing that, but but here's what happens physiologically so what happens to the logically it's when you do belly breathing or deep breathing.

What you do is you expand your diaphragm to your diaphragm is at the bottom you kind of beneath your love and you fully expand your lives and your diaphragm you know instead of being like this gets loops well.

Can't might it well it goes because flatter put this man's instead of it being kind of curved up like this.

It goes it goes as flat as it can to its expanding the space.

What's important about that is when your diaphragm is fully extended it actually triggers.

Something called a vagus nerve and the vagus nerve is a really powerful nerve within the body it it carries or what we call our parasympathetic nervous system so if you think about it the sympathetic nervous system.

It is what what happens when you've got a bear chasing you write it's the fight or flight your heart rate goes up.

You get your gear you feeling extreme stress.

Your parasympathetic nervous system is sort of like the the body's natural balance and your parasympathetic nervous system actually lowers your heart rate.

It decreases your breathing rate.

And in fact actually if you get really good the belly breathing you have to be a little bit careful because you can make yourself really sleepy so that's the that's the key there so that the biggest nerve basically you have triggers in your brain the sort of activation of this parasympathetic nervous system.

I don't know if any of our our colleagues on the on the call want to you know want to jump in.

With either they either their personal experiences with practicing that or if they.

Have have other tips for explaining it.

>> I was actually going to ask Maria if she could jump in.

Maria is also trained in several areas, including trauma and resiliency and yoga practice.

Trauma informed yoga and site should be somebody to talk to and maybe she can give us some insight too.

>> Well thank you very much and it is my honor to be with you tonight doctor Al you did a really great explanation as they easy to understand and then >> yes fall I will also add that to really actually held.

With that I was standing next to assist them.

>> We will benefit greatly from making the arrest over those red X's sizes practice it daily practice.

So that when we we need them.

They are our resource I particularly have had a great experience and I can tell you I say that.

Learning.

Mindfulness learning breathing thing makes.

Be a lifesaver for me.

So I started practice and weaving.

I tie we needed.

This critical time doing my career or which I and other loved it.

And started to get curious about that that later in years ago, I also had a traumatic experience yeah, my brain injury and I I learned a lot of hours.

How when and where it is the property to a practice that weaving and how is that that helps us talk to date.

Well being what's our physical emotional.

Cognitive spiritual socialites.

Throughout that learning and also learn it by some learning is when not do it all and how to prevent also.

But when could we put ourselves at risk.

If we do not serve.

It's chilly how we practice in that rest.

>> That makes a lot of sense.

Thank you.

Pastor Mike from that spiritual perspective.

Maybe you could talk a little bit about how we we're going to definitely go more into compassion and empathy but maybe you could provide us some feedback on the the spiritual aspect of of breathing techniques and mindfulness.

>> I think doctor Brown explained it very very well so thank you doctor Brown and you know in terms of getting centered for prayer, deep breathing is so very helpful and one of the things that I do when I'm entering into a state of prayer as I like to have my palms open in a spirit of receiving.

As I enter into that time of prayer to receive from God.

The blessings that God is going to share.

I do find the deep breathing so helpful to get center.

And to also in that process empty out some of the stress of the day.

>> Yeah, absolutely so posture and.

>> You're kind of preparing your space preparing your mind preparing your body for the exercise of Reese entering yourself Center in your breath Center in your mind.

>> I think that's a really good way for us to move to the next line and we're going to talk a little bit more about compassion and empathy so if we can go to the next.

This one actually before we get that this is a really good one.

When we did this one of my colleagues Stacy came up with this way of explaining this since you have to kind of visualize yourself standing inside of a hula hoop.

Some economists are hula hoop.

Him injury.

>> So what is in my control right the things are in my control the things that I have responsibility for.

>> Are the things are inside my hula hoop, my words, my actions, my behavior, my efforts.

My own mistakes my response to my surroundings and I things are outside of my hula hoop are the things that are outside of my control this actually this also has given to us by one of our our rap facilitators and Cheryl judge unfortunately has passed away in this last year but she shared this graphic with me and it was it is really resonates with me that's like will of course everything outside of of that hula hoop that circle other people's words other people's actions, other people's mistakes or other people's ideas.

I can't be responsible for that, but it's really easy to take on you know that stress of how are other people reacting right now I think about when when we are out if you had to go the grocery store for example, and maybe you see somebody who's not wearing a mask and that can be really upsetting.

But that's it's not our responsibility rate to its it's our responsibility to to maybe mention the safety precautions and our guidelines.

But we can't take on the responsibility of our re of the stress that it causes us right.

So we kind of have to let go of how other people are responding to things that stress us out.

So that's that's one way to look at that I don't know if any of our our speakers and panelists want to add to that.

>> Just that I love the hula hoop.

Visual I think it's is really helpful to have a visual.

Because I can actually personally imagine myself using this you know and and just closing my eyes and imagine that the loop is sort of focusing on okay this is what's in my control, this is what's not in my control.

This is you know what I'm responsible for this is what I have to let go of which I think is really something that we're all struggling with this the yeah this pandemic has been.

I'm not really words were right it's so life altering I mean it's you know once in a century experience and it is.

You know the positive side is a global experience and it's an opportunity for us to really embrace our wellness and really you know fully sort of radically except that the head sits on top of the body, it's connected so you can't really separate behavioral mental health from physical health, it's all one.

I think we have an opportunity here particularly for the younger generations in the example that examples that we set.

In in terms of just talking openly about you know how we're doing and.

So I like the hula hoop, I use it I love it I use it with my own kids, yeah, Maria are passed.

I do want to share anything.

>> Yes I love this idea I think this air of the picture helps us a lot to you focus on those things that are.

In our cultural and also our responsibility.

I would say one thing that always comes to my mind when we think about things that are under our control.

>> I think about those that.

>> May not be able.

To control things because they are in a situation that it is not allowing them.

It's to have control of this things.

>> Of their words their behaviors and actions, their airports.

Those that are in use in relationships or those are.

>> Maybe have experienced several layers such drama.

And we know that the drummer changes our brain and also outsourced their way to see the world.

So maybe when we think about it.

This is also thinking about.

Those those around that S that may no have a disability.

That we have and that others have.

I think in clearly in haven't coached all of its.

>> Yeah absolutely I'm so glad you brought the heartbreak is that that really is just a crucial crucial points.

Actually kind of goes to the compassion piece that were we're going to talk to understand that not everyone is in the same exact situation.

And some you know.

How does the responsibility it is a better word, you know that was my my bad because I kind of substitute of responsibility for control but I actually kind of glad I did because that prompted this conversation and I don't know Maria if you have another idea or pastor Mike for.

Is there even a more compassionate word than responsibility that we should put in that whole hoop.

You know in order to be respectful of those that really are in situations where.

Any one of us would if we are not we don't have the same we don't have we don't have the same options.

>> When they think about the war responsibility, I like that word of a year.

Because it is we as human beings have a tendency to.

20 to 20 vision.

And just think about all the things that the fire could have done this if I hurt her down that if I I should have been issued.

But winning reality those things that are out of our our control.

I'm not our responsibility.

Our trauma is not our fault.

It's not our responsibility.

But West we had the opportunity to heal.

Once we find the resources that it is our responsibility.

To heal and to sick.

Support.

>> It also allows some Roma.

For understanding that if we are responsible human means we may feel remorse.

>> We may feel.

If not for the things that we do not have control when they see him guilty.

When in reality.

We are not feel too.

We're just we adjust experience in St. That happened to us out of our control.

So it is it is very important to also differentiate.

Responsibility.

Versus field.

Understand that yes, there are many things that happened to us as human means.

>> That we are not that we don't have control off.

And we will seek out out overcome those.

When we look at them.

What our role loss.

In the process.

Without feeling judge court without feeling guilty or ashamed.

>> I feel like that just opens up a lot of room for dialogue that I really I think we can if it's OK with you we can we can talk about the compassion and empathy but then we can also come back to that because I think guilt.

It is really easy to feel guilt over I could have done this better I could have done that and you're right not everybody has.

>> The the access to making those types of decisions they may not be in a position where they can make those types of decisions.

We were doing a lot of work at the division 2 around children's issues and you look at children were kind of put in a position where.

>> They they have to do certain things every day remote learning and it's like they've been told exactly how they're going to handle the pandemic and they've handled it was so much grace and and that's that's a whole nother level in whole other conversation we can be having pastor Michael wanted to give you an opportunity before we go to this video about compassion and empathy if you wanted to share any of your thoughts about what about both doctor Brown and Maria have shared.

>> I love that whole image of the hula hoop and and what you can control and all the things that are beyond your control and one of the concerns I have is and this year the spiritual fatigue that people have been going through.

And we also had a very difficult political year.

A lot of negative messages coming constantly through the facebook pages through all the different media platforms that are out there and I and I'm concerned about people being overwhelmed by that and I never will forget listening to Matt and Al angle as she was giving a lecture the children's author wrinkle in time and she was giving a lecture do and it was the beginning of the first Gulf war and she said in this was you know cnn's 24 hour news going on constantly and she said to us.

I only watch 30 minutes of news today.

I can't handle more than that if I handle more than that it will overwhelm me and I won't be able to do the things that I need to do.

And now is that there was so much wisdom in that.

And with all of the message that us are coming at us constantly the negativity the conflict the acrimony.

We have to be good to ourselves and we have to give ourselves permission that we don't have to be on top of everything that's going on in the world that we don't have to know about everything under you know under the whole political human drama that's going on and that sometimes we need to just take that time to give ourselves permission just to be good to ourselves to feed ourselves spiritually on those things that feed us and then those things that wear us down those things that are energy draining.

We need to let them go sometimes.

>> Yeah absolutely.

>> I want us to come back to that because that setting boundaries is I think should be part of that conversation where we set boundaries and healthy boundaries if we can go ahead and let's show this short clip on.

>> That's from burn a brown on compassion and empathy.

>> So what is sympathy.

And why is it very different than sympathy.

Empathy feels connection sympathy drives disconnections.

Empathy is it very interesting Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who's studied professions very diverse professions were empathy is relevant and came up with 4 qualities of empathy perspective taking.

The ability to take the perspective of another person or recognize their perspective is there truth staying out of judgment, not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do.

Recognizing emotion and other people and in communicating that.

Empathy is feeling with people.

And to me I always think empathy is this kind of secret safe.

When someone is kind of in a deep hole, and they shout out from the bottom in a say.

I'm stock it's dark and overwhelmed and then we look and we say hey, I'm down I know what it's like down here and you're not alone.

Sympathy is.

>> It's bad now on USC which >> if he is a choice it's a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you.

I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.

>> Rarely if ever does it impact the response begin with at least.

>> And we do it all the time because you know what someone to share something with us it's incredibly painful and we're trying to silver lining that I think that's a verb.

But I'm using it as one.

We're trying to get the silver lining around it so I had a miscarriage.

At least you know you can get pregnant.

I think my marriage is falling apart.

At least you have a marriage.

John's getting kicked out of school at least Sarah is an A student.

But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations if we try to make things better.

If I share something with you that's very difficult I'd rather you say.

I don't even know what to say right now I'm just so glad you told me.

Because the truth is rarely can a response make something better.

What makes something better is connection.

>> I love that video so much every time I watch it it brings.

New insight to me just that refresher of you know this we we really do need our human connections, however we're able to do them in this time of stress and in this time of social distancing.

And I think when you look at that hula hoop kind of consent and pastor Mike what you're saying about tuning out certain things when you've had have enough when you you don't need to have the news on 24 hours a day how much news can change in 24 hours a day.

Sometimes we don't want to know right like.

We don't need the hour by hour.

Developments.

So it's good to be aware of what's happening.

But it's also good to set boundaries with ourselves so that we can focus on what is important and I think when you talk about control and have our having responsibility.

Making the choice to be responsible for connecting with others and how you express that connection.

You know you just in that video that piece it doesn't have to be you don't have to have a perfect response just being available and saying I hear you and validating that experience can be can be really empowering for a person.

So anybody want to share their thoughts on our compassion versus empathy.

>> It's really hard to be as windy as been able to to follow that but she is brilliant and it and it is it is really good to sort of.

>> To look at that and actually you know it.

It makes me reminds me of.

One of the things you can do to serve as a self catch is how many times are you saying to yourself at least a little lot.

And and and some of our own self talk to me very invalidating at and but unless you sort of quiet yourself and actually listen to what your own self talk is you may not be aware.

Yeah, absolutely.

>> Maria I saw you shaking your head in agreement.

>> Well there's a lot to it is there is so much to reflect and to consider when we think about compassion and self-compassion.

It's what came to my mind was that many of us.

>> Our floor and or.

>> In societies said program us to look at our loss in what is said that we're doing wrong and what is that to think about what does it matter with me.

What there.

It is not what matters to me, but it doesn't matter with me.

>> Is and that is >> a lot of us.

Which fuels >> then they get to self talk that you have the ability to really see what's ourselves all and allowed that is second set with me to be able to practice self-compassion may be able to be mindful of its what we need us human beings.

And that knowledge Madoff our mistakes and that we had a perfect and even if we are to perfect their lawful if you serve love with its server.

That acknowledge tranche of cash.

That we humor.

On the other part of it for me is.

And you will hear me talk about always advocating for those so experience try in extreme stress.

Throughout their lives.

And at this particular time may people.

Leaving that in our be triggered.

By all what is happening related to the pandemic and to the political situation in the country in sometimes we're not going to be able to deal with that on and it is okay.

It's important to acknowledge that that's compassion it's just one Park.

It's one piece of the possible.

Our health and our well-being.

So it's it's important to.

I know that just a couple with.

Our attitude or awareness or mindfulness ourselves.

Highness to ourselves and to others resources that are in that our community.

To use for our mental House.

I said well that's where they went to.

I tend to our pain and to take care of physical pain.

But when it comes to the emotional pain.

Saturday and we are if we don't know what to do and it's chilly as it is pulled away.

One of the things that happened show yeah it's acknowledging that that experience said that is happening to last.

This air scare.

>> Yeah, absolutely and I think it does just as in the video we sign on this slide where it says there's there's 3 facets of self-love right and one of those things as mindfulness South kindness in common humanity and we think about empathy and we think about what's happening with this pandemic.

There's a common a common experience that we're all having right now is that we're all living through this pandemic and we're all experiencing it in one way or another.

I've seen a couple of graphics kind of floating around social media and it says we're all we're not all in the same boat but we're all in the same storm right so just as you said we're all experiencing this together we're experiencing it different levels and different in different ways.

But it does give us a sense of common humanity.

In in that way we can connect with other people because this is a very real human experience.

I wanted to just touch base with pastor Mike to see what his thoughts were and see if he wanted to share anything.

Pastor Mike did you want to share anything burn a Browns video and that idea of this common common humanity.

>> You know the challenge >> and church community sometimes is when someone has a devastating loss.

Death of a child.

And members of the community want to be.

Empathetic or at least some batting sympathetic and and they want to be there for the person, but then they want to give theological explanations that are not helpful right.

So then they even want to say oh well God needed an angel or things like that that are just not helpful at all and what I like to tell people really a great way of being empathetic is and of course in covid you know take a Castro but wear a mask of course.

But take a casserole wear your mask and go give them a hug and be with them.

You know you don't have to explain that just be present to them and let them know that you love them.

>> Yeah I think and even just touching base by phone once a week following up and saying how people are doing or.

I'm.

>> I personally I prefer text message is.

To the phone calls that.

You know it is nice to to sometimes get on on messenger and and have some some calls are doing video calls and I know last last time we did talk about that staying connected.

I think that is such an important piece in it it does show compassion to others.

>> On this side we we wanted to talk a little bit about self love how is compassion.

How is that compassion for ourselves how does that really to showing ourselves love.

I think Maria and actually touched on it a little bit with the idea of self acceptance too.

>> Yeah I would say >> the literature in research talks about or define said us.

Training you sound that way you will treat others.

But it's sometimes it's difficult to understand.

What we have to you.

Specially when we are all suffering.

And so it certainly is a lot of knowledge mantis a lot of.

It's humiliating.

This practice and that humility.

Shoe it involved a ball.

To offer the best we can but know also that what may we may be afraid.

It's hard enough.

And that we are not enough that.

The need is still great.

In and that's when I think later on in the presentation they are also part of this talk about the community you it also made me think about.

Doctor it might be in his book together about the lessons learned way in research and wellness and emphasizes a lot about spending time with the chopper.

Express in La CA and expanded that's to call.

It is 15 minutes a day.

Get in touch with someone you love us.

And give that and decided that station make eye contact if it is.

A visually make eye contact share the moment.

One of my friends, this smart morning I said that just precious even in silence.

Is doctor mark.

The also talks about immigration so that you did.

So we can with plan a shower Celts.

We kid ourselves that opportunity to.

Again look at what we want what we need and see what that particular time we are able to do to ourselves.

It that way we were planning to our South so we not show our selves we have something to get to tonight and have that ability to help us in to allow others to us.

When they need it.

And this time I would say.

We all need it we on that support and their help.

Absolutely.

>> Doctor Brown is there something that kind of happens to us physiologically when we are well let's talk about like the South cast.

Becton the the solitude and replenishing and refilling our Cup is there something that happens in our bodies when we engage in those kinds of practices in terms of stress management.

>> Absolutely kuz because it is a little bit different for each person but but if you're really doing something that self restorative you're going to be us or balancing out your nervous system that's the easiest way I can certain explain it is you know we have this go go go go go fight or flight you know sympathetic nervous system and then we have you know nature's balance which is the parasympathetic nervous system that that real and it's also why something like exercise works so well so so for some people the breathing is hard to get.

But exercise does the exact same thing because when you exercise particularly intensely you really activating your sympathetic nervous system which triggers.

Parasympathetic response and hence that calming response that that you feel afterwards.

I this isn't exactly what you asked, but but I but I do think that you know there's a there's a lot of research that shows that self-compassion.

For example decreases symptoms of trauma.

So we know that trauma survivors that have posttraumatic stress disorder.

Those that are able to practice self-compassion have less symptoms of their post traumatic stress disorder than those Hu or not and and it's not just about having the self-compassion but it's also about.

Reckoning with what your fear of self-compassion is as well because.

And an interesting leaders there's also it is emerging data suggesting that alcohol use is related to a lack of self compassion or a fear of self-compassion particularly in those that have experienced trauma.

And so.

You know I think part of the reason for making compassion one of the scoop.

Letters was this recognition that.

We are in a very traumatic moment and and that trauma will be different for each person, but the reality is the Globe has been traumatized, I mean there's just no way around it right so.

And and to combat the stress of that trauma.

To the extent that we can you know practice self-compassion and and provide that compassion to others.

It's sort of like an antidote.

If you will.

To to to what we're all experiencing.

>> I think that was of great answer because the you got to what I couldn't put into words was that that global stress that common human experience that we're having right now because of the pandemic and that we do need to have self-compassion.

The slight that's up right now talks about mindfulness as a practice and how can we get out of our heads and get away from the negative self-talk into a place of self acceptance.

So that we can show ourselves compassion.

I'm definitely not an expert in mindfulness I'm working on that myself and my own self work so I would love for you all to tell us about mindfulness and how can we engage in mindfulness as a practice like what is the basic.

You know how do I do this at home, what are what are the steps that I need to take.

I'm gonna ask doctor Brown, the start us off again, I'm sorry doctor sure have a job I really want to hear what really has to say because yoga is like one of the really important ways to to practice mindfulness.

>> And you know what I guess what I what I can speak to is the fact that there's also very good research that mindfulness reduces stress.

There's actually a whole evidence-based treatment called mindfulness based stress reduction that that actually is quite effective for anxiety and and mild depression, so you know we know that it it works.

It's a little bit hard to explain.

You know why or how it works and not sure that we really even fully understand that but we do have evidence that it does work and.

And there are many different ways to practice mindfulness and so I think the important thing there is to find a way to practice mindfulness that works for you when it can be anything from.

You know doing formal sort of meditation to.

Getting an app on your phone that just prompts you to be mindful and pay attention to your breath for you know 30 seconds or whatever so.

You know it was most important is that people find it find a way to practice mindfulness that works for them and there are many many many different ways.

And so I don't know if Maria wants to rescue me there.

>> Go ahead Maria I was I was actually going to say because your experience like this is this is kind of your area of mindfulness practice right.

>> Well, yeah, it was so wonderful to hear doctor Brown talk about it from.

The research is that perspective.

I have gone into.

Lately it's you the more practical basic.

What everybody can do.

In what everybody should I am all about access.

For for people access to the things that makes them.

Happy that bring them.

Some sort off so regulation that allows them to correct the late in their systems.

So when I think about that I think it can more in terms of the park to cold day to day activities.

How you secure the day how you.

>> Plan your morning or and get out and >> in.

>> I think will forgive rest and be able to get out of bad with able to able to move.

>> And having.

>> It water to brush a sheet in a chance for action in the ability to hold that to bash him.

>> All of those things that we take for granted.

>> But we start to of serving them on a day to day basis though sales solely increase water bill at a shoe create a where it's tough.

>> The things that we enjoy in our lives that thing said we have that water that is available to last that it is available to men that ability to voice.

Communicate with others it is sad.

>> Really.

>> Limit to mandate.

I wear next a full the benefits that we enjoy in this life.

>> And that surely helps develop developed compassion for ourselves.

For others and also helps ice.

Focus on.

What is good.

Instead off what I don't crack.

What my suffering.

This suffer in a spy.

It is it is very important to acknowledge it.

And he has a purpose in our lives.

And everybody suffers.

And for some of class that led to its practices each year.

Because we had we accept it.

And we understand it but for others that may be so challenging.

In what it would be think about the.

That connection gives my body.

Connection in how the brain processes information.

And they offer you the job that young people that experience and stress and trauma.

That also could be the challenge in people.

So it is focusing on those little things.

One thing that I have heard especially with people who've had expands traumatic brain injury is it doctor about touchton exercise.

In a moment, how that increases our or my list so we're building the to the press and I would have built it is to understand what we need and what we are able to do.

And I have found that it is very helpful even if it is.

For us when we think about my focusing you know that and have it be from me too that we like and enjoy we'll stay on that yoga mat.

Sit on the floor or sit on the sofa.

Just listen to wait and watch.

I don't have the source of the research but I remember that.

I read it as part of some research that just the fact that you see there imagine yourself join it.

Has a great effect on your brain.

So that's an invitation to think about that too.

If you want to move.

Perfect if you feel that motivation.

Wonderful but if all what you can do at that particular time.

It's 6 listen.

It precedent on your soft.

That is enough.

>> I love that thank you and pastor Mike I think this is a really good place to to talk about our spiritual needs from that that perspective of mindfulness and how how do our spiritual lives how can we be mindful.

In with our spirituality.

>> Thank you, yes, I want to plug-in just for a moment with a comment about the inner tapes that play in our minds and we know that the great commandments year to love the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul and your to love your neighbor as yourself.

And often we Protestant preachers have to own up to the fact that sometimes we really do preacher works righteousness that you know you all need to do more do more do more do more.

And and what sometimes we preachers forget is that there's people in the pews.

Work really hard loving everybody else.

They just don't do a good job at loving themselves.

And so when you think about that you know you have people with all kinds of tapes that are playing in their minds.

You know negative tapes from their childhood.

Negative tapes from their school experiences, they carry all this baggage around with them.

And I love this scene in and I was talking with Jeff about that before we began and I love that scene in the movie for love of the game where the pitchers on the mound.

And you know he's hearing all the crowds out there the roar and everything else and then he says clear the mechanism and then when he does clear the mechanism here is not have it.

And in our own lives spiritually we can do the same thing when we hear those negative tapes we can have a refrain.

We can say Jesus Jesus come into my life or we can remind ourselves that we're children of God and that we have in transit dignity as children of God, not because of what we're doing not because of all the different things but just because of whom we are as one of God's children.

So I think it's very important for people to be able to.

Clear the mechanism of the negativity that they may be carrying with them and spiritually one of the ways of doing that is through prayer.

>> Yeah, absolutely and I think we've had comments when we've done self-care presentation that we do that and people say that's what part of their mindfulness practices to sit in a quiet space.

>> And to read their Scripture or to read.

You know the text that's important to them.

So that that is kind of that practice to being in prayer being in a place where you you can practice your spirituality and reconnect I'm really glad that you brought up the re framing or refrain.

Because I think for for some people if you if you don't have a specific spiritual background or spiritual belief.

And you do have those negative tapes it can be really hard to refrain.

Words that you've internalized things that you've kind of you've gotten used to staying years to yourself that when we talk about self acceptance and we say towers, you know we all have that I could have done better at this part I should have done this instead and those are those are negative tapes right.

If we can take that tape out in re frame the message to something that's positive.

That might help some people to struggle with that so I don't know if somebody if either doctor Brown Maria can give us kind of more a secular perspective on how do we re frame.

A negative message in our minds that that we need to sit just scratch that tape out and.

R-word it.

>> Sure well, I'll start so you know caught essentially I mean I'm I'm way over simplifying here but.

But what you described as cognitive behavioral therapy, you need then there's a you know tremendous evidence base that cognitive behavioral therapy, not only is an effective treatment for anxiety for depression.

It also.

Changes the brain and we we know from functional MRI.

And other you know other data that there's they're saying actually happens in the process of of good of good cognitive behavioral therapy and there's different you know different types of cognitive behavioral therapy, there's cognitive behavioral therapy that scared a little bit more towards trauma.

There's cause to believe that there be that scared a little bit more towards psychotic disorders and psychosis.

And you know and so on and so forth but sort of the the the basic says is understanding.

You know what are you what are you saying to yourself and and what when you think this then what what does what happens to your behavior and and doing this thing called a chain analysis.

Which is I think you just Google to to get the basic concept, but where you you know try to figure out OK I had these thoughts which resulted in the sauce which resulted in this behavior which resulted in the stops.

And but but until you map it out any mean literally the practices to draw it out.

It all happens completely you know unconsciously mean.

>> Yeah and I think to read did you want to add to that from your perspective working in the field and have any experience with trauma informed experience that you have.

>> Well >> it was hard to to with doctor balance said.

But what I was thinking and it is >> line which.

Shapes.

Okay years.

>> And he gets into our thinking.

>> So.

>> It is we have that body.

Programming to go to that negative self talk or to we checked.

Think that we are doing Rod is that area.

>> Certain cultures are certain groups F in our society, 6 parts of our culture that.

>> Really emphasizes.

And.

That being perfect.

They had the idea that we have as human beings.

Okay so what we do and how we do it and how successful we are.

And I will say go back a little bit and think about where did I learn that.

And what is the purpose off.

What I have said well tell him.

Myself.

It doesn't serve OC next to her post.

How can they would place.

That I am telling myself and how can I make that have it.

So I can we shake that thing in and can we train my brain.

2.

Feed myself.

In a different way we are what we see ourselves basically in show we had to wait socially and spiritual.

And we do have choices so learned.

It's just different.

So we can still different and feed our brains.

Those.

Less toxic.

Components that we are bringing all our lives.

>> I was guide.

Yeah, absolutely and the combination to of your your spiritual life and your positive spiritual engagement with your positive self-talk that can do a lot for cultivating compassion for ourselves.

The slide that we're on now talks about Kim cultivating compassion for others pastor, Mike you mentioned earlier about.

When when somebody in your faith community if it's your congregation, your church or.

Whatever spiritual beliefs you have somebody is if there's a loss exceptional loss felt in the the community reaching out to that person and maybe offering and ear to listen a shoulder to cry on maybe bring a casserole and stop by in and start cultivating compassion for dia for the other.

We talk about cultivating compassion for each other in our community.

How else can we do that when we reach out is it is it just bring in a casserole hours there other ways that we can show compassion for others.

>> The accident and you know this has been such a.

Challenging and difficult storm.

And forgive me for going back in time just for a minute but you know it it just came so suddenly upon us you know March first were having communion together by intention with the chalice with the common loaf March 8th.

We're told there says virus out there and we need to use a lot of hand sanitizer and March 15 the communities totally shut down we're just doing live stream.

And you know my concern back then you know was was there concern in that Billy Joel song.

You know sharing a drink called loneliness but it's better than drinking along and then now all of sudden.

There's no place to share that drink called loneliness because the bars are closed down the restaurants are closed down.

The churches are shut down.

And what a long journey we have been on in this time and as the community what we've had to do is we've had to learn to do church differently.

You know, and so of course what we've done is we moved a live stream that March 15th that person may we've never done live stream before and so then we're live streaming our services but that's not going to be enough now we need to get our Sunday school classes to meet by zoom.

We need have our church calling everyone in doing as Ilya and phone calls to check on the everyone and then of course you know we're doing small group studies by zoom.

Doing other forms of ministry were doing feeding for the community.

Because in the midst this pandemic there's all the economic concerns that are happening in the midst of this terrible storm.

And so as we have navigated this storm and as we have moved forward through it.

It has been an incredible challenge for people not to feel totally isolated to themselves.

And you know in funerals were you know all of sudden changed in that process grief has been changed in that process.

And you know, and you know when you're doing a funeral in a funeral home and you can only have so many people there and the whole community and the whole family in all everyone else.

You know it's also different because you know you can't have you know perhaps a 100 people would come to the service.

Now you're limited to a certain number and it has been by doctor Brown said it has been a storm unlike any other storm and the trauma of it has affected all Abbas and in the midst of that we know what we've been encouraging our folks do is to reach out reach out with phone calls with cards with text messages with e-mails with zoom calls and with all the other gifts of technology that we have and I thought many times in the midst of this what it was like for the church in 1918.

In the midst of the pandemic and they didn't have any of that the and and how how how did they navigate that storm without all that we have because I think it's very difficult to navigate the storm with all that we have and I don't know how they did it without that.

>> Absolutely and I think one of the things we can talk about is we had we know that there was site the social isolation for some of our community members.

Before the pandemic people with serious mental illness people with developmental disabilities.

Maybe people who're just beginning their recovery journey from a substance use disorder and that didn't pan demick when everything kind of closed down.

We we do have this new experience of grief but then we have people who're already socially isolated.

And trying to make sure that we can be inclusive of their needs be it be inclusive of cultivating compassion.

And I'm hoping my hope is that we won't go back to a way where we isolated those individuals, but we see them as part of our community.

That we can cultivate more community inclusion because now we know that it can be done we know that we can do things differently than we did them before.

I think about people who've typically don't go to the grocery store by themselves, or Hu need additional supports when they go to the grocery store now we have more grocery store delivery we've got curbside pickup, we have all these different things that have kind of had to adjust to be able to meet a need and I think compassion for our community members is kind of going and along those same lines it's growing in and changing as the need.

Presents itself but I do think we have a an enormous opportunity to change the way we were doing things before because now we know it wasn't really working for everybody and it's highlighting that we can have compassion and empathy I'm going to let doctor Brown and and Maria if they want to add anything.

So what you said pastor Mike I think we can do that and then go go on with our next slide.

>> Yeah, I think pass I covered it beautifully as did you I think.

Compassion really it's it's it's it's about empathy is about that connection and then it's about alleviating suffering and.

And that is and the first step to that though is sort of being able to being willing to see the suffering because you can't even see it you can't alleviated and so you know one of the things our eyes have been.

You know sort of forced wide open to all kinds of suffering over the course of this pandemic.

And to actually to a point where sometimes it's too painful and you have to you know.

Turn off the news or are close your eyes and give yourself some sleep and some rest.

But part of that that you know those eyes being opened allows us to see the suffering and once you can see it then you can think about you know how do you help.

How do you help make it bearable because because because relieving suffering isn't always about taking it away right there's not some mostly about fixing it or taking it away.

But it is about acknowledging it and being willing to sit with someone with their suffering and allowing the suffering to you know the sort of like the wave of emotion people talk about right allow you to crest and and go go over to the other side.

>> So those are my thoughts I think yeah apps that captures that really wow Maria.

>> What thank you.

Yes in what I was thinking is that.

>> For so many people with the courage and what is experiences.

Their lives I very complex and that increases they intensity.

Of their pay in the cases that are families to connect it to receive and to process pay.

Is especially for those that have experienced Rob our those with feel the love and so disability system missions or.

>> Just those process stress differently.

It is very valid to.

I don't know which that sometimes we reach out.

>> And they are not available.

They are not able to receive what we are offering.

And but letting them know that chest.

That has some days said just showing up and leaving.

Will help them.

He got the courage.

And that's enough.

For them to you.

She it done so themselves in a way that provide some sort of relief.

Any knowledge in that shared humanity.

That excess says.

Without any type of judgment.

If they are not able.

Still offer in a way for them to be able to receive.

>> Here in in in our community.

The professional communities said.

Some tense.

>> We talk about high us.

Each don't want to do they sure don't want to do that all right that ratings.

But it takes courage to get ready.

It takes courage to show up.

It's courage to receive.

So that will be my by indication.

>> I love that it does take courage to receive and I think that.

I think it's really it can be really difficult to be courageous when you're in a challenging time.

I have to remind myself that that we have to commit to get forward to get through this you kind of have to grow through what you go through right that idea of.

This is an opportunity to nurture myself is even though it doesn't feel like a very nurturing time, but this is a time to reflects.

So that I can grow in my own resiliency and hopefully other people are taking that time to do that reflection too.

What you see on the screen right now is our upcoming dates for we've got observe your use of substances.

That's really early intervention to prevent future problems.

Okay to ask for help we talked a little bit today about being brave and courageous and and knowing that it's OK to ask for help and challenging times and then rpe physical activity to improve your mood we also touched a little bit on exercise as part of mindfulness I think if it's OK with you, let's see if we have hopefully we have a lot of comments and the Chad I hope a lot of this resonates with people.

They're there.

Giving us good questions and giving us good comments and let's see if we have anything in the chat.

>> So maybe we can ask maybe we can shares I mean if you're comfortable sharing your experiences has there been a time for you.

>> In the pandemic that has been.

Kind of challenge challenge her own stress management.

Maybe some initial feelings and reactions.

When it started and where you are now.

Doctor Brown.

>> Sure I mean everything challenges everything about the challenges your stress management.

I mean it's just that.

I mean okay so let's see so again the ago so I think one of the things that that you know punter flexion so initially.

I want to like the first 90 days.

I was really working pretty much non-stop 7 days a week.

Just because of my responsibilities that and dhhs.

In a way that was a little bit comforting because it was just there are so much to do and it ends.

Kept you busy.

So they actually had to give myself some space.

2.

Process everything that had just happened because you know it and it was it was just I mean it's really fascinating because.

It in some ways I would say to people like it was harder than medical school or residency.

In terms of.

Just the relentless day and there's no up there's no post called a so like in the medical world.

You can you go for 36 hours or whatever, but then you have your post called where you can sleep and chill out and restore you know recharge your batteries.

And it felt like you know, particularly those first 3, 3, months there is no chance to recharge batteries.

There is no post called A and it's because it was a once in a lifetime pandemic that like me get to Stephanie to be done.

You know, I think it'd be you know a reasonable job you know for me exercises my biggest stress reliever and so you know the one good thing is that because that there's so much work from home, I could you know fit in exercise in a way that was a lot easier than it when I was you know driving into a into work.

So to speak.

So that was very helpful and.

And and then you know and then and then you get the sort of just an end but there's also I had a really honestly take you know they got to the first 3 months I took like a period of like for day 4 consecutive days often my family was very kind and.

Just basically said you just go read you go do whatever you want like we got the rest of the household you just sort of don't do anything for 4 days.

In a way kind of freaked me because then I actually had to process everything that just happened.

But it was incredibly important to do that incredibly incredibly important to do that and actually in a weird way stress relieving because it because again you have to sort of provide that space you have to like allow yourself to feel your emotions.

You've got to get to the other side I feel like I'm rambling now but.

That's a little bit of of of my experience.

>> I think that's actually a really good piece to share because we have control over our workrate we can we know exactly what we're stepping well with the exception of trying to navigate a pandemic for the most part we know exactly what we're walking into with our jobs.

We have the expectations are sent.

We have control over that situation.

As much as we can so it actually makes a lot of sense that maybe our responses to focus on something like work because we have control of that we don't have control over the rest of the pandemic.

So that that makes a lot of sense and it certainly resonates with me I it's it's in the thing is it's harder to draw that boundary to when you're working from home, it's like.

Well you going to work and you're not actually leaving your house you're you're at home.

And so where you are where you actually stop yourself and create a space that is just for you for your your mental health for that unwinding for that post call so to speak where you're recharging so sometimes we do have to set actual physical boundaries in our household.

You know, I'm I'm one of those like no TV in my my bedroom, no phones like you know reading in is that's what you do you don't work in your in your bed because that's where you sleep right so sending the actual boundary.

Maria you look like you're ready to share if something too.

>> Well >> it has seen here in just a I the place where it was when the pandemic started actually I came back to the United States.

That day when they was the clear it was incredibly stressful.

>> To go back to war.

Although for me it was.

>> I set my mind doing what I could.

To help.

The community.

To work with so said it's needed me at that time it was pretty much.

Yeah.

What whatever you are available.

No one boundaries at that time.

>> But I started to the practice grad issues and that sailed this 4 pounds saying South.

Been so privileged to be able to work and be healthy and be safe.

>> And have our place a word where they were thinking about watch how they were going to support me to be able to stare.

>> My community I didn't have that support that work.

And so I.

The Senate to take advantage of that.

Her.

The community that I work with is credibly so they're well and their knees way here.

At a point.

I was asking myself how are we going to have this hi survive.

Those that were homeless those that where >> uses 6 assists those that have lost their jobs.

Those that could not.

>> If their holes single mothers with children, current and then in the would love to know.

No food.

So for me seeing what others would going to helps me stay focused on being grateful.

>> For every breath, a hat for every minute that I had 4 everything that I was enjoying in for been able to help them.

The other thing that has really encourage small.

So how this process floss.

Learning.

Those community members the neighbor SOS.

Organizations in my community where going above and beyond to practice match.

To support those seen.

It was very rewarding to saving working late making for referrals no way that those of us that the food was going to be delivered by someone to this finalist it matter.

It really didn't matter of.

How late or how love it there.

So for me.

Though stress has the press sent so loud that process.

I would say every day I also have found ways co. And ways to stay connected us.

What's my family.

In my support network in no way that also not just me.

In my practice, allowing them to.

Support me.

It's not easy but it takes a lot of effort in my full list to stay focused on.

Figure it out what works for you.

And what you need to be able to 15 war.

Doing what you need to do and what you love to do because I love the job they do.

>> Thank you.

Thank you pastor, Mike >> can you talk a little bit about your initial your initial reaction and maybe I know you you mentioned earlier to how you shifted things in your your community, your faith community.

>> And kind of drying on a little bit what Maria said about making sure people are getting food in kind of that whole I know you your for your community has done a lot for your faith community has done a lot for your broader community too so can you maybe talk a little bit about about that experience.

>> Certainly it's it's been of course a very stressful year.

And and as we navigated this storm taking care of all the things that we needed to take care of you know helping our community to connect with relationships and all the different ways that we did that and also with the feeding ministries and all of the other stuff that we did.

It has been quite a challenging year to navigate for sure.

And you know and just in terms of stress management and the things that I did in the midst of that to.

Maintain my sanity so to speak if I really would located it with 3 things you know won.

I have a 120 pound a key to name Charlie and and so I would like to say that I walk Charlie but actually Charlie walks me and so my watch with Charlie are very very helpful.

And the second thing is in this time ira's really intentional.

And keeping all those relationships with my friends, the folks are not normally be traveling to see and and all that stuff you know all of a sudden you know friends from undergraduate days, we're now zooming and we're getting together once a month by zoom and and so you know feeding my soul that way with all of those relationships that are so dear to me, but I couldn't just get on a plane and fly to Saratoga New York to see somebody our to La or wherever they're at and so it was very important to be able to have those relationships be maintain in the midst of this storm and then in the Gospels you see over and over again.

Jesus pulls away from the crowd.

He pulls away from the crowd to have that time with his father for prayer and renewal.

And one of the challenges of preachers is burnout and preachers will work work work work work and then also just totally crash.

Because they won't take that model that paradigm from the Gospels to heart and so if Jesus needed to take time away.

Why do we preachers think we don't need to take time away.

If Jesus needed to feed himself spiritually.

Why do we think we can just keep burning the fire is constantly and so I was intentional and taking my vacation time and I was also intentional in doing what doctor rounded and taking a week just to read because I love to read and so I just spent a week.

Reading and that was very very very helpful and very renewing.

>> Thank you so much I'm I'm glad you mentioned the just one sharing with us that you have a dog that I think everybody kind of enjoys.

Pets if you are a pet person and now was and working from home a lot of us have seen each other's home life and our pets an hour.

Sometimes kids has bomb the conversation and my kids have come in a couple of times and sharing those stories really personalizes this experience both from the what are we struggling with but also what is bringing us joy.

Reading is one of those things that you know listening to stories stories are a very human experience that's how we've shared our history.

>> Through stories.

We do have a comment now in the chat so nightly gratitude has been very important for for me to get through this.

Some days it can be almost comical what we choose to be grateful for on more challenging days and that came from Deanna thank you Diana that's so true some days it can be really challenging emotionally.

We can feel physically drained.

We can feel spiritually dreamed.

And then says Sunday's it can be really comical.

My daughter for example at the beginning of this I I started locking the door to the room I was in so I can focus on work and we have those locks for you you literally can stick like a hair clip in and turn it and it pops so she figured out that if she sticks her hair clip in she could unlock the door she's come on says several conference CA Bernard's with me.

>> Because she's she can pick locks now so there's there's going to be some fun, funny stories and there's going to be things that we're grateful for we're grateful for the 4 hour.

Opportunity every day to help the people that we support our communities, the to support the people that.

May not feel connected all the time Ernie may not be connected all the time.

>> We do have a slide up here that talks about toxic positivity this is another one that we do in our self care presentation where we 3 talk about avoiding toxic positivity so going back to those tapes and going back to that idea of you can only be positive good vibes only and you know failure is not an option.

Those are all things that are are kind of were negatively trained to say those things to ourselves so we can push yourselves through really difficult times but it doesn't really validate that we are going to have days where things are not going to feel good where the the comical days or are relief days.

But those days that are really challenging to us and mentally and physically taxing.

It's it's OK to hold space for those days and to validate that they exist and to validate those negative feelings.

So if you've heard of this term toxic positivity.

Let us know if you haven't if that's the first time you've heard this this phrase of of toxic positivity that's that's OK too.

So really what one of the ways we can re frame our conversations with one another in an accepting invalidating way is to say.

I'm here for you for both the good and the bad you know, it's it's acknowledging that.

That they're going to be times where it's going to be really fun and funny.

And where we're going to show up for that, but we're also going to show up for each other when things are not so great.

And it's we're going to have days where you just want to throw the papers out the window and forget that the day was happening just go for a walk you know sometimes to shutting shutting lights optioning the computer off and walking away is the best thing that you can do.

Hopefully we have were comments about what you know they're people's experiences are with this maybe they've seen it or maybe they haven't.

I think part of that story telling I hope people get a chance when they're connecting with one another that they do get a chance to share those stories of of commonality.

Another one that I think that I heard early on from from a staff member with Department of Public instruction she shared with me that a co-worker.

It was kind of so burnt-out of of doing the work from home thing that he would sit in his closet on on zoom calls.

And when it would he would like get really quiet.

You she said he knew hit his kids were coming around because he'd get real quiet all the sudden he just had this look of oh God, and it's like that is so true I would I can I can read that resonates with me I can relate to that I would want to hide in my closet, sometimes because you don't have I love my kids but sometimes you don't get the space from them that you need as a parent so that that story I don't even know that person but it was one of those stories that really it made me laugh, it's funny, but it's also very relevant and a true.

So hopefully people will share their stories hopefully.

They'll share what has brought them joy.

What books are eating a love looking at all the book clubs that are popping up and seeing what people are enjoying.

Fiction nonfiction historical fiction, there's a lot of good books out there.

And a lot of libraries now are doing pick up where you can you can pick your books up on the go and they have grab and go bags for kids to and that's really helpful for our community members.

So these these really are just practice offerings surrounding yourself with positive affirmations if you're struggling with.

Just that positive self-talk.

Stacy and I talked about the different post it's that we put up in our in our house, maybe you have some some positive things you know what is it something that you like about yourself what what is something you feel good about you.

Because that's worthy and that's valuable.

I don't know if we want to skip through that or if we have any more comments.

These are examples of ways you can write your positive affirmation and we are happy to share these signs with with our audience tonight, anybody he reaches out to us who'd like to copy of these will definitely want to share that with folks I don't know if anybody else wants to share any funny stories that you've had pastor Mike where is your favorite place to walk.

You have to have your favorite trail.

>> You know I just walk in the development that the House the parsonage is an OK so just you know just in the neighborhood and.

And you know hopefully he doesn't drag me through to many people's yards.

>> Yeah, I think there's parks, the Parks Department has a great resource for your parks passport, so if you're really into a walking trails.

Those are that's a good place to look for some good trails I don't know if we can go back to the slide that has or 3 W's that these are mostly just journal prompts.

Resources that we've included in the slide deck.

I'd love to hear of anybody any of our speakers are panelists want to share ideas.

They have for.

Prompts or exercises they do we're open to hearing from you all.

If not we can go and we can still go back to the 3 W's to police.

>> Well I I love that it was included in the acceptance invalidation.

The slide inside that failure is part of our borough and success is it I want to look at are.

What everybody apart it is for grouse.

And how Mike Brown was looks like.

Because sometimes.

Would I describe that grows in one a look at myself, there are things that I don't like and I discovered.

It is a way to you know talk to go with people about their first somebody grows and all of a sudden you realize that I have been in this place for so long that I didn't remember how it was before phase.

But now that I of the victims at a price and then.

I just person by nature right do this things that I really don't like.

So I look at it to those things when why did make those in and assess.

And have a passion for those things that I don't like the SEC them and then.

In what is that good but I do about it and how I can.

Still.

Feel good and if the okay and feel human.

Even with the things that I like about myself.

>> Yeah Maria I had really latched on to that quote as well you know.

If you it failures just such a quintessential part of humanity.

I mean it is it is part of the human experience.

We have to have it.

It has to exist.

We need to embrace it.

And it it is an opportunity for growth and sometimes you can't see the growth right away right so that sometimes it's it's it's not till to later that you realize you know.

The ways in which you grew and some names, you know and sometimes you're just to the the initial failure feel is so painful, it's sort of hard to see the other other side and you need to you know last allow some space for that.

But I do think it's really important thing this isn't an important message that we send to our children then that failure is just part of humanity.

It is every single human is going to fail at some point in time that's that's what you're supposed to do.

If you're not failing, you're means you're not trying you're not you're not growing.

I mean it is part of the growth process.

So I yeah I that really resonated that quote really resonated with me as well.

>> And I would just add to that spiritually speaking.

Failure has been a greater friend to me then success has been.

And there's this funny story of CS Lewis and he's debating Elizabeth and scum and the Socratic Club at Oxford and so we debated her and he didn't do well.

And so he was really kind of you know down in the dumps afterwards because he did not have a good performance in the debate.

And and Hugo Dyson set about that because Lewis was >> well what shall we say Lewis was a little all a little cocky about his argumentative skills shall we say and so you know you go Dyson said about that of Lewis is not doing well in the debate.

Hugo Dyson said well it was good for him he came to the foot of the cross and he needed to.

>> I I'm glad you brought up doctor Brown with with kids learning learning that process of and normalizing failure as part of the process of growing because I think we could.

We have an opportunity with their children right now to really focus on resiliency and failure is kind of that part of resiliency just normalizing the experiencing and knowing that you don't have to be perfect just showing up as yourself showing up authentically and trying your best and it takes practice.

A lot of the things that we've talked about this evening with cultivating compassion for yourself that takes practice, it's not something that happens overnight.

It's really.

>> You know being mindful intentional.

And setting time aside to work on compassion for yourself or in the moment if you find yourself being a little harsh and h#*#*#* o#* yourself to step back and pause.

Andree frame.

It does it does take time it's you know the expectation that we're going to show up perfectly.

Being compassionate for ourselves is is not realistic.

So hopefully those 2 have been able to participate and watch tonight have learned a lot.

Hopefully those that watch later, we'll.

We'll also learn a lot in this will be available to view again on the governor's Institute facebook page and our division of course will help share this information and hopefully.

People who've watched it we'll share it with their networks because it's a really important message in times of stress.

Since we don't have any other comments or questions in our facebook chat.

If there's any closing remarks you all would like to share.

I would love to hear them.

And if not we can will.

We'll say thank you >> well I just want to say that I'm I'm grateful to the to all of us to the to the panel and grateful for the chance to Spence I'm really dedicated time thinking about compassion and thinking about how we can Foster self-compassion.

So this will be a lot of my my my gratitude moments.

Today so thank you.

And I too want to echo that thank you so much for.

>> Pulling all this together and giving you know giving just.

Reflected time on this and how important compassion as and how important it is to be compassionate to ourselves and to be compassionate to others.

You never know what burden someone else's caring you never know the hardship that they've been through the trauma that they've endured and if we could just become.

More kind and more loving and more gracious as individuals and as a society.

So thank you.

>> Yes, thank you very grateful that swell for the opportunity to be with you.

Tonight in four-year process and for the presses off those that are with us tonight all out.

>> I will just really invite you to think about us.

That every wouldn't.

>> No matter how little.

>> How small it is physical or emotional.

Its care.

Please take care of yourselves and reach out and a sect the help that is available when needed.

>> Thank you so much I think that was a really good gratitude impromptu gratitude exercise, but we did and I I appreciate all of you I appreciate your time and I'm so grateful that I major selves available for this event.

Sharing your expertise to your stories.

Being human in a moment where we need more humanity.

So thank you so much.

Again thank you PBS North Carolina and the governor's Institute.

>> I I cannot and this event without reminding everyone about your 3 W's so wear a cloth face covering it does go over the nose.

Wait 6 feet apart to avoid close contact.

So as here.

Meeting up with somebody for socially-distant to walk you can toe tap or elbow bump.

Those are good options.

Wash your hands.

Frequently and use hand sanitizer we have a link to our dhhs covid dashboard you can find updates on the vaccine.

On trends on different numbers that are being reported across the state.

And we also have materials available in Spanish.

You have a spot take your shot that is your information on the COVID-19 vaccine.

We've had a lot of information from doctor Brown on that from the division or excuse me from the department on.

>> The vaccine schedule and the safety of the vaccine.

There's lots of lots of very valuable information on this website here.

And then wearing a mask is is a very important thing to do an hour.

Reminders that we ask everybody to get behind the mask we all have our reason.

I wear my mask to protect you you wear your mask to protect me and we're all in this together so whatever your reason answer the call and get behind the mask.

And then we do have some crisis information if you need assistance and the hope for and see line is one 8, 5, 5, 587-3463.

We also have the hope for healers line that is for our front line.

First responders so our antes nurses physicians that includes educators and school staff we know our teachers are our with our kids virtually, but they still are that connecting peace.

If you have questions about behavioral health or IDD and in the time of covid we have a link for you there where you can submit questions.

If you or somebody you know are in crisis we ask that you call 911 and ask for a train CI T officer or you can also contact your local management and steer managed care organization crisis lines.

But if somebody is immediate crisis definitely make that first Call to 911.

>> And then our upcoming dates.

I think the next time we will see you all is on March second for the.

>> Observe your use of substances.

We'll be talking about why it's important to monitor your use of substances and some some helpful ways to just be mindful of of your behaviors so that it doesn't become a problem.

You can share this information with the with your friends and family stay connected with dhhs use the hashtag scoop for stress.

That way we can follow you and see what you're sharing about this conversation.

Will also make sure that this gets out to people who've requested and I think our contact information is on that last.

Last slide there if you'd like a copy of the slide deck.

We we will send that out to you just let us know you can e-mail us at C E and E dot staff at dhhs.

>> Dot NC 0 dot.

>> Thank you so much everyone pastor Mike Maria doctor Brown thank you so much for being here with us 2.90 and getting the scoop on compassion.

>> Thank you.

Thank you.