
Self Determination
Season 26 Episode 5 | 57m 5sVideo has Closed Captions
Five short films from talented student filmmakers at Art Center, LMU, CSUN, CalArts and SDSU.
An imminent threat sends two friends on a cross-country mission in “The Mixtape for The End of The World” from Art Center. Brain implant technology promises a perfect life in LMU sci fi thriller “Happy Wife.” A woman navigates the often-misunderstood world of exotic dancing in CSUN documentary “We are Dancers.” Followed by CalArts animated short “Dies Irae” and SDSU documentary “Yeux.”
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Fine Cut is a local public television program presented by PBS SoCal

Self Determination
Season 26 Episode 5 | 57m 5sVideo has Closed Captions
An imminent threat sends two friends on a cross-country mission in “The Mixtape for The End of The World” from Art Center. Brain implant technology promises a perfect life in LMU sci fi thriller “Happy Wife.” A woman navigates the often-misunderstood world of exotic dancing in CSUN documentary “We are Dancers.” Followed by CalArts animated short “Dies Irae” and SDSU documentary “Yeux.”
Problems playing video? | Closed Captioning Feedback
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♪ ♪ ♪ Man through headphones: Incoming asteroid detected.
Prepare for potential impact in... 3... 2... 1.
[Rocket engine rumbling] ♪ Man: Dear Milo, thank you for writing me.
We still don't have a Planetary Defense Department here at NASA, but I appreciate your concern.
I must inform you that we have lost track of an asteroid on a collision course with Earth, posing as a world-ending threat.
We've been tracking it for months, but our conventional methods have failed.
If you observe anything unusual, please, contact us immediately.
Best regards, Dr.
Frankerberg.
I need you to come over right now.
It's an emergency.
Since when do you like astrology?
Did you call me here to talk about astrology?
Oh, no.
I discovered a world-ending asteroid.
I need your help to stop it.
I'm sorry?
Dr.
Frankerberg wrote me back.
NASA lost track of a world-ending asteroid, and he said that if I saw anything, I should contact him immediately.
What do you want to do, go to NASA and warn the scientist guy?
Yes.
Olivia, this is serious.
We could have days or even hours left.
Milo, no one's going to believe us.
That's why I'm bringing my science fair trophy.
Please.
Fine.
I could bring my mom's car.
I just have to be back before she notices.
♪ [Car starting] ♪ [Steam hissing] This was a bad idea.
Do you know how to fix a car?
No.
[Thud, thud] You want to save the world but you can't fix a -- car?
Where are you going?
Well, we can't drive, can we?
Why'd you stop?
You guys lost?
♪ [Door creaking] ♪ Do you live here alone?
Yep, been here the last... 12 years?
Got everything I need.
Sit down.
Hey, y'all-- y'all want a beer?
We're 15.
Sure, I'll take one.
So, what brings y'all out here?
Well, I was studying asteroids because Olivia told me she likes astronomy, but it turns out that she actually likes astrology.
To be honest, it is a little stupid, because the position of stars cannot possibly describe your fate, but I did not tell her this, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
However, in the middle of everything, I discovered an asteroid that's going to destroy the Earth.
So, we need to get to NASA by tonight.
NASA by tonight?
That ain't gonna happen.
Our car broke down.
We need to get out of here.
Is there a phone we could use?
The signal's bad.
But you can try.
♪ Your dead animals are weird.
Well, look at this.
Oh, it's great for tuning out the world, huh?
You know, I got some other cassettes in the other room.
Maybe you want to join me in-- in taking a look?
Ah!
[Thud] ♪ It was self-defense, right?
Why did you do that?
What?
You almost killed that guy.
I was trying to protect you.
Protect me from what?
And now my Walkman is barely working, because there's blood in it.
Why did you have to do that?
Milo, he was gonna hurt you.
No-- no, he was going to show me that... Milo, stop!
We should call the police.
No!
You said it was self-defense.
Milo, we almost just killed a guy.
You almost just killed a guy.
Can you stop being so selfish for a moment?
I'm not being selfish.
You are the one who ruined everything.
There's an asteroid headed towards Earth... There's no stupid asteroid, Milo.
I'm the one who wrote the letter.
I thought this would be a fun little adventure, and you'd soon realize that there's no asteroid, but I clearly lost control of the situation.
I made it up.
Nothing is real.
Grow up.
♪ [Music stops abruptly] [Girl screaming] [Screaming] ♪ I'm sorry.
Milo, I'm scared.
Did you know that Mercury is actually the hardest planet to see with our bare eyes?
All I know is that it must be in retrograde.
I don't think that's possible.
Even though we don't have time to go to NASA to warn them about the asteroid anymore... There's no asteroid, Milo.
Where are you trying to go with that?
Did you also know that there is a 1 in 300,000 chance that an asteroid will actually hit the Earth and cause a global catastrophe?
What are the odds that I end up in the perfect place with the right person to see that happening?
[Click] ♪ Man: What are you kids doing here?
Milo: It's okay.
I'll just say it was me.
I'll turn myself in, and... No, Milo, look.
The asteroid.
♪ You were right.
♪ ♪ Imagine having perfect self-control.
Never overeating, never pouring that drink one too many, stopping yourself before you make a single wrong decision.
Self-control can be so hard.
Have a wandering eye?
Want to remain faithful?
Don't leave it up to you.
Leave it up to The Company.
With a simple non-invasive procedure inserted right behind the eye, your dream life can become a reality.
[Door opening] Side effects may include b... [Ding] Orderly: She'll be all right in the morning.
Just check the incision point for any signs of infection.
But, of course, it's unlikely.
I'm all right.
Man: Your service has been much appreciated.
Yes.
Yeah, thank you so much.
Orderly: Change the bandages once before bed, twice for the next two days, cleaning the area in between.
[Laughs] You won't feel the effects until the morning, I'm afraid.
Oh.
[Laughs] Suppose I'm a bit excited.
Give our thanks to The Company.
♪ [Bell dings] [Door shutting] ♪ [Alarm going off] ♪ [Beep] [Ding] [Laughs] ♪ [Eerie notes playing] [Eerie notes playing] [Eerie humming] Hmm.
[Eerie humming] [Eerie humming] [Eerie humming] [Eerie humming] [Eerie humming] [Electronic sound] Hmm.
Guess I do need to cut back on the drinking.
[Makes popping sound with lips] Finally, one drink is enough, girl.
[Dog barking] [Sighing] [Woman laughing] Oh, my!
For me?
Woman: Mm-hmm.
Why, look at you.
Woman: Mmm.
Man: Mm.
Good?
Man: Mm-hmm.
Oh, man.
Hey, I'm all for supporting you in this new procedure, but you don't have to change and start waiting on me, I hope you know.
Hey, now that I can make a perfect martini, why not share the gift?
Besides, I already hit my limit for the day, so, someone ought to enjoy it.
Try and feed me some.
[Electronic sound] [Both laugh] Man: Oh!
Oh.
I know you-- Woman: No.
Ah!
[Laughs] I can't wait to show off the new me this weekend.
[Electronic vibration] You didn't forget to put out that cheese the Albertsons like, right?
Man: Yeah, yeah, I'll do it now.
Hey.
Hey.
[Woman groans] Everything's gonna be great, okay?
I know, it's just... a lot of these people I haven't seen since... Since New Year's.
That was before.
You're different now.
And, frankly, I think our relationship's the best it's ever been.
[Sports announcer on TV] Damn.
I wish I could convince Suzie to get one of those.
Whatever you do, don't tell her you want her to.
She'll never do it.
That's how women are.
[Laughing] Come on, it can't be that great.
I mean, what's even in it for you?
In it for me?!
Besides my wife doing literally everything better?
Everything.
That's not really a problem when your wife is as hot as mine.
Ha!
That's even more reason to get the glitch!
The what?
You've heard of the husband stitch, right?
Well, this implant, it's got a husband "glitch."
Let's just say, you don't have to worry about your wife ever being in "the mood" again.
Marc knows what I'm talking about.
Hey, look, look, she just doesn't love you if you need some kind of glitch to get her to f-- you.
Man: Oh, hey now!
Honestly, I have not been this happy post-divorce since I got the implant.
Seeing all this, how happy you guys are, makes me tempted.
But Frank... [Laughter] ...really wants me to.
Makes me skeptical.
I mean, typical Frank.
Why don't you just tell him to get one himself?
I mean, it's a really easy procedure, right?
I've been trying.
You guys really like this thing.
Hell, yeah!
Well, what if you want to take it out?
Woman: What?
Like, get it removed?
You can get it removed.
Removed?
But why would you want to?
It is a little more invasive, and there's a longer waiting period.
Yeah, okay, but there's only a longer waiting period because they have to fly in a specialist doctor to do the surgery, because so few people want to get it done.
I mean, what are you gonna do?
Like, gouge out your own eye?
Woman: Ew!
[Laughs] Okay, okay.
Look at me.
I have complete control of my life.
I don't even need to worry about self-control.
Check this out.
[All gasp] Oh, no.
Woman: I'm sorry.
Come on.
[Laughter] Clumsy girl.
Okay, Since when am I the bigger klutz?
Oh, implying I am?
I mean, if the shoe fits... Mm... Bobbi, are we forgetting that time... Don't say the lake incident.
Okay?
That was college.
Oh, mm-hmm.
Bobbi: Yeah.
[Laughs] [Heart beating] [Electronic hum] [Gasps] What was that?
The implant.
What, you can't touch anyone besides Marc?
No!
No, um, it's... ♪ Bobbi: What?
This whole implant thing-- It's fine, okay?
Let's just go back.
Hi, girls.
[Gasp] Hey, how are you?
[All talking at once] Look who it is.
[Voices merging into loud hum] [Laughter echoing] Marc: I know, isn't she amazing?
I feel so lucky to be married to her.
Yeah, we missed you two the other night.
Things are certainly better now since New Year's.
I mean, yeah, God, it was embarrassing.
My wife that drunk?
The drunkness is one thing, I mean, but how she was acting with Bobbi... How embarrassing for my wife to be all close up to another woman, in front of everyone.
Yeah.
Let's just say she was eager to make it up to me.
I mean, it's the same as her drinking, you know?
She doesn't have self-control.
[Distant siren wailing] Which is what gave me the idea.
[Electronic humming] Yeah, I had a few, uh, tasteful hints.
[Electronic buzzing] [Electronic humming] ♪ Joanna, you know, whatever it is... I can't stand this f--ing thing in my head anymore.
I'm done.
I told you, Joanna.
Why didn't you listen to me?
I know!
Okay?
I know you told me not to.
Okay, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I don't know why I would say that right now.
I just saw how it made all those other people's lives so much better.
So much simpler and easier.
They never had to question anything.
All I wanted was to not be so exhausted anymore.
To not wonder what to do.
Everything I've ever wanted my whole life has felt wrong.
But this?
This has made it all more --.
[Electronic wave] [Water splashing] [Sets glass down hard] I can't even take a drink anymore.
♪ I can't even touch you.
Joanna.
Get it taken out.
I can't.
It's this-- it's this whole process.
Paperwork.
They don't make it easy.
Bobbi: So?
It's worth it.
You don't need this thing in your head.
I don't know how much more I can take.
I'll be right here.
You'd think the most frustrating thing about all of this is I don't have control over my body anymore.
But I'm starting to realize I don't think I ever did.
Marc: Hey, sweetheart.
[Laughs] You just look radiant.
I... What's the matter?
I know what will cheer you up.
[Electronic waves] Why don't we do that thing that I... I'm not in the mood.
Whoa.
Whoa.
This isn't... Marc, Marc, stop.
Marc, stop.
I'm not doing this.
There must be something wrong with the implant.
You said it yourself.
Your sex drive is low sometimes.
Come on.
It's just me.
It was your idea to get this, you remember?
[Piercing electronic hum] This is not what I wanted.
[Electronic hum gets louder] [Joanna crying] [Sighing shakily] [Electronic rumbling] [Marc sighing] [Dinging] ♪ Darling, is that you?
[Sighing] You know I hate to ask, but since you're up, I'd just kill for one of those martinis you make, if you don't mind.
[Door opening] In a better mood, are we?
What's with the get-up?
Going somewhere?
[Electronic humming] [Clink] [Gasping] What the f--?!
Joanna!
[Exclaiming] ♪ ♪ [Clacking with each letter] ♪ [Birds chirping] [Windchimes sounding] So, you were okay doing your own makeup today?
Girl: Yeah.
Because I know you like me to do your makeup for you.
I wanted you to shade my... shade me, but... How did you survive without me?
Woman: It was hard.
[Girl laughs] I'm my mom's personal makeup artist.
Mom: She does my makeup all the time.
Every time she goes out-- "Can you do my makeup?
Can you do my eyebrows before I go?"
I used to love doing my makeup and having a full face, but nowadays, like, I don't know why, I just am the opposite now.
Like, I just like to do minimal makeup.
Mom: 'Cause you don't need a lot of makeup.
Girl: That's true.
Mom: Wow.
[Laughs] [Girl laughs] Mom: Not to play favorites, but Brittny was the cutest.
Brittny: Oh, my God.
You can't say that.
Mom: Yeah, I can.
Brittny: She kept pushing the issue of wanting to come visit me.
So, one day I was like, "I just have to tell her because I don't know how much longer I can keep up with this lie.
And I don't really want to anymore."
♪ [Neon sign buzzing] [Traffic sounds] Brittny: My journey with pole dancing actually started kind of, like, backwards in the normal journey.
I actually started in the club, where pole dancing originates from.
I didn't really know how to work the pole that well at the time.
I would just, like, kind of do, like, simple spins, I'd do a lot of floor work, and that's how I made my money.
And I realized, like, "Oh, this is way harder than I ever thought it was," and I didn't even know where to begin.
I was like, "I can't even climb this pole, it's so hard."
And I would watch a lot of my coworkers who were just so good on the pole, and I'd be like, "Oh, my God, like, they're so, like, mesmerizing."
♪ Working as a sex worker, it was emotionally draining, but it was also weirdly empowering, in some ways.
And I know a lot of people don't really understand that.
I felt a little bit more in control over my autonomy in some ways than I did when I was working as a server in a restaurant.
It helped me to really, like-- it helped me with my independence, just to... be on my own.
Mom: Why would Jazz choose that sweater for her birthday?
Brittny: Oh, I'm letting them put it on her alter.
Mom: No!
[Gasps] Brittny: Like they're both trying to communicate to me.
I think I just thought, like, "Oh, I can't--" like, "Dance is just a hobby.
I can't really do anything with it."
I remember thinking that, and so, that's why I didn't pursue it when I was dancing.
So much that it's really hard to leave the industry, and it's really hard to, like, go back to a regular job, because you wonder, like, "Why am I doing this work for pennies?"
However, there's always, like, two sides of the coin, um, to any job.
Like, there was times where I did feel like I was losing confidence.
And that's when you start to feel, like, that feeling of, um... the not empowering moments, which can feel, um... [Sighs] I guess it could feel, like, exploitative, in a way.
Stripping is pretty much a customer service.
[Laughs] We're providing a type of service to customers, and they already have their ideas of who you are and what you are, and they treat you as such, and they treat you like you don't deserve respect, because you're there working, and they have no idea, like, who you are and, like, how intelligent you possibly can be.
Like I was gonna major in fine arts, and I was, like, literally one class away from transferring, and then I couldn't pass my math class.
And I was like, "-- it, I'm not gonna finish."
[Mom and Brittny laugh] Mom: This was right before... This is when we took you to Spice Girls.
This is right before we took you to see Spice Girls.
Oh, it was?
Yeah, we went to-- We went in a limo.
Brittny: Oh my gosh.
Mom: It was so fun.
Brittny: I didn't know that was the same day as the Spice Girls.
No, it was, like, literally the weekend before.
Oh!
I remember I started crying at the Spice Girls concert.
[Laughs] That was the Spice Girls concert, I think.
Yeah, this was the Spice Girls concert, except you didn't get a picture of me.
Mom: I love, love live music.
That's my favorite thing, and I love jazz.
I love jazz too, because that's what I grew up with.
My dad was a jazz fanatic.
Grandpa Joe would listen to jazz from the morning he got up to the minute he went to bed.
I... like, pretty much most of the music that you like, I like.
Except for, I don't like country the way you like country.
Dana: Oh, yeah, I love country, too.
I just can't-- I can't do it.
Brittny: My mom put me in ballet when I was really little.
I would cry when she would leave me, because I had, like, abandonment issues, and she leave-- like, "No, don't leave me."
So she just, like, stopped putting me in it, and then she would put me back in it when I was, like, eight or nine.
♪ Dana: I've always loved anything to do with dance, ballet.
I love ballet.
Wish I would have taken more dance classes when I was younger.
♪ Brittny: I didn't choose this career because I was desperate.
I chose it because it was an option, and it's something that I am okay with doing, whereas other people won't do it because they have those views, and they don't want to be judged by society.
There's so many people who do it and maybe aren't strippers.
And you can have your view about strippers-- that's fine.
However, I don't agree with pole dancers that think that they're better than strippers, because, for one, how can you be better than them when the art that you're doing is what's created by them?
Just give respect and give credit where credit is due, because we're your mothers, baby.
We are your mothers.
♪ Some of the risks that come with working in the industry are, you know, the obvious ones, like your safety.
I did always feel some type of way leaving work, like, "Am I going to be safe today walking to my car?"
I would have to look around.
I would sometimes, like, walk out with another worker, or I would ask security to, like, keep a lookout for me.
Especially people, like, when you knew that they would come regularly to see you, and they kind of were already pushing boundaries, and you felt like they were really adamant about wanting to see you outside of the club.
Those parts can be very scary.
[Women laughing] My mom's relationship is that, at the time when she found out, we were a little bit, um... estranged from each other.
Like, I wasn't feeling as close to her.
I was kind of, like, backing off.
We weren't talking as much.
I was 26.
And then, um... So, I told her.
I was like, "Ma, I have to tell you the truth.
This is what I'm doing, and I didn't tell you, because I knew that you probably wouldn't approve.
And, you know, it's just temporary."
Like, I was trying to, like, soften the blow, like, as much as I could, and her reaction wasn't positive.
She just wasn't happy.
She's like, "What if I told you... What if you found out your little sister was gonna do this?"
or whatever.
And... And when she said that, you know, like, of course it makes you think, puts it into different perspective.
Dana: Well, I'm gonna be honest, I was-- I wouldn't say upset.
I was more worried.
But you were, though.
I mean, let's face it.
What kind of men go in there?
You know.
Not all of them are gonna be weirdos, I know that.
But I would say half of them are, and I didn't want her to be around those type of men.
Maybe they'd follow her home or... But then, after a while, you know, she was already... you know, older, 30, and I'm like, "Well, she's a big girl, and I hope that she can..." Well, when I was-- No, when I was... Continue dancing there, but make the right choices, like, don't go and befriend somebody that's gonna be harmful.
And I knew she was probably gonna do pole dancing for the experience.
Well, I mainly wanted to make money.
[Laughs] I didn't want anything else from it.
And I just saw it as an option.
I was like, "Oh, I could make some money here."
But knowing her, I knew that it was probably something she wasn't gonna do for long.
I said, "She's probably just gonna do it," like you said, "for the experience, the money, fun."
You know, let's face it, she was young and gorgeous, and it was probably a lot of fun.
And I had to just let her do her thing, let her find her way.
And I think she was more worried about what I would say as far as... I guess you could say she didn't want to disappoint me.
So, she kept things from me.
She's always been-- I think we've been very, very close.
Without crying, I think we've been really close.
It's okay, Ma.
♪ Dana: It's been rough.
[Crying] I'm just glad that, like, your views have changed.
Yeah, and it's just good to know that you don't judge me for that decision anymore.
Dana: Mm-hmm.
You don't judge any dancers anymore?
Dana: No, I don't.
Brittny: Yeah?
No.
Brittny: I think I'm just glad to hear that.
Dana: Yeah.
Brittny: That's all.
I think it's great the way God makes us go through different eras in our life, you know?
Now I'm... Brittny: To lead us somewhere?
Yeah, I just feel like, you know, there comes a day when you're in your late 40s, where you're just like, "You know what?
You just gotta let your children do what they want to do.
As long as they're happy.
That's what matters most.
Let your family-- let your children do what they're meant to be," you know?
And I'm glad that I'm able to sit here and just say that now.
Like, "You know what?
I want to accept my kids, whatever journey and career they choose."
Brittny: Yeah.
Dana: I always had in mind of her being a dance teacher.
I really do.
Um... Being a dance teacher of many different types of dance, to-- Brittny: Really?
I didn't know that.
Dana: And she likes children, so I thought, "Maybe one day she'll work with children."
That's funny.
I didn't know you thought that.
Because that's where I'm at now.
I'm basically a dance teacher.
I always kind of thought that in the back of my mind.
But, once again, I wanted her to make-- I wanted it to come from her, what she wanted to do.
Brittny: Like find it myself organically.
Dana: Find it herself, yeah.
And not have to... kind of-- I guess I didn't want to force it, whatever comes naturally to her, because that's the kind of child she's always been.
She likes to row her own boat, so I wanted it to come from... Brittny: "Row her own boat"?
I never heard that before.
Dana: I wanted it to come from-- from her.
Something I wish more people understood about stripping is that... it's still a job.
And it's just an option.
It's not something that defines you, and it shouldn't be something that demonizes anyone, because... at the end of the day, our bodies are just bodies.
And why are we demonizing our bodies?
I wish people would just realize it's just a job, and we just happen to be okay with being a little sexy to do it.
♪ ♪ ♪ Girl: And I guess it's just, well, I don't know.
It's... It's like a fear that something's always watching me, and like I'm always being analyzed.
[Smack] And my thoughts too, like, if I think something wrong, then it might come true.
[Tsk tsk tsk] Girl: But then I can't stop thinking about that.
And it just keeps on going and spiraling.
And, um, yeah, I just-- I really want to make it stop.
I'm really scared of, um... of dying.
Uh... [giggles] It's like one of my biggest fears, I'd say, but sometimes I think, you know, well, I can't help but wonder, like, will this feeling only stop when I'm dead?
Okay, so I'm gonna stop you right there.
I am a mandated reporter, and so, legally, I'm required-- by law-- to legally call for assistance if I feel like you may be a danger to yourself or to others.
You understand.
Yes?
Oh, okay.
Sorry, I've never really done this before.
I-- I didn't mean, you know-- I'm not saying that I want to kill myself.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[Laughs] Think the next thought through.
I will have to call it in if I feel like you may be a danger to yourself or to others.
Sorry, I didn't know, like... So, like, wait, what's the protocol for that?
Like, I can't talk about death in general, or I just can't talk about my death?
Do-- Don't make me do it.
I'll do it.
Ah... Ah... [Silly voice] Hello?
[Comical sigh] But I will have to call it in if I feel like you may be a danger to yourself or to others.
Girl: No, yeah, I get it.
Now, where were we?
I was just saying that, like, I've had these feelings for... for a long time now, and I'm just looking for ways to help-- Therapist: Ooh, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah!
Oh!
Charley horse.
[Laughs] Oh.
Continue.
Um... I just... I don't know.
Like, I have this thing.
I don't know where it came from, but when I'm going somewhere on a plane, I can't help but think that... [Candy opening, noisy sucking] Ugh, cherry.
[Spits, thud] Oh, should I...?
Do you want me to keep going?
Go on, go on, go on.
You were talking about the, um, the, uh... Girl: Going somewhere on a plane?
Therapist: Going, yes, somewhere to-- Plane.
Plane.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah... Um... I'm really afraid of flying, so... Well, I'm always scared that if I don't pray beforehand and watch the flight thing where you can see where you are and how much time is left, that the plane's gonna crash.
And it makes no sense, because if the plane crashes, it crashes.
Like, I can't do anything about it, but still, I feel like I have to monitor the number going up and up and up, and I can't not do it, and I can't stop myself from doing it, even though, logically, it doesn't make sense or even make a difference, and-- and-- What are you doing?
Are you vaping?
[Coughing] Yes.
[Coughing] Okay... [Laughing nervously] Dr.
Cooper, not sure this is for me.
I think I'm actually just gonna go, maybe.
You know, thank you for your, um... Dr.
Cooper: Ah, it's cold, cold, cold, cold.
Cold water's good.
Okay.
[Clearing throat] Sit, sit, sit down, sit down.
Okay, so... Let me impart a little something that I think could help with your-- you know-- thing.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Is that it?
Ooh, we're at time!
God, you know what they say, time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Ha!
Oh, but, really, thank you.
Thank you so much for this.
I feel like we're making tremendous breakthroughs, just really amazing, amazing breakthroughs.
It's wonderful to see, really.
It's good, good stuff, okay?
Oh, and of course, if you need anything, anything at all, just call... my assistant, Alan, Monday through Tuesday between the hours of one and three.
No bank holidays, right?
[Laughing] Right.
Okay, thank you, sweetie.
Really, really great work today, okay?
[Cutsie] Okay, bye-bye.
[Door slamming] [Screaming] Alan, what do you want for lunch?!
What do you want for lunch?
[Notification dings] [Leaves being raked] [Sucks in air] Ow.
[Plane flying] [Sighing] Last time I get a therapist.
[Mocking] "Why don't you go to therapy?"
they said.
Oh, hi, hi.
Yes, hi.
I was wondering if Dr.
Jacobs was taking on any new patients at this time, or... Okay, cool.
Yeah.
What's her next availability, do you think?
Okay.
Also, do you guys take insurance?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
Thank you.
[Church bell ringing] [Church choir singing] [Birds chirping] ♪ [Thuds of tape being inserted] [Machine whirring] [Engine revving] Announcer: Your lips are gonna drive people wild.
With a sleek design in lipstick.
Announcer: One day, you realize you're not going to be 21 forever, yet you always want to look your best.
Announcer: Clean makeup.
You look clean, and that's sexy.
♪ Cover... ♪ [Audio glitching] Girl: I think when I put on makeup, and I have-- and I have the glitter on, and I have the color on, I feel... When I put on makeup, sometimes I feel like I do look more myself, sometimes, or like, yeah, like the me I want to put out.
Um, my name is Biannca Ibarra- Olalde, pronouns "she/her."
What else did I need to say?
[Laughing] I was very tomboyish, and it was kind of like making a statement, almost.
Because I was very upset when I was little, hearing my relatives or other people talk to me and my brothers differently.
They would always ask me, like-- or say, like, "When you get married, what are you going to do?
Where are you going to have your wedding?
Where are you thinking?"
For, like, kids' names, but, like, for my brothers or, like, boys, they would never ask them that.
And I would always get really upset, because I was like, "I don't want to do that.
That's not how I think about my future."
So, when I was little, I was like, "I'm not going to do any girly things.
I'm not going to wear pink.
I'm not going to like makeup.
I'm not going to like wearing dresses."
So, my mom was very upset.
And it's like, "No, baby girl, you're just queer, and you didn't know how to express it, but you're also upset at the world around you."
Um, I work as a peer mentor, and I think it helps to see an elder queer person expressing themselves in the way that they like or in, like, a big-ish way.
It helps younger queer people to see that.
As a freshman, coming in and being on the pride floor and, like, just wanting to see queer people out, because I'm from a more conservative area, it was really nice to see just queer people existing, but also, like, having an actual, like, style that reflected them.
I think my favorite part product-wise-- love eyeshadow.
Eyeshadow is my favorite part.
I feel like that's the most creative you can get with it in terms of, like, color.
And then, I can also add, like, the glitter that I want to add, or I can decide, like, if I want to have colored [Laughs] eyeliner.
I'm like, "Oh, I need to use this eyeshadow for this, this and this."
I really like the amount of creativity you can get.
[Spraying] [Coughing] Jesus Christ.
And... Let me see how it looks with my hair, and then maybe we'll change something.
No, I like it, actually.
Yeah.
It's the completed look.
[Laughing] Um... I'm feeling kind of elfy with this look, which is very silly.
I think I care a lot more about how I'm perceived now than I did back then.
Hi, my name is Asa Horpayak, and I use "she/they" pronouns.
I feel like, growing up, I had a really robust art practice, because I was homeschooled by my mom.
So, instead of hanging out with people, I would make art.
And so, learning, like, painting before I learned makeup kind of influenced how I liked to do makeup when I began, because it was all about color and glitter and, like, shapes.
I think my makeup routine when I started, it was mascara-- just some random, like, drugstore mascara, top lashes only, no eyeliner-- a highlighter from a brand that doesn't exist anymore-- no base, by the way-- highlight, no base-- and then a vibrant liquid lipstick.
Back then, I was just having a lot of fun putting different colors and glitters on my face.
And today, because it's more of a routine thing, it falls more into, "How am I being perceived by other people?"
With the way that I do my makeup nowadays, I definitely like having it be sort of like a softer, sort of, like, natural glam fit to my face that can garner attention from anyone on any gender side of the spectrum.
And so, that perception has definitely changed how I interact with makeup now, for sure.
As life kind of gets busier and I find myself in a lot of time of wearing makeup more often, it can definitely be very vulnerable and kind of scary to be like, "Oh, my god, I'm barefaced, and nobody-- nobody's gonna recognize it--" you know, whatever it is, but I think it helps to sort of play with the outfit, in that sense of, like, "Oh, I don't want to touch my skin today," if I'm, like, experiencing a little bit of, like, an acne breakout.
I can play it up with the outfit or the opposite and be like, "Okay, well, if I definitely don't want anyone to perceive me without makeup, then I can wear an outfit that no one's gonna pay all that much attention to," and just go in, like, sweats or something.
So, I think that's an interesting component to have the makeup and the outfit work together like that, just as a way to sort of navigate that vulnerability in everyday life.
Part of it is like a comfort thing, because if I wanna go out into the world and not have to be fully exposed, I can put on a crazy outfit, and I can put on a bunch of makeup, and then be like, "Nobody knows what I really look like."
You know what I mean?
Like, it's armor, in a way, to make me feel protected in my day-to-day life.
I also think gender is such a performance that makeup is a way to craft it.
My name is Frida Ramos-Casas, and my pronouns are "they/them."
I've been doing makeup... pss... I'd say I started really dabbling my freshman year of high school.
So, when I was like 14 or 15.
I think makeup is empowering.
It enhances the features that you already have.
And it makes me feel a little bit more ready.
It gives me a little bit more confidence to go through the day.
Well, I definitely got my inspiration of all the dramatic colors and everything from drag and watching Drag Race when I was little with my mom.
I mean, I was like, "Oh, if they can do it, then I can definitely do some version of that."
My clown is-- or what we learned for our clowns is that it is your innermost self.
It's like your most innocent, childlike self portrayed.
And in my makeup, I basically did what I normally do, but with little eyes, and I jut them out like three spikes to show, like, what eyeliner could be, but it's more of a dramatic look.
I make my eyebrows all big, but I still keep the slit in my eyebrow.
I do a lipstick, and I do two cheeks, but I don't blend it out, even though some people do, and I got a-- I got a big mustache for my clown makeup, just to show that I'm a [Deep voice] man!
But I feel like when I have my clown makeup on, I can truly do kind of whatever I want.
I really appreciate my clown makeup versus my normal, everyday makeup, because it-- it actually feels more like me.
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The Mixtape for The End of The World
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