>> SHELETTA: WHEN DID I GET THIS OLD?

IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY THAT I WAS FULL OF LIFE AND ENERGY.

UNLIMITED POSSIBILITIES AHEAD.

BUT AT SOME POINT, THE YEARS STARTED PASSING MORE QUICKLY.

AND NOW I'M "MATURE."

I'M COUNTING MY PILLS IN MY VERY OWN GRANNY BOX.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, A GOOD NAP IS NOW A GOOD TIME.

I'LL BE GETTING IN THE BED WHEN IT'S STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE.

IF I GO TO A PARTY THAT STARTS AFTER 4:00 P.M., BEYONCE OR CATHY WURZER BETTER BE THERE.

IF I WANT TO BE HAPPY, I'M HOME AT THE END OF HAPPY HOUR.

I'M AT THE DOCTORS OFFICE AND PICK UP A MAGAZINE AND FIND THE TOPICS SO INTERESTING.

THEN I REALIZE I'M READING THE A.A.R.P.

MAGAZINE.

WHEN I'M AROUND OTHER PEOPLE, I HAVE TO NEGOTIATE WITH MY OWN BODY NOT TO MAKE THAT UNDIGNIFIED NOISE AS I GET OUT OF A LOW CHAIR.

Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

WHY DID I THINK THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN TO ME?

THEY TOLD ME CHILDREN WOULD KEEP ME YOUNG.

SO I HAD FOUR OF 'EM.

THEY DIDN'T SAY, BUT FIRST THEY WOULD MAKE ME OLD.

BUT REALLY, I CAN'T COMPLAIN.

MY BUBBLY PERSONALITY HASN'T GONE COMPLETELY FLAT.

NO MATTER HOW "MATURE" I GET, I REMAIN IMMATURE.

AND HERE'S THE BEST PART: I GET TO BE AROUND REAL TWIN CITIES CELEBRITIES FOR PEOPLE MY AGE.

LIKE CATHY WURZER, ERIC ESKOLA, AND ALL THOSE POLITICAL SCIENCE PROFESSORS WHO DON'T MAKE UNDIGNIFIED NOISES WHEN THEY GET OFF THE "ALM