caring careers start here.com providing connections to the lives of Aging motans by helping people discover careers in caregiving more information at caring carear here.com you know how you stay young there's a saying that goes if you don't move you won't move and there's a lot of Truth to that so stay active because they will ask me how come you're still do I said I have to do these things I enjoy do do what you enjoy don't say you can't do [Music] it hi I'm Melissa Fritz host of inside senior living as a senior living consultant during the covid pandemic and a daughter who lost her father to alzheimer's dementia my inspiration for this work comes from a deep deeply personal place I've seen firsthand the challenges family face when navigating the complexities of Aging over the years I've dedicated myself to equipping older adults and their families with the information and resources they need to make the best decisions whether that means receiving care in their own home or making a move to a senior living community and as we all age this need is only going to grow that's why we're on a mission to spark conversations support caregivers provide valuable resources and promote a more age-friendly world do everything meet Shirley a vibrant woman in her 9s who defies expectations a true matriarch of a close multi-generational family surely balances her active lifestyle with the love and support she gives her children and grandchildren glma is a light she's the person that walks into her room and people are drawn to her she's just a very glamorous person from the inside out so you know we took glamorous and Grandma and put him together Shirley how does it feel to hear your children and your granddaughter describe you it's wonderful I love it my mother and my grandmother were my biggest Inspirations my mother she was really gifted and smart and she just did everything and and that's where I got it from I guess I left home at 18 I graduated at 18 and the following week I was here because my sister and I were very close and she had moved up here the year before I could hardly get through my senior year for wanting to be up here with her and my mom got sick after I left home but because Deo Iowa wasn't that far we were going back and forth all the no no freeways but we were going back and forth all the time and then in September this was in June in September I asked her would you like for me to come home and take care of you and she said no you have a job and you I want you to stay there with your job so that you can take care of yourself my mom was a very very good mom um manners were very important to them we called everybody Mr and M we didn't know people's first name back then um she participated in my dancing which I started at 4 years old tapping belly she was there every week taking notes we enjoyed that and we cooked together I was a pioneer girl so we cooked together we did shop together we did a lot of things together when I was a little girl up until my sixth grade year the best I remember my mother was always being there um excellent hom maker uh everything in the house was in order everything in my life was in order when my parents got divorced uh in sixth grade I think it affected her my mother in a way that enabled her to grow to become uh a woman I don't even know what she knew at that time who she was I watched my mom completely change from not not quiet but [Music] more subdued then watch her flourish in her life become uh the woman who she is now my mom started working at honey well I don't remember how old I was and imagine this she was a desk girl she started out I worked for honey well for 30 years and I actually broke two barriers there I started in the factory then I became the first African-American desk clerk they ever had then I became the first African-American woman production coordinator so I was real excited about that because there were so many things before I went to Honeywell that I wanted to do and could not do them because of being an African-American the first thing was I wanted to be an airline they called him stewardesses at that time and my mother said to me honey they don't have colored they called us colored then they don't have colored stewardesses and I cried Shirley's story is one of professional accomplishment self-determination and optimism her strength is mirrored in her children who've had their own series of challenges tell me about your military service awesome my military service was wonderful I wanted to go after high school I was only 17 my parents wouldn't sign for me so six days before I graduated from college I joined the National Guard oh boy my dad did not like that at all but I promised him that I would become an officer and so I was the first African-American to graduate from the Minnesota Military Academy and uh got I was a school teacher for about 16 years and I had a daycare in my house for about 2 years and then um I was diagnosed with Goma so I had to retire kind of early and now that I've lost my sight completely I still do my adaptive Sports I travel around the country and from like uh February through September I'm somewhere every month sometimes twice month they allow me to drive the carts when I'm golfing they allow me to drive a snowmobile in Colorado and that's what I do I just do adapt to sports I just think I have a wonderful life truly I do cuz not too many people get to do all these things you know and had I not lost my sight I might not be doing all these things so yeah I have a very positive outlook about that part oh well like I say my daughter Taps into everything okay that's the way I have to explain that she really does and I'm so proud of her for not being afraid to do anything and and like like I say she has more she's always had more guts than I've had who helps you Deanna um who helps me I have a nurse that's through the VA she comes out and sets up my medication for me and then I have someone that comes I have 10 hours a week they come and help me with my shopping and my cleaning I do my own cooking in laundry but so that that's really about the help well Mom's always running me somewhere CU I always got other stuff to do you know when Danny uh he's he was spoiled I probably spoiled him she was my daughter was a daddy's girl okay anything she wanted or he would do with her or see to it that she did it and then I was kind of like that with Danny and um when he decided to go into the military I thought I was going to have a stroke as far as joining the military my father was really not happy with it nor but he didn't fight me on it he asked me was I sure that that's what I wanted to do my mother uh I don't think she really really cared for it either uh especially when I told her I was going to jump out of airplanes um I was that kid who was afraid of heights I couldn't even walk on the outside of the Bridge Crossing 35W I mean I I really couldn't and for for some reason I wanted to jump out airplanes do something different um I think my mother's very very proud of it now of the things that I did but she also sees the effects of some of the things that I went through and the challenges that I've had through the last couple decades because of it I think for the first 10 or 20 years I was out I had no idea on how the impact of couple events that happened in my life because I think part of the military mentality is whatever happens happens and you deal with it that's just the way it is and you don't you don't own up to it because if something traumatic happens physically and mentally you'll lose your you'll lose your air traffic control status you lose your jump status you lose all this then you change career Fields so all that did was feed into the mentality that I decided to adopt when I was 6 years old playing football like I'm okay so the impact that it's had uh I thank God for my now former wife of 10 years Tammy she started to oh bring to my attention uh how I was living uh my eating patterns my sleeping patterns becoming aware of it made me realize that maybe my choices of using drugs and alcohol over the decades was because of that uh that's the I guess the downside of it the upside is that purpose the Mantra or the motto of Leave No Man Behind uh is greater than just the battlefield uh for me and a few other guys that just recently met at the St Cloud VA hospital um we out to get the homeless guys uh pull them off the street and hopefully give them some hope because I've been going through this for three decades and I understand I would encourage veterans to reach out and um you know even if you don't need assistance with a particular issue right now sometimes you don't know what you don't know um so the best thing you can do is as I said go to your county veteran service officer and just sit down and have the conversation about what all is out there and what all you may be eligible for and I said as I said also it's not a lifetime once you learn that information once it's not static information it's something that changes over time uh I guess with that too uh uh goes back to uh uh my own stepfather who's a Vietnam vet vetan uh and it's kind of common in the older generations and I think in a lot of men as in general as well but um they don't want to ask because they're afraid it'll take away from someone else and it's simply not the case um actually by not going and getting those services from the VA um they don't have the status or or they don't have the statistics to show their need and to show that the budgets are necessary to provide the funding for those services so um when you're enrolled in the VA hospital or when you're receiving a VA disability compensation that is mandatory funding that that goes every year and the more uh people that are added to those roles the more money that goes to VA to provide that it takes away from no one through it all surely's the glue that holds the family together well I think the thing I most part of is my mother is how she has kept her family together there's been a lot of trials and tribulations but mama's always been there no matter what's going on no matter what you did she will forgive you and carry on it's just she's just been a good mom wonderful mom my mother's support has been to the point where if it wasn't for her support I probably wouldn't have have a relationship with my children uh I went through Decades of struggles and in and out of different facilities and we used to come here to this very house my mother would pick up my children and we would come and spend the weekend here her faith has held her through not only my Antics but life in general I mean life is tough and it becomes more tough when you watch your children struggle and uh if if it wouldn't be for the Lord honestly uh I think she would have given given up Beyond her role in the family Shirley's passions keep her thriving whether it's creating a business sewing dolls striking a pose for the camera or singing in the choir Shirley's a tesate to the power of staying physically and socially active my grandmother was a seamstress my mother was a seamstress and my sister and I became seam everybody in the family sold so first they started out with clothes then they moved into the uh rag kind of dolls and then they moved into the ones that actually have the plastic arms and they they are just beautiful the dolls are something her glamma and her sister Aunt Gloria started uh a while back and I think from what I understand it was just for fun um and then it kind of you know turned into a business we decided to start making dolls and other crafts uh like bag ladies they old with the oldfashioned hair and and then you put the your plastic bags in you could hang them on the wall we used to be vendors in California especially during black history month and then in Vegas also in the stores with they would you could sit in the aisles uh we walk around to the different stores and they'd have vendors there and we would be vendors with our dolls it was just something we enjoy doing my first doll was the cloth doll and it has a uh an outfit that I also have so we I have a matching outfit with this doll and it's so cute I still have the outfit it is hanging at my mother's house uh specifically in what we call the grandbaby room um and everybody knows they're not allowed to touch it this is not I am here at the Sebastian Community Center for the opening of the new Museum this is Black History Mar and I will be with the vocal Essence vintage fer to do the opening of the program take a deep breath in and I love it love it love it it's called vocal Essence sabathney vintage choir vocal Essence is a big group of people that I think they have over a hundred people in the choir in fact I sang with them for a couple years until I couldn't see the words anymore but she loves to sing and she's in a couple of choirs and I love that vintage choir it's just getting bigger and bigger every year was I don't think there was half this many people when I was singing it's um she loves it she absolutely loves it and the performance she is the choir Diva she is the church Diva wherever she goes she is the Diva then when she turned 60 I found this modeling thing in the newspaper I said let's go out there and try this so we went out there they were more interested in her and my son than they were me so she so she just moved down with it and she's been doing it ever since it's almost 31 years now LMA and I have a lot of similarities one of them being you know modeling and acting we both enjoy that a lot when my all my grandchildren at one time when they were younger I got tried to get them all into doing different things with me in the modeling and we were in uh I had them in the movie Jingle All The Way with Arnold Schwarzenegger and then whenever they had anything where they wanted children to to come to I would grabb all of them and take them and see that they do it and of course uh Carly liked and my daughter too we both modeled in style shows and stuff and then kly just continued with it it was something she really enjoyed so my my favorite memory I guess off the top of my head with my mother would be we all did a fashion show and I can't even remember how long ago it was it was my mother my sister Carly and I we did a fashion show and that's really not my thing but it was it was really enjoyable and I know how much it meant to her as well we also share a love for exercise um which or just being just being on the go you know like she really loves to walk that's um something I've really gotten into in the past couple of years of course with with uh with Co you know you turn into a dog like you're like yes I get to go outside and take a walk so we've been doing more of that and I'm really excited to bring her to a yoga class she's still quite limber and flexible for her age so I feel like glma might show me up a little bit in the class and I'm okay with that you know how you stay young there's a saying that goes if you don't move you won't move and there's a lot of Truth to that so stay active because they will ask me how come you're still do I said I have to do these things I enjoy do do what you enjoy don't say you can't do it she's still walking um not so much when it's really cold like this but in the summertime we walk a lot and I know she exercises all the time uh she likes to go in the SAA she was out more her lawn last September at 90 years old I called and said what are you doing M said I'm old the line oh boy but she's always been that way she been exercising all my life so that's just who she is oh my gosh that's my life is full and I'm involved probably in too many things I uh belong to a group called Aging but dangerous Shirley is one of our first you know I call her like a almost a founder of Aging with dangers it's just so important to me to get women communicating with each other if you're going through a bad time then let's talk about it or just get some help if you need it or do things that you want to do I mean it's just important I'm a firm believer in connecting even if it's just one person you know you just connect with them and start talking it just is like medicine while surely zest for Life keeps her active and engag aged her family especially her granddaughter Cari worry about surely living on her own my biggest concern I have for glamma is that she may not know when to stop going it is probably like her Kryptonite in a way it's one of her best attributes and I love that she's so young and Lively and Youthful I feel like in a way I don't have I don't have a grandparent in the way that other people have talked about their grandparents which I feel so blessed for but I do I do worry a little bit that I'm going to have to be like LMA maybe let's let's take a beat let's let's think about this let's sit down let's you know um finding that finding that happy balance between still letting her move and be her and vibrant and you know but there may come a time where there's a concern where we might have to have a more serious conversation to slow down as Shirley will admit she hasn't spent much time thinking about the future we Advocate people staying in their homes as long as they can but there's comes a time when you may not be able to do that so I have a aunt who's 90 plus she's still in her home I just talked to her yesterday and she's like I don't want to leave my home what am I going to do you know and then I was telling her but there is a community there once you get out and experience it you'll be surprised if I had to go to one of those places I would like for it to be where they have activities you can volun where and where you can volunteer to do things cuz I wouldn't want to sit out you know I could even take my sewing machine there proba I hope I could take my sewing machine I haven't done it now for a little while bit you had mentioned um if you had to move out of your house for a reason that you already kind of know a place that you'd be interested in yes yes and I can accept that I know you nothing lasts forever yes I can accept that and and uh there's a place I want to look at actually and CU it's right next to it's called sabathy housing and it's right next to the Sabbath Center where they have a lot of senior activities and just out of curiosity I would love to look at that place now I have a two bedroom for you Miss Shirley I think it's important for older adults to get out of their homes and find a community that's interested in some of the same things that they are so that's what we're trying to do here at the community center is provide the those programs sabathy Community Center Senior Living um Apartments came about because we saw uh a huge need we saw a lot of folks again losing their partners and have lived in this community 30 40 years and couldn't afford to stay in this community and we wanted to make it that we honored our seniors and that we did it in a way that they can stay in this community and the best way we could do that is by building an affordable apartment complex so folks can stand this community that they learn to love we don't call it a apartment complex we call it home because that is our that's home for our for our elders and they deserve it all right I love it I love this the tour we took at sabathy the sabathney housing I had always wanted to see that and I had never seen the apartments i' been there for lunchin which was very nice but uh it was interesting and I was glad that I could see it I don't know for sure if I would want to live there but it's a very nice place while the conversations about future planning may still be on the horizon for shirle and her family her wisdom and experience offers us some valuable lessons I think the biggest misconception about people aging is they have a tendency to think the number makes you old and you won't be able to do anything instead of understanding that I'm doing these things now why do I have to quit just because it says 80 or 90 you know that's that's the misconception I think they have if you have older adults in your life cherish every moment you can spend with them because you know none of us ever nobody gets out of here alive and you just want to spend as much time with them as you possibly him and do things for them give back the one thing I would like to impart with my family is for them to remain a family to love one another to stick together that's the main thing as we wrap up our time with Shirley we've witnessed the power of staying active and engaged and the importance of how families approach convers ations about aging next week we'll delve into the rich traditions of Native American culture with Elanor and Deb where the role of creative caregiving and lifelong learning play a crucial role in navigating the challenges for loved ones with cognitive or physical [Music] decline production of inside Senior Living is made possible by by Elder Mark Senior Living software helmouth and Johnson Lotus Pharmacy and kickernick gallery [Music]