Shriek of the Mutilated
Season 4 Episode 9 | 1h 56m 45sVideo has Closed Captions
A group of college students on a Yeti-hunting expedition.
This 1974 shlocker, which ostensibly is about a group of college students on a Yeti-hunting expedition that evolves into something far worse, inspires the Baron to dress Sapo up in an old bigfoot costume to pull off a Patterson-Gimlin scam - with sadly predictable results.
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Shriek of the Mutilated
Season 4 Episode 9 | 1h 56m 45sVideo has Closed Captions
This 1974 shlocker, which ostensibly is about a group of college students on a Yeti-hunting expedition that evolves into something far worse, inspires the Baron to dress Sapo up in an old bigfoot costume to pull off a Patterson-Gimlin scam - with sadly predictable results.
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Learn Moreabout PBS online sponsorship<b>The devil came to him.</b> <b>for he was a minor demon.</b> <b>Asked him to torture some humans</b> <b>with his two friends in tow</b> <b>Mittens and El Sapo</b> <b>The Baron Mondo Von Doren</b> <b>On Nightmare Theatre</b> <b>not mittens.</b> <b>You're looking at it the wrong way.</b> <b>They didn't</b> <b>scour the earth to find the guy</b> <b>who looked exactly like Leonard Nimoy.</b> <b>When they made him, they broke the mold.</b> <b>There's no one like them, like him,</b> <b>and there just never will be another one.</b> <b>He was perfection.
What?</b> <b>I know what you saw.</b> <b>I saw that episode, too.</b> <b>Star Trek.</b> <b>The original series Mirror Mirror,</b> <b>the fourth episode of season two,</b> <b>the so-called Evil Spock episode.</b> <b>But that was actually Leonard</b> <b>Nimoy playing Mr.</b> <b>Spock.</b> <b>See, all they had to do was paste</b> <b>a silly beard on Nimoy's face.</b> <b>Yeah.
Yeah.</b> <b>I mean, you're right.</b> <b>I like the beard, too.</b> <b>But here's the important concept.</b> <b>I want you to remember the evil twin.</b> <b>Any time a TV</b> <b>show hit a wall in terms of the rioting</b> <b>or what they could do,</b> <b>the old evil twin bit would come up.</b> <b>They did it on Star Trek.</b> <b>They did it on Gilligan's Island.</b> <b>Even Liberace played twins on Batman.</b> <b>And who can forget about Adam and Stuart</b> <b>Chandler on All My Children?</b> <b>There's millions of examples.</b> <b>Yeah, you're right.</b> <b>That old Superman episode</b> <b>where Boulder had plastic surgery</b> <b>to make him look like Superman</b> <b>could be considered a twin episode.</b> <b>Personally, I thought it was great</b> <b>when Little Joe and Hoss both had evil</b> <b>twin types on Bonanza.</b> <b>Now, that was an episode.
What?</b> <b>yeah.
Fake beards.</b> <b>Well, Little Joe had a mustache,</b> <b>but Hoss had a big old Pavarotti beard.</b> <b>They look completely different.</b> <b>No need to hire a new actor</b> <b>to play a role.</b> <b>All Ryder had to do was slap</b> <b>a beard or eye patch on an existing</b> <b>character, and voila, a new character.</b> <b>We're on later.</b> <b>I'll tell you about that time.</b> <b>They slapped a soul patch</b> <b>and a creepy mustache on David Hasselhoff</b> <b>and created the evil Garth Knight.</b> <b>You've got to see that episode.</b> <b>Hello and welcome to Nightmare Theater.</b> <b>I am your host,</b> <b>The Bear in Mondo Van Doren.</b> <b>And here with me is Mittens, the Werewolf.</b> <b>And we were just discussing</b> <b>great TV cliches as we wait</b> <b>for the greatest cliche of all time.</b> <b>El Sapo de Tempesto</b> <b>to show up with tonight's movie.</b> <b>He really ought to be here any second now.</b> <b>Here I am, fellas.
Well, it's about time.</b> <b>am I late?</b> <b>I lost all track of time tonight.</b> <b>Now, did.
You?
Yeah,</b> <b>but it wasn't my fault this time.</b> <b>Yeah, it was.
No,</b> <b>I just didn't know what time it was.</b> <b>And I missed my bus</b> <b>because my watch was stolen during.</b> <b>The riot riots.
The riot?</b> <b>I don't know if you would call it a riot.</b> <b>Maybe just a period of civil unrest,</b> <b>but it sure looked</b> <b>and seem like a riot</b> <b>directed at me, of all people.</b> <b>Okay.</b> <b>That's not the first time that's happened,</b> <b>and it won't be the last.</b> <b>Well, it didn't start out that way.</b> <b>See, I was just walking down the street,</b> <b>minding my own business.</b> <b>I may have even been whistling</b> <b>a happy tune.</b> <b>And I had a bit of a spring in my step</b> <b>when I saw a monkey on a leash.</b> <b>A monkey on a leash</b> <b>in the middle of the city.</b> <b>Yeah.</b> <b>Then there was a crowd around the monkey</b> <b>and there was a guy playing</b> <b>one of the music boxes</b> <b>with the green candle on it,</b> <b>and he was playing the music</b> <b>and the monkey was dancing.</b> <b>And then I saw a corn dog on the ground</b> <b>and I went for it.</b> <b>But apparently the monkey</b> <b>saw it at the same time.</b> <b>Now we got to the corn dog</b> <b>at the exact same time.</b> <b>It was a photo finish</b> <b>and I thought the fair thing</b> <b>would have been to split the corn dog</b> <b>right down the middle half</b> <b>for him and half for me just to show</b> <b>what kind of guy I am.</b> <b>I was even willing to give him the stick.</b> <b>how'd that go, boss?</b> <b>There is no greater degree to your animal</b> <b>on God's green earth than a monkey.</b> <b>He wanted it all for himself.</b> <b>He didn't.</b> <b>Reasonable shriek and violet.</b> <b>I didn't resist at all.</b> <b>And there was no way I was going to let</b> <b>that monkey have all of that corn dog.</b> <b>He didn't want to share it,</b> <b>so I cleaned it as mine and I hollered,</b> <b>Take your stinking paws</b> <b>off of my corn dog, you dang dirty ape.</b> <b>And then the street went quiet</b> <b>and the monkey dropped the corn</b> <b>dog and stared right at me.</b> <b>Did he?
Yeah.</b> <b>Apparently I offended him with that</b> <b>ape crack.</b> <b>So he attacked me.</b> <b>He jumped at me</b> <b>and I ducked out of the way</b> <b>and he landed on a policeman's back.</b> <b>Well,</b> <b>the policeman thought he was under attack,</b> <b>so he whipped out his pepper spray.</b> <b>Things got out of hand quickly.</b> <b>Windows were broken, the swatting</b> <b>and National Guard was deployed.</b> <b>Really?
All over a corndog.
Yeah.</b> <b>And by now,</b> <b>by this time,</b> <b>the man that had that music box</b> <b>I was telling you about,</b> <b>that grinder thing had caught on</b> <b>and what was happening.</b> <b>And he thought that I, of all people,</b> <b>picked a fight with his monkey.</b> <b>You did this to try and take his corn.</b> <b>It was a street corn dog</b> <b>and it was up for grabs.</b> <b>That's the law of the street</b> <b>finders keepers.</b> <b>So I'm guessing this story is going to end</b> <b>with you telling me you have no movie</b> <b>for tonight, right?</b> <b>All because of this massive riot</b> <b>that broke out.</b> <b>Was it was it on the news?</b> <b>Did they have footage of me</b> <b>fight with that monkey</b> <b>with me on the roof of that paddy wagon?</b> <b>No, I think they're</b> <b>making the whole thing up.</b> <b>is that right?</b> <b>Well, feast your eyes upon this supper.</b> <b>Here is the corn dog.</b> <b>SAPO, there's a bite</b> <b>taken out of that thing already.</b> <b>Did you get hungry on the way here?</b> <b>No.
The monkey took a bite,</b> <b>and now I am going to take</b> <b>a bite.</b> <b>Street.</b> <b>Goodness.</b> <b>First, ewww.
Second.</b> <b>That corn dog proves nothing.</b> <b>You could have gotten it anywhere.</b> <b>So after all that, we have nothing</b> <b>whatsoever to show tonight.</b> <b>Is that what you're telling me now?</b> <b>Will you hold that for me for a minute?</b> <b>We do have something.</b> <b>We have this now.
I got this can...</b> <b>I don't know what is on it,</b> <b>but I knocked one of those SWAT guys over</b> <b>when he was running away from me</b> <b>and the crowd.</b> <b>And this film</b> <b>can fell out of his pocket.</b> <b>Maybe you could show it while I run</b> <b>and look for a movie.</b> <b>Something that fell out of a SWAT</b> <b>guy's pocket.</b> <b>I think you're making all of this up, but</b> <b>I guess I'll have to show it, won't it?</b> <b>Good.
I will be right back.</b> <b>Get what?
Wait, wait, wait.</b> <b>You'll tell me what happens</b> <b>when I get back, right?</b> <b>I was going to return it to the SWAT guy,</b> <b>but doing something cool,</b> <b>we could keep it for ourselves.</b> <b>Maybe it's hidden camera</b> <b>footage of the KFC test kitchen,</b> <b>and we can finally figured out</b> <b>all 11 herbs and spices.</b> <b>My money says the 11th one is stopped.</b> <b>Will you get out of here?</b> <b>Sheets folks, let's.</b> <b>Let's be honest with each other.</b> <b>We all know what this is.</b> <b>We know exactly what this is.</b> <b>So let's not delude ourselves.</b> <b>Mittens, start this up and let's face</b> <b>our fate together.</b> <b>If at any point I break out into loud fits</b> <b>or crying, or if I just stand here</b> <b>quietly sobbing, don't hold it against me.</b> <b>It's a walking, climbing target</b> <b>that's in the crash.</b> <b>Corrigan.</b> <b>Get to your horse.</b> <b>Gosh, I thought you'd never come up.</b> <b>I duck just in time.</b> <b>Certainly hate to lose that priming</b> <b>powder, but at least Unger didn't get it.</b> <b>Don't forget,</b> <b>we still.
Have those two counterpart.</b> <b>Are you putting the chariot?</b> <b>That's right, Billy.</b> <b>Let's get out of here</b> <b>before some of those black robes.
But</b> <b>without driving, Carter Unger won't be</b> <b>able to take his power to the upper world.</b> <b>Yeah, but you still have my dear prisoner,</b> <b>and you might force him to make.</b> <b>Come on, you hurry back to the city.</b> <b>I'll get that power somehow</b> <b>and destroy the rocket motors.
Want me to.</b> <b>Get some of Sharon's men.
To help you?
No,</b> <b>they don't need to be in the way.</b> <b>Be careful of the powder.</b> <b>We need it for the submarine.</b> <b>I think</b> <b>I has the priming partner,</b> <b>and he's on his way to the secretary.</b> <b>We can put you stopping</b> <b>with a flying torpedo.</b> <b>Your Imperial Majesty.</b> <b>What?</b> <b>And destroy the priming powder</b> <b>that I need for my rocket motors.</b> <b>Turn out the ball player.
Why?</b> <b>That's when Uncle comes skating</b> <b>powder.</b> <b>And you can't take his power to the other</b> <b>world to carry out his diabolical plan.</b> <b>As long as that monster lives.</b> <b>My undersea</b> <b>kingdom of Atlantis can have no peace.</b> <b>You won't have to worry after Crash.</b> <b>Get through with him.</b> <b>Where is Crash?</b> <b>He's on his way.</b> <b>The target is a prize car.</b> <b>From hero</b> <b>to the people of the underworld, realize</b> <b>what is in store for them.</b> <b>Start to disintegrate.</b> <b>Her Majesty.</b> <b>Yeah.</b> <b>There's only a sample</b> <b>of what will happen when I take this car</b> <b>with all of its equipment</b> <b>to the upper world.</b> <b>Your Imperial Majesty,</b> <b>I regret to announce</b> <b>the young stranger</b> <b>escaped with a private power.</b> <b>You mix the sacred city</b> <b>before the volcano could stop him.</b> <b>It might plan of Empire to be wrecked</b> <b>by this handful of strangers</b> <b>from the upper world.</b> <b>Aster, I could make all the primary powers</b> <b>you need.</b> <b>What?
Why haven't you done stopping plot?</b> <b>Get to the laboratory at once</b> <b>and start work.</b> <b>Take him below</b> <b>and that's enough.</b> <b>Who are you?</b> <b>What are you doing here?
Don't</b> <b>you remember me?</b> <b>I'm your friend, Crash Corrigan.</b> <b>We came down the submarine together.</b> <b>I've no time to talk.</b> <b>I must complete my master's work.</b> <b>Where are those Rocket motors?</b> <b>Your fellow rocket motors.</b> <b>It all finished.</b> <b>I'm making the priming powder</b> <b>to stop them.</b> <b>Is this the equipment?
Yes.</b> <b>There he is.</b> <b>It's no use.</b> <b>My friends will never give up that</b> <b>climbing cutter.</b> <b>Perhaps they will if you ask them to.</b> <b>You not wasting your breath.</b> <b>Maybe you will change your mind</b> <b>when you reach the city.</b> <b>Got it on</b> <b>time.</b> <b>All right, Corrigan,</b> <b>this is your last chance.</b> <b>Tell your friends to hand over that</b> <b>flaming cutter.</b> <b>I'm going to ram through those gate.</b> <b>Go ahead and ram.</b> <b>Oh boy just as I thought.</b> <b>Chapter eight of the Undersea</b> <b>Kingdom into the Metal Tower.</b> <b>Did you see that, folks?
Hey, Mittens</b> <b>Hey, man.</b> <b>Check this out.</b> <b>I'm going to I'm going to do a little</b> <b>bit of my act for you here.</b> <b>I guess you could say</b> <b>Crash Corrigan</b> <b>crashed into the door again.</b> <b>That's one heck cracks me up.</b> <b>I cracked myself up.
What?</b> <b>What?
Crash?</b> <b>Who changed his name to crash test, dummy?</b> <b>I remember those commercials.</b> <b>That's a good reference.</b> <b>I remember that band too.</b> <b>Hey, check this out.</b> <b>Maybe Crash's hair</b> <b>is turned from black into bright white.</b> <b>You know, from when he crashed so hard.</b> <b>I mean, we got.</b> <b>We had to go in tonight, buddy.</b> <b>We're gonna forgive us.</b> <b>We're doing our best</b> <b>to get through this neverending saga</b> <b>that is the undersea kingdom.</b> <b>One thing is for sure.</b> <b>Crash smashed right into those gates.</b> <b>Mittens.
Listen to this one.</b> <b>I guess you could call it a call.</b> <b>You could call crash to a gate.</b> <b>Crash or now, They're going to have</b> <b>to pick him up with a stick and a spoon.</b> <b>Lord, I got nothing.</b> <b>I'm trying, though.</b> <b>At least I can take some solace in knowing</b> <b>Crash is gone forever.
Now,</b> <b>don't.
Don't you say it.
I saw it.</b> <b>He's got to be as flat as a pancake.</b> <b>All right.</b> <b>I know that that annoying kid</b> <b>probably had some sort of ray gun</b> <b>that made the gates disappear, But</b> <b>I'm clinging to the hope</b> <b>that Crash got his.</b> <b>And if he was hurt or killed in that motor</b> <b>crash, I've got no words of sympathy,</b> <b>no milk or biscuits for his friends,</b> <b>nothing but scorn.</b> <b>Speaking of scorn, I wonder where</b> <b>all SAPO is with tonight's movie.</b> <b>He really ought to be here.</b> <b>Here I am, fellas.</b> <b>Okay.
Did you find a movie for tonight?</b> <b>I sure did.</b> <b>And I am proud of myself for this one.</b> <b>Both because I think</b> <b>you are going to find it</b> <b>as one of the best movies I've ever found.</b> <b>This is not going to be good.</b> <b>I'm only going by weight,</b> <b>but this feels like a good movie.</b> <b>Here, check this out.</b> <b>Good heavens.</b> <b>Sapo, did you read this film?</b> <b>Came of the room.</b> <b>I found it.</b> <b>It was very dark,</b> <b>and I almost didn't find my way out.</b> <b>I was almost stuck in there forever.</b> <b>We can only hope next time.
What?</b> <b>No, nothing.</b> <b>This is shriek of the mutilated.</b> <b>With a name</b> <b>like that, it's going to be very good.</b> <b>It's probably going to be great, isn't it?</b> <b>To know this is a terrible,</b> <b>terrible movie?</b> <b>In fact,</b> <b>if there are any hackers out there,</b> <b>either Whitehat or blackhat,</b> <b>I don't really care at this point.</b> <b>Please get up off of your couch</b> <b>in your mother's basement</b> <b>and log on to the internet.</b> <b>You can probably access our satellite</b> <b>link.</b> <b>Easy.</b> <b>Take us off the air, overwrite our signal</b> <b>with a live stream of you</b> <b>and your friends</b> <b>playing the Minecraft or something.</b> <b>Set up a feed with your buddies</b> <b>and recite from memory</b> <b>all of Monty Python's The Holy Grail.</b> <b>I'll join you.</b> <b>I'll do all this for Robin.</b> <b>The not so quite brave as Sir Lancelot</b> <b>Lyons.</b> <b>Let's meet a brave retreat</b> <b>from this movie.</b> <b>come on.</b> <b>This is going to be a fun movie,</b> <b>and this is going to be a great night.</b> <b>I already had a bite of a corn dog.
No,</b> <b>it won't be.</b> <b>If it's not so bad.</b> <b>If it's so bad, let's talk about it.</b> <b>Tell me a little bit</b> <b>more about tonight's film,</b> <b>because I got to know I got to know.</b> <b>Okay, smart guy.</b> <b>You want to know about tonight's film?</b> <b>Yes.
Here goes.
Okay.</b> <b>This film's features</b> <b>some of the most unsightly</b> <b>people ever</b> <b>to walk the face of God's green earth.</b> <b>I'm talking ugliness on a whole other</b> <b>cosmic level.</b> <b>In fact, folks, I would avert your eyes</b> <b>any time a human is on the screen tonight,</b> <b>maybe you can turn the TV against the wall</b> <b>and just listen to the sound.</b> <b>You can pretend it's an old radio show.</b> <b>Come on, boss.</b> <b>They say</b> <b>beauty is in the eye of the stalker.</b> <b>What one person finds ugly,</b> <b>another person might find beautiful.</b> <b>That's not even remotely true.</b> <b>Well, what about the director?</b> <b>What about the director?</b> <b>Let's see.</b> <b>Tell me something about that guy.
Him?</b> <b>That's a bit chauvinistic, isn't it?</b> <b>But why do you always assume</b> <b>it's a man that directed this movie?</b> <b>Because women have better sense than men.</b> <b>A woman would have given it</b> <b>a better title, by the way.</b> <b>Well, you're right about that.</b> <b>I guess the director was a man.</b> <b>I knew it.</b> <b>A man directed this film.
All right.</b> <b>A man named Michael Finley.</b> <b>That's the guy who.</b> <b>Wait, No, that was someone else.</b> <b>I never heard of that guy.</b> <b>Well, maybe you've heard</b> <b>of one of his other names.</b> <b>Finley had at least 15 nicknames.</b> <b>He went by Robert Lester or Julian Marsh</b> <b>or Oscar Riva or Michael Crichton.</b> <b>I have heard of that guy.</b> <b>That's the guy that talks like this.</b> <b>My name is Michael Crain, and I directed.</b> <b>The film No, Stupid.
That's Michael Caine.</b> <b>And that is by far</b> <b>the worst Michael Caine I've ever heard.</b> <b>And I said, Crane, not Caine.</b> <b>my point is,</b> <b>Finley worked under many different names.</b> <b>I wonder why.</b> <b>Why would he hide behind</b> <b>so many different names?</b> <b>How long do you think this movie is?</b> <b>I don't know.</b> <b>And by the way, to the can,</b> <b>I'd say hour, hour and a half.</b> <b>Asked me that question.</b> <b>In an hour and a half, I.</b> <b>Will make a note to remind myself.
Yes.</b> <b>Remind yourself.</b> <b>At any rate, Findlay directed</b> <b>no fewer than 25 films.</b> <b>Most of them were bad.</b> <b>And to be honest, a good bit of them</b> <b>were nothing but cheap, exploitative crap</b> <b>made exclusively for the darkest,</b> <b>deepest levels of the grindhouse market.</b> <b>Just bad stuff</b> <b>and not the good kind of bad stuff either.</b> <b>I'm talking the really, really bad stuff.</b> <b>Stuff you don't want to watch.</b> <b>Come on.</b> <b>I bet</b> <b>the man has something good connected to.</b> <b>Nope, everybody does.</b> <b>Not this guy.
Well, I knew it.</b> <b>I knew it.
Spill it.</b> <b>Well, Friendly and his wife were good</b> <b>friends with George Weiss.</b> <b>Of Weiss's Delicatessen.</b> <b>No, George Weiss, the film producer.</b> <b>The guy who worked with Ed Wood.</b> <b>Findlay is linked to Ed Wood.</b> <b>And that's not a bad thing</b> <b>in and of itself.</b> <b>So is this finale guy</b> <b>still making the movies today?</b> <b>No, suppo he isn't.</b> <b>The law finally caught up with him,</b> <b>slapped the cuffs on him</b> <b>and put a stop to his filming.
No, stop.</b> <b>But that's not the reason he's</b> <b>not making films.</b> <b>It's honestly a sad story.</b> <b>Findlay invented a type of 3D camera</b> <b>and he was on his way to Paris to show it</b> <b>to some financial backers.</b> <b>He was getting onto a helicopter</b> <b>for a ride to the airport</b> <b>when a malfunction caused the helicopter</b> <b>to collapse.</b> <b>The spinning rotor blades killed Findlay</b> <b>and three other passengers.</b> <b>A woman on the street was killed</b> <b>when the blade of the helicopter</b> <b>fell from the roof of the building.</b> <b>It was a truly horrific accident.
Ooh.</b> <b>that is awful.</b> <b>Yes, it is.</b> <b>So, to recap</b> <b>thus far tonight,</b> <b>El Chapo caused a near riot</b> <b>after he fought in the streets</b> <b>over a corndog with a monkey.</b> <b>He brought us a terrible chapter</b> <b>of the undersea kingdom</b> <b>and a truly horrible film</b> <b>directed by a guy</b> <b>with 15 names</b> <b>who died in a horrible accident.</b> <b>To say tonight is off to a bad</b> <b>start would be an understatement indeed.</b> <b>Think about it like this.</b> <b>We're on a cruise ship.</b> <b>It is smashed into an iceberg.</b> <b>All the life rafts are gone</b> <b>and the ship is rapidly taking on water.</b> <b>That's how the night's going.</b> <b>We might as well</b> <b>just plop ourselves down in a deckchair</b> <b>and embrace our inevitable destiny.</b> <b>So folks here,</b> <b>without commercial interruption,</b> <b>the shriek of the mutilated</b> <b>and believe me when I tell you,</b> <b>things are going to get a whole lot worse</b> <b>before they even get a little bit better.</b> <b>But I</b> <b>have.</b> <b>Now that you</b> <b>four are acquainted</b> <b>with all the historical facts on the Yeti,</b> <b>let's take a look at the fabled beast,</b> <b>these crude drawings sketch by Dr.</b> <b>Klaus Kukoc in the early thirties.</b> <b>But based on his research</b> <b>among such diverse groups as the Tibetan</b> <b>Sherpas, Eskimos and nomadic Siberians,</b> <b>the structural similarity</b> <b>to man is evident.</b> <b>This answer is why</b> <b>so many skeptics dismissed the Yeti</b> <b>as a primitive cultist or modern</b> <b>charlatans cavorting in costumes.</b> <b>Nonsense.</b> <b>The Yeti exists as surely as you would.</b> <b>I wouldn't trade this universal.</b> <b>The Yeti has the uncanny ability</b> <b>to disappear from thin air</b> <b>as soon as modern man approaches.</b> <b>there he goes again.</b> <b>Now, for tomorrow's expedition,</b> <b>I'd like you to all assemble</b> <b>in front of Wrigley Hall with luggage</b> <b>and equipment at precisely 8 a.m..</b> <b>We'll proceed in my van</b> <b>as we've scheduled it.</b> <b>How far is it to warm this place?</b> <b>I doubt that we could</b> <b>do it less than 6 hours or so.</b> <b>So please,</b> <b>everybody get a good night's rest.</b> <b>What's the action like on board Island?</b> <b>Beg pardon?</b> <b>Well, I mean, what's the place like?</b> <b>Where do you go at night?</b> <b>Well, it's not quite the type of spot</b> <b>with a young fellow like you</b> <b>who would pick to spend it.</b> <b>But Island is rather a desolate</b> <b>and lonely place.</b> <b>It's way off the beaten path.</b> <b>Now, I guess that is about all the time.</b> <b>a moment.
Key.</b> <b>So in April.</b> <b>What is this?</b> <b>Well, whether I know whether I'm still</b> <b>going to that party tonight for me to.</b> <b>What did I keep?</b> <b>I guess so.
Wait a minute.</b> <b>Keep going tonight.</b> <b>Hey, I'm sorry</b> <b>that the old man pressed me into dinner.</b> <b>I'll try to catch up with you later on.</b> <b>Your mind going alone?
Do you keep?</b> <b>What can I tell him?</b> <b>He's a lonely old guy.</b> <b>I guess he needs company.</b> <b>Well, where are you going?</b> <b>Some specialty restaurant.</b> <b>He's been telling me about it</b> <b>for a long time.</b> <b>Hey, I'll catch up with you later on.</b> <b>Say, about 1030.
Okay.</b> <b>Take.</b> <b>I'm so glad you could come.</b> <b>Do we.</b> <b>Call you doctor.
Now?</b> <b>my good again.</b> <b>Get me a drink.</b> <b>We've seen.
It before.</b> <b>Losing you.</b> <b>Probably seen you</b> <b>cutting your hands around town hall.</b> <b>My name is Spencer St Clair class.</b> <b>Used to be a teacher here,</b> <b>but he went bananas.</b> <b>He tore up the study</b> <b>hall, were going to fire.</b> <b>But they do the job.
The</b> <b>St Clair Island County,</b> <b>I believe.</b> <b>Yes, I understand.</b> <b>He used to study himself.</b> <b>Cram so.</b> <b>Well.
Yes.</b> <b>And guess what?</b> <b>I'm going on a school trip tomorrow.</b> <b>Well, you know</b> <b>Bill Filkins tomorrow.</b> <b>They said it would be no a field trip.</b> <b>Spencer, don't get so excited.</b> <b>That's all over with.</b> <b>That's all in the</b> <b>past here.
Near the drink.</b> <b>Did you enjoy the salad?</b> <b>It was fabulous.</b> <b>Well, this whole place is fabulous.</b> <b>There's nothing like this in Biloxi.</b> <b>I'd like to bring Carolyn here sometime.</b> <b>Very few of the students</b> <b>patronize this place.</b> <b>Keep it as a rather exclusive</b> <b>and very unique clientele.</b> <b>And the best wine cellar in the city.</b> <b>Thank you.</b> <b>Permit me to order.</b> <b>They have a specialty here that I know</b> <b>you enjoy.</b> <b>Which one?
It's not often.</b> <b>This is something</b> <b>the chef has for very old customers.</b> <b>It's rather an odd specialty that I know</b> <b>someone of your sophistication</b> <b>will find most delectable.</b> <b>Tell Richard that Dr.</b> <b>Powell will have his usual fish</b> <b>to portions for you.</b> <b>And that.</b> <b>Little.</b> <b>Here it comes.</b> <b>And there we can't have another outburst.</b> <b>Ready</b> <b>to burn to the poison in my brain.</b> <b>Well.</b> <b>What should I through all of</b> <b>seven years to forget</b> <b>the rest of the three best friends killed,</b> <b>so teetered on the brink of absurdity</b> <b>for years.</b> <b>Some say I'm still mad.</b> <b>Perhaps I am good,</b> <b>but I'm alive and.</b> <b>Alive and still had it.</b> <b>Didn't you hear?
He's going again.</b> <b>And which</b> <b>lucky soul will return this time?</b> <b>Well, of course.</b> <b>Always returns.
Yes.</b> <b>I'm sure I asked you to stop it.</b> <b>Please stop,</b> <b>stop,</b> <b>Stop listening to madness.</b> <b>What do they think?</b> <b>It was precisely seven years ago</b> <b>to the day</b> <b>when I was the young, bright eyed student.</b> <b>Just like you were reporters</b> <b>all at the top of the class hall.</b> <b>Are you going to please the great pro</b> <b>go foolish?</b> <b>No help pitiful.</b> <b>Well.
We don't get go.</b> <b>After the same thing year after</b> <b>pros thing.</b> <b>That beast, the</b> <b>abomination we arrive in that godforsaken</b> <b>village at Hudson's Bay</b> <b>right after the worst blizzard.</b> <b>The natives had seen them for years.</b> <b>Certainly brilliant people there in</b> <b>the ocean.</b> <b>Those people</b> <b>were good.</b> <b>It took us ten,</b> <b>maybe 20 miles from that place</b> <b>into the wilderness.</b> <b>We were tired.</b> <b>We wanted to return, but it drove us up.</b> <b>Keep going.</b> <b>Can still hear them.</b> <b>Keep going.</b> <b>Finally, we came to a crevice.</b> <b>We stopped to rest.
Crow went on ahead.</b> <b>Perhaps a half hour</b> <b>or maybe an hour went by.</b> <b>No, you heard it.</b> <b>We thought it was a goner.</b> <b>We rushed blindly towards that spot,</b> <b>perhaps to help Rouse</b> <b>to satisfy our own curiosity.</b> <b>Perhaps.</b> <b>Glad to see it.</b> <b>And did you?</b> <b>It was nearing dusk.</b> <b>And the blind?</b> <b>Another good.
Man.</b> <b>Ouch.</b> <b>My God.
At least you managed to escape.</b> <b>The next thing I remember was coming</b> <b>to an an infirmary somewhere.</b> <b>They said I was out for three days.</b> <b>Apparently,</b> <b>they dragged me back.</b> <b>At least that's what they told me.</b> <b>What happened to Doctor Prell?</b> <b>I didn't see him again.</b> <b>He left for the university</b> <b>before I regained</b> <b>consciousness.</b> <b>We haven't spoken since then,</b> <b>but he knows</b> <b>I hold him guilty for the deaths.</b> <b>But you can't hold Dr.</b> <b>Prell responsible.</b> <b>just excellent.</b> <b>What is it, anyway?</b> <b>Old combination of wild meat.</b> <b>The natives call it gin.</b> <b>So later.</b> <b>Two snifters of brandy, please.</b> <b>It's been years</b> <b>since I've met a boy of your caliber.</b> <b>Seven years to be exact.</b> <b>It's a pity that a fella just didn't</b> <b>pan out.</b> <b>Couldn't live up to expectations.</b> <b>I know that you're going to be different.</b> <b>I anticipate great things from you.</b> <b>thank you.</b> <b>God, That looks fine.</b> <b>Key to success.</b> <b>Well, hello and welcome back.</b> <b>This movie is exactly what I said</b> <b>it was, isn't it?</b> <b>You know, for the first time in forever,</b> <b>I am confused.</b> <b>confused.</b> <b>A first time, Well, what</b> <b>specifically confuses you about this film?</b> <b>Crazy Party?</b> <b>Those people were just having a</b> <b>heck was going on at that party.</b> <b>that.
That was weird.</b> <b>Well, suppose</b> <b>that was a wild, swinging 1970s party.</b> <b>Folks were letting it all</b> <b>hang out and grooving,</b> <b>you know, just doing their thing.</b> <b>They look like just a bunch of long hairs</b> <b>to me, probably up to no good.</b> <b>I think one of them was drinking alcohol</b> <b>and those clothes looked ridiculous.</b> <b>Do I have to remind you which one of us</b> <b>used to wear flared trousers</b> <b>up until 1987?
Flares are coming</b> <b>back, man.</b> <b>You keep telling yourself that,</b> <b>Sonny Bono.</b> <b>When we see it,</b> <b>we'll see how that works out for you.</b> <b>Well, you know, flares or no flares</b> <b>which are coming back.</b> <b>I still think the people in this movie</b> <b>are weird looking.</b> <b>Well, that's one way to put it.</b> <b>I'd go just a little bit further</b> <b>and say, the people in this movie</b> <b>are a bit on the ugly side.</b> <b>I'm here to tell you.</b> <b>And it is a bad movie.</b> <b>A bad movie full of unsightly people,</b> <b>just like I said.</b> <b>Right.
It's just not good.</b> <b>Not good at all.</b> <b>Did you see this guy directed other films?</b> <b>He did.</b> <b>He made films</b> <b>like Point Me Towards Tomorrow in 1977,</b> <b>Satan's Bad in 1965,</b> <b>and I swear I'm not making this up.</b> <b>The closer to the bone,</b> <b>the sweeter the meat.</b> <b>In 1969.</b> <b>Who were those movies as bad as this.
One?</b> <b>Even worse,</b> <b>if you can imagine that, folks.</b> <b>I guess our sole ray of sunshine tonight</b> <b>is that we were showing</b> <b>shriek of the mutilated</b> <b>instead of point me towards tomorrow.</b> <b>Well, tell me who wrote this here movie.</b> <b>Well, two guys named Ed</b> <b>Ed, Adam and Ed Kelliher.</b> <b>And before you ask, no,</b> <b>they did not write anything good.</b> <b>What about the cast?</b> <b>Just bad all around.</b> <b>Alan Brock plays Dr.</b> <b>Ernest Pearl Brock</b> <b>so acclaimed a famous this</b> <b>he was born</b> <b>and died in the same house.
And.</b> <b>And that's it</b> <b>that's the sum total of the man's career.</b> <b>This is not a good cast.</b> <b>Some versions of this movie</b> <b>include a pretty good song called Popcorn.</b> <b>This version does not.</b> <b>Why not?</b> <b>I'm probably all right so sure,</b> <b>it could be that the songwriter tracked</b> <b>down every version of the movie</b> <b>and used some scissors to cut a song out.</b> <b>Or maybe a few versions get past him.</b> <b>I bet those versions</b> <b>would be worth a lot of money.</b> <b>Hollywood.</b> <b>Maybe I could track them down and buy them</b> <b>and we could corner that market weight</b> <b>market.
Holy cow.
I just remembered.</b> <b>I have to check our monthly</b> <b>financial statements.</b> <b>Folks, folks, why don't you get back to of</b> <b>the mutilated here on nightmare theater?</b> <b>You know, all that fresh air?</b> <b>how much further is it to boot Island.</b> <b>Are your bound.
As Why?</b> <b>Anything wrong</b> <b>beating those girls up there too?</b> <b>I guess that my students.</b> <b>And check your oil.</b> <b>Is something wrong?</b> <b>Send him, boy.</b> <b>I'll make it a practice</b> <b>never to interfere with folks</b> <b>and inbounding the tournament</b> <b>and get some plays.</b> <b>Because no matter what I say,</b> <b>I'm bound to get there.</b> <b>And I'm not there for you.</b> <b>Not make much sense to you.</b> <b>Make sense to me.</b> <b>Let's see it.</b> <b>Folks on the way back I think serves</b> <b>and care of those girls.</b> <b>Carl, how are you?</b> <b>This is my friends.</b> <b>Is Dr.</b> <b>Carl Werner.</b> <b>Carl, allow me to present my students.</b> <b>This is Karen Hunter.</b> <b>Carolyn Kelly and Tom Nash.</b> <b>And this young man is Keith Henschel.</b> <b>An extreme pleasure.</b> <b>Is it still out there?</b> <b>Have you seen it?
No,</b> <b>but I heard it clearly two nights ago.</b> <b>Your Yeti is waiting for you.</b> <b>Steelers.</b> <b>You got your back.</b> <b>You think.</b> <b>Hey, I don't believe this bit.</b> <b>You don't believe me?</b> <b>Yeah.</b> <b>Hey, it looks like you pack</b> <b>for a weekend at Aspen.</b> <b>what do you expect me.</b> <b>To bring my books and typewriter?</b> <b>this is supposed to be a serious field</b> <b>trip.</b> <b>Come on.</b> <b>You don't really believe</b> <b>we're going to find anything out there.</b> <b>Dr.
Prell thinks we might.</b> <b>He's got a thing about snowman in trouble.</b> <b>Is that people believe that garbage is</b> <b>can get themselves in trouble.</b> <b>You're right, guys.</b> <b>St Clair clips</b> <b>the hedges over at the university.</b> <b>Yeah, well, he went on one of Bell's</b> <b>expeditions a couple of years ago.</b> <b>According to him, three guys got killed.</b> <b>Now, I don't know whether it's true</b> <b>or not, but there must be something to it.</b> <b>I heard those stories too.</b> <b>A guy.
Drinks.</b> <b>I knew I forgot something</b> <b>prevents frostbite.</b> <b>My boy.</b> <b>There</b> <b>is something wrong with my beer.</b> <b>I guess so.</b> <b>Don't be frightened.</b> <b>That's a laughing crop.</b> <b>My housekeeper.</b> <b>I asked him to chop a few logs for us.</b> <b>See, he's a harmless old buzzard,</b> <b>and he takes very good care of me.</b> <b>I'm from.</b> <b>Well, say that he's downright nasty.</b> <b>I mean, any gross done,</b> <b>he'll make your threesome</b> <b>into one twosome.</b> <b>Now's your chance to make a break.</b> <b>I don't let a moment go to waste</b> <b>on the prowl here.</b> <b>Anyhow.</b> <b>Here comes the Yeti.
Nah.</b> <b>And then</b> <b>that was excellent coffee.</b> <b>Thank you.</b> <b>Has he been this way since birth?</b> <b>No, only the past eight years.</b> <b>What happened?</b> <b>Something so bizarre that to this day</b> <b>it amazes me</b> <b>that he's recovered to the extent</b> <b>it has the tale details.</b> <b>I won't go into it now.</b> <b>It's much too involved</b> <b>a weaker man would never have survived.</b> <b>But look at him.
He's strong as an ox.</b> <b>He works from sunup to sundown</b> <b>and he obviously never complained.</b> <b>And on top of that, he's</b> <b>the finest native cook.</b> <b>I've had the good fortune to find.</b> <b>Is something wrong, Tom?</b> <b>Nothing a good stomach pump wouldn't</b> <b>cure, Tom.</b> <b>No, that's all right.</b> <b>Some of these Indian dishes</b> <b>do take a bit of getting used to.</b> <b>I notice most of you having trouble</b> <b>getting through the meal, but</b> <b>I had laughing Crow</b> <b>Prepare it in honor of Doctor Proud.</b> <b>it was delicious.</b> <b>Keith I noticed you enjoyed it, too, Jim.</b> <b>Son, wasn't it?</b> <b>Doctor one I thought that was.</b> <b>An Oriental dish,</b> <b>you know.</b> <b>yes he.</b> <b>Was becoming quite fond of it.</b> <b>The Orientals excel in comparison.</b> <b>I didn't know they had grizzly bears</b> <b>in China.</b> <b>Actually, it is indigenous</b> <b>in many cultures, including Alaskan crow,</b> <b>though tribe.</b> <b>But I know we're not here to discuss</b> <b>cooking.</b> <b>Tell us about the noises you heard.</b> <b>Do you really think that it is a yeti out</b> <b>there?</b> <b>It's the damnedest thing, Ernst.</b> <b>If it isn't a yeti,</b> <b>I can't imagine what it could be.</b> <b>It's raw.</b> <b>Is unlike any animal I've ever known.</b> <b>It's too high pitch for a grizzly bear.</b> <b>It's more raucous than a moose.</b> <b>Sometimes it almost</b> <b>sounds like something human,</b> <b>like someone wounded, crying for help.</b> <b>I've seen the track.</b> <b>Although it had been made by rain, it's</b> <b>inordinately large with the middle</b> <b>toe extended, not unlike the yeti</b> <b>you described in your papers.</b> <b>You said you heard it two nights ago.</b> <b>It was about four in the morning.</b> <b>For some strange reason, I woke up,</b> <b>I came downstairs and went in the kitchen</b> <b>to fix myself some tea</b> <b>while I was drinking the tea.</b> <b>I heard it</b> <b>very far off, but quite distinct.</b> <b>It was growling.</b> <b>I turned off the lights to the house</b> <b>and waited about 10 minutes past</b> <b>and I heard it again.</b> <b>Much louder.</b> <b>And then I put my jacket on</b> <b>and grabbed my rifle</b> <b>and slipped quietly into the yard.</b> <b>It was bitter cold.</b> <b>Clouds covered the moon, but I could still</b> <b>see the tree line 50 yards off.</b> <b>And then the saddest thing of all, at</b> <b>first I thought it was my own excitement.</b> <b>I thought I heard my own heart beating.</b> <b>But then I realized it was another's heart</b> <b>beating much more rapidly than my own.</b> <b>It grew louder.</b> <b>Whatever it was was getting closer.</b> <b>I began</b> <b>to detect a rank foul odor in the air,</b> <b>and I had the distinct</b> <b>feeling that I was being watched.</b> <b>It was the most unnerving experience</b> <b>of my entire life.</b> <b>Suddenly, a cloud passed away</b> <b>from the moon, and for one</b> <b>split second, I thought I saw something</b> <b>shadowy figure standing</b> <b>just at the edge of the tree line</b> <b>just to me.</b> <b>He was gone and with it went to a room</b> <b>and the sound of the racing.</b> <b>Carl.</b> <b>I'm more convinced than when you called me</b> <b>that you've got a yeti in your woods.</b> <b>And with the help of my young friends</b> <b>here, we're going to find it</b> <b>and photograph it and prove to the world</b> <b>that this fabled beast does really exist.</b> <b>Do you have a chart of the island, Carl?</b> <b>Yes, I have a copy here of the map.</b> <b>My late</b> <b>father used to give it to his suppliers.</b> <b>That in Carl, the trade.</b> <b>The island is</b> <b>approximately six miles by four.</b> <b>He shaped rather like a potato.</b> <b>I always thought, and I can imagine</b> <b>why they call it Voodoo Island.</b> <b>We're here in front of this mountain.</b> <b>The bridge is here.</b> <b>There's another mountain here</b> <b>in back of the house</b> <b>with caves carved into the facing of it.</b> <b>Most of the island is covered</b> <b>with dense woodland, and you already know.</b> <b>How wide is the bay to the north?</b> <b>Two or three miles, maybe.</b> <b>I am convinced that</b> <b>he came across the winter ice.</b> <b>And right now he's trapped.</b> <b>And I'll bet he's in one of those caves.</b> <b>And then let's make that our target</b> <b>for tomorrow.</b> <b>Right.</b> <b>And to get an early start,</b> <b>we've all got to get better.</b> <b>So what do you say we all got?</b> <b>Ding, ding, ding,</b> <b>ding, ding, ding, ding ding.</b> <b>Okay.</b> <b>There was a lot of fingers pointed</b> <b>and you could have blamed a lot of people.</b> <b>But the one person you shouldn't have</b> <b>blamed was Konan.</b> <b>no, you can't.</b> <b>Blame Can't blame Kono.</b> <b>He didn't have anything to do with that.</b> <b>Speaking of which, Jay Leno drove by me</b> <b>the other day in one of those cars.</b> <b>It's like I was finally get.</b> <b>Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.</b> <b>We don't need this kind of conflict here</b> <b>today.
Okay.</b> <b>All right, everybody, welcome back.</b> <b>And you can as you can probably tell,</b> <b>we're down here in the sub sub sub</b> <b>sub basement once again with a mysterious</b> <b>curator from the Merrill Movie Museum.</b> <b>And he appears to have brought some kind</b> <b>of large weapon with him today, which,</b> <b>you know, so we went through it,</b> <b>you know, sup was not allowed</b> <b>to have large weapons and the leaf blower.</b> <b>Kind of weeds this he Wow.</b> <b>So what do we have here?</b> <b>Curator So this is, this is a very cool</b> <b>gun from a not very great movie.</b> <b>This was used in the movie Pixels.</b> <b>Pixels Adam Sandler film,</b> <b>which was based on</b> <b>an original short film</b> <b>by William Faulkner.</b> <b>Not by William Faulkner, No, but,</b> <b>but a short film that was done</b> <b>about basically aliens invading</b> <b>in the form of classic video games.</b> <b>They then turn this into a movie</b> <b>with some middling results,</b> <b>a decent cast,</b> <b>and some really, really great props.</b> <b>They in the course of this movie,</b> <b>they were, you know, having to</b> <b>they drafted these old school</b> <b>arcade video game champions</b> <b>to battle</b> <b>these aliens that were coming down</b> <b>in the form of old school</b> <b>arcade game character.</b> <b>So they fought arcade.
Right.</b> <b>So you had a scene where they're</b> <b>where they're going against Pac-Man,</b> <b>a scene</b> <b>where they're going against Donkey Kong.</b> <b>This particular gun was used</b> <b>when they were battling the game Centipede</b> <b>So big Centipede type creatures</b> <b>raining down from the skies like,</b> <b>just like in the game.</b> <b>And they use these guns and like guns</b> <b>to shoot up into the air</b> <b>to go at the to go out centipedes.</b> <b>These are just really great examples of</b> <b>kit bashing because if you look at these</b> <b>and kit</b> <b>bashing is when they build a prop of,</b> <b>you know, kind of existing found items,</b> <b>whatever, whatever they can find.</b> <b>If you look at this,</b> <b>you can kind of see</b> <b>there's a trigger there that's</b> <b>just like a typical video game button.</b> <b>You got.</b> <b>You've got, you know, an early generation</b> <b>cell phone tacked on there.</b> <b>This body is kind</b> <b>of like an old camcorder.</b> <b>You've got a</b> <b>literal flashlight on the bottom there.</b> <b>And also, yeah, some camera tools.</b> <b>A lot of this was probably a camera lens</b> <b>at one point was a juicer.</b> <b>I think.</b> <b>Yeah, there's dual.</b> <b>Steiger Guys, just a standard kind</b> <b>of a V plugs on there, that sort of thing,</b> <b>you know, all of it put together to look.</b> <b>Yeah.</b> <b>Like in the movie.</b> <b>The movie they would have really been just</b> <b>building the things out of spare parts.</b> <b>So it does fit the esthetic of the movie</b> <b>really well too.</b> <b>But video game character,</b> <b>but better than some coming together.</b> <b>Really, really cool.</b> <b>And it's another example of where</b> <b>the finished film may not have been</b> <b>the best film in the world, but</b> <b>the proper role is really, really great.</b> <b>Yeah, it looks cool on screen when we see</b> <b>these things, they really do stand out.</b> <b>And then of course, this would have been</b> <b>CGI as well with the</b> <b>the actual stuff coming out of the gun.</b> <b>Right, Right.</b> <b>So they would add that in later.
Right.</b> <b>But so they had this team of fighters,</b> <b>they would have made four</b> <b>or five of these for the team.</b> <b>So you would've had I can't say for sure</b> <b>which actor used this,</b> <b>but Adam Sandler,</b> <b>Michelle Monahan was in the film</b> <b>Peter Dinklage</b> <b>and of course, the King of Queens himself.</b> <b>Mr.
Kevin James.
Mr.</b> <b>Kevin James, who was the president</b> <b>of the United States in this film.</b> <b>Yeah, and also a video game.</b> <b>So it was a fantasy.</b> <b>Yeah.</b> <b>And, you know, that wasn't the first time</b> <b>that we'd had this concept in a film</b> <b>going back to the eighties,</b> <b>we had the Last Starfighter.</b> <b>Sure,</b> <b>it was the same kind of concept of the</b> <b>We need somebody to battle these aliens.</b> <b>You're the best person on this video game.</b> <b>We're going to bring you into space</b> <b>and do it.</b> <b>Although this was kind of a reverse</b> <b>where they actually recruited the video</b> <b>gamers to be a part of the team</b> <b>that was going to go out,</b> <b>take care of these these invading aliens,</b> <b>these space invaders, if you will.
Yeah.</b> <b>And I think ready.</b> <b>PLAYER one Kind of, yeah.</b> <b>Kind of follows in that that factor.</b> <b>You know it really was a great concept</b> <b>and it is something that I wish</b> <b>they had done a better movie with.</b> <b>Yes because they just went a little too</b> <b>deep on the Adam Sandler humor</b> <b>to the</b> <b>point where, you know, you had a character</b> <b>having a relationship with Kubert.</b> <b>Yeah.
Yeah.
So, yeah, we didn't need that.</b> <b>I think that's a perfect place</b> <b>to end this segment.</b> <b>We don't want to talk</b> <b>about human relations anymore,</b> <b>So Let's get back to the film here</b> <b>on Nightmare Theme.</b> <b>Hubert She's mine.</b> <b>Stay away from here.</b> <b>Hubert</b> <b>All right, gang,</b> <b>let's take a breather.</b> <b>I hope it's still hot.</b> <b>This is crap.</b> <b>Where are you going?</b> <b>Where are you going?</b> <b>I saw a deer up there.</b> <b>Maybe I can bag it.</b> <b>Then we'll have something to eat</b> <b>instead of that bear pie.</b> <b>It's called Jen, Son.</b> <b>Yeah, right.
Well, you can eat it.</b> <b>I'll catch up.</b> <b>To you later.</b> <b>In the movie.</b> <b>I'm going to take a look over that ridge.</b> <b>I'll bet that's where the Cayuse are.</b> <b>Rest easy.
Can</b> <b>you?
How?</b> <b>Wow.
This is just awful.</b> <b>This is awful.</b> <b>Stocks down,</b> <b>all accounts down, Foreign holdings down.</b> <b>Humble figurine resale market down.</b> <b>Frozen</b> <b>concentrate to orange juice, futures down.</b> <b>It's not good at all.</b> <b>What are we going to do?</b> <b>I just don't even know.</b> <b>Hello and welcome back.</b> <b>Forgive me.</b> <b>I was just coming to terms</b> <b>with some terrible, terrible realities.</b> <b>We're in a very bad place right now.</b> <b>No, this movie is not as bad</b> <b>as you're making out.</b> <b>We have seen worse.</b> <b>This is not worst</b> <b>movie we've ever seen.
Yes, it is.</b> <b>But that's not what I'm talking about.</b> <b>I've been going over the financials</b> <b>and bank statements and the count racket</b> <b>reconciliations,</b> <b>and this agency is literally bleeding.</b> <b>We're about to be out on the street</b> <b>dancing for nickels.</b> <b>Unless something amazing happens,</b> <b>we are in trouble.</b> <b>Big trouble with a.
Capital T one.</b> <b>yeah, sure.
Whatever.</b> <b>With a capital T that rhymes with P,</b> <b>And that stands for potluck.</b> <b>Pepperoni, plastics, peanuts, puppies.</b> <b>No, it stands for prison,</b> <b>which is where you are going.</b> <b>If we don't get some money</b> <b>rolling in here fast.</b> <b>And I mean a lot of money.</b> <b>You know, I keep a few pennies</b> <b>stuffed in my mattress for emergencies.</b> <b>Well, unless you have a few billion penny</b> <b>stuffed into that moldy, old stained</b> <b>mattress, don't waste my time.</b> <b>We need real money and we need it fast.</b> <b>Maybe I could get me a job.</b> <b>There's like, a you know,</b> <b>like a high priced male escort</b> <b>catering to rich older ladies.</b> <b>I could be a kept man, and,</b> <b>you know, I would send some money</b> <b>back to you, or I could get hired on</b> <b>as a college professor.</b> <b>Maybe your film studies or something</b> <b>like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.</b> <b>And maybe mittens here.</b> <b>We'll sprout wings and fly us to the moon</b> <b>and away from all our creditors.</b> <b>I know.</b> <b>If you would, you could,</b> <b>but I know you would.</b> <b>This isn't your problem.</b> <b>SAPO has driven every division</b> <b>of our company into complete</b> <b>and utter bankruptcy.</b> <b>I guess is going to have to be up to me</b> <b>to come with a come up.</b> <b>Come up with some way to make money.</b> <b>SAPO, How are your organs?
Are they?</b> <b>They pretty good.</b> <b>You really need both those lungs.</b> <b>I could probably get by with just one.</b> <b>Okay, good.
That ought to bring us</b> <b>a few dollars.
Wait, wait, wait.</b> <b>How are they going</b> <b>to get the long out of me?</b> <b>You won't get hurt.</b> <b>Won't they have to saw me open?</b> <b>me.
Me, me.</b> <b>Does everything have to be about you</b> <b>all the time?</b> <b>Can't you think about others</b> <b>once in a while?</b> <b>who am I kidding?</b> <b>Your innards probably have been</b> <b>blackballed in this country.</b> <b>What?
Yes.</b> <b>I guess we could sell his lungs in Mexico</b> <b>or overseas.</b> <b>But we'd lose money on the dealer.</b> <b>It probably cost a fortune to mail</b> <b>along that far.</b> <b>Unless we may.</b> <b>Well, maybe.</b> <b>What if we mail a postage Do.</b> <b>I'm just brainstorming here.</b> <b>Now, you're right.</b> <b>We've got to get the money up front,</b> <b>cash on the barrelhead and all that.</b> <b>There's got to be a way</b> <b>we can get some money,</b> <b>you know, without having to work for it.</b> <b>Working for it works.
Work.</b> <b>Okay, okay, okay.</b> <b>I'll go down to the newsstand</b> <b>and I'll buy the evening paper</b> <b>and we can check the want ads.</b> <b>I bet I can find something.</b> <b>Heck,</b> <b>maybe there is a job in the film industry.</b> <b>You know,</b> <b>I've always wanted to be a dynamic</b> <b>leading man right up there</b> <b>with Joey Lawrence and David Caruso.</b> <b>Film industry.</b> <b>Wait a minute.</b> <b>Tonight's movie,</b> <b>The premise, The Patterson Gimmick.</b> <b>The Patterson Gimmick.
That's it.</b> <b>I have a great idea.</b> <b>Saffo</b> <b>You're going to put on a big fat suit</b> <b>and we're going to film you</b> <b>walking through the woods in the woods.</b> <b>But I'm allergic to fresh air.</b> <b>You can hold your breath.</b> <b>What about Woodchuck Lost?</b> <b>Some of them still have it out for me,</b> <b>I bet.</b> <b>I bet the woods out</b> <b>there are just full of woodchucks.</b> <b>You'll be fine.</b> <b>Well, I have any lines to memorize.</b> <b>Will I get to do it?
Will</b> <b>I get to wear a swimsuit?</b> <b>Will there be any math?
No.</b> <b>You're just going to walk back and forth.</b> <b>You won't need to say anything.</b> <b>Just walk back and forth.</b> <b>I can do that.</b> <b>I minor in walking at the prestigious Von</b> <b>Doran University.</b> <b>I can walk.</b> <b>You better because if we don't</b> <b>pull this off, Woodchuck or no woodchucks,</b> <b>we'll all be living in the woods</b> <b>and some tar paper sack.</b> <b>And I'm not the outdoorsy type.</b> <b>Sure, I may look like Grizzly Adams,</b> <b>but I assure you I am like Douglas Adams.</b> <b>I need good books, good food,</b> <b>good drinks and good conversation</b> <b>and definitely air conditioning.</b> <b>I can't be homeless and</b> <b>living in the woods like some wild man.</b> <b>So you're going to put on that suit</b> <b>I want in that card game.</b> <b>We're going to march out to the woods</b> <b>and we're going to film</b> <b>you pretending to be Bigfoot.</b> <b>Then we'll sell the tape to the tabloids</b> <b>for a truckload of money.</b> <b>There might even be a book in it for me.</b> <b>Will you talk about me in your book?
No.</b> <b>No, I'm not going to talk about you</b> <b>at all.</b> <b>Folks, we have a scheme to plan out.</b> <b>So while we're doing that,</b> <b>why don't you folks</b> <b>get back to shriek of the mutilated</b> <b>here on nightmare theater?</b> <b>He's not coming back.</b> <b>I know it.</b> <b>Let me see him again.</b> <b>Tom's an experienced woodsman.</b> <b>Like he's probably strayed a bit too far</b> <b>and decided to spend the night</b> <b>before returning.</b> <b>No doubt.</b> <b>Right at this very moment, he's</b> <b>warming his powers over a fire in some</b> <b>makeshift hut,</b> <b>completely unaware that we spent</b> <b>five solid hours looking for him.</b> <b>So, Tom, to pull a stunt like this.</b> <b>Yeah.
Come on.</b> <b>If he's such an experienced woodsman,</b> <b>how come he's locked?</b> <b>I just know he's injured four, maybe even.</b> <b>I hope I didn't startle you.</b> <b>It's an old woodsman</b> <b>trick to fire off the rifle twice</b> <b>every 30 minutes is a homing signal</b> <b>to a lost party.</b> <b>I suggest we keep it up all night.</b> <b>Anybody up to it?</b> <b>I'll take over after you.</b> <b>I'll follow you key.</b> <b>Now we'll need a third.</b> <b>How about you carry.</b> <b>Out and a watch.
There.</b> <b>You're in no condition.
It's bad for you,</b> <b>Karen.</b> <b>What about it?</b> <b>I'll do it.</b> <b>Fine.</b> <b>Keith, you take 12 to 2.</b> <b>I'll take 2 to 4.</b> <b>It's going to take 4 to 6.</b> <b>Now.
Mine.</b> <b>We're all up by six.</b> <b>We've got to resume the search in case</b> <b>Tom should fail</b> <b>to return.</b> <b>To the resort.</b> <b>I guess I only slept.</b> <b>For some coffee.</b> <b>Just couldn't sleep time.</b> <b>I didn't know if I knew those gunshot.</b> <b>Anyway, you can.</b> <b>Still hear me.</b> <b>Are you and Tom good friends?</b> <b>I'd like to think so.</b> <b>You know, I am by up for a lot of girl.</b> <b>I can't imagine that with a girl</b> <b>as lovely as your</b> <b>people say.</b> <b>I have a good sense of spirit.</b> <b>Is that all they say?</b> <b>please, Doctor.</b> <b>When I can't see anything without</b> <b>my glasses, you would have to prowl.</b> <b>Friends.
Friends.
But not old.</b> <b>We met a few years ago</b> <b>at a faculty convention.</b> <b>We share a number of scholarly interests.</b> <b>Although his enthusiasm about the Yeti far</b> <b>distant is my own,</b> <b>it's deeply rooted in Indian folklore.</b> <b>Do you remember me</b> <b>mentioning laughing Crow's accident?</b> <b>Yes.
Tell him I did ask you what happened.</b> <b>Yes, well, it happened seven or eight.</b> <b>You're laughing, Crow.
Sit down.</b> <b>It's all right.</b> <b>Get out.</b> <b>It happened seven or eight years ago.</b> <b>You're still living on the reservation.</b> <b>He claims he was attacked by a half human.</b> <b>Half animal beast</b> <b>and carried him off to its cage,</b> <b>intending to use him</b> <b>as food at the proper moment,</b> <b>expecting to be devoured at any time.</b> <b>He escaped on the third night</b> <b>and wandered through the woods</b> <b>for two weeks</b> <b>until he found his way back</b> <b>to the reservation.</b> <b>Unfortunately,</b> <b>the tribe does not believe in the</b> <b>and after severely beating him</b> <b>and carrying a ton of muscle,</b> <b>they cast him out</b> <b>through singing and spoken words and.</b> <b>my God.</b> <b>Cara, check.</b> <b>Out the ruins down by the quarry.</b> <b>Keith, you stand</b> <b>guard here and.</b> <b>Hello and welcome back.</b> <b>Here we are in the middle of nowhere</b> <b>in some godforsaken forest,</b> <b>and we're going to film.</b> <b>I'll stop wearing that Bigfoot suit.</b> <b>I'm ready, boss.</b> <b>You know, I don't know why people</b> <b>complained about wearing an animal suit.</b> <b>It's not so bad in this room.</b> <b>But once we're done,</b> <b>we'll get those clothes</b> <b>you're wearing under that suit cleaned or</b> <b>will burn them or one of the other rooms.</b> <b>Nothing underneath your suit but me.</b> <b>Here.
Half percent.
Stop.</b> <b>Lord.</b> <b>We're going to have to burn that suit.</b> <b>Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
You go over there.</b> <b>We're going to stand over here.</b> <b>All you have to do is walk.</b> <b>That's it.
Just.</b> <b>What do you want me to do?</b> <b>Some kind of growl?</b> <b>Or I could shriek or I could wave my arms.</b> <b>I'm the king of the jungle,</b> <b>swinging the jungle VIP.</b> <b>Something like that just won't work.</b> <b>I can do that, boss.</b> <b>How's this?</b> <b>How does this look?</b> <b>It looks like you have your feet stuck</b> <b>in buckets of concrete.</b> <b>Just walk.
How about now?</b> <b>Fine.
Just shut up and walk.</b> <b>Step back a bit.
Just.
Just walk.</b> <b>I've got a long lens.</b> <b>Just keep walking.</b> <b>Well, that sounds like Woodchuck.</b> <b>I would just.</b> <b>Funny that you fool.
Wait.</b> <b>We better keep filming.</b> <b>Wait.</b> <b>Who's coming out of the woods?</b> <b>Woodchucks rolled.</b> <b>In right there, monkey boy.</b> <b>don't you see them signs?</b> <b>I can read him.</b> <b>Signs says posted No trespassing.</b> <b>Guess what you doing?</b> <b>I don't know.
Trespassing.</b> <b>that's right.</b> <b>I got rats.</b> <b>I got to protect me and mine.</b> <b>And guess what?</b> <b>Somebody's been mess with my.</b> <b>Whole thinking and thinking</b> <b>if you ran to me.</b> <b>No, I guess you figure it wasn't me.</b> <b>It wasn't me.
Thank goodness you found me.</b> <b>I got separated from my boss</b> <b>and my friend means</b> <b>can you get me out of here</b> <b>or can you at least fix me some lunch?</b> <b>Or can you point me</b> <b>toward the nearest bathroom?</b> <b>I drank a whole lot of Mr. Cleveland.</b> <b>I got me a red local emergency,</b> <b>if you know what I'm saying.</b> <b>You ain't going nowhere, boy.</b> <b>I knew I smelled something,</b> <b>but Memo said it was the outhouse.</b> <b>But I knew.</b> <b>I know.</b> <b>Human make a fragrance like that.</b> <b>I bet you want to name Skunk Apes</b> <b>I see on a picture, too.</b> <b>no, that ain't good.</b> <b>Yeah.
Yeah, I'm.</b> <b>I saw that he has a gun.
Mittens.</b> <b>I'm well aware of the fact</b> <b>this is truly a pickle.</b> <b>Well, I guess you're going to be promoted</b> <b>to movie.</b> <b>Get her now, Mittens.</b> <b>And good news.</b> <b>We've just reduced our costs one third.</b> <b>It won't put us on easy street,</b> <b>but it might keep us out of the poorhouse</b> <b>until we can come up with another plan.</b> <b>Folks, let's get back to the movie.</b> <b>Let's go.</b> <b>Do We got to figure something out.</b> <b>okay.
Okay, I'll save them.</b> <b>I'll think of something.</b> <b>Hiring a rescue team is going to cost</b> <b>a fortune.</b> <b>We'll have to do it ourselves, folks.</b> <b>Mittens and I have to figure out a plan</b> <b>here.</b> <b>Situations like this make me glad</b> <b>I have every episode of The A-Team on VHS.</b> <b>There's got to be something</b> <b>in one of those episodes</b> <b>that will give us a rescue idea.</b> <b>Why don't you all watch some more</b> <b>of Shriek of the Mutilated while we figure</b> <b>this out?</b> <b>It's Glenn.</b> <b>And me.</b> <b>How could I have done that?</b> <b>Not from hell, Karen.</b> <b>Just a simple oddity of nature and</b> <b>one that I have pursued for over 30 years.</b> <b>You think a yeti kill Ben and Tom?</b> <b>I'm convinced of it.</b> <b>Did you see the call logs on her throat?</b> <b>Didn't you smell a foul air?</b> <b>Get out of here.
When we're so close.</b> <b>I'll get it down to sensible.</b> <b>Karen will be safe</b> <b>if we all keep our heads</b> <b>up.
Yeah,</b> <b>you may</b> <b>well get</b> <b>well.</b> <b>Do you know why I'm here?</b> <b>Why I'm doing this?</b> <b>Do you know what people say</b> <b>behind my back?</b> <b>Karen, I need proof.</b> <b>I need solid proof that the Yeti exists.</b> <b>My entire reputation is at stake</b> <b>in this, Karen.</b> <b>I don't care about your reputation.</b> <b>Give me the keys to the van.</b> <b>I can't do that.</b> <b>The majority rule is that we stay here.</b> <b>She.
And.</b> <b>And can I see you a moment?</b> <b>But I don't want to interfere</b> <b>in your affairs.</b> <b>But can't you do something with that?</b> <b>Don't you think we better call the police?</b> <b>It's a good idea.</b> <b>It'll take them</b> <b>a little while to get here.</b> <b>Good timing.</b> <b>The phone is out again.
Now, Keith.</b> <b>I want you to listen to me closely.</b> <b>This can never be of any use</b> <b>to Tom anymore.</b> <b>I know.</b> <b>If you're going to do what I think</b> <b>you're going to do, being.</b> <b>Realistic, we came here for a purpose,</b> <b>and there's no turning back now.</b> <b>Carl, you got a sturdy bear trap?</b> <b>No, I have a a fair sized wolf trap.</b> <b>Where is it?</b> <b>It's in the basement.</b> <b>And get it right.</b> <b>And bring the longest length of chain</b> <b>you've got.</b> <b>Well, wait.</b> <b>Exactly what are you thinking?</b> <b>I aim to capture that beast alive.</b> <b>We're going to take it out</b> <b>right where he killed Lynn.</b> <b>But what about Lynn's body?</b> <b>Won't you go after.</b> <b>No danger of that.</b> <b>Keith Lynn's body is safe.</b> <b>We're in the green house.</b> <b>But if that beast is as hungry</b> <b>as I think he is, he'll hit the trap</b> <b>and he'll hit it tonight.</b> <b>How is that?</b> <b>Where?</b> <b>Looky, looky here.</b> <b>Looks like it's my lucky day.</b> <b>Finally call one of them big.</b> <b>So you think this ain't good,</b> <b>That's right.</b> <b>Well.</b> <b>Well, I'm feeling so big.</b> <b>She.
My sister's got bigger</b> <b>feet than that.</b> <b>My mama's got a bigger than that singular.</b> <b>Wait a minute.</b> <b>Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I know you.</b> <b>You that golf movie?</b> <b>No, no, never mind that.
Mine.</b> <b>I never.
Know.</b> <b>You don't know me and I don't know you.</b> <b>I hate to interrupt you, but do you think</b> <b>I could borrow borrowing your telephone?</b> <b>I got a comb.
I can call my boss.</b> <b>He can come get me and he can fire me</b> <b>and he can take me right out here.</b> <b>The last you'll ever see me.</b> <b>I ain't got no phone.</b> <b>You want to know why now is my wife.</b> <b>I mean, she done took it with her</b> <b>whenever she went off with that</b> <b>big city boy, Richie Rich.</b> <b>Taxidermy to the big city.
That's right.</b> <b>She went off with him after he fixed</b> <b>the cut on her head from the crow attack.</b> <b>that happened to me.</b> <b>Wants to win.
In my case,</b> <b>it was a bluejay.</b> <b>Birds of evil.</b> <b>Uncle.</b> <b>You is going to help me find my Marvin</b> <b>Lane.</b> <b>Pedrad, sir.</b> <b>Well, I'll be happy to talk to her</b> <b>if you like that.</b> <b>But can.
In fact,</b> <b>if I can get me out of here.</b> <b>But I got to tell you, despite how I look,</b> <b>I don't have a good track record</b> <b>with the ladies.</b> <b>But if you help me, I'll help you.</b> <b>We can wash the other in both hands.</b> <b>Lost the feet, but I really do.</b> <b>Got to find the bathroom.</b> <b>But I'll talk to your lady friend,</b> <b>if that'll help you.</b> <b>You ain't going to talk to Merlin,</b> <b>you moron.</b> <b>What you going to do</b> <b>is just help me get her back.</b> <b>Plus,</b> <b>I'm going to get myself a mess of money,</b> <b>and I ain't talking about no nickels</b> <b>and dimes.</b> <b>I'm talking about that phone money.</b> <b>It's funny you should say that,</b> <b>because looking for money is</b> <b>what led us out here in the first place.</b> <b>Why do you want to make more money?</b> <b>How we all do.</b> <b>But do you have a way to make money?</b> <b>Maybe we can work together and form</b> <b>a partnership.</b> <b>I've already got my financial strategy</b> <b>worked out soon.</b> <b>And you with the key ingredient.</b> <b>I'm glad to help</b> <b>with a letter of recommendation for me.</b> <b>I'm going to help you land a job.</b> <b>Believe me.</b> <b>Hold the penmanship there, monkey brains.</b> <b>What we going to do?</b> <b>What I'm going to do is in your hand</b> <b>and take it to the people.</b> <b>That's right</b> <b>I bet you were to bear for the book.</b> <b>Look, I mean, I am</b> <b>when I'm in covered in fleas and clear.</b> <b>You're preaching to the choir, brother.</b> <b>But I tell you what, we can scrub them</b> <b>craters off.</b> <b>I don't know.
A lot of</b> <b>this is ground in dirty.
Want to.</b> <b>Come on.</b> <b>Maybe I should sell your meat</b> <b>to the pot and meat people.</b> <b>I got a better idea.</b> <b>What we'll do.</b> <b>I'll sell your meat</b> <b>to the local school board.</b> <b>They always looking for cafeteria</b> <b>meat at a good price.</b> <b>If you know what I'm saying.</b> <b>If one time I'll plowed over</b> <b>a couple of armadillos in my garden.</b> <b>Yep, they snatched him up real good.</b> <b>Big money too.</b> <b>And I going to do the same for you.</b> <b>look, I'm pretty gamey and stringy.</b> <b>You don't want to eat me.</b> <b>I tell you what, if hot sauce and salt</b> <b>will fix and go for pie</b> <b>and make it taste</b> <b>good, it'll make you taste good.</b> <b>Let me see</b> <b>what you think.
You way, boy.</b> <b>I don't know.</b> <b>303 25.</b> <b>I wonder what I could get per pay I.</b> <b>Was told</b> <b>there wasn't going to be any math.</b> <b>Look, you don't want to meet me.</b> <b>I'm telling you, I was up there,</b> <b>you know, way down there</b> <b>in Alaska, once out on the frozen tundra,</b> <b>and I got called off.</b> <b>And the rest of the dogs on the sled team</b> <b>and I got so hungry</b> <b>I had one of my own toes</b> <b>and it didn't taste that good at all.</b> <b>And I really, really do need a bathroom.</b> <b>Just walking, boy.</b> <b>Just start.</b> <b>God, it's cold out there.
Dr.</b> <b>Crow has a lot of great</b> <b>to stay out of this long.</b> <b>Hot coffee will warm you off.</b> <b>I'll get you a cup of tea.</b> <b>How are you, honey?</b> <b>I'm perfectly fine.</b> <b>That's a good car.</b> <b>I knew you'd see it our way.</b> <b>I don't like this place.</b> <b>I don't like these people.</b> <b>Keith.</b> <b>This has all happened before.</b> <b>People get killed following him.</b> <b>It happened on the last trip,</b> <b>and it's happening now.</b> <b>Keith, please, let's get out of here.</b> <b>I'm focused so slow.</b> <b>times.
Okay,</b> <b>I know what what could happen.</b> <b>I thought, God help me,</b> <b>I touched you.</b> <b>Did you get it?</b> <b>Came at me too quickly.</b> <b>It knocked the rifle out of</b> <b>my hand, and in an instant it</b> <b>snatched the meat out of the</b> <b>path before it even sprung open.</b> <b>I lunged at it.</b> <b>I dug my fingers into its first,</b> <b>which is called its corpse.</b> <b>It bolted toward the trees.</b> <b>I could see it,</b> <b>and it was chewing the flesh of Tom's leg.</b> <b>Suddenly it stuck</b> <b>with a great shiver of its body.</b> <b>It shook me loose.
I.</b> <b>I fell against the rocks.</b> <b>I could see Yeti</b> <b>loping off into the forest</b> <b>with a chance.</b> <b>Then it is a</b> <b>yes, yes.</b> <b>And far more awesome</b> <b>than any we have ever heard or read about.</b> <b>I think that's the thing.</b> <b>I'm so pleased.</b> <b>I thought I was dreaming,</b> <b>but I guess I wasn't.</b> <b>Please, let's get out of here.</b> <b>Get out!</b> <b>You must be mad</b> <b>now that we have the proof</b> <b>that it actually exists.</b> <b>And a rare one too.</b> <b>We have the tools to attract to the again.</b> <b>And if we're resourceful enough,</b> <b>we can capture it alive.</b> <b>What to.</b> <b>The bank?</b> <b>No, not leave.</b> <b>You cannot live.
I won't allow it.</b> <b>I'm quite right.
You're a madman.</b> <b>You killed him forever.</b> <b>The killing all happens.</b> <b>If you fail, You kill me.</b> <b>I'll kill you to try again.</b> <b>Now you've gone too far.</b> <b>I don't think I've gone far enough,</b> <b>Karen.</b> <b>Karen's right about one thing.</b> <b>If we fail with live,</b> <b>there will be another chance.</b> <b>Keith.</b> <b>Carl,</b> <b>I think</b> <b>I've got a.</b> <b>Foolproof plan this time.</b> <b>Just give me a minute to sketch this out.</b> <b>When you get.</b> <b>Hello and welcome back.</b> <b>I'm sure something awful and horrid</b> <b>must be going on in this movie, but</b> <b>at the moment we have bigger fish to fry.</b> <b>Not nobody.</b> <b>That's just an expression.</b> <b>We have no fried fish cooking.</b> <b>Sadly, I meant</b> <b>we have to figure out a way to save.</b> <b>And unless you want to get our movies,</b> <b>we could get by without them, you know?</b> <b>Okay, I know, I know.</b> <b>We have to get them back.</b> <b>No one else is willing to do</b> <b>the things he does and are sure you don't</b> <b>want to be a part of getting the movies.</b> <b>okay, then.
Okay.</b> <b>Let's ask ourselves,</b> <b>what would Hannibal and B.A.</b> <b>do and how can we do it cheaper?</b> <b>What, you want to parachute in and raid</b> <b>that guy's compound and you want to use</b> <b>those explosives as a diversion?</b> <b>You want to use that that crossbow over?</b> <b>No.
There's got to be an easier way.
What?</b> <b>Of course I know where he is.</b> <b>I have that</b> <b>GPS locator permanently inserted in him</b> <b>after he got lost at the petting zoo.</b> <b>That time, I've got the tracker here.</b> <b>Let me just access the satellite and.</b> <b>there he is.
Boom.</b> <b>I got him.
He's.</b> <b>He's out in the deep backwoods</b> <b>man.
That's the plan.</b> <b>That time forgot.</b> <b>I hope SAPO hit the bathroom</b> <b>before he left,</b> <b>because it doesn't look like he's</b> <b>going to find one out there.</b> <b>Let me access the map.
Yep.</b> <b>Looks like we can slip in</b> <b>and sneak up on that guy's place.</b> <b>There's a dirt road</b> <b>that runs right past it.</b> <b>Let's see.
A lonely guy out in the woods.</b> <b>Wait, wait, wait just a minute.</b> <b>I think I have an idea.</b> <b>Here's what we're going to do.</b> <b>I was just.</b> <b>no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.</b> <b>You can keep the clothes when we're done,</b> <b>folks.</b> <b>Let's get back to the movie</b> <b>while we put the final touches on this</b> <b>mission by.</b> <b>You are delirious, Karen.</b> <b>I saw Tom.</b> <b>Yes, I know, my dear.</b> <b>You've been screaming that for hours.</b> <b>I touched him.</b> <b>He was.</b> <b>He was in the greenhouse.</b> <b>I.
I know.</b> <b>I dragged him out,</b> <b>but it was little.</b> <b>Honey, you.
Had a terrible dream.</b> <b>That's all it was.</b> <b>This was not dream.</b> <b>It was a body in the green house.</b> <b>Thought it was Lynn.</b> <b>I wanted to hide it</b> <b>so you wouldn't feed it to the beast.</b> <b>But I</b> <b>tried to drag it out of the greenhouse.</b> <b>The canvas came off,</b> <b>but I know it was Tom.</b> <b>Karen, you haven't left this house</b> <b>the entire night.</b> <b>I'm a light sleeper.</b> <b>I have heard you.</b> <b>If you'd gone past my door.</b> <b>I didn't go past you to her.</b> <b>I found a different way out.</b> <b>I went through cellar.</b> <b>Through the wine cellar,</b> <b>into the backyard.</b> <b>Right.</b> <b>That's impossible, Karen.</b> <b>That door has been sealed for 30 years.</b> <b>my God.
I must be going crazy.</b> <b>I didn't dream it.</b> <b>I didn't.</b> <b>I didn't tell you.</b> <b>Karen, this is ridiculous.</b> <b>I guess this proves it's not.
Tom.</b> <b>Honey,</b> <b>not acting like one doctor.</b> <b>I brought you on this mission</b> <b>for a reason.</b> <b>And up to now, you've been acting like</b> <b>a whimpering little girl.</b> <b>Grow up,</b> <b>Keep.</b> <b>I think it's time to go.</b> <b>When the Yeti hits</b> <b>the trip wire and the buzzer goes off</b> <b>the should blind the beast for at least</b> <b>10 seconds, giving me ample time</b> <b>to pump three of the anesthetized slugs</b> <b>into its midsection.</b> <b>If They fail to knock it out.</b> <b>Keith, you have live rounds.</b> <b>You know what to do, Carl.</b> <b>The second you switch the light</b> <b>on out on the slope with your camera.</b> <b>I can hear you well enough.</b> <b>Doctor Werner, if anyone is going to</b> <b>take pictures here, it's going to be me.</b> <b>Karen</b> <b>Now, don't get me wrong,</b> <b>I still think you're all crazy.</b> <b>But I'm doing this on one condition.</b> <b>That when it's all over,</b> <b>we leave this place.</b> <b>Whether we succeed or we fail.</b> <b>And you have my word.</b> <b>And mine.</b> <b>Well, good luck.</b> <b>Well, let's go.</b> <b>No, no.</b> <b>Swing that light over there.</b> <b>Thank.</b> <b>I'm back.</b> <b>You pull.</b> <b>Again.</b> <b>Here.</b> <b>Listen, fella, it ain't nothing personal.</b> <b>We just got this depression</b> <b>and all our guts to look out for me</b> <b>and, man, see, I've been having</b> <b>a pretty rocky road life as of late.</b> <b>Well, tell me what happened.</b> <b>I'll tell you what happened.</b> <b>See, what happened was all the bad things</b> <b>that happened to you happen to me.</b> <b>Times came last year.</b> <b>Both my knees ran out.
Both of.
Them.</b> <b>And so what I did was supposed to get me</b> <b>somebody a store bought me.</b> <b>I didn't know</b> <b>you could buy these at the store.</b> <b>And get anything if you paid a price.</b> <b>But given my financial situation,</b> <b>that deal fell through.</b> <b>So they did issue me some company needs.</b> <b>That's right.
But one problem</b> <b>every time, it rains.</b> <b>Every time humidities over 50%,</b> <b>you start rusting like the Tin Man.</b> <b>Well, I got a point in my head</b> <b>that does the same thing, man.</b> <b>That's why I wash my hair</b> <b>or stand next to a VCR when it's raining.</b> <b>I know what you're going through.</b> <b>Between your head and my knees.</b> <b>Maybe we share a similar affliction.</b> <b>Maybe so.</b> <b>Maybe you and I got more in common</b> <b>than I thought.</b> <b>Maybe so.</b> <b>Hey, you said something earlier</b> <b>about that lady.</b> <b>What?
Run off with you.</b> <b>I've had a of women</b> <b>run away from me over the years.</b> <b>Really?
yeah.</b> <b>There ain't no shame in that.</b> <b>There's a whole lot of women out there.</b> <b>Tell me about this.</b> <b>More of a lean man.
Merv.
Elaine.</b> <b>She's my kind of girl.</b> <b>I tell you what, She's a sturdy broad,</b> <b>too strong as an ox.</b> <b>She could carry a mule for miles uphill.</b> <b>She's my kind of lady, but I keep going.</b> <b>Well, don't worry, man.</b> <b>There's plenty of frogs in the pond.</b> <b>You know what?</b> <b>Out there somewhere is a person</b> <b>or a place or a thing</b> <b>that's going to make</b> <b>you believe in yourself again.
Man.</b> <b>You think so?</b> <b>I know so, man.</b> <b>Look, I'm</b> <b>sorry about having to take you and scan</b> <b>your hat and sell your fur and say,</b> <b>you're me.</b> <b>It's just</b> <b>I got to look out for me and mine and,</b> <b>you know, I just can't do it.</b> <b>I'm not going to sell your fur</b> <b>or your hide.</b> <b>that's good news.
My boss.</b> <b>My boss is going to sell my one at a time.</b> <b>I ain't that kind of guy.</b> <b>You know what?</b> <b>I'm going to walk</b> <b>you back and help you find your people.</b> <b>that's so that is great news,</b> <b>but I really do.</b> <b>Got to find that bathroom.
Let's go</b> <b>this way.</b> <b>You're probably over here somewhere.</b> <b>Is she dead?
No.</b> <b>But she is a deep state of shock.</b> <b>One more exposure should do the trick.</b> <b>What do you suggest?</b> <b>We pull practically</b> <b>every chick out of the bag.</b> <b>Maybe we should just kill her</b> <b>like the rest can be done with.</b> <b>No call.
No.</b> <b>The code of the votary demands,</b> <b>no body bruises.
No.</b> <b>She must be frightened to death.</b> <b>I have an idea.</b> <b>I don't think so.</b> <b>Put your hands up.</b> <b>Really Keep.
I thought her sleep.</b> <b>I mean, when I said Put your hands up</b> <b>something reasonable.</b> <b>What are.</b> <b>Try me.</b> <b>Be reasonable, Keith Michels</b> <b>in that rifle.</b> <b>Ineffectual as the ones in Tom's rifle.</b> <b>Ernst,</b> <b>would you move to than</b> <b>our guests will need the space department.</b> <b>Yeah.</b> <b>Okay.</b> <b>Hello, Operator,</b> <b>Would you please get me</b> <b>that cozy rest motel?</b> <b>Yeah.</b> <b>Hello?</b> <b>Cozy motel?
Yes.</b> <b>Would you please ring rooms?</b> <b>Two, ten, 114 and 150.</b> <b>Right</b> <b>at rooms 210 114, 115,</b> <b>three, 24, three, 26 and 421.</b> <b>Right.</b> <b>Would you call all those rooms</b> <b>and tell them that the breakfast is on</b> <b>at the appointed time?</b> <b>not all.</b> <b>I'm not</b> <b>imagining</b> <b>mean.</b> <b>Welcome back, folks.</b> <b>Men's and I are about to go rescue SAPO</b> <b>from that drunken hillbilly</b> <b>that kidnaped them earlier.</b> <b>I'm hoping for Bob</b> <b>wants to scoop off the big ones,</b> <b>but the most important thing is</b> <b>you got to get the eggs</b> <b>or you'll be scratching your head</b> <b>with a fork out in the front lawn.</b> <b>Wait, You're right.</b> <b>Here he comes.</b> <b>Well, Bahamian.</b> <b>Hey, fellas.
Marvin</b> <b>I thought you was my wife.</b> <b>no, Daddy.
Marvelous enough my body met.</b> <b>Rough one all three of you about.</b> <b>He sure does look like marveling.</b> <b>And that big guy right there is my boss.</b> <b>This is</b> <b>the one who tried to steal your loans.</b> <b>I was gonna only sell one of them.</b> <b>don't go and sell one of them.</b> <b>Let me tell you something, Mr..</b> <b>What you done to him.
Wrong.
Wrong.</b> <b>You got yourself a and talk</b> <b>and breathe in Big Foot.</b> <b>And he was going to sell his lungs out</b> <b>from underneath him for shame.</b> <b>hey, wait.</b> <b>You mean you think he's really a Bigfoot?</b> <b>You know what?</b> <b>You're right.
Well, we better be going,</b> <b>folks.</b> <b>Let's get back to the thrilling conclusion</b> <b>of Shriek of the Mutilated here</b> <b>on Nightmare Theater.</b> <b>Are you talking to?</b> <b>Hey, Fuzzy Britches.</b> <b>Too bad you ain't got a sister.</b> <b>Well,</b> <b>he does have a sister.
Name of Petunia.</b> <b>And guess what?
He is single.</b> <b>Yeah, and he.</b> <b>Well,</b> <b>he says.
He says he's looking to mingle.</b> <b>You want me to give you her number?</b> <b>Well, I don't know if you recollect,</b> <b>but I ain't got no phone.</b> <b>But you pretend</b> <b>you looks anything like he does.</b> <b>I'll get me a phone.</b> <b>Lord.
Folks, let's get back to the movie.</b> <b>Who are you talking to?</b> <b>When I</b> <b>do you on the prowl.</b> <b>We have to go to Rio this night.</b> <b>To you, dear colleague goes the tribute.</b> <b>The Friends of the Covenant</b> <b>gathered from around the world.</b> <b>You suck at your table.</b> <b>We consider</b> <b>all good blessings on your person</b> <b>and we invoke the beneficent presence</b> <b>of the Lord Bell Barrett</b> <b>on this assembly.</b> <b>In seven years.</b> <b>I last held this myself.</b> <b>It's been my privilege</b> <b>to join my companions in salutation</b> <b>to the one among us who has been granted</b> <b>the commission of our faith.</b> <b>Madam Winchester, could we ever</b> <b>forget that our lives.</b> <b>And to think we thought</b> <b>that lady was passé?</b> <b>I don't know.</b> <b>I don't know.
What you're doing.</b> <b>All these people are.</b> <b>But I'm going to put a stop to it</b> <b>right now.</b> <b>I knew you'd be back.</b> <b>I made up the card.</b> <b>Where is she?</b> <b>All in good time.</b> <b>What am I, crazy is your job.</b> <b>Sorry.</b> <b>Sure.
Glad you flagged me down.</b> <b>it is.
Sure.
I hated chasing you.</b> <b>Forgive my manners, my friends.</b> <b>This is Keith Henshaw,</b> <b>a sensitive, intelligent,</b> <b>and perhaps I'm wrong, but the most</b> <b>promising young associate of mine</b> <b>I've been given to heroics.</b> <b>I'm afraid it was a nasty blow</b> <b>you gave me, young man.</b> <b>I should have killed you</b> <b>with Karen in time.</b> <b>In the meantime, let me present</b> <b>the esteemed members of the Joan.</b> <b>Do you remember my.</b> <b>A nice to see you again, young man.
Why,</b> <b>that's the finger, people</b> <b>must be some sort of devil cult.</b> <b>I see Dr.</b> <b>Powell is left out</b> <b>part of your education deliberately.</b> <b>Our forebears were affiliated</b> <b>with the votary, a popular</b> <b>cult of Satanists who were driven</b> <b>underground in 17th century France.</b> <b>Much of their mythology was meaningless.</b> <b>Ceremony, but it served its purpose</b> <b>for our systematic brethren.</b> <b>One of the many rituals was one</b> <b>that brought</b> <b>unbounded benefits</b> <b>to those who participated in.</b> <b>Those who practiced among largely</b> <b>sham men camels.</b> <b>We prefer kindness.</b> <b>It's less droll.</b> <b>But the end.</b> <b>The beast.</b> <b>the beast is in the closet.</b> <b>A device conceived by her years</b> <b>to draw suspicion from our activity</b> <b>has been sequestered in the caves</b> <b>and utilized only when needed.</b> <b>You think the movement is extremely</b> <b>fond of what you might call Asterix</b> <b>to kill solely</b> <b>for the purpose of satisfying</b> <b>the appetite would be primitive,</b> <b>or, to use your word, cannibalistic.</b> <b>We like to put on a show.</b> <b>Each of us in turn supplies</b> <b>food for the rest of the annual</b> <b>Saturnalia.</b> <b>Each host is given a devise</b> <b>a sign of recognition.</b> <b>This year the honor fell to me.</b> <b>I last hosted the Brotherhood</b> <b>at an exquisite banquet in Hudson's Bay.</b> <b>you remember</b> <b>Sinclair's story of that episode?</b> <b>He supplied an</b> <b>excellent line, I must admit.</b> <b>Defeat.</b> <b>It was a custom.
Again,</b> <b>that's impossible.</b> <b>I Mean the sounds of the attacks.</b> <b>How not to shoot in that closet.</b> <b>I'll fix me a call</b> <b>when our dual presence was demanded.</b> <b>Modern supplied that.</b> <b>Then it was you that hit me with that</b> <b>rock.</b> <b>No, not that was cop.</b> <b>He was the Yeti.</b> <b>Naturally laughing,</b> <b>operated the light network in his absence.</b> <b>Karen was right.
About Tom and did not.</b> <b>Know this.</b> <b>The clock struck.</b> <b>Let us start tonight.
Here.
Begin</b> <b>Lobby girl, bring me a chair.</b> <b>This is.</b> <b>This is M.C.</b> <b>age 16, North America calling M.S.</b> <b>H one Corsica and see H 16, M.C.</b> <b>H.
One.</b> <b>Come in, come in, Corsica</b> <b>And old boss.</b> <b>America is this.
Real cow.</b> <b>Come here.</b> <b>All, all wish you good health.</b> <b>Joy and long.</b> <b>Life on this most auspicious of night.</b> <b>How have you been this successful?</b> <b>It is my honor to report complete success</b> <b>by life.</b> <b>Well, there any complications?</b> <b>Well, this is the one selected to carry</b> <b>the Yankee legend back to</b> <b>the people has discovered the truth.</b> <b>But true,</b> <b>we may succeed here nevertheless,</b> <b>I believe he can be persuaded</b> <b>to perpetuate the legend for us.</b> <b>He's already been initiated,</b> <b>unwittingly, to be sure.</b> <b>But I don't believe you want his friends</b> <b>and family</b> <b>to know</b> <b>he enjoyed the very thing he may condemn.</b> <b>What are you talking about?</b> <b>Yes.
Unless he accepts the honor,</b> <b>he will not live to see the sunrise</b> <b>bedridden.</b> <b>When those are calling.
Him</b> <b>our best answer.</b> <b>And earlier, I will warm up a piece.</b> <b>And live live Tom.</b> <b>It was all is arranged.</b> <b>There is no.</b> <b>Guarantee</b> <b>he sleeps.</b> <b>The sleep of the life of care</b> <b>is the bloodied, unblemished victim.</b> <b>Exquisite delight in</b> <b>the untouched sacrificed to Saturnalia.</b> <b>The knife never touched her body.</b> <b>She was scared to death.</b> <b>Crawl on.
My.</b> <b>Time is at hand Key.</b> <b>Join us</b> <b>on Join Karen.</b> <b>Keep to count, my boy.</b> <b>I don't care.</b> <b>About.</b> <b>This.</b> <b>The hunch</b> <b>Why meet by dark?</b> <b>Well, hello and welcome back.</b> <b>So that was the end of that movie</b> <b>in wasn't the whole thing just terrible?</b> <b>Who?
Who?</b> <b>Hoo, man.</b> <b>Sorry, boss,</b> <b>but I really did have to use the bathroom.</b> <b>That is the absolute last time.</b> <b>I'll drink six gallons of Mr. Pibb.</b> <b>By the way, is there a mop?</b> <b>Better yet,</b> <b>a sharp, thick somewhere around here</b> <b>because someone glued that zipper shut.</b> <b>Yeah, dear.</b> <b>Wonder who could have glued</b> <b>that zipper shut.</b> <b>I'm back.</b> <b>This is Get back to business.</b> <b>You know, Saffo, this has got to be</b> <b>one of the worst movies we've ever shown.</b> <b>I wouldn't know.
I didn't get to see it.</b> <b>I spent most of the day out in the woods</b> <b>with that fellow.</b> <b>Well, you're going to watch it tonight.</b> <b>And every night from now on,</b> <b>maybe learn a valuable lesson.</b> <b>You know what?</b> <b>Before I do that,</b> <b>I want to thank you for coming to get me.</b> <b>But why was Mittens dressed up like that?</b> <b>that we were going to do that thing</b> <b>that bugs Bunny did that one time.</b> <b>Remember when Bugs put on that dress</b> <b>and that wig and fooled Elmer Fudd?</b> <b>That's where we got the idea.</b> <b>Mittens was going to sashay by.</b> <b>And when that guy distracted,</b> <b>I was going to run.</b> <b>Well, walk in and get you out.</b> <b>did you miss me?</b> <b>No.
No, I did not.</b> <b>He.
He's lying, old guys.
I'm.</b> <b>You came.
But.</b> <b>But that guy I was with, he wasn't so bad.</b> <b>He looked bad to me.</b> <b>He really thought you were</b> <b>some kind of talking Bigfoot.</b> <b>Why didn't</b> <b>you just take that Bigfoot suit off?</b> <b>Don't you?</b> <b>I didn't have a thing underneath</b> <b>that suit, and I'm a little bit bashful.</b> <b>we got to burn.</b> <b>That's when he and I were going</b> <b>to go into the possum smuggling business.</b> <b>Boss, don't even worry about it.</b> <b>Just leave the moneymaking to me as usual.</b> <b>I had to save our collective bacon.</b> <b>And let me tell you,</b> <b>we are on Easy Street.</b> <b>I sold that tape of Woodchucks</b> <b>chasing SAPO</b> <b>to the funny, funny home videos,</b> <b>and we won the grand prize.</b> <b>Look, look.
Here it is.
Look.</b> <b>All that is good news.</b> <b>News, news.
wow.
I forgot.</b> <b>We have</b> <b>all been invited to the wedding</b> <b>of Lightfoot and Mittens.</b> <b>Sister Petunia.</b> <b>So he found love.</b> <b>We made money.</b> <b>All's well that ends well.</b> <b>I guess.</b> <b>So.
You're going to sell my innards</b> <b>after all?</b> <b>Well, not tonight.</b> <b>So what do we have on tap for next week?</b> <b>We have this boss</b> <b>night.</b> <b>Tired with its boundless power ties.</b> <b>These two together in a love</b> <b>tainted by strange,</b> <b>sinister terror.</b> <b>The siren song of the sea</b> <b>pulsating like a.</b> <b>Bongo beat calling, driving the sea.</b> <b>People.</b> <b>You saw how she looked at me,</b> <b>how she spoke to me.</b> <b>She's one of them.</b> <b>She's one of the sea people.</b> <b>Tony, I'm so afraid.</b> <b>my goodness.</b> <b>Mittens, get some stamps, Get some boxes,</b> <b>get some dry.</b> <b>Get on the horn</b> <b>and call your man in Tijuana.</b> <b>See what we can get for both of his lungs.</b> <b>I bet there's people out there who pay</b> <b>good money for a spleen while we're at it</b> <b>delivers obviously off the market.</b> <b>But maybe we can sell a kidney or two</b> <b>to some sap south of the border.</b> <b>Folks, Mittens and I have some dissecting</b> <b>and some mailing to do so</b> <b>next week,</b> <b>may all your dreams be nightmares.</b>
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Nightmare Theatre is a local production supported by Pensacon and The Fish House.