I shouldn't have seen it.

She should have closed the dang door.

My teacher had just talked about it.

How does shame show up in your life?

Later at breakfast, I tell her, "Girl, you don't need so much cereal."

She answers by throwing some at me.

It's disgusting watching her eat shoveling sugar smacks in her mouth, barely pausing to breathe.

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, sugar, sugar, sugar.

I wanted to yell, maybe even slap her.

I saw you.

I saw you this morning.

As much as I try not to see you, I can't help but see you.

We catch the bus and as usual, I run ahead, hoping against hope that no one will see me with her.

I mutter the usual to the bus driver.

Wait, she's coming.

I sit way in the back, laughing with my friends, even joining in when they laugh at her.

Maybe I laugh the loudest.

fourth period.

I see her in the school hallway, her shirt button about to pop, wearing those stupid leggings that make her look like some nasty over stuffed sausage.

I hear them all laughing, snickering, calling her names.

Blubber butt, bugger bear, fat lord ass.

She passes me, her eyes plead in her mouth, greasy as always, whispers, "I am your sister.

help me.

And I pretend not to hear walk past trying not to see.

I remember that moment so vividly when they pull me out of class to tell me that she cut herself.

Razor slashes up her whole arm and all the way down those sausage thighs.

And they tell me how the janitor had to use a crowbar to open the stall door to pry her out.

That night racked with grief.

Our mother screams at me, "Why didn't you say something?"

And I stutter, trying to come up with an answer.

And I think about what I tried to unsee.

My sister in the bathroom that morning, stripped of all her clothes, trying to weigh herself on one leg.

A hippopotamus trying to strike a ballerina pose.

That's what I thought before.

I thought she's going to break the scale.

My mother looks at me, tears rolling down her face, a look I will never be able to unsee.

I'm so ashamed of you.

And here she is now.

Silver Anderson joins us now along with Zach Woods, the Milwaukee Rep's associate director of education.

Thank you both for joining us.

Uh, Silver, you were talking about a funny story that came with winning, right?

So, uh, go ahead and tell us about that.

Yeah, so after we all finished our monologues, um, they had us go back up to the green room and then we came back down and they had like the checks that they were giving all of the all of the the winners um, like on the like table that was out there and the person that went before me, she was standing in front of me cuz we were in order cuz cuz theatrics and whatnot, but she saw my name on the the first place one and then she looked at me and she didn't tell me.

She was just like, "I'm going to chill."

And then we came in, we sat down and then all of the all of the people got their things and then he got to the or the announcer got to the the first place like check and they're they were like this big and he was trying to hold it to his chest, but I was also sitting towards the back or like basically almost behind him and I was like, "I'm not going to peek.

I'm not going to peek.

I'm not going to peek."

I peaked and I go, "Everything's fine.

and everything's fine.

Just just pretend.

Oh my god.

Yay.

I I was still like obviously very happy, but I had to like suppress it immediately and then go back to normal because it was for sure cuz my mother was also sitting in the audience because she was like, I'm going to fly to New York to support you.

And I was like, great.

So, I was like, I I can't I I have I have to wait.

I have to wait.

It's going to be fine.

But yeah, that was that was my funny story.

I just think it's funny every time because it's like That was pretty funny.

But uh on a more serious note, just talking about the monologue, just talk about your motivation behind it and really how you got into uh acting.

Yeah.

Um I the next next narrative monologue competition.

Very very fun thing to say in words.

Um the the they have a compendium too now as we learned at the competition this year.

um with a bunch of monologues in them written by a bunch of different black playwrits, which is also very cool and very awesome because we need new work and we need new work by black people because we like to say a lot of stuff and we like to tell stories, too.

Um I chose my piece from the first one because that's the one we had access to.

Um this is my second year participating in the competition and I won this year which was really great.

Uh but I think I was between a couple but I chose this one because I wanted to stretch myself as an actor.

Um I'm not a mean person as my character was.

So, she was still learning and like growing as a human being in this piece, which is what we discover that it was about, but I did want to stretch myself or find something that I don't normally do, which is like mean girl who's also grieving and going through something.

So, you can't just hate the character the whole time.

Got to have a little bit of depth, a little depth, a little bit of complexity.

And then as far as acting goes, I've been acting since I was in I want to say first or second grade.

Um, my first show I think was either The Whiz or Peggy the Pintsized Pirate and I and I played a pilot a p a parrot named Polly.

Yes.

Um, just great some it was on because of course Polly the parrot.

What else would you call your parrot?

Um, but it was a great time and then I just I've loved storytelling since I was very young.

Like ever since I could start writing stories I was like I'm gonna do that.

I'm gonna write a book now.

So much fun.

I haven't written one but I have a lot of things in my brain and I have a lot of docs that still need to get finished.

But yeah, I really like acting.

Um, I was just in a production of Romeo and Juliet at First Stage, so it's a very fun time.

I enjoy the theater quite a bit clearly.

But no, I enjoy it.

Zach, though, this is a rigorous pro rigorous process for uh these students and these uh actors.

So talk about that and how uh Silver got to be a winner and the process as a whole.

Yeah, it's a rigorous process, but it's also a really fun process and a rewarding process, right?

So this competition was started by True Colors Theater in Atlanta, Georgia.

Uh and like Silver said, their goal was to uh sort of amplify the voices of contemporary black playwrights.

They commissioned a bunch of monologues into this compendium.

So when students start in the program, they pick one of the monologues from this compendium.

Uh they begin in the fall with us.

We offer a variety of free workshops.

Students can drop in at Milwaukee Rep.

That's going to begin this year in late October.

Monday nights beginning the 20th and we'll sort of alternate every other Monday.

You can drop in between 4:30 and 6:30.

Work with professional teaching artists on picking a monologue and then getting some coaching.

After that, uh students have to audition in a round of preliminaries.

Uh and then we go down to a round of semi-finals and ultimately uh that cohort gets some training that leads them up to the regional competition where we pick two students uh that then go on to compete nationally in New York City at the Apollo Theater.

Nice, nice, nice.

And you conquered all of that, Silver.

Wow.

So, uh got to be proud of yourself.

What's next for you?

Um I start school soon.

We're doing well, First Aage.

I'm in First Stage Young Company, which is their like teen college prep acting program.

Um, and I'm in Rose of Treason, which is a new show cuz The Violence of Hope are doing a residency in the area.

So, I'm in that show is Professor Huber.

I think that is what the character's name is.

So, you can catch me down there.

Uh, yeah, that's where you should find me because that'd be really fun and really cool.

I love it.

You're going to go far.

So, Silver, thank you.

Zach, thank you as well.

Of course.

Thank you.

[Music]