(man) ♪ WELCOME TO A SHOW ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN SEE ♪ ♪ WITHOUT GOING FAR, AND A LOT OF THEM ARE FREE.

♪ ♪ IF YOU THOUGHT THERE WAS NOTHING ♪ ♪ IN THE OLD HEARTLAND, ♪ ♪ YOU OUGHT TO HIT THE BLACKTOP ♪ ♪ WITH THESE FOOLS IN A VAN.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT ART IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ RANDY DOES THE STEERING SO HE WON'T HURL.

♪ ♪ MIKE'S GOT THE MAP, SUCH A MAN OF THE WORLD.

♪ ♪ THAT'S DON WITH THE CAMERA, ♪ ♪ KIND OF HEAVY ON HIS SHOULDER.

♪ ♪ AND THAT GIANT BALL OF TAPE, IT'S A WORLD RECORD HOLDER.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT ART IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ LOOK OUT, THEY'RE DRIVING HARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT THE WORLD IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD, ♪ ♪ CHECKING OUT THE WORLD IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD.

♪ ♪ THIS TRIP'S REMINDING ME OF THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING WITH YOUR FAMILY SOMEWHERE, AND IT'S RAINING, AND YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU'RE GONNA HATE EACH OTHER.

OH, YEAH.

IN JUST A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME.

ALREADY I'M ON MY NERVES.

(Don) DEAR TV MAILBAG, DID SOMEONE FORGET TO TELL THESE GUYS THAT SPRING IS THE RAINY SEASON?

HI, DON THE CAMERAMAN HERE, AND TRUST ME, IT WON'T BE THOSE PRODUCERS STANDING OUT IN IT.

BUT LOOK WHO'S WHINING.

I'M READY TO GO HOME.

I THINK I WANT TO GO HOME.

I DIDN'T MENTION MY PHOBIA ABOUT DRIVING IN THE RAIN, DID I?

I THINK I MIGHT JUST WANT TO GO BACK HOME.

(Don) NO, EVEN THE OPTIMIST IN THE CAR AGREED IT WASN'T LOOKING GOOD, SO WE DECIDED THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION WOULD BE TO HUNKER DOWN FOR A WHILE, AND WHAT BETTER PLACE FOR HUNKERING THAN HUMANSVILLE?

(Mike) OOH, THE PUBLIC TV DIET.

(Don) THE COFFEE WAS HOT, THE CONVERSATION STIMULATIN', AND ONCE AGAIN, WE DISCOVERED THAT, LO AHD BEHOLD, ELVIS IS EVERYWHERE.

I'VE BEEN ON GERALDO RIVERA, OPRAH WINFREY, DAVID LETTERMAN.

GOING TOWARDS NASHVILLE.

MAY 24th, I'M OPENING FOR THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS.

I'D DONE A SHOW AT THE WOMEN'S PRISON IN INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA, AND A GIRL SAT THERE WHILE I WAS DOING THE SHOW AND DRAWED IT.

OKAY, DON THE CAMERAMAN, HERE'S YOUR PICTURE.

Y'ALL GOT HIM DOIN' ALL THE WORK, HAVEN'T YOU?

(Don) NOW, THAT IS ONE SMART GUY AND CLEARLY THE BEST ELVIS IMPERSONATOR IN ALL THE WORLD.

HOWEVER, EVEN HE COULD NOT MAKE IT STOP RAINING, MEANING, LIKE IT OR NOT, WE WERE GONNA HAVE TO PASS HUBCAP HILL IN LESS THAN PERFECT CONDITIONS.

(Randy) OH, BOY.

WELL, IT'S A LOT OF HUBCAPS.

I DON'T THINK I'D GO OUT OF MY WAY FOR THAT.

(Don) NO, THINGS WEREN'T LOOKIN' GOOD.

JUST WHEN IT APPEARED THAT ALL WAS LOST, THE TV GOD SMILED UPON US.

BY THE TIME WE MADE SPRINGFIELD, SOMEHOW THE CLOUDS HAD CLEARED AND THE STREETS WERE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC.

♪ PICTURE YOU UPON MY KNEE.

♪ ♪ JUST TEA FOR TWO AND TWO FOR TEA.

♪ ♪ (Don) ROBERT E. SMITH DOES LOVE TO SING, AND HE LOVES TO PAINT.

WITH EACH PAINTING, HE MAKES A TAPE DESCRIBING IT, AND SOMETIMES HE SINGS ON THAT.

AS GRASSROOTS ARTISTS GO, HE'S ONE OF THE HOTTEST AROUND, BEING COLLECTED AND RESPECTED BY MORE AND MORE PEOPLE IN THE KNOW.

(Robert) "DON MATTINGLY OF THE NEW YORK YANKEES, "HE'S STANDING OVER THERE BY FIRST BASE "TRYING TO HOLD A DINOSAUR "AT FIRST BASE, WHO HAS ALREADY GOT A HIT.

"THIS IS JUST A PRACTICE GAME.

MOST OF THE TEAM IS SOMEWHERE ELSE."

THIS IS MY MISSILE.

THIS WAS DONE ON THE THEME OF BUILDING BRIDGES FOR FRISCO DAY ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO.

THIS IS THE OLD U.S.S.

MISSOURI AND A SAILBOAT.

THEN DOWN HERE, BROTHERS TO THE RESCUE--KENNEDY, AND WE HAVE KHRUSHCHEV AND CASTRO.

(Mike) THIS PAINTING IS MORE ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU EAT, IT LOOKS LIKE.

(Robert) WELL, IT IS EAT, BUT IT'S MY OWN DESIGN.

THAT WOMAN THAT'S GOT THAT FUNNY HEADDRESS ON, I THINK SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A WAITRESS.

SHE'S HOLDING A TRAY THERE, AND IT'S GOT A RED BOWL OF SOUP AND A HAMBURGER SANDWICH.

THIS IS ELVIS PRESLEY.

THAT'S A SHORT-SLEEVED T-SHIRT.

THEY HAVE EXTRA LARGE AND LARGE.

(Mike) WHEN DID YOU FIRST START PAINTING?

WELL, I WAS DOING IT DURING THE MIDDLE '30s WHEN MY DAD WAS LIVING-- WELL, USING CRAYONS THEN, NOT PAINTS, MIKE.

THEN I GOT TO WHERE I WAS INTERESTED IN IT AFTER MY DAD DIED, I'D SAY DURING THE DEPRESSION, WHEN I WAS GOING TO GRADE SCHOOL IN DALLAS.

I WAS LEARNING TO USE WATERCOLORS A LITTLE BIT, AND I GOT TO LIKING IT BETTER.

THEY WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF A PAINTING THAT I DID FOR YOU.

(man) I'LL BE ON TV WITH YOU.

(Robert) I OUGHT TO STAND BACK FOR THE PAINTING.

NOW HE DOESN'T WANT TO STAND WITH ME.

SEE HOW HE IS?

(Mike) WH ERE DO THESE-- WHERE DID ALL THESE CO ME FROM?

(Robert) OH, ONCE IN A WHILE, TAKING A BUS TRIP AND GOING SOMEWHERE.

SOME THINGS COME FROM THERE.

I DON'T LIKE TO FLY TOO MUCH, AND I THINK I SEE MORE.

I LIKE TO GO BY BUS OR TRAIN.

I DON'T CARE FOR PLANES TOO MUCH.

BY THE WAY, THAT'S RAY CHARLES PLAYING THE PIANO.

I HAVE DONE SOME PAINTINGS OF RAY CHARLES, AND I SOLD A COUPLE.

GOT SOME FAIRLY GOOD MONEY, AND IT LOOKED LIKE RAY CHARLES TOO.

WHERE'S MY UNICYCLE AT?

"I HAVE ANOTHER VEHICLE TO RIDE.

"HELP ME; I'M AFRAID I WILL BUST MY SIDE.

"THE VEHICLE IS A ONE-WHEEL UNICYCLE.

CAN'T SAY IT WILL BE FUN LIKE A BICYCLE."

(Don) WE'RE GONNA COUNT ONE, TWO, THREE.

(Randy) DID YOU CHECK THE FOCUS?

♪ CAN'T YOU SEE ♪ ♪ HOW HAPPY WE WILL BE?

♪ ♪ PEOPLE, TOO, KIND OF LIKE TO JOG ALONG TO THAT SOMETIME TOO.

(Mike) THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

(Don) NOW, I SUPPOSE IT COULD BE SAID THAT WE WERE SO CLOSE TO THAT SPORTIN' GOODS STORE THE SIZE OF RHODE ISLAND THAT WE SHOULD'VE GONE, BUT AFTER ROBERT, I THINK IT WOULD'VE BEEN A LETDOWN.

BESIDES, THE SUN WAS OUT, AND THERE WAS MORE ART TO BE SEEN JUST DOWN HIGHWAY 60 NEAR REPUBLIC.

THIS IS RALPH LANNING'S HOMEGROWN ROADSIDE SCULPTURE PARK.

(Ralph) I BOUGHT THIS LAND IN '63, AND I STARTED HERE ABOUT '70, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

JUST BEFORE I RETIRED... OR GOT TIRED.

(Randy) WHERE DID THE VISION COME FROM?

(Ralph) I JUST STARTED IN, THAT'S ALL.

STARTED PUTTING IT TOGETHER, AND IT WOUND UP THAT WAY.

IT'S JUST JUNK, ALL IT IS.

THIS IS THE REAPER, AND HERE'S THE PLOW.

THIS HERE'S A... LIKE, A FISH?

AND THAT SPRING, I MADE THE DOOR SPRING FOR A GARAGE.

I THINK I ASK FOR PAUL BUNYAN.

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING OVER HERE.

THIS HERE IS THE FIRST BROKEN HEART HERE.

(Mike) TH E FIRST BR OKEN HEART?

(Ralph) YEAH, BOY AND GIRL.

SEE, SHE WANTS TO PLAY HOUSE, AND HE WANTS TO GO OFF AND PLAY WAR.

AND THIS HERE NOW, 20 YEARS LATER, SECOND BROKEN HEART.

(Mike) NO W HE'S REALLY GOING OF F TO WAR, AND SHE'S-- LOOKS LIKE SHE'S-- (Ralph) YEAH, WELL, SHE GOT HIM TO PLAY HOUSE SOMETIME OR ANOTHER.

(Gretchen) HE'S ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING.

HE NEVER SITS STILL FOR TWO MINUTES.

IF HE'S IN THE HOUSE AND IT'S STORMING, HE JUST WALKS BACK AND FORTH AND THINKS OF SOMETHING TO DO.

HE CAN'T JUST SIT DOWN AND RELAX.

(Randy) AND THIS LADY LOOKS A LITTLE MORE...WELL, NAKED.

UH, NO, SHE'S GOT ON THAT THERE, UH... YOU KNOW, SKINTIGHTS.

(Randy) OH, OKAY, OKAY, WELL... DO PEOPLE STOP, DRIVING BY?

OH, YEAH.

TAKING PICTURES-- THEY THINK THIS IS A PARK OR SOMETHING.

THIS WOULD BE A HOSEHEAD IF EVER THERE WAS ONE.

(Mike) WHERE DO YOU GET THIS STUFF?

(Ralph) JU ST PICKING IT UP.

IT'S JUST SOME JUNK.

WHAT HAPPENED, SEE: I'M SUPPOSED TO HAUL IT AWAY, BUT IT COSTS TOO MUCH TO HAUL IT AWAY.

'CAUSE I PUT IT TOGETHER.

NOW IT'S-- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

ART?

[laughing] ART...SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

SO I DON'T HAVE TO HAUL IT AWAY.

(Don) AND SPEAKING OF HAULING THINGS AWAY OR NOT, IT WAS AT THIS POINT THAT RALPH AND GRETCHEN CAME PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO HAVING A NEW ATTRACTION THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T WANT.

(Randy) I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE BALL.

(Mike) I THOUGHT YOU GOT THE BALL.

(Don) AFTER THIS DARING RESCUE AND A STERN TALKING-TO, THE WORLD'S LARGEST BALL OF VIDEOTAPE WAS BACK ON BOARD, HEADED SOUTH TOWARD HIGHLANDVILLE, HOME OF ANOTHER RECORD HOLDER, ALL 217 SQUARE FEET OF THE WORLD'S SMALLEST CHURCH.

(Karl) WELL, I TAUGHT IN BAVARIA A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO, AND I BROUGHT HOME A RECORD ALBUM, AND IT HAD A PICTURE OF A CHURCH WITH A BLUE CUPOLA ON, WHICH IS--IN THAT AREA, YOU SEE QUITE A FEW OF THEM.

AND I REALIZED, IF I PUT A BLUE CUPOLA ON MY OLD WASHHOUSE, IT WOULD LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THAT CHURCH.

AND I HAD IT PUT ON ABOUT A MONTH BEFORE I MOVED DOWN HERE, AND WHEN THE MOVERS PULLED UP, ONE OF THE LOCAL BAPTISTS CAME TO SEE ME, AND HE SAID THE RUMOR WAS THAT A JEWISH FAMILY HAD MOVED INTO TOWN.

AND I SAID, "NO, WE'RE NOT JEWISH, BUT MY BOSS IS."

AND HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LITTLE BIT, AND HE'S BEEN COMING TO MASS HERE BECAUSE WE HAVE THE SAME BOSS.

(Randy) SO THE TOTAL AT ANY GIVEN TIME, IT MIGHT BE-- (Karl) THE MAXIMUM IS 15 IF WE PUT IN CHAIRS.

(Mike) SO IF OUR LADY OF THE PHONE BOOTH WERE TO COME ALONG, WHAT DO YOU DO?

JUST ACCEPT GRACEFULLY?

(Karl) OH, SURE, SURE.

I MEAN-- (Mike) WELL, YOU COULD, YOU KNOW, PARTITION IT OFF AND MAKE IT A LITTLE SMALLER.

NO, WE'RE NOT TRYING TO-- WE'RE TRYING TO SERVE PEOPLE, REALLY.

AND THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE TO BE SERVED OUT HERE.

[yawning] (Don) NOW, I DON'T MEAN TO BE SCARIN' ANYBODY.

IT'S JUST SO NICE NOT TO WAKE UP AND FIND MYSELF IN ANOTHER CHEAP MOTEL.

HEY, DON.

HEY, THANKS FOR THE SHAVER.

(Don) WE MAY NOT KNOW ANY OF THOSE BIG NAMES WHO SET UP SHOP IN BRANSON, BUT HERE IN POWERSITE, JUST A FEW MILES AWAY, WE DO KNOW MICHAEL BREWER, ONE HALF OF THE ALMOST LEGENDARY BREWER AND SHIPLEY, AND HE HAS EXTENDED TO US THE COMFORTS OF SCARLETT'S MOUNTAIN.

I WOULD THINK CERTAIN MORNINGS, COMING OUT HERE MUST BE PR ETTY STRIKING.

(Michael) YEAH, IT REALLY IS.

SCARLETT HAS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE HERE.

GREAT SUNSETS TOO.

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CALLED IT "THE MOST BEAUTIFUL VIEW IN THE OZARKS."

I THINK I HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT.

I MOVED TO THE BRANSON AREA BECAUSE AT THE TIME, IT WAS SORT OF LIKE MAYBERRY MEETS NORTHERN EXPOSURE, AND I LIKE THE CONCEPT OF THE TOWN.

YOU CAN GO TROUT FISHING DOWNTOWN WHILE YOU DO YOUR LAUHNDRY, BUT SHORTLY AFTER I MOVED HERE, IT JUST EXPLODED.

ALL THE COUNTRY STARS STARTED COMING TO TOWN OPENING THEATERS AND THEN ANDY WILLIAMS AND JUST EVERYBODY ELSE TOO.

IT'S WAY BEYOND COUNTRY, AT THIS POINT.

WAYNE NEWTON'S HERE AND ANDY WILLIAMS AND BOBBY VINTON.

I THINK YOU HAVE TO BE DEAD TO HAVE YOUR OWN THEATER IN BRANSON.

(Mike) SO THE MICHAEL BREWER THEATER ISN'T-- (Michael) NO, I DON'T THINK THE BREWER AND SHIPLEY FOLK-ROCK MUSEUM IS ANYWHERE ON THE HORIZON.

♪ I HATE COUNTRY.

♪ ♪ I DESPISE THOSE BARNYARD SOUNDS.

♪ ♪ RICKY AND EARL AND RANDY AND MERLE ♪ ♪ MAKE ME THROW UP ON THE GROUND.

♪ ♪ IT MIGHT BE HEAVENLY TO YOUR EARS, ♪ ♪ BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE HELL TO ME.

♪ ♪ WELL, ALL I KNOW FOR SURE ♪ ♪ IS I HATE COUNTRY.

♪ ♪ LORETTA, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO DIE.

♪ ♪ AND RHEBA'S ACCENT HURTS SO BAD, ♪ ♪ A TEAR COMES TO MY EYE.

♪ ♪ BOXCAR WILLIE MAKES ME WANT TO KILL ♪ ♪ AND MAIM WITH MY BARE HANDS ♪ ♪ AND TAP-DANCE ON HIS HAT IN DEEP QUICKSAND.

♪ ♪ (Don) NOW, MR.

BREWER'S OPINIONS ARE NOT NECESSARILY SHARED BY THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS WHOSE VEHICLES CHOKE TRAFFIC TO A STANDSTILL.

BUT HE STANDS BY THEM, NONETHELESS.

WE GREATLY APPRECIATED THIS MUSICAL CONTRIBUTION MOST AS MUCH AS THE NONNATIVE BIRD SCARLETT OFFERED FOR OUR BUMPER, ALL PART OF THE PREPARATIONS FOR OUR IMPENDING DESCENT INTO WILDEST ARKANSAS.

OH, MY TEA JUST FELL RIGHT OFF.

WE HAD OUR OIL-- CALL CAPTAIN HAZELWOOD AND TELL HIM THIS CALLS FOR DRASTIC MEASURES.

RESALE VALUE OF THIS VAN IS GONNA BE NIL.

(Don) ROADS LIKE THESE ARE HARD ON UPHOLSTERY.

OH, IT'S BEEN SCOTCH-GUARDED.

AND IT TOOK ONE MUCH LIKE IT TO GET TO OUR FIRST STOP IN THE RAZORBACK STATE JUST OUTSIDE OF EUREKA SPRINGS.

QUIGLEY'S CASTLE IS ONE ROCK-SOLID TESTAMENT TO A WOMAN WHO KNEW HOW TO GET THINGS DONE.

(Deborah) HER NAME WAS ELISE FIOVANTI, AND SHE CAME TO THE OZARKS FROM CALIFORNIA.

WHEN SHE WAS 18 DURING THE DEPRESSION, SHE MARRIED MY GRANDFATHER.

AND HIS NAME WAS ALBERT QUIGLEY.

AND HE TOLD HER HE'D BUILD HER A HOUSE WITH THE WOOD OFF THE FARM, AND IN 1943, SHE CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA TO BRING NATURE INDOORS.

AND SHE HAD 32 WINDOW SPACES IN HER DESIGN.

MY GRANDFATHER CUT ALL THE LUMBER, BUT THE GLASS WAS RATIONED BECAUSE OF THE WAR, AND HE COULDN'T BUILD IT.

HE WOULDN'T GO ANY FURTHER WITH IT.

SO HE WENT TO WORK ONE DAY, AND SHE AND THE KIDS TORE THE OLD HOUSE DOWN, MOVED THEM INTO A CHICKEN HOUSE SO HE'D HAVE TO GO AHEAD AND START ON THIS ONE.

THIS IS A SANDWICH WITH TOO MUCH MAYONNAISE.

THERE'S THE HOT DOG BUN TO GO WITH IT.

AND THERE'S A GEARSHIFT KNOB OFF AN OLD FORD THERE.

SHE SEEMED TO ROCK THINGS THAT SHE APPRECIATED, AND THIS PAIR OF SHOES HAD BEEN SUCH A GOOD PAIR OF SHOES, SHE STEPPED OUT OF THEM ONE NIGHT AND ROCKED THEM.

I DON'T THINK SHE WAS ODD, BUT SHE WAS CERTAINLY ECCENTRIC.

(Mike) SHE COLLECTED EVERY ONE OF THESE BUTTERFLIES?

(Deborah) YES, THEY'RE ALL FROM THE YARD, AND MOST OF THEM ARE MOTHS, SO SHE STUCK THE BODIES IN THE FIBERGLASS, AND THEN THIS IS PLEXIGLASS SHE LAID OVER IT AND SEALED IT ALL IN.

HER FIRST OBSESSION WAS WITH COLLECTING.

SHE WAS ONE OF THESE PEOPLE THAT HAD TO BE OUTSIDE, AND SHE NEVER CARRIED A PURSE.

SHE CARRIED A BUCKET OVER HER ARM.

ANYTHING SHE FOUND WENT INTO THAT BUCKET.

AND THEN WHEN SHE GOT DONE, "I NEED TO MAKE A BIRDHOUSE FOR THOSE BIRDS OUT THERE," SO SHE'D MAKE A BIRDHOUSE OR, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING.

IT WAS HER DREAM COME TRUE.

THIS WAS HER UTOPIA HERE.

I'M PROUD OF THE FACT SHE WAS INDEPENDENT BACK THEN AND LIKED TO DO WHAT SHE WANTED TO DO AND DIDN'T WORRY ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE'S OPINION.

WISH WE COULD ALL BE THAT WAY AND HAVE THAT FREEDOM.

(Don) FOR A NOMINAL FEE, YOU CAN FEEL SOME OF THAT FREEDOM BY TRAMPIN' THROUGH THE HOUSE AND AROUND THE GROUNDS.

NOW, FOR THE CHEAPSKATES AMONG US, I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT JUST A FEW MILES AWAY ON HIGHWAY 187, THERE IS NO CHARGE WHATSOEVER TO ENJOY ONE VERY LARGE OZARK SHOE TREE, AND IT IS INTERACTIVE.

(Mike) I GUESS THE WIFE SERVED HER HUSBAND WITH DIVORCE PAPERS, AND HE RACED RIGHT HOME AND GRABBED EVERY SHOE HE COULD FIND AND THREW THEM UP IN THE TREE.

IN CASE SHE EVER WANTED TO COME HOME.

SHE WOULDN'T REMEMBER THE SOFT LIFE, OR SOMETHING; I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD LUCK.

THAT'S ALL I KNOW.

OH, STRIKE ONE.

WATCH OUT.

(Mike) OH , STRIKE TWO.

OOH, HE'S OUT.

HERE WE GO.

HOO.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

(Mike) TH AT MAKES US LO OK SO BAD.

(Don) WE DID OUR JOB.

LET'S GO.

IT IS MOMENTS LIKE THESE THAT MAKE ME PROUD TO SAY, "I'M IN TV."

NOW, AS ATTRACTIVE AS THOSE ATTRACTIONS MIGHT BE, EUREKA SPRINGS ITSELF IS STILL THE MAIN ATTRACTION IN THESE PARTS, A PRETTY LITTLE PLACE FROM WHICH MUCH COMMERCE STILL SPRINGS, IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT NO TWO STREETS INTERSECT AT RIGHT ANGLES.

RANDY SAYS RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT EVEN BELIEVES THIS CHURCH DESERVES A MENTION BECAUSE YOU ENTER THROUGH THE BELL TOWER.

(Randy) YOU ENTER THROUGH THE BELL TOWER.

(Don) UP ON THE HILL SITS THE GIANT OLD CRESCENT HOTEL, WITH ITS OWN LADY LIBERTY OUT FRONT.

YES, IT'S A BIT OUT OF OUR PRICE RANGE, BUT NO ONE SAID WE COULDN'T PLAY CATCH ON THE LAWN, NOR DO YOU HAVE TO BE A GUEST TO CLIMB AROUND ON THE ROOF, WHERE THE SCOPE OF LITTLE SWITZERLAND COMES MORE CLEARLY INTO FOCUS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

DON, GET A CAMERA.

COME ON; YOU KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS.

I PUT A WHOLE QUARTER IN THERE.

MAKE IT WORK.

YOU LOOK THROUGH HERE, EH?

(Mike) WHAT DO YOU SEE?

COME ON; TELL ME.

(Don) SWEET JESUS.

ARE THOSE SIDEBURNS?

LOOK AT THAT.

EVERYWHERE WE GO.

[bell dings] (Don) GOOD MORNING.

IT'S ME AGAIN, CLEANING THINGS, AS USUAL.

MUCH AS I FEARED, BY DRIVING ON TO RUSSELLVILLE, WE DIDN'T FIND A PLACE NEAR AS FANCY AS THE CRESCENT TO STAY.

HOWEVER, THE BUDGET INN DOES HAVE JOHN, THE 24-HOUR, WE-CARE, LET-ME-GET-THAT-FOR-YOU GUY.

KIND OF LIKE HAVING YOUR OWN BUTLER, BUT YOU KNOW HOW TV WEASELS ARE.

YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN WASHING THE CAR FOR US, WOULD YOU?

SOAP?

(Mike) SOAP.

THAT'D BE FIRST.

(Don) I GUESS IT'S ONLY FITTIN' THAT THE VAN GETS SPRUCED UP, SINCE WE SOON WILL BE TAKIN' THE WATERS OURSELVES DOWN IN HOT SPRINGS.

YOU TRY TO WASH THE STUFF DOWN THE CAR.

(Don) BUT BEFORE ANY BATHIN' WILL TAKE PLACE, I'M REMINDED WE HAVE A STOP TO MAKE IN PICKLE CITY, U.S.A., BETTER KNOWN AS ATKINS.

HIGH-LEVEL PICKLE PACKIN' TAKES PLACE HERE.

AND APPARENTLY, MORE THAN A FEW FRIED PICKLE SANDWICHES HAVE BEEN CONSUMED NEARBY AT THE APTLY NAMED LONER DRIVE-IN.

GETTIN' HUNGRY, DON?

GONNA HAVE A FRIED PICKLE SANDWICH.

(Don) IT'S 10:00 A.M., MAN; THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKIN'.

10:00, 2:00, AND 4:00.

AREN'T MANY CARS HERE.

THAT KIND OF WORRIES ME.

YOU'D THINK A SPOT THIS FAMOUS WOULD BE A LITTLE MORE CROWDED.

OH, NO.

WHAT?

CLOSED ON WEDNESDAY?

(Homer) TIN CAN CITY?

YUP.

DANG, YOU BOYS TRAVELED A LONG WAY, DIDN'T YOU?

YEAH, AND IT'S CLOSED.

(Don) THIS WOULD APPEAR TO BE ANOTHER RESEARCH ERROR, SO I SUGGESTED THAT THE ERRANT RESEARCHER HOP IN THE BACK AND DO SOME REAL WORK FOR A CHANGE OUT HERE ON A STRETCH OF ROAD THAT COULD EASILY SEPARATE A MAN FROM HIS PICKLES.

CERTAINLY IS LUSH AND SPRINGLIKE AROUND HERE, BUT HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY KNEW WE WERE COMING?

GOD KNOWS THIS PLACE WILL BE HARD TO RESIST.

(Mike) OKAY, I'LL GET THE GAS.

YOU DO THE LYING.

(Don) REST STOPS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN OUT HERE, SO I DON'T SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE TALKIN' MORE ABOUT THE WATERS RIGHT NOW, SHOULD I?

ANYWAY, A COUPLE MORE HOURS OF WINDING GREENERY LATER, AND THERE WE WERE IN HOT SPRINGS ON HISTORIC BATHHOUSE ROW, WHERE PEOPLE ONCE FLOCKED FROM AROUND THE WORLD TO SEEK RELIEF IN A GOOD SOAK.

THE BUCKSTAFF IS THE ONLY COMMERCIAL BATHHOUSE STILL OPEN, AND THEY TURNED OFF THE TAPS AT 3:00, SO IF YOU WERE HOPING FOR NAKED PICTURES OF THESE GUYS, THESE'LL HAVE TO DO.

THIS IS THE MEN'S BATH HALL.

BASICALLY, EVERYTHING YOU SEE HERE IS THE ORIGINAL EQUIPMENT THAT WAS INSTALLED IN 1912, WHEN WE FIRST OPENED.

SAME TUBS AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

ALL THE MARBLE AND EVERYTHING IS THE SAME AS IT WAS.

(Randy) AND THE WATER THAT COMES OUT OF IT IS THE SAME AS IT WAS IN 1912?

(Branch) WELL, IT'S NOT THE SAME WATER, BUT IT'S THE SAME SOURCE.

IT COMES OUT AT ABOUT 140 DEGREES APPROXIMATELY FROM 40-SOME-ODD SPRINGS.

(Randy) NOT A TORTURE DEVICE?

(Branch) NO, IT'S NOT A TORTURE DEVICE.

(Randy) NEEDLES.

LITTLE NEEDLES (Branch) EVERYBODY'D LOVE TO HAVE ONE OF THESE AT HOME.

WE'D SELL 'EM IF WE COULD MAKE 'EM.

WE'VE GOT WALK-IN STEAM CABINETS IN THE BACK.

THEY'RE ABOUT 140 DEGREES, SO YOU STAY IN THERE FOR JUST A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

BREAK OUT INTO A REAL GOOD SWEAT.

EACH OF OUR CUSTOMERS-- BASICALLY OUR REGULAR CUSTOMERS HAS THEIR OWN MITT.

MOST OF THEM JUST LEAVE THEM HERE BETWEEN VISITS.

THESE ARE AWFUL LARGE TUBS.

WE'VE YET TO FIND SOMEBODY THAT CAN'T FIT IN THEM.

WE CALL THEM THE 90-GALLON TUB.

THEY'RE THREE TIMES TO FOUR TIMES BIGGER THAN WHAT YOU GOT IN YOUR HOME.

SO IF ELVIS HAD BEEN EATING JELLY DOUGHNUTS FOR THE LAST 16, 17 YEARS, AND HE DECIDED TO SHOW UP HERE-- YEAH, WE COULD GET HIM IN.

WE COULD GET HIM IN.

(Don) I GUESS WE'LL ALL SLEEP BETTER KNOWING THAT.

THIS WOULD BE THE MOST RECOGNIZABLE PART OF HOT SPRINGS.

HOWEVER, JUST A FEW BLOCKS AWAY, WE STUMBLED UPON A CUTE LITTLE ODDBALL MALL, WITH WHAT USED TO BE KNOWN AS THE I.Q.

ZOO AT ONE END.

DOWN HERE, I THINK THE SIGN SAYS IT ALL.

(Randy) YOU HAVE THE WORLD'S LARGEST MINIATURE CITY.

WELL, AS FAR AS I KNOW OF, UNLESS SOMEBODY ELSE SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD-- BUT THERE AIN'T NOBODY YET CAME IN HERE-- BEEN HERE 40 YEARS-- THAT'S CLAIMED TO SEE ANYTHING TO EQUAL IT.

THIS IS OUR PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH FARM.

YOU SEE?

(Randy) AR E YOU PE NNSYLVANIA DUTCH?

NO.

THESE REPRESENT THE THOUSAND ISLANDS, LIKE UP THE SAINT LAWRENCE RIVER, NEW YORK.

YOU SEE MATT DILLON OVER THERE, TAKING THE BAD MAN TO JAIL?

SEE HIM STICKING A GUN IN THE GUY'S BACK?

I CAME UP DURING DEPRESSION YEARS, AND NOBODY HAD MONEY TO BUY ANYTHING DURING DEPRESSION YEARS.

SO I FIGURE I WANTED TO DO THIS, AND THE ONLY WAY I COULD DO IT WAS MAKE IT OUT OF SCRAPS OF THINGS LIKE YOU'D THROW AWAY AT YOUR HOME.

LIKE ALL THIS GREEN GRASS IN HERE, THAT'S ALL SAWDUST COLORED GREEN.

YOU SEE THOSE LITTLE PEOPLE, LITTLE FIGURES?

I CARVED THEM OUT OF THE ENDS OF OLD APPLE BOX CRATES, WHERE THE APPLE JUICE WOULD COME IN.

IT'S A VERY GOOD, SOFT WOOD TO CARVE OUT OF.

AND TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING, THESE FIGURES YOU SEE STROLLING THROUGH THE PARK-- LOOK AT THEM REAL CLOSE; THEY'RE TV STARS.

(Randy) I SAW MR. "T" GO BY.

HE CAUGHT MY EYE.

YEAH, THERE'S LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY.

THERE'S WILLIE, FOLKS.

HE'S ON THE ROAD AGAIN.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JE RRY GARCIA.

THAT'S THE WORLD'S LONGEST PICNIC.

THEY'VE BEEN EATING LUNCH 35 YEARS ALREADY.

YOU SEE, I MADE A LOT OF IT OUT OF CLOTHESLINE WIRE, HEAVY CLOTHESLINE WIRE, AND SINK-STOPPER CHAINS.

HOO, BOY, THAT'LL SHAKE YOU UP, WON'T IT?

YOU PUSH THAT BUTTON DOWN.

SEE HIM SHOOT BACK THERE?

I USED TO HAVE IT GO "BANG, BANG," BUT I COULDN'T STAND THE "BANG, BANG" ALL THE TIME.

(Randy) ARE YOU JUST A BIG KID, STILL PLAYING HERE?

I'M SORRY I HAVE TO ASK THAT, BUT-- (Frank) WELL, IT WAS ALL THE KIDS IN ME OR WHATEVER.

IT'S JUST A GREAT GOD-GIVEN TALENT MOSTLY, I THINK.

A LOT OF THE TIME, YOU LOOK AT A PIECE OF JUNK, YOU'D SAY, "WELL, I THINK I COULD MAKE THAT OUT OF THIS," YOU KNOW?

(Don) OKAY, SO TINY TOWN WAS...

TINY, I MEAN.

NOW TO FIND OUT HOW EDUCATED THOSE ANIMALS REALLY ARE.

[squawking] (Linda) HI.

ON, COURSER.

YES.

SOUND THE ALARM.

[bell dings and alarm sounds] AND RING IT LOUD.

WE CAN'T HEAR YOU.

WE ARE DAZZLED.

(Linda) SOME ARE SMARTER THAN OTHERS.

THE PIG TAKES ABOUT TWO WEEKS TO TRAIN, AND YOU PUT HIM IN THE SHOW.

RABBITS, A LITTLE BIT MORE.

ABOUT TEN MONTHS OF WORK TO DO THREE DIFFERENT TRICKS.

♪ EE-I-EE-I OH.

♪ THE GUN IS LOADED, AND--GET HER!

HA!

[laughter] (Linda) LET'S GO, FELLA, LET'S GO.

YOU CAN DO IT.

THAT WAY, SIR.

THAT WAY.

(Randy) TH E HELL WI TH BRANSON.

THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT.

(Linda) HAVE YOU GUYS EVER WATCHED PIGS WORKING OUT BEFORE?

NO?

IF YOU GO TO THE GYM, YOU'LL SEE LOTS OF THEM.

THAT'S WHERE THEY LIKE TO GO.

COME ON OVER HERE, TOM.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE A TRADITION.

PEOPLE BEEN COMING HERE FOR SO LONG.

AND THEY KNOW THIS IS THE SCENE.

THEY'RE GONNA SEE THESE LITTLE CHICKENS PLAY THE PIANO AND WHAT HAVE YOU.

THEY COME BACK EVERY YEAR, AND IT'S A GENERATION THING, ONE FAMILY AFTER THE NEXT.

NOW, GUYS.

HE DID THIS FOR THE JAPANESE FILM CREW.

[giggling] (Don) MAYBE HE JUST HAD A YEN TO DO IT.

MAYBE.

(Don) AND MAYBE BY NOW, HOT SPRINGS HAS JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH OF US, WHICH WILL BE OKAY, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE PRODUCERS, THERE'S JUST ONE MORE BIT OF ARKANSAS BUSINESS TO TRY AND SQUEEZE INTO THIS SHOW.

IN A STATE WITH SOME PRETTY STRANGE NAMES, ONE STANDS ABOVE THEM ALL.

NOW WE CAN SAY WE SAW THE SUN SET HERE.

(Mike) DO WE GO TO TOAD SUCK DAYS OR JUST SIT HERE AND ENJOY THE WONDERS OF NATURE?

I THINK WE'RE "DAMMED" IF WE DO AND "DAMMED" IF WE DON'T.

(Don) FROM THE SHADED SHORES OF TOAD SUCK, THIS IS DON THE CAMERAMAN SIGNING OFF.

♪ I HATE COUNTRY.

♪ ♪ I DESPISE THOSE BARNYARD SOUNDS.

♪ ♪ RICKY AND EARL AND RANDY AND MERLE ♪ ♪ MAKE ME THROW UP ON THE GROUND.

♪ ♪ IT MIGHT BE HEAVENLY TO YOUR EARS, ♪ ♪ BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE HELL TO ME.

♪ ♪ WELL, ALL I KNOW FOR SURE ♪ ♪ IS I HATE COUNTRY.

♪ ♪ AND WHISPERIN' BILL MAKES ME WANT TO KILL ♪ ♪ AND MAIM WITH MY BARE HANDS... ♪ ♪ Captioning provided by KCPT Television.

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