♪ ♪ When hearts are passing in the night, in the lonely night ♪ ♪ Then they must hold each other tight, oh, so very tight ♪ ♪ And take a chance that in the light, in tomorrow's light ♪ ♪ They'll stay together so much in love ♪ ♪ And in the silence of the mist, of the morning mist ♪ ♪ When lips are waiting to be kissed, longing to be kissed ♪ ♪ Where is the reason to resist and deny a kiss ♪ ♪ That holds a promise of happiness ♪ ♪ Though yesterday still surrounds you ♪ ♪ With a warm and precious memory ♪ ♪ Maybe for tomorrow ♪ ♪ We can build a new dream for you and me ♪ ♪ When hearts are passing in the night, in the lonely night ♪ ♪ Then they must hold each other tight, oh, so very tight ♪ ♪ And take a chance that in the light, in tomorrow's light ♪ ♪ They'll stay together so much in love ♪ ♪ ANNOUNCER: From Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.

Steve and Eydie: On Stage!

♪ Starring Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gormé.

♪ With special guest star Lucille Ball.

♪ Also starring Sergio Mendes and Brasil '77.

♪ Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Steve Lawrence.

(crowd applauds) ♪ (crowd applauds) ♪ (crowd applauds) ♪ Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong ♪ (audience applauds) ♪ Whether I find a place of this world or never belong ♪ ♪ I've got to be me, I've got to be me ♪ ♪ What else can I be but what I am ♪ ♪ I want to live, not merely survive ♪ ♪ And I won't give up this dream of life that keeps me alive ♪ ♪ I've got to be me, I've got to be me ♪ ♪ The dream that I see makes me what I am ♪ ♪ That far-away prize, a world of success ♪ ♪ Is waiting for me if I heed the call ♪ ♪ I won't settle down, or settle for less ♪ ♪ As long as there's half a chance I can have it all ♪ ♪ I'll go it alone, that's how it must be ♪ ♪ I can't be right for somebody else if I'm not right for me ♪ ♪ I've got to be free, I've gotta be free ♪ ♪ I'm daring to try, to do it or die ♪ ♪ I've gotta be me ♪ ♪ ♪ I can't be right for somebody else if I'm not right for me ♪ ♪ I've got to be free, I've got to be free ♪ ♪ Daring to try, to do it or die ♪ ♪ I've gotta be me ♪ (audience applauds) ♪ ♪ More than the greatest love ♪ ♪ The world has known ♪ (audience applauds) ♪ This is the love that I'll give to you alone ♪ ♪ More than the simple words that I try to say ♪ ♪ I only live to love you more each day ♪ ♪ More than you'll ever know ♪ ♪ My arms long to hold you so ♪ ♪ My life will be in your keeping ♪ ♪ Waking sleeping laughing weeping ♪ ♪ Longer than always is a long time ♪ ♪ But far beyond forever you're gonna be mine ♪ ♪ I know I've never lived before ♪ ♪ And my heart is very sure ♪ ♪ No one else could love you more ♪ ♪ ♪ More than you'll ever know ♪ ♪ My arms long to hold you so ♪ ♪ My life will be in your keeping ♪ ♪ Waking, sleeping ♪ ♪ Laughing, weeping ♪ ♪ Longer than always is a long long time ♪ ♪ But far beyond forever you're gonna be mine ♪ ♪ I know I've never lived before ♪ ♪ And my heart is very sure ♪ ♪ No one else could love you ♪ ♪ More and more and more ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ (audience applauds and cheers) ♪ ♪ Did he need a stronger hand ♪ (audience applauds) ♪ Did he need a lighter touch ♪ ♪ Was I soft or was I tough ♪ ♪ Did I give enough ♪ ♪ Did I give too much ♪ ♪ At the moment that he needed me ♪ ♪ Did I ever turn away ♪ ♪ Would I be there when he called ♪ ♪ If he walked into my life ♪ ♪ Today ♪ ♪ Were his days a little dull ♪ ♪ Were his nights a little wild ♪ ♪ Did I overstate my plan ♪ ♪ Did I stress the man and forget the child ♪ ♪ And there must have been a million things ♪ ♪ That my heart forgot to say ♪ ♪ Would I think of one or two ♪ ♪ If he walked into my life ♪ ♪ Today ♪ ♪ Should I blame the times I pampered him ♪ ♪ Or blame the times I bossed him ♪ ♪ What a shame ♪ ♪ I never really found the boy before I lost him ♪ ♪ Were the years a little ♪ ♪ Fast ♪ ♪ Was his world a little free ♪ ♪ Was there too much of a crowd ♪ ♪ All too lush and loud ♪ ♪ And not enough of me ♪ ♪ So I'll ask myself my whole life long ♪ ♪ What went wrong along the way ♪ ♪ Would I make the same mistakes ♪ ♪ If he walked into my life ♪ ♪ ♪ Today ♪ (audience applauds and cheers) (audience applauds and cheers) STEVE: Good evening and welcome to our show.

We got a terrific show for you tonight.

Our guest is Sergio Mendes and Brasil '77.

And we're very proud to have as our special guest star, the first lady of comedy, Miss Lucille Ball.

(audience applauds) You know, I must say that it's really very exciting doing a show from Las Vegas.

Not only is this the gambling mecca of the world, but this is one of the fastest growing cities in the United States.

The population in Las Vegas has tripled in the last two years.

That's because nobody's got enough money left to leave.

(laughing) But the people here at the hotel are so nice, so cordial and courteous.

Everybody from the bellhop to the receptionist.

But there's one hotel that's got a receptionist you just won't believe.

♪ (phone ringing) ♪ Here's a hello from your friendly receptionist ♪ ♪ Welcome to Happy Day Inn ♪ (phone ringing) ♪ Do you need a broad or a good psychoanalyst ♪ ♪ Maybe a tonic and gin ♪ (phone ringing) ♪ There's no Gideon Bible next to the bed ♪ ♪ Could you read the yellow pages ♪ ♪ Instead ♪ (phone ringing) ♪ Here is a kiss from your friendly receptionist ♪ ♪ Welcome to Happy Day Inn ♪ STEVE: Miss, I have been trying to call down for over an hour.

EYDIE: Why didn't you use the phone?

STEVE: I did.

They've been busy.

EYDIE: Name, please.

STEVE: Lawrence, Steve.

EYDIE: Lawrence Steve.

I'm sorry, we don't seem to have a Lawrence Steve.

STEVE: No, that's Steve Lawrence.

Hotels always take the last name first.

EYDIE: Oh, Steve Lawrence.

STEVE: Right.

EYDIE: Steve Lawrence?

STEVE: Mm-hmm.

EYDIE: The Steve Lawrence?

STEVE: (laughing) Yes.

EYDIE: (laughing) Ooh!

Would you sign here please?

STEVE: Oh, my autograph?

EYDIE: No, you forgot to register.

(audience laughs) STEVE: Oh.

Well, while I'm registering, I'd like to register a complaint.

EYDIE: Oh, what's the problem?

STEVE: Well, room service sent up a menu and I just can't figure it out.

I just don't understand it.

EYDIE: Why not?

STEVE: There are no prices on it.

EYDIE: Oh, that's our new phase 14 menu.

STEVE: Phase 14?

EYDIE: Phase 14.

STEVE: Okay, well, how much is a hamburger?

EYDIE: Hamburger is $7, $8 and $9.

STEVE: Is that small, medium and large?

EYDIE: No, that's yesterday, today and tomorrow.

(audience laughing) ♪ Is the mattress to your liking ♪ ♪ Is the blanket nice and warm ♪ ♪ You can find the soap and towels in the john ♪ ♪ So you're restless, Mr. Lawrence ♪ ♪ And you need a helpin' hand ♪ ♪ For a quarter turn the magic fingers on ♪ (Steve laughing nervously) ♪ All through the night there's a friendly receptionist ♪ ♪ Eager and ready to please ♪ ♪ If you are in need of some extra activity ♪ ♪ They are no charges or fees ♪ ♪ Don't be embarrassed and don't be afraid ♪ ♪ We're used to giving out travelers aid ♪ ♪ Here is a hug from your red hot receptionist ♪ ♪ Welcome to Happy Day Inn ♪ STEVE: Miss, you're- you're rubbing me the wrong way.

EYDIE: Oh.

(audience laughing) STEVE: While I'm registering a complaint, my room is very noisy and I just can't get any sleep.

EYDIE: Well, I don't understand it.

We gave you a very quiet room.

It's the presidential suite.

STEVE: I know it's the presidential suite because my cabinet is empty and the room is full of bugs.

(audience clapping) ♪ Do you want a cup of coffee ♪ ♪ Do you want a piece of Danish ♪ ♪ I'll be ready, I'll be waiting in the hall ♪ ♪ And regardless of the hour, if you need a wake up call ♪ ♪ Call, call ♪ ♪ Call ♪ ♪ There are people going in and out, you know what I mean ♪ ♪ But you're the greatest looking transient ♪ ♪ I've ever seen ♪ STEVE: Miss, could you please put your singing on hold?

I'm starving.

EYDIE: Call room service.

STEVE: I told you I did, the line is busy.

EYDIE: I will personally take your order.

What would you like?

STEVE: Well, I'd like to order breakfast and I'd like to have it delivered promptly at nine o'clock in the morning.

EYDIE: Yes sir.

STEVE: I'd like to have a half of a grapefruit, but I'd like to have two of the sections missing.

And I'd- I'd like you to put out a cigarette in one of the sections that's missing.

And I'd like to have an order of soft-boiled eggs, about two minutes, very loose, but the center I should like to have it hard like a golf ball.

(audience laughs) I'd like to have a side order of rye toast, burnt beyond recognition.

Would you add to that please, a side order of bacon, the ends to be rather crisp, and the center raw.

(audience laughs) Also, I'd like a pot of cold, bitter coffee and no cups.

EYDIE: I'm sorry sir.

We can't fill that order.

STEVE: Why not?

You did yesterday.

(audience laughs and applauds) EYDIE: Well, I'm very sorry you've been inconvenienced, sir.

I think that you're gonna be much happier in room 619.

STEVE: Oh oh, okay.

Terrific.

Can I- can I have the key?

EYDIE: Oh, you don't need the key.

Just knock.

I'll let you in.

(laughing) ♪ So here's a hello from your sexy receptionist ♪ ♪ One big hello from your friendly receptionist ♪ ♪ Welcome ♪ ♪ To Happy Day Inn ♪ ♪ (audience applauds) (audience applauds) ♪ (audience applauds) ♪ STEVE: It sounds great.

EYDIE: Oh yeah.

STEVE: It's Sergio Mendes in Brasil '77.

EYDIE: Didn't they used to be Brasil '66?

STEVE: Yeah, but the way inflation is today, everything's gone up.

EYDIE: Oh.

♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ You said you'd give to me ♪ ♪ As soon as you were free ♪ ♪ Will it ever be ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ You said was mine all mine ♪ ♪ Until the end of time ♪ ♪ Was it just a lie ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ You told me that you didn't love her ♪ ♪ And you were gonna say goodbye ♪ ♪ But if you really didn't mean it ♪ ♪ Why did you have to lie ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ You said was mine all mine ♪ ♪ Until the end of time ♪ ♪ Was it just a lie ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ If you have had a sudden change of heart ♪ ♪ I wish that you would tell me so ♪ ♪ Don't leave me hangin' on to promises ♪ ♪ You've got to let me know ♪ ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Will it ever be ♪ ♪ Ever be ♪ ♪ Love ♪ ♪ Love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ You said you'd give to me ♪ ♪ As soon as you were free ♪ ♪ Will it ever be ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Oh how I wish I never met you ♪ ♪ I guess it must have been my fate ♪ ♪ To fall in love with someone else's love ♪ ♪ All I can do is wait ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ ♪ Where is the love ♪ (audience applauds and cheers) EYDIE: Oh, Sergio.

That was fantastic.

SERGIO: Thank you.

EYDIE: Absolutely beautiful.

SERGIO: Thank you.

I think it would be more beautiful if you would do a song with us.

Let's do it?

EYDIE: Oh, I'd love it.

♪ ♪ Tanto tiempo disfrutamos de este amor ♪ ♪ Nuestras almas se acercaron tanto así ♪ ♪ Que yo guardo tu sabor ♪ ♪ Pero tú llevas también sabor a mí ♪ ♪ Sabor a mí ♪ ♪ Si negaras mi presencia en tu vivir ♪ ♪ Bastaría con abrazarte y conversar ♪ ♪ Tanta vida yo te di ♪ ♪ Que por fuerza llevarás sabor a mí ♪ ♪ No pretendo ser tu dueña ♪ ♪ No soy nada, yo no tengo vanidad ♪ ♪ De mi vida, doy lo bueno ♪ ♪ Soy tan pobre, qué otra cosa puedo dar ♪ ♪ Pasarán más de mil años, muchos más ♪ ♪ Yo no sé si tengo amor la eternidad ♪ ♪ Pero allá, tal como aquí ♪ ♪ En la boca llevarás sabor a mí ♪ ♪ Sabor a mí ♪ ♪ Sabor a mí ♪ ♪ Sabor a mí ♪ (audience applauds) (audience applauds) ♪ ♪ It's very clear ♪ ♪ Our love is here to stay ♪ ♪ Not for a year ♪ ♪ But ever and a day ♪ ♪ The radio and the telephone ♪ ♪ And the movies that we know ♪ ♪ May just be passing fancies ♪ ♪ And in time they'll go ♪ ♪ But, oh, my dear ♪ ♪ Our love is here to stay ♪ ♪ Together ♪ ♪ We're gonna go a long, long way ♪ ♪ In time the Rockies may crumble ♪ ♪ Gibraltar may tumble ♪ ♪ They're only made of clay ♪ ♪ But, our love is here ♪ ♪ To stay ♪ ♪ ♪ In time the Rockies may crumble ♪ ♪ Gibraltar may tumble ♪ ♪ They're only made of clay ♪ ♪ But, our love is here ♪ ♪ Our love is here ♪ ♪ It's very clear our love is here ♪ ♪ To stay ♪ (audience applauds) (audience applauds) EYDIE: Steve, that was just beautiful.

STEVE: Thank you dear.

They just don't write songs like that anymore.

EYDIE: You know why?

STEVE: Why?

EYDIE: Because the age of romance is gone.

STEVE: Yeah, you're right.

EYDIE: Right.

STEVE: You remember years ago when a guy used to court a girl, he used to sing "Our Love is Here to Stay?"

EYDIE: Yeah, today it's help me make it through the night.

(laughing) Boy, years ago, there were great lovers.

STEVE: Yeah.

EYDIE: Romeo and Juliet.

Anthony and Cleopatra.

What have we got today?

STEVE: How about Cheech and Chong?

(laughing) EYDIE: Things aren't the same anymore.

There's too much moral decay, permissiveness and nudity.

STEVE: Yeah, but it makes for a great party.

Boy, I'll tell you.

(laughing) EYDIE: And kids.

Kids today just don't have enough parental guidance.

STEVE: You're right, dear.

There's just no ethics around.

I don't know how people live the way they do.

I mean, carrying on, swapping partners.

There's, there's just no excuse for it.

EYDIE: You're right.

And it's getting worse.

STEVE: Yeah.

EYDIE: They say it lessens frustration.

STEVE: Is that what they say?

EYDIE: That's what they say.

STEVE: What do you say?

EYDIE: I'll kill you.

(laughing) STEVE: That's what I thought you'd say, yeah.

EYDIE: You know, it used to be where a man took himself a wife and that was that.

STEVE: Right.

EYDIE: Nowadays there are group marriages.

Even three people live together.

STEVE: Well, we did that.

EYDIE: When?

STEVE: Until your mother moved out.

(audience laughs) EYDIE: I'm being serious and you're doing mother jokes.

(laughing) (audience claps) I'm being serious and you're doing mother jokes.

STEVE: Your mother's no joke.

(audience laughs) I'm- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean that.

EYDIE: You know Steve, you've really changed.

STEVE: What do you mean?

EYDIE: Well, since we came to Vegas, it's like I'm not even with you.

You'd rather make a pass at a crap table than at me.

Last night, when we came home, you didn't even hug me or kiss me or nothing.

STEVE: Alright.

Tonight when we get home, I'll play some soft music, we'll drink some champagne and I'll make mad, passionate love to you.

EYDIE: Over my dead body.

(audience laughs) STEVE: Yeah, like I always do, yeah.

(audience laughs and applauds) EYDIE: If you're gonna be nasty, I don't wanna fight.

STEVE: When do you wanna fight, when I'm nice?

EYDIE: If I waited for you to be nice, we'd never fight.

It's time you were more respectful.

It's time you treated me like a wife.

It's time you were warmer, sweeter, kinder.

Because women are like wine.

STEVE: Mm.

EYDIE: The older they get, the better they get.

STEVE: After the show, I'll lock you in a cellar.

(audience laughs) EYDIE: That doesn't.

♪ ♪ When your husband doesn't touch your best dessert ♪ ♪ When you find the purple lipstick on his shirt ♪ ♪ And then my dear, it's clear the honeymoon is over ♪ ♪ And you better be on the alert ♪ ♪ ♪ When your wife decides that she should wear the pants ♪ ♪ When she puts you down each time she gets the chance ♪ ♪ Then my dear, it's clear the honeymoon is over ♪ ♪ And you'd better search for some romance ♪ ♪ Time you saw your ♪ ♪ Old trusty lawyer ♪ ♪ Ask him whether ♪ ♪ You should find another nest to feather ♪ ♪ When your husband suddenly is swell ♪ When your husband suddenly is swell ♪ ♪ When your wife is bored by jokes you tell ♪ ♪ When your wife is bored by jokes you tell ♪ ♪ Tell them dear, it's clear the honeymoon over ♪ ♪ And you may as well ♪ ♪ Play the scene out ♪ ♪ Make your exit ♪ ♪ Reach the climax ♪ ♪ Pull the curtain ♪ ♪ Back up, move out ♪ ♪ Tell him, darling ♪ ♪ ♪ That is all ♪ ♪ Da da da da da da da da da da da ♪ ♪ (audience applauds) (audience applauds) ♪ EYDIE: Well, you did it again.

STEVE: Thanks honey, you were great too.

EYDIE: No, I mean you did it again.

STEVE: What are you talking about, what did I do?

EYDIE: You know what you did.

STEVE: If I knew what I did, would I ask you what did I did?

Now tell me what did I did?

What did I do?

EYDIE: Not here, in the dressing room.

STEVE: You want me to do it in the dressing room?

(audience laughs) EYDIE: Come with me, Mr.

Cute.

(footsteps) STEVE: Okay.

Alright.

Alright.

What did I do?

EYDIE: You wiggled your eyebrow.

(audience laughs) STEVE: I wiggled my what?

EYDIE: Your eyebrow.

STEVE: Oh.

EYDIE: Right there in front of all those people while standing next to me.

You wiggled your eyebrow.

STEVE: You are crazy.

EYDIE: You are wrong.

Whenever you get upset, whenever you get nervous, whenever you get excited, your eyebrow wiggles.

STEVE: It does not.

EYDIE: It does so.

STEVE: It does not.

EYDIE: It does so!

STEVE: It does not!

EYDIE: Ah hah!

(audience laughs) STEVE: It may be wiggling now, but it didn't wiggle then.

EYDIE: Forget it.

Forget it.

Nobody noticed, it's okay.

STEVE: Now you're just trying to make me feel good.

EYDIE: Oh, if I was trying to make you feel good, I never would've mentioned your stupid eyebrow.

(audience laughs) STEVE: Honey, do you think anybody in the audience noticed?

EYDIE: No.

STEVE: Honest?

EYDIE: Honest.

STEVE: Kiss my eyebrow better.

(audience laughs) EYDIE: I'm really sorry I brought it up, Steve.

No kidding.

Nobody noticed.

LUCILLE: Don't worry, nobody noticed.

(audience clapping) STEVE: Everybody noticed.

LUCILLE: Believe me, nobody noticed, I know.

EYDIE: How do you know?

LUCILLE: Because Frank Sinatra leaned over to me and said, did you see how nobody noticed?

(audience laughs) STEVE: Lucy?

Do you think Dean Martin noticed?

LUCILLE: No, he was asleep.

(audience laughs) EYDIE: Lucy, please tell him it's all right.

LUCILLE: It's all right.

It's all right.

It's just something Eydie does when she gets excited.

EYDIE: Something I do?

STEVE: You mean, you mean it's, you mean it's not when I wiggled my eyebrow?

LUCILLE: That is the cutest thing in the whole act.

Sexy.

Very sexy.

STEVE: Oh yeah?

LUCILLE: Yeah.

STEVE: Would you like me to wiggle it for you?

LUCILLE: Love it.

Love it.

(audience laughs) STEVE: Tell me, what did, what did the dumb dumb do?

EYDIE: Who are you calling a dumb dumb, dumb dumb!

LUCILLE: Now will you two stop?

There's enough violence on television already.

STEVE: Lucy's right, it wasn't my eyebrow.

EYDIE: It'll be a nose if you don't get outta here.

STEVE: Lucy, I can't tell you how good it is to see you.

LUCILLE: Well try.

Try!

(laughing) STEVE: Well, I think I'll try by saying- EYDIE: Out!

STEVE: I'll tell you later.

(audience laughs) EYDIE: Okay.

What did I do?

LUCILLE: Eydie, baby.

I should have told you this a long time ago.

Whenever you get a little, you know, edgy, you scratch your hand.

EYDIE: I do not.

LUCILLE: Oh?

But don't worry darling.

Only a pro sitting in the first row would notice.

EYDIE: Who else was sitting in the first row?

LUCILLE: Well, let's see.

Paul Newman, Barbara Streisand, Joe Namath, and the man who made them all famous.

EYDIE: Who's that?

LUCILLE: John Dean.

(audience laughs and claps) EYDIE: Thank you, Lucy.

Only a true friend would have the courage to come backstage during an intermission and tell a fellow performer something that might upset her.

LUCILLE: You're welcome darling.

I only came back now because as much as I'd love to, I can't stay for the whole show.

EYDIE: It's great you came even for only half the show.

'Cause any day, Lucy, I'd rather hear half your opinion than all of it.

(audience laughs) LUCILLE: Would you like half my opinion about your costume?

EYDIE: Which half?

LUCILLE: The bottom.

The top speaks for itself.

(audience laughs) EYDIE: Well, I just love what you are wearing.

LUCILLE: Oh, thank you darling.

EYDIE: In fact, I've loved it every time I've seen it.

(audience laughs) LUCILLE: I have never worn it before.

EYDIE: Oh, if it wasn't you, it must have been 10 other people.

(audience laughs) I mean, it's gorgeous!

I guess that's why everybody's wearing it.

LUCILLE: It was probably copied.

EYDIE: Xeroxed.

(audience laughs) LUCILLE: Eydie, you might as well know it now.

I hated it when you sang "I Gotta Be Me."

EYDIE: That was Steve.

LUCILLE: Your voices are getting so much alike, it's hard to tell.

EYDIE: That's true.

They say the longer you live with someone, the more you get to sound like them.

LUCILLE: That's true.

EYDIE: Tell me, Lucy, how long have you been living with Howard Cosell?

(audience laughs) LUCILLE: Don't get me wrong, darling.

The first half of the show was terrific.

After all, what's a little thing like?

(scratching) (audience laughs) EYDIE: How come you've got to leave?

LUCILLE: Well, as you've probably heard, I'm starring in Mame.

♪ If he walked into my life today ♪ EYDIE: I know the song, Lucy.

LUCILLE: Yeah, well.

Anyway, I have an appointment for a singing lesson.

EYDIE: If I didn't think you needed it, I'd ask you to stay.

(audience laughs) LUCILLE: Anyway, I'm very happy I dropped by.

EYDIE: You're such a comfort.

LUCILLE: Well, after all, darling, what are pals for?

♪ ♪ We'll always be bosom buddies ♪ ♪ Friends, sisters, and pals ♪ ♪ We'll always be bosom buddies ♪ ♪ If life should reject you ♪ ♪ There's me to protect you ♪ ♪ If I say that your tongue is vicious ♪ ♪ If I call you uncouth ♪ ♪ It's simply that ♪ ♪ Who else but a bosom buddy ♪ ♪ Will sit down and tell you the truth ♪ LUCILLE: Though now and again I'm aware that my candid opinion may sting, that often my frank observation may scald, I've been meaning to tell you for years, you should wear your hair natural like mine.

(audience laughs) EYDIE: If I wore my hair natural like yours, I'd be bald.

(audience laughs) ♪ But darling ♪ ♪ We'll always be dear companions ♪ ♪ My crony ♪ ♪ My mate ♪ ♪ We'll always be harmonizing ♪ ♪ Orphan Annie and Sandy ♪ ♪ Like Amos and Andy ♪ ♪ If I say that your sense of style ♪ ♪ Is as far off as your youth ♪ ♪ It's simply that ♪ ♪ Who else but a bosom buddy ♪ ♪ Will tell you the whole stinkin' truth ♪ EYDIE: I feel it's my duty to tell you it's time to adjust to your age.

You try to be Peg O' My Heart when you're Lady Macbeth.

(audience laughs) Exactly how old are you, Lucy?

The truth.

(audience laughs) LUCILLE: How old do you think?

EYDIE: Well, I'd say somewhere between 40 and death.

(audience laughs) ♪ But sweetie ♪ ♪ We'll always be bosom buddies ♪ ♪ Friends, sisters and ♪ ♪ Pals ♪ (off-key singing) (audience laughs) EYDIE: Don't worry, Lucy.

Nobody noticed.

STEVE: Hey Lucy, you better hurry up.

You're gonna be late for your singing lesson.

LUCILLE: Everybody noticed.

♪ Just turn to your bosom buddy ♪ ♪ For aid and affection ♪ ♪ For help and direction ♪ ♪ For loyalty, love and for sooth ♪ ♪ Remember that ♪ ♪ Who else but a bosom buddy ♪ ♪ Will sit down and level ♪ ♪ Will give you the devil ♪ ♪ Will sit down and tell you the truth ♪ (audience applauds) (audience applauds) ♪ I love the looks of you ♪ ♪ The lure of you ♪ ♪ The sweet of you ♪ ♪ I love the pure of you ♪ ♪ The eyes ♪ ♪ The nose ♪ ♪ The mouth of you ♪ ♪ The east, the west ♪ ♪ The north and the south of you ♪ ♪ I'd like to gain complete control of you ♪ ♪ And handle even the heart and soul of you ♪ ♪ So love, at least, a small percent of me, do ♪ ♪ ♪ 'Cause I love all of you ♪ ♪ Do something to me ♪ ♪ And I'll do something to you ♪ ♪ Birds do it, bees do it ♪ ♪ Even educated fleas do it ♪ ♪ Let's do it ♪ ♪ Let's fall in love ♪ ♪ Some Argentines without means do it ♪ ♪ People say in Boston even beans do it ♪ ♪ Let's do it ♪ ♪ Let's fall in love ♪ ♪ Let's fall in love ♪ ♪ Why shouldn't we fall in love ♪ ♪ You're the top ♪ ♪ You're the Mona Lisa ♪ ♪ You're the top ♪ ♪ You're the Tower of Pisa ♪ ♪ I'm a worthless check ♪ ♪ A total wreck, a flop ♪ ♪ But if, baby, I'm the bottom ♪ ♪ You're the top ♪ ♪ I've got eyes for you to give you dirty looks ♪ ♪ I got words that do not come from children's books ♪ ♪ There's a trick with a knife I'm learning to do ♪ ♪ And everything I've got ♪ ♪ Everything I've got ♪ ♪ Everything I've got belongs to ♪ ♪ The gentleman ♪ STEVE: Thank you.

♪ Is a dope ♪ ♪ He isn't very smart ♪ ♪ It was just, just, just one of those things ♪ ♪ It was just one of those crazy things ♪ ♪ It was great fun ♪ ♪ But it was just, just one of those things ♪ ♪ I get too hungry for dinner at eight ♪ ♪ I love the theater but I never come late ♪ ♪ I never bother with people I hate ♪ ♪ That is why the lady is a champ ♪ ♪ I like the free, fresh, wind in my hair ♪ ♪ Life without care ♪ ♪ We're broke ♪ ♪ But that's oke ♪ ♪ Hate California, it's smoggy and damp ♪ ♪ That's why the lady ♪ ♪ That's why the lady ♪ ♪ That's why the lady is a champ ♪ ♪ Its the wrong time ♪ ♪ And its the wrong place ♪ ♪ Though your face is charming ♪ ♪ It's the wrong face ♪ ♪ It's not his face ♪ ♪ Oh but ooh, such a face ♪ ♪ That if some night you're free ♪ ♪ Dear it's all right ♪ ♪ It's all right ♪ ♪ It's all right with me ♪ ♪ Is it an earthquake ♪ ♪ Or simply a shock ♪ ♪ Is it the good turtle soup ♪ ♪ Or merely the mock ♪ ♪ Is it a cocktail ♪ ♪ This feeling of joy ♪ ♪ Or is what I feel the real McCoy ♪ ♪ Is it for all time or simply a lark ♪ ♪ Is it Granada I see or only Asbury Park ♪ ♪ Is it a fancy not worth dreaming of ♪ ♪ Or is it at long last ♪ ♪ At long last love ♪ ♪ This heart of mine ♪ ♪ The more I see you ♪ ♪ Was doing very well ♪ ♪ The more I want you ♪ ♪ The world was fine ♪ ♪ Somehow this feeling ♪ ♪ As far as I could tell ♪ ♪ Just grows and grows ♪ ♪ And then quite suddenly ♪ ♪ With every sigh ♪ ♪ I saw you ♪ ♪ I become more mad about you ♪ ♪ And I dreamed of gay amore ♪ ♪ More lost without you ♪ ♪ Dawn I woke up singing ♪ ♪ And so it goes ♪ ♪ Sentimental overtures ♪ ♪ This heart of mine ♪ ♪ Can you imagine ♪ ♪ Is gaily dancing now ♪ ♪ How much I love you ♪ ♪ I taste the wine ♪ ♪ The more I see you ♪ ♪ Of real romancing now ♪ ♪ As years go by ♪ ♪ I know the only one for me ♪ ♪ Can only be you ♪ ♪ My arms won't free you ♪ ♪ My heart won't try ♪ ♪ ♪ I get the feeling that ♪ ♪ Beneath the little halo on your noble head ♪ ♪ There lies a thought or two ♪ ♪ The devil might be interested to know ♪ ♪ The possibilities are more than I can possibly enumerate ♪ ♪ That's why you fascinate me so ♪ ♪ So sermonize, come on and preach to me ♪ ♪ Make your sanctimonious little speech to me ♪ ♪ But oh my darling please forgive ♪ ♪ My inability to concentrate ♪ ♪ I think I'm dealing with a powder keg ♪ ♪ That's just about to blow ♪ ♪ Will the end result deflate me ♪ ♪ Or will you annihilate me ♪ ♪ You irritate me ♪ ♪ You aggravate me ♪ ♪ You complicate me ♪ ♪ You captivate me ♪ ♪ You violate me ♪ ♪ You dislocate me ♪ ♪ And everything I've got belongs to you ♪ ♪ ♪ Just in time ♪ ♪ I found you just in time ♪ ♪ Before you came ♪ ♪ My time was running low ♪ ♪ Oh I was lost ♪ ♪ The losing dice were tossed ♪ ♪ My bridges all were crossed ♪ ♪ Nowhere to go ♪ ♪ But now you're here ♪ ♪ And now I know just where I'm going ♪ ♪ And no more doubt or fear ♪ ♪ I found my way ♪ ♪ Oh love came just in time ♪ ♪ You found me just in time ♪ ♪ You changed my lonely life that lovely day ♪ ♪ Got lucky just in time ♪ ♪ You found me just in time ♪ ♪ Then you changed my lonely life that lovely day ♪ ♪ My kind of town, Las Vegas is ♪ ♪ My kind of town ♪ (audience clapping) ♪ Las Vegas is ♪ ♪ My kind of razzmatazz ♪ ♪ And it has all that jazz ♪ ♪ And each time I leave, Las Vegas is ♪ ♪ Tuggin' my sleeve, Las Vegas is ♪ ♪ One town that won't let you down ♪ ♪ It's my kind ♪ ♪ My kind of town ♪ (audience applauds) ♪ ♪ Why did someone nice like you, Eydie ♪ ♪ Ever fall in love with me ♪ ♪ When I think of all the men you could have loved ♪ ♪ The men you should have loved ♪ ♪ Who would have loved you ♪ ♪ Maybe Sigmund Freud could tell you why ♪ ♪ I'll love you 'til I die ♪ ♪ The way I do ♪ ♪ But who wants Freud's advice ♪ ♪ I'm sure it works with mice ♪ ♪ But not with someone nice ♪ ♪ Like you ♪ ♪ And if we could live twice ♪ ♪ We'd make life paradise ♪ ♪ For someone really nice ♪ ♪ Like you ♪ EYDIE: We'd like to thank Brasil '77, Sergio Mendes.

STEVE: And a special thanks to Miss Lucille Ball.

EYDIE: And we'd really like to thank you.

STEVE: Good night.

EYDIE: Good night.

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