- Major funding for the series "I am more than" was provided by Caring for Denver Foundation.

Additional support for this program was provided by the Colorado Health Foundation and Demi Fund.

- My name is Stuart Sanks.

I am a teacher.

And I am a drag queen, but I am so much more.

I am a kind and loving person.

The life of the party, your best friend and time of need.

I am a force to be reckoned with and I am a voice that deserves to be heard.

I am an advocate for queer kids.

And I will stand up and I will not be ignored.

- All right, Stuart.

- How are you?

- I'm good.

How are you?

- Good.

My parents have both passed, but I think they would still be very proud of the person that I have become.

I kind of went out, struck out of my own and kind of did my thing and I like to say, I grew up in Kansas.

So I came west to seek my fortune and Denver's as far as I got.

I call it I-70 therapy, get on I-70 and drive until you feel better about yourself.

And then just stop there and live for a while, right?

And then I decided, OK, that's pretty good.

And it's the community.

It's the people, right?

That's what keeps me here.

- And you're just going to paint the whole thing.

- My name is Stuart Sanks and I am oh gosh, as a human, I am a fun loving person.

I teach at a little art school, and I teach theater.

So a theater teacher.

Have a drama.

Drama.

And just any of it anywhere, right?

I want-- I'm not afraid to stand out, to be myself.

There's only one of you.

I talked to my students about that, I was like, you're unique.

And you know what that word means?

And they're like, yeah, it means special or different.

I'm like, means actually means one-of-a-kind in the history of the world.

There will never be another person who's exactly like you.

There never has been, and there never will be again.

That's pretty amazing thing, when you think about it.

Right?

Coming home from school, I'd take off my badge and take off my lanyard and I'll sit in my chair.

I've got a chair in the kind of it's A TV room.

And I'll find my phone and do something there for a little bit just kind of decompress.

Have some dinner.

And I love to read.

I've stacks of books around my bedside table, so I will dive into one of those or I will, fall asleep on the couch watching a movie.

When I opened the page of a book, it can take me anywhere.

It can take me to a real place.

It can take me to a time in the past or it can introduce me to to people that I wouldn't know otherwise, and then that expands my humanity.

The whole purpose of art in all of its forms is to leave a different person than when you walked in.

And that's a movie that's an exhibit of photographs that, painting or sculpture or ballet.

In the same way, go to the theater because there you actually you get to see lived experiences from other people put into a script produced on the stage, for the purpose of connecting to someone who's like you, understanding someone who is different than you.

I got out of school.

I wanted to be an actor, or maybe I was going to be a missionary.

Like, I don't know.

So I went and started pursuing, and I went to an audition and I didn't get cast, but I was like, I think I want to keep doing that, even though I didn't get the job.

These are the people that I want to be with.

This is the thing I want to do.

And I pursued that for a while and then I got to a point where it's like alright, I've gotten to a place where-- I've got to make the leap to get to one of these professional theater companies.

I don't have the training to do that.

I don't have the experience to do that.

I'm not getting those jobs out of those auditions.

So let's find something else that we're good at or passionate about and moving that direction.

So then I took this leap into education to become a teacher and have pursued that.

And this is my 18th year as a teacher.

And along the way, drag kind of found me in that same way.

It wasn't something that I set out to do.

In my To Do List when I'm six, I mean if that that was true.

I'd be a marine biologist or something like that.

We're done.

We're done.

So I have a drag character.

Her name is Shirley Delta Blow and I came to drag through the way of the theater.

Just it was through the Colorado Gay Volleyball Association.

And they were having a fundraiser, and they needed some participants for this campy drag paggent, and it's like I'm a serious actor.

Like I'm gonna take this seriously.

So I was like, OK, she needs to be like this strong Southern woman.

And so I was thinking of her name Delta like the Mississippi Delta or Delta Burke.

It almost sounds like a deal.

Like a Delta hand or Delta card or Delta an ace.

Those were the things that were going through my mind and then Delta Blow was like oh, she's had a hard life.

She's been delta blow right?

And then because she's a good Southern woman, surely Delta, but she's surely been delta blow.

That's where the name comes from.

So Shirley Delta Blow.

And then I always thought surely was your next door neighbors, mother from the 50s.

Those very classic silhouette.

That somebody who could, go to a cocktail party or go to the, the PTO meeting or, hang out at a story time with kids, all those things are very intentional for me.

As a teacher, my job is to help students kind of make meaning and discover knowledge and expand their abilities and their skills.

And then as a performer, I find myself bringing a lot of what I do as a teacher to the shows that I do.

It's not just I'm just going to sing this song or perform this, I'm going to do this thing.

I'm going to teach a little history at the same time, so we do that.

As teachers, we have to make whatever it is entertaining, palatable fun for our students.

And so I find myself doing kind of, yeah, both of those things at the same, they help each other out, yeah Recently I did an event at Douglas County Pride and Castle Rock Pride is the the group that put that on and writers were getting ready to start.

About, I don't know, 30 or 40 men showed up.

In white T-shirts that said, "I stand to protect children.

Jesus loves you and so do I."

But you don't really love me because you're actually preventing me from doing the thing that I love to do.

And so you don't actually.

And you're here, and your presence is making these children who are here to see the show upset.

They're crying.

They're scared of you.

So I don't understand, how this is showing this love that your T-shirt says.

It's a little bit more than just a logo on a shirt.

This is the same old thing that people have been trying to put on queer people since the beginning of time, right?

The other we're going push you out because you are dangerous.

You are bad for ou kids.

Well, you don't have any evidence of that.

They've tried this so many times.

It's the same old thing.

And I think the teacher and me also comes out because I want to say to queer kids, look, they've tried this before and it didn't work.

It didn't work in the 30s.

It didn't work in the 60s and work in the 70s.

It didn't work When they tried to do this.

It didn't work for amendment two in Colorado.

It didn't work for all these other things.

And it's not going to work again.

It's not going to work this time.

It's not going to work because we have old queers like me have been around.

We've seen it all.

We know how it's going to go.

And we know what we need to do and getting out, living our most authentic selves, being vocal when we need to be vocal, shutting down the lies when we hear the lies, those are important things and voting.

Vote, vote, vote.

Those are things we need to do.

And after about 20 minutes, I was tired of just kind of waiting around for something to happen.

So I just started walking to the stage, was gonna go talk to the DJ, like, what do you want to do?

Because this is just we're kind of a stalemate.

They're not leaving.

They're being told to leave.

They're being told, and they're not going anywhere.

So as I was walking towards the stage, I'm taller than the partition that's blocking the backstage and so people start seeing my wig, coming down-- And so just they start cheering.

So I was like, OK, that's my cue.

I just walk onto stage and people go nuts and I was like just play the music.

Play the music.

So we did our song, which was don't rain on my parade by Barbra Streisand.

That song she sing is such a powerful anthem about somebody becoming who they've always wanted to be.

You're going to tell me that I can't do this?

I can't do this.

I can't.

I won't.

And I'm going to tell you, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to try.

I'm going to try my best.

Am I going to be successful?

We'll see.

But to not try is in itself the only failure, and at the end of the number almost on cue they all leave.

And I was like, look, that is the power of drag that is the power of Barbra Streisand, who got all these, crazy protesters to leave the venue and let the kids in families enjoy the show.

I want to push back and be that positive voice.

This is an example of a queer person who is has a successful job, has a successful career as an entertainer, has a wonderful life.

Because if there's just one side, which is, queer people are bad and wrong and, God hates you, that has a really profound effect on how queer people view themselves and what they might do to themselves.

And that representation matters.

I had a student who graduated from high school last year and came to find me and says because I saw you in my school, I knew that who I could be.

I knew what I could do because I saw you doing it.

It was life changing, so grounding to know that yeah, it is important.

And I do make a difference and being myself and wearing my colorful shirts and wearing my rainbow lanyard and just being myself.

Those mean a lot.

Let's make a big difference in the life of kids.

And not just queer kids, right?

All kids.

It's that balance.

I can see somebody who's like me.

And I can say, hey, I can see what's possible.

And I can also see from somebody who's different from me that not everybody right likes the same things that I like or does the same things that I like.

And that helps to expand my view as well.

And so it does both things.

Working as an educator and being in the schools, the pandemic has done a number on our kids.

How we grow, how we are challenged, how we heal is through our relationships and if we have a difficult time building those relationships because when we were kindergarten first, second grade we're learning these socialization skills and we're just on computers looking at images of people instead of being with someone face to face in person, I think has a huge impact on how we relate to each other now.

Behind the device, we can kind of get away with, saying and doing what we whatever we want without having a looking at somebody in the face and realize, wow, I've just made them cry.

They might not be my friend anymore.

There's a visceral thing that happens for us, when we see the impact of our actions.

And we do this thing in our class where we talk about we sign a contract and we say I'm going to be in control of my body.

I'm going to be in control of my voice.

I'm going to use my imagination.

I'm going to focus and concentrate and I'm going to cooperate until we do this little kind of physical manifestation of that means when we say I'm in control of my voice, that also means not just my volume.

I'm talking loud enough and clear enough so people can hear me or I'm silent when it's my turn to listen so that the person can be heard, but also the what words I use.

I'm in control of my voice.

That means I'm going to use kind words to talk to my classmates, and if something is right, I'm comfortable, I can ask for that in a way that's kind as opposed to creating a bigger conflict when I'm just saying, can you give me a little space right now?

I'm trying to dance right here.

So life before right that coming out, life before that, becoming myself, being OK with myself, living myself authentically, whatever that is.

That was almost two halves.

And but even putting them together, so it wasn't a whole because one of them just didn't-- one was almost a facade.

I'm not gonna let you see all the way to who I am because you have said that you're not going like it.

There's a lot of people, like when you say hey, this is who I am.

You're always surprised cause some people are going to love you when you think that they aren't.

And some people don't love you when you think that they will.

And so there's always a surprise.

And that's that's why kind of telling being your authentic self is always in some ways a risk, because at some point you know somebody's going to say no.

And you put yourself out there.

You, you say this is who I am.

It's almost like a valuable gem.

Like you're holding out your heart to them and saying, this is me.

This is who I am.

And they say not interested.

Wow.

OK. Let me put that back.

I think there was a lot of pieces of that for me wanting to be something and not really knowing what that could look like.

So I think maybe that informs why I do the things that I do, why I am such a kind of a vocal presence.

So kids know that, hey, there is somebody who does this thing, who looks like you, or sounds like you, talks like you, or loves like you.

I've been with my partner now for 16 years and during the beginning stages both my parents were alive and we would come home for, holiday gatherings.

And my dad would be like, "you're sleeping in separate beds, under my roof, you're sleeping in separate beds."

And I was just like that's fine.

We'll just get a hotel.

"Well, no, we want you to stay with us, but you have to sleep in separate beds."

Well, we're not OK with that, so we'll just get a hotel.

So I think them seeing that I wasn't ashamed of who I was anymore.

I wasn't.

But I'm also not going.

It's like we're not going to that.

That is silly.

We're adults.

After my father died, my mother became very tender to me, and so I spent lots and lots of time talking with her on the phone when I couldn't be with her.

And she totally came around and there wasn't one moment that where it happened.

I kind of that I can remember right there are lots of moments where she surprised me with her positive support.

Sounds like it's becoming a waterfall and this needs to be a river, right?

You're the texture support, texture support.

- Texture support.

- Texture support.

- Texture support.

- You've heard that here first.

- This these two colors.

- At some point.

- Yeah.

- Can we just turn the pallet over?

Is that has ever happened?

Slowly overtime, she realized, I love my kid for exactly who he is, and he's remarkable at the things that he does and the person who he is.

The support of parents is huge in the life of our queer kids and any kid, the relationship that you have is fundamentally core to not only their well-being, their mental health, their physical well-being, the choices that they make.

There's so many of our Kids who get, pushed out of their homes for whatever reasons, and they fall into very risky behaviors.

As a way of then protecting themselves or healing themselves or numbing themselves.

So white at the base of the waterfall with the tumbling like right here.

I'm just doing it.

- Oh yes.

I love it.

OK, I'm gonna walk away.

- Now, do we want them to be kind?

Do we want them to be honest?

Do we want them to be compassionate?

You know, sure.

And how do we encourage those things in our young people?

We do the same, love you're going to love.

Just love them well.

And we model that by saying I'm going to love you well.

I'm going to treat you kindly and with compassion.

So that you grow up and you will do the same.

Therapy has been valuable support because you have somebody whose job is to listen and help you try to reframe maybe some of your feelings or your thoughts, or your questions.

And so I'm a huge proponent, I'm a huge proponent of therapy.

It's building that relationship with a trusted person to help you kind of sort through all the things.

But we look at the life that I have currently, it's wonderful.

I get to do the things I love to do.

We own a home.

We have amazing relationships with not only our friends, but our families.

Like all the fears that were fed to me.

Like if you go down this road.

This is what's going to happen and it's like I went down that road and all my dreams.

came true, so thank you.

I think allyship is living your authentic self, even when it's different from my authentic self.

Because when anybody is living their authentic self, whether they see it or not, they are giving other people permission to do the same.

Look at me.

I'm out here doing this.

I'm having a great time.

I'm loving my life.

Look at me.

And now I want to look at you.

I want to see your authentic self.

My worldview comes from that idea that diversity makes us stronger.

If we're all exactly the same, there's no color in the world if everything's black and white or gray, there is no color in the world if everybody acts in the same way or says the same thing or we behaves in the same way, then we're not living up to our potential.

as people.

I think I want people to know that I'm doing my best, right?

I'm trying to be kind.

I think there's a lot of people who think I have an agenda and not to destroy something.

And the reality is I'm just trying to experience joy for myself and let-- and hopefully show other people that there is more joy in the world.

Pretty good.

It's amazing to me that all the orange and-- We don't have that much orange.

- Are you OK with that it's less orangy?

- Oh yeah, I think it's.

absolutely beautiful.

- OK, OK. - I think my younger self would be thrilled.

This kind of magical entity that lives in the world.

Who's able to kind of balance this professional life with this entertainment career and I'm a little queer boy from Kansas.

Some of these things aren't supposed to happen to me and yet here we are, and why?

Because I went looking for them, this is what I want.

And so I think my younger self would just be in awe of the person that I've become.

- How is it going?

Feeling good?

- Yeah, I think so.

- OK, great.

My palette, it's beautiful, look at that.. That's amazing.

- Oh yeah.

So today's Stewart is a remarkable person.

He has done so many wonderful things in his life, even though people have told him that he couldn't, or that he shouldn't, or even that he wouldn't do them.

And yet, here he is doing all the things he's ever wanted to do.

Because he wanted to do them.

And so he did them.

I feel good overall, right?

There was some moments in the middle where I lost control of things that didn't turn out the way I wanted.

That's OK we went from a path to a waterfall, kind of like in life.

You see something is not going the way you want us to do you.

You have a choice either kind of struggle and fight to try to get that thing back, or just to say hey, let's just go with this new thing, No big deal because I think the struggle comes in with our expectation, not in our experience.

We expect it to be one way and we fight, we struggle and we struggle and it's not working.

Instead of just saying hey, let's just do this other thing.

Let's just go in this other direction..

It's OK. That's what I did.

I've always had my idea of heaven is me next to water moving, turning, turning, I tried to be a yes, kind of a standout kind of person.

And so I thought bright colours and one really one strong way of making bright colours stand out is putting them next to darker colors, packed a lot of colors in there, a lot of layers of paint.

So it's always amazing to me that something that's basically two dimensional.

This paint on canvas, very thin, but has so much for me texture and movement into it's -- I'm always amazed when I when I watch somebody or see somebody paint where they take something that is flat and becomes like almost living, I'm fascinated by that.

And so I'm just really thrilled with all the help and support from, like painting mentor, to help me get there.

It was a lot of fun, for me it was this idea that I can-- I can, I have some ideas of what I want to do.

Let's just jump in and and play.

Let's give it a try.

I mean, I'm a theater teacher.

I'm an actor as well.

And that's something that we do.

every day.

We just play, we explore.

We have fun and figure out kind of where it's going to go.

And that was a huge part for me because halfway through my painting I was like, I have lost control of the path of this painting, like the literal, the path.

It was a path that going to the mountains and yeah, it doesn't look like that at all.

That's not what this is anymore.

And then I jump in and just say I'm going to totally change what I'm doing because I see where the painting is kind of leading me to go or what I see it as being now.

So I think there's some pieces of that stay with me.

That hey, I have this idea of what I want and I start doing it and instead of holding tightly to this is the idea that I want, so I've got to make it happen.

No matter-- What I need to do to make that thing happen.

Kind of let that go and say OK.

This is the direction I was going and now I think it's going to be this and that's OK.

Right?

There's a lot of things in our life we say like, you have to know what you want to do when you grow up and you have to pursue that thing.

And for some people, they're very fortunate.

They say, when they're six years old, I want to be an Olympic gymnast.

And they pursue that for as long as they need to until they, meet that dream.

But the story that we do often see is then what happens, Now I have to pursue something else.

But for all of us, it's a journey.

We explore those things as we go.