(upbeat music) - Hi everyone.

Steve Adubato.

More importantly, we welcome for the first time JP Pedoto who is Pride+.

I'll get that out, Pride+ program coordinator and clinician for Family Connections New Jersey.

JP, welcome.

- Thank you so much for having me, Steve.

- You got it.

We're gonna put up the website.

Tell everyone what Family Connections New Jersey is all about and why it's such an important organization for so many.

- Yeah, of course.

So Family Connections is a nonprofit that serves all throughout New Jersey, specifically Essex County.

And my program specifically, one of the many programs we have is Pride+.

And Pride+ I helped found is a program specific for LGBTQIA+ teens and their families that we serve all throughout Essex County.

- JP, tell folks about your, journey is such a weird word, your journey, please.

- Yeah, of course.

So I went on to get my Master's of Social Work.

During my first year of field placement it was really important for me to work with the LGBTQIA+ community because, as a member of the community myself, I knew that there were such a lack of services out there.

So it was really important for me to get as much experience with the community and helping them as I wish I had that help when I was their age.

So I first started out interning at Hetrick-Martin Institute in Newark, New Jersey and we help serve teens from 13 to 21.

And I really gained a lot of powerful experience there being able to not only share my journey and, you know, being able to help youth at a place where, you know, they didn't have the resources or support to be themselves.

And unfortunately during COVID, I had found out after my field placement that they had closed because of lack of funding.

So at the time I was interning at Family Connections, which has so many amazing programs but didn't have a program for queer people specifically.

So I brought this up to them, you know, and for me it was so important, you know, I thought the program or the company was so great but I wanted to make sure that if I was working there that there was a specific program for queer people.

- JP, sorry for jumping in here, but JP help us understand this.

As a transgender man, was it at 18 you decided to transition?

- So, growing up I always knew I was different.

I didn't exactly know what it was.

Growing up I didn't have the vocabulary or education to really put a name to the feelings that I was having.

You know, I was taught about gay people in school a little bit.

And so, you know, I came to terms with my sexual orientation and, you know, realized that I liked girls.

So when I identified as female, I came out as a lesbian and that label didn't really feel right to me and I couldn't figure out why.

And it wasn't until, you know, I started to piece together that I didn't want to be someone's girlfriend or didn't wanna be someone's mother, right?

With those labels, I was like, "Well, maybe something else is wrong."

And I, you know, did some research as a lot of queer youth have to do, you know, because it's not really, you know, taught or talked about.

I came to terms with that I was a man and I never felt comfortable because I never identified as female.

So when I was a little before 20, I decided to start, you know, I came out, I started medically transitioning, so I started hormone replacement therapy.

I've been on testosterone now for a little over five years and I've gone through like the medical, social and legal aspects of transitioning.

- Help us understand this 'cause your perspective on this is so valuable, JP.

The debate going on right now, the discussion debate, people are pretty polarized on this.

And a lot of us are trying to figure out what makes sense, not just for our own children but for everyone's child who at a certain age, whatever that is for them, they do question whether in fact, if they're born as a boy or a girl, if that's right for them.

Here's a question that maybe you're in a best position to answer.

What's the age as it relates to public school education, teachers, guidance counselors, administrators and others.

What is the age that you believe a child can say to a school administrator or someone in the school, "This is what I'm feeling, I believe I should be of the opposite sex and the parents," quote, "shouldn't know."

I know that's a loaded question, but that is.

I know I probably framed it awkwardly, but should, A, should the parents know and B, at what age know or not know?

- Yeah, no, it's a great question.

It's definitely a big debate currently today.

So, and it's a complicated question with a complicated answer.

You know, it's something where, you know, children and there's a lot of misinformation about this going on right now, is the conversations that we have with high schoolers or adults is not the same conversation we're having with young children, right?

So we can come into an elementary school and have conversations about inclusion and, you know, diversity and things like that, and support children in figuring out who they are and what that looks like.

And, you know, but often people are getting confused with, you know, sex education in these conversations.

Obviously as long- - JP I'm sorry for.

- as it's age-appropriate.

- I'm sorry for interrupting.

I'm dealing with a time issue, but, and it sounds rude, I know, but here's the question.

An eight-year-old in a public school in my hometown, in Montclair, wherever.

An eight-year-old tells someone at the school, a boy believes that he should be a girl.

Do you believe that by law, by policy, parents should be informed or not?

- They shouldn't be, right?

So New Jersey says that they should not be, they should be able to be themselves authentically.

At this point the school should have the resources and support to be able to support that child and hopefully get them to a point where they are able to have a conversation with the parents.

Unfortunately, if the parents aren't accepting, they need to make sure that supports are in place to support the child.

You know, kids have a concept of their gender by age three.

So these are conversations that, again, it's not to try to sway a kid one way or another but to make sure the kid is comfortable.

- And so you're, it's clear to you that parents who are loving and caring and want to do everything they can for their child should not know for a 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 or 8-year-old child that this is what the child has told a teacher, a guidance counselor, whomever.

Don't tell the parents.

That, you believe that should be a policy across this country?

- Yeah, so it's really about ensuring the child's safety, right?

- What about parental rights to raise their child as they see fit and support their child as they see fit?

- Well, so at this point, when a child comes out that's when the school should really be working with the child to assess, like, if there are supports in place and if they are accepting.

If they are and the child believes that they are, that's when the school should be working to facilitate these conversations with the family.

But again, it's really youth led, it's really like the youth can lead this conversation and, again, the younger the child is, the more supports are needed to have these conversations and to assess the situation.

- JP, first of all, you appearing with us matters.

You appearing with us makes a difference and it helps folks personalize this issue and understand it from someone as eloquent and caring as you are for so many others.

And the thing that I picked up more than anything else is you do not want other young people to struggle in the way you have struggled, and to give them the support they need regardless of what their opinion may be on parental rights versus what the school should be doing or not.

JP Pedoto, Pride+.

Pride.

You know, I've been at this for 30 years, I can't say Pride+ program coordinator and clinician for Family Connections New Jersey.

Check them out.

JP, thanks so much.

- Of course.

Thank you so much Steve.

- You guys stay with us.

We'll be right back.

- [Narrator] One-On-One with Steve Adubato has been a production of the Caucus Educational Corporation.

Funding has been provided by Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield of New Jersey.

The Healthcare Foundation of New Jersey.

Rutgers University Newark.

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Newark Board of Education.

The Fidelco Group.

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And by The North Ward Center.

Promotional support provided By NJ.Com.

And by Meadowlands Media.

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