[audience applauds] Good evening, and welcome to Play of the Week, where each week a new play is performed live in front of a studio audience and broadcast to the nation.

I am Robert Grove, the director.

[applause sound effect] [audience laughs] Now, last Christmas, we presented the Nativity story, which received so many complaints I was able to launch a successful coup and dislodge our previous director Chris Bean from his post.

[audience laughs] In fact, that reminds me.

Chris, here are the rewrites for this evening.

Chris Bean, everyone.

[booing sound effects] I know, I know.

[audience laughs] Now, when Chris directed our productions, they did sometimes contain errors.

In fact, the opening scene of the Nativity contained 27 mistakes alone.

But for tonight's epic family saga, I can confidently announce there will be no more errors, no mishaps.

Tonight, everything will be perfrect.

Perfrect?

Perfect.

Sorry, that was an error, there'll be no more errors.

That didn't happen.

Reset your minds, we'll go again.

Tonight, everything will be perfect.

The actors are prepared, the stage is set.

Please enjoy, Summer Once Again.

[audience applauds] [blows whistle] [music] Where's the table?!

[audience laughs] [clattering] [music] [audience laughs] Oh, I feel I have lived through this moment so many times before.

So often have I dreamt of Roger's return to Northwood Manor.

They say war changes a man, sister.

Do you think I will recognize him, Edward?

He's Roger.

Of course you'll recognize your son.

For years, you have hoped he will come home hard.

[audience laughs] Hoped hard he will come home.

Yes.

-Hard.

-Stop saying hard.

[audience laughs] You are a pure and pious man, brother.

Jacob, hurry along, make sure there's enough wood on the fire.

Yes, ma'am!

[audience laughs] Careful not to work the boy too... Hard.

Nonsense.

We need all the wood we can get.

Oh, there's hardly any heat coming off this at all!

Let me check to see if the cake is ready.

Mrs. Wimblegate!

Ooh!

[audience laughs] We are almost ready, ma'am.

-Margaret!

-Yes, ma'am?

Hurry and get that tea on the stove, girl.

Sorry, Mrs. Wimblegate.

Let me help you, Miss Margaret.

You do look a picture today.

Thank you.

[music] [audience laughs] Everything must be just so for Roger's arrival.

[audience laughs] Coughs!

[Robert] Oh don't say coughs, just cough!

Your goulashes.

Thank you.

Now, Dr. Smith insists you eat every mouthful of your food, brother.

This beef is as tough as old boots!

[car honking] Oh, it must be Roger!

Already?

And here's me with my hair all a mess.

[audience laughs] Mrs. Wimblegate, where are my rain boots?

Your galoshes.

Thank you.

Oh, Roger and I will want to take a walk around the grounds.

It's just like we used to.

[car honking] Roger!

[audience laughs] Mother, I have returned!

[audience laughs] [Robert] Bravo!

Hey.

You were a boy when you left, but now I see a man before me.

It's good to see you, Mother.

I've missed you all so very much.

Except for that manure boy.

Aah, there he is!

[audience laughs] I'm sorry about my appearance, sir.

Yes, well, ´tis foul.

Take my bag inside, you peasant.

[audience laughs] Welcome back, young sir.

I heard tales of your great skill.

You are revolting.

Well, if that's all sir, I must be going.

This manure won't eat itself.

Be gone.

There, all finished.

Salutations Uncle.

Ah, my favorite nephew!

But how pale you look.

He fell yesterday walking Monty.

Ah, hello, Monty!

[laughs] [audience laughs] He needs a second helping to get his strength up.

The cake, ma'am.

Sit, Roger, we must celebrate your safe return.

Thank you, Mother.

Oh, Mrs. Wimblegate, this looks exquisite.

There, second helping finished.

Ugh.

Now no more.

You're not finished until you've had a big mouthful of cake.

Well, I do love cake.

Open wide.

Aah... Mm... [audience laughs] Mother, tell me, where is my fiancée?

Where is... Susan.

I was pausing.

Where's Susan?

Susan?

Edward, will you give us a reading from the Bible?

"Summer Once Again.

Robert Grove rehearsal diary.

The cast are terrible."

"Forever and ever.

Amen."

[audience laughs] Mother, I will not be distracted!

Where is Susan?

Oh, Roger.

I think you'd better speak to Dr. Smith.

[music] [audience laughs] For God's sake, that's 28 mistakes.

Right.

[blows whistle] We'll go again.

-[Chris] What?

-[Robert] Go again!

-From the top?

-[Robert] Yep, -none of that happened.

-Yes, it did.

-Nope, reset.

-We can't go back!

I'm the director!

We'll go again!

That's ridiculous!

Reset the car!

My apologies, ladies and gentlemen.

It's not a real car!

[audience laughs] My apologies, ladies and gentlemen, but I'm sure you'll all agree that scene was not perfect.

Particularly Chris's performance.

So, we're going to go back from the top.

Although we will have to get a move on.

Is everyone ready?

Perfect.

Perfect.

The stage is set.

The actors are perprared.

Prepared.

Sorry.

I'm under a lot of pessure.

Pressure.

Please enjoy Summer Once Again.

Again.

[blows whistle] [music] [Robert] Where are the actors?

[audience laughs] [hurried footsteps] [music] I feel I have lived through this moment so many times before.

[audience laughs] So often have I dreamt of Roger's return to Northwood Manor.

They say war changes a man, sister.

Do you think I will recognize him, Edward?

He's Roger.

Of course you'll recognize your son.

For years you have hoped... [audience laughs] Hard.

...he will come home hard.

[audience laughs] You are a pure and pious man brother.

Jacob, hurry along.

Make sure there's enough wood for the fire.

Yes, ma'am.

[audience laughs] Careful not to get the boy too hard.

[audience laughs] Nonsense!

We need all the wood we can get, there's hardly any heat coming off this at all.

Argh, that's hot!

I'll just check to see if the cake is ready.

Mrs. Wimblegate!

[audience laughs] We're almost ready, ma'am.

-Margaret!

-Yes, ma'am?

Hurry and get that tea on the stove, girl.

Sorry, Mrs. Wimblegate.

[Jacob] Let me help you, Miss Margaret.

MARGARET: No, no... [Jacob screams] [audience laughs] [Jacob screams] [audience laughs] You do look a picture today.

Thank you.

[music] [whirring] Oh!

[audience laughs] Everything must be just so for Roger's arrival.

[audience laughs] Don't say "coughs" this time!

Argh!

[audience laughs] Your goulashes.

Thank you.

Now, Dr. Smith insists you eat every mouthful of your food, brother.

This beef is as tough as old boots.

[car honking] Oh, it must be Roger!

Already?

And here's me with my hair all a mess.

[audience laughs] Mrs. Wimblegate, where are my rain boots?

Your galoshes.

[audience laughs] Thank you.

Roger and I will... will want to take a walk... Want to take a walk around the grounds.

Just like we used to... [audience laughs] Roger!

[music] [audience laughs] Mother, I have returned!

[music] [audience laughs] [Robert] Bravo!

Thank you.

You were a boy when you left, but now I... Now... Ooh.

Now I see a man before me.

It's good to see you, Mother.

I've missed you all so very much.

Except for that ugly, destitute and syphilitic manure boy.

Ah, there he is.

I am sorry about my appearance... and smell.

[audience laughs] And?

Small manhood.

[audience laughs] Which?

I oft expose in the town.

[audience laughs] So you should be.

Take my bag inside, you peasant.

Welcome back young sir.

I... Ah, manure boy, you're so weak.

-What have you put in there?

-Nothing.

You're just weak.

[audience laughs] Well, if that's all, sir, I must be going.

This manure won't eat itself.

Before you go, do tell me one more thing.

I have a bowel condition.

[audience laughs] Yes, you do.

Probably, from eating all that manure.

[laughs] Be gone.

That scene is really working now.

[audience laughs] Salutations, Uncle.

Ah, my favorite nephew!

But how pale you look!

He fell yesterday walking Monty.

Ah, hello, Monty.

[audience laughs] He needs a second helping to help get his strength up.

Woah!

The cake, ma'am.

Come.

Sit, Roger, we must celebrate your safe return.

Thank you, Mother.

Oh, Mrs. Wimblegate, this looks exquisite.

Ma'am.

There!

Second helping finished.

Now no more!

You're not finished until you've had a big mouthful of cake.

Well, I do love cake.

Open wide!

Ah... Mm..

Mother, tell me, where is my fiancée?

Where is... [audience laughs] -Sorry, is it my line?

-No, I'm pausing!

I'm pau... Where's Susan?

Susan... Edward, will you give us a reading?

[clears throat] "Rehearsals, day seven.

The play is not improving.

Maybe Mother was right, maybe I am all talk and no trousers.

Forever and ever.

Amen."

[Robert] Alright, stop there!

And again from the top.

[blows whistle] No, no, we'll go again!

I'm so sorry, Ladies and Gentlemen.

None of that happened.

Reset your minds and please enjoy Summer Once Again.

again, again.

[audience laughs] [blows whistle] [Robert] Oh, for goodness sake!

[blows whistle] [audience laughs] [hurried footsteps] [music] I feel I have lived through this moment so many times before.

So often have I dreamt of Roger's return to Northwood Manor.

They say war changes a man, sister.

Do you think I'll recognize him, Edward?

He's recognize, of course you'll Roger your son.

[audience laughs] For years you have hoped hard he will come home... not hard.

[audience laughs] You are a pure and pious man, brother.

[car honking] Three pages early!

[audience laughs] Jacob, hurry along, make sure there's enough wood on the fire.

Yes, ma'am.

[audience laughs, applauds] Careful not to work the work too work.

[blows whistle] Careful not to hard the work too hard.

[blows whistle] Careful not to get the two workmen too hard.

Nonsense!

We need all the wood we can get.

There's hardly any heat... coming off... [audience laughs] Aah!

I'll just check to see if the cake is ready.

Mrs. Wimblegate!

We're almost ready, ma'am.

-Margaret!

-Ooh!

Yes, ma'am?

Hurry and get that tea on the stove girl.

[audience laughs] Sorry, Mrs. Wimblegate.

Let me help you with that, Miss Margaret.

[audience exclaims] You do look a picture today.

Thank you.

[music] [audience laughs] [screams] [audience laughs] Er... Er... Everything must be just so for Roger's arrival.

[audience laughs] If you say "coughs" this time, I'll hit you.

Ooh!

[audience laughs] Your goulashes.

Thank you.

Now, Dr. Smith insists you eat every mouthful of your food, brother.

[audience laughs] This beef is tough as old boots.

[audience laughs] [car honking] Oh, it must be Roger!

Already?

And here's me with my hair all a mess.

Mrs. Wimblegate, where are my rain boots?

Your galoshes.

[audience laughs] Thank you.

Oh, I see what I've done.

[audience laughs] Roger!

[music] [whistle] Argh!

[audience laughs] [audience laughs] Mother!

I have returned... [Robert] Bravo!

Not yet!

Mother, I have returned... [Robert, distorted] Bravo!

...vo!

...vo!

Turn it off!

Turn it.. Argh!

[audience laughs] Ugh!

[audience laughs] [loud pop] [audience laughs] You were a boy when you left, but now I... see a... see a man before me.

[audience laughs] It's good to see you, mother.

I've missed you all so very much.

Except for that manure boy.

Ah, there he is.

I am sorry about my appearance, sir.

[audience laughs] Take my bag inside.

Argh!

Well, if that's all, sir, I must be going... but it looks as though someone has beaten me to my supper this evening.

[audience laughs] Be gone!

There, all finished.

Salutations, Uncle.

Ah, my favorite nephew!

But how pale you look!

He fell yesterday walking Monty.

Ah, hello, Mon... [audience laughs] He needs a second helping to get his strength up.

Uh-oh.

Mm.

The cake, ma'am.

Come.

Sit, Roger, we must celebrate your safe return.

Thank you, Mother.

[audience laughs] Ah, Mrs. Wimblegate, this looks exquisite.

[audience laughs] Ma'am.

[audience laughs] Well, second helping finished.

Now no more.

You're not finished until you've had a big mouthful of cake.

Well, I do love cake.

Open wide!

Ugh... [audience laughs] Mother.

Mother, tell me, where is my fiancée?

Where is... -What was her name?

-Susan!

Susan.

Forgettable name.

Susan.

Edward, will you give us a reading?

"Lost my notebook.

Making do with Dennis' prop Bible.

Heard back from Dench.

Unavailable.

Annie remains.

Last night was a night to remember.

Another spanking from mother--" [audience laughs] Right, that was worse.

We have to move on, we have six minutes to finish the whole play.

[audience laughs] In all my years as a physician-- No!

No, no, no, no!

Cut the doctor, we don't have time.

Susan died while I was away.

-Of typhoid.

-That doesn't matter.

Close the house.

Scene three!

Morning, Jacob.

Oh.

Morning, sir!

I have noticed since you have returned, you carry with you such a quiet dignity.

Grief makes solemn poets of us all.

Sir, would you like to while away an hour at the chess board like we used to?

Thank you, young Jacob, that may ease my pain.

There is nothing more calming than an hour spent in the company of these fine bishops and knights.

I have missed our games in your absence.

Good move, Jacob.

Ah, chess is a game when you must never rush your turn.

I shall ponder my repost at length while listening to the birds in the orchard.

[birds chirping] Done.

You always did think strategically, always five moves ahead.

Yet strategy comes naturally to you, Jacob, does it not?

Well, one must take whatever advantage is presented.

You have certainly taken advantage, have you not?

-Bishop takes pawn.

-What are you getting at sir?

Susan wrote to me of you.

Bishop takes knight.

Well the truth is she fell ill while you were away at the front.

I gave her comfort in your absence as any man would.

And yes, we grew close.

Check.

-Block.

-And, dare I say, we fell in love, but who are you to pass judgement?

You never loved her as I could, Roger.

Checkmate.

[audience applauds] The days grow longer.

It's as if the world has ground to a halt.

Well, it must make the days more exciting to have a man -love you so.

-Love me?

Oh, yes, I've seen the long lingering looks Master Jacob gives you.

[audience laughs] Mrs. Wimblegate would not approve.

One cannot live one's life scared of what others may think.

Come, play us something soothing and gentle for these endless afternoons.

[music] [audience laughs] Thank you!

I made you this.

[audience laughs] Do you feel that chill in the wind ma'am?

Oh, yes.

Summer is drifting away.

Soon it will be autumn.

Oh!

[audience laughs] It's time for the harvest celebration.

[music] [audience applauds] Mrs. Wimblegate, please bring me another blanket.

When will my nephew return from the war?

I'm back Uncle, do you not remember?

Oh, yes, of course.

Silly me.

He is growing weak.

Eat your supper.

[audience laughs] And plenty of water.

No!

The doctor says he won't survive the night.

[owl hoots] [rooster crows] He lives another day!

I say you are fit and strong, Uncle.

Never mind what the doctor says.

Listen to ten of his breaths and tell me if you hear a single falter.

[breathing rapidly] A man of sound body and mind.

Coughs!

-Ugh!

-Fetch the doctor!

There's no time.

Get out.

Please, bring Monty to me.

I want one more time to feel his tiny little... -What are you doing?

-Paws.

[audience laughs] No, brother, don't leave me.

Please, Margaret, read me a Psalm.

Of course.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul, he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me: thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

-Amen.

-Amen!

Aah... Good.

He's dead.

Winter.

[audience laughs] Manure boy!

Argh!

-Manure boy.

-Morning.

Over these months since my Uncle died, you have seemed somewhat quiet.

-Well, my bowel has decayed.

-Of course it has.

And I had come to care so deeply for your Uncle.

Manure boy, you look so thin, so pale, so ghoulish.

Not goulash!

Manure boy, you are so disgusting, I never asked your name.

What is it?

-Gavroche.

-Galosh?

Go away!

I feel closer to you now, perhaps we might share our grief together?

Right, now there's this whole long scene where we discuss our predicaments and, after many years of feeling animosity, we realize that, actually, we're very similar.

Then, Gavroche dies of typhoid and that's the end of that.

Scene five.

-Roger, have you seen the-- -No time.

Margaret and I realize we're reading the same book and we meet for dinner by the lake in secret.

That happens, dinner finishes.

There's a love scene which we pre-recorded, play that.

Right, good.

Oh, my soul is wracked with shame.

This baby will have no future.

Because she's a peasant.

Baby.

Baby!

Baby!

Baby!

[audience laughs] Oh, look, it's beautiful.

You have your father's eyes.

This baby brings shame onto Northwood Manor!

I decide I can't be with Margaret, so I send her away.

-Farewell, my love.

-Yep.

-I will write you every day.

-Fine.

Circumstance drives us apart, but love knows not the bounds of class or creed.

-All good.

-Perhaps in another age, in another life, in another world we could have been together.

Why not.

Many years pass.

Eventually, the boy grows up, comes back to see me, but there's no time for that.

We reconnect.

I give him ten shillings because he's poor, and then we meet back up every year.

But then, one year he doesn't come and it turns out it's because he's died of typhoid.

I feel remorse so I go on a religious pilgrimage to Jerusalem that-- [chanting] That's a really long sequence where I meet a wise priest, but there's no time for that.

That whole sequence was supposed to happen in front of this huge tapestry of a Levantine pastoral scene which cost a fortune, so we will show that.

[audience laughs] There it is.

Months of work there.

[audience laughs] I receive a message saying my mother is ailing, so I return home.

There's a sandstorm, which we'll skip.

I see my mother... Keep her moving.

I think, all things considered, it's probably best that we're not doing that.

I lose an eye in a duel with Jacob, and then he finds out he has typhoid and kills himself before the typhoid kills him.

[audience laughs] In rehearsal, that was very moving.

[audience laughs] Then, Mrs. Wimblegate, who was really in love with Jacob all along, kills Monty the dog... [audience laughs] It made sense in context.

Something about loss.

The ghost of my Uncle appears to me in a dream...

Though I'm gone, I'm always hard.

[audience laughs] That's not the line.

Mrs. Wimblegate and I have an argument.

He's gone!

Your mother's estate is in ruin and now she's dead!

All of that.

And then, as I start to succumb to my illness... Oh, no, I forgot that!

Yes, there's a scene where you find out I have typhoid as well.

That happens in the second scene, we skipped that.

So...

So imagine I was dying all along, okay?

So, all through that, I was dying, so there's a layer of subtext to it.

Quite, quite sad.

Right, what's next?

Oh, yes, now it's spring.

Jesus!

So, that's spring.

Okay, now... That's the stove!

Put a wet cloth on that.

And then, as I die, I say, "It will soon be summer once again."

And that's... That's the end.

Yeah.

Right.

Now, because we've rushed, there are quite a few minutes left.

Does anyone have any questions?

No?

Anyone?

How many mistakes was that, Robert?

[audience laughs] Tell you what.

We'll go back, we'll do the second scene with the doctor.

Open the house.

In all my years as a physician-- No, no.

Sorry, my watch is slow.

That is the end.

[audience laughs, applauds]