(upbeat music) >>Welcome to A World of Difference: Embracing Neurodiversity.

I'm Darryl Owens.

President George W. Bush once called serving in the military the highest calling, but it's not a solo calling.

When one person joins, the whole family serves.

The military creed is "Never leave anyone behind."

For parents in uniform who are rearing neurodivergent children, that mission takes on a profound, deeply personal meaning every single day.

Frequent relocations, changing schools, shifting support systems, these are challenges every military family faces.

But for parents of neurodivergent children, each new posting isn't just a move, it's a stressful reinvention of care, advocacy, and stability.

On this episode, we hear from a family who's walked this path.

Our panel of national experts offers insight and guidance into navigating military parenting.

And you'll meet our latest difference maker, a college instructor transforming theater to reach neurodivergent audiences.

First we meet the Huffs, a Georgia military family.

They share their journey, their struggles, and the invaluable lessons learned rearing their two neurodivergent sons within the demanding world of the armed forces.

(upbeat music) >>I was 22 when I entered the Army as a second lieutenant.

>>He went to his first duty station in Korea.

Our first year of marriage we were apart, and then when he returned from Korea, we went to our first duty station together, which was Fort Riley, Kansas, and that's where we became pregnant with our oldest son, and that's where he was born.

He actually deployed when I was five months pregnant and he missed the birth, and then fast forward to when we were located at Fort Benning, now currently Fort Moore, Georgia, and our youngest, they're two years apart, was born and he actually missed that entire pregnancy and the birth due to another deployment.

>>I was sad, you know, that I couldn't be there for those moments, but I think that's one of those times when it really comes down to who you pick as a partner, and I think having my wife made those times a lot easier for me.

You know, she would call when she could, she would make sure that I could, you know, talk to her stomach.

She'd put the phone to her stomach, so things to make me feel like I was still involved as a father, even when I couldn't be there.

>>So when he was five years old in kindergarten was when we received his formal diagnosis of autism, and the school at the time still did not believe it because he could speak, so it kind of spoke to us about the challenges we were going to tackle because we knew as a military family we were going to move again, and at this point he's been in three different schools because of moving due to the military commitment.

So I became an advocate for families that have learners in special education for that reason, so that we wouldn't have to have that battle again.

But it was a rough year, but we always say we definitely came out stronger, and we know now when there's any school challenge, we got in the bag.

>>My mom and dad really helped me because they're always there for me.

>>Bam, bam, let's go!

>>I think a lot of military families face is going into an area where you don't have a choice.

You don't have a choice in the school you choose, and so you kind of have to just adapt.

>>So while all this was going on, he started having his problems at school.

I was just doing my job, right?

At the time I was a company commander, a troop commander.

I had about 90 soldiers that I was in charge of and we would, you know, be in the field training, and then it was times I'd get a phone call or she would contact me and let me know that, hey, you know, your son's still having problems at school, and so that's on my mind while we're, you know, in the woods, it's, you know, how do I, what do I need to do as a father?

How do I need to step up to be there?

'Cause I don't know what it is.

So I'm just going through my head thinking about what I can do better or what do I need to do to help him get through his day.

>>After our son was diagnosed, I sought out a diagnosis because him and I are very similar, and so looking back, we realized that's why I had some disconnect to it, and then also he was kind of like, well, he's just like you, and then I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD as well.

>>From my perspective, you know, I think it's you kind of get him into a routine, right?

And routines are big in the military, but especially for being neurodivergent, routines are important.

So he has this routine, you start to build this network of people that we trust as parents and that they trust as our kids, and then we have to leave all that and go somewhere else, right?

It's demanding on any kid and then you want to add neurodivergence on top of that, and it just made things a little bit harder, right?

That initial getting into a new school and learning the teachers there and trying to gauge, you know, really how problematic is this gonna be for us to work with you to get our kid what they need?

And we know, we've had some ups and downs with that, you know, but we've also had some good work and great results that came from having that dialogue early.

So I was halfway to the 20 year career mark, but it was at that point I decided to go into the reserves to really give more stability to my family.

You know, I think a lot of people when they talk about balancing out work and helping at home, they use that term work-life balance, right?

And I think that it doesn't necessarily exist, like people like to use it.

I think that my overall goal or what I had to do was basically dig deep, right?

You know, coaches on football fields tell their players to dig deep all the time.

So I had to dig deep and find that extra energy to step up and help my wife in those areas to be the type of father that can not only accept neurodivergence, but be an active participant and continuing to shape my son as he goes on that journey.

(soft dramatic music) (upbeat music) >>Next we turn to the experts for insight and guidance into the resources, strategies, and support systems available for military families rearing neurodivergent children.

(upbeat music) Dr. Katy Davis is an ASHA certified speech language pathologist who specializes in neurodiversity, language development, and individualized learning strategies.

A military spouse and mother to two twice exceptional autistic children, she blends professional expertise with personal experience to advocate for inclusive education and effective communication.

Her work promotes a strengths-based approach to supporting neurodivergent individuals, helping educators and families foster learning in diverse settings.

Davis holds a Master's in Communication Sciences and Disorders from Oklahoma State University and a Doctorate in Cognitive Diversity in Education from Bridges Graduate School.

Crystal Mahaney, a passionate advocate and wife of an army aviator, has served the military community for over 22 years.

Her journey into special needs and special education began in 2014 when her sons were diagnosed with rare speech disorders and autism.

She pursued advanced studies in Civil Rights, Disability Rights, and Special Education Law.

A paralegal, advocate, policy researcher, and legal analyst, she has facilitated discussions, taught courses on special education and focused on disability as a tenant of diversity.

As adjunct faculty at George Washington University and part of Partners in Promise, a nonprofit organization that provides special education guidance and resources to military families, Mahaney champions education policy and disability rights.

Dr. AJ Marsden, a former US Army surgical nurse, is an associate professor of Psychology and Human Services at Beacon College, the first accredited baccalaureate institution dedicated to neurodiverse students.

She specializes in human development, motivation, abnormal psychology, and health psychology.

She brings a unique perspective to her work, often quoted in major media.

She co-wrote the popular "Myth on the Mind" column for Psychology Today.

And we're gonna begin our conversation today with Dr. Katy Davis.

So Dr. Davis, what kind of challenges do military families face as it relates to continuity of care during deployments?

>>Yeah, I mean a lot of it comes down to essentially paperwork and timing.

Oftentimes IEPs and evaluations that are taking place at a prior school or school district may not match what's happening at the new school or school district.

This can happen because families move in the middle of a school year, but can also happen if they move during the summer as well, as we see that there's often a slow transfer of paperwork between school districts.

We also can see a lot of times that the schools don't have the same programs.

What's offered in one state and in one district might completely differ from another state and district.

There's also the Exceptional Family Member Program, which families in the military who have children who have exceptional needs, they're encouraged to enroll in and it's supposed to help families make sure that they can provide specialists and doctors and other providers there to help their children.

However, they're not always up to date.

So they may say that yes, there are specialists available that are no longer there, or sometimes there's wait lists that are so long that by the time a family is actually able to see the specialist, they're ready to move again.

>>All right, well thank you.

So Crystal, are there DOD programs or protections in place for families with neurodivergent kids to ensure that they have access to the specialized care they need, particularly during relocations?

>>Absolutely, as Dr. Davis just mentioned, the Department of Defense Exceptional Family Member Program is a program that DOD uses to coordinate services for military families with exceptional children transferring to new duty station.

The DOD published new instructions 1315.19 in June 2023.

It addresses enrollment, disenrollment, and assignment coordination.

The EFMP program strives to improve coordinating services during a PCS transfer.

It also provides a family support office that assists in a warm handoff from the losing installation to the receiving installation.

All service branches do it differently, a little bit differently, but the DOD is working to standardize the process across all service branches.

>>So Dr. Marsden, are there common psychological issues that neurodivergent children whose parents are in the military face, particularly during frequent relocations?

>>Absolutely Daryl, there are.

One of the major issues that children deal with in military families, not just neurodivergent children, but all children, is anxiety, right?

Because there's lots of movement, there's lots of changing of the schedules and things like that, and we know already that neurodivergent children struggle even more with disruptions in their schedule and disruptions in their routine.

With a military family, they're chronically moving maybe every two years, every three years, a good family might be like every five years, but it is very, very quick.

They move often and because of that, there's lots of changes to the routine and that creates a lot of anxiety.

So the anxiety that goes along with, okay, we have to learn a new routine, we have to learn a new school, but in a lot of cases they also have to learn a new culture, and for a non-neurodivergent individual, going to a new country and having to learn to live in a new culture is one of the most stressful things that a person can do.

So imagine that for a neurodivergent individual who already struggles with maintaining, you know, good time management and planning and decision making, they already struggle with that, and now they also have to learn an entirely new culture.

We know people with autism, for example, really struggle with social skills.

So imagine going from the United States to Japan, for example, and having to learn an entirely new set of social skills.

So there's a lot of anxiety that goes along with moving from military base to military base for children.

>>All right, thank you Dr. Marsden.

So Dr. Davis, even parents who aren't in the military struggle sometimes with advocating for their neurodivergent children to get their needs met in the school setting.

How can parents who are in the military best advocate for their neurodivergent children to make sure that their needs are met?

>>Sure, I mean that's kind of one of the best things about being in a military family is we know how to plan ahead.

So, you know, get all those hard copies of the paperwork, your evaluations, your IEPs, your 502s as soon as you can, and just hand carry them with you.

We tend to have a big black file folder that moves everywhere with us and that stays on our person.

That's where all of that paperwork should go.

And as soon as you can, make an appointment to walk into that district office and hand it right to them.

That will cause you a great deal of help to be able to get that information to them right away instead of them trying to hunt it down.

Another one is to create an "All About Me" sheet for your child to include their strengths and things that they really enjoy to help streamline the process of the new school getting to know your child and getting to know their family.

And then just reaching out through Facebook and other social media to find out what is it going to be like in the new area, and often you'll find that there's a strong military connective group that can really help support you as you move into the new area.

>>So Crystal, what recourse do military families have if their children's needs aren't being met under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act when they relocate to a new school?

>>Sure, so first and foremost, parents should be as proactive as possible.

They should understand what their parental rights are walking into the district in any state and they should also know what should happen as far as timelines, placement, and service delivery.

Communicate with the school and administrators when that expectation is met, and a lot of times parents can resolve those issues at that level before it can escalate.

If the family continues to experience difficulties, a good idea is to contact the school liaison officer in the EFMP office at the installation.

And lastly, and this is really important, is that they should contact the legal assistance or JAG offices on the installation for legal assistance if it escalates to that point.

>>All right, so Dr. Marsden, you talked about anxiety a little earlier, but I'm wondering about another thing that's pretty prevalent, I would imagine, that's stress.

How does the stress of a parent's deployment impact the development of a neurodivergent child in the military?

>>Well, it affects them in multiple ways, and to be quite honest, most of them are detrimental ways.

When a parent is getting ready to deploy, there is this realization, this potential possibility that the parent might not be coming back from deployment, and that's something that's really difficult and heavy for children to try to understand and process.

So in some ways they may kind of pull back from the conversation because they're not sure how to deal with it, they might not wanna talk about it, and when that happens, it's important to engage them to try to tell them that it's okay to feel the way that they're feeling.

It's okay to be angry about it, it's okay to be sad about it, but to talk about those emotions.

So there's that fear of the parent not coming back.

There's also, on the parent side, a fear of potentially missing milestones in their child's life, right?

So graduating from the fifth grade and starting sixth grade, they might have to miss that, and that's a feeling of loss in some ways.

So understanding how to deal with those feelings are really important in talking together before deployment.

While they're deployed, it's important to put aside time for the family to communicate and to try to, even if it's for just five minutes at a time, but just to find some time to communicate and reconnect and let everybody know, you know, we're still here, we're still supporting one another.

So it can be really, really difficult.

The child may start acting out, they may regress in some ways, and in those cases, again, it's important to engage them, to talk to them, and it's okay to get a professional involved too.

>>All right, so Dr. Davis, despite our best efforts, neurodivergence still has kind of a scarlet letter in a lot of circles.

So I'm wondering, do you have any advice for military families who may be struggling with the idea of unmasking their child's neurodivergence in a closely knit community like a military community?

>>Sure, you know, I would say that as a military parent myself, you know, I have to use my voice.

My child doesn't always have one, and so I'm their greatest advocate, I'm their greatest fan, and I'm not afraid to let everyone know it, and I think that when we use our voice and when we reach out to others, we find out there's actually a larger group out there than we're even aware of, and then all of a sudden we've got our support network, we've got the family and the friends that we can reach out to, that we can trust our children with, and when we come out, and you know, show that we are the experts on our own children, we are really able to strengthen those bonds and to peel away those layers of stigma and some of that ableism that comes about when we think about children who are neurodivergent.

>>Watch the full Ask the Expert segment on our website at AWODTV.org if you wanna learn more about this topic.

You can also watch or listen on Facebook, YouTube, or on your favorite podcasting platform.

(upbeat dramatic music) Now let's meet our latest difference maker.

Shakespeare famously proclaimed, "All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players," but Dionne O'Dell focused on the audience, particularly the youngest members with learning and attention differences.

Drawing on her background in children's theater, O'Dell raised the curtain on the Sense-Ability Ensemble, a group of students at Michigan State University that creates innovative, multisensory, interactive theatrical performances for neurodiverse audiences grades K through 3.

Thanks to O'Dell's efforts, the question of whether theater access is to be or not to be for all Michigan youth is closer to being answered.

(upbeat music) >>The window?

Oh no!

Papa!

Dad, wake up!

Wilhelmina got out!

>>Oh, did you leave the window open again?

>>Papa.

I wanted my painting to dry quickly.

It's not my fault, it's not my fault.

>>We are a group here at Michigan State University that strives to have theater access for all and we work with a lot of different designers and puppeteers and we also collaborate with special education and people that work a lot with students who are neurodiverse to really get their input and perspective.

I've always considered myself the children's theater expert and I'm learning as we've developed these shows more and more about working with individuals that are neurodiverse and how to really include them into not only the performances, but into the creation of the performances.

So "What If Wilhelmina" was our fourth show for audiences that are neurodiverse, and we certainly have learned a lot along the way and the shows have grown as we've developed different methods and integrated students who are neurodiverse into the productions.

>>Hey, hey, over here!

>>And who are you?

>>Well I'm the Screamer!

>>I was just painting you.

>>Because you wanna scream, right?

>>Yeah.

>>So let's scream!

>>So Dionne and I had met years ago when she worked in New York with Lincoln Center and fast forward decades later, and I wrote this book, and she got a copy of the book and called me and said, "You know, I'm at Michigan State now, running this Sense-Ability ensemble program and what I love about the book is all of the emotion in the little girl's face, and I think it would adapt nicely to the stage.

Can I adapt to your book into a musical?"

And I thought for about two seconds and said, "Okay, sure would love that."

She explained it through the lens of her work, it just made total sense, and she did a beautiful job adapting the book, and it is perfect for neurodiverse audiences.

>>Whether you're learning math or how to read or how to deal with an emotion, music has a profound effect of reaching that emotion or that part of your brain that helps things stick.

♪ As a chore ♪ Faith can be a star >>The things that I noticed that Dionne has brought in specifically for the neurodiversity aspect is letting the kids come and experience different things.

They are a part of the play themselves.

They get to feel things, they get to do activities that incorporates them, so makes it a little bit more special >>For "What If Wilhelmina," some of the touch points were letting the kids, if they wanted to, always, you know, asking, put out their hand if they wanted to feel the cat whiskers on their hand, the cat's tongue at the end.

We used sandpaper to see if they wanted to see what a kitty kiss felt like.

We had them helping to draw Wilhelmina in the beginning of the show.

They had the little activity booklets, so they were participating in that way.

One of my favorite parts of the show is when we invite children to come up onto the stage and look for Wilhelmina, so they have the little magnifying glasses and they're searching for the cat.

So it's really breaking that fourth wall between the stage and the audience and really inviting that participation back and forth.

>>We've had a couple different actors that have been part of the different Sense-Ability ensemble shows, and it's just great to have theater for all and have them be able to represent themselves.

>>I always kind of knew that I was a little different, that I learned things a little differently or a little slower than others, and that I needed more help than the other kids, and sometimes that would cause me to get treated a little differently, and sometimes some kids weren't the nicest about it, but I was a part of this show last year when they performed it, 'cause last year they performed it and they went to a bunch of like elementary schools, and honestly, it always feels super nice and inclusive because most people don't even, I guess, treat me any differently.

Like even if they know that I have autism, they just treat me like another cast member or just another person, which I always really appreciate.

>>I've had so many parents say to me that they just don't go to the theater because they're worried about their child getting overstimulated or people staring or pointing or just feeling embarrassed sometimes by outbursts, and I feel like just having a safe space for them to feel comfortable and welcome.

There's a big difference between, you know, you're welcome here and this was created specifically for you in mind, and I think that's the goal of this, for them to feel like this was created specifically for them and that it's a totally inclusive space and no matter what happens, it's going to be okay and that you know, we will work it to make it the best experience possible for them.

(audience clapping) (upbeat music) >>And that does it for this episode of A World of Difference: Embracing Neurodiversity.

I'm Darryl Owens, see you back here next time.

You can watch episodes of A World of Difference on the Beacon College Facebook and YouTube channels and on the show's website AWODTV.org.

The website also provides tip sheets and other resources for your parenting journey.

You can watch the show from the PBS app available on your favorite streaming device and you can listen on your favorite podcasting platform.

Thank you for watching and supporting A World of Difference.

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