(upbeat music) - Hey everyone, Steve Adubato.

Recently, my colleague on our sister program "Lessons in Leadership", Mary Gamba and I talked with Patricia Stark.

Patricia's doing a new show with our longtime friend Ernie Anastos and they're doing a show on 77 WABC Radio every Sunday night from five to six.

It's called Positively Ernie and Patricia.

It's all about being positive, being happy, taking the worst possible situation and finding something positive in it.

So, while Mary and I did it on that platform, we thought it would be relevant because listen, the public television audience needs to be positive as well.

This is Patricia Stark being positive.

Mary and I are pleased to welcome my longtime friend Patricia Stark, who is the author of this book, Calmfidence: How to Trust Yourself, Tame Your Inner Critic, and Shine in Any Spotlight also co-hosting a new show on 77 WABC with our longtime friend, Ernie Anastos.

The name of the show, Patricia is?

- Well, it's so great to be here with you both, first of all and the name of the show is Positively Ernie and Patricia.

- All right, look, you are the two of the most positive people I've ever met.

How the heck, first of all, you've worked together in the past before.

- Yes, Ernie and I have known each other for many, many years.

Did some work at Fox Five, did some things with a national show that he had done called Positively America, and we always said we wanted to host a show together that was all positive, good news, all uplifting, inspiring, and we got our wish.

So, we're extremely happy right now.

- How dare you do something positive in the media.

- (Laughter) Describe the show, the format of the show.

And by the way, we'll put up the website so people can find out more.

We are on public broadcasting and other outlets but we also wanna share the work of our colleagues that are doing important work.

Please, Patricia.

- Well, thank you both so much for the opportunity to share the good news.

So, it is live every Sunday from 5 to 6:00pm Eastern and it is a call and talk format.

We start with the topics, we have guests that could be anywhere from a celebrity to a guest expert, to a newsmaker, educator.

Doesn't matter, as long as they have inspiring tips and stories, things that are going to kind of refill your cup before another work week.

And that was one thing we were so pleased with getting the five o'clock time slot on a Sunday is, you know, that's really when you're poised to start a new week.

And if we can do something to help refill that cup recharge those batteries launch into a good week.

It's really been working great.

And over the last month and a half since we've launched, we've been taking more phone calls and you can tell that listeners really appreciate the fact that they get to call in with their words of wisdom and things that are working for them, you know, and it's not all just good news and, you know, giggles, we really tackle subjects that are important and that might be tough, but in a solution oriented way.

- As Mary jumps in, Patricia and I have known each other for a long time as well and she has been coaching, mentoring, teaching others how to communicate with more confidence and connect with the message they want to get across in a very passionate and meaningful way.

And I've learned a lot from her books and her work for a long time.

Mary, jump in.

- Yeah, and I was gonna say, there's probably no accident that you went from "Calmfidence", communicating with a sense of calm and confidence at the same time, and also the power of positivity, the power of thinking.

And we all have that inability, right?

To reframe our thoughts to, I've always heard this a million times, it's not what happens to you, it's your reaction to it.

Can you talk a little bit about the connection between our positive thinking and then just overall our outlook on life and then ultimately how that ties into what you're doing with Ernie and the show?

- Yes.

Well, thank you.

So, I really believe that everything starts from within.

Whether it is your calm, the foundation of how you're launching into your day, your communications with others, your interpersonal skills, everything starts in our internal world.

And if we don't work on that first, then we have a shaky foundation for anything.

And that can affect, again, our success, our leadership skills, our relationships.

So, taking the time to do that inner work and trying to come from an optimistic perspective or at least somewhat of a positive slant on things which is what we do have control over, by the way.

You know, a lot of people will say, oh, they're naturally an optimist or a pessimist but you know what, once you're an adult, you actually get to make, it is a choice, you decide.

Am I going to lean in one direction or another?

And it might take a little bit more work to be positive and to be optimistic, but it's certainly worth the payoff.

And when I was doing the research on the book and interviewing a lot of clients and students and they all wanted that sense of calm and confidence simultaneously, that all still started from what are the stories you're telling yourself internally?

What are you visualizing ahead of time?

And if it's garbage in, it's garbage out.

If it's negative in, it's negative out, and of course, positive in, positive out to the best of our ability.

- You know, and because we've had and, Ernie on so many times, and check out our website that'll be up on the screen at SteveAdubato.org.

We've had Ernie on many times in the past and he and I have worked together for a long time at different networks, at different times, and he's gotta be one of the most positive people I've ever met.

I mean, over a lot of years.

And so, here's where I'm going with this, Patricia.

Given all the polarization, the divisiveness, the negativity, the if we disagree, Patricia we must be enemies because you must be a terrible person if you disagree with me.

And January 6th is only a piece of the larger mosaic across the country.

How the heck do you do a show on positivity with that going on?

- Oh, it's kind of, you know, like a ship in an ocean locking off any of the holes or issues to not sink, right?

So, it's compartmentalizing and saying for this hour, for the prep leading up to this show, we're gonna focus on what is going right.

What can we each of us do to be more kind to each other, to have more civility to try to find that common ground?

Because all this divisiveness does is dehumanize us.

You know, once we sit down on a human level, and realize that we all want the same things.

We all wanna be with people we love, we all want safety and security and to make a decent living and come home to a safe home and neighborhood and be with, again, people that we care about.

I mean, that really is what it all comes down to.

Everything else is just noise.

And, you know, I'm really a big believer that there are whether you wanna call it entities, agendas, people, whatever, they wanna create so much external noise that we forget the power that we all have inside and internally to determine our daily lives.

So, it's so important to watch what you're letting in, what are you focusing on?

- Including media.

- Because what you focus on becomes your reality.

I'm sorry for interrupting, Patricia.

Including media slash social media.

What you let in, influences your ability to be positive or not.

- Right.

Right.

And it doesn't take much to be kind, it doesn't take much to just look around and say, you know what, these are other human beings and what are we all fighting about?

And you know, I understand that people have their political views and they hold strong to them.

- But does it make us enemies?

- Right.

Well, you can't just blindly say you're on that team and I'm on this team because when at the end of the day we're all Americans and beyond that, we're all human beings.

I can remember as a kid, thinking to myself and having a conversation with my dad at one point, even before there was this much divisiveness and saying, wow, you know, I wonder if aliens ever landed on the earth.

Is that the only way that we would all join together to be us against them and have it benefit us?

You know, it sounds like a crazy thing, but it was from a kid's perspective.

But there's a little bit of truth in that and I think we're getting nowhere by, you know, forgetting how to respectfully disagree and to, I think there should be signs all over the city that are little reminders that just say, be kind.

Just be kind and to be so divisive is getting none of us anywhere.

Patricia Stark and her colleague, our good friend Ernie Anastos on 77 WABC and also Patricia's book, Calmfidence.

Important book, important work.

Patricia, thanks so much.

We appreciate it.

- Thank you both so much.

Really appreciate it.

- You got it, we'’ll see you next time.

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