- [Announcer] "Nightmare Theatre is made possible in part by The Fish House, a Great Southern Restaurant.

Supporting arts, entertainment, and local culture since 1998. the Gulf Coast's premier pop culture event, is proud to sponsor Nightmare Theatre.

Pensacon brings celebrities, artists, authors, and more together each February in Pensacola, Florida.

For more information, visit pensacon.com.

(soft music) (lightening roars) ♪ One day the devil came to him ♪ ♪ For he was a minor demon ♪ Asked him to torture some humans ♪ ♪ With his two friends in tow ♪ Mittens and El Sapo ♪ The Baron Mondo Von Doren ♪ On Nightmare Theatre - No, no, dude.

Let me try to explain it again.

There were these two gentlemen of the hippie persuasion, I guess you could say.

They were out in the desert in a van, maybe down by the river.

Yeah, I mean, I guess their bosses gave them some time off from their important, stressful jobs or something.

One of them, he turns on the radio, and the other guy hears the music, and he goes, "Hey man, is that Freedom Rock, man?"

And the other guy goes, "Yeah, man.

Well turn it up, man."

It was great.

Well, oh, wait, we're on.

I have it taped, we can watch it later.

Hello and welcome once again to Nightmare Theatre.

I am your host, the Baron Mondo Von Doren, and here with me is Mittens the werewolf.

And we were just discussing lazy but lovable hippies and the music they like, as we wait for the laziest, most unlovable man in the world, El Sapo de Tempesto, to saunter in with tonight's movie.

Again, I'm not sure where he could be.

It's always this thing- - Here I am, fellows.

And I apologize, I am sorry I am late.

- It's nice you could join us.

Mittens and I get so worried when you're not here.

- Well, I tried, but I just couldn't make it on time.

But I did manage to get those rutabagas you asked me about.

But I can never ever go back to that farmer's market again.

Let me tell you and get this.

Whoever said farmers have a good sense of humor was lying.

They don't, believe me.

And neither do their wives.

Completely humorless lot of people.

- I don't even wanna know.

Honestly, I don't wanna know.

And I never asked you to get rutabagas.

You know good and well, I am a strawberry rhubarb man.

Mittens, there will be no strawberry rhubarb pie tonight.

I know you're disappointed.

You can blame El Sapo, he failed you.

And speaking of failures, what movie do you have for us?

- Well, I don't have a movie.

I'm gonna tell you that right off the bat.

- I don't have a movie.

- [Baron] Of course.

- But as the farmer was chasing me around, I found myself on an old tractor, and underneath the seat of the tractor was this.

Can you show it while I go get a movie?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Before you go running off- - So what else can I do for you?

- I wanna see what you gave me.

- Okay.

- Just as I thought, Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe episode three, Walking Bombs.

- Boy, that does sound exciting.

- It isn't, it's just more of the same.

- Well, I've been meaning to ask you this for some time now.

Who is Flash Gordon?

- A fictional character like I wish you were.

- No, no, I mean, what is his history, boss?

How did he come to be?

- We don't really have time for this, but if it will motivate you, I'll give it a shot.

Years and years ago, there was an extremely popular comic strip character, called Buck Rogers.

The comic syndicate King Features, wanted to create its own character so they can compete.

They tried to talk writer Edgar Rice Burroughs of Tarzan fame into licensing his John Carter of Mars series of books, but he told them to hit the bricks.

So they asked one of their own staff, Alex Raymond, to come up with an original character.

And boy did he.

He came up with Flash Gordon.

The Flash Gordon strip ran from 1934 to 1992.

- You know what, you know what?

I bet a comic strip about a masked guy in a tuxedo who spends his days and nights finding movies for an evil guy to show would be very popular, huh?

- Nope.

Anyway, Flash was a good character because he possessed many qualities that you don't such as, charisma, intelligence, courage.

Flash was an athlete, which again takes you out of the running.

And he was also having adventures with his girlfriend.

Again, something you don't have.

A woman named Dale Arden, and his know-it-all buddy, Dr. Zarkov.

- Now, a know-it-all buddy is something I do have.

- Right.

I mean in the sense that Zarkov was a genius, like me.

Now, a comic strip about me, that would sell.

- I'd certainly buy it.

- With what money would you buy it?

Because if you don't go find a movie now, you're not even gonna have a job.

- Feet don't fail me now.

- Run rutabaga boy.

Friends, I'll have more to say about Flash in the coming weeks.

For now, let's get to this one.

It's called Walking Bombs.

Maybe one of those bombs will walk up to the cameraman and blow him up and put us all out of our misery of this serial.

Here's hoping.

Sit back, relax as we present Chapter three, Walking Bombs.

(orchestral music) (lightning cracking) (orchestral music) - [Announcer] Chapter three, Flash is rescued from the energy pit and escapes with Zarkov from Ming's palace.

Ronal, Barin's captain, learns there is an antidote for the purple death.

A mineral known as polarite, found only in frozen unlivable Frigia.

Flash and Zarkov promptly lead an expedition into Frigia, protected against the unlivable cold by a discovery of Zarkov's.

A Ming ship, sent to destroy them sees Flash, Dale, Barin, Roka and one of the miners climbing a huge mountain searching for the polarite.

They drop a bomb, it misses but starts an avalanche which- (dramatic music) - It started an avalanche.

(snow roaring) (woman screams) - It's the bomb released an avalanche that is carried Flash and the others to destruction.

No hope for any of them.

(snow roars) - No, there isn't.

We must blast Ming's men from the skies.

(snow roars) - Get up.

- I'm all right.

Them, they'll need more attention than I do.

(snow roars) - He's still alive.

- He won't be for long in this atmosphere.

- There's hope for all of us.

(snow roars) I may be able to get Dr. Zarkov on this radio.

(engine roars) - Take the control.

- Yes sir.

- Fly it low over the scene of the avalanche.

- Right sir.

(engine roars) (orchestral music) - Is the chasm directly in the path of avalanche?

- They may have fallen into it.

- It's not impossible.

We have to land and explorer it.

And I'll radio Barin's ship to bring them in.

(engine roars) (wind whistles) - Who is it?

- Hello?

This is Flash.

- Yes Flash.

This is Zarkov.

- Dr. Zarkov?

- Dr. Zarkov.

- [Flash] Hello?

- Where are you?

- At the bottom of a deep chasm near the polarite peak.

- Are the others all right?

- [Flash] Barin's hurt really badly sir.

But the cold is unbearable.

- Keep up your courage.

We have landed our ship close to the chasm.

I'll organize a rescue party immediately.

- That's fine Dr. Zarkov.

But hurry we can't out much longer.

- Do you think they are in that cabin we pull over doctor?

- If they're not, we'll never find them alive.

(orchestral music) - [Man] Help.

(indistinct) Hello - I hear them.

Listen I do hear them.

- Take it easy, oh boy.

- Hello, Flash.

Hello - Hello.

Youre right.

- I hear them too.

Zarkov, Dr. Zarkov.

(orchestral music) Dr. Zarkov.

- I'm sure I heard Flash's voice.

- [Flash] Dr. Zarkov.

- Flash.

- Dr. Zarkov, down here.

- I told you.

- [Flash] Dr. Zarkov, down here.

(orchestral music) - What I saw I'm sure we located the polarite deposit.

- I hope so.

But much as we needed to combat the effects (indistinct) on our world, we cannot start to mine it yet.

- And why not Zarkov?

What is more important?

- Your health.

I must first be sure that none of you will suffer from exposure.

- Oh, we're all in good shape but Barin- - That remains to be seen.

I want you all to go to your cabins and rest for 24 hours.

I'll keep you under close observation.

- Yes, in the meantime, that Ming ship you drove off will come back prepared to wipe us out.

- I would have to face that emergency when it arrives.

(orchestral music) - The ship has been badly damaged.

- What bothers me is the report we must make.

Ming is merciless to all those who fail.

- We haven't failed.

Flash Gordon has been destroyed.

- But Ming's orders were to take him alive.

- I will report it at once.

Your Majesty, the ship from the Frigia expedition has just landed.

- What is their report?

- There is none.

The radio must've been have been disabled.

- Have the two officers in charge brought to me at once.

- Sir, we destroyed the Zarkov expedition but- - But what?

- We were driven off by the other ship.

- No doubt.

The superior handling of the other ship defeated you.

However, the fact that you crippled our expedition, compensates some.

- Adjutant.

See that His Majesty gets this message at once.

- Owing to your partial failure, there can be no reward for the capture of Flash Gordon and Zarkov.

- A message sire from Radio Officer Tekla.

- What is the nature of it?

- It reads.

Sire, I have just intercepted a secret radio message on an ultra-low wave band.

It was from Dr. Zarkov to somebody I could not identify.

Stating that his entire party is safe and we'll start mining polarite at once.

- Sire, we saw Flash Gordon and his party go to destruction.

- Return to your radio, and learn with whom Dr. Zarkov is communicating.

- Yes, sire.

- You bungling fools.

You were both to play an important part in my subjugation of the universe.

If Zarkov obtains polarite, and my death dust is useless.

polarite totally neutralizes its effects.

- There must be some mistakes sire.

They were disguised as Frigians and we saw- - Enough.

You know the fate of the those who fail.

(bell rings) Has Dr. (indistinct) reported yet about my Annihilatons?

- Yes sire.

The test was most successful.

- Excellent, excellent.

With my Annihilatons, my mechanical men.

I will conquer Frigia who's there to aid my enemies, who's defied me because it possessed polarite in an unlivable climate.

- But sire, they must be controlled by humans.

- They will be remotely controlled.

I will give you one more chance, my Annihilatons are walking bombs.

You'll detect them return to Frigia, and accomplish that which you previously failed to do.

- This time we shall not fail sire.

- But the expedition must be destroyed with two exceptions, Zarkov and Flash Gordon.

As a prisoners, Zarkov will be of great use to me in my conquest of the universe.

And he will destroy his friend Flash Gordon.

- When shall we start sire?

- As soon as you've been instructed in the use of my Annihilatons.

(orchestral music) (peaceful flute music) - Flash, we have mined enough polarite to begin my work of combating Ming's purple death.

Let's get someone to the ship.

- Okay Doctor.

(engine roars) - What I've learned, we can control the Annihilatons from the ship with that instrument.

- Certainly, we couldn't live exposed in the Frigia atmosphere.

(engine roars) - All right, boys, that's enough.

Start loading up.

(engine roars) - Look at this, I can see them.

They're mining at the base of that hill.

- Get the Annihilatons ready to once.

- Yeah.

- Pilot, turn the ship behind that hill and they won't see us until the expose of iron men are matching against- (engine roars) - A Ming ship has just landing beyond that hill.

(engine roars) - Close to the polarite mine.

- The Ming to attack us.

- But doctor without your counter-freeze solution, they couldn't leave the ship and survive.

- Not unless they have some similar protection.

Get us close to them as you can and find out what they're up to.

- Yes sire.

(orchestral music) - The Annihilatons are all in line and they work perfectly.

- I'll march them around the hill to the pit where Flash Gordon and his buddy are working.

(orchestral music) - Flash what are those awful creatures?

- I never saw anything like them.

They must be from another planet.

They're not human, they're only mechanical, probably operated by someone we can't see.

This ray gun ought to stop them.

(lightening cracking) - Why are they invincible?

- Common fellas, we'll stop them.

- Come back you fools, you can't fight them.

They will fight you.

(lightening cracking) - I may as well show them, they haven't got a chance.

(bomb explodes) - They're walking bombs, operated by a remote control.

- Oh my God, I'm trapped here.

- Iron men have attack Flash and the others at the mine.

- Iron men?

You mean robots, mechanical men?

- They seem to be.

- Come on, Flash will need our help.

- Back to the wall quickly, everybody.

(orchestral music) - Oh I just can't make it.

- You've got to, it's our only chance.

(orchestral music) (woman screaming) (lightening cracking) - I've got to destroy.

(lightening cracking) - He won't forgive another failure.

- Our lives I'll forfeit if I don't.

(bomb explodes) (orchestral music) - Walking bombs, operated by a remote control.

Mittens, have you ever heard of anything that ridiculous in your life?

What do you mean you weren't watching?

We're in this together.

If you've been watching, you would have seen the death of Flash.

He was holding that walking bomb when it blew up, unless he's somehow got away.

But that's unlikely.

Speaking of the unlikely or the at least the unlikable, I wonder what's keeping El Sapo.

- Here I am guys.

- Oh, good.

- Oh no, save those goodies until you see what I have brought both of you fellows tonight, because you are going to need every last one of those goodies.

In fact, the both of you might hoist me up under your shoulders and parade me up and down the public square.

For I believe I have found a classic.

- I highly doubt that.

- Boss, Oh, ye of little fate.

There is none so blind as he who will not hear.

Feast your eyes on this.

- Let me see.

Oh no.

Sapo, Teenage Zombies?

- Yes, boss.

- This film is in no way a classic.

- Oh come on boss.

It's a classic.

The whole world is a classic, if you look at it the right way.

Every time you pick up a film can and see not the title, but a mystery, a marvel there in your hand.

You're holding a classic.

Anything can be a classic when it comes to, if you don't really care too much about what words mean?

- What do you babbling about?

Words have meaning and no matter what the word means, this movie is not a classic in any sense of the word.

It's terrible.

It was slated to be destroyed, the week after it was completed.

This movie was being transported in a plane to a demolition center in a far-off land.

The US military in conjunction with the US Department of Social Security and Public Commission for Film Safety, developed a plan to get rid of this movie so it couldn't hurt anyone.

The idea was that the film would be placed in an uninhabited area and it would be destroyed by a nuclear weapon.

But the plane crashed in the jungle.

The people who lived in the jungle found the film can, the entire plane, its crew and all the cargo burned up, except for the film.

Only this film survived.

This film is always trying to trap an unsuspecting audience.

It wants to be found and it was found by a tribe of indigenous people in the jungle.

Just by touching the film can, every member of the tribe was stricken, bald, and inflicted with rickets within an hour.

Every last member.

Watch this film at your own peril.

- So, what you're telling me is that it's a bad movie.

- This is by far the worst movie you've ever found.

The English language does not have a word to describe how bad it is.

Maybe a German word with like 45 letters like, (speaking in foreign language) Would do the trick, but English cannot.

Let's just say this movie is awful, simply awful.

- Oh, you know there has got to be something good about it.

Like when you find an onion ring in your order of fries.

A hidden prize.

Do you know who directed it?

- I do, yes.

- Can you tell us?

- Well, this film was directed by a guy named Jerry Warren.

He also directed such forgotten mistakes as Man-Beast, The Wild World of Batwoman.

And I swear, I'm not making this up, a movie called Face of the Screaming Werewolf.

He did the bulk of his work in the 50s and 60s.

His last director credit was in 1981, for a film called Frankenstein Island.

- Whoa, math's not adding up.

What did he do between the 60s and 1981?

- He went and door to door to every house in America, apologizing for the other films he made.

- I remember that guy.

He knocked on the door, and you had me turn the hose on him as you screamed, "This is what you get from making the Curse of the Stone Hand in 1965."

- And it was a well-deserved soaking.

- But does it star anyone?

- It stars Don Sullivan.

- Wait, I know that.

And I know that guy.

- [Baron] Yes, as a matter of fact, you do.

- Whoa, wait, hold on.

What year did this movie come out?

- 1959.

- And it's called Teenage Zombies?

- Yep.

- And Don plays a teenager?

- Yup.

- Well, Boston, I think we have a problem.

- Oh, we have many problems tonight.

- After I bought you The Giant Gila Monster, you made me study every aspect of Sullivan's life as punishment in the hopes that I would never bring you another movie with him in it again.

- I sure did.

And we can all see how that worked out.

- This movie came out in 1959.

Don Sullivan was born in 1929.

So that made him what?

48 when this came out?

- He was 30.

- So says, your math.

But we can agree to disagree there boss.

- Sapo, math is math.

- But he wasn't a teenager by any definition.

- Well, there we can agree.

He was not a teenager, but that's not really unusual.

Back in those days, directors always cast grown people as teenagers.

- What do you mean by that?

- Well, there were several movies around this time period, such as, I Was a Teenage Frankenstein from '57, 1959's I Was a Teenage Werewolf, and Teenagers from Outer Space also in 1959, which were supposedly about teenagers.

But the actors in the movies were well into their 20s.

Teenage Caveman came out in 1958 and a 26-year-old, Robert Vaughn played a teenager.

And let's not forget Teenage Thunder, where a 27-year-old man played a teenage kid.

- Well, did people look younger back then or something?

- Does Don Sullivan looked like a teenager to you?

- I suppose not.

It looks like even the title of this movie is a lie.

- It is.

And I hope you're happy with yourself for bringing us this one tonight.

I swear, I literally danced in the street just once, just one time you could find us a good movie.

Before we begin, I'm gonna read a prepared statement.

I'm gonna read the following statement into the record, which Mittens here was kind enough to notarize.

"I, the Baron Mondo Von Doren being of extremely sound mind and body.

- I don't know about the body part.

- Quiet, let me continue.

Absolve myself from any harm that may come from airing this movie.

I did not select this movie.

I do not endorse this movie and I am in no way, shape or form culpable."

Folks, I don't like this any better than you do, but let's take a look at Teenage Zombies here on Nightmare Theatre.

(orchestral music) (ominous trumpet music) - Chocolate and strawberry.

You want anything boy?

- No, Dotty's waiting for me, I've got to leave in a couple of minutes.

- Two malts, 50 cents.

- Here's your chance, Kelly.

Double or not?

- How do I know you've got the other half?

- Kelly, sometimes I don't think you're ever gonna get rich.

- Sometimes I worry about that myself.

- Hey Reg, how about you and the guys we go horseback riding with me and Dott?

- Oh, we can't do it.

I've been working all week on my boat and it's running real good.

And we're gonna go water skiing.

- Oh, you guys, what a drag.

All you ever do is water ski.

- You wanna come along?

- No, I promised Dotty.

Anyway, she's waiting for me at the stables.

- I'll tell you what, you go riding, we'll go water skiing.

And I'll pick you up at four O'clock at the stable.

Then we'll figure out something for tonight.

- You'll pick this up for sure?

- You know I wouldn't hang you up.

- Well, okay.

I'll tell Dott and I'll meet you at four.

- Tell her I said to keep an eye on you.

(all chuckles) - Check the stirrups, big wind might come up.

- Very funny.

- Hi yeah, hi where you're going?

- I will never tell.

- What's the matter with him?

- Oh, he's been eating too much hay.

He doesn't wanna go water skiing.

- Wow, I mean, how weird can he get huh?

- Are you ready?

- Yep, all set.

Pam's making a lunch.

Hey, and guess where we're gonna to eat it?

- In the boat?

- Nope, on an island.

- An island?

- Yeah, it's a real gas, some guys told me about it.

- I've been all over that water and I'd never seen any island.

- You never went back far out, it's way out.

Where the water's too rough to go skiing.

- Sounds crazy Reg.

- Are you gonna believe this scam?

He's always coming up with some long shot, this time it's an island.

- All right, I'll tell you what I'll do.

If that island isn't there, I'll buy two new carburetors for your boat and I'll put them both in myself.

- Come on Reg, let's find out.

- All right.

(water splashing) - [Skip] I told you this island was here, nobody ever believes me.

- Funny, we never knew about it.

- We do now.

And it'll make a crazy spot for beach parties.

- Let's take a look around.

- Yeah, let's.

(birds chirping) (orchestral music) - Hey, dig that.

(birds chirping) - Reggie look.

(orchestral music) - The way they walk, what's the matter with them?

- Doped, or dead or something.

- She's seen us.

- Let's get outta here.

(orchestral music) - The boat's gone.

- Well, they couldn't have taken it far.

- Who couldn't have?

- The people on this island.

- Maybe it floated out.

- No, I tied it real good.

- Well, let's not get panicky.

It has to be somewhere on the shore, so let's circle around it.

(orchestral music) - This shore beats me, no landing dock or anything.

They might've had it up at a better place.

We better go see.

- Not me.

Julie and I will wait for you here.

(orchestral music) (door knocking) - Well, the kids who ran off.

How do you do?

- Good afternoon ma'am.

We're looking for a boat.

- A boat?

- I tied it up down at the beach about an hour ago and now it's gone.

- Won't you come in?

(door slams) I'll get you a soft drink.

- Well, thanks ma'am but we just... Oh yeah, soft drink.

That will be fine.

(melancholy orchestral music) - Now, tell me about your boat?

- Have you got it?

- Your boat?

Of course not.

I've been here all day.

- Well, someone took it and if we're not supposed to be here, well we're sorry.

I mean, if you'll just give us our boat back we won't come back anymore.

- But I've told you I haven't taken your boat.

- What kind of place is this?

I mean, who's in charge here?

Someone knows where our boat is.

- Well, I'm afraid I'm the only one you can talk to.

- We walked all around this island.

Now where do you keep your boats?

- We have no boats here.

- But how do you get back and forth to shore, walk?

- You're certainly not inquisitive young man.

We have no use for boats here, because no one leaves the island.

- Hey Reg, you remember that boat we saw last month without any scares?

- Yeah, they must've been headed here.

- Whoever you saw I'm sure it was going elsewhere.

- We don't care who comes here and who doesn't.

But I think you know where our boat is and we want it.

- I'm sorry, I can't help you.

- Okay.

If that's the way you want it, we're gonna go see the Sheriff.

- Yeah.

- You certainly have a lot of courage.

It's very flattering.

(woman screams) - Hey, that sounds like Julie and Pam.

- What are the girls doing here?

Where are they?

- I'll find out for you.

Ivan, Ivan, are the two girls there?

(orchestral music ) - [Dr. Myra] That's fine Ivan, we'll be down to see them.

(orchestral music) Your friends are downstairs.

Come with me.

- Pam, Julie, what's going on?

- What's going on?

(woman screams) - Come on now.

- Come on.

(orchestral music) - You'll have to excuse Ivan's manners.

He's very strong and sometimes forgets himself.

If you'll behave yourself, he'll not hurt you.

- Hey, what are you gonna do with us?

- I'll first answer your other question.

We've taken care of your boat and none of you will leave here.

Instead, you will help me in some very important work.

No one asked you here, but your curious nature will in turn aid me very much.

- What kind of a creep joint is this?

- Place of research and discovery?

A place where science is free from the interference of stupid politicians.

- Oh yeah?

Well, you won't get away with it.

We've got some friends waiting for us, when we don't show up.

They're going to follow us out here, looking for us they're gonna bust up this whole weird place.

- Please let us go.

We'll promise never to tell anyone about it.

- I'm afraid that's impossible.

And as far as someone discovering this island, that doesn't bother me in the least.

You have to excuse me now, I have work to do.

Remember what I said, behave yourselves and you won't get hurt.

Come on.

(woman cries) - Hello and welcome back.

- Boss, I've been thinking about this movie.

- Why?

- It just seemed like a thing to do.

- You really don't have anything better to do?

- Sure I Do.

But this movie has gotten to me and I just can't stop thinking about it.

It's plaguing my mind.

- Well, perhaps there's a lesson there of the billions of films, films of every genre from every decade, from the silent films of the 1920s to the massive epics of today.

Out of all of those, you decided to bring us one of the worst ones ever made.

- I thought it sounded like a good movie.

- News flash, Sapo.

It's not a good movie, is it?

- No sir, it is not.

But I wonder how they convinced people to go into the theatre to see this God-awful thing.

- Well marketing horrible things is an art.

Only the best can do it.

- Speaking of marketing, I found the poster for this movie.

- Where did you find a poster?

I thought they were burned by mutual consent in 1973.

- Well I found it in the museum for the criminally insane.

They have a great gift shop, by the way.

I found a poster in the history of torture section wedged between a book about the Spanish Inquisition and Urkel's biography.

Look at here boss.

Look what this poster says.

It says, "Young pawns thrust into pulsating cages of horror in a sadistic experiment."

Now that just sounds great, doesn't it?

- Yeah, that was the tagline for the film.

- Well, when is that part gonna happen?

I just can't wait.

- It's not gonna happen you fool.

It's a big fat lie.

See, when distributors have a very bad movie, they will do whatever they can, to get people into the theatre.

A clever line or slogan or even a slick poster can work wonders.

- So the goal was to trick as many young rubes into the theatre as possible, eh?

- Absolutely, and it worked like magic.

This movie played before they had fire codes.

Theatre owners would lock people inside and they couldn't leave until the movie was over.

That's where we get the term "captive audience".

- Wow, you know I did not know that.

- It's true, movies were so bad, they actually had to hold the audience captive until the films were over.

- That is not a bad idea at all.

- Sapo, we can't hold people captive anymore.

The Supreme Court was very clear on that matter.

- No, no, no, no, no.

I mean, we ought to come up with some taglines to get us some younger viewers, something that kids would instantly identify with.

- Listen, the only way we could get more viewers, would be if we announced your retirement.

Oh I can see it now, on the next very special episode of Nightmare Theatre, El Sapo was sent packing.

Banished, shunned, never to return.

Every TV in America would be tuned in.

We could do it like that old show, Branded.

Mittens would tear your mask in half and we'd send you packing with naught but the clothes on your back.

- Actually, I got these clothes from Central Supply.

It's a uniform owned by Von Doren Enterprises.

- Well, so then you'd have to leave with nothing but a towel around your waist.

- Ooh ooh I bet the lady viewers would like that.

(Baron sighs) - Hey, hey if I left, could I come back as someone else on the show?

- [Baron] No - Dang.

Or maybe we could do something to appeal to younger viewers instead.

- If that makes you happy, have at it.

Folks, while grandpa here tries to improve his teen appeal, why don't you get back to Teenage Zombies, here on Nightmare Theatre.

(orchestral music begins) - Hi, Kelly.

- Hi kid, what are you doing?

- I'm looking for Reg, you've seen him?

- No not since you were here this morning.

- How about Skip or Julie?

- No they all left together, right after you did.

- They were supposed to pick Dotty and me up two hours ago at the stables.

- They went out in the boat, didn't they?

- Yeah.

- You think they might've had an accident?

- I don't know when they didn't show up at the stables, I thought maybe Reg might've forgot.

But since they haven't been here either, I don't know what to think.

- Maybe they ran out of gas.

- Had they ran out of gas, they could've paddled in.

It wouldn't have taken them this long.

- Where's Dotty?

- Oh she's still waiting down at the stables.

- You know Morrie.

I've never been out there, but I understand those waters can be treacherous at times.

I think the wisest thing for you to do is go see the Sheriff.

He'll know what to do.

- Yeah, I guess you're right.

- I'll get covered and drive you out.

Gonna to stop by and pick up Dotty first.

- Yeah.

(orchestral music) (door slams) (orchestral music) - Can I help you?

- I hope so, I'm Morrie Timbs, I live over in Compton County as well as Dotty.

- What can I do for you Morrie?

- Well we were water-skiing today, No, I mean, we didn't go water-skiing.

We went horseback riding, but well, Reg and the other kids- - Oh let me tell him Morrie.

- That sounds like a good idea.

- Well, the kids we ran around with, four of them, they went water-skiing.

And they were supposed to pick us up at four o'clock.

- At the stables where we went riding.

- But they didn't come, not at 4:00, or 5:00 or 6:00.

- What kind of a boat did they have?

- Well it's got a homemade hole and a souped up V8 engine.

- Was it likely to break down?

- Well, no, I don't think so.

You see Reg, well, he keeps it tip-top conditional all the time.

- I think you better talk to Sheriff about this.

- All right.

Let's hear all about it.

- Well, we were afraid the boat tipped over something because he was supposed to pick us up a long time ago.

- What direction they went?

No, they just went water-skiing, no special direction.

- Well, now we have about 300 square miles of water out there.

That'll be difficult for us to search an area like that.

- But you've got to do something, you just got to.

- Now, now don't misunderstand me.

We will do the very best we can of course.

You tell Reagan to pick up after you immediately.

You and I are leaving at five in the morning.

- Can we go with him?

- I'm afraid not miss it's practically dark.

- You kids have a car?

- Well, no, not one of my own.

- Then I'll drive you two home.

- Oh, thanks.

But could you drive me down to Reggie's car?

I'd like to drive it.

Reggie doesn't like to leave it outside?

- All right.

(engine revving) - Any luck Sheriff?

- I'm sorry son, nothing yet.

(lighthearted orchestral music) - I wish there something we could do to help.

Hey, let's take one of Wally's boats and look around, Wally won't mind.

(orchestral music) (water splashing) You know as we were pulling up, I could've sworn I saw somebody walking.

- You must be carried away.

If they were here we'd have seen a boat.

- Look.

(lighthearted orchestral music) I told you I saw somebody, come on.

(orchestral music) (door knock) (orchestral music) - Come in.

Are you looking for someone?

- Oh, we saw a man back there.

We were trying to find him.

- He's gone now.

Can I help you?

- Well, I guess you can.

We were going to ask him if he saw anybody, four kids in a boat around here yesterday.

- I'm sure he didn't.

Neither did I.

You see, we were both inside all day yesterday.

- Do you live here?

- Of course.

Would you like to take a rest?

- No, we better get going.

You see, we're searching the water for our friends.

We think they might've drowned.

- Why, that's terrible.

I hope you find them safe and well.

Are you sure you wouldn't like a sandwich or something before you go?

- No I think not, afraid to anyway.

I bet you don't get many visitors out of here.

- No one ever comes here.

- Oh, well goodbye.

Thanks for the information.

(birds chirping) (orchestral music) (water splashing) (orchestral music) - Hello and welcome back.

Well, Teenage Zombies is everything I said it would be and less.

Isn't it?

- Yes, it is boss.

You were right.

- Yes I was.

- And that's not a good thing in this case, is it?

- Nope.

- So do you have something you'd like to say to the few remaining folks at home are still with us?

- Indeed I do boss.

My friends, are you as concerned about the zombie attack as I am?

If not, you should be because believe me a zombie attack is coming.

- No, no, it's not.

There will be no zombie attack.

- That's what you say, but I hear differently.

We need to all be ready, but are you afraid you won't be either ready or able to fight off a zombie attack when he, a zombie when he comes to attack you?

- Well listen, when I asked if you had anything to say to the folks at home, I was thinking more of a heartfelt apology with a promise to do better in finding movies for the future.

Instead, I get a bunch of nonsense about a zombie attack.

You should think more about good movies and less about zombies, Sapo.

- But boss, I was only thinking about the older folks in these movies playing teenagers.

- We've been through that.

That's just how it was back then.

- I know, I know.

But as you say, these teenagers are a bit long in the tooth, a bit past their sell by date a bit, well, let's just face it old, but they still want to be considered teenagers, right?

So they are going to need some specific products and tools that make them appear young while catering to how shall I say, how should I put it?

The problems of age?

- Of course, instead of focusing on getting better movies, you go off on a wild tangent.

- Okay, older folks, listen to me.

Do you wanna get middle-aged kicks all through the night?

Do you enjoy zooming around in your hot rod with your friends chasing zombies with a right turn signal on for miles and miles, but have the ravages of age and chronic lumbago and maybe even bursitis, made it difficult to sit in the car?

Has a deviated septum ruined your driving game?

Well sit back and relax.

Von Doren Enterprises is proud to present the Von Doren lumbar cushion, just perfect for your souped up machine!

- Is the cushion ergonomically designed?

- It sure is!

Each custom-made cushion is specifically designed and hand-tooled to meet your specific biometric conditions and needs.

- I don't believe that for a minute.

- But let's say what if the zombies try to flee on foot?

What do you do then?

- You let them go and leave them alone.

If they're running away, they're no threat, right?

- Oh no, no.

You better chase them.

And what better choice for footwear are these, other than Von Doren orthopedic running shoes?

- Oh dear Lord.

- Yes, every step, every step you take feels like walking on air, floating on a cloud.

No zombie can outrun you in these wild boys.

You'll run faster than Ralph Bellamy being chased by Hoagy Carmichael.

- Don't you think it's about time to wrap this up?

- Not just yet.

- Oh, no.

- Folks, in order to fight the zombies, you, you have to be able to see the zombies even when they are up close.

And you know about those arm things where you can't see all the time.

So for your all your eye care needs, please consider Von Doren brand bifocals, order now, and this is a special deal and you'll receive our patented Von Doren hearing aid.

Now the glasses and hearing aid, are still in the development stage.

- You know making all these products without proper testing could have a downside.

- No, what's the worst that could happen?

I've buried the articles of incorporation so deeply, no one will be able to find em.

We're not going to get sued.

Middle-aged, teenage angst plays off well boss.

There's money to be made.

- I'm just saying all these products you make could blow up in your face one day, something bad might happen.

- Maybe something bad has to happen to get people to take the threat of zombies seriously!

- Something bad, hey?

Why don't you spend some time thinking about that while we return to Teenage Zombies, here on Nightmare Theatre.

(orchestral music) - What were those snoopers we saw by the water?

- There's some kids looking for their friends.

- I don't like people around here.

There's too much at stake.

- You know people are of no concern, besides I'm the one who has to stay here, not you.

- A slip up now will ruin everything.

- You don't have to worry, I know exactly what I'm doing.

- That's what we're here to find out.

How is the work progressing?

- Very well.

I hope to complete phase three this week.

- Phase three?

You were on that the last time we were here.

- And now it's nearly completed.

What do you expect in four months?

- We expect results.

We must have results in soon.

- Tell me Doctor, what's the chance of finishing the research within six weeks?

- You mean the research, or the actual completion of a perfect capsule?

- I mean the completion of 5,000 capsules, ready to drop.

- I received orders from the East, that we must move in another direction unless your capsules are ready in time.

- You mean, hydrogen bombs?

- Yes.

- Fools.

The stupid fools, what good is land that you can't use or go near for years?

- You know, of course we don't control these things.

- Well, what about it?

Can you speed up the work?

- It is possible, but I've run into a factor that may give us trouble.

Come and see for yourself.

(orchestral music) This is the first capsule that was used on subject one.

It proved much too strong, as the subject died in five hours.

I worked out this highly concentrated buffer and tested it on four separate subjects.

- And the results?

- About zero consistency.

Have a look.

(dramatic music) If you'll notice the subjects are direct opposites.

One has no spark, no desire for anything.

The other teams with rage.

- What about the fellow we saw last month?

His reaction was perfect.

- Ivan, the perfect slave desire to work, perfect health and obeys every command, with half the people on earth with his condition, we'd have the epitome of civilization.

- In the bombing of the United States, how many would turn out like him?

- Not enough to take care of the wild ones.

You couldn't possibly drop the pellets as they now exist.

- Then you must find out what it is about Ivan that produced the effect.

- I've performed every practical test on him.

His body chemistry is basically the same as the rest.

- Well you'll have to figure it out.

- I don't believe it can be done in short time, but there is an alternative.

- What's that?

- It might prove dangerous.

But if time is of the essence, I worked out a formula using a completely different paralyzing agent.

It rushes directly to the nervous system and can be dropped as a gas.

And also it will be difficult to detect in the American Water Systems.

- Is it dangerous to us?

- Not in the way you would imagine, the problem is it can be contracted.

- You don't mean it's not lasting?

- Effective and lasting until someone discovers what would bring the subjects back to normal.

- Can't you do something or strengthen it?

- You want the people alive and strong so they can work and obey the superiors.

If I increase the gas, they'd mostly die.

- But if they cannot think for themselves, how can they possibly reason a counter agent would help them?

- That's where we would have to gamble, at least until we had time to develop a second gas.

- How effective is it?

- I'll give you a demonstration.

Ivan I'm preparing the test, be ready to stand by.

(remote control rings) You'll not be able to see the effect taken by a near-human subject.

(orchestral music) I think you'll agree this one has plenty of fight in him.

(orchestral music) And now we've tamed the savage beast.

Ivan, come and get him.

You can take him to one of the old cages.

- It's amazing.

In a matter of seconds his temper's completely suppressed.

- I won't even have to lock him up anymore.

Although, unlike a man, he's not useful.

After I run some tests, Ivan will destroy him.

(orchestral music) - He appears to have no conscious feeling at all.

- From now on, he'll move exactly as he's directed.

- If only this could be permanent.

- If only we hadn't been betrayed, we'd have the time.

- What are you talking about?

Who betrayed us?

Do you remember Feliz, our contact in South America, the one that helped you with the passport?

- Very well, I last saw him in Buenos Aires.

- The reason that passport looks so good was because it was a legitimate one.

We recently found out, that he was a United States federal agent.

- Where's he now?

- Dead, but we don't know whether or not he had enough time to contact his office about this operation.

- This is the reason for the change in time element?

- If he did talk to the Pentagon, they'd soon find this place.

- Well it's up to you.

If you want to take a chance with what you saw, then I'll hurry along with a final test.

I have for human subjects to use.

- Four humans?

- The friends that those kids you saw outside.

- Are you sure they won't be back?

- I rather doubt it, but if they do, we can handle them.

- We better stay here a few days, just in case.

(orchestral music) - [Woman] Agent (indistinct) is here.

- You send him right in please.

Did you bring everything they found?

- His suitcase contained mostly clothing and personal belongings.

I have all the papers we located, but I'm afraid they don't help much.

He couldn't carry anything of importance with it.

- Is there any chance of finding a body?

- If we do, it probably won't tell us much.

The murderer has undoubtedly checked his clothing.

- Everything addressed to Fillos.

Is that the only name he used?

- He used the name Fillos in Argentina and Mexico.

Even the police in Buenos Aires were unaware of his identity.

- We have other agents in Buenos Aires, why didn't he contact them?

- Colonel, we felt this assignment was the most critical we've ever been on.

We tried to avoid any possible channel of detection, even our own agents.

- Your caution certainly didn't seem to pay off.

- Oh, I suppose you're right.

But we do have one thing, a photograph.

This might lead us to their headquarters.

First we're sending copies of this photo to every law enforcement agency in the country.

Every city, county and state office, will be on the lookout for her.

Second, we'll attack troops and bases in this area and cover the entire state.

And we'll finish there.

We'll move to another until we've covered the Western states, then move Eastward.

- I'll contact General, Monday for additional helicopters in that area.

- With your permission sir, I'd like to also request Marina Navy helicopters and every reconnaissance plane the Air Force has available.

- That's a big order, I hope we can fill it.

- It must be filled.

Do you realize Colonel that if we don't find their base, and stop them now, before they distribute this gas in rivers and water supplies across the nation, we will be able to save at best 20% of the population when they strike.

- Hello and welcome back.

We're certainly proceeding at a breakneck pace here, aren't we?

- Boss, I'm still a little bit confused.

- We all are, everyone watching is confused.

Everyone associated with the film is confused.

- So it's not just me.

- Well, not this time.

- Woo-hoo - That woo-hoo was a bit uncalled for, wasn't it?

- I'm just so happy, that I'm not the only one who is confused.

- Okay, I'll bite.

What are you confused over this time?

- The zombies.

Are the zombies teenagers?

Are the zombies supposed to be fighting the teenagers?

Are the teenagers fighting the zombies?

How do you know who the zombies are?

How do parents know if their dear sweet kids are zombies?

- Well Sapo, those are difficult questions.

It would be great if there was a way for parents to tell if their teens are zombies.

I wish someone would invent a way.

- Someone has boss.

Someone has.

- No.

- At long last troubled and concerned parents can rest easy for there is now a teenage zombie home test kit, specifically made and developed by the good people at Von Doren Industries.

- All right, here we go.

I should've seen this coming.

No way to talk you out of this, is there?

I told you these products were bad ideas.

We can't stop you now?

- Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope.

Nope.

- Let me guess.

You're gonna claim you invented a way for parents to test their teenage kids, to see if they're zombies.

- Well, I didn't invent it all by my self.

I had a lot of help from, well, lets just call them “scientist ” who for various reasons that I don't wanna get into, had to flee their home countries to avoid prisons.

And in some cases, capital punishment, and now they work for us.

- Us, the United States?

- Us, you and me and Mittens.

- We have disgraced international fugitives in our employ?

- A handful, a few.

- Oh boy.

Folks there's no talking him out of this, once he starts getting his dander up, it's best to just let him wear himself out.

- Exactly.

Folks, is your teenager lazy?

Do they lie in bed all day listless and barely moving?

Do they lack direction?

Do they only speak to you in grunts and mumbles?

Have they lost their everliving joy of living?

Do they never listen to you?

Are you finding hidden stashes of brains in your kid's room?

Do they stay in bed all day, listening to Glenn Miller and The Ink Spots?

Are you afraid they might have turned into a zombie?

Well wonder no more, Von Doren Industries.

the limited liability corporation has developed the first at-home zombie test kit, and folks, it's the only zombie test kit personally endorsed by teen icons, Larry Storch and Ferlin Husky.

And now you can know it absolutely certain what type of zombie your child is.

- Sapo, all teens go through a listless lazy phase that doesn't make them zombies and not all zombies eat brains.

Very few of them do.

In fact, I have to say you're not taking a very progressive attitude here.

Zombies are not inherently bad.

It's just wrong to judge all the actions of those of a few.

- That's just what the zombies want you to believe.

But as a parent, you want to be sure.

- Alright, all right, I'll play along.

Tell me how does the kit work?

- Okay, I'm very glad you asked.

Folks, did you know there are over 1000 types of zombies?

- Nope that's not even remotely true.

- Well, I bet there's a bunch.

And as a parent, you want to know exactly what you are dealing with.

And here is all you have to do.

You simply draw a liter of blood from your teen.

- A liter, are you sure?

That sounds like a lot.

- It's a small price to pay, to know the truth.

Isn't it boss?

All you do, is you simply mail in the blood in our custom-made, hand washed jar, and in six to eight weeks, our scientists will mail you a detailed analysis, telling you exactly what type of zombie you have living in your house.

- Wait, wait.

- You want folks to send a liter of blood through the U.S. mail?

- We tried faxing it in beta testing, but it didn't work out.

- Couldn't you have come up with some simple tests, that's like a blood drop or a cheek swab, or maybe even a hair follicle test?

- Hmm, well that probably would have been a better way to do this, wouldn't it?

- Yeah, it would have been much easier and safer.

And let me ask you this, what do you do with all the leftover blood after the tests?

- Oh, that's really kind of my business, isn't it?

It's a sin to be wasteful, isn't it boss?

- Sapo you can't reuse blood.

That's gotta be against the law somewhere.

- So this is the wrong time for me to bring up, Von Doren brand, blood sausages and mashed potatoes frozen dinners?

- Sapo stop.

All this product creation is gonna have a downside.

You're gonna get hoisted on your own petard.

- What does that mean?

- It means you're gonna get what's coming to you, if you don't knock it off.

Folks, I can't take any more of this and I'm sure you can't either.

Let's get back to Teenage Zombies, here on Nightmare Theatre.

(padlock unlocking) - That's it, clean as a whistle.

Come on.

(orchestral music) - Can you get it alright?

- Shhh.

- Oh no, this one's gonna be harder than the other lock.

- Maybe we can help with it.

- Shhh Hurry, hurry he's coming.

- Back up against the wall.

(padlock clicking) (orchestral music) - Hey you.

(padlock unlocking) - Every time he comes here, I'm afraid he's going to open the door.

The way he looks at me.

- I don't think he can do a thing unless he's told to, he must be under some powerful drug.

- Maybe he can hear us when we talk.

- Oh he can hear us, all right.

Look it's a good thing he didn't notice the broken lock.

- He probably won't be back for a while.

You'll have time to open ours.

- No I think we better wait till the last minute.

Well if he notices a broken lock we'll be cooked.

- But now you've got the time.

- Look Julie, getting out out of these, getting out out of these cages is nearly half the battle.

If we can get through that hole and outside, we've got a chance.

But we've still got to get off this island and we can't swim.

- Hey look, look Reg and I can sneak out of here tonight after it gets dark then we can go down by the water and look for the boat, huh?

- If you find it, we'll still be locked up here.

And what happens if you don't find it?

- It's gotta be around here somewhere.

And if there's anyone out there, Skip and I alone will have a better chance of not being seen.

- Yeah.

- Now we'll be back before morning with the boat all set up.

Then we make a run for it, hop on the boat and take off, take off.

- It sounds fine.

Except if anything goes wrong, we're still locked in here.

Can't you fix this lock before you go?

- I don't think we'll be as lucky with that one.

We'll probably have to break it into pieces.

If he comes back here tonight, he'll notice it for sure.

- Hey, look, look when everything's all ready, a little noise won't matter then.

A couple of good whacks and we're all set.

- Reg, be careful out there.

If they see you, they'll pro- - Julie, forget it.

We'll be back before daylight.

And if he catches us, we can't be any worse off than we are right now.

(orchestral music) It's probably dark by now.

Come on.

(padlock unlocking) (orchestral music) Skip, come on.

(orchestral music) (waves crashing) (orchestral music) - The sun's nearly up.

- Yeah.

- So I hate to face the girls.

- If I were in a Channel swimmer, I could make an about 10 hours.

- If we hadn't walked around so much.

We could've build a rack.

Wait a minute.

We could still get a good start on it.

- You know, Skip sometimes you really amaze me.

Come on.

(orchestral music) (wood plank dropping) (orchestral music) (door opens) - Did you find it?

Can we get out of here?

- Well, it's almost daylight.

We'll have to wait.

- But you found the boat?

- No, but it's okay.

We're building a rack.

- A rack?

- It's our only chance.

We'll have it finished tomorrow night, then we take off.

- Hey, we better get inside.

They might be getting up.

- Right?

We better get some sleep.

(padlock locking) - Where's the rack now?

- Oh come on, Reg is right.

Let's get some rest.

- We hit it down by the water.

Just keep your fingers crossed that they don't find it.

(orchestral music) (lightning cracking) (fast-paced rock music) - Look, I'm not saying that Ronnie James Dio is not a great singer- - He is, he is.

- But Black Sabbath was never the same after Ozzy left.

- That he left the band, you're right.

- Wait, here's the curator again, just hold on.

Hello again, everyone.

Welcome down to the sub, sub, sub, sub-basement of the television studio.

Again, here is the mysterious curator and he's brought us another item from the Merrill Movie Museum.

And this one looks like something that we could monkey around with.

Ha-ha, ooh wee!

All right, what is this?

- So this is a maquette, this was done for the 1990- - [Baron] It's a gorilla.

- [Curator] It is a gorilla.

Yes, it is a maquette of a gorilla.

And this was done for the 1990 remake, of the film Mighty Joe Young.

So what they would do with the maquette, is in a film like that, where they're using digitally created effects and they do this a lot in the animation too.

They'll make a 3D model of the character that the artists and the programmers can look at and study.

And so they can kind of get a look at the character from all sides and all dimensions.

So they know if they're shooting from beneath, if they're shooting from above, behind, what that character is gonna look like.

- I'd advise against behind.

- So yeah, Joe's has got a little bit of back there, that's for sure.

But so yeah, so they would make something like this and it would be basically a study model that they could then use to manipulate the character in whatever ways they wanted to.

- So yes Sapo, they can't bring a real gorilla and have him sit, in the room so, they can draw- - That's very hard to do, I know.

- And animate them and that sort of stuff, so they make this instead.

- Yeah, again, not just in live action films, this is very, very commonly done in animation where they will make a three-dimensional study, of the character.

I've seen them on things like, the Justice League animated series, where they've made each of the characters, and then the artists were able to take a look at them, and they know how to draw them, if they're drawing them from behind or if they're drawing them from, a toe-up shot or whatever.

They can look at that character, and get the right perspective.

- It's like an awful lot of work that goes into these.

- Yeah, I mean, you would have an artist that would put their full, artistic skills to use, into visualizing that character.

It's basically a form of pre-visualization, just like storyboards are, or sometimes they do things like rotoscoping, things like that.

It's just another technique that's used for them to be able to, get an idea of what the film is going to look like, before they actually start filming the film.

- It's fascinating to me that gorillas have been in so many films, going back to King Kong.

And even before that in silent films, there were gorillas, but you know the big stars like King Kong, Mighty Joe Young, and the Son of Kong.

All of those kinds of films are made, and then of course this one, the original made in the 1940s and then this one remade in the 90s, which of course we know how Hollywood likes to do.

They like to take old ideas and try to make them new again.

But gorillas are a huge presence in films.

I think people were really fascinated by them because they weren't really considered a real animal until the late 1800s.

So people just thought they were a myth until they actually, Western people laid eyes on them.

Then they said, oh my goodness, these things really exist.

So it's kind of interesting how that's developed over the years in the film, because they were very, very popular at that time.

- People love monkeys.

- Well and something else in that particular film that was maybe the first time a lot of people were laying eyes on someone who is now very popular, Charlize Theron, was the female lead in that film.

- [Baron] Yeah.

- And that was one of her first films.

- Yeah, and she's much better looking than this monkey folks.

- True.

- I'll tell you that right now.

So this is again a fascinating piece.

Obviously, a sculptor came in, did this beforehand.

They'd have to paint it.

They had to do all that stuff.

Just so the animators, would have a reference model for something.

I think it's a really a beautiful piece.

- [Curator] And you can get a little bit of the environment- - [Baron] Yeah right.

- [El Sapo] Yeah.

- [Curator] That Joe would have lived in with the terrain that's under there.

- He lived in the desert.

- [Curator] And if you take a look you can kind of see, there's some rocks and some tree limbs in there.

- A stick.

- That sort of thing.

- Doing some dowsing.

- So this really does kind of set the scene, for that character.

- Right, and for the whole movie really.

'Cause this is your star, guys.

He was a digital creature in the film, but this is your star.

So again, thank you for bringing us such a fascinating piece.

And we're going to get back to the movie, here on Nightmare Theatre.

- Just gonna aim this into you for a little bit.

(phone clicking) - Hello?

Are there sheriff please?

Oh that's right, the Sheriff's office.

Thank you.

- Sheriff's office, Johnson.

- Hello, hello.

This is Morrie Tins.

Yeah, Morrie.

Listen, we were out in the boat today.

We came across something real strange.

We found this island, we think the kids might be there.

- I see.

Look Morrie, I'm due to go out on a call right now.

The sheriff isn't here, so you'd better go see him in his home.

His address is 233 Elwood Road.

Can you find it?

- Well, yeah I guess so.

We're not too far from there.

I'll leave right now and catch him.

Thanks a lot, goodbye.

(orchestral music) (door knock) - Well, hello kids.

Come on in.

- Sorry I had to bother you at home sheriff.

- Well, that's all right, but we still haven't found anything.

- I think we did, not a bullet or anything.

We found something that sure looked funny.

- Oh, what'd you see?

- While we were out there on the water, in this boat we borrowed.

Well we were looking around like you.

Well, we must've gone about 30, 40 miles.

We came to this real weird place.

- It was an island.

- Yeah real strange like.

I didn't even know it was there before.

- That must be Mallard Island.

It used to be some buildings on about 50 years ago.

- That sounds like it.

Well, anyway we thought it was worth looking at.

So we went there and we talked to this woman, and she- - You talked to some woman in Mallard island?

- Yeah, she lived there.

- I can't believe anyone could be living on that old island.

There's no facilities.

- She lives there, all right.

We saw her.

- How odd, why would anyone would pick that place?

Well, what'd she say?

Has she seen anything with the boat or the kids?

- She said she hadn't seen anybody, but we think she was lying.

- Oh, what makes you think that?

- Well, we didn't think too much about it at the time.

We went to look around the water some more, but Dottie brought it up on the way back.

- I'm sure she lied to us sheriff, and she might know something about the kids she's not telling.

- Oh, wait a minute.

If people want to live in isolation, that's their own business.

They have that right.

Don't you jump to conclusions just because this woman may have looked, well a little odd.

- It's not that, it's, well she- - Now look here, you're all upset about this thing and it's a terrible experience, but do you really think that the person, anyone would see your friends and then deliberately say they hadn't?

What possible reason could they have?

- We don't know that's why we came to you.

- I think you both let your imaginations run away with you.

Now I suggest you go home and let me handle this search.

But I have to tell you the truth, I'm not too optimistic about it, after all the area we've covered.

- Have you been out to the island?

- Now, do you actually believe that your friends would go out there and stay this long?

- Well, no, not unless they couldn't get off.

- She lied to us sheriff.

I know she did.

- She told us no one ever came out there.

And as we left, the boat was just arriving.

- Have you kids been home, dare or any place since coming back from out there?

- No, we didn't wanna waste any time looking for you.

- All right we'll get the boat now, ride out there, and have a look around, will that give you any satisfaction?

- Yeah, but what if we won't find anything?

Are you sure you can handle it by yourself?

- I think so, Morrie.

And it's not, I've got a radio in the boat.

(orchestral music) (liquid bubbles) - It'll take a few minutes for the solution to drop to the right temperature before I can combine it.

- Will there be a temperature problem in the water supplies?

Not after I've once set the exact formula, the molecules will spread rapidly and actually become a part of the water.

- And you say it'll only take a few hours to reach the full effect?

- Between one and three hours, the bacteria should be everywhere.

- By that you mean including the nerve gas?

- The pellets can be of any size you think necessary.

Large ones will of course spread more gas rapidly in the essential areas.

- I just hope the effects are as good as we anticipate.

- You won't be disappointed.

I'm about ready for the test, if you'll excuse a second.

Ivan, we're ready for the two girls.

Would you bring them in please?

(door buzzing) (orchestral music) - [Skip] Go on, get out.

Go on.

Come and get me, come on.

Get away from me.

- Skip, hold it.

- Come on - I can't.

- Now is the time.

(women scream) (orchestral music) (women scream) (orchestral music) - They've put them in that room to kill them.

- Oh we can't rush in, they must have guns.

- If only we had gotten out of here last night.

- Hello and welcome back.

- I'm still confused here, boss.

- Okay, you're confused.

The sun keeps shining.

The wind keeps blowing.

The world keeps turning.

Nothing changes.

- Maybe the teenagers aren't the zombies.

Maybe, just maybe the teenagers are supposed to stop the zombies.

Is that possible?

- I mean that could be, I guess.

That was a common theme in movies from the era.

Plucky teens had to save the day and whatnot.

- Maybe we have to come up with a way to train teenagers, to fight zombies.

I've been watching a lot of old war movies and I think I'd make a pretty good drill instructor.

- You would make a terrible soldier.

For example, when they say right face, what are you gonna do?

Do you know your right from your left?

- No, but I've seen every episode of Gomer Pyle, USMC.

I'll figure it out.

- No branch in the military is gonna waste its time, fighting a low-risk threat like zombies.

And they certainly aren't recruiting teenagers.

- That's where you're wrong, boss.

There already is a branch and I'm thinking of enlisting.

And I just happened to have one of their recruiting films, queued up and ready to go.

- [Announcer] Attention teenagers, this great country, the home of the hot rod, the transistor radio, the drive-in theatre, and everything else you hold near and dear is in danger.

America in her time of need looks to you.

Yes, you.

Mr. and Mrs. Teenager.

Now is the time to rise to the defense of your great land to fight the most fearsome foe we've ever faced: Zombies!

The local sheriff is too busy and too square to deal with this problem.

So it's up to you.

We will fight them in the malt shops!

We will fight them in the rowboats!

We will fight them on small islands, a quarter of a mile from the mainland that none of the adults in town seem to know about!

We will teach you powerful zombie-stopping tactics, such as around on the floor and flailing.

We will teach you escape and evasion.

And in the end, we shall prevail.

Joe Teenager, the nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Woo, woo, woo.

See your local Teenage Zombie Army recruiter, and enlist today!

- Well that was just awful.

- But boss, we need to recruit an army of teenagers to fight off the zombie horde.

I'll go call the President right now.

The zombie horde has to be stopped!

- There is no zombie horde!

It's all media hype, caravans of zombies are not attacking us.

And what would you do against zombies?

I defy you to tell me a single thing, a zombie has ever done to you.

- Zombies are bad, boss!

We have to be ready to fight them.

We need every man, every woman we can get, we must all unite to stop the zombies.

If you are not one of us, you are one of them!

Everyone who is not a real human being must be stopped.

- Sapo that's just dangerous.

You know what?

You're right.

I just happened to have my own product in mind.

It's still in testing, mind you, but would you care to see it?

- If it helps fight them brain-snatching zombies.

Yes I would.

- Good deal.

Folks, while I prepare my demonstration of this new product, why don't you get back to Teenage Zombies, here on Nightmare Theatre.

(engine roaring) (orchestral music) - Now gentlemen, if you watch carefully, you'll see the exact effect working on the human system.

Well look who we have here.

How are you Mr. Sheriff?

- Not so good.

I've got a couple of real inquisitive kids here.

I knew there'd be trouble.

- They won't be any trouble.

I think they'll help us instead.

- What's going on here sheriff, who are these people?

- Morrie look, it's Julie and Pam.

- You see, you see she did lie.

The kids are prisoners here.

- Not prisoners.

We prefer to call all of you, our guests.

Ivan.

- Sheriff, do something.

Sheriff?

Come sheriff, let's go.

- They'll do you no good.

The sheriff won't help you.

- I'd like to talk to you doctor.

- Oh certainly sheriff, what is it?

- Look, our deal was that I supply you with drunks and prisoners, but this time you've gone too far.

- These subjects are no different from the ones you brought me.

- Oh, except that they have families that wanna find them.

This search is getting publicity on the outside and I can't control it.

- We can stop you now.

Not for anything.

You have to give us a little more time.

- We'll have to move fast, but we'll need some pieces of pipe or clubs.

- I'll see what I can find.

(orchestral music) - (indistinct) I think we can all relax, and keep our wits about this thing.

After all we haven't been discovered yet, and I don't believe there will be any more people over here.

- What do you think doctor?

- I was never one to complain over a simple problem.

- Simple problem?

Do you realize- - I do realize, and I also understand thoroughly what we're all expected to do.

I'm doing my job out of the same conditions as you, only I don't complain about every problem I run into.

- Very well then.

Perhaps you should appoint someone to take my place.

- Perhaps we will.

- All right, do what you think best.

Let me know what you decide.

- We certainly will.

(gun blasting) (orchestral music) - The fool, didn't they know that none can quit?

- We have to hurry now.

Ivan, take him outside.

(orchestral music) - Where do you want these two?

- Keep them there, they'll serve as a second test.

- Well hello and welcome back.

- Boss orders are coming in for both the test kit and the shoes, oddly enough.

- Well that's nice.

Say, have you ever thought about chasing zombies at night?

- You know, I never thought of that.

That's a whole new market.

They say the freaks come out at night and I'd bet zombies do too.

- Well let me show you what Mittens and I have come up with.

It's a type of flashlight.

- Really?

- Yes, but it also has a beam, that specifically targets zombies.

It paralyzes zombies, but it's harmless to non-zombies.

All you have to do is shine the beam and press another button.

- No kidding.

- Not at all, here let me show you.

See you hold it, like a regular flashlight.

- Like that.

- Do you see this button?

- I do see that, yeah.

- That's the one you push when you aim at zombies.

- Let me see, let me see, let me see.

- Sure, sure.

Feel free to test it out.

The light beam contains a tiny shock, but it won't hurt you.

Here you go.

- Oh wow, it fits right in my hand, doesn't it boss?

So it's on safety right now?

- Sure, I disabled the most critical feature.

- Oh I wanna feel that shock.

I wanna ride the lightning baby!

Is that okay?

Can I test it out on myself?

- Sure, have at it.

Just aim at yourself and press that button.

- This button right here?

- Yeah.

(buzzing sound) - Oh no boss.

Something ain't right.

I don't feel good at all.

- (laughs) Mittens, he fell for it!

I told him there was gonna be a downside to dangerous products.

Let's get back to the movie while Mittens and I laugh at Mighty Joe Stupid here.

(orchestral music) - We've got to move now, before it's too late.

- Go to the door and let the girls out.

(door slams) (orchestral music) - What's that?

(orchestral music) (thumping sound) (man grunts) - Come on.

(thumping sound) (woman moaning) (man grunts) (orchestral music) (coughing) - All right, on your feet.

Come on.

- Hey Reg, let's get the girls out.

Can't open that door.

(liquid bubbling) But she can.

- Come on, come on.

Alright go open that door right now.

- You're keeping cover, Morrie.

- Right.

(door buzzing) (orchestral music) - Their minds are gone, just like the rest.

- You know what?

She knows how to bring them around and she's gonna do it.

Right, get started.

- Started with what?

- You know what I mean.

Something to take care of Julie and Pam.

- There's nothing I can do for them.

- Maybe you'd rather feel a few bullets burn through you.

- Go ahead and kill me, if you like, if that will help them.

Work, you invented this stuff, that figures you can something about it.

- If I could, I wouldn't.

So you're wasting your time.

- Your time is gonna burn out, if you don't do what I say, - Hey, listen Reg.

When that gas is poured on someone, they lose their will, don't they?

- Yeah.

- After that they do as that told.

- Yeah, I see what you mean.

Okay, which way do you want it?

All right then get moving.

Tell them don't go through it.

- Try to fool.

(door slams) - How do you release this stuff?

- Yeah, I think this is it right here.

(orchestral music) I wonder how long it takes to work.

- It looks like it's clear now.

- Let's go.

(orchestral music) - Get back.

Don't you try that again.

(door slams) - All right now, now I let's have it.

Come on.

Now you know what we want.

Come on.

Something that'll fix the girls.

Come on, I'm not kidding.

- Hold it Skip.

- You understand me?

- Hold it.

- I mean it.

- We're doing something wrong.

- You two guys, come over here.

(orchestral music) All right.

If you guys want to stay alive, you better do as we say.

- We couldn't do nothing.

- Tell me how to get through to her.

- I don't know, we're not scientists.

- You know all about this gas though.

- Hey, maybe she's an exception.

What do you say we put one of them in there, huh?

We'll get him to talk.

- Yeah, I'll buy that.

Okay you, let's go.

I said move.

- No wait, I'll tell you.

I don't know exactly which one it is, but if I- - Show us where it is.

(orchestral music) (glass clinking) - I think that's the one.

- What do you mean you think that's the one?

- Well, she, she only mentioned the ones.

I think that's the mixture to counteract the gas.

- Now this might be poison.

- Let's give it to her first.

(liquid bubbling) (orchestral music) (glass breaking) - Just grab Julie quick, follow me.

(orchestral music) Are you all right?

- Pull yourself together.

We have to stop them.

- The police boat, we'll have to put it away with the other boats before they reach it.

(orchestral music) (growling) - It's coming from there.

(growling) (orchestral music) - Well hurry, get it started.

- Come on, we can all fit in here.

- What about the other guy in there?

After the gorilla's finished with him, I doubt if he can make it to the water.

Let's go.

- With pleasure.

(orchestral music) - I picked up Major Coleman, we're about 10 miles in from the airport.

We should arrive at headquarters, in a couple of minutes, over.

- We have two, we're waiting, and four.

The army will be very grateful to you kids.

You know what's funny that the picture of that woman, just arrived this morning.

- You know how bad that sheriff had been here, you wouldn't have seen it at all.

- I guess you're right, Morrie.

I expect a full investigation at this office.

We had a lot of prisoners unaccounted for.

- We saw quite a few men on the island.

I guess they must've been the ones.

- For devils, I hope they can do something for them.

(orchestral music) - I'm Major Coleman, are you Johnson?

- I was placed in temporary charge of the substation.

- From what I understand, the job will be permanent.

These must be the kids that cracked a ring the army couldn't even locate.

- They sure did, sir.

And we're mighty proud of them.

- If we did anything sir, was to save our own neck.

Most of us were scared stiff, most of the time.

- Nonetheless you accomplished it.

And you performed a great service.

This group was the largest menace to United States security, we've ever had.

- Wow, hey you think maybe we'll get a medal, huh?

- Oh there you go.

I swear Skip you remind me of a walking comic book.

(all laughing) - What's wrong with being famous?

I can just see the headlines, "Gold star cited for bravery."

- What gold star?

If you ever get off the bench, I'll personally give you a medal.

- Oh wow Pam, you sure know how to brag, you know.

I was talking about next year.

- I believe there will be rewards for all of you.

In a few days, you'll be going to Washington DC, where you'll be interviewed by the President himself.

In the meantime, if there's anything we can do for you, let us know.

- Major Coleman.

- Yes.

- Did you say you'll do anything we ask, sir?

- If that's at all possible, of course.

Well, sir, I mean Skip and I we sort of... Well sir, there's a secret boat dock somewhere on that island, and we looked and looked for it and I'm gonna flip if I don't see.

Can we go with you when you go to search for it?

I've got something at stake, you know.

My boats there and I've got to get it back.

- Son I'm sure you're perfectly welcome.

Come back in about two hours and we'll be glad to take you with us.

- Thank you, sir.

- Hey, crazy.

What about that?

Well, what do you say we all have a ball, huh?

Let's go water-skiing.

- Yeah, what do we use for a boat?

- Oh yeah, hmm.

- Anybody for horseback riding?

(woman screams cheerfully) (orchestral music) - Well, that was an awful movie.

Wasn't it?

- I don't feel right, boss.

I feel funny.

Not, not, not funny, like when we watch Carrot Top movies, but funny like strange.

- Now calm- - Something ain't right here!

- Calm down, calm down.

I'll get you a bunch of bananas and a tire swing and you'll be fine.

Maybe Mittens can get you an accordion.

You can dance in the street for peanuts.

- No, boss you know tough guys don't dance!

Change me, change me back!

- Well, maybe I could reverse the beam, if you make it worth my while.

Tell me what do we have on tap for next week?

- We have this, boss!

(upbeat drum music) - Oh, Great Gamba, highest- (crowd cheers) supreme, Devil, God of evil.

Make your decision.

(woman screams) - [Narrator] Death is a play thing, when you are caught in The Devil's Hand!

And the devil's play thing is devastating.

- You'll never escape me, darling.

Is he really her willing victim or a person possessed?

- Spin the wheel.

- That knife is sent to kill.

(crowd screams) - That looks awful.

Sapo you better learn to ride a bike and find a circus, monkey boy, 'cause I'm not turning you back.

Folks, hope you can join us next week, but until then, may all your dreams be nightmares.

(fast-paced rock music) (lightning cracking)