In late Victorian London lived many detectives who were the rivals of Sherlock Holmes.

[ Hooves clopping ] [ Man shouting indistinctly ] Parrot!

Mrs. Chalmers arrived yet?

PARROT: No, sir.

Well, when she comes, you're to show her in directly.

PARROT: Yes, sir, at once.

Ah, you got one, I see.

Well, come in.

Come in, man.

Let's have a look.

[ Exhales ] Are you thinking of taking up the sport, sir?

DORRINGTON: Whatever gave you that idea?

Well, I'm told the exercise is very beneficial, sir.

Oh, to you, Farrish, that's just a means of taking exercise.

Well, that's the difference between us.

To me, that ungainly-looking object is something on which fortunes are made every day of the week!

Look here.

This -- or something very like it, even its components -- bought this man his yacht, that man his villa in the south of France, made this young moron a millionaire.

Bigger fools than you, Farrish, if such a concept's possible, have turned these things into racehorses, titles, wealth beyond the dreams of avarice.

Prospectuses come thudding in with every post.

Why, you can't pick up a newspaper these days without broken columns screaming at you.

Tires, bicycles -- I tell you, they're the new gold rush.

But caveat emptor, Farrish, caveat emptor.

Oh, quite, sir.

I'm not your ordinary, gullible member of the public.

I'll see the goods, thank you, before I'll commit.

This, now -- to read about it, you'd think it was Mercury's chariot, wouldn't you?

"The Avalanche Bicycle & Tyre Company Limited proudly present a new machine, a new champion, a brand-new opportunity for you."

And what's the truth, eh?

A very mundane machine, wouldn't you say?

Apart from that rather gaudy transfer, I can see nothing to distinguish it.

-[ Knock on door ] -Well?

Mrs. Chalmers.

Ah, yes.

You're handling an inquiry from the Indestructible Bicycle Company, aren't you?

That's right, sir, yes.

Why have I not seen your report?

Well, it's very small beer, sir.

I just didn't think you'd want to be bothered with it.

Not for the first time, Farrish -- nor, I daresay, the last -- you're much mistaken.

Have you delivered it to the company yet?

FARRISH: Not yet, sir, no.

Good.

You will bring it to me when I've seen Mrs. Chalmers, and I shall take it round myself.

Now, out, out.

Farrish.

Sir.

I don't want my office cluttered up with your junk.

Kindly remove it!

-Mr. Dorrington.

-Dear lady.

-Have you been able to -- -Yes, yes.

But sit down, please.

[ Sighs ] It is so dreadful.

Well, pray, don't distress yourself.

I cannot imagine how that man got hold of my letters.

He stole them.

It's a nightmare.

-Now happily... -You mean -- DORRINGTON: ...over.

How can I ever thank you?

To see your smile restored is thanks enough.

CHALMERS: How did you manage it?

I'm afraid I had to part with money for them.

Oh.

Well, what does money matter against my reputation?

I hate to see a blackmailer profit, but in the circumstances -- If my husband had found out -- Quite.

How much?

He wouldn't take less than 200 guineas.

I'd have paid double gladly.

-You would?

-Gladly.

Then there's the matter of my fee.

CHALMERS: Of course.

So, shall we say 300 guineas, altogether?

Will you take a check?

I shall treasure it.

Make it out "cash."

To Dorrington & Hicks?

Just Dorrington, if you please.

In a matter of such delicacy, I deemed it best not even to consult my partner.

You're wonderfully discreet.

One does one's best.

-There.

-Thank you.

Thank you.

Without you, I could never have held up my head in society again.

Ah.

I shall be indebted to you for the rest of my life.

Think nothing of it.

Thank you.

It has been a pleasure to deal with you, Mr. Dorrington.

Dear lady, the pleasure's mine.

Believe me.

[ Door closes ] Parrot!

Cash this, and rather quickly, would you, just in case she finds out that I stole those letters from her tormentor.

You mean you didn't buy them back?!

You're pulling faces, Parrot.

The upshot is that I've rescued a rather stupid woman from the consequences of her folly, and we're both quite happy about it.

-[ Sighs heavily ] -Parrot.

Ask Farrish to come in, would you?

It may require some explanation, sir, if you're not familiar with the background.

Oh, good, excellent.

Come in.

And be so good as to close the door.

So, sit down.

Calm down.

Here, have a cigar!

Oh, thank you, sir.

-I think I should -- -Shh!

Yes, well, that seems clear enough.

Now tell me about the background.

Well, you see, sir, the first development -- My dear fellow, I'm not about to embark upon the definitive history of the wheel.

So keep it brief and to the point, will you?

I merely need to know enough not to appear a total ignoramus when I present this wholly excellent report of yours to the chairman of the Indestructible Bicycle Company, Mr. Paul Mallows.

Well, this is first-rate.

Admirable, if I may say so.

It's clear, concise, and tells us just exactly what we want to know.

I'm only sorry Mr. Mallows wasn't here to thank you in person.

DORRINGTON: Oh, don't say that.

No, I mean, after you taking all the trouble of coming round here personally.

Well, if Mr. Mallows had been in, I shouldn't have had the pleasure of meeting you.

Well, that's uncommonly handsome of you.

Do you?

Oh, thank you!

I say!

That's a handsome case.

Mm, yes, yes.

It's a present from a grateful client -- Fabergé, I believe.

Ooh, he must have been grateful.

Oh, he had reason to be, I assure you.

I don't think I've seen this brand before.

I'd be very vexed if you had.

They're exclusively imported, specially rolled for me.

Well, if you're going to do things, really indulge yourself, there's no sense in doing it by halves.

[ Coughs ] Slightly fuller leaf than the general run of Havanas.

To your liking?

Oh, yes, indeed.

Very good.

Good.

A little ostentatious for my taste.

There it is.

You know, it's one of the anomalies of life that you can't get a small cigar which will draw well.

Ralph, I -- Oh, I beg your pardon.

I thought you were alone.

I've just ripped my finger against the handle of my brougham door.

The screw sticks out.

Have you a piece of sticking plaster?

Well, here is some court plaster.

I always carry some.

It's handier than ordinary sticking plaster.

How much do you want?

Oh, thanks, just an inch or so.

Ah.

Oh, here you go.

-There.

-Ah.

-Oh, allow me.

-Oh.

Ah.

Oh, this is Mr. Dorrington of Messrs. Dorrington and Hicks.

Mr. Dorrington, our chairman, Mr. Paul Mallows.

Oh, sir, I -- uh -- How do you do?

[ Laughter ] There.

Quite comfortable?

Thank you, thank you.

There's a moral in it, you know?

The bicycle's the safest thing, after all.

Dangerous things, these broughams.

Ah, you younger men, you younger men -- you can afford to be active.

We elders -- Can afford a brougham, huh?

Just so.

[ Both laugh ] Oh, the bicycle does it all.

A wonderful thing, the bicycle.

[ Laughing ] Yes.

You know, Mr. Dorrington's been kind enough to look into that patent business for us himself.

Indeed?

And very thoroughly, if I may say so.

Oh, that's very good of you.

Well, it's the least I could do.

After all, at the end of the day, a truly personal service is all we can offer that gives us the edge over our rivals.

Oh, well, I wouldn't put it so bluntly, but there's something in that.

All the same, for the senior partner of a firm such as yours to have taken all this trouble over what, to you, must be a relatively trivial matter.

If the mountain doesn't come to Muhammad sometimes, well, Muhammad might stop coming to the mountain, and then where would we be?

Quite so, Mr. Dorrington.

Well, I am extremely obliged by your careful personal attention to this matter of the patent, but we may leave it with Mr. Stedman now, I think.

In good hands, I'm sure.

Oh!

No doubt you will let us have a note of your firm's charges?

-In due course.

-Then good day to you, sir.

And I hope soon to have the pleasure of doing business with you again.

DORRINGTON: So do I, Mr. Mallows.

Take care of that finger, won't you?

Be careful the plaster doesn't fray, when washing your hands, for instance.

Ah.

[ Laughs ] [ Chuckles ] Well...

Yes, I must be off, too.

STEDMAN: Oh, where are you going?

I mean, I thought perhaps we could go part of the way together.

Well, why not accompany me?

It'll do you nothing but good, I assure you.

I wouldn't have thought you went in for this.

Oh, yes, in my line of country, one needs to keep in shape.

I expect you do most of the work in that office of yours?

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Well, you don't have to.

Mr. Mallows is very highly regarded in the trade.

Oh, I don't doubt that.

After all, yours is a very well-established company.

Oh, rather.

Yes, we've been in the front rank now for, oh -- getting on for 20 years, I suppose.

-That's quite something.

-Oh, indeed, it is.

Especially with the competition getting stiffer every year.

Oh, believe me, I didn't mean to criticize your founder and chairman.

No, I merely meant that I imagine he must be content to be something of a figurehead these days, putting a good deal of the day-to-day responsibility onto younger heads and shoulders, I shouldn't wonder.

Well... Oh, come, Mr. Stedman, your loyalty does you credit.

I like you the better for it, but I've knocked about a bit, you know?

I flatter myself I'm a fair judge of man, and well.

Well, I won't pretend I'm not flattered.

But I owe a great deal to Mr. Mallows.

Oh, I don't doubt it.

He gave me my first job, you know.

Really?

What did you do before?

Well...

I used to race a bit.

Of course!

I knew the name was familiar.

Oh, do you follow it?

Yes, I was very keen.

As a matter of fact, I still am.

You made quite a name for yourself, didn't you?

Oh, well, I was never really in the top rank.

All the same, yes, it's coming back to me now.

It was a long time ago.

Cycle racing's a young man's sport.

Oh, come, you're not that long in the tooth.

Well, perhaps not.

Might have been different if I thought I was gonna be a world-beater.

As it was, I chucked it in, oh, three years ago, which is when Mr. Mallows took me on.

I used to ride for him, you see.

And now you're secretary of the company.

Not such a bad judge of men, am I, after all?

Oh.

Tell me, what do you know about the Avalanche Company?

STEDMAN: They're going public on Monday.

Yes, making quite a splash about it, too.

I had a copy of their prospectus in the post this morning.

You and everyone else in town.

You don't think it's all it's cracked up to be, perhaps?

Well, I can't say.

And of course I don't like to knock a competitor.

But they seem to have got a business together in no time.

And that's bad?

They want a rare lot of capital.

[ Grunts lightly ] And then that prospectus -- I can't say I was very impressed with the noble lords who had lent their names to it.

Yeah, well, that's just window dressing.

Yes.

You'll know more about this than I would, but I should imagine the technical people there know their job.

Oh, well, I've been in this business a long time one way and another, and I've never heard of any of them before.

Is that so?

I'll tell you the thing that surprised me -- those works in Exeter they advertise.

Well, it's a charming place, the cathedral especially, and splendid fishing, too, but I'd never thought of it as being a hub of the cycle trade, if you'll forgive the pun.

[ Both laugh ] Well, it hasn't been up till now.

So you wouldn't recommend your friends to plunge in, eh?

Just so.

Oh, they'll get their capital, most of it.

Almost any cycle or tire company can get subscribed just now, and this Avalanche affair is both.

And well-advertised.

Well, you know.

The lads pulled up a couple of races on their machines, and they've been booming it for all they're worth.

If they could screw him up to beat our man Gillet and win the 50-mile race on Saturday, that'd give them a boost.

And just at the right moment, too.

Yeah, it won't happen, though, barring accidents.

Gillet's never been beaten over that distance.

Lant will give him a run for his money.

It'll be a race worth watching, I can tell you.

I should like to see it.

Oh, well, why don't you?

Be my guest.

-Work permitting.

-Oh, of course.

-But think about it, do.

-I shall.

In fact, perhaps you'd care to run down to our track after dinner this evening and watch Gillet training.

Awfully interesting with all the pacing machinery and everything.

What a delightful idea.

Look, I'll tell you what -- why don't you have dinner with me and then we can both run out there together?

STEDMAN: Oh, no.

As you please.

Oh, it's not that.

It's just -- Well, I didn't mean to suggest imposing on you.

Well, you didn't, did you?

Shall we say the Garrick at about 6:00?

STEDMAN: Well, if you're sure.

There, that's settled.

I look forward to it.

I say, that really is awfully decent of you.

My pleasure.

Hey, look, here -- you mustn't overdo this, you know, not if you're out of practice.

No.

[ Chuckles ] I think I'll go and have a shower.

Splendid dinner.

Yes, not bad, as club food goes.

I was mighty impressed.

It does smack of the mausoleum at times, but one can't help have an affection for the place.

[ Chuckles ] [ Hooves clopping ] You know, I really think I could develop a taste for these.

Well, why not?

Well, I can't afford it, for one thing.

Well, you will be able to.

I'm confident of it.

I wish I were.

Meanwhile, you must allow me to send you a box.

Oh, dear, you must think I'm a fearful scrounger.

-Stuff and nonsense!

-I only meant -- No, I insist.

Now, there's an end to it.

Well, that's very kind of you.

So, you don't think the Avalanche good business as an investment, eh?

No, no, no, don't -- don't touch it.

There are better things than that coming along presently.

I should like to know them.

Oh, well, perhaps I can put you in for something, you know, a bit later.

That's very good of you.

But don't be in a hurry.

That's my advice.

What is it exactly you don't like about this Avalanche issue?

[ Sighs ] Well, there's too much booming being done just now.

Booming.

Yeah, all sorts of rumors, you know, of their having something up their sleeve.

Mysterious hints in the papers and all that, as to sensational and revolutionary developments which they have in hand.

And they're not true?

Oh, perhaps.

Perhaps not.

[ Birds chirping ] [ Hooves clopping ] Ah, here we are.

-Oh, after you.

-Oh, no, after you.

Here, cabby!

Oh, let me.

Oh, it's done now.

Keep the change!

[ Chuckles ] Those are the pacers.

Five against one, eh?

Seems a trifle unfair on your man.

Oh, it's not a race.

You'll see how it works when they start.

Hello!

Gentlemen, may I introduce my guest, Mr. Horace Dorrington of Dorrington & Hicks?

-Good evening.

-Evening.

STEDMAN: This is Johnny Fielder, our groundsman and trainer... Good evening to you.

Pleased to meet you, I'm sure.

...and Robin Sparks, the sporting correspondent on the Gazette.

Hello, old man.

Good evening, young man.

STEDMAN: And Arthur Barratt of the Cyclists' Union.

How do you do?

Come to see fair play, eh?

Well, there are rules and regulations, you know.

Ha!

Don't be such a stuffed shirt, Arthur.

"Arthur," indeed.

Young pup.

Yes, he does seem to be the embodiment of the adage that the fact that they'll grow out of it is all there is to say in favor of some youths.

[ Laughter ] Where is the great Gillet?

Demonstrating the fact that he is the great Gillet.

Yes, keeping us hanging about here half the night.

Well, he won't be exercising tomorrow.

Thank God.

This will be his last real spin.

He'll be resting up tomorrow for Saturday's race.

MALLOWS: That'll do.

That'll do!

Hello.

Here comes the governor.

He doesn't often come down here these days.

-Ah, Fielder.

-Sir.

-Arthur.

-Paul.

Now, let me see.

Mr. Sparks, isn't it, from the Gazette?

That's right.

Still keeping an eye on the old firm, are you?

Well, I only asked.

-Hello, my boy.

-Evening, sir.

You remember Mr. Dorrington, don't you, sir?

Yes, indeed.

Mr. Stedman was kind enough to invite me down to watch your man in training.

MALLOWS: Good.

You don't object?

Well, no, why on earth should I?

On the contrary, I hope you find it interesting.

DORRINGTON: Thank you.

You don't need any more court plaster, do you?

[ Laughter ] Oh, no, thank you.

It seems to be standing up remarkably well.

Well, what are we waiting for, hmm?

Oh, it's the usual, sir.

Oh, dear me.

Well, the man is an artist in his own field.

I suppose we have to bear with these occasional displays of temperament, hmm?

Occasional?

-That's all he knows.

-Now, then.

Now, then.

-Well, if you want my opinion -- -We'll ask for it.

When it comes to bitching, the sporting fraternity leave actresses standing.

Only, in my experience, outdistanced by the gentlemen of the press.

-[ Laughter ] -Thanks very much.

I say.

That was telling him.

Ah.

At last.

Let's have you on your marks, then, lads.

Well, well, if it isn't the governor.

We don't often see you slumming these days.

Protecting your investment, are you?

Or couldn't you sleep?

A simple gesture of solidarity.

I tell you one thing -- I'll be in to see you on Monday, and we'll have a little chat about upping my retainer when I've broken the 50-mile record.

No messing about.

-Hello, Sparkie.

-Cheers.

What are you doing down here?

Come to write your story of how I won the big race in advance?

I'll do that when I've seen you first past the post on Saturday.

What do you think I'm gonna do, fall off?

[ Laughter ] This is Mr. Horace Dorrington, of Dorrington & Hicks, Frank.

-Is it, now?

-How do you do?

Well, I can't hang about here, chatting, can I?

Here, catch.

Well, let's have it, then.

[ Clears throat ] Bleeding prima donna.

-Are you right, then?

-Right.

[ Whistle blows ] Speed him up on the tandem!

Right!

Drop back now!

Take over the lead on the second tandem!

Change!

Faster!

Change again!

Come on!

You're not paid to sit there freewheeling!

Faster!

Faster, I said!

Look at that action.

You've got to hand it to him.

Not an ounce of power wasted there.

Did you ever see more regular ankle work?

Did anyone ever sit a machine quite so well?

There's not a movement anywhere above the hips.

Oh, it's a wonderful style, a wonderful style, really!

You see that?

-By jingo!

-Hey, fantastic!

No one can get near him!

I hate the bastard!

But he does ride like an angel.

I've got to admit that.

You think he'll win on Saturday, then?

-Win?

-He'll waltz it!

And God help us the airs and graces he'll treat us to then, the swine that he is.

Come on, now!

Let's see you race!

No more doodling about!

Race, I say!

[ Spectators screaming ] That's torn it!

You all right, lads?

His arm's broken -- badly, too, or I'm a Dutchman.

That's him out of Saturday's race.

How did it happen?

If I knew who'd done this, I'd pulp him to bits with it.

It couldn't be an accident, I suppose.

Accident?

Use your wits!

A man doesn't put a chair on a track in the dark and leave it there by accident.

Here, Fielder, lock the gates.

Then run and fetch the surgeon while we see who's about.

Good thinking, Ralph.

Now, look, I want every corner of these grounds searched.

-Right.

-Come on.

MALLOWS: Well, Mr. Dorrington, you're a detective.

I will give £50 gladly -- more, £100 -- to anyone who will find out who put that chair on that track.

It might have ended in murder.

Some wretched bookmaker, I shouldn't wonder, who's taken too many bets on Gillet.

As I've said a thousand times, betting nowadays is the curse of all sport.

[ Indistinct conversations ] Has he said it a thousand times?

At least.

He's got a bee in his bonnet about betting and bookmakers.

What do you think?

Well, I'm damned sure, between you and me, that the Avalanche people have had a hand in this.

It stands to reason.

I mean, there's precious little betting done on cycle races.

There might be a bit on the day, but I've never heard of anyone making a heavy book first.

Whereas the Avalanche people are playing for high stakes.

That's right.

The 50-mile record's due to go.

It's fairly low.

And with Gillet out of the way, Lant will be set-fair to win and break it.

Which won't do them any harm on the very eve of going public.

Can't you just see it?

I mean, here's a man who's been in the bottom rank till now, and, suddenly, on one of their machines, he not only wins the 50-mile race but breaks the world record.

It'll be worth thousands to them, and not just for the first issue, either.

I don't follow you.

Well, don't you see?

With Gillet out of the way for the rest of the season, Lant will have the field to himself on anything over 10 miles, at any rate.

Their shares will soar.

And someone will make a pretty profit on trading in them.

Oh, I tell you -- to me, this whole thing's bloody suspicious.

Could you find me a lantern?

Well, I should think so.

Why?

I'd just like to check the scene of the crime, now there's no one about.

After the governor's £100, are you?

Oh, that's not important.

But if I can do you a good turn, who knows?

One day you may be in a position to do me one.

Hang on a moment.

Here.

Thanks.

Oh, that's the surgeon.

How is he?

Well, no change yet.

He's beginning to come round.

[ Indistinct conversations ] Yes, it's a... [ Indistinct conversations ] Find anything?

Nothing to speak of.

Well, I'll tell you one thing.

It must have been the work of an outsider.

What makes you think so?

Well, Arthur Barratt's above suspicion.

And Sparks?

What would he get out of doing a thing like that?

A story.

Well, I know he's ambitious, but you don't seriously think he'd go to those lengths?

It's my way, Ralph -- if I may call you that -- to proceed into the probable by way of examining the possible.

Well, I must say it strikes me as a bit improbable.

Mm?

But everyone else in this room is directly interested in Gillet's welfare.

Apparently.

Well, that's that.

Compound fracture.

Our man won't be riding again this season.

Do you remember what I said about rewarding anyone who could discover the perpetrator of this outrage, Mr. Dorrington?

DORRINGTON: Yes, sir.

Well, I was excited at the time, but I quite hold to it.

This is a shameful business.

DORRINGTON: Oh, indeed it is.

I hear you've been looking about the grounds.

Did you perhaps find anything?

Nothing very much in the way of clues, I'm afraid, but I'll think about it.

Oh, please do.

Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to pay you that reward.

I beg you not to rest until you've found the culprit.

My hand on it.

Well, now, if you'll excuse us, Ralph here and I have to go and see what we can do to stave off the effects this outrage is likely to have on our business.

Naturally.

-Good night.

-Good night.

Oh, I'll send those cigars over in the morning.

-Ohh.

-No question of it.

Well, thanks again for the dinner and everything.

Farrish!

Parrot!

Where do you think you two are off to?

I was just about to escort Miss Parrot home, sir.

Indeed?

Well, I hate to stand in the way of cupid's dart, but she's not going home yet awhile.

And as for you, you're taking the next train to Exeter.

-Exeter, sir?

-Look it up.

-Have we any bill stamps about?

-Yes, sir.

Good, I want a bill stamped and made out in the sum of £10,000 pounds, payable to me or to my order six months after date.

Leave the date and the name of the signatory blank.

Quick as you can!

But the only one's in half an hour, sir.

Then you'd best run for it, hadn't you?

Find out all you can about these works -- length of lease, in whose name, state of premises and business.

Telegraph your findings to me, poste restante, Birmingham, main post office, not later than 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

But the train doesn't get in to Exeter till 2:00 in the morning, sir.

You won't get there at all if you stand there arguing.

Ah, good.

I suppose I couldn't ask what all this is about.

You suppose aright.

[ Chuckles ] You can go home now, Parrot.

Thank you, sir.

And at 8:00 tomorrow morning, you will be outside the house of Mr. Paul Mallows, 58 Upper Sandown Place.

You will follow him, and you will telegraph your findings to me, poste restante, to Birmingham, main post office, what he does between leaving home and, as I think he will, catching the 10:10 to Birmingham.

Why Birmingham?

Because that's where I shall be... waiting for him.

[ Hooves clopping ] [ Man shouting indistinctly ] Euston, cabby, and double fare if we make the 10:10 to Birmingham!

-You again?

-Oh, the feeling's mutual.

I will say you look more human than you did first thing.

Oh, dear lady, the knowledge that I've gained your approval gladdens my heart!

Oh, get on with you.

Here's that other telegram you was expecting.

Ah.

Good news?

The best.

Oh, I am glad.

I should like to say, dear lady, it's been a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Honesty, alas, forbids it.

[ Footsteps approaching ] [ Whirring ] Good afternoon!

Well, sir, and who are you?

I...

I am Mr. Paul Mallows.

You may have heard of me in connection with the Indestructible Bicycle Company.

And who are you?

I am Mr. Maurice Marsh, the owner of this factory.

And what may be your business?

I did think of buying shares in this company.

I suppose there'd be no objection to the chairman of another company buying shares in it?

-No.

-Of course not.

I was sure you wouldn't think so.

Oh, and by the way, will you have another piece of court plaster now?

See?

I have it here for you.

Oh, come, come, don't be frightened.

I admire your cleverness, Mr. Mallows, and I shall arrange everything pleasantly.

As for the court plaster, if you'd rather not have any, you needn't!

Ah!

You have on another piece now, in any case, I see.

What do you want?

Man alive, I'm not gonna cut your throat!

But first I want my reward.

What reward?

The £100 you promised if I discovered who placed that chair on the track.

Well, I have done!

But how?

I mean, who?

"Who"?

Oh, come!

Don't let's waste time.

Yourself, of course.

Damn it, sir, how dare you?

I can't abide bluster.

£100, please.

I'm not to be bounced like this!

What proof do you have?

Suppose I have none.

Suppose I merely publish abroad that you, Mr. Paul Mallows, alias Marsh -- Oh, and I like that, too.

Marsh, Mallows -- that's good!

I like a man with a sense of humor.

Suppose I publish abroad the fact that you are the moving spirit behind this shoddy adventure.

Well, if you put it like that -- Oh, as it happens, I have ample proof.

The fact is, Mr. Mallows, you are much too clumsy with your fingers.

You tear your finger opening your brougham door, you borrow a piece of court plaster from me, and you're careless enough to let a thread of it get carried away by a nut on that chair which you pitched onto the track!

Still, I suppose you must have been nervous.

-See here.

-Hmm?

I found it last night.

Now will you give me that £100?

Well, uh, then I must, I suppose.

[ Laughs ] Oh, so much for that.

Though I must say you're not paying with all the pleasure and delight which you spoke of at the time.

-But I'll forgive you.

-Here.

There, that little hors d'oeuvre is disposed of.

Now let's proceed to business.

Oh, my dear chap, don't look so ashamed of yourself.

You were merely disposed for a side flutter, weren't you?

Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

Everybody does that.

And there's a great deal of money going.

Precisely, and since everybody does it and there's a great deal of money going, then you're entitled to your share, aren't you?

Well... Well, of course you are, and I'm exactly of the same mind.

So we're evidently a pair and naturally intended for one another.

But I want you to understand that I have gone every step of the way by fair work.

First, the thread.

On the strength of that, I sent my long-suffering assistant, Farrish, to Exeter, where, he tells me, your works consist of a deserted cloth mills with nothing on it of yours but a signboard and only a deposit on rent paid.

Next, my other assistant wires me a report of your makeup adventure this morning.

Clarkson does it wonderfully well, doesn't he?

You see, the telegram which brought you here was not from your confederate as perhaps you fancied.

I took the liberty of summoning you here myself.

What for?

DORRINGTON: Well, business, strictly business.

-What else?

-State it.

Oh, I shall.

I shall.

Never fear.

You'll find me frank to the last.

It would appear that you intend to offer the public the very rottenest bicycle company that ever existed.

You hire a professional cyclist.

You go to really rather extreme lengths to ensure that he becomes a champion on the machine, which, no doubt, you had specially made by another firm.

Ah!

The Indestructible, perhaps!

[ Chuckles ] While for ordinary sales, I imagine you buy in bulk -- so much a hundred -- and jolly them up with this rather arresting transfer and hope to sell them at a fat profit when Lant, on the very eve of going public, wins the 50-mile race.

And by the time they fall to bits, you've skipped, leaving a few dummies and the wretched shareholders to stand the racket, if there is one, while you, greatly enriched, remain unsuspected, a man of account in the trade all the time.

Isn't that about the size of it?

Well, yes, that was the notion, since you speak so plainly.

And it shall be the notion.

Oh, everything shall be exactly as you planned, with one exception, which is you'll now divide your plunder with me.

You?

But -- But I've only just given you £100!

Oh, come, Mr. Mallows, don't be vulgar.

We're not talking in hundreds now, but thousands, and not one, either, but several.

This is blackmail!

There's a word I don't care for.

MALLOWS: Well, isn't it?

You admit to having planned a scandalous robbery.

Well, yes, more or less.

If I refrain from exposing it, I shall be promoting it, shall I not?

Well, I suppose you could say that.

Very well, then.

I want paying for it.

Ohh, that's circular logic.

Have you no moral sense?

Can I shut my eyes and allow your iniquity to go on unchecked without getting anything in the way of damages for myself?

Perish the thought!

How much?

We are to be respectable brothers in rascality.

-Well, if you say so.

-Oh, I insist.

So, we shall divide as brothers fairly.

-What do you call fairly?

-Half and half.

-What?

-I shall want a guarantee.

I have a bill at six months for £10,000.

All it requires is your signature.

Over my dead body!

If necessary.

When a satisfactory division has been reached, you can have the bill back.

I won't even charge you for the stamp.

Half is out of the question.

Oh, I do hope not... for your sake.

But after all the trouble and worry and risk I've had -- Look, I've only to raise a finger for that to put you in jail.

But, hang it, be reasonable!

I'm being extremely reasonable!

Ohh, you're a mighty clever man, and you've got me on the hip, as I admit!

Oh, my patience, while great, is not inexhaustible.

Say 20%.

Oh, come, you're wasting time!

You can have half or nothing and go to jail into the bargain.

Choose.

-Just consider -- -Choose.

Really, I want that money more than you think!

For the last time, choose!

[ Grumbling ] If I must, I must, I suppose.

But I warn you.

You may regret it.

Oh, you just sign there, and I'll do my best not to be pessimistic.

There.

That's done.

You've won, fair and square.

Oh.

I won't grumble anymore.

Now, since we're brothers in rascality, as you put it, perhaps you'd care to make a fraternal tour of the works.

Hmm?

[ Chuckles ] There's not a lot to it.

And you've already worked out the basic operation for yourself.

Ah!

Yeah, but this does represent quite a considerable capital investment.

-It's an oven.

-Ah!

You see, the frames and various parts hang on those racks up there, where the enamel is laid on.

And then all these gas jets -- Do you see?

-- are lighted, to harden it by heat.

Well, now it's half yours, you might take a bit of interest.

Look, the gas jets, yeah?

Ohh!

Let me out!

MALLOWS: I warned you!

I warned you you might regret it!

[ Gas hissing ] Well, how long do you think it'll be now before I get that bill back, eh?

Between the gas and the lack of oxygen, I'd say a matter of minutes, wouldn't you?

Unless, of course, you light a match and blow yourself up.

That's your choice.

You're very quiet all of a sudden.

Or are you reviewing your past life, as they say a drowning man does?

[ Chuckles ] Or are you already unconscious?

[ Coughing ] [ Gasping ] Try to kill me, would you?

Try to drown me in gas, would you?

Well, I'll tell you!

I've drowned men in water for less, much less!

No, please!

There's no more honor between thieves now!

-Mercy!

-"Mercy," is it?

I'll give you mercy!

You shall have anything you want!

Oh, it's too late for that now.

By the time I've done with you, I shall drag you out of here, and I shall proclaim you!

And I'll present that bill!

You'll rue the day you tried to best me!

You see if you don't!

Aah!

[ Gas hissing ] Stop there, unless you want to blow us both up!

Is this another one of your tricks?

It's the gas, Dorrington.

Don't you see?

If -- If it reaches the -- the light from that lamp... [ Breathing heavily ] You have a point there.

And so...it's stalemate, do you see?

Is it?

-Here, catch!

-Aah!

Why, Mr. Dorrington, whatever happened to your face?!

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

Well, what's the matter with you two?

Haven't you got enough work?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, well, we were just discussing this Avalanche business, sir, you see?

It's all over the papers.

The explosion, sir.

The issue of shares withdrawn.

Their man, Lant, booed off the track.

And poor Mr. Mallows...killed.

[ Clicks tongue ] Still, it does mean a step up for Mr. Stedman, doesn't it?

FARRISH: So the rumor goes, sir, yes.

Which reminds me.

I promised I'd send him a box of my cigars.

Run it over to him, would you, with my compliments.

In fact, on second thought, perhaps two boxes would be more appropriate.

At once, sir.

Oh, well, if there's nothing else, sir.

Ah, yes.

File this, would you, Parrot?

-But Mr. Mallows -- -Just do as you're told.

Who knows?

We may think about presenting it when we see how Mr. Mallows' estate cuts up.

Yes, sir.

[ Knock on door ] There's a Lady Jameson to see you, sir.

Oh, she won't say what it's about, but apparently Mrs. Chalmers recommended you to her.

Well, don't just stand there!

Show her in!

Show her in at once!

Mr. Dorrington.

Lady Jameson, this is indeed a pleasure, a privilege and a pleasure.

Thank you, Parrot.

Now... Kitty Chalmers spoke highly of you.

Another charming lady.

Allow me to have your cape.

Will you sit down?

Please.

Will you take a glass of Madeira?

Yes.

Uh, no!

[ Sighs ] I don't know.

A rare old Sercial, recommended by no less an authority than Dr. Banting himself.

The merest thimbleful, in that case.

Thank you.

How to begin?

Well, let's see if I can help you.

Have we perhaps been the least bit indiscreet.

It's all over and done with.

Oh, just so, yes, and now some blackguard is threatening to rake up the past.

Alas, yes, but how did you -- How very unfortunate for you.

But don't worry.

I have a good deal of experience in these matters.

In fact, I think I can say, with all due modesty, you couldn't have put yourself in better hands.