INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS Thank you very, very much.

LIVELY CHATTER LAUGHTER Cheers!

Cheers!

INDISTINCT CHATTER LAUGHTER HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY Harry!

Well!

Well, Mr Ambassador!

Hello!

- It's good to see you!

Yeah, sure, I walked past there yesterday.

Yes, you know, and the bag went under, and you set your man off on my bag and the two got mistaken.

HE LAUGHS No, no, you've got the wrong man.

No.

- What?

So once again, my darlings, thank you.

Thank you and... thank you.

Please don't thank us any more, Miss La Strange.

We really were only doing our job.

Work that became the greatest of pleasures, Miss La Strange.

And for you to invite us here to the embassy garden party... Well, more than kind.

HE CLEARS THROAT SHE GIGGLES Foolish darling!

How easily you are pleased!

My country only wanted to repay you for rescuing one of its humble citizens from... SHE SIGHS Who knows?

Ah, but here comes its representative.

Randolph, darling!

I should like you to meet the man responsible for rescuing your poor Virma from the kidnappers.

May I present the Ambassador of the United States, Mr Wilmot.

And this is Mr Blunt, a famous private investigator.

How do you do, sir?

Delighted, Mr Blunt.

Oh, yes, and this is his little assistant, Miss Robin.

..son.

Robin-son.

How do you do?

Again, a pleasure!

And now, you must please excuse me.

I must go to a fitting for my crown.

Crown?

For the Mary, Queen of Scots.

Oh, your film?

"Lass of the heather."

So sad.

And then tomorrow I lose my head.

SHE MIMICS CHOPPING Imagine!

Yes.

Adieu, my friends.

We will meet again, I'm sure.

Isn't she spiffing?

WILMOT: Yes.

We are very proud to welcome Miss Le Strange.

She's one of our newer citizens, and we are very grateful to you both for helping her avoid abduction.

We aim to satisfy in the shortest space of time.

Still, Miss Robinson, 24 hours is quite a record.

It has impressed me sufficiently to the extent that I'd like to present you with another little matter that, uh, has cropped up.

A professional matter?

Well, it's probably nothing.

It's just that, uh... Well, are you free tomorrow at 3.20?

Uh, yes.

Good, good.

Shall we come to the embassy, sir?

No.

No, I'd rather like to take a look inside a British private investigators' office.

I'll pay you a visit!

Thank you, thank you.

CHATTER, LAUGHTER WILMOT: As I was about to say, there's nothing in it to trouble Scotland Yard about.

CLATTERING Shh!

And it's all probably due to a simple mistake.

But all the same, I don't see how that mistake arose.

Nothing criminal in it, I dare say.

No, no, my dear, never touch them.

But I just like to get things straightened out.

It makes me mad, not to be able to see the whys and wherefores.

Quite so.

Now, to recap... You arrived by the liner Nomadic a week ago.

In some way, your kitbag and the kitbag of another gentleman, Mr Ralph Westerham, whose initials are the same as yours, got mixed up.

You took Mr Westerham's kitbag, and he took yours.

Mr Westerham discovered the mistake immediately, sent around the bag to the embassy and took away his own.

Quite right, Miss Robinson!

Perfect!

The two bags must have been practically identical.

And with the initials "RW" being the same in both cases, it's not difficult to understand that an error might have been made.

I, myself, was not aware of what had happened until my valet informed me of the mistake, and that Mr Westerham... Oh, he is a Senator, a man for whom I have a great admiration, had sent round for his bag and returned mine.

Then I don't see... Oh, but you will, Mr Blunt.

You will.

Yesterday, at our little party, and just before I joined you and your charming Miss Robinson, I ran up against Senator Westerham.

I mentioned the matter to him jestingly... And, to my great surprise, he didn't seem to know just what I was talking about!

When I explained, he denied the story absolutely.

He had not taken the bag off the ship in mistake for his own.

In fact, he had not travelled with such an article amongst his luggage!

What an extraordinary thing!

Mr Blunt, it IS an extraordinary thing.

There seems no rhyme or reason in it.

Why, if anyone had wanted to steal my kitbag, he could have done so easily enough without resorting to all this roundabout business!

And anyway, it was not stolen, but returned to you.

- Mm-hm.

- On the other hand, if it was a mistake, why use Senator Westerham's name?

It's a crazy business, my dear.

But just for curiosity, I need to get to the bottom of it.

You say nothing was missing from your bag when it came back into your possession?

My man says not.

He would know.

What was in it, if I may ask?

Of course you may, Miss Robinson.

My bag contained boots.

Boots?

WILMOT: Yes, boots.

Odd, isn't it?

HE CLEARS THROAT Now, who came for the bag?

The other bag, I mean?

Supposed to be one of Westerham's servants.

Quite an ordinary man, so I understand.

My valet saw nothing wrong with him.

Had it been unpacked, at all?

Not that I know.

I presume not, but perhaps you'd like to question my valet.

DOOR OPENS Mr Richards?

Just "Richards", sir.

Good.

Well, shall we sit down?

Thank you, sir.

It's about this matter of a kitbag full of boots.

His Excellency informed me that you'd be calling.

I doubt if I can tell you anything new.

Mr Wilmot was rather upset over the affair.

I know that, sir.

But I can hardly see why since no harm was done.

Can you be sure of that, Richards?

Well... None that I know of, sir.

I certainly understood from the man who called for the bag that it belonged to Senator Westerham.

Of course, I may have been mistaken.

What kind of man was he?

Uh, middle-aged.

Grey hair.

Very good class, I should say.

Most respectable.

Oh, I understood he was Senator Westerham's valet.

He just left Mr Wilmot's bag, took away the other.

- Had it been unpacked at all?

- Er, which one, sir?

Well, I meant the bag you brought from the boat, but I should like to know about the other bag, as well, Mr Wilmot's own... Had that been unpacked at all, do you fancy?

Well, I should say not, sir.

It was just as I'd strapped it up on the boat.

HE CLEARS THROAT I should say the gentleman, whoever he was, he just opened it, realised it wasn't his, and shut it up again.

Nothing missing?

No small article?

Don't think so, sir.

Um...

In fact, I'm quite sure.

What about the other bag?

Had you started to unpack that?

As a matter of fact, sir, I was just opening it at the very moment that Senator Westerham's man arrived.

I'd just undone the straps.

Did you see inside the bag, at all?

Er, no.

We just... We unfastened it together, sir, to be sure no mistake had been made this time.

And the man said it was all right.

He strapped it up, took it away.

Boots, was it?

- Pardon, sir?

- In the bag.

Oh.

Er, no, sir.

What, then?

Well, I didn't really notice much.

Um...

Toilet things, I fancy.

I think I saw a tin of bath salts.

And you never saw anyone tampering with anything in your master's cabin on board ship, I suppose?

No, sir.

Nothing suspicious of any kind?

No.

Just a minute, sir.

HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY Something's coming back to me.

Yes?

What?

Well, I don't think it could have anything to do with him, um... but there was a young lady.

'She was taken queer just outside Mr Wilmot's cabin.

'The sea was rough, and she looked so frail.

'I took her inside so she might recover herself.

'She asked me to fetch a doctor, 'so I left her there whilst I went off to find him.

'By the time I'd got back, 'she seemed almost all right again.'

TOMMY: Did you discover the young lady's name?

Mm-hm.

Eileen O'Hara.

Not tall, with dark hair, uh, just a little foreign-looking.

You don't think, sir...

I don't know what to think, Richards.

Was this Miss O'Hara travelling alone?

I believe so, sir.

And you haven't seen her since you landed?

Oh, no, sir.

Very well.

That will be all for now, Richards.

Thank you.

- "For now", sir?

Well, I may wish to question you again.

After all, Eileen O'Hara came back to you, didn't she?

TUPPENCE: Eileen as well as O'Hara!

Oh, my dear Tommy, that's too impossibly Irish for words!

And the sudden fainting won't do.

Too suspicious.

She's probably a German spy.

Like Alice Terry in Mare Nostrum.

She did it for love.

They're not all bad, you know, guv.

I'm very glad to hear it, Albert.

Oh!

Do you think it's too... SHE CHUCKLES Too... "Not enough" might be a better description.

Oh, Tommy, you're so stuffy!

It's the latest thing and I haven't a stitch to wear.

Ah, I wasn't aware we were going out tonight.

TUPPENCE: Me, not "we".

Albert, pop down and stop me a taxi, will you?

Albert!

Right away, Miss.

- Hmm!

- Just a minute... What is all this about, darling?

Work, Tommy.

Woo!

Ooh!

Um... Work, work, work.

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you.

While you were at his embassy, he telephoned and asked us to join him at the Savoy for dinner.

- Good!

Uh, my turn to do a little detection work on my own.

After all, you did take Virma Le Strange to The Ritz twice.

Not to mention The Green Parrot.

And anyway, I thought you were off dancing.

Too tiring.

JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTERING - Oh!

- I beg your pardon, my dear.

Sorry.

You'll have to forgive an old man for not being quite up to your standard.

Oh, not at all, Your Excellency.

- Oh, now, now.

- You dance very well.

I thought we'd got past the "Excellency" stage.

I'd like you to call me Randy.

Oh, I'd be delighted.

Why don't you call me Tuppence?

Tuppence?

Uh, like in your currency?

The same.

How unusual!

But charming.

SHE GIGGLES Ah!

Well, how about another glass of bubbly, Tuppence?

Oh, thank you.

That would be lovely!

♪ Pack up all my care and woe ♪ ♪ Here I go singing low ♪ BOTH SIGH Well, certainly an enlightening environment, your Green Parrot!

HE CHUCKLES I'm indebted to you for introducing me to it, Tuppence.

I'm only sorry that your friends were unable to come with us.

Yes, that was a shame, wasn't it?

Still, I was determined.

It's important for an ambassador to be aware of just how British society enjoys itself.

I'm just sorry Mr Blunt couldn't make it tonight.

So was he.

He'll be so glad to learn that you like it here.

It's fun, isn't it?

- Uh-huh.

Mr Blunt absolutely insisted that I brought you.

Of course, we're here all the time.

But surely you have places like this in Washington.

Washington may well have places like this, but in common with the rest of America, it also has prohibition.

Oh, of course.

Hardly suitable for a diplomat to be seen in a speakeasy!

BOTH CHUCKLE Hardly, yeah!

Ah!

Anyway, Edith, that's Mrs Wilmot, she shouldn't drink.

Oh?

It overstimulates her libido.

She's the second Mrs Wilmot, you understand.

I see.

WILMOT: Hmm.

And is she in America at present?

Uh-huh.

Visiting her mother in Maine.

Oh, really?

Uh, isn't that the place that's rather like England?

Well, the climate can be similar.

BOTH LAUGH Tell me, did Mrs Wilmot leave this country after your return from the United States?

No, no, we crossed together, spent two weeks in Washington, then she went on to Maine, and I returned here alone.

Are you gonna continue with this interrogation, Tuppence?

You won't allow me to pull the wool over YOUR eyes!

But I really must be allowed to do a little work, if I'm to justify being here.

As far as I'm concerned, my dear, you don't need any justification.

Fire away.

- Thank you.

Were you involved with anyone on board?

A woman, for instance?

Tuppence!

HE TUTS Oh, Your Excellency!

Randy!

I mean... What I meant was...

I mean... Well, anyone suspicious trying to get to know you, that sort of thing.

No-one in particular.

There were a few rather high-spirited kids, as I recall.

Yes, every night in the ballroom they would cause some sort of... exhibition.

Drinking heavily?

Yes, but more than that.

They seemed to be... desperate, somehow.

As if they were living a separate experience.

One night, they learned who I was, I fancy, they surrounded my table and just wouldn't leave!

Hmm?

I dined in my cabin after that.

- And that was all?

- That's all I can remember.

What about Eileen O'Hara?

Did Richards tell you about her?

Funny thing.

You know, she'd almost slipped my memory.

'But I don't see how she could 'have had anything to do with it.

'Fact of the matter is, I only met her by chance.

'Apparently, she'd collapsed outside the cabin.

'Richards had shown her in, then gone for a doctor.

'I'd forgotten my cigar case and returned to collect it, 'to find a young woman sitting in my cabin.

'Richards then appeared with the doctor.

'But she said she felt better and didn't need him.

'Richards then helped her to her cabin.'

Well, that was the last I saw of her.

How did you learn her name?

I always make a point of ascertaining the name of any person with whom I have contact.

You don't think she was just, er... pretending to be sick, do you?

It has been known, but I think Mr Blunt will want to speak to your Richards again.

GLASS CLINKS Of course.

Oh, time to go, Your Excellency.

Sebastian... WILMOT: Oh, poor kid!

You know, I hate to see that.

If that's what drink can do to a young woman, then perhaps our prohibition laws are correct.

I think she's taken a little more than alcohol on board.

JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING FOGHORN TOOTS SHE GIGGLES Come on!

BIG BEN CHIMING Come on!

Give it back.

Oh, George!

My compact!

SHE SCREAMS BIG BEN CHIMING, WATER SPLASHES TUPPENCE: Poor Randolph!

I'm sure he'll be very upset.

TOMMY: What about poor Richards?

Can't you spare any sympathy for him, darling?

Oh, yes, of course!

I mean, he threw away his life, and that's a tragedy of unhappiness and a waste.

Must have felt pretty guilty about something there.

Well, you seem satisfied that the balance of his mind was disturbed.

Hmm!

Precisely.

It's with what it was disturbed and by whom that we have to find out.

Oh?

And how do you propose we go about it, Watson?

Uh!

You're Watson.

I'm Holmes, in this instance.

And how is that?

Because I already happen to know the identity of whom.

And whom...

I mean, WHO is it?

SHE CHUCKLES Can't you guess?

Possibly, but I'd hate to be wrong.

No, you wouldn't be, darling.

I mean, how could you be?

Tuppence, stop being so mysterious.

If you think you know who caused Richards' death, kindly tell me.

Not "think", darling.

I'm certain.

It was you.

Oh, thank you very much!

Sorry, old thing.

The price of our professional prodding.

You obviously lit the blue touchpaper, and it was a very short fuse.

Stop talking like a cheap detective story!

Richards told me nothing that he hadn't already told the Ambassador.

And the only new information that he volunteered, VOLUNTEERED, was about that girl.

- Eileen O'Hara?

TOMMY: Hmm.

And do you not think that he might never had remembered her, had the Ambassador not come back for his cigar case and found them together?

And that, sooner or later, the Ambassador himself would also remember her and mention her to us?

She's the one, Tommy.

Find her, and you'll find the reason behind the kit-bag switch... And poor Richards' suicide.

Very good, Watson!

Very good.

Watson?

I'm so awfully pleased to have my own hypothesis confirmed.

"Any information respecting Miss Eileen... O'Hara, "known to have travelled from New York "to Southampton on board the Nomadic "on its last crossing, contact Blunt's... "Detective Agency immediately.

"28 Haleham Street."

I placed it yesterday, after leaving the embassy.

I'm lunching at Poppy St Albans'.

She's invited the girls.

We may go shopping afterwards.

I may be late.

Gosh, what a bore for you!

I'm sorry?

Well, having to sit there whilst those girls rake over those hoary old chestnuts about wartime experiences in the VAD.

It may be a bore for you, Tommy, but it isn't for me.

We're rather proud of the contribution we made to the Voluntary Aid Detachment.

Oh, I say!

And it's rather nice, occasionally, to spend time in the company of one that appreciates us.

Enjoy your sandwiches, Tommy darling!

But, Tuppence, I didn't really mean to...

DOOR SLAMS SHUT Oh, drat!

HE SIGHS RICHARDS: 'Eileen O'Hara.

'Not tall, with dark hair.

'Just a little foreign-looking.'

CHILDREN GIGGLING SHE PANTS I can't go on any more, Albert.

I've got a whole afternoon's typing to do.

I'm worn out!

All right, Tilly, it'll do for today.

I think my shadowing technique's improved no end.

Here, how many times have you noticed me following you?

- Four.

No, five times, I think.

- You think?

Five times!

Really, Albert!

This is supposed to be my lunch break.

Anyway, how many times did you show yourself?

Well, I was always visible.

SHE SCOFFS Just blending in the background.

Pictures tonight?

Not that cowboy film again!

I thought you enjoyed it.

Not much.

Not even the first time!

I consider it a major step forward in the art of motion picture form.

Those posters will be glad you agree with them!

Anyway, how else am I gonna pick up tips on lassoing?

I don't know!

There's not many cattle in Bethnal Green to practise on, even if you could!

I already can.

Just want to be the best, that's all.

How little you understand the need for different skills in my profession!

BELL CHIMES TWICE Crikey!

Two o'clock!

- What?

- See you!

Lyons Corner House.

Outside, quarter past six.

- Why so early?

- So we can see it around twice.

SHE SIGHS WOMAN: Mr Blunt?

- DROWSILY: Yes...

I, uh...

I didn't hear you come in.

Evidently.

Er, difficult case, last night.

You know how these things catch up on one.

Won't you take a seat?

- Thank you.

Now, then, tell me how you think I may be able to help you.

I saw your advertisement in today's paper.

I was on board the Nomadic during the crossing that you mentioned.

So this is the office of Mr Busybody Blunt.

Hands up, or I shoot!

SHE GASPS This lady will come with me, please.

SHE WHIMPERS Yes, you will, my dear!

You've never seen me before, but that doesn't matter.

I can't have my plans ruined by a silly little chick like you!

I seem to remember seeing you on board the Nomadic.

You must have been peering into things that didn't concern you, but I've no intention of letting you blab any secrets to Mr Blunt here!

A very clever gentleman, Mr Blunt, with his fancy advertisement.

SHE GASPS But as it happens, I keep an eye on the advertisement columns.

That's how I got wise to his little game.

You interest me exceedingly.

Won't you go on?

Cheek won't help you, Mr Blunt.

From now on, you are a marked man!

Give up this investigation, we leave you alone.

Otherwise, God help you.

Death comes swiftly to those who thwart our plans.

- No!

- I've got him, sir!

I've got him, sir!

MAN GROANS I've lassoed him.

I've been practising with my lasso in my spare time, sir.

Could you give me a hand?

He's very violent.

You damned idiot, Albert!

Why didn't you go for the police?

Owing to this fools' play of yours, he as near as anything plugged me through the head.

It was a jolly lucky escape.

Lassoed him in the nick of time, I did!

Oh, if Tilly could only see me now!

It's wonderful, what those chaps do on the prairies, sir!

Yes, well, we're not on the prairies, Albert!

We happen to be in a civilised city.

Now, then, my dear sir, what are we going to do with you?

HE SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE TOMMY: Hush!

I don't understand a word of what you're saying, but I suspect it's not the kind of language to use in front of a lady.

You'll excuse me, please, won't you, Miss... Oh.

Do you know, in the heat of this little upset, I've completely forgotten your name.

- March.

- I beg your pardon?

- Cicely March.

- Oh, I see.

What are you going to do with him?

Fetch a bobby now, sir.

MAN GRUNTS No.

No, I shall let him go this time.

Nevertheless, I shall give myself the pleasure of kicking him down the stairs, if only to teach him manners to a lady.

Come on, my dear sir.

Out you go.

Come on.

MAN GRUNTS, GROANS THUDDING MAN: Ooh!

Aah!

TOMMY SIGHS MARCH: Are you... Did he... Did you hurt him?

I hope so.

But probably less than he made out.

TOMMY CLEARS THROAT Shall we go back into my office, Miss March, and resume our conversation?

I don't think we shall be interrupted again.

I'll have my lasso ready, sir, just in case.

Put it away, Albert.

Now, Miss March... SHE SIGHS I don't quite know where to begin.

As that dreadful man said, I was a passenger on the Nomadic.

The lady you advertised about, Miss O'Hara, she was also on board.

Exactly.

Now, that we know already, but I suspect you know something of her doings on board ship.

Otherwise, that picturesque gentleman would not have been in such a hurry to intervene.

I will tell you everything that I know!

Good.

The American Ambassador was on board.

One day, I was passing his cabin and I happened to glance through the window.

'And I saw this woman inside.

'She was doing something so extraordinary 'that I stopped to watch.

'She had a man's boot in her hand, 'and with a little pair of scissors, 'she was slitting the lining.

'Then she appeared to push something inside.

'Well, just at that moment, the Ambassador returned.

'And she immediately dropped back onto the couch 'and pretended to faint.

'Then a doctor appeared, followed by another man, 'and I passed on.'

I said "pretended to faint" because when I first caught sight of her, she was obviously feeling nothing of the kind.

Go on.

I'd rather hate to tell you the next part.

I was curious, and also I'd been reading very silly books.

I wondered if she'd put a bomb or a poisoned needle or something like that into Mr Wilmot's boot.

HE SCOFFS Well, I know it sounds absurd, but I did think so.

Anyway, when I next passed the empty cabin, I slipped in... and had a look at the boot.

'I drew out from the lining a piece of paper.

'Just as I had it in my hand, I heard the steward returning, 'so I hurried out so as not to be caught.

'The folded paper was still in my hand.'

When I got back to my own cabin, I examined it.

Mr Blunt, it was nothing but some verses from the Bible!

Verses from the Bible?

At least I thought so at the time.

I couldn't understand it.

I thought perhaps it was the work of a religious maniac.

Anyway, I didn't think it worth my while replacing it, so I kept it... and I thought nothing about it until yesterday.

Yesterday?

I used it to make a paper boat for my little nephew to sail in his bath.

'As the paper got wet, 'I saw a queer kind of design coming out all over it.

'The water had brought out a hidden message.

'It was a kind of tracing... 'and looked like the mouth of a harbour.'

Anyway, it was immediately after that that I read your advertisement.

Oh.

But this is most important.

Yes, I see it all now.

Now, that tracing was probably the plan of some important harbour defences.

It had been stolen by this woman.

She was afraid that someone was on her track, and not daring to keep it amongst her own possessions, contrived this hiding place.

Later, when she obtained possession of the bag in which the boot was packed, she discovered the paper had vanished!

Miss March, have you brought this paper with you?

Oh, no.

It's at my place of business.

I run a beauty parlour just off Bond Street.

I'm really the agent for Sickleman Preparations in New York.

That is why I've just been over there.

I thought the paper might be important, so I locked it away in the safe before coming out.

Ought not Scotland Yard to know about this?

- Yes, indeed.

- Shall we go then?

I'll get the paper and take it straight to Scotland Yard?

I'm afraid I'm very busy this afternoon.

The Bishop of London has asked me to call him on a case.

A curious problem concerning some vestments and two curates.

Well, in that case, I will go alone.

But, as I was about to say, Miss March, the Bishop must wait.

I will just leave a few words with Albert.

I am very much afraid that, until that paper is safely deposited in the hands of Scotland Yard, you are in very active danger.

Do you think so?

I'm afraid I'm certain of it.

SOFTLY: Ooh, dear.

Shall we go?

Are you a good walker, Miss March?

Yes.

Why?

Ought not we to get that taxi?

It would be quicker.

TOMMY: Perhaps you did not notice.

That taxi driver has just refused a fare lower down the street.

Your enemies are on the lookout.

He was waiting for us.

I think if you feel equal to it, it might be better if we walked to Bond Street.

They'll not be able to attempt much in crowded streets.

Ooh...

Very well.

It's no good your protesting, Tuppence.

It's the unvarnished truth.

Your life is full, and mine's empty!

Oh, nonsense, Poppy.

Look at your home!

So much to keep... white.

And there's Pongo to look after.

I hear that he may be promoted following the next Cabinet shuffle.

POPPY: Oh, do you, Estelle?

How clever of you!

I hear nothing!

He's hardly home at all.

And when he is, he falls asleep over his food.

Straight into his savoury last night.

Manners was furious when she came to clear.

Old chap works hard.

He's entitled to snooze where he wants to.

Mind you, catch me nodding off into one of Estelle's little concoctions, never hear the last of it!

- No, you wouldn't.

SHE SIGHS The trouble is, I'm so bored!

Oh, I know it's ungrateful of me, when I have all this... And one reads about the poorer classes who have absolutely nothing.

They have one another, Poppy dear.

That's very true, my dear.

Very, very true.

The curse of our class, loneliness.

Superior intelligence, you see.

You cannot be lonely if you don't have a brain.

It's the war I miss!

TUPPENCE: Poppy, really!

Oh, no, not the fighting and those poor boys!

But the danger and the excitement.

We can hardly take up nursing again just to stifle boredom.

Surely there wasn't much danger in driving generals from the War Office to the Savoy, dear.

Only to the pedestrians and other drivers!

That's most unfair!

I was an extremely skilful driver.

It was remarked upon.

Just because you got stuck on heavy goods... - Actually, I did not.

- It's the truth.

Please, please, let's not argue.

Hmm?

We all did our bit for the VAD... And I think I know what Poppy means.

It's the companionship she misses.

The feeling of all being in it together against a common enemy.

- Yes, that's it.

- I must admit, I've... missed it too, sometimes.

Even having dear Tommy?

Yes, Estelle.

Even having dear Tommy.

I think he's felt the same, poor sweet.

Been rather sharp with him lately.

Can't think why.

Not easy, thrown together all the time.

In your work, I mean.

No, I don't think that, exactly.

It's just that... Now, girls, just a minute!

Message for Mrs Beresford.

Youth said it was urgent.

- Albert was here?

- Didn't catch the name, madam.

Asked me if I'd seen the cowboy film at the Ritz.

Albert.

Said he had to get back to the office, but that note was a matter of life and death.

Oh, really!

Oh, what is it, Tuppence?

ESTELLE: Is something wrong, dear?

Yes, I'm rather afraid there is.

Tommy's life may be in danger.

SHE GASPS I'll call the police.

Manners, the telephone!

- No, no time.

I'm afraid I have to go right away.

Got a motor, Poppy?

POPPY: Of course, But it's all loaded up with jumble for the poor of Kensington.

And I told Wilkins I wouldn't need him again this afternoon.

No more will you.

We're all drivers here.

Come on, St Albans.

You said your life "lacked excitement"!

Well, now you're slap up against it!

Plus a chance to help out a chum's better half.

- Y-You mean... - Yes, dear.

We are coming with you!

All right.

Come on.

EXCITED SHOUTING LIVELY CHATTER I've got my glasses.

I'll be all right, I think.

ENGINE TURNING OVER Hold on, girls!

Do you think it's safe to leave yet, Mr Blunt?

I haven't noticed anyone suspicious since we ducked in here.

And that was... ten minutes ago?

Nearer 15, I think.

Good.

Then I think we may safely assume that we have shaken them off.

Shall we risk it?

Thank you.

Now, if you'd be kind enough to take a seat, I'll see if Rodrigo can fit you in.

I don't have the time to waste.

Now, please.

Now.

WHISPERS: Has anyone strange been in?

No, madame.

No stranger than usual.

There was a sudden rush of custom, but we had some cancellations, so we were able to accommodate most of it.

Rodrigo is able to manage?

- Oh, yes, madame.

- Splendid.

I'm taking this gentleman through to my office.

Perhaps you would inform me if anybody unusual attempts to enter the premises.

Good idea.

Name's Blunt, by the way, just in case anyone comes asking...

Though I doubt that they will, in here.

I have made a note, monsieur.

I'm afraid, Mr Blunt, we have to go through the treatment room to get to my office.

Quite a contrast in decorative styles you have here, Miss March.

Ooh, yes.

But then, one could hardly expect women who wish to be one thing but, in reality, are another to entrust themselves to an establishment that looked like this throughout, could one?

CHAIR CREAKS Isn't that what your profession is all about, Miss March?

Hiding the truth?

STUTTERS: I mean... cosmetic deception.

You know, I should be fascinated to learn what it is that attracts a young woman into such a... falsifying type of work.

Why, money, Mr Blunt.

A great deal of money.

Far too much to be made sacrifice to the haphazard investigations of a dilettante English private investigator.

And you, Miss March, are not English, I take it?

Though perhaps you'd prefer to answer to... O'Hara?

Although we're not convinced that you're Irish, either.

- "We"?

- Oh, forgive me.

I am not convinced.

My wife is quite certain.

"Eileen O'Hara, too impossibly Irish for words", is how she put it.

She seems to have more perception that you, Mr Blunt.

Well, in matters concerning women, she just cannot be deceived.

She taught me how to tell a peroxide blonde from a natural one.

SHE CHUCKLES Golden hair has to be the genuine article to take me in.

So I didn't deceive you, after all?

DOOR CLICKS OPENS I'm afraid there will be no office boy to help you this time, Mr Blunt.

Is the van in the rear?

Good.

Cotton wool has far more uses than for just removing face cream.

Yes, chloroform, Mr Blunt.

You won't feel a thing, once you lose consciousness.

And you'll be past feeling anything at all by the time you slip into the river.

Rodriguez, would you like to administer it?

DOOR KNOB RATTLING ASSISTANT: You can't come in here, madame!

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION MARCH GASPS Where is he?

Tommy!

Are you all right?

Yes, fine, old thing.

Here, administer this to our foreign friend, would you?

Hold your breath, girls.

MUFFLED GRUNTING - Oh, hello, Tommy dear.

- Hello, Estelle.

INDISTINCT CHATTER - Tuppence!

- Stay still.

CAR APPROACHES, BRAKES SCREECH DOOR KNOB RATTLES I thought we'd shut up shop for the day.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ALBERT: Come on, Inspector.

This is the place!

Life or death, you know!

Sexton Blake would have himself on it.

KNOCKING AT DOOR I was very glad to get hold of that gentleman.

He's wanted badly.

Well done, sir.

HE CHUCKLES Hardly recognised you in that getup, Miss Tuppence.

ALL GIGGLING I'm rather glad, Inspector.

Not here by chance, I guess?

Certainly not.

Each move carefully coordinated, as ever.

Teamwork is everything.

Don't you agree, Inspector?

- Most certainly.

- Yes.

And we couldn't have done it without the help of the girls.

Well, it was just like the war!

INSPECTOR: The war?

- VAD.

We were all in it together.

Used to drive ambulances, that sort of thing.

Only the uniforms were different.

Yes, I've been meaning to ask you about those.

Poppy's jumble!

Though what the poor of Kensington are going to do with Paris gowns, I'm not quite sure.

Well, I thought it might cheer them up, take their minds off things.

Anyway, they weren't really me.

Nor is that mud pack, dear.

No.

Mine's set like the Rock of Gibraltar.

Time you washed it off, then.

Tuppence dear, should you need us, we'll be outside.

Come along, girls.

- Been such fun!

TOMMY: Well done, girls.

- Goodbye.

- Thank you so much.

If there's nothing further, sir, ma'am, I'll return to the office.

Several matters arose in your absence which require my... preliminary attention.

Good day, Inspector.

BOTH CHUCKLE That young chap's got his head screwed on the right way.

Acted promptly once he got your wife's telephone call.

Told me you'd had the place under surveillance for quite a while.

Mind you, we never had cause to suspect it.

Thought it was a genuine beauty shop.

Which it is.

TOMMY: I'm sure it is, but what else beside?

You see, Inspector, this is where one has to be so very careful.

Things that look one way are often the other.

I asked myself, "Why should anyone want the Ambassador's bag "for an hour or so?"

I put the question the other way around and seemed to find my answer.

Supposing it was the other bag that was the important one.

Someone wanted that bag to be in the Ambassador's possession for an hour or so.

Much more illuminating!

Quite.

Diplomatic luggage.

Not subjected to the indignities of customs examinations.

Clearly a case of smuggling.

The safe, Tuppence.

Richards let something slip when I interviewed him, Miss March.

- Who?

- Oh, come, now.

Richards, the Ambassador's valet.

The man you and your organisation were blackmailing.

The man you drove to suicide.

It's a curious thing, you know, that, when people are desperate, on the brink, like Richards, they find it very hard not to tell the truth, no matter how much they try not to.

Richards was specific about one thing that he'd seen in the second bag, Miss March.

That one thing stuck... up here.

Tuppence, let's see if I'm right.

Bath salts, eh?

Just as poor Richards said.

Of course they're bath salts!

It's one of our best-selling lines.

Uncut diamonds?

Could be.

Let's find out.

Oh!

Genuine bath crystal, eh?

Nothing more deadly than carbonate of soda.

I told you they were genuine!

TOMMY: Indeed, you did, and so they are.

But is bath salts all that is in the tin?

Tuppence... TUPPENCE TUTS Here, miss.

Thank you, Inspector.

Talcum, Miss March?

I think not.

Cocaine, is it, sir?

HE SNIFFS Good Lord!

There must be 50 tins in there.

We knew there was a distributing area somewhere near here, handy to the West End and all the bright young things, but we haven't been able to find a clue.

Often easier working undercover, Inspector.

I'm sure Mr Blunt would like to explain how we worked it out.

Clearly a case of smuggling.

Oh, yes, but smuggling of what?

A curious comedy is enacted in my office.

They'd read my advertisement and wanted to put me off the scent.

Or, failing that, out of the way altogether.

So I played the part of the credulous sleuth with all my might... Swallowed this charming lady's impossible story and permitted myself to be lured here, leaving behind, with Albert, specific instructions for dealing with the situation.

You see?

Perfect coordination.

Well, many congratulations.

This is another fine coup you two have made.

I don't know how to thank you.

TUPPENCE: Oh, please don't, Inspector.

Just put it down to one more triumph for teamwork.

Teamwork.

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