The Cornley Drama Festival Part 2
Season 2 Episode 206 | 29m 3sVideo has Closed Captions
The drama festival continues, and Jonathan is left to conduct a musical finale by himself.
The Cornley drama festival continues. Sandra stages an audio drama that suffers from Trevor's contribution with sound effects, while Dennis performs a short and uninteresting play. Annie soon stages a 70s comedy of censored innuendos and actions, until Trevor accidentally knocks out all the performers, leaving Jonathan to conduct a circus-based musical finale by himself.
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The Goes Wrong Show is presented by your local public television station.
Distributed nationally by American Public Television
The Cornley Drama Festival Part 2
Season 2 Episode 206 | 29m 3sVideo has Closed Captions
The Cornley drama festival continues. Sandra stages an audio drama that suffers from Trevor's contribution with sound effects, while Dennis performs a short and uninteresting play. Annie soon stages a 70s comedy of censored innuendos and actions, until Trevor accidentally knocks out all the performers, leaving Jonathan to conduct a circus-based musical finale by himself.
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[audience applauds] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to the Cornley Drama Festival.
Once again, apologies for the sign.
[audience laughs] We have had a fantastic response to the festival, with seven people writing in to tell us they enjoyed the show.
And thousands of other people also writing in.
[audience laughs] Chris, I've given the horse too many tranquilizers.
[audience laughs] That is not my problem tonight.
Because first up we are in the hands of Sandra Wilkinson.
[audience applauds] Distinct.
Unique.
[whispers] Moist.
[audience laughs] What do these words have in common?
They've all been used to describe my voice.
So, I've written a radio play to present this evening.
Not, as some have suggested, because I am in the running to be the new voice of Marks and Spencer's, although I am down to the final 80, but because I would love nothing more than to share with you how audio drama is made.
So please enjoy A Talented Woman Awakens.
[audience laughs and applauds] [audience laughs] Well, that roast beef was absolutely delicious, dad.
It certainly was, Deborah!
I adored those Yorkshire Puddings, almost as much as the crisp golden potatoes, and the creamy yet fiery horseradish sauce.
-[whispers] 2.99.
-[audience laughs] I'll clear the dishes.
[audience laughs] Deborah, I meant to tell you.
I'll be hosting the talent show at the village fete this year.
Well, you should enter that, darling.
You're ever so talented.
Oh, no, I couldn't do that, mum.
Of course you could, sweetheart.
There's more to you than your sensational looks.
You also have a fantastic speaking voice, and you own your own Pitch Tone B Plus podcasting microphone.
[audience laughs] Let me pour you a cup of tea, dad.
[audience laughs] -Sugar?
-Two please.
[audience laughs] -Milk?
-Just a spot.
[moo toy sound] [audience laughs] Maybe you're right, maybe I should enter the talent competition.
-I just wish I... -[coughs] [audience laughs] ...had more confidence.
You are so dreadfully humble.
[audience laughs] And you're ever so talented.
[audience laughs] Now come on, dad, it's well past... ...your bedtime.
Onto the stairlift.
[microwave sound] [audience laughs] [microwave ding] Ah!
Now, let's get you tucked in.
[audience laughs] Goodnight, dad.
I'll shut the door.
[audience laughs] See you in the morning.
[music] [birds sound] Cock-a-doodle-doo!
[audience laughs] Good morning, mum.
Morning, darling.
You're ever so talented.
[audience laughs] [three gunshots] Come in.
[audience laughs] Buenos días, señorita!
Miguel!
How are you, my dear?
I am sad, because I know I will never be enough for you.
-[audience laughs] -Oh, Miguel!
Our relationship is too passionate.
[slurping sounds] [audience laughs] I have seen there is to be a talent show at the village fete.
Soon I will lose you to celebrity.
My talent is too... [spray sound] [audience laughs] My talent is too wild to be ca... [spray sound] [audience laughs] Ha!
My talent is too wild to be caged.
I must perform.
[all] Hooray!
Come, mount this stallion with me.
We shall ride to the village fete.
Wake up, wake up.
Clippity clop!
Clippity clop!
[horse neighs noises] [audience laughs] Here we are at the village fete.
We have arrived in time for the hoedown.
[music] [audience laughs] [audience laughs] I do hope everyone is enjoying the Barnsbury Village Fete so far.
[makes crowd noises] Ah yeah, it's just brilliant.
[audience laughs] A huge congratulations to Benny Webber, who correctly spelled the word incompetent, to win this year's Spelling Bee.
I-N-C-O-M-M- P-E-T-E-N-T- E-N-T-E- N-T-E. [audience laughs] Incompetentente!
[audience laughs] And next up in the talent show, we have Peter Bodkin, with his one-man clog dance.
[audience laughs] [clog dancing sounds] [audience laughs] [audience laughs and applauds] A round of applause for Peter.
Next up, will be my very own daughter, who will be reciting the entirety of Alfred Lord Tennyson's The Lady of Shallot.
[audience laughs] Are you ready to perform, my darling?
I'm a little bit nervous.
Don't be nervous.
Look at the beautiful sunshine, and listen to the birds singing.
[gunshot] [audience laughs] Ladies and gentlemen, here she is, showcasing her extraordinary vocal range, Deborah Davies.
[sprays] [coughs and chokes] [audience laughs] Muh... [audience laughs] Fantastic.
And the scores are in.
And the winner is Deborah Davies.
A round of applause, please!
[moo toy sound] [gunshot] [horn] [chain sound] [splashing] Stop!
There's a storm coming!
Thank you for coming.
[audience laughs] [applause] [audience laughs] And now, a word of congratulations from our mayor.
[silence] [audience laughs] I think this is the beginning of an extraordinary career.
Advertising executives and voiceover agents will be calling you every day.
-On 07700 900381.
-[audience laughs] [sore voice] My talent has been awakened!
[audience laughs] [music] [audience laughs] [audience applauds] [upset] Ugh!
Next up is my... [audience laughs] Next up is my play.
-I wrote it myself.
-[audience laughs] I would like to thank Trevor, for providing the special effects.
My play is called... "Toothpaste 1.99."
Sorry, that's a receipt.
[audience laughs] My play is called, "Toothpaste 1.69."
[audience laughs] Enjoy.
[audience cheers and applauds] Hello, how much is this toothpaste?
1.69.
[audience laughs and applauds] [audience cheers and applauds] [audience laughs] Well, I think we can all agree...
There's still some cuts to be found in that play.
[audience laughs] Next up, we have Annie Twilloil.
[audience laughs] Now, people often say we take things too seriously at the Cornley Drama Society, but that wasn't always the case.
The original troupe performed a comedy as recently as 1979.
[audience laughs] So, we thought it would be nice to step outside our comfort zone, and revisit that laugh-out loud romp tonight.
This farce has been classified as Grade C bawdy, so, some of the more graphic jokes have had to be censored to comply with broadcasting decency guidelines.
So, please, enjoy the classic 70s farce entitled, An Upstanding Member in a Tight Spot in the Back Office.
[audience applauds] Good morning, Mr. Carmichael.
Good morning, Miss Pennyforth.
[wind sounds] Hoo!
Frightfully windy day today, isn't it?
Woah!
Miss Pennyforth, have you got a date tonight?
Oh yes, sir, a whole bagful.
[trumpet sound] [audience laughs] What is she like?
Now, tell me, what appointments do I have today?
Well, at 11:00, we'll be having a bit of how's your father.
-Ooh!
-[audience laughs] And at 11:05, you've got a meeting with the Archbishop of Canterbury.
So, we've only got five minutes together?
Yes, I thought that would give me four minutes to catch up on paperwork.
[joke drum sound] What is she like?
[audience laughs] And don't forget the Archbishop is terrified of bees, so I'd best remove these.
Good thinking, Miss Pennyforth.
And the Prince of Wales is coming round at 11:20 to present you with your OBE.
[sound effect] The Prince of Wales?
We'd best cancel my meeting with Norman Nord, the Nudist Lord.
[audience laughs] Yes, Mr. Carmichael.
Now, Doctor Rod Problem dropped round these little blue pills.
Ooh... [audience laughs] Sorry!
[audience laughs] Little blue pills.
Those are for my downstairs problem.
The leak in the basement?
[audience laughs] I'll leave them in this drinks cabinet, next to your anti-anxiety medication.
Careful, these bottles look just alike.
[audience laughs] I'd better go and put on a tie.
Let me help you with that.
Thank you, Miss Pennyforth.
Ooh!
[audience laughs] Righty-ho then, time to clean these windows.
Oh, these bloomin' bees!
I-N-C-O-M-P-E-T-E-N-T.
Incompetent.
[audience laughs] What are you doing?
I'm the spelling bees.
[audience laughs] Oi!
Oi!
Oi!
You stop buzzing in my face!
Hey, out of it!
Out of it!
Hey you, pack it in!
Bloomin' heck!
Someone's left the window open.
Now there's soap suds all over the back office.
I best get in there and clean it up before someone slips over.
Water palaver.
[audience laughs] [Dennis] Right, I think that sounds good.
[audience laughs] Oh, Mrs. Carmichael!
Leader of the opposition and my wife.
[audience laughs] Hope you don't mind, I popped in your back corridor.
Passage.
I popped in your back passage.
[joke drum sound] You're early.
Makes a change, it's usually you who get here early.
Comes.
[joke drum sound] [audience laughs] Would you like a drink?
Oh, yes, you know I love a strong one!
A stiff one!
[joke drum sound] Woah!
[joke drum sound] Why are there soap suds all over this floor?
My coat is soaked through.
Oh, dear, I don't think things could get any worse.
My mother is coming to stay for the weekend.
Looks like I spoke too soon!
[joke drum sound] I brought you these flowers for you to give to her.
[a horse neighs] [Trevor] Oh, God, she's awake!
[Chris] Where are the tranquilizers?
[horse neighs] [audience laughs] Well, I'd best get back to the Commons.
Goodbye, darling.
It's 11:00.
Time for us... [beep] [audience laughs] -Oh, ho ho!
-I've forgotten my bag!
Quickly, Miss Pennyforth, hide in the wardrobe.
[beep] [beep] [beep] [beep] -Ooh!
-Ohh!
Mr. Carmichael.
-Ooh!
-Oh!
-Ooh!
Ooh!
-Oh!
[audience laughs] [giggles] I forgot my bag.
[both giggle] I don't think things could get any worse!
-[horse neighs] -[Trevor] Everybody, stand back!
[audience laughs] Oh, crikey, I just bought these shoes from the cobblers and they don't half squeak!
[squeaky shoes] [audience laughs] Get mopping.
The Prince of Wales is coming to give me my O... [squeaky sound] OBE!
And we can't have soap suds all over the place!
Hey... Hey... Hey!
[audience laughs] [bang] Uh!
Hey!
Argh!
[sound of breaking glass] You've smashed the window!
[audience laughs] Oh, it's let in a gale!
[sound of the wind] Hey!
It's blown off our trousers!
Hey!
Hey!
[knocking on door] The Archbishop!
Quick, hide in the wardrobe.
[shoes squeak] Morning, Carmichael.
Cor blimey!
Why aren't you wearing trousers Carmichael?
Er... pink polka dots are all the rage, Archbishop.
I'm pleased to hear it.
Wow!
[audience laughs] Now, Carmichael, I have to tell you about something that happened to me on the way here.
I came out of me front door, and there were two... [beep] ...standing there [beep] ...with [beep] ...right up the cloisters.
[audience laughs] Now, Carmichael, I'm here to talk to you about not building that atheist car park over Canterbury Cathedral.
But what's this?
A contract from Car Parks Limite about building an atheist car park over Canterbury Cathedral?
[audience laughs] This is a disgrace, Carmichael.
I'm telephoning the Vatican, and when they get hold of you, you'll be sorrier than I was when I saw the Pope... [beep] I said... [beep] ...raw buttocks!
[audience laughs] Oh, Mr. Carmichael I'm starting to panic.
I don't like being in tight spaces.
Nor do I.
[joke drum sound] Here, take one of my anti-anxiety pills.
[sensual music plays] [Elizabeth] Mr. Carmichael!
Quick!
[Miss Pennyforth/Stanley] Ooh!
[audience laughs] I forgot my hat.
Here you go, darling.
[Norman] Carmichael!
Oh, dear!
We forgot to cancel my meeting with Norman Nord, the Nudist Lord!
[audience laughs] [beep] What's going on, Carmichael?
[giggles] [audience laughs] What was all that about, Carmichael?
Don't go near the window!
[wind sounds] Hey!
[audience laughs] Hey!
Hey... Woah!
Woah!
Oh, it's blown... blown off my trousers!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, how embarrassing!
[audience laughs] Oh, how embarrassing.
Sorry about that, Archbishop.
Please, accept these flowers with my apologies.
Thank you, Carmichael.
But what's that noise?
Oh, no!
[Dennis] Incompetent!
[audience laughs] -A bee!
-[bees sound] A bee!
A bee!
A bee!
A bee!
Bees!
Bees!
I've been chased by bees.
[sound of smashing] [Trevor screams] [audience laughs] Here, take one of my anti-anxiety pills.
Thank you, Carmichael.
Oh, could you give me a pill?
One.
Could you give me one?
[joke drum sound] [audience laughs] [sensual music plays] [Archbishop/Elizabeth] Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Oh...
They're for the horse.
[dart shot] [audience laughs] I'm here, Carmichael!
[audience laughs] A French maid, a window cleaner, the Archbishop of Canterbury, and the leader of the opposition, all at it in the Chief Whip's office?
After seeing this, I can't possibly give you your OBE.
I'll have to give you a knighthood!
[audience laughs] [laughs] [audience laughs] Thank you.
[audience laughs] That was a farce.
Now, as you can see, we do appear to be down a few members of the cast.
Trevor and I will be taking them to A & E now.
Er, but do not fear...
But do not fear, the festival will continue with Jonathan's piece.
It's a musical ensemble number, which, which er... which would have included the whole cast.
And it's about a circus.
Enjoy.
[audience applauds] [music] Roll up, roll up!
Come and enjoy the show!
Jimmy!
Missy!
Tony!
Matty!
Ricky!
Jenny!
Okay!
Come on, guys, let's have a song, I'll play the keys, you sing along!
Piano?
No?
Okay!
[audience laughs] ♪ Prepare to see wonders, thrills and delights!
♪ ♪ Magic and marvels, incredible sights!
♪ ♪ I'm Jimmy the Juggler!
♪ I'm Missy the Mime!
♪ I'm Tony on the unicycle!
Riding the line!
♪ ♪ I'm Magical Matty!
With magic, of course ♪ ♪ I'm Rodeo Ricky!
Here with ma' horse ♪ ♪ I'm Jenny the gymnast I'll thrill you to bits ♪ ♪ When you watch me doing the splits!
♪ [shouts painfully] Oh!
Oh, my God!
Amazing!
What a talent!
[music] ♪ We are the ensemble!
♪ We work as a team ♪ We are the ensemble!
♪ Together, a circus supreme Take it, Jimmy!
With your amazing juggling.
♪ What goes up must come down!
♪ But when you're Jimmy the Juggler ♪ ♪ You can turn it around!
Wow, it's amazing!
Incredible!
♪ Throwing and catching is my thing ♪ ♪ But when I'm not juggling, I like to sing!
♪ [screams painfully] Aah!
[audience laughs] Now go, Missy, with your mime!
[audience laughs] Hell yeah!
Now, Tony, show us your skills on the unicycle.
♪ You gotta know the motion ♪ Yeah you gotta have the feel ♪ When you try to ride a cycle ♪ That's only one wheel!
♪ My clothes are made of leather ♪ ♪ But my heart is made of steel ♪ ♪ I used to have a bicycle ♪ But things got real!
[audience cheers] Oh, God!
♪ We are the ensemble!
[audience laughs] ♪ We work as a team ♪ We are the ensemble!
♪ Together, a circus supreme!
[audience laughs and applauds] Now, Matty, marvel us with your magic!
[audience] Oh!
[audience laughs] [audience laughs] [audience laughs] [audience applauds] ♪ We are the ensemble!
[audience laughs] ♪ We work as a team ♪ We are the ensemble!
♪ Together, a circus supreme!
♪ Together ♪ A circus supreme!
[audience laughs] [audience cheers and applauds]
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