(dramatic music) (projector rattling) (church bells ringing) (dramatic orchestral music) (gentle orchestral music) (dramatic orchestral music) (traffic whirring) (suspenseful music) >> Good evening, mate.

>> Evening.

>> Looks like a good 'un coming on.

>> Yeah, it's pea soup, I'm afraid.

The old London particular.

>> If you ask me, it's gonna be black.

Long time since we had one of them.

Well, goodnight.

>> Goodnight.

(suspenseful music continues) >> Blimey.

>> What are we stopping for?

>> Driver: The rest of the night, I should think, guvnor.

>> What street's this?

>> It was Park Lane when I seen it last.

>> Anything I can do?

>> I want to get to Dorset Square's.

>> Not tonight, sir.

Your best bet is the Royal Parks Hotel.

>> Everard: Where's that?

>> Just here, sir.

Follow me.

>> All right.

Bring the bags, will you?

>> Driver: Yes, sir.

>> Officer: Be careful, three steps here, sir.

>> Oh yes.

All right, thanks so much.

>> Thanks, guvnor.

>> And, Officer.

'Night.

(driver sighs) (bright music) I want a single room and bath, please, just for the night.

>> I'm sorry, sir, the best I can offer you is a small suite.

We're almost full owing to the fog.

>> The fog.

All right.

>> 317.

>> This way, sir.

(gentle music) >> Shall we sit down?

>> Well the Mayfair in May is all right, but the Mayfair tonight?

(sighs) >> Don't be so unpatriotic, Michael.

Fog is one of our greatest attractions.

That's what the Americans come to see us for.

(both chuckle) >> Ladies and gentlemen, the committee wished me to announce that owing to the extremely bad fog tonight, those of you who have any considerable distance to travel are advised to stop overnight in the hotel.

>> There now.

May I take you home, Leslie?

>> No thank you, Michael.

I think I'll take the committee's advice and try and stay here tonight.

>> I doubt if you'll get a room.

Look at the crowd storming the reception clod there.

(crowd chattering) >> Just you leave it to me.

Goodnight, Michael.

(crowd chattering) >> I'm sorry, madam.

There is not a single room in the house.

We have nothing.

That was the last room.

(crowd chattering) I will ask the manager.

Monsieur Bianco.

We can do something for you.

We will, I'm sure of it.

Monsieur Bianco, please.

(crowd chattering) >> Please, please, please!

Ladies and gentlemen, every room in this hotel is taken.

The best I can do for you is to offer you accommodation in the lounge and in the reception rooms.

There are some very comfortable divans and chairs, and you will be welcome.

(crowd chattering) >> Look here, surely some of the guests with suites would be willing to give up their sitting rooms for one night?

>> Oh, perhaps.

I will try.

Will you come with me, madam?

This way, please.

>> That's a very good idea.

(group chattering) (gentle music) >> What time in the morning, sir?

>> Eight o'clock sharp, please, with breakfast.

China tea, two boiled eggs, medium done, the Times, and the Telegraph.

>> Thank you very much, sir.

Goodnight, sir.

>> Goodnight.

Hello?

Engaged?

Well, ring me up when you get them, will you?

Thank you.

(gentle music) >> Oh, attendez.

Just a moment, ladies.

Perhaps the gentleman in this suite will help us.

>> Come in.

>> Good evening, sir.

I am the manager of this hotel.

>> How do you do?

>> Owing to the fog, many of the guests who have been attending the ball find it impossible to get home.

I am most anxious to find bedrooms for the ladies, and, uh, I hoped you could help me.

>> In what way?

>> We have several divans in the lounge still vacant, and the chairs on the ground floor are very comfortable.

>> You want me to give up this suite, don't you?

>> If you would, please.

>> (chuckles) I see.

Now, let me make myself clear.

I've been traveling for two days.

I've had an extremely filthy crossing.

My train was two hours late at Victoria Station.

I'm very tired and very cross, in fact, quite wild with fatigue, but I am the legal possessor of this suite and I'm determined to defend it with every power in my possession.

Goodnight.

>> But sir, if you would just give up your sitting room, I could accommodate four ladies.

>> No.

No.

No, I know the ladies, and I know myself.

They'd have me out of here in five minutes.

I'm very sorry.

What I need really very badly is a good night's sleep.

And I shall have that, though every lady in London thinks me a cad, a brute, and a beast.

Goodnight.

>> Goodnight, sir.

>> By the way, is that a Do Not Disturb card there?

>> There it is.

>> You might hang it on the door for me as you go out, will you?

>> Very well, sir.

(phone ringing) (group groans) (group chattering) (gentle music) >> Yes, well, I'm awfully sorry, dear.

It really wasn't my fault.

I really am terribly disappointed, really.

I'm quite heartbroken, dear.

What?

Well, dear, the train was late.

Late!

Yes, there was a fog.

F-O-G. F as in fudge, dear.

No, dear, fudge.

O as in osteopath.

Yes, dear.

What?

Why don't you spend it with your husband for a change?

No, no, nah, nah, go on now.

Go to sleep.

(knuckles tapping) Can't you read?

No, no, no, I wasn't talking to you.

I'm very sorry, darling.

It's someone at this hotel.

(knuckles tapping) I'll read it for you!

It says, "Do not disturb."

What, dear?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, go on, darling.

As if I'd ever look at anybody else.

That's silly.

>> No, it does not.

It's more polite.

It says, "Please do not disturb."

>> Well?

>> Well what?

>> That's just what I'd like to know.

To whom do I owe the unexpected pleasure of this visit?

I mean, what's the general idea?

>> I was just looking for something.

>> Oh, well whatever it is, I'm afraid you won't find it in my room.

>> I'm very tired and I was looking for a place to sleep.

>> Oh.

>> And this seems practically ideal for that purpose.

>> Yes, that's just what I was thinking when you came bursting in.

>> I didn't burst.

I crept.

>> Oh, may I ask when you propose to creep out again?

>> Oh, after the usual eight hours and breakfast.

>> Oh really?

So we're going to bunk in together, are we?

>> There are two rooms, one for each of us.

>> Yes, but both beds are in here.

>> There's a couch in there.

You can have the couch.

>> What?

Of all the shameless impudence.

Was there ever anything more female?

And you actually thought you could get away with it!

>> If you had any decent feelings, you'd insist on turning out.

>> Did you or did you not hear what I said to the manager?

>> Naturally I overheard some of it.

>> Yes, and so little feeling that you would filch my bed from under my very nose, knowing perfectly well that I've been up for two nights and I've got a hard day's work tomorrow, assuming I can't resist your fascination.

(chuckles) I'm really very sleepy.

Will you please go?

>> You don't really mean that.

You're much too nice to turn me out.

>> Nice?

My dear young lady, you don't know me.

The trouble with me is that I'm weak.

A charming young girl like you could put anything over on me in five minutes, but at least I know my weakness, so I force myself to be rude.

Sometimes even brutal!

>> You do like talking about yourself, don't you?

>> Well, yes.

Most men do.

But at least they know the truth about themselves.

Women don't.

They only know the truth about each other.

>> Well, we'll have a nice long talk about you some other time.

Now, as you're so very tired, I won't keep you up.

So, goodnight.

>> What did you say?

>> I said goodnight.

>> Well, yes, I heard you say goodnight.

But what do you mean by saying goodnight?

You can't come in here and say things like, look here.

I'm very, very tired.

Will you please go?

>> You don't mean that.

>> Oh, yes I do.

I've met too many women like you before.

Conceited, sure of yourself, and sure of your power over men, utterly unscrupulous, ruthless, conceited, spoiled!

>> Don't do that!

>> You're married, aren't you?

>> Yes.

>> Yes, yes, I know.

There's a poor, wretched husband waiting for you, sitting at home, wondering where you are, hoping against hope that his worst fears aren't justified.

And this time, for once, they aren't!

This time you're with a man who isn't in the least bit stirred by your charms.

Now, I must repeat.

Will you, please?

>> How do you know so much about women?

>> Because in my profession I have to be able to see what's behind those lovely, deceiving lips.

>> Are you a dentist?

>> No!

I'm a barrister, and the next time we meet will probably be in court when your husband is suing you for a divorce.

>> Divorce?

Oh no, he'd never do that.

>> He must have a very beautiful nature.

>> You've had a very tiring journey, haven't you?

>> Yes, I have!

>> And it's such a pity that the fog made you late and spoiled your evening.

But remember, it's that same fog that's now keeping me from going home to my dear husband.

>> If you don't mind my asking, what is your name?

>> I do mind, a little.

>> Good.

You have some sense of discretion, anyway.

And you may have my couch for the night.

>> Oh, you're a darling!

>> Why don't you keep away from me, or I might change my mind.

(gentle music) Goodnight, Lady X.

>> Goodnight, you dear, kind, generous, beautiful man.

Oh!

(gentle music continues) Oh, mister... >> What is it?

>> Leslie: Would you come in here for a minute, please?

>> Well?

>> I thought I'd try the couch, but you see for yourself it's impossible to sleep on.

>> There's a nice, thick rug on the floor.

Try that.

>> Leslie: But there are two beds in your room.

>> Well?

>> I'd never dream of such a thing.

But we could move one of the beds in here, couldn't we?

>> Well, yes, I suppose we could.

I'll ring for the waiter.

>> Do you think we should disturb him?

>> No.

No, perhaps we shouldn't.

If you'll wait here, I'll bring it in myself.

>> I'll come and help you.

>> I really don't need your help.

Think I'm quite capable of- >> Oh, I wouldn't dream of letting you do it by yourself.

You were kind enough to offer me your bed, and I must offer you my help.

>> All right.

Well, take that end, will you?

Now, when I say to me, from you.

>> To me from you!

>> No, no, no.

From you, to me.

>> To me!

>> To me.

I think you better leave this to me alone.

(playful music) (Leslie clicking tongue) Come on.

This is all the bed you're going to get.

Come on!

In there!

This is perfectly good enough for you.

Come on, you're very lucky to get this.

I'm beginning to get very angry about it.

Stand there.

Let me do it.

Goodness sake, don't try to help me again.

Aren't you delightful?

Women are all the same.

They can't help anyone.

Want a man move her a bed without (grumbling).

Job's in the home.

Surely hopeless.

Not sick or a scoundrel.

Nope.

Luxurious.

Regal.

Could anyone ask for a better place to spend the night?

>> No.

Goodnight.

>> Goodnight.

(gentle music) >> Goodnight.

Oh, and thank you.

(playful music) (knuckles tapping) (knuckles tapping) >> What is it?

>> I can't possibly sleep in this costume.

>> Everard: You better take it off.

>> What shall I put on?

>> Everard: Far as I'm concerned, nothing.

>> You always think of yourself.

Can't you spare some pajamas?

>> Take those off the bed.

(Leslie giggles) What's the matter?

>> How can a man wear a wig and robe with dignity in an English court if this represents his taste?

>> You think I have time to go and buy pajamas?

>> Then break with her.

>> With whom?

>> She who buys pajamas such as these cannot be a good woman.

Break with her.

>> We parted six months ago!

>> Then there's some hope for you.

Perhaps.

(gentle music) (playful plodding music) (gentle music) (knuckles tapping) >> Now what is it?

>> Leslie: You seem to have forgotten me.

>> I wish I could.

What do you want?

>> The elementary right of a wash. >> And here is the bathroom.

>> But I have to cross your bedroom.

>> Well you're wearing my pajamas, aren't you?

>> Leslie: That's the trouble.

>> Well, what do you expect me to do?

Jump out of the window?

>> Either that or turn your face to the wall.

>> I am facing the wall.

>> Now, don't you move.

>> Everard: How long for?

>> Until I tell you.

>> Everard: I shall become giddy if I go on staring at this wallpaper.

>> Leslie: Shut your eyes!

>> Sound the alarm if you're approaching again.

(gentle music) Is that the alarm?

>> Not yet.

>> What are you doing?

>> I'm in bed.

Didn't you say one could sleep just as well out there?

>> Everard: I did.

>> Have it, then.

It's better for both of us.

>> Everard: For both of us?

>> Well, can't you see what a delicate, what a painful situation I'm in?

Out there I'm a guest, trespassing on a man's chivalry.

In here, with everything round me, the, um, that and that, I feel less like an intruder and more like the legal owner of the suite.

>> I see.

>> Your conscience at rest, just think how much better you'd sleep.

>> Everard: All right.

You win.

>> Oh no, no, no.

You win.

Over yourself.

>> You win!

(bright music) I shall see you one day in the divorce court.

>> You'll never see me in the divorce court.

>> Don't you perjure yourself!

I shall see you in the divorce court if this is a sample of your ordinary behavior.

>> But is there anything wrong in what we do?

(Everard gasps) Is there anything wrong in what I do?

>> No.

Goodnight.

>> Goodnight.

Sleep well.

(gentle music) (playful music) What are you looking for?

>> My book.

You give me that book.

>> You can take any other book but this.

>> There is no other book but that.

>> But I simply couldn't give this up.

I must know who killed the wealthy and wise Chinese banker.

Don't tell me!

>> I want to know it myself.

I've only read half of it.

Here, I'll make you an offer.

>> The offer is unacceptable!

>> But you can't read the whole book tonight.

>> Oh, but I very seldom do that.

I read the beginning and I read the end!

Who killed so-and-so?

Can it have been the mysterious lady in pajamas?

>> Yes!

(cries out) (Leslie giggles) (playful music) (Everard groans) (playful music continues) (gentle music) (jaunty music) (suspenseful music) (bright music) (somber music) (gentle music) >> Good morning, sir.

Eight o'clock, sir.

Nice morning.

Your breakfast is served, sir.

>> What?

>> Your breakfast is served, madam.

>> Oh, thank you.

Would you bring another one, please?

>> Waiter: Another what, madam?

>> Another breakfast.

>> Certainly, sir.

Madam.

(gentle music continues) (water pattering) (playful plodding music) (gentle music) (water pattering) (playful plodding music) (dramatic music) (knuckles tapping) >> Who's there?

>> Everard: Must you seize the bath precisely at eight o'clock?

>> Oh, did you have a good night's sleep?

>> I've had a rotten night's sleep, and I've got to be in court by half past 10.

>> Leslie: Shan't be long now!

>> Yes, we all know what that means.

Hello?

What about my breakfast?

What?

What do you mean I've had two already?

>> The second breakfast, madam.

I mean, sir.

>> Everard: What's the matter with you?

>> Well, the fog was pretty severe last night, sir, and things seem to be a little disorganized this morning.

>> You're telling me.

Take that into the other room.

>> Yes.

What about that one, sir?

>> Put that in there, too.

(phone cradle clicking) >> Certainly, sir.

(Leslie humming) >> Oh.

Good morning.

>> Good morning.

>> Hello?

Berkeley 6347.

>> Hello?

>> Hello?

Is that you, Jefferies?

Is His Lordship down yet?

No, no, don't disturb him.

But will you tell him I spent the night at the Royal Parks Hotel and that I'll be along later?

>> Well, you know what His Lordship's like, Miss Leslie.

Likely as not he'll be on your tail for being out of the towers last night.

You better give me your room number, if you please.

>> Oh.

Beautiful?

What's the number of this room?

>> 317.

>> I was talking to a waiter.

What did you say?

>> 317.

>> 317.

Yes, goodbye.

What have you done with my breakfast?

>> It's in there.

>> You do think of everything.

>> Breakfast is served (stammering)...

It's ready.

>> Ah, good.

By the way, what is your name?

>> Logan.

>> Lo-gan?

>> No, not Lo-gan.

It's not Chinese.

Logan.

>> Don't like it.

For me?

>> Yes.

>> May I?

>> Oh yes.

Do, do.

Only don't mess it about.

>> Oh.

Oh, look what you've done.

You've got it in the butter and the marmalade.

Allow me.

>> Thank you.

(spoon tapping) >> Leslie: Salt?

>> Thank you.

I ordered these eggs medium boiled.

>> Disgraceful.

At a big hotel like this?

>> Yours the same?

>> No, mine are just right.

(cup clatters) >> Cold, like... >> Dishwater.

Try some marmalade.

It'll probably taste of printer's ink.

>> No thank you.

>> You must eat something, you know, with a long, hard day's work ahead of you.

>> I really don't want anything, thank you.

Do you mind telling me this morning what your name is?

>> Leslie.

>> Everard: What Leslie?

>> What do you mean, "What Leslie?"

Leslie is my Christian name.

>> Oh!

Leslie.

Odd.

>> What's yours?

>> Everard.

>> What?

>> Everard!

>> Incredible.

>> You don't like that either?

>> Could never get used to that.

>> Well, who's asking you to?

Is there anything else you'd like to know?

>> Yes, one more thing.

You always like this in the morning?

>> Until I have my first cigarette, and then...

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

>> Feel very sorry for the woman you're going to marry.

>> (laughs) I shan't marry.

Unless I can arrange that little divorce for you.

Heavens!

Time.

What do you say?

>> About what?

>> Everard: That divorce.

>> I told you, I shan't need your professional services.

Thanks very much.

>> Everard: Your poor, benighted husband might.

>> And why poor benighted?

>> Everard: Because you deceive him!

>> I certainly do not.

>> Everard: Oh, didn't I hear you telephone that you were talking to a waiter?

I ask you, me, a waiter?

>> What did you say you were?

A solicitor?

>> Everard: Solicitor.

Lawyer, barrister!

And being a barrister, one does at least learn to judge human character.

One lie like that from you in the witness box, I'd know what to think about you all right.

>> That seals my fate with you then, hmm?

>> You've one priceless asset.

>> Leslie: I'm dying to hear it.

>> You're a perfect angel in the morning.

I'm perfectly insufferable.

That's a rare quality in a woman.

The wife must be adorable.

>> That's a very rash statement, seeing we're complete strangers.

>> We're anything but.

We know each other better than most people after they've been married for years.

We're tied together by invisible bonds.

How can we part now forever?

How can we meet again as perfect strangers?

How can I say the things to you that perfect strangers say to each other?

No, I must see you again.

Where can we meet?

Savoy, Embassy, Claridge's?

Lunch, dinner, supper?

Today, tomorrow, tonight?

Are you free tonight?

Hmm?

Come on, come on, come on.

Are you or aren't you?

Come on, come on.

Come clean.

Are you or aren't you?

Answer me, woman!

Where are you?

(dramatic music) Oh, I am sorry.

I beg your pardon.

>> My dear, that was the creature that lay gloating in bed all night while we were rolling about on the billiard table.

>> Beast.

(dramatic music) (gentle music) >> Have you finished with the trays, madam?

>> Get out.

>> Very good, sir.

>> I suppose you describe this liquid as a concoction of coffee beans.

I'll tell you what it is.

Dishwater!

Tastes of the gutter.

(spoon tapping) For 40 years I have been asking you to give me medium boiled eggs.

Are these medium boiled?

They are not.

They are in the same fluid and virginal state as when they left the hen!

You've been messing this paper about, and trying to do the crossword puzzle.

>> I don't read your paper.

I have my own, and you know it.

>> Altogether, I know too much about you.

>> Then I'd better go, altogether.

>> That is exactly what I wanted to tell you.

>> Jefferies: Good morning, Miss Leslie.

>> Good morning!

Well what's the matter, Jefferies?

>> His Lordship's just given me notice again.

>> Oh!

Oh, come along, he's just taking his cigar.

Morning, Grandpa.

>> Leslie?

Where have you been?

>> Hasn't Jefferies told you?

>> I most certainly did tell you.

>> Oh, thank you.

>> Jefferies: You know perfectly well there was a fog last night and Miss Leslie spent the night at the Royal Parks Hotel.

>> Her father and mother are in India, and I'm responsible for her.

>> So am I.

>> You?

I'm her grandfather.

>> Jefferies: Seems I know her better.

>> Well, I'm appalled to think that my granddaughter should leave this house at nine in the evening and return at nine in the morning.

>> You know perfectly well there are some girls you can't trust to go out and post a letter, but Miss Leslie you could trust to go to the North Pole.

>> Isn't it my duty to ask her for a full account of her goings?

>> Full account?

You're not a prying and meddlesome judge.

You're an adoring grandfather.

(Grandpa chuckles) >> Grandpa?

>> Yes, darling?

>> Do you know a man called Logan?

>> Logan?

>> Logan, Everard, Barrister- >> One second, one second.

Logan.

Yeah, he'll be in my court today.

>> Will he?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Splendid.

What's he like, Grandpa?

>> Logan?

Oh, he's a good cross-examiner.

Ooh, but a wretched fisherman.

(chuckles) Why do you ask?

>> I think he'll marry me.

>> Did he propose?

>> Oh, no.

He doesn't know about it yet.

>> Well, if he didn't know about it, how did... Leslie!

What on earth are you wearing?

>> Bad taste, aren't they?

They're his pajamas.

>> Whose?

>> Logan's.

>> How comes it you're wearing the pajamas of a man whose existence yesterday you knew nothing?

>> I slept in his bed.

>> What?

>> Well, you see, he has two beds, so we transported number two into the sitting room, and I slept in number one.

>> Leslie, this is the limit.

>> Didn't I tell you Miss Leslie was all right?

You don't understand the new generation.

>> No, and I don't think anybody else does, either.

>> Grandpa?

>> Yes, dear.

>> He doesn't know who I am.

>> Grandpa: Who?

>> Logan!

He thought I was a woman, and a very wicked woman.

>> (chuckles) Not much like a woman, and certainly not like a wicked woman.

>> But I behaved like one.

And he saw this ridiculous thing and thought I was married.

>> Grandpa: He's a blockhead.

>> He certainly is not!

>> If a slip of a girl and a ring can deceive a man, he must be a dunce.

>> Jefferies, did it never happen when you were a little younger that Grandpa was led up the garden path by a girl?

>> Never.

(scoffs) >> And you're a wise and great judge now, and so will Logan be one day, given a little time.

And then no one will be able to fool him.

>> How much time?

>> Oh, 40 or 50 years.

>> (chuckles) Oh, you take that notice I gave you seriously?

>> No, milord.

>> Good boy.

>> Good morning, Mr. Logan.

>> Morning, Slade.

Thank you, Tom.

>> Welcome back to London.

>> Thank you.

It's a sweet little town.

>> Slade: Except for the weather, of course.

>> What's the matter with it?

London weather's the best in the world.

>> Slade: Last night's fog for example.

>> Exactly.

Where else would you find such a phenomenon?

The finest city in the world dons an impenetrable veil of mystery.

Life becomes an enthralling adventure.

Fate guides your footsteps, and at any moment you might meet a miracle.

>> I see.

Then you did meet the miracle.

>> Oh, leave that alone.

(Slade chuckles) >> But strictly speaking, you're always in the habit of meeting miracles, fog or no fog.

And if I might say a word upon that subject, isn't it about time you stop these encounters with miracle after miracle?

>> He knows me, my dear fella, member of my club.

Mere.

Mere.

>> Oh!

Lord Mere, yes, yes.

How do you do?

>> How are you, my dear chap?

How are you?

Terribly well?

Don't ask me, I'm terribly unwell.

>> What's the trouble?

>> The trouble?

The trouble?

My wife.

>> Everard: What's the trouble with Lady Mere?

>> The trouble?

She's just spent the night with a man.

Isn't that trouble enough here?

Isn't that grounds for divorce?

>> Good enough for any court in the world.

But the correct procedure is to see your solicitor.

>> Yes, yes, I know the correct procedure.

But a fellow at the club told me that you can dissolve a marriage as quickly as an aspirin tablet.

So before going to any solicitor, chap, I want your advice.

>> Yes, well, I'm rather busy, so if you'll give me the essential facts and I'll- >> I've given you the essentials.

She spent the night- >> Yes, yes.

I know.

But do you love her?

>> What?

I mean to say, yes.

>> Then why do you want to divorce her?

>> Well, dash it all.

One can't afford to be made a fool of, can one?

After all, there are limits.

>> Yes, I understand you perfectly, Lord Mere.

You've given your wife your name, your fortune, and your devoted love.

She in return has given you the anguish of humiliation.

>> That's it.

You have it exactly, my dear fellow.

>> I've heard the same story too many times.

The adoring husband and the cheating wife.

What evidence have you?

>> Last night she left the house before dinner and didn't return until nine o'clock this morning.

Suspicious in itself.

Then, there's the eyewitness testimony of the maid who went to the hotel and saw her emerging- >> What hotel was it?

>> Lord Mere: The Royal Parks.

>> What did you say?

>> Lord Mere: The Royal Parks.

I daresay you saw it in the paper, there was a costume ball given there last night, a charity affair.

Ha ha, charity.

>> Yes, yes, I heard something about that.

>> Now, there's another very significant point.

She was out all night and in fancy dress.

Can you wonder at my being a bit upset?

>> No, no, no.

I don't wonder at all.

But tell me, what sort of costume did she wear?

>> I don't see the costume has any bearing on the matter.

>> Oh, yes it has.

For instance, if she'd been dressed as a deep-sea diver, one would feel easier about it, wouldn't one?

>> Ah, but she wasn't.

She was entrancingly beautiful.

She was dressed as a French lady of the Second Empire.

You know, the Empress Eugenie, crinolines, that sort of thing.

>> Yes, I know.

>> There was a very heavy fog last night.

>> Yes, I'm conscious of it.

>> Now, I couldn't accompany my wife to the ball.

Like a fool, I went to a banquet.

You know, old regiment.

Good chaps, bad food.

>> Yes, yes, yes.

Get on with it, please.

What happened?

>> She spent the night at the hotel, but not alone.

>> How do you know?

>> From Saunders.

>> Whose Saunders?

>> Her maid.

>> Everard: How does she know?

>> Because she went to the hotel with some clothes.

>> Did your wife ask for the clothes?

>> She did not, she just telephoned about nine o'clock to say that she was coming home presently, but I sent Saunders.

And Saunders heard from the corridor of the hotel that she was talking in her room with a man.

>> Did Saunders go in?

>> Saunders did not.

She's clever and loyal.

She listened.

>> What did she hear?

>> She saw.

She saw my wife emerging from the room at about a quarter to nine, and she saw a man come out of the same room after her.

>> And?

>> And?

And what?

Isn't that enough for you?

>> Enough?

You have the audacity to bring against your wife the most serious charge that can be brought against a woman and you expect me to mobilize the law against a superb woman on the grounds of Saunders listening at her door?

Quarter to nine, fancy dress, and a strange young man?

>> What, you mean you refuse my case?

>> There is no case!

I refuse it indignantly.

>> If you'll only listen to Saunders.

>> I don't wish to listen to Saunders.

I've heard quite enough.

From all that you've said, Lord Mere, I've gained a very clear picture of your wife.

A noble woman, fearless, devoted, pure in heart, not at all the type of woman that would do anything to besmirch the family escutcheon.

>> What about my humiliation?

>> You took her for better or worse, didn't you?

>> Lord Mere: And she promised to love, honor, and obey.

>> Think back to that sacred ceremony.

There she stood, an innocent girl, about to face the most perilous moment in her life.

>> Look here, Logan, you've got this slightly mixed.

She was not an innocent girl.

Before she married me she was divorced from a fellow called Lauderdale who trains racehorses.

>> Oh.

>> Ha ha, I'll make you say oh again.

Before she married Lauderdale, she was divorced from the Baron de Brezac who makes an inferior grade of brandy.

>> She's a French woman?

>> An American.

Her first husband was called Wild Man Cavanaugh.

A professional wrestler by trade, she got rid of him at Reno.

>> Seems impossible.

Four marriages, and she's so young.

>> Lord Mere: Who said she was so young?

>> Uh, you did, didn't you?

>> Ha ha!

As a matter of fact, she looks young, entrancingly so.

But she's a serpently woman, a viper who coils herself about the heart of innocent men and then strikes.

I must be rid of her or face certain ruin.

>> Yes, I'm beginning to see your point, Lord Mere.

>> Good fellow.

Then you'll take my case?

>> Well, I shall think it over, then.

That's all I can say just now.

I told you I was very busy.

I'll call you later in the day.

Very busy.

Good day.

>> Yes.

(grunts) >> Good day.

A horse trainer, a brandy dealer, and a wrestler.

>> Well, what's the matter with you?

>> Do you know who that was in here?

>> Yes, Lord Mere.

Everybody knows him.

One of the best shots in the army.

>> Oh, is he really?

That costume belongs to his wife.

>> What?

So the miracle's identified.

Lady Mere.

(whistles) >> Please don't whistle.

>> You have got yourself into a nice mess now.

How are you going to stand up in court and blaggard co-respondents for doing exactly what you've been doing yourself?

>> Look here, Slade!

That's the dreadful part of it.

I didn't do anything.

>> (chuckles) And what would you say to a co-respondent who told you that?

>> But it's true, I tell you!

I swear to you!

Nothing happened!

Nothing at all!

>> All right, go ahead and swear, but Mr. Logan, do you expect me to believe that nothing happened?

Oh, I say.

(laughs) >> Mrs. Johnson, do you expect me to believe that nothing happened?

>> Well, uh, that is, you see, well, nothing of any consequence, if you get what I mean.

>> Oh yes, yes, I get what you mean.

So I've no doubt does His Lordship.

>> I'm afraid I should prefer an explanation.

>> Any explanation, Mrs. Johnson?

Can you explain to His Lordship what you mean?

We have ample opportunities in this court for learning what women mean, or what they mean they mean if in these days they mean anything at all.

(observers laughing) >> Bailiff: Silence in court.

>> Milord, there is one very simple explanation of this case: Mrs. Johnson is a woman.

I need scarcely remind Your Lordship that woman has a religion of her own, the ancient creed of womanhood.

It contains only one article of faith, but every woman sincerely and steadfastly believes in it.

And that is that she is the unique and perfect achievement of the human species, a being especially evolved to be above criticism, beyond reproach, and outside the law.

Man, in his folly and kindness, has been bamboozled into accepting woman as a rational being, and has granted her emancipation on that assumption.

What is his reward?

Modern woman has disowned womanhood, but refuses man's obligations.

She demands freedom but won't accept responsibility.

She insists upon time to develop her personality, and she spends it in cogitating on which part of her body to paint next.

By independence she means idleness.

By equality she means carrying on like Catherine the Great!

>> Carry on like who, Mr. Logan?

>> Everard: Catherine the Great, milord.

>> Oh, carry on like Catherine the Great, eh?

Oh, thank you.

(chuckles) >> By companionship with man, she means that he should wait upon her hand and foot.

Modern woman has no loyalty, decency, or justice, no endurance, reticence, or self-control, no affection, fine feelings, or mercy.

In short, she is unprincipled, relentless, and exacting, idle, unproductive, and tedious, unimaginative, humorless, and vain, vindictive, undignified, and weak.

And the sooner man takes out his whip again, the better for sanity and progress.

Milord, that is the explanation of Mrs. Johnson, and that is the explanation of this case.

You may stand down.

(observers chattering) (group chattering) >> I tell you, Saunders, you mustn't be afraid of Mr. Logan.

He'll ask you some questions.

You must reply to them truthfully.

>> I never.

Whatever will Lady Mere think of me?

>> Whatever Lady Mere thinks, no harm will come to you.

>> Lord Mere's here.

He's got his solicitor with him and the principal witness, Saunders, the maid.

>> But I can't let her see me!

She was at the hotel!

>> Well, you've got to be caught sometime.

It may as well be now.

>> No, no, no, my- >> (indistinct) We'll go right in now.

Ah, Logan, I thought I heard your voice.

Now, this is Holfry, my solicitor.

You know each other, don't you?

>> Good morning, Logan.

>> And this is Saunders that I told you about.

>> Hi.

How do you do?

Please sit there, there.

>> Have you any further doubts about my case, Saunders will dispel them.

Saunders, you saw the man, didn't you?

>> Saunders: I did, milord.

>> And you've never seen him before?

>> Well, I'm not sure, milord.

>> You're not sure?

You can't have seen him very clearly.

>> I didn't have my glasses on, sir.

>> Ah, then you wouldn't be able to recognize him, would you?

>> Oh, I didn't say that, sir.

I didn't say I wouldn't recognize him.

I said I didn't recognize him.

>> She's very intelligent, old boy.

Now, Saunders, just tell Mr. Logan what you saw.

Describe the man.

>> Oh, well, milord, I don't know that I could describe him.

>> Oh, you may try.

>> Well, I don't quite know what to say.

He was just an ordinary, commonplace sort of man.

>> (scoffs) Describe the man.

Details, details, woman.

>> No, no, no, don't be impatient.

Give the poor girl a chance.

Now, Saunders, just you don't be afraid.

Just tell Mr. Logan exactly, was he tall or short?

>> Oh, he was just about ordinary height.

>> Was he dark, fair, or ginger?

>> He was what you might call medium.

>> Everard: Was he young?

Old?

>> Well, he was what you might call, um- >> Medium.

>> Saunders: Medium, that's right, sir.

>> Was he clean-shaven?

>> Well, uh... >> Had he got a beard?

>> Oh, no milord, no.

No, I'm quite positive about that.

He hadn't got a beard.

He might have had a small mustache, though.

>> Ah!

He had a mustache.

>> Saunders: No.

No, he didn't.

>> Well, at any event, you're quite sure that you've never seen him before or since?

>> Oh, quite, quite, sir.

>> What is it, Slade?

>> The lady is here, sir?

>> What lady?

>> The lady in the case.

>> The lady in the case.

Ah, excuse me.

Well, what have you come here for?

>> To return these, your pajamas.

>> Thank you.

Anything else?

>> Why, what's happened to you?

You're not nearly as sweet as you were at breakfast.

>> I'll tell you what's happened.

Your husband's in there.

>> Who?

>> Oh, I don't blame you at all for being so confused, after all the husbands you have to look back on.

But this isn't the horse trainer or the brandy dealer or the wrestler.

This happens to be your latest, Lord Mere.

>> Lord Mere?

>> Everard: Yes, that's the one.

>> And who told you he was my husband?

>> He did.

He told me everything.

And you'll be just as unpleasantly surprised as I was to learn how very much he does know.

He knows all about the Royal Parks Hotel and the costume!

>> But, uh, what does he want of you?

>> Divorce, divorce, divorce!

>> Lord Mere wants a divorce.

Very interesting.

>> Yes, isn't it?

>> And you're gonna help him get it, I hope.

>> Help him to divorce you when I'm the co-respondent?

(Leslie snorts) Oh yes, I can understand your being so callous, with all your experience, but let me tell you, it'll mean ruin to me.

Ruin!

Ha, I can just imagine what Lord Steele will say about it.

>> Lord Steele?

>> Yes, of all the judges I have to face, he's the nastiest.

He'll rejoice at my disgrace.

>> But, um, if Lord Mere gets what he wants, then I'll be free.

You and I could, so to speak, get together.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

>> At the expense of my career?

(scoffs) You flatter yourself.

>> Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you were beginning to be rather fond of me.

I know I couldn't help liking you, even though you were rather unpleasant at first.

But I suppose there's nothing left for me but to take my medicine and go.

>> I can certainly understand how you've trapped all those men.

>> All what men?

>> Lauderdale, and the Baron de Brezac, and Wild Man somebody or other.

>> Oh.

Oh, those.

>> Yes, those.

And then poor Lord Mere.

And now me.

>> You?

>> Yes.

I shouldn't admit it.

I love you.

Even now, now that I know the horrible truth.

I'm wild about you.

I want to take you in my arms.

>> Then why don't you?

>> I don't know.

What am I doing standing here kissing you?

>> And doing it very well, if I may say so!

>> When your husband is in there, and his solicitor, and Saunders, who saw us both!

Wait here.

(door thuds) >> Now think, Saunders.

Think, you know, just think.

Don't be a fool, Saunders.

>> Oh, I am thinking, sir.

I really am!

I can't go on- >> Now, now, now.

>> Sit down and try and think of something.

>> Now, where were we?

Oh yes, the man from the Royal Parks Hotel.

You say you wouldn't recognize this man's face at all?

>> No, sir, no.

But I think I'd know his walk, sir.

>> Yes, but you've never seen him, before or since?

>> No, sir.

But I've known all the other gentlemen that we had since we got our first divorce in Reno.

>> Saunders has been the faithful maid of my wife ever since her first marriage, haven't you, Saunders?

>> Yes, milord.

Five years.

>> Five years.

You've established a world's record, Saunders.

Now then, after the divorce in Reno, came the marriage with the Baron de Brezac?

>> No, sir, no.

After Mr. Cavanaugh, came Mr. Miller.

>> Mr. Miller?

>> Unofficial, sir.

>> Unofficial?

Innocent friendship.

>> Well... >> Yes, yes, well I don't think all these details are necessary.

>> I'm very sorry, Lord Mere, but if you want me to handle this case I must hear every detail.

Yes, you only do yourself harm if you hide anything from your doctor or your lawyer.

>> Right.

>> Right.

Yes.

Now then, after Mr. Miller?

>> Uh, Mr. van Houten.

>> Unofficial.

>> Unofficial.

>> And after Mr. van Houten?

>> Mm, Baron de Brezac.

>> Everard: How long till the divorce?

>> 14 months, sir.

>> 14 months.

And after the Baron de Brezac?

>> Saunders: Unofficially, sir, Mr. Miller.

>> Mr. Miller came after Mr. Cavanaugh?

>> No, sir, no.

That was Mr. Miller the first, sir.

This is Mr. Miller the second, sir.

>> Oh.

Is there a Mr. Miller the third?

>> No, sir, no.

Only Senor Mendoza from the Argentine.

And then Mr. Lauderdale, and then His Lordship, sir.

>> Plain sailing, isn't it?

>> Well, Logan, have you got all you want?

>> Yeah.

>> Will you undertake my case?

>> Yes, I will.

My friend Holfry will prepare it for me, and I will get your divorce for you.

>> Good lad.

Now, come along.

You're sure you're not worried about us not knowing the man at the Royal Parks Hotel?

>> I know the man at the Royal Parks Hotel.

>> Lord Mere: What?

>> That is, I know the kind of fellow he must have been.

After Mr. Miller the first and Mr. Miller the second, and Senor Mendoza from the Argentine, he looks like being a fourth fool.

Good afternoon.

Where is she?

>> Who, the miracle?

She's gone.

I say, I had no idea you permeated your pajamas with such a delightful perfume.

>> Get out.

>> Anything else?

>> No.

>> I do beg of you not to ask me one thing.

>> Everard: What's that?

>> Don't ask me to believe that nothing happened.

(dramatic music) (book thuds) (tense music) (gentle romantic music) (engines rumbling) >> I've decided to take on the case.

>> You've decided to face scandal?

>> Yes.

>> Ruin?

>> Yes.

>> (chuckles) And the reason for the sudden courage is because Saunders is shortsighted and you think you're safe.

>> One's never safe in a case like this.

>> Then why take it on?

>> Because I hope that you will marry me when you are free.

Will you?

(gentle jazzy music) Will you?

(gentle jazzy music continues) >> Here you are, sir.

>> All right.

(gentle jazzy music continues) Will you?

Why don't you answer?

Surely that thought was somewhere in the back of your mind when you came to see me in my office.

>> It might have been.

But then I didn't like you in your office.

I much preferred you in your bedroom.

>> Our bedroom.

>> My bedroom.

>> Surely that's the proper place to judge your future husband.

>> Aren't you frightened anymore of the hectic years of my past?

>> I want to talk to you.

Let's dance.

(bright music) You look so incredibly young.

>> Matter of fact, I don't feel old at all.

>> Sometimes when you smile at me I feel that you're as guileless and innocent as a child.

>> That's why I smile at you.

>> Seems incredible that you should have been married four times in five years.

Why did you divorce Cavanaugh?

>> Oh, Cavanaugh.

Well, he became a bore.

>> The Baron de Brezac?

>> He became a bore, too.

>> And Lauderdale?

>> Oh, he was the most awful bore of the lot.

I'd much rather be married to a brute than to a bore.

>> Hope I've not become a bore yet.

>> Oh no.

I find you very interesting.

Very, very amusing.

(dancers applauding) (dancers chattering) (dramatic music) >> I adore you.

Do you love me?

>> I like you.

>> Is that all?

>> I'm very fond of you.

>> That's not enough.

>> I might be interested in you.

>> That's still not enough.

Please be frank with me.

I thought that the greatest virtue of the modern woman was her absolute frankness.

>> But haven't I been frank with you?

Haven't I told you all about, uh, Brezac and Cavanaugh and Lauderdale?

What more do you want?

(dramatic music continues) Now what is the matter?

>> Miller.

>> Miller?

What about Miller?

>> Yes, what about Miller?

>> Oh, Miller.

An episode.

>> And Miller the second?

Anther episode, I suppose.

>> Of course.

>> Everard: Four marriages in five years, and two episodes.

>> You don't seem to appreciate my frankness.

I think I'll go home.

>> Oh no, please, really, I do appreciate your frankness.

And I care so much that I can understand how it happened.

>> Can you really?

>> Yes, of course.

It's perfectly simple.

You were poor before your first marriage.

He offered you everything that made life worth living.

How were you to know that the one essential thing was missing?

How should you?

Of course the marriage failed.

But a woman like you, a woman with ideals is just like a man.

She has to go on searching until she finds the right man, the real man, the one man in the world for her.

>> You?

>> I hope so.

I'm sure of it.

Aren't you?

>> One can never be sure of anything with a past like mine.

>> Oh, but my darling, when a woman is in love she has no past.

She's reborn.

She's an innocent girl again.

Don't you see, my darling, it's perfectly simple.

That if only you... Oh!

>> What is it?

>> Your husband.

Don't look.

>> Where?

>> Everard: Over there in the corner.

(somber music) >> Coward.

>> I'm not.

I just don't want a public brawl, that's all.

>> Very well.

Let's go.

>> No, not that way.

>> The usual magnum for two?

>> The usual magnum for one.

>> Taxi!

(engine whirring) I'll take you home.

>> No, no, that wouldn't do, thank you.

I'll go home alone.

Goodnight.

Grosvenor Square, please.

>> Yes, but what number Grosvenor Square?

>> Not telling.

>> But how shall I?

Wait!

When shall I see you?

>> Thursday afternoon, your office!

Tea!

(somber music) Hello, Grandpa?

Sorry I'm late.

>> Not at all.

Proposals take some time.

>> How did you know?

>> Little girls have an especial glitter in their eyes after a proposal, even today.

>> You're a wise old man.

>> Did you tell that jackass the truth about yourself?

>> No.

And he's not a jackass.

>> Does he still think you're a cheap woman?

Then he is a jackass.

>> He think I'm the wickedest woman in the whole world.

He thinks I've had four husbands and several- >> Did you tell him that you had four husbands and several?

>> No!

He told me.

You know Lady Mere?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Well, she was at the ball at the Royal Parks Hotel, and she had a winter ball costume, too.

And some adventure- >> Too.

>> And Lord Mere's divorcing her and Logan thinks I'm she.

>> Thinks that you're Lady Mere?

>> Yes, but he's very sympathetic and very understanding.

He sees very clearly that my unfortunate past was one long search for the right man.

>> Grandpa: (chuckles) Himself.

>> (chuckles) Yes.

And he also said that a woman is chaste and reborn again when she's in love.

>> Mm, I don't like the sound of that.

He may get a shock when he discovers the truth.

>> But aren't you a little cynical, Grandpa?

>> I don't think so.

And every day I learn things about which even the cleverest grandchildren know nothing at all.

>> But you don't mean that he might prefer a bad woman to a- >> Very often.

And so do you.

>> Me?

>> Certainly.

What made you play the woman with the past?

Because you felt you could wear your imaginary adventures like an alluring costume, didn't you?

Yes, and apparently with great success.

The danger is that when the costume falls off, the young man may look at you and wonder what on earth he saw in such an innocent little slip of a girl.

>> Granddad, what shall I do?

I love the brute so much.

>> Holfry telephoned to ask whether you really agree that the Mere case brief should be prepared on the basis that the co-respondent is unknown.

>> I agree.

>> But you know perfectly well that he's not unknown!

It'll be disastrous for you if it comes out in court who the co-respondent really is.

>> I don't care.

I'll get Lady Mere her divorce if I have to close up this shop.

>> That's all right, my boy, no need to announce me.

Ah, there you are.

How are you, old boy?

I hope you're terribly well.

>> Thank you, yes, I am, terrible well.

>> Yes, so am I.

>> Terribly well?

>> Yes, terribly well.

>> Why?

What's happened?

>> Lord Mere: I met her.

>> Everard: Who?

>> My wife.

She's superb.

And Saunders is an idiot, and I am a fool.

The man in her room at the Royal Parks Hotel was the manager of the hotel.

You were the only one that was right.

You gave it me at first.

I owe my happiness entirely to you.

She owes her happiness entirely to you.

It's a new honeymoon for us.

Thank you, old boy.

>> Not at all.

>> By the way, I'm sorry to have troubled you in vain.

>> No, no.

>> Yes, yes, but I know how it is.

I said to my dear wife, I said, "That fellow Logan's the most awfully decent chap in the world.

At first he refused our case, he refused a fat case, so not to spoil our happiness."

Goodbye.

>> And what did she say?

>> She said you were the most awfully decent fellow in the world, and so you are.

>> Will you give her a message?

>> Eh?

>> Will you tell her from me that I think she's the most awfully clever woman in the world?

(playful music) (doorbell ringing) (playful music) >> You can't open the door with your umbrella.

Where's your key?

>> Well, why do you have to come and open the door?

Where's the butler?

>> He's gone.

>> And Saunders?

>> She's gone, too.

>> And Cook?

>> I fired them all.

I won't have paid enemies in my own house!

(tense music) >> Darling, forgive me.

My Claire.

It, uh, it was the manager?

>> What, where, when?

>> In your room at the Royal Parks Hotel.

It was the hotel manager?

>> It was not.

>> You say it was not?

Then who was it?

>> Oh, it was John, George, Engleby, Thomas, the president, the prime minister, and a baritone.

>> You're just trying to confuse me.

>> What do you want, a divorce?

All right.

You can have it.

Now get out of here.

Get out of here!

Go and see your lawyer!

>> I've seen him.

>> Well go and see him again!

>> No, no, darling.

>> Don't darling me!

(bright music) (door slams) >> Evening, Warren.

>> Good evening.

>> Goodnight, Mere.

>> Yes.

"Your wife's the most awfully clever woman in the world."

What did he mean my wife was the most awfully clever woman in the world?

Ah.

Thank you.

Good.

How much is that?

>> Eight and ninepence, milord.

>> What, eight and ninepence for a whiskey and soda?

>> That's five you've had, sir.

Four doubles already and this one, sir.

>> Here you are.

>> Thank you, milord.

>> What's your opinion of women, Peters?

>> Well, milord, they have their uses, as we know.

But as for consorting with them, as you might say, I've only dabbled in it >> Well, you leave it at that.

Women are a menace, a menace, Peters.

Remember Eden.

>> What, the foreign secretary, sir?

>> No, you fool.

The Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve.

You know the story?

>> Yes, I've heard of it, sir.

Was a bit before my time, sir.

>> Yes, well it's still going on.

The woman leads the man up the garden path and leaves him in the lurch for a snake in the grass at the Royal Parks Hotel.

>> Can't say I ever heard that bit, sir.

>> It's true.

They can't do that sort of thing to me.

I'm the last man to hang about where I'm not wanted.

You know that, Peters.

>> Yes, milord.

>> Yes, well, goodnight, Peters.

>> Goodnight, sir.

>> Curse these cigars.

(playful plodding music) >> Pickled.

(playful music continues) (phone ringing) >> Hello?

Yes, this is Logan.

>> Must see you, old boy.

Must see you, old boy.

Matter of life and death.

>> What?

But it's three o'clock.

>> I know, but I... Coming right round to see you.

It's a matter of life and death.

(soft playful music) (knuckles tapping) Why did you say my wife was the most wonderfully clever woman in the world?

>> Now, look here, Mere, it's three o'clock in the- >> Why did you say my wife was the most wonderfully clever woman in the world?

>> Sometimes one just says things for something to say!

>> No!

You lawyer chaps make your masses of money because you don't say things just for something to say.

Why?

Why did you say my wife was the most wonderfully clever woman in the world?

>> Sit down.

I thought your wife was very clever to make it up with you after the Royal Parks Hotel.

>> Mm!

She's very clever.

You're very clever.

Well, I'm very clever, too.

I wish I weren't.

>> Weren't what?

>> Clever.

Subtle.

Clear-sighted.

I shall be a happier man.

>> What's the trouble?

>> She doesn't love me anymore.

>> What do you mean?

I thought you said that you'd made it up with her?

>> Yes, but I've got a sixth sense, subtlety, knowledge of women.

She loves the man from the Royal Parks Hotel.

>> What?

Just a minute.

I've got something very important to tell you.

I am the man from the Royal Parks Hotel.

>> You?

But you can't be.

You're a barrister.

>> Your wife spent the night in one of my rooms.

But don't dare to suspect her!

Nothing happened.

>> Then why are you telling me this?

>> Because I love her.

And if you're going to divorce her, then I'm going to marry her.

>> She's going to marry you?

>> I hope so.

>> And she's in love with you?

>> I think so.

(Lord Mere laughing) >> Won't Lemitt jump sky high?

>> Everard: Who?

>> Lemitt.

>> Everard: Who's Lemitt?

>> Bunder, rotter, filthy with money.

>> Well, what's he got to do with her?

>> He's in love with her.

>> But is she in love with him?

>> Certainly not.

She's in love with you, so how can she be in love with Lemitt?

She's not that sort of woman.

Sit down.

(chuckles) Have a drink.

If I've got to divorce her, I prefer you to Lemitt.

You're a gentleman.

Lemitt is not.

Lemitt is not.

Lemitt is not.

I've told her, and I'll tell her, don't you worry.

I'll tell her Logan's a gentleman, Lemitt is not.

(bells chiming) (playful plodding music) (doorbell ringing) >> Who are you?

>> Who are you?

I belong to this flat.

I belong to this flat.

(playful music continues) >> Get out.

>> Darling, I'm wise and generous.

>> You're drunk.

>> I'm not and you will see because I have come to tell you this.

Logan's a gentlemen.

Lemitt is not.

>> Who is Logan?

>> Loyal chap.

You take him, it'll break my heart, but I wish you happiness.

>> Why should I take him?

>> You're in love with him.

>> I'm in love with him?

Who told you that?

>> Logan himself.

He's a gentleman.

It'll break my heart, but I wish you happiness.

>> Oh, I see.

So you're willing to divorce me so somebody by the name of Logan can marry me.

Is that it?

>> It'll break my heart, but I wish you happiness.

>> Will you please get out of here?

Go to your club and go to bed.

>> I wish you happiness.

(Lord Mere snoring) (jaunty music) >> Thank you.

>> Mr. Logan?

>> Uh-huh.

>> Thank you.

>> Molyneux?

>> Uh-huh.

Packard?

>> Uh-huh.

>> Tom: Who do you wish to see?

>> Both: Mr. Logan, please.

>> What names, please?

>> Both: Lady Mere.

Did you say Lady Mere?

>> Are you Lady Mere?

>> I am, but who are you?

>> Oh, Lady Mere, come with me please!

>> Well, what is the matter?

>> You come away from here and I'll tell you all about it.

>> And who are you?

>> Where are you going to from here?

>> The hairdresser's.

>> Who are they?

>> Chevaliar.

>> Come along.

>> Where is she?

>> Well, they were here, sir.

>> What do you mean, they?

Where is she?

>> She was two, sir.

>> Now, you opened the door and she came in.

>> They came in, sir.

>> What did you ask?

>> What name, madam?

>> And what did she say.

>> They said Lady Mere.

>> She.

>> They.

>> One lady said Lady Mere.

>> Two, sir.

>> There were two ladies here?

>> Two, sir.

>> And two ladies said Lady Mere?

>> Two, sir.

>> Where are they, then?

>> Well, they just disappeared, sir.

>> You better disappear, too.

Go back to your father and tell him I've no use for a congenital idiot!

>> Could've sworn there were two.

>> So I went off to the divorce court to see Mr. Logan do his stuff.

>> They tell me he's very clever.

>> Clever.

If you call clever bullying and browbeating somebody who can't hit back.

And he knows nothing at all about women.

>> Do any of them?

>> There was some wretched creature in the box called Mrs. Johnson or something, and Logan was acting for her husband.

And what do you think he said about women?

>> Could have been anything.

>> He said we were merciless, stupid, brainless, and hopeless.

>> You know, he's not far wrong.

Anything else?

>> Yes, he said that we spend half our time wondering which part of our bodies to paint next.

>> Ah, well my dear, now that is a lie.

>> What do you think of it?

>> I think it's swell.

>> I wonder if Mr. Logan would approve.

>> If you ask me, I think that guy needs a lesson.

>> He certainly does, and I'm going to give it to him.

He's in a blue funk about that night in the Royal Parks Hotel.

He thinks he's going to be cited as Lady Mere's co-respondent.

>> (laughs) Say, that's very funny.

I can hardly wait till we get home and tell little Warrie boy about this.

You know, he'll swallow his gamp, teeth, and everything else.

(laughs) >> Goodnight.

>> Goodnight, sir.

>> Oh, Slade, you're sure nobody's telephoned?

>> I'm quite sure no lady telephoned.

Goodnight.

>> Goodnight.

Goodnight.

>> Goodnight, sir.

(phone ringing) >> Hello?

>> Lady Mere wants to speak to Mr. Logan, please.

>> Hold on!

Mr. Logan, sir.

>> Yes?

>> Lady Mere.

>> Where?

>> On the telephone.

>> Hello?

>> Ask her sir, if she was two.

>> Goodnight.

Hello.

>> Hello?

>> Oh, is that you?

Oh, why didn't you come?

>> Because I don't like your office.

>> Everard: Where can I see you?

>> Where?

Well, let me see.

Why don't you come to Mere Hall for the weekend?

Mere Hall, in Hampshire, you know it.

>> Everard: Oh, yes, I know, but do you think that would be right?

>> Frightened again.

Goodbye.

>> Everard: No!

Wait, wait, wait!

>> But if you don't wanna see me... >> Well of course I want to see you, but has Lord Mere not told you?

>> Lord Mere has told me everything.

>> Everard: And do you think that his place would be the right place?

>> The only place.

But of course, if you don't wanna come... >> Everard: But of course I want to see you!

When?

>> Saturday.

>> Everard: Right.

Saturday evening.

>> All right.

Goodnight.

(Lord Mere chuckles) (group chattering) >> Ah.

(grunts) Well, Miss Leslie, feeling fit to face your fences?

>> Yes, I think so, if they're not too big.

>> Nothing's too big for that mare.

If you want a pilot, keep your eye on my wife.

>> She's good, is she?

>> Best hands I ever saw, heart like a lion.

>> Who's the man she's talking to?

>> By gad!

It's that cad, Lemitt.

>> (chuckles) Why cad?

>> Awful fella.

Shoots foxes all the summer, rides over hound half the winter.

>> (chuckles) And what does he do with his spare time?

>> Makes love to other fellas' wives.

But if he thinks he's got a chance with Claire, he's barking up the wrong tree.

>> I'll meet you at the Berkeley at three on Thursday.

>> By the way, what time are you expecting your friend Logan?

>> Oh, I should think around tea time.

He's driving down.

>> Ah, well, let's be off.

Ride.

(horn bellowing) (horse hooves clomping) (hounds bellowing) >> Hello!

>> Hello.

I didn't expect you so early.

>> I was coming to see you.

>> Hello, Logan.

Glad to see you.

Come on, my dear.

She's showing us all the way.

>> Okay.

I say, you two haven't made it up again, have you?

>> I don't know what you mean by made it up, but he's been very sweet to me.

>> Oh, well that settles it.

>> Settles what?

>> Well I'm not coming.

>> But you must.

You've accepted.

>> I can't help it.

In the fellow's house, it's all wrong.

>> Very well then, if you don't wanna see me.

>> No, I do, but look here.

Are you gonna marry me or are you not?

>> I'll tell you tonight.

>> But look here.

>> Tonight!

>> I... (horn tooting) (engine rumbling) >> Well, I wish your Mr. Logan would come down.

The suspense is killing me.

>> Me, too.

I bet he feels an awful ass when he finds out who's which what.

(group laughs) >> Then don't make it worse by laughing at him.

Please sit here.

And be quiet, will you?

Oh, and Claire, you sit, um, you sit there, will you please?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> And Grandpa, oh, Grandpa, you're fine where you are.

And oh, and Claire, when he comes in will you please say, um, "You know Miss Leslie Steele"?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> And I'll stand, um, here.

No.

Better go over there.

Stand here.

(Lord Mere cackles) Shh!

Be quiet!

>> Mr. Logan.

>> Mr. Logan, it's nice of you to come down at such short notice.

You know Lord Steele?

>> Yes, of course I do.

>> And of course you know Warren.

>> Yes, how do you do?

>> And this is Miss Steele.

>> Miss... >> Miss Leslie Steele.

(Lord Mere laughing) (Grandpa laughing) >> No, I don't know Miss Steele.

And I don't want to know Miss Steele.

I think that Miss Steele is a very unpleasant, dishonest young woman.

>> I say, old boy, don't lose your sense of humor.

It's only a bit of fun.

>> Well, you got out having your bit of fun.

You have your bit of fun with Lemitt, and you have your bit of fun with the hotel manager.

And Miss Steele can have her bit of fun with the next poor fool that falls in love with her.

In fact, you're a damn funny lot.

Goodnight.

>> Well!

Well what do you think of that?

>> By Jove, what?

>> Huh?

>> Oh, Grandpa, did you hear what he said?

>> Yes, darling.

Good, wasn't it?

(laughs) Bravo, my boy!

50 years ago I'd have done the same!

(laughs) >> And I think he's right.

>> You're not gonna let him get away with it, are you?

>> No, I'm not.

Up to now he's been after me.

Now I'm going after him.

>> Attaboy.

>> He left no address?

>> None.

>> Didn't he say when he was coming back?

>> Yes, never.

>> Well, what about his work?

>> Chucked it.

And he had the case of a lifetime coming on next week.

>> What's that?

>> The Strangeways' divorce.

Four co-respondents.

Been the making of him.

>> But isn't there anything to be done?

>> Slade: Not unless you stop the train.

>> What train?

>> The boat train at Victoria.

>> What time?

>> 11 o'clock.

Here, hey!

Whoa!

(dramatic music) >> No!

No, go away!

>> Aren't you sorry for all the beastly things you said?

You know you didn't mean them, did you?

Did you?

Well, why don't you answer?

(wind howling) Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Go on, say you're sorry.

(wind howling) >> Oh.

>> Oh, my poor darling.

Sit down here.

There, my darling.

Feel better now?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Nasty pain all gone?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> I've chosen the sweetest house.

>> Pretty sure of me, weren't you?

>> Well, you were so desperately in love with me.

>> Do I have any say in the matter?

>> Yes.

You can ask me to marry you, if you like.

>> Well?

Will you?

>> I might.

>> All right.

We'll be married in Paris at once.

And we'll honeymoon on the Riviera for six weeks.

>> No!

Have you forgotten the Strangeways case?

Chance of a lifetime!

Be the making of you.

Four co-respondents.

We'll wire the office right away that we'll take the case.

>> We'll wire the office right away that we're on our honeymoon.

>> Oh no.

>> Oh yes.

>> Oh no.

>> Oh yes!

>> Oh no!

>> Milord, there is one very simple explanation of this case.

My client, Mrs. Strangeways, is a woman, that unique and perfect achievement of the human species especially evolved for the comfort and solace of man.

A tender, delicate organism put into this rough world to make life a little brighter and a little happier by her beauty and by her tenderness, and, I say it advisedly, by her purity.

My lord, I admit that the allegation that she was found locked in the bathroom with two of the co-respondents points to a certain lack of discretion on her part, but against that, milord, we have her positive assurance that nothing happened!

Milord, if we refuse to accept this statement, I submit that we strike a blow at the very foundation of the most sublime, the most idyllic, and the most delightful institution in the whole fabric of our civilization, the state of marriage.

In my view, milord, Mrs. Strangeways is guilty on one count, and upon one count alone.

She is guilty of being a woman.

Milord, that is the explanation of Mrs. Logan, Mrs. Strangeways, and that is the explanation of this case.

You may stand down.

(bright orchestral music) (dramatic orchestral music)