[theme music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Going once at 500 pounds.

Mrs. French.

Next item, box 98, a cornucopia hunting horn, late 19th century.

What lot is this?

98.

Ta.

Come on.

It's the bronze I'm interested in.

It's a lovely piece of work.

Catalog says Victorian after Landseer.

Fair enough.

Except it isn't.

The casting is brilliant, though.

Thin shell.

It's beautiful.

It's not often you see a fake that's better than the original, Eric.

It's the third one of these I've seen.

Whoever's making them is taking risks.

Someone needs advice.

AUCTIONEER: For 60 pounds-- What's Rackham doing here?

He's probably come to buy something.

I'm glad I brought you.

AUCTIONEER: Lot 101.

Nice little Victorian bronze.

That's what he's doing here.

AUCTIONEER: Bidding will start at 300 pounds.

I'm looking for 250.

200 is an insult.

Do not spoil my morning, gentlemen.

It's a lovely little piece.

Great charm.

Come, come, ladies and gentlemen.

No reserve.

Look at it again, gentlemen.

300 pounds.

Thank you.

350.

400.

450.

500.

Wonder if he means it.

But you said it wasn't right.

It isn't.

But either Rackham thinks it's right, or he's trying to establish it as right.

I wonder if he really means it.

AUCTIONEER: 550 pounds, thank you.

Any advance on 550?

550 pounds.

600.

650.

700 pounds.

750 pounds.

He really means it.

800 pounds.

Any advance on 800?

All done.

Thank you.

At 800 pounds-- [pounds gavel] Mr. Rackham.

Lot 102.

No!

I'm sorry, Lovejoy.

I know it was a very nice piece.

But no, I do not have authorization to name the vendor.

Seriously, John?

Seriously.

Seriously, seriously?

Seriously, seriously, no.

Pity about old Archie Duncannon, wasn't it?

Nasty heart attack.

Who?

Duncannon.

Medieval and Tudor carvings expert.

V&A.

No, sorry.

I forgot what a pretty ignorant bunch you are sometimes, John.

[curious music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Now where's that minibus?

Should I take this bread and butter stuff back to the shop?

Yes, you do.

That's what you do, Eric.

And remember, no fish and chips, no chewing gum.

And don't leave it on Radio One.

Good morning, darling.

Hello, Alex, mate.

Thought you were in Tokyo.

[curious music] [car starts] ♪ ♪ Jane was hoping to pick you up herself.

But she had a meeting with the local conservation committee.

She says you owe her a favor.

Yeah.

Oh, yes, that.

Yeah.

Do you have time to go to drinks with her?

When?

Well, sort of now, really.

Is that a favor?

No, that's where she'll tell you what the favor is.

As a matter of fact, you're going to drinks as a favor to me.

To you?

Yes, they're absolutely awful people.

And I have to fly to Tokyo.

You don't mind, do you?

No, I don't mind.

[upbeat music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Ah, there you are.

Well, he's agreed, as you can see.

How was the conservation committee?

Old.

[laughs] Have a good time.

Sayonara, Alexander.

Cary-Holden house.

Residence of Sir Hugo Cary-Holden, baronet, and his lovely wife, Lady Felicity Cary-Holden.

What do you think?

Oh, it's very, very nice.

What am I doing here?

We're here to spy.

Ooh.

[upbeat music] ♪ ♪ [chatter] I want you to meet this half of the Cary-Holden family.

- Why?

- I'll tell you later.

I have to warn you, they're absolute prunes, this lot.

Hello.

Principal prune.

My dear.

How very, very lovely.

Hugo, this is Lovejoy.

He's an art expert.

He's also terribly good on the grand tour.

Felicity, for you.

I'm due with a tour.

Alex is tied up.

Ah, yes.

Come this way, will you?

This is Hugo's great-great-grandfather.

He did the grand tour in 1795.

And this is the catalog of what he brought back?

Yes.

From Italy.

Only Italy?

Yes.

And it's all still here, is it?

Yes, quite a lot.

I mean, nearly all of it, actually.

Sir Hugo would be very pleased if you could find any individual pieces that might be worth insuring.

Individually, I mean.

Anything we ought to be super careful of.

Oh, surely.

Course, the big auction houses are so frightfully snotty.

They say that if there was anything any good, then it's been sold already.

Course, Hugo's grandfather did sell a few things.

[whimsical music] What is it?

Nicolo Gorini.

Really?

Sorry, who Gorini?

Florence, 1530s.

Gosh.

Well, there you go.

It's not here in the house anymore, I'm afraid.

I've been through everything.

I'd have remembered that.

What a shame.

Heavens, that is a shame.

It is.

If you had it, it would be worth more than your house.

Really?

Really.

Well, where does it say Gorini?

Just says school of Florence, doesn't it?

It is Gorini.

Believe me.

Look, look.

Put it this way.

You show me another studio that puts anal fins on seahorses, and this will get my vote as school of Florence.

There, you see it?

There.

Oh, yes.

I suppose I do.

Nicolo Gorini, famous for his animal physiology.

Gosh.

Was he?

No, no no.

I'm sorry, ladies, I'm going to have to close.

No, I am sorry.

Thanks, anyway.

I'm sorry.

[foreboding music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [barks] Get down, you big bastard!

Good boy.

Good boy.

Really, it's very, very lovely.

Hugo.

Mr. Lovejoy has pointed out some fascinating things in the catalog.

If only your grandfather hadn't sold so many bits and pieces.

He was badly advised.

Yes.

Yes, I suppose he was.

So you're an art expert, Mr. Killjoy?

Lovejoy.

I'm a dealer.

Have to know a little bit to deal.

Well, I thank you for entertaining my wife.

Doesn't take much these days, I must admit.

What?

You heard.

What a slime ball!

Why did you want me to meet him?

Well, Hugo is pretty indescribable, so there wasn't much point in describing him, really.

You had to meet him.

What do you think of Felicity?

Trying to get free valuations out of me.

What's this all about?

You see the diamonds?

They're medium sized mortgages on most fingers.

[sentimental music] ♪ ♪ Oh, it's beautiful, anal fins and all.

Pity about the nude not being on board, but question is, do I tell Mr. and Mrs. Slime Ball?

They don't deserve it.

Don't think I will.

Lovejoy?

What is this favor that I'm supposed to owe you?

I haven't done it for you yet.

Come on, I've told Emma we'd be there by now.

Emma?

- Before Douglas gets back.

- Douglas?

The other half of the family.

Come on.

You see, the Cary-Holdens are one of those dynasties where the elder brother has always inherited the lot.

That's in order to keep the family seat in the family.

The younger brother lives here?

Quite.

You see, Cary-Holden, Sr., left his affairs in a gigantic mess.

Well, Hugo has taken advantage of that.

EMMA: Jane!

JANE: Oh, Emma.

Hi!

You've just missed Dougie.

Darling!

Darling!

Hugo!

Doug is here.

He's looking quite smart.

Quite frankly, Hugo's nailed Dougie to the floor.

He's always been jealous.

You see, Dougie always got girlfriends.

Hugo got Felicity.

What do you think of Felicity?

Pass.

- [chuckles] - [chuckles] It wouldn't have been so bad if Dougie had always known he wasn't going to get a bean.

But Hugo strung him along with vague promises.

But no lolly.

See, Doug is an artist.

He do these?

EMMA: Mm-hmm.

Very good.

He hasn't drawn anything like that for ages.

He's a fool.

- He couldn't sell them.

- I could.

They're terrific.

It's difficult, Dougie.

Do you have any notion of what it takes to keep a place like this on its feet?

Just how difficult is it?

How do you mean?

You've been pissing me around for years.

Well, the donkey's finally seen the fishing rod.

I'm sorry, I'm not with you.

I'm not leaving here without an answer.

To what?

How much of father's money are you going to make over to me?

How much?

You understand the question, don't you?

Father left over 2 million.

How much?

It was all tied up, you know?

The house, the pictures, the silver.

How much?

I think it's very important that a beautiful house such as ours should be lived in as a family home.

Don't you?

(ANGRILY) How much?

There's not going to be any more.

There's none to spare.

We got into debt.

We lost the house and had to move in here.

I'm working part time.

Otherwise, we wouldn't manage.

We barely do.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I've got a bottle of something somewhere.

I won't be a minute.

What am I doing here?

She's the best friend I ever had.

She needs help.

Not from me.

Oh, thanks.

I'm not a social service, Jane.

Look, there's something else.

[clears throat] I'm sorry.

It's not fair to involve you.

I know, I'm sorry.

You just go.

It's all right.

I'm sorry.

Stop apologizing.

Lovejoy?

Well, go on.

Tell me.

You can hardly expect me to sell the family home to subsidize your painting.

Want to be a painter, you'll have to start selling some of your paintings.

Or do something else, couldn't you?

Father left you practically nothing in the will.

I gave you 10,000 pounds.

Gave you, Dougie.

You bastard!

You also showed me how to chuck it away.

What are you talking about?

You told me how to invest it.

You didn't put it all in the same stock.

Oh, dear.

Oh, Dougie.

I lost thousands.

I lost 3,000 in a week.

3000.

Have you got any idea-- have you got the faintest idea what that might mean to someone?

Dougie, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll make that up to you.

One thou, all right?

Check do?

I have a pen, thank you, darling.

You may be my younger brother, Dougie, but you really must learn to stand on your own two feet, you know?

You really must, Dougie.

Hmm?

[bell tolling] Quite frankly, Sir Hugo, you can take your check and work it slowly up Felicity's nose.

Oh.

It's a question of money.

He hasn't got any?

No, that's the whole thing.

He has.

He's got talent and money?

Yes.

Well, there is money now.

But I just don't know where it comes from.

I wasn't prying.

Really, I wasn't checking up on him or anything.

I-- I just happened to bump into someone who actually did work where he claimed he was working.

I don't know.

I don't know which is worse.

Is he doing something really illegal?

But then he has been lying to me, which is bad enough.

And I just have to know.

I really do.

10% of these, and presumably he can still turn them out, hmm?

Yeah, OK. [metal scraping] [barks] Oh, Eric, you lunatic!

Shut up!

What are you still doing here?

I was followed.

I've been hearing strange noises all evening.

I didn't fancy it.

Fancy what?

Leaving.

Straight up, there was this bloke.

Didn't you see him?

Tall, long hair.

You know, tofu burgers and brown rice type.

He was at the auction.

He followed me here.

- Why didn't you invite him in?

- Eh?

Instead of barking at the poor sod.

What?

Oh, Eric, you worry me sometimes.

Oh, well, next time, I'll throw myself a bone.

You better do that tomorrow morning.

You're opening the shop.

Am I?

7 o'clock sharp.

In the morning?

I owe the landlady a favor.

Good night, Eric.

[curious music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [sinister music] ♪ ♪ [alarm wailing] [laughs] I can't.

No, but I told you.

No, no.

I-- you can't.

Well, I'll have to-- Jane, darling.

Hello.

Hello.

Good to see you.

Alex.

ALEX: Hello.

Oh, hello.

Will you?

Alexander.

Good to see you back.

How was, um, Tokyo?

Tokyo.

By the way, who was that person that came with Jane the other day?

Lovejoy.

Did he misbehave?

No, he didn't.

He was quite helpful, actually.

He's a very astute man, you know?

Well, he knows his fine art, if that's what you mean.

Well, if you say so.

Looked distinctly rammed to me.

Appearances can be awfully deceptive, though, can't they, Hugo?

I mean, who'd believe how clever you are?

Jane, you're wanted on the telephone.

It's the hospital.

Oh.

Nothing serious, I hope?

Excuse me.

Hugo?

Thank you.

Hello?

Yes?

Oh.

Yes, I see.

I'll be there right away.

It's Lovejoy.

Oh, it bloody would be.

They said it was quite serious.

Not serious enough, I bet.

Well, I'd better go to him.

Oh, I suppose it'd better be your mother's angina again.

Sorry, darling.

Half as sorry as I am.

He's in a small ward.

We keep the main ward for serious cases.

He's not serious?

No, not in any sense of the word.

The stupid man's discharged himself.

Do you see what I mean?

Yes, totally unreliable.

[sighs] MAN (ON RADIO): But even when the chancellor refused to fulfill the market's dearest wishes, the rally continued apace.

With the details, over to Mark Gregory.

MARK GREGORY (ON RADIO): The 100 Share Index jumped a full 50 points to close at 2346.2, its highest since February.

Meanwhile, the pound soared to a three-month high.

[knocking] Oh, you look terrible.

So do you.

I want you to come with me.

Why?

Because if your husband tries to kill me again, I want you there as a witness.

Go and get your coat.

Hey, you know those stitches?

Yeah.

I reckon they were put in by a student, because I've seen better needlework on the Sunday joint.

Oh, shut up, Eric.

I'm sorry.

Come on.

Yes, I bet he did.

[laughs] Ah, Jane.

Look who's returned to the fold.

I'm so sorry, darling.

Sorry, Hugo.

How's Mother's angina?

She's totally irresponsible.

Do you know she's discharged herself from hospital?

She's done this before, you know?

The hospital tells us it's quite serious.

Along we go with grapes and sympathy.

And lo and behold, she's discharged herself.

She's a bit of an old delinquent, really.

And a fraud.

But at least she hasn't been had up for robbery with violence yet.

[laughter] Hello.

You found something?

I don't know.

Was Dougie ever interested in sculpting?

Well, I suppose so.

He used to work in the foundry that cast them.

Ah.

No!

No!

You look terrible.

LOVEJOY: Hello, Dougie.

What are you doing here?

Who are you?

You almost killed him.

What were you doing following me?

Jane asked him to.

What's Jane got to do with it?

I was worried about you.

You set this up.

Don't start with her.

You go off every morning with your satchel and your sandwich, and she finds out you're not even going to school.

Tell me, do you model as well as castings?

Yes.

I had to do something.

I lost a lot of money.

Oh, don't be so defensive.

I'm an admirer.

Yeah, and you almost killed him.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I couldn't allow this place to be discovered.

Oh, sure.

DOUG: And I took you to hospital.

Oh, thank you.

Well, I'm sorry.

I lost a lot of money.

Yeah, I've been thinking about that.

What are you talking about?

You got a drink here?

No.

Come on.

I need a drink.

It's terribly kind of you, Lovejoy.

Really.

But I can't do anything illegal.

I mean, if it were for myself, believe me.

But there's Emma.

I've messed things up for her enough as it is.

What is it you think you're doing now?

Well, nothing illegal, at least.

Those bronzes of yours are being bought as early Victorian and sold on as such.

I don't call them Victorian.

Doesn't matter.

You know they're being sold as Victorian.

If anything happens, it'll be pinned on you.

You'll be the first through the Magimix, believe me.

Why?

Because you have no power.

Because you're an innocent.

Look at you.

Market cred, subzero.

DOUG: I still don't want to do anything illegal.

Shut up.

Don't go on about your scruples.

I'm talking about something brilliant.

I'm talking about revenge.

Revenge?

How would you like to take your brother to the cleaners for 200 grand?

I think he'd like that.

Really.

Quite a lot.

How?

What do you know about Nicolo Gorini?

Well, a lot.

His are the best nudes in the quincento.

I prefer them to the quattrocento.

I thought you'd know that.

Look.

What about Gorini?

You're going to make one.

What?

A Venus, about so high.

But first, we have to meet another admirer of yours.

[cheerful music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ That is not a fake.

You bid for it.

I'd stake my reputation on it.

I wouldn't do that.

Your reputation is very impressive.

Look at it, Lovejoy.

I've looked at it.

Then you haven't seen.

Have you sold anything like it?

Well, it is similar.

Yes, yes.

Why?

As what?

It's what they are.

Early Victorian genre.

And I'm still researching the artist.

Look no further.

Douglas Holden.

I don't believe you.

This is a lost wax casting over-- You see the problem, Gervaise.

You really made these?

Very well.

Technically speaking, you have recaptured the refinement of the ancient world.

That's what I reckon.

And I'd imagined you as the struggling artist in a Regency garret.

Council house, actually.

[chuckles] I have a feeling that this conversation is about to take on a most unpleasant turn.

Could be right.

I don't see why.

- He is right.

- I thought so.

Blackmail, I presume?

Nearly.

How nearly?

Need half a day of your time.

Why?

To identify Gorini.

What?

A Gorini?

You're going to fake a Gorini.

It's what he says.

You must be mad.

Absolutely not.

You're a very talented boy.

Very.

Absolutely not.

A Gorini?

Goodness.

I mean, you're asking me to put my name to a fraud that might top a million or more.

No!

And again, no!

Don't get so excited, Gervaise.

Calm yourself.

You'll give yourself a heart attack like old Archie Duncannon.

All we're asking you to do is identify a genuine Gorini as a genuine Gorini.

What?

Well, it's these people we know.

They've got one lying around in their garden.

They've got provenances and everything.

They're a bit stupid, though, you see.

So we want you to tell them exactly what it is they've got.

See?

Yes.

Yeah.

That's all.

Leave the rest to us.

You can do that, can't you?

Well, I suppose so, yes.

Good.

Lovejoy, what have you done to yourself?

Oh, this big strapping lad here tied me in a chair.

Banged me over the head.

I'm not surprised, dear.

[sizzling] I'm going to get the details of the Venus in the catalog at your brother's house tomorrow, Dougie.

What, just like that?

Well, I'll tell him I think I found the Gorini Venus.

But it's been separated from its shell.

But I need the details from the catalog to verify it.

Hugo won't want it.

He thinks art's something that comes on Christmas cards.

When he discovers the shells in his fountain, he'll want it.

I'll make him want it.

Well, how will he find out that he's got the shell?

Gervaise Rackham will tell him.

Eventually.

[camera clicking] That's definitely it.

Oh.

- Now, you don't mind, do you?

- No, no.

Carry on.

Hello.

Oh, Hugo, darling.

Hello.

Mr. Lovejoy thinks he may have located the Italian bronze group I was telling you about.

You know, the Gorini in the catalog, remember?

Well, no, no.

That's not exactly what I said, love.

- Oh.

- Thank god for that.

I thought you wanted me to buy the bloody thing.

I thought you said-- what did you mean, then?

The piece has been broken up.

Now, I found the nude Venus.

The shell with the seahorses, that's still missing.

Oh, I see.

Oh, well, yes, but it would still be worth buying, wouldn't it?

- Why?

FELICITY: Well, the house needs one bit of quality about the place.

For God's sake, darling, that's my-- what's his name?

Yes, I know, darling.

But this is one in a million opportunities.

It's the best thing your great-great-grandfather got hold of, and here it is up for sale.

Well, part of it.

I really think-- Do you?

Well, you don't have to pay the bloody insurance premiums.

Well, what do you think, Mr.-- Just Lovejoy.

It would cost a lot to insure.

And if that is going to be a worry, I'd walk away from it if I was you.

Quite.

Quite right.

[sighs] [camera clicks] Supposing this thing were all-- Would you just turn it for me, please?

Thank you, yeah.

- Oh, is that it?

- Uh-huh.

Well, supposing this were all back together, what would that be worth?

About 2 million, properly promoted.

And the statue thing on its own?

250,000.

Well, that's it.

I'm sorry, darling.

I'm not spending a quarter of a million just so we can say we've got a piece of quality in the house.

No, well, you wouldn't have to.

The sellers don't know it's a Gorini.

They think it's School of Florence, like it says in your catalog.

Oh.

And what are they asking?

95.

Do you have a moral problem about making 100,000 pounds, Mr. Lovejoy?

Why on earth don't you buy the damn thing yourself?

I'd be out of my depth.

I can't raise that kind of money.

And bankers need letters from experts like Archie Duncan and Gervaise Rackham.

And if I bring those kind of people in, I've blown it, haven't I?

So you're prepared to tell us who's about to sell this-- Venus?

No, not until we've discussed my fee.

Which would be-- 5% each end.

4 and 1/2 thousand each end?

That's not bad for a day's work.

I should take it up myself.

Modest for a lifetime's experience, Sir Hugo.

And that would be 2,000 in advance.

Well, I'll think about it.

My wife will let you know.

Yes, I will.

Carry on.

Thank you.

[curious music] ♪ ♪ A man of most surprising skills.

A nice old pornographer taught me in one of Her Majesty's holiday camps.

What do we do about Hugo and Felicity?

We don't.

We wait.

Hugo thinks there's a Gorini on the market at a knockdown price.

Knocked down because the so-called vendors don't know it's a Gorini.

He's tempted, but 95 grand is 95 grand.

I mean, he's only got my word for it.

It is a Gorini.

What he needs is confirmation from an expert that what's in the catalog is a Gorini.

I fed him a couple of names.

One of them's hospitalized.

And the other?

LOVEJOY: Gervaise Rackham.

[singing] [phone rings] Yes?

Ah.

Hello, Lady Holden.

Yes.

Yes, I expect I can do that.

What time shall we say?

For lunch?

That would be perfect.

[whistling] That's very distressing.

[laughs] Eric, get me a couple of those hand-cut Georgian nails, would you?

I want to add a couple of personal touches to the inside.

[phone rings] Hello?

Lovejoy.

Your foul little plan appears to be working.

LOVEJOY (ON PHONE): When are you going to see them?

Lunchtime tomorrow.

Oh, she sounds a perfect nightmare.

A brainless woman headlong in pursuit of art.

I hate you, Lovejoy really quite profoundly.

Oh.

Two hand-cut Georgian nails.

Get yourself a bone while you're at it, Eric.

You're minding the store again.

[upbeat music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Hugo.

Hugo, he's here.

Who?

Rackham.

Ah.

For God's sake, don't mention the name-- Gorini.

That's it.

Let him find that out for himself.

No, all I've done is ask him to come and check the attributions in the catalog.

Good girl, Flickers.

Ah.

Ah, yes.

What is it?

Excuse me.

Sir Hugo?

Do you have this piece in the house?

Why?

Because if you do, I suggest you remove it to the bank as soon as possible.

It's valuable, you mean?

Valuable?

I only know of one other piece like it in the world.

It's by Gorini.

Lunch?

[whispering] Yes, yes.

Mr. Rackham, I think perhaps we better come clean.

This Lovejoy fellow claims to have found the-- Venus component of the group.

That's it.

And we're considering buying it if the price is right.

Oh.

And we'd like to retain you to find the other half.

Oh.

Is that a problem?

Well, I'm sorry, Sir Hugo, but it's like asking me to find a needle in a haystack.

Yes, of course.

And once they know what I'm after, you'd be held to ransom.

- Understood.

- Good.

Sir Hugo, I hope you don't think I'm being impertinent.

But you do realize how much you'd have to pay for the Venus.

Yes, but the vendors don't know what it is.

Darling.

I'm sorry.

Oh, well, that makes a great deal more sense.

Congratulations I wonder-- What?

Would you mind if I had a look at your lovely garden?

Now?

And hear your plans for it.

What plans?

Yes, never mind, darling.

I'd love a breath of fresh air.

Do come along.

1% once you make the purchase.

It could be 30,000 or 40,000 pounds.

Well, that's if I can find it.

You'll send me a note with the terms, won't you?

Of course.

And you'll send an invoice for your services for today.

Oh, yes.

Yes, of course.

What is it?

Oh, look.

What?

The fountain.

Oh, the pressure's a bit low, that's all.

[cheerful music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Look, it was a verbal agreement.

Not the same thing at all.

How would you have found the shell if I hadn't spotted it in the first place?

I'm appalled, Sir Hugo.

Appalled!

I can't imagine why you think you should be 30,000 pounds better off just because you happened to walk past my goldfish pond.

Exactly.

Very well.

My fee for today will be 1,000 pounds.

And you shall hear no more from me.

That will include VAT, won't it?

Very sensible, Mr. Rackham.

That's settled, then.

Shall I order some tea?

I'm dying for a cup.

I wouldn't mind some pudding.

Lovejoy.

[upbeat music] ♪ ♪ Janey?

What's this favor you haven't done me apart from the one you haven't done me?

Or is it going to be that one at last?

[phone rings] Lovejoy.

HUGO (ON PHONE): Sir Hugo Cary-Holden here.

I've decided to go ahead with the purchase of the statue thing.

I don't think you'll want to now, Sir Hugo.

The deal's as good as dead.

What do you mean?

Well, I think the vendors have rumbled what they're on to.

They haven't actually mentioned Gorini.

But they've obviously taken advice.

So I think you should forget about it, Sir Hugo.

Maybe next time, eh?

Yes.

Very well.

Well, how much are they asking, as a matter of interest?

Well, it's 212,000 for cash.

It would be 250,000 auction price, but with no seller's premium or VAT in a bid offer cash, 212, no negotiations.

212.

As I said, Sir Hugo, I think you should forget about it.

Maybe next time.

Give my best wishes to your wife.

Well, don't look at me.

I don't know.

Depends on how greedy Sir Hugo is.

How greedy does he have to be?

Well, he knows that separately, the Venus and the shell are worth about 300,000.

But together with a bit of judicious restoration, they're worth over 2 million.

Well, he didn't have to be greedy.

He just has to know he's seven times table.

Believe me, he's greedy.

[phone rings] Hello?

HUGO (ON PHONE): Hey, it's Sir Hugo Carey-Holden again.

Ah, Sir Hugo.

[bell tolling] Flickers!

FELICITY: Coming!

Hello.

2,000 pounds, wasn't it?

Well, there's 5%, but the price has changed.

You mean you're prepared to exploit our bad luck over the price going up?

I don't think that's quite fair, do you, Mr. Lovejoy?

Anyway, Sir Hugo's left instructions that I can't pay any more than we agreed.

I don't blame you for trying it on.

But we really can't let you get away with taking that sort of advantage, can we?

What?

It's as plain as the nose on your face.

The ugly sisters haven't spotted it yet, but it's a lamp on a table, for Pete's sake.

Are you sure?

Jane, please.

I've been eating, drinking, and dreaming that bronze.

Old Grandpa Carey-Holden must have chopped it up when he decided to make that fountain or electrify the house, the old lunatic.

They may not make the connection.

It's a lamp on a table, Jane.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Keep her out of the way tomorrow while I take care of him.

Right.

[whimsical music] [car starts] ♪ ♪ God, sorry.

Could I find the keys?

Anyway, so sorry.

Isn't this fun?

So sweet of you to invite me.

I love sneaking off with girlfriends.

Where should we go for lunch?

What about Spofs, yes?

- Fine.

- Super.

We'll go in mine.

I can drop you back here.

Oh, right.

[bell tolling] Hello?

Hello?

Come in.

Sir Hugo.

212,000.

I've got a surprise for you.

Do you mind if we take a detour, Jane?

I've got a little surprise I want to show you.

I'd like your expert opinion on this.

You found it.

My god, that was quick.

It was here all the time.

Didn't take long once we knew what we were looking for.

You are a very fortunate man, Sir Hugo.

Well, my wife will be here shortly.

Careful.

2 million.

Here we are.

Your place?

But-- Well, here's your banker's draft for 212,000 pounds.

It's a cash equivalent at the bank.

And here's your check for 2,500.

Are you sure you won't stay?

[footsteps] Tell me, have you got it?

Where is it?

Over there.

There, Jane, what do you think?

Florentine, 1530-ish.

Nicolo Gorini.

Our expert said he'd only seen one like it in the whole world.

Isn't she lovely?

Oh, are you leaving, Mr. Lovejoy?

I'm not feeling too well, actually.

So sorry.

Bye.

Anyway, what do you think, Jane?

Isn't it all gorgeous?

Lovely.

[mischievous music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ - You can't stop there.

- Yes, I can.

You'll have to move it now!

No, I won't.

You cannot park on a yellow line.

No, I'm sorry.

Get off the yellow-- I'm sorry, but could you-- - Off you go.

Do your duty.

Yes, I will.

I'd like to cash these, please.

I've spoken to the manager.

He's expecting me.

Won't be a second.

And would you come this way, Mr. Lovejoy?

Thank you.

JANE: It's lovely.

It bloody well should be.

Looks as if it's always been there.

It's very familiar.

Well, come along, Jane.

You must be starving.

Yeah.

The consignment was a little bulky, so we had it made up into a parcel for you.

Thank you.

If you'd just sign-- oh.

[phone rings] [mischievous music] Thank you, love.

I'm sorry, there is no need to snatch it.

And look, you realize the fine has gone up?

You're doing a wonderful job.

Your inheritance, Douglas.

Well, a bit of it, anyway.

Pardon the liberty, Dougie.

This should take care of the champagne, Eric.

What about my lager?

And the crisps?

Dry roasted pork scratchings.

Rackham's been flashing your bronze horse around the trade.

The praise is universal.

You are now a supplier, a focal object to the interior designer trade.

If you need an agent, 10% to Rackham or me.

Now, you don't have to decide immediately.

I'll count to three, OK?

Janey, what was this favor?

How about two months free rent?

Am I being very mean?

I am terribly grateful.

I'm grateful.

Not that grateful.

EMMA: [gasps] Lovejoy?

What if-- Oh, what if they find out it's not the real thing?

Well, we'll tell them where the real thing is.

Listen, they're a million and a half up, right?

And Sir Hugo's not the kind of man who's going to make a fool out of himself by telling the world he's making a fool out of himself, OK?

Yes?

HUGO (ON PHONE): Listen, toy boy.

Ah, Sir Hugo.

HUGO (ON PHONE): I've got two bronzes here.

The next time you come around, I'm going to shove one of these-- [theme music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [audio logo]