- [Narrator] Major funding for this program was provided by the City of Austin Office of Arts, Culture, Music and Entertainment, Tommy and Alexandra Maher, Sandra Honaker, John Wright, Janet Walsh, Midori Munguia, Grace Horvath, Jasmine Mobasseri, Brenda Isaacs-Booth, Matt Walsh.

Additional funding was provided by and by.

(lighthearted music continues) (gentle music) - We're here at the Ross residences, also known as where our parents live.

We're going to see if they can open up for the first time about topics like grief, mortality.

What plans do you have for your death?

What plans do you have for when your loved one passes?

- My wife and I just had our first child and I- - You just had your first child?

This is how I find out?

- Yeah, this is also new.

- Yeah, wow.

- I wanna give Milo some kinda starting-point conversations around this stuff and not wait till he has to go to his first wake and funeral.

- Yeah.

- And he's only processing through the normal, probably started by the Catholic Church ritual- - Yeah.

- Of you go to the wake, you go to the funeral.

- Uh-huh.

- This person's not here anymore.

- Yeah.

- Have some eggplant rollatini- - Yeah.

- At the mercy meal.

- Uh-huh.

- And then here is the rest of your life- - Uh-huh.

- To try to figure this **** out.

- Similarly to you, I have not given birth yet, but I will have a son at some point in the summer.

I plan on introducing that really early on.

I'm thinking day three, day four- - Mm-hmm.

- We're sitting down, talking about how he's going to distribute the will.

Grief and death on three.

One, two, three.

- Two, three.

- [Both] Grief and death.

- [Meghan] (chuckles) Yeah.

- Okay, well, thanks, everyone, for being open to participating in this card experience.

- Okay, cut the- - No, no.

(Justin laughs) - Cut the fake ****.

- Why do you say that?

- No, no, no.

- All right, let's- - All right.

- [Meghan] Rip the BAND-AID off, open the wounds.

- Yeah, let's just say... (Justin laughs) Don't say, "Thanks, everyone."

Just let's play.

- Cut to us- - All right, listen, we've got two games.

We're starting with "Morbid Curiosity" to loosen it up.

It's more of a kind of fun, quirky game, but it is around the subject of death.

- Oh.

- This is a glass of wine for this one.

(laughs) - So- - Okay, go for it.

- "What is the most surprising or unexpected thing you've experienced at a funeral?"

- (laughs) I'll go first.

Aunt Dawn's funeral crasher.

(all laughing) - [Diana] I hadn't seen her in years.

- I know.

Well, think of a wedding crasher, but for funerals.

Yeah, she was, what, a high school classmate?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

Also at that funeral at the church.

It was a windy day.

And in the middle of the readings, the doors to the church slam- - Yeah.

- Really hard and abrupt.

- I had forgot about that.

- And in that moment, (Meghan chuckles) the lights go out.

- Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

- The second those doors slam- - Oh, yeah.

- The lights go out.

- Yeah.

- Now, rest in peace.

Our dear Aunt MaryKay (Meghan laughs) was sitting next to me.

Door slams, lights out, and she goes.

(Meghan laughs) - Probably to scare you.

(Meghan laughs) - And she... I abruptly started laughing.

Mom, you gotta pick a question off the top.

We'll stick to the white cards.

- "What is your thoughts about embalming?"

- [Nicole] Oh, God.

- "And do you care if your body is embalmed?"

- Oh.

- So I wanna be cremated and I want each one- - Okay.

- Of my children to have part of me in an urn.

- [Nicole] No, thanks.

- And the ones who don't (Meghan chuckles) could sprinkle me someplace (Nicole chuckles) that I would like.

- Is embalming like the kinda- - Oh, that's where they embalm you- - No, that's where they inject you with something- - To keep your- - So that you can- - Yeah.

- [Nicole] Be shown at a wake and- - Yeah.

- Oh.

- So I thought about this many times.

For the wake, I want a closed casket.

- Really?

- You're in the makeup industry- - See, open- - You wouldn't want someone- - No one would do my makeup the way I want it, though.

- Oh.

- Yeah, but you would probably request us- - I mean, for God's sake- - To get a makeup artist- - Gigi had a pick- - Who was from New York.

- And was fixing Nana's hair.

She didn't like the way Nana's hair came out.

And she also changed Nana's earrings.

- Yikes.

- [Nicole] Yeah, she went into the casket.

- She went into the casket.

(Meghan laughs) And she had it picked.

- Yeah.

- She's like, "Nana always liked height."

- Yeah.

- And she picked her hair.

- That's really funny.

- So yeah.

And Nana would've been happy.

- "Three people who understand my grief are..." My parents, my siblings, and my dog (chuckles) 'cause he has witnessed my grief.

Three people, Dad.

- Do you have grief?

I've never... (Meghan chuckles) You say a lot of words.

(Meghan chuckles) I've never heard you say the word, grief.

- He's very simple, so he- - [Justin] Do you have grief?

- Yes, he has grief.

- Yes, he has grief.

- When you was reading that, I thought you said Greek.

(Diana chuckles) And I just started doing business with a Greek market.

- Wow.

- He was like- - Dad.

- Well, I guess that answers that.

- This- - He was thinking of a Greek salad.

I'm like- - Avoidance is why we're here.

- When it comes to grief, I try to, the hardest, and it became like a practice and it became very easy, to move on, not look back, look forward.

And if you fall... I always felt that if you fall into any kinda depression, it slows you down, brings you back, and I just I block it out.

I try to block it out.

- Yeah, but that's- - It's maybe not the right thing to do, (Justin sighs) but even my sister, she was probably the closest other than my... Oh, and my older brother.

I didn't even know him that well 'cause he was on the West Coast, right?

- Yeah.

- [David] I try to just- - [Diana] Big age difference.

- Move on- - He came up with them.

- And I look back and focus on just us.

- [Meghan] Yeah.

- Keeping the family together.

And that's what I stay strong on.

- Their generation is a generation that doesn't really believe in therapy.

So it's like we don't talk- - Because we had to- - [Nicole] About our feelings, so- - We had to deal with it.

We were told, "Just deal with it."

- [Justin] Yeah.

- Nobody coaches you.

Nobody prepares you for it.

- Yeah.

- So grief was like a taboo thing.

You just didn't talk about it in your families?

- So the first time I was really grief-stricken was when my aunt died and she was 45.

(gentle music) And I saw somebody young and vibrant deteriorate every day.

That was grief that I said, "This will never leave me."

When my grandfather died, I think of both of them like they passed yesterday.

So it doesn't get easier.

It just gets different and you have no choice but to function.

So when you go in that place, you just say, "I have to think of a happy thought with them."

And then my sister drove home that I'm an amputee.

So there's part of me that's been cut off.

I'll never live the rest of my life whole.

I'll never be 100% completely happy either because it wasn't supposed to be that way.

It was like she's 10 years younger than me.

She was like my baby.

She was my best friend, my sister, and it's just the way it is.

So you deal with it.

That's why I'm not afraid of death because I wanna see them so badly.

I miss them so much that I would wanna see them and hope they're there to take me over.

So I process grief.

I live with grief.

It partially makes me the person that I am.

- Dad, what do you think about end of life, and death, and dying, and please?

- I never think about it that much.

And again, I try to block it out.

It could be the right thing, the wrong thing to do, but- - He lives for the moment.

- Yup, I live for moment.

- Yeah.

- I'm gonna- - Yeah.

- Leave this with you guys.

- He'll never look at it.

- Okay.

- Probably look at it and cry every night.

- Dad's gonna do "The Grief Deck" exercises daily.

- (laughs) Yeah.

- Yeah, in between "The Voice" and "America's Got Talent."

- Yeah.

- [Meghan] Yeah.

This is "How We Grieve."

(upbeat music) - [Justin] A series hosted by two filmmaker siblings processing our grief and fear of death by learning how others handle life after loss.

- Film is integral in helping death literacy.

- How do you speak to kids about death at a developmentally appropriate stage?

- A death doula comes in and one of the best things that we can do is just normalize death.

- Yeah, I've been feeling really dead on the inside lately.

- Well, I guess this is where we hug it out, so.

- I don't wanna.

(laughs) - And five, six, seven, eight.

- Seven, eight.

And that, okay.

- Here we go, and out.

- Yeah.

- And scene.

(lighthearted music) - [Meghan] As new parents, we wanted to figure out how to change our family's legacy of “not talking about these things”.

So we went to the one place we knew with decades of experience handling the hard stuff with heart, humor, and lovable furry monsters, "Sesame Street."

- Kama, thanks so much for the opportunity to chat today.

Why don't we start out with just an introduction?

Tell us what you do here at Sesame Workshop.

- Of course.

I'm an educator and I work on the content and the curriculum behind the topics that we cover.

So for the Grief Initiative, I work with experts to determine the educational goals and the messages that we wanna convey to children and to families and to the adults who help take care of them.

- I have to say, as an adult who takes care of a toddler, you are one of the most important people in our lives.

The resources are just like endless and to have something that we grew up on as PBS kids and it now be so topical.

There's very specific things that you're dealing with that I think parents don't know how to talk about these things when they come up in the headlines.

- Yeah, it's an honor to determine the best way to leverage the power of the beloved Muppets, right?

- Yeah.

- They sort of have a straight line to the heart of children- - Mm-hmm.

- And adults.

- It seems that "Sesame Street" has always been so open and transparent with children around all sorts of conversations- - Yeah.

- From the very beginning.

Why has that been so important for "Sesame Street" in their programming?

- It's about honoring children's real lives, and knowing that children's lives are full of challenges the way that adults are, and honoring their realities, and helping them feel seen and heard and loved.

We also know as adults, when we're not transparent with children, there's some trust that's lost.

We have advisors and we work closely to get the language just right.

And we know what to stay away from.

We know what to emphasize.

And we really hone these messages so that we can be honest, transparent, but not give them more than what they actually are ready to hear or more than what they're asking for.

- Y'all have done it in such a thoughtful way, like pairing writers with researchers and therapists and just having the backing of a whole system to address really complicated topics.

One being grief and death.

- Um, where is he?

- Big Bird, uh, don't you remember we told you?

Uh, Mr.

Hooper died.

He, he's dead.

- Mm.

Oh, yeah, I remember.

Well, I'll give it to him when he comes back.

- Big Bird, Mr.

Hooper's not coming back.

- Why not?

- Big Bird, when, when people die, they don't come back.

- Ever?

- No, never.

- Well, why not?

- [Kama] Most of us remember when Mr.

Hooper died.

- [Meghan] Mm-hmm.

- It was the first time that a character on children's television passed away and was dealt with honestly by the show's producers.

We chose Big Bird- - Mm-hmm.

- As the sort of child representative to understand this.

And we had the support of adults on "Sesame Street" because "Sesame Street" is really this model community, right, where the children have the right support.

It has to be explained to him time and again.

Mr.

Hooper's not coming back.

Because we know that the permanency of death is a struggle for children.

He's worried that it might be his fault because children are so naturally egocentric.

- Tell me story.

- We wanted to model adults grieving healthily.

- Mm-hmm.

- Sharing their feelings, naming their feelings, supporting one another, remembering the good times they had.

So laughing a little bit, being sort of playful, because we also wanna show children that we can feel many different ways at once and grief is not only sadness.

- It won't be the same.

- You're right, Big Bird.

It's, it's, it'll never be the same around here without him.

- Mm.

- But you know something?

(sighs) We can all be very happy that we had a chance to be with him, and, and to know him.

- Yeah.

- And to love him a lot when he was here.

- Yeah.

- Most recently, we're developing some new content, which sort of reflects the shift in thinking and societal attitudes around death education.

- Yeah.

- That kind of grief literacy and awareness is something we're able to do, which is exciting.

- Elmo misses Uncle Jack.

- Hmm.

- But Elmo's happy that Elmo and Daddy still have his baseball cap.

- Everybody experiences loss.

Every member of the family experiences it differently.

It can be an opportunity not just to become more emotionally literate.

There can be growth.

- Mm-hmm.

- There can be growth in a family.

We have this opportunity to show that families can move forward together with hope for the future.

They can become more resilient.

They can understand one another more- - Yeah.

- [Kama] And that there are sort of seasons of this experience.

(gentle music) - [Justin] Since we started working on this back in 2023, we spent time with many of the staff, families, and volunteers who make up Good Grief, a nonprofit bereavement organization not far from where we grew up.

- Good Grief is a place where kids and families come if they've had someone in their family that died.

So for kids, it's if they've had a parent or a sibling that died or a primary caregiver.

And for adults, if they had a spouse or a child that died.

Good Grief is not therapy or counseling.

We have peer support programs, so it's support groups for these families who experienced a significant loss in their lives.

- So this is our Living Memories Room.

This is a space where we allow them to write notes.

It could be a note to their person.

It could be a note to the universe.

But expression, talking about your grief, talk about your feelings is essential in the resiliency process and in the grieving process.

This is a safe place where even if it's too powerful or too big of an emotion for a child to verbalize themself, this is a place where they could still express these big feelings that maybe they don't feel safe enough to put out into the universe yet.

- Mm-hmm.

- You're gonna see "Cancer sucks."

- Mm-hmm.

- You're gonna see- - Yeah, I saw "Car accidents suck."

- "Car accidents suck," yeah.

"I love you."

"I miss you."

"To Daddy, why did you make those bad choices in life?

But I still love you so much."

- [Meghan] That's sweet.

That's a lot for a kid to have to come to terms with, you know?

- It is.

And I really try to drive home just how powerful it is for kids.

I mean, this child spelled choices C-H-O-I-S.

- Mm-hmm.

- So I'm willing to bet they're pretty young.

- Mm-hmm.

- And for a young child to acknowledge that not only is their dad dead, but their dad made bad choices- - Mm-hmm.

- That led to them being dead, that's really big, heavy feelings.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Something that we do at Good Grief that I think is important is we use the words, dead, died.

We don't use words that kids won't understand, like lost or passed away, 'cause kids are so literal with their grief.

So they might think, oh, if they're lost, they could be found.

Or if they passed away, did they just pass by me?

And can I go find them?

It's confusing.

We wanna come from a place of using those concrete words, because the more that we do it, then other people will do it, too.

- We find it much more conducive to the grieving process, to a healthy grieving process, to help the kid understand, as best as they're able to at their age- - Mm-hmm.

- What death means- - Mm-hmm.

- And what death doesn't mean.

So death means your person isn't gonna move anymore.

They're not gonna speak anymore.

They don't eat food anymore.

They may be in the ground.

They may be in the jar on the mantel.

But what it doesn't mean is that they're gone from your life.

It doesn't mean you can't speak to them anymore.

- [Meghan] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- And so just kind of setting the tone of what death is so that the child can understand it but also not be hampered by some of these societal expectations that we put around death.

- Yeah.

The best use of Post-its I've ever seen.

(Jeremy laughs) The least stressful to-do list.

(both laughing) (gentle music) - It's important for the kids to know that they can still be kids, even though they're going through their grief.

We have rooms.

We have a Volcano Room where the kids can punch a punching bag if they need to and let out some anger.

We have a Hospital Room where they can play in, a Music Room where they can play in and do some dress-up.

The kids are just able to be kids here.

- [Meghan] To hear directly about the impact Good Grief had on one family, we met with Lauren Furtado, her son, Brett, and her daughter, Carmela, ahead of their group's last Night of Support before the summer break.

- Do you wanna make Father's Day cards for Dad, for Grandpa?

I'm Lauren Furtado and I'm a widow.

My husband, Brett, passed away in June of 2021 unexpectedly.

So as a family dynamic, it is the three of us.

- So these are memory stones.

Brett and Mom did it.

So Mom got me these ones, two hearts, two like stones.

- Mm-hmm.

And those were an activity they did at Good Grief?

- Yeah.

- Cool.

Did your mom get you this box?

- Yeah.

- That's pretty.

- [Justin] What does it say on the top there?

I can't see.

- "Your life gives us memories too beautiful to forget."

- Nice.

- That's beautiful.

That's cool, and then you keep it over there- - Yeah.

- By the window?

- Yeah.

- [Justin] So how did you get into "Star Wars"?

- I would watch it with my dad.

- [Meghan] Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm.

The first thing we started to watch was "The Mandalorian."

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- [Brett] One of my favorite shows.

- [Meghan] Mm-hmm.

- [Brett] There's some pictures when I was younger with him.

- At the zoo.

- That's at Turtle Back Zoo.

- Mm-hmm.

- We're feeding the giraffes.

- Cute baby.

- Christmas morning breakfast.

- [DP Matt] Which one of these photos is your favorite here?

- I'd say Christmas morning because it's my best memory I have.

- [Meghan] Mm-hmm.

- [Justin] Do you mind telling us a little bit about your husband?

- Sure, yeah.

Brett was a big personality.

6'5", 280 pounds, in the gym every day, riding a Harley.

He was a union guy.

He worked big construction jobs in New York.

You meet him and you think he's a tough guy, but such a kind heart.

Magnetic and charming.

A man who wasn't afraid to show emotion and cry, and he loved so deeply.

Those children were the pride of his life.

When he wasn't working, I mean, he's, "Let's sit and read a book, guys.

Let's go out and play.

Let's do all the things."

Soaking up whatever time he could in them.

And I'm lucky enough to have a piece of him every day in the two of them.

- [Meghan] Yeah, that's very sweet.

- I oriented, at first, it was Lauren and Brett who came into programs, 'cause at the time, Carmela was not three years old yet to join programs.

They were so nice first meeting them.

I've been on their Night of Support since then, so for about four years.

And just to see the growth with them is exponential.

- My son had just turned five.

That was June and he was startin kindergarten in the fall.

I think at their age, traditional therapy just didn't make sense.

- Yeah.

- Right?

Like talk therapy as a five-year-old little boy.

It's like, one, who are you?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

- And why are you asking me all this stuff?

- Yeah.

- Well, I had a conversation with the school counselor and she had said, "Here's the information.

Here's the website.

Have the contact information."

So I made a phone call.

That was March 2022.

We started going to Good Grief.

- [Brett] The thing I like about Good Grief is that people there understand what I've been through.

They've lost someone.

I've lost someone.

- [Meghan] Mm-hmm.

- The volunteers made me feel better when in hard times.

- [Meghan] That's awesome.

- [Justin] That's amazing.

- Same.

- Same?

(laughs) - Yeah.

- [Meghan] Same.

- Do you feel like it's important to talk and talk about that?

- Yeah, it helps me express how I feel.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- And what are they usually that you feel these days about Dad?

- Usually, I feel sad, a little disappointed, and I feel like it's unfair because usually I see other boys playing with their dads and it seems unfair a little.

- It is.

- Go back, purple.

- The green one.

- No, that's not it.

- I went to graduation and all I got was- - Yeah.

- All right, ready now?

- No, they gave me.

(bowl chimes) - Nice.

High five.

Thank you.

All right, welcome, everyone.

It's so nice to see you all.

I think Carmela's gonna tell us what we do in our opening circle for the night.

So I'm gonna pass the talking stick to Carmela and you can let everybody know what we do in opening circle.

- We tell our names and tell the person who died.

And if you don't wanna say, you just pass the stick.

- [Ariana] You just pass the stick.

Awesome.

Thank you, Carmela.

Would you like to go first?

- Sure.

- Okay.

- My name's Carmela.

My dad died.

- My name is Lauren and my husband died.

- My name is Brett and my dad died.

- [Ariana] So every night that they come to Good Grief, we do some sort of an activity.

So that activity could be a game for the younger kids, maybe a book, maybe it's an art project.

Or for adults, it could just be a topic of conversation.

- [Moderator] Do you ever dream about your person that died?

- [Child] Yes.

- No.

- Yes, we do.

- Carmela?

- No, I don't remember anything, and- - No?

Levi, do you ever dream about your person that died?

- Sometimes, but not really.

- [Moderator] Is it a happy dream?

Something you did together?

(lighthearted music) - It's now been four years since we've been going to Good Grief.

It is community where you don't feel isolated.

Even around my friends, I'm the only widow, right?

At 38 to be widowed isn't everyone's normal story.

- I think a lot of people, they don't know what to say.

Young kids tell me they come to Good Grief and they're like, "My teacher doesn't get it.

My friends don't get it."

And even adults, their family members don't understand.

When families come into Good Grief, their shoulders go down and they're like, "I don't have to pretend here."

- [Lauren] You just know you're around people that completely understand.

- Mm-hmm.

- They have experienced maybe some of the same feelings that you have, but they've experienced such big change in their lives.

It makes them feel less alone and more supported.

It gives my kids a place to talk about grief with someone besides me.

They have a natural place where they can have those conversations and feel comfortable.

- Something that I really noticed is, when there's a new participant, especially in Carmela's group, who maybe is a little bit more shy and timid and scared to go into group, she welcomes them with open arms, literally and figuratively.

Like will stand there (Meghan chuckles) and hug them and be like, "Come on in.

It's okay."

- [Carmela] They're nice people.

It will be okay.

- A seat right there.

- Wanna sit next to me?

Do you wanna come in?

- [Ariana] When there's a new participant in her group, I know that she will welcome them and she'll make them feel comfortable and make them feel seen.

- Do you want it?

- What's something that you've- - You could hold onto it if you want.

- Heard at Good Grief?

- Yeah.

- That's so nice, Carmela.

Thank you.

- Want it?

- Brett does the same thing.

You see, from four years prior, someone who was nervous to come in and didn't really know their place at Good Grief yet, and then they come and they're the advocate, and they're making other kids and other families feel welcome and feel safe here.

That's really amazing to see.

(gentle music) Lauren has become such an advocate for Good Grief.

So she, every year, makes a team for our 5K.

Her team name is, Terrible, Thanks For Asking.

(Meghan laughs) (Ariana laughs) - It's so good.

- Which is really honest.

Yeah, and a lot of the participants that are in her group join the team and they end up all walking together at our 5K, which is our fundraising event.

And it's really nice because they've raised so much money for Good Grief over the past four years, as well as getting other people to just come to the walk, spreading the word about Good Grief.

- [Meghan] I'm grateful for Good Grief existing and not only treating kids like kids, but also not just with kid gloves, just being real about this topic.

And I think they benefit so much more.

- [Ariana] I think a lot of people, they come to Good Grief and they're like, "It's gonna be sad.

People are gonna be crying."

And of course, there's tears- - Mm-hmm.

- But there is laughter.

You'll see kids in a little bit running around, eating pizza, excited to see their friends.

They do laugh at Good Grief.

They are kids.

They are able to play.

Even though this horrible experience happened to them, they can come here, they can process it, they can remember their person, they can talk about them, always if they want to, and just know that they have that support and they could still be a kid.

- [Justin] As Sesame Workshop and Good Grief taught us, it's never too early to talk about grief and death with kids.

(lighthearted music) (guests chattering) - Although there's probably a better time and place than your son's second birthday party.

Okay, now that you're two, Noah, it's time to talk about Mommy's estate planning.

Milo, can you say dividing the assets?

- Oh, yeah.

- Assets.

- Assets.

Do you wanna be the executor of the will?

- Uh, yeah.

- Yeah.

- [Meghan] Can you make sure that Mommy gets cremated or aquamated?

- Aquamated.

- Aquamated.

- Yeah.

- [Guest] Yeah.

(laughs) (lighthearted music continues) - [Narrator] Major funding for this program was provided by the City of Austin Office of Arts, Culture, Music and Entertainment, Tommy and Alexandra Maher, Sandra Honaker, John Wright, Janet Walsh, Midori Munguia, Grace Horvath, Jasmine Mobasseri, Brenda Isaacs-Booth, Matt Walsh.

Additional funding was provided by and by.

(lighthearted music continues) (no audio) (lighthearted music) (bright music)