The Memorial Garden

(intro music plays) - My mom really liked flowers, and especially red geraniums.

Those were her flowers of choice for the pots at the front of mom and dad's home.

It always feels like I'm honoring and remembering my parents when we have flowers and pots of red geraniums for them at the cemetery for Memorial Day.

My parents were both in their 80s when they died, but today, we're going to meet three families who lost children.

Join me as we see the special memorial gardens they have created.

- [Announcer] Funding for "Prairie Yard & Garden" is provided by Heartland Motor Company, providing service to Minnesota and the Dakotas for over 30 years in the heart of Truck Country.

Heartland Motor Company, we have your best interest at heart.

Farmers Mutual Telephone Company and Federated Telephone Cooperative, proud to be powering Acira, pioneers in bringing state-of-the-art technology to our rural communities.

Mark and Margaret Yackel-Juleen, in honor of Shalom Hill Farm, a nonprofit rural education retreat center in a beautiful prairie setting near Windom, Minnesota.

And by friends of "Prairie Yard & Garden," a community of supporters like you who engage in the long-term growth of the series.

To become a friend of "Prairie Yard & Garden," visit pioneer.org/pyg (instrumental music) (instrumental music continues) (instrumental music continues) - Today, we are visiting with Ron and Gretchen Noon of Wadena who lost their son in a car accident.

Then we will talk to Michael and Adelle Jacoby of Hector who lost their son to suicide.

Finally, we will meet Jerry and Vivian Heltemes of Morris who lost their son to cancer.

These three families have channeled their grief into creating gardens to remember and share the beauty of their children for all of us to see.

Thanks for letting us come to visit.

- You're welcome.

- Tell us about your son that passed away.

What was he like and what were his interests?

- Our son, Ben, his name was Benjamin, and we call him Ben.

His interests were, he loved outdoors, fishing, hunting.

He had a monster truck called Big Dawg that he loved to go mudding with.

He was very theatrical and he loved the outdoors, and he was very musical and athletic.

He was killed in a car accident by an unattentive driver.

- He was a person.

When he entered the room, you knew it.

People, he just naturally gravitated toward him.

He would sit down at a piano anywhere and he could play by ear, which I wish I could do that.

And he would just play neat songs, and people would gather around, and I told him, I said, "You got a future doing something like that."

And then he went away, after he graduated high school, he went to the U. I talked to him the day of, had a great conversation, and told him I loved him, and I'll talk to you later.

And everything was upbeat, and who would've known three hours later that he'd be gone.

But he was 19, had just finished his first year in college.

And so I think we were blessed to have a son like him.

It's just that unknown of where would he be today.

- [Gretchen] He was a lot of fun.

- [Ron] He was a lot of fun.

- [Gretchen] He was a jokester.

- [Ron] Oh yeah.

- [Mary] Now, how did your garden get started?

- [Gretchen] Oh, many years ago, I started with a small garden, and I received plants from friends or family, and started it that way, and it grew from there.

- So how did your garden change after Ben passed away?

- Well, it expanded greatly to incorporate other plants and trees that are in memory also of other family members who have passed.

Mainly, we have the tricolor viola which is called the Johnny Jump up which we have renamed the Benji Jump Up, 'cause we used to call him Benji when he was young, and Ben the Bear or Benji bear.

And so we plant those 'cause he used to pick those for me also when he was young, and bring them in to me.

So that is one of the main things there.

And sunflowers also, both the kids enjoyed planting sunflowers are the black-eyed Susans, I've planted those, and we call them brown-eyed Brias for our daughter, but we also have trees.

It's a Northwood's maple that was planted in memory of our son, Ben, and a crabapple tree also.

And we have two Colorado blue spruce that were planted in memory of my sister, Roberta, and her husband, Steve.

And we have hydrangea tree planted in memory of my sister, Marybeth, also apple trees, in memory of my husband Ron's parents and my dad.

So a lot of things are connected with the things that we grew up with.

So I have things blooming from very early spring from the tulips and hydrangeas and crocus.

Through each perennial season I've had, now the coneflowers and lilies are blooming, and the hydrangeas are just starting to burst open, and it's beautiful.

- [Mary] Well, I see that you plant some flowers that attract butterflies too.

Is that important to you?

- [Gretchen] Yes, that's very important to me.

I always say you can never have too many flowers.

(Mary laughs) They bring so much joy.

But yes, that's very important to me.

I leave the milkweed growing in several places, and I have butterfly weed, and several things that will attract the bees and butterflies.

- Tell me the story about dragonflies.

I see that you have some, you're wearing a pin, and I see some in the garden.

- Yes, yes.

This beautiful pin was given to me by our beautiful daughter.

She has given me several.

I wear this in memory of our son, Ben.

Every day, I have different dragonfly pins.

I have probably almost 40 different ones.

After he was buried at the cemetery, we had burned long sparklers that he had bought for the 4th of July.

And our family burned them and placed them in the ground there.

And I went out there one day with Lily's to bring to the cemetery, and a large dragonfly flew down, and landed on one of the sparklers as I was sitting on the ground.

And then I've received a book about water bugs to dragonflies from a friend about telling children about Heaven.

It's an interesting story, it's fun, and we share that with other people who have lost children.

- How do you divide up the workload for caring for all of these beautiful plants in your yard?

- We do it together.

When I started with Gretch organizing, she's the organizer, I'm the laborer of the end of things, and you tell me where you want it, and I'll make it happen.

We've done this for so many years together, and we just thoroughly enjoy putting it together, and it's growing, and it truly is a labor of love for us and for other people.

- Well, thank you both so much for letting us come to visit and see your beautiful place, and for sharing your garden.

- Oh, thank you.

- You're very welcome.

- It's a joy.

We hope it brings joy to others.

(instrumental music) - Bees are just the most fascinating insects and are so very important to agriculture.

Taking pollen from flower to flower, bees energize growth, powering up to nearly 35% of global food production.

As you know, bees also make delicious honey and sumptuous wax that can be used in a variety of products.

Meanwhile, beekeeping is becoming a more popular industry across the US and especially here in Minnesota.

So we are delighted to be at Ames Farms today in Delano, Minnesota where they raise bees in more than 1200 hives that produce the golden brown honey that you can use in tea, baked goods, and so many other recipes.

But there are other products that are made from beeswax to create safe, environmentally friendly, non-toxic products that you can use.

Brian Fredericksen has been running Ames Farm since 1994, and he loves nothing more than to share his knowledge on beekeeping with visitors on his beautiful farm.

- I like raising bees and keeping bees because it's a interesting interaction between the environment, landowners, and customers that buy our honey.

We make two products actually, beeswax candles and beeswax food wraps.

- [Mary] Not only can you buy environmentally friendly candles, but products derived from bees are also healthy for you.

- Single-source honey is unique to Ames Farm.

It's something I came up with in the late '90s, and it's honey produced in one hive, in one location, in one time period.

So we like to sell honey that's as close to what the bees are making rather than combining all these different sort of entities into one big crop.

- If you'd like to learn more about beekeeping or to find beekeepers in your area, go to minnesotagrown.com for more information.

(instrumental music ends) Tell us about yourselves and your family.

- Well, I think where we are right now, God had a reason for bringing us together in the first place because Michael grew up in Hancock, Minnesota and had his first year of college at the University of Minnesota Morris.

I grew up in Maddock, North Dakota and had my first year at NDSU in 1963.

And two years later, I met him because of my roommate was from Morris and he would give her a ride.

We've lived in Morris for 13 years, and then ended up going down to Hector, Minnesota where there was a pharmacy that was for sale, and we've now been there 40 years.

Jason was a delightful child.

He was always happy.

He loved everything he looked at, he was creative, and he would come up with ideas that you wouldn't think a child of his age, anywhere all the way up to when he died, he would come up with.

He was up for fun and adventure, and just lived life to the fullest at every stage, and went on to get a degree in business, and then went into parts management for cars.

- How old was he when he passed away?

- 44.

- [Mary] And how did you decide to build a memorial for him?

- [Adelle] Just knew we needed someplace where we could go.

And this just blossomed into my mind that yes, we grew up 13 years of his life, and he had a ton of friends, and just loved every part of Morris.

- [Mary] How did you decide to have it here at the West Central Research and Outreach Center in the Horticulture Gardens?

- [Adelle] Because from this spot, we were involved with the overhang as well and we furnished a bench down there, so we would already into the process.

So it just seemed a nice spot to do it.

- [Mary] Who designed this beautiful garden?

- [Adelle] A outfit from Alexandria, and they have done other work with Steve.

I had a need for a pergola where you could sit and look out over grasses, totally different from all the beautiful gardens around us where there's specific flowers and everyone is in their little spot.

I needed it to flow.

I talked to Jason, it's so peaceful, and we've had several people come up to us while we're here.

They don't know us, they asked, "Do you know anything about the garden?"

And I tell them, and they say, "Oh, I lost my brother to suicide," not knowing anything about how Jason died.

- [Mary] What are some of the special plants that you guys wanted to use or incorporate here?

- [Adelle] Native plants, native grasses, and open but high enough.

So if somebody was sitting here meditating, people wouldn't just be staring at them, so that would give them enclosure.

Then also, there's a tree over on the other side that's called a Molten Lava weeping crab.

And I found out about that shortly after Jason died.

And we have one in our backyard, and it is absolutely gorgeous in full bloom white, and then gets red berries on it, and it brings in Cedar waxwings and robins, and it's just glorious.

Jason loved all plants, and so anything that we would put out there for him, he'd be into it.

- [Mary] Tell me about the sculpture that is included here.

How did that happen?

- That happened because we were asked if we wanted something for our church like another tree or a shrub or whatever, and well, I think we have enough of those around here, but okay.

I took a friend and we went into the cities to a wonderful place, and I walked in, and then I thought, "I don't know what we're gonna find here," but I walked out their other side door, and that sculpture was sitting right in my face.

And I heard Jason said peace with his Lord, and I was speechless, and I had a vision, it fits perfectly in the spot in front of our church just like I knew it would.

And then we got this one going, and we got the pergola set up and whatever, and it's like, yeah.

I'll be back down there.

And we ordered another one.

- Michael, what kind of message do you wanna get out to all of the people about your son?

- Well, I think the thing for me was the fact that I spent 40 years as a pharmacist, so I saw a lot of mental situations of more adults, and nobody would talk about their kids.

And so when they finally opened up, then these kids finally realized that they could talk to somebody because it's hard.

Our son was gone, had been married for 20 years, so we didn't really know what was...

But these people have these young teenagers and whatever else, military.

It's just a huge amount of different people that are having trouble with what's going on in life.

It just worries me that people are not coming forward, but it just makes me feel better that they actually are.

And that will help everybody because it's tough.

The depression thing I think is people don't understand what it's totally like.

But when you're losing to suicide, it's a whole shock of why and why did it happen?

You know?

And you'll never get the answer more than likely, you know?

- [Mary] Thank you so much for being willing to come and do a segment, having lost a child, and then funneling that to create a beautiful way for people to be able to come and think about him or their own loved ones.

And so I just thank you so much for being willing to do this.

- We are just so grateful you called and asked because we've been heavy with this grief and everybody's out there suffering, and how do we go about talking to them about suicide and depression and what to look for in people?

And this was a perfect opportunity.

(instrumental music) - I have a question.

How can I help the monarch butterflies in my own garden?

- Well, the home gardener can have a really big impact on the monarch butterfly, which, of course, migrates in the winter to some small areas in Mexico to overwinter, but, of course, breeds up here in Minnesota.

So the first thing you have to do is plant the milkweed.

Of course, the monarch has a complete metamorphosis.

It lays an egg, which hatches to a caterpillar, and that caterpillar must feed on milkweed.

So plant, whichever kinda milkweed you like, there's ones for shade, there's ones for sun, the common milkweed, the swamp milkweed, and so on.

Of course, it makes a chrysalis.

And in about a month, from egg to the chrysalis, it emerges as an adult butterfly.

And of course, that butterfly needs to have nectar.

So you need to plant appropriate nectar flowers.

And especially in the late summer when they're getting ready to migrate in late August to about Labor Day, the monarchs are starting to migrate to Mexico, and some real key plants, the meadow blazing star, liatris ligulistylis is absolutely key, the stiff goldenrod, the swamp milkweed.

And then, of course, we have straggler monarchs going into the fall all the way to October.

And behind me is one of the best plants, annuals you can put in your garden for nectar for the adult butterflies, especially into September.

And that's the Mexican sunflower or Tithonia which is native right where the monarchs are going for, they're wintery.

Verbena bonariensis is another really good annual plant to put in your garden.

But those are all great things that the average homeowner can do to really have a positive impact on the monarch butterfly.

(instrumental music) - [Announcer] Ask the Arboretum Experts has been brought to you by the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum in Chaska, dedicated to welcoming, informing, and inspiring all through outstanding displays, protected natural areas, horticultural research, and education.

- Today, we're in the beautiful memorial garden of Jerry and Vivian Heltemes here in Morris.

Thanks so much for letting us come.

- Well, we're glad you're here.

It's an honor.

- [Mary] Tell us how and when did this garden come to be.

- Well, Justin was 16 when he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, and he died when he was 19.

He graduated from high school in May, and then died in August.

And before he died, we had conversations with him that no parents should have to have with their son.

But when we were talking about funerals one time, he said that he didn't want flowers at his funeral.

He thought they were a waste of money.

And so he wanted people to contribute to cancer research because he had cancer.

After he died, we of course contacted the local flower and nursery center to purchase flowers for the casket, even though that was not his wish, we were going to have flowers for him.

And she told us that she already had a number of orders from people.

And so I told her about Justin's wish, and she knew that we liked to garden.

And so she said, "How about if I direct people to giving you plants instead?"

We were shocked though at how many flowers we received, and there was no way that we were gonna be able to fit them into the gardens that we already had.

We decided that we wanted it in the front yard, so that we could see it from our deck.

And then we also wanted people to be able to come and visit any time that they wished.

That it wouldn't be just for us, that his friends and any neighbors or whomever wanted to come could just drive into the driveway and pull up, and walk through the garden.

If they wanted to sit a while and reminisce or meditate or whatever, that it would be here for them as well.

He loves spending time with his friends.

He loves sports.

He loved the Morris Tigers.

He played baseball, and after he was diagnosed, he kept stats for the team.

- His favorite baseball team was Fargo RedHawks.

We have seen several games up there.

He also enjoyed snowmobiling and deer hunting.

- [Mary] How did you design this garden?

- [Vivian] Well, initially, Jerry and I laid out hoses, and put it in the shape that we wanted, and we asked our neighbor, Raleigh Hendrix, who's a local landscape person to come and if he would till up the area for us.

Well, he came one day when Jerry was at work, and he said, "You know, Vivian, you have all these wildflowers in the background."

He said, "I think what you really wanna do is have the garden just flow right all the way to the wildflowers."

And I thought, "Well, that sounds like a good idea."

He and I agreed.

And so he tilled up this whole big area, and the garden ended up being much larger than we'd ever imagined.

(chuckles) - [Jerry] We decided we needed a walking pad, so we went out.

I work at a construction outfit, and we had rocks in the gravel pit, and we got the pickup and trailer, and sorted through the rock pile on Memorial Weekend, and it was turned in more of a labor weekend.

So a couple days later, we had these established, and it turned out pretty good.

- [Mary] What is the beautiful ground cover that you use between the rocks?

- [Vivian] Well, there are a couple of different kinds of thyme.

Up here is corsican mint, and then toward the back is a lemon thyme, and if you rub your hand through it, it will smell like lemon.

- [Mary] Oh, well, and then what are some of the other things that you incorporated into the garden?

- [Jerry] Well, one of the main features is the baseball field, and it's got a grass kinda infield, and then it's bats around it, which are our son's bats, and also, some of his teammates' bats.

Vivian has planted flowers around it corresponding with the tiger colors and such.

- [Vivian] But the tigers always, always have bases loaded.

(laughs) - [Mary] So have you purchased some of the special things here in the garden or have people given them to you, or both?

- Initially, some friends of ours gave us a little plaque that we really liked.

It had an inscription on it with his name and the date of his birth and death, and we had that at the front of the garden mounted on a piece of board, but it didn't withstand the test of time.

So we had that inscription engraved on a rock which now is at the beginning of the garden.

Some other friends of ours who live in Montana have found a piece of driftwood near a waterfalls that's important to us.

And so we have that in the garden.

After he died, an angel statue appeared on our doorstep.

We don't know for sure who gave it to us.

No one has ever said that it...

When I've asked people, no one's ever said it actually came from them.

- We've got a dove given to us from Justin's cousins in Michigan.

It's needing little mending over the years, but it went through the test of times.

- We have a lightning bug boy.

Justin really liked lightning bugs and sunsets and waterfalls.

We have a lot of hostas, we have a lot of lilies, but we like to have color throughout the summer.

In the spring, it starts with the fern, peony, and the iris, and the flocks.

And then later on, the annuals come in, coral bells and coreopsis start to bloom, and we both like blue, and Justin, that was his favorite color.

But the blue delphiniums are probably one of my favorite.

- How do you guys divide up or how do you keep everything up?

(Vivian and Mary laughing) - Well, it's pretty easy.

In the spring, it's kinda my duty to do the back work.

And then from then on, then Vivian takes care of it for therapy, and she does the brain work.

So yeah, I just do the back work.

(chuckles) - We both do weeding.

I do most of the deadheading, and like he says, "It's good therapy."

He always says it's cheaper than a therapist.

(both laughing) - [Mary] I was gonna ask you, what do you like the most about being here in the memorial garden?

- I think I just like coming down to relax.

Even if I'm working in it, I find it relaxing.

Sometimes I'll come down and sit on the bench and read a book.

Just meditate, enjoy nature.

- Well, your garden is beautiful, thank you so much for sharing it with us.

- And we hope that if anyone sees the show, and they would like to come to visit, that they will.

- Thank you.

- [Announcer] Funding for "Prairie Yard & Garden" is provided by Heartland Motor Company, providing service to Minnesota and the Dakotas for over 30 years in the heart of Truck Country.

Heartland Motor Company, we have your best interest at heart.

Farmers Mutual Telephone Company and Federated Telephone Cooperative, proud to be powering Acira, pioneers in bringing state-of-the-art technology to our rural communities.

Mark and Margaret Yackel-Juleen, in honor of Shalom Hill Farm, a nonprofit rural education retreat center in a beautiful prairie setting near Windom, Minnesota.

And by friends of "Prairie Yard & Garden," a community of supporters like you who engage in the long-term growth of the series.

To become a friend of "Prairie Yard & Garden," visit pioneer.org/pyg (instrumental music)