I'm going to let somebody film this whole story and be as vulnerable as I possibly can, and tell the most, the most truth.

Why did you decide to allow us to do this when this was no your original intention?

Right.

I don't think I knew what I was getting into.

That's.

Maybe that's the best way of saying it.

But we wanted to start it as an animation.

Three minutes.

That's how we.

We pitched it to you.

And you told me.

No.

And it has to be more than that.

So, really just knowin that there's a story to be told.

And it was really you that was like, you have something that would benefit so many people by telling them this and sharing your story.

Because this is not my story.

But like the story of so many people.

So yeah, that three minute animation wasn't going to do the trick on something that's so heavy.

Yeah.

For everyone.

Yeah.

But you really trusted us to to do it.

And we were talking upstairs about it, because you really allowed us to film and get as much as we wanted to get.

Then I ask you to do video diaries, which you did.

That was a pain.

Yeah, I okay.

But worth it.

I think in the end because they you really you were really vulnerable and I think that was a that was a choice.

You're a big choice to sa I'm really going to participate in this rathe than just kind of phone it in.

So everybody's here today part of the rhythm 19 fund.

How important it is for you to.

I mean, being a teacher is a very specific philosophy.

The intentionality of teaching and helping and being somebody in somebody's life.

I think that's a you could go i a thousand different directions because of your talent and I'm just wondering where that comes from.

Why teaching?

Oh, that's a that's a big question.

That can be I teach for many, many different reasons.

But when you make an impact on somebody and it's because you were able to teach them.

Yeah.

And I always say it' like you're teaching them music.

You're teaching them ho to be a great human being too, and how to process things.

That's awesome that way.

Well, let me jus drill down on that a little bit.

When you say it doesn't get bett Like, the grief is always there.

Yeah.

It doesn't go away.

Yeah.

And I say this in, like, the the Q and A's that we have, but it's always like, I'm thinking about it as a box and there's a there's a red button in that box and there's a little ball bouncing around, and every time it hits and lands on that button then like, you feel that grief, but over time, like that button gets smaller.

But when the ball hits that button, you still feel it the same way.

Yeah.

It's just a little less often.

But you still feel it.

Yeah.

You process i a little differently every time.

I think that's a beautiful way to put that right.

And that's my way of perceiving it.

Yeah.

Really, Somebody told me that once, an that's what resonated with me.

But it can be different, too.

Yeah, it's a lot.

Going forward what do you want people to get from this.

I mean you've seen it, you've watched it go through the screenings.

You've seen different audiences have it.

What, wha how do you want it to resonate.

What do you want the continuation to be?

I think a lot of it is awareness, child grief awareness.

And then also like the resources in your area that you have for Pittsburgh, we have Highmark Caring Place among many more.

Yeah.

But as you go and branch out and as the documentary branches out, you just have to d your own homework a little bit.

If you're trying to help other people because a lot of people come up to you and they ask, like, where do we go if we want all of this?

And it really is different for every area.

That's wh I think it's a little bit tough.

With like individual support and like making it personal to what you need.

Since it is different for everyone.

Yeah.

But I thin child grief awareness and just being aware of how you yourself and you talk about it is big with just being there to support.

You don't have to have like the catchphrase to help people with.

So often we hear the kids in the teen talking about they feel guilty.

They feel guilty when they're having fun or, you know, when they're experiencing the good things in life.

And we help them understand that that's part of the normal process of the grief journey.

The arts give us another vehicle for that expression.

There are times, especially through music, that you can express and say somethin that you can't say with words.

The avenue isn't as important as you finding some wa not to hold that grief inside.

When you say child grie awareness, what does that mean to you?

Like when you say that, what do you want people to.

Because it's a it's a very it's a broad statement.

Right.

To me I see kids losing a loved one and expressing it in various different ways.

That may not seem like they're grieving, but every kid will grieve that.

There's no way around it.

Right.

I know I said in the documentary, but like a lot of people think they're not grieving, right?

But every single person grieve.

So that's what I mean about the awareness is like one.

They're all going through i like step one is understand that they're pay attention.

Yeah.

And then if you go beyond tha it's like how do I support them.

Yeah.

How's it been for your family.

And how has it been for your friends that have been a part of it.

Because they also mean June and.

Right Liam and Luke, of course.

Yeah.

I mean, just thinking about.

And Mrs. O, who I got to see the other day, but it's.

How is how has it been for them?

And how's it been for your mom and dad?

It's it's been all over the place, I guess.

Like, for my parents, it's definitely brought all of us closer together.

It's given us, like, a communal goal to work towards and to help people out with.

I mean, my other friends.

It's coo for them to be in a documentary.

That's nice.

I like that, too.

That's.

That's awesome too.

Yeah.

It's like, oh, that's a big screen.

But also, is that something that means so much to them, is Ryans story.

A lot of them are teachers, an they're helping each other out.

But beyond, like the people that were in the documentary, like a lot of teacher that I've had have come up to me and just shared their stories.

And that's powerful.

That's really powerful.

Not just talking to, like, general teachers, but like talking to my own teachers and seeing what they're still going through.

Students, they've lost all of that.

It's been it's been a lot and really overwhelming.

I would think so.

There's a lot of responsibility in that.

Right.

Especially when they show up to like the screenings.

Yeah.

It's just like a really weird flip for me where I'm like, why are you watching me?

Like, I was in your class.

It's like a role reversal, in a way.

Right.

And it's not like they're in the teacher role where it's like, oh, I'll be supportive and, like, show up.

It's like they're.

They watch it and then they're emotional.

I'm like, I'm not used to this.

It's really it's a lot when you realize when you say happens to everyone and everybody deals with it.

It's a it's a level playing field at that point.

What's the one thing you know about yourself now that you didn't a year and a half ago before we started?

All or two years ago, I guess I should say, before we started all this.

You don't need to know ho to conduct if you I don't know.

I don't kno if you want to make great music.

Just have great musicians.

Yeah.

Just have great musicians.

I would say you can really have a great impact on people if you're working with a sense of purpose and willing.

Yeah.

That helps.

Yeah.

It's hard to work against yourself.

No, but you you have to.

You have to put yourself.

You you actively chose to put yourself in a position that you said, I am willing to let people hear my story, to be really honest and vulnerable and to and to make tim and space and energy for people I don't know, for them to share a connection with me about grief.

Right.

It's pretty big.

Yeah.

It is.

It's really important.