[♪♪] >> HELLO I'M BONNIE ERBE WELCOME TO THE CONTRARY'S YEARLY FILM FESTIVAL CALLED ALL ABOUT WOMEN AND GIRLS.

AS A PLATFORM FOR FIRST TIME FILMMAKERS WE HIGHLIGHT THE BEST WORK IN FOUR CATEGORIES: THEY ARE CURRENT EVENTS ABOUT ADVANCING THE RIGHTS OF GIRLS OR WOMEN OR DIVERSE COMMUNITIES IN THE U.S., CHANGING CULTURAL ATTITUDES ON GENDER FROM A WOMEN'S PERSPECTIVE, U.S. WOMEN'S HISTORY AND THE STUDENT ENTRY CATEGORY.

THIS WEEK'S WINNER WON THE CATEGORY CHANGING CULTURAL ATTITUDES ON GENDER FROM A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE.

IN TIES THAT BIND, FILMMAKER DIANA NEWTON INVITES US TO JOIN HER NORTH CAROLINA FAMILY ON THE JOURNEY THROUGH HER YOUNGER SIBLING'S TRANSGENDER CHANGE.

>> TAKE A MINUTE.

AND BREATHE.

[♪♪] >> THERE'S THIS UNSETTLING OLD FILM FOOTAGE OF THE TACOMA NARROWS BRIDGE SHOT IN 1940.

AND THE BRIDGE IS SEEN UNDERGROUND LATING WILDLY AS IT TEARS ITSELF APART.

AND IT DID THAT BECAUSE OF UNSEEN WEAKNESSES.

THE UNSEEN FORCE ACTING UPON IT IN THAT CASE WAS THE WIND.

BUT I THINK THAT THIS HOLDS TRUE IN GENERAL FOR FAMILIES, TOO.

THE LESS WE ACKNOWLEDGE OUR OWN VULNERABILITIES, THE LESS WE ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS UNSEEN IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS, THE MORE FRAGILE WE ARE.

[♪♪] >> IN MANY WAYS, WE LOOK LIKE A TYPICAL SOUTHERN FAMILY.

DAD WAS A DEEPLY COMMITTED BAPTIST MINISTER.

WHILE MOM WAS A HOMEMAKER AND THE BACKBONE OF OUR FAMILY.

THERE ARE FOUR OF US KIDS, TWO GREW UP IN THE CONSERVATIVE 50s; AND TWO OF US GREW UP IN THE CONSIDERABLY WILDER 60s.

BY THE 80s, MY YOUNGEST SIBLING, CHRIS, WAS A FULL-BLOWN ROCKER.

IT WAS THEN THAT WE DEVELOPED OUR NICKNAMES.

CHRIS BECAME CC AND I BECAME DD AND WE'VE USED THOSE EVER SINCE.

OUR FAMILY RULES HAD ALWAYS BEEN CLEAR, BUT UNSPOKEN.

PLAY NICE AND SWEEP THE HARD STUFF UNDER THE RUG.

HERE WE GO, I WILL TRY AND REMEMBER A BIT OF THE PREAMBLE WHAT I SAID THAT DAY AND THEN HOPEFULLY YOU WILL GET SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN USE IN 3, 2, 1... WELL, DD ACTUALLY, JUDITH AND I HAVE HAVE NEWS FOR YOU.

AND I CAN'T REALLY THINK OF A POETIC OR A GRACEFUL WAY TO TELL YOU THIS.

SO I WILL JUST SAY THAT I WANTED TO BECOME A WOMAN.

AND I COULDN'T BREATHE.

JUST LIKE NOW.

AND I NUMBED OUT.

AND I KNEW IT WAS TRUE.

AND THE FIRST THOUGHT I HAD THEN WAS OH, MY GOD.

WHERE ARE THEY GOING TO FIND A PLACE TO BE IN THIS WORLD?

TO BE SAFE AND ACCEPTED AND I COULDN'T PICTURE IT.

>> JUDITH HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY NUMBER ONE ADVOCATE.

AND SOMETIMES THAT MEANS CAUSING ME TO STRETCH IN WAYS THAT I DON'T WANT TO STRETCH OR CONFRONT THINGS THAT I DON'T WANT TO CONFRONT.

>> AND ASSUMING -- THERE YOU ARE.

HERE YOU ARE OUT.

OK. >> I TOLD JUDITH THAT I WAS GOING TO WATCH THIS DOCUMENTARY ON TELEVISION AND INVITED HER TO JOIN ME IF SHE WAS INTERESTED.

AND WE WATCHED IT.

AND WHEN IT WAS OVER, SHE JUST TURNED TO ME AND SAID "DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT?"

AND I SAID "YEAH, I DO."

>> FOR ME, TO ASK THAT WAS TO ACCEPT THAT THAT MAY BE SOMETHING THAT WAS CHANGING.

THIS WAS FOR ME, THE MOMENT WHERE I REALIZED THIS IS GOING THE WHOLE WAY.

>> OUR COMING OUT MEANT NOT JUST ME RELATING THIS NEWS ABOUT MY SPOUSE TO PEOPLE BUT IT WAS NEWS ABOUT ME.

IT INFORMED PEOPLE PARTICULARLY PEOPLE WHO WOULD IMMEDIATELY ASSUME THAT THIS WOULD CAUSE A BREAK UP THAT I WAS A PERSON WHO WAS VERY COMFORTABLE WITH THIS.

I THINK THE POINT WHERE I REALLY REALIZED THAT MY SPOUSE WAS GOING TO BE CHRISTINE, A WOMAN WAS FLYING BACK TO CALIFORNIA AFTER COMING OUT TO YOU.

AND THAT HER STATEMENT I WANT TO BE A WOMAN TO YOU, SHE HADN'T HAD TO SAY IT SO BOLDLY AND STRAIGHTFORWARDEDLY TO ME.

I KNEW THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTED AND I KNEW IT WAS WHAT SHE NEEDED FROM NOW ON.

THAT BRIEF TRIP WAS THE LAST TIME SHE WOULD SPEND ANYTIME IDENTIFYING AS MALE.

>> CHRIS WAS REALLY CHRISTINE.

FOR ALL THOSE YEARS THAT SHE AND JUDITH LIVED ON THE WEST COAST AWAY FROM THE REST OF US IT WAS EASY TO MISS HER GROWING GENDER CLARITY AND THE EVOLUTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE.

BUT ONCE SHE CAME OUT TO ME, I IMMEDIATELY STARTED WONDERING HOW THE REST OF THE FAMILY WAS GOING TO RESPOND.

AND THEN THERE WAS THE QUESTION WE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO ANSWER FOR SURE: HOW WOULD DAD HAVE RESPONDED?

I COULD ONLY TURN TO HIS SERMONS FOR CLUES.

>> I'VE USED AS THE TOPIC OF OUR MESSAGE THIS MORNING THE WORDS OF THAT DISTINGUISHED AMERICAN THEOLOGIAN GOMER PYLE.

SUE PRIZE, SUE PRIZE, SUE PRIZE!

WELL, THE MEANING OF THE MOMENT OR CIRCUMSTANCE BRINGING FORTH THE SURPRISE IS THE CLUE.

>> I KNEW CHRISTINE'S REVELATION WAS GOING TO TEST OUR FAMILY TIES IN A BIG WAY.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE.

AND I KNEW I NEEDED A WITNESS.

THAT WAS MY CAMERA.

>> HELLO.

>> HEY.

SO HOW ARE YOU?

>> I'M OK.

I'VE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

>> IT'S JUST BEEN A ROUGH FEW DAYS.

THIS EXCHANGE WITH ANITA REALLY RATTLED ME.

SHE STARTED IN A NEARLY HYSTERICAL FASHION.

I MEAN HEAVY BREATHING, CRYING, AND JUST STARTED RIGHT IN ON I JUST GOT CHRIS' LETTER AND WHY DOES HE HAVE TO SPREAD HIS THERAPY STUFF ALL OVER?

THE WHOLE WORLD DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW THIS.

I WILL KILL HIM IF HE COMES HERE TELLING PEOPLE AND I WAS LIKE ANITA, WHOA.

>> YOUR IDEAS AND MINE DON'T MESH.

I AM ASKING YOU NOT TO SEND ME ANYMORE PICTURES AND TO RESPECT MY FEELINGS.

I'M CONCERNED THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO BUILD A WALL THAT WILL KEEP THE PAIN OF CHRIS' CHANGE OUT.

>> I AM TRULY SORRY THAT WHO I AM IS SUCH AN INCONVENIENCE.

>> I REMEMBER VERY CLEARLY TAKING THE FIRST MENTAL HEALTH DAY OFF FROM WORK I EVER TOOK.

AND I WENT AND TOOK A LONG WALK THAT MORNING IN THE FREEZING COLD.

AND THEN I WENT TO MY FRIEND LAURA'S HOUSE TO JUST PROCESS.

>> SOUNDS LIKE YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK.

>> WHAT SHE DID WAS SHE JUST WROTE A LETTER SAYING TO CHRISTINE, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, BUT YOU AND I ARE FROM DIFFERENT GENERATIONS AND I JUST DON'T AGREE WITH WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

SO I'M COMFORTABLE WITH WRITTEN COMMUNICATION.

BASICALLY.

WHICH SOMEHOW DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT SHOULD BE SUCH A BIG DEAL.

BUT -- >> IT'S KIND OF LIKE I'LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

>> IT'S LIKE SHUNNING.

IT FEELS LIKE A SHUNNING.

I WROTE HER A LETTER JUST SAYING YOU KNOW, YOUR CHOICES IMPACT MORE THAN JUST YOU AND CHRISTINE.

IT IS NOT LIKE THIS COMPARTMENTALIZED THING.

WHEN I KNOW THAT YOU CAN JUST SHUT SOMEBODY OUT.

HOW DO YOU -- HOW DO I KNOW YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO THAT TO ME?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO HER AT THIS POINT.

I JUST FEEL LIKE SHE'S EXITING THE DIALOGUE AND THE DIALOGUE IS THE ONLY HOPE.

>> WE'RE WAITING FOR MY COLOR'S 33 RUSTED GLOW.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

MAYBE SOME DAY?

>> WE ALL SORT OF STARTED TO REALIZE THAT MY BODY WAS GOING TO REACH A POINT WHERE IT MIGHT BECOME MORE AND MORE OBVIOUS TO MOM THAT THINGS WERE HAPPENING.

AND I THINK THAT DROVE IN PART OUR COLLECTIVE COMFORT WITH COMING OUT TO HER.

THERE WAS A SENSE OF ACCEPTANCE AND INEVITABILITY WHICH SUPPORTED US THROUGH THAT DECISION.

>> SO WE GOT EVERYBODY ONBOARD WITH THE FACT THAT CC AND JUDITH WERE COMING AND SHE WAS GOING TO COME OUT TO MOM.

>> GREETINGS, GIRLS!

>> DO WE HAVE A GAME PLAN?

I MEAN IN HOW MUCH ONE DO WE NEED FOR TOMORROW?

>> FOR TOMORROW, I FEEL LIKE TO SOME EXTENT I'M TRYING TO PRESENT STILL MALE FOR MOM'S SAKE.

>> OK. >> PART OF WHAT I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH IS JUST EDUCATIONAL ON HER PART HOW I CHANGED MY NAME, MY DRIVER'S LICENSE SAY THESE THINGS AND MY CREDIT CARD SAY THESE THINGS AND I NEED TO INTERACT WITH THE PUBLIC IN THIS WAY AND I NEED YOU TO SEE IT'S OK. >> I THINK SHE IS GOING TO WANT TO UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT WHY WE HAVE NOT TOLD HER SOONER.

THERE'S PART OF ME THAT FEELS LIKE I'VE PARTICIPATED IN ACHARADE THAT I HELPED PROMOTE.

>> A CONSPIRACY OF LOVE.

>> GO TO LUNCH.

>> HAVE LUNCH.

>> GO TO LUNCH.

>> PROBABLY NEED TO GET LUNCH.

WHY ARE YOU SOUND EMPHATIC ABOUT DON'T WANT TO GET LUNCH?

>> I WILL BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE OUT IN PUBLIC.

>> I SEE.

OK. GOTCHA.

>> I'M NOT INTERESTED IN TRYING TO SAY GO BACK AND PRETEND BUT THIS IS SORT OF THE EASING INTO THE WATER.

HERE IS MY THINKING.

MAYBE A COUPLE OF KEY PIECES BUT NOT THE FULL OUTFIT.

LET ME SORT OF PAINT A CONTINUUM OF -- >> FROM JEANS THE POLO.

>> ALL THE WAY 0 OUT TO THE BARELY GOING TO HINT THAT I AM IN THE GIRL LAND THIS IS THE 10 AND THIS IS THE 0.

YOU KNOW, I THINK STAYING IN THE 0-2 RANGE RATHER THAN GETTING UP INTO THE 5 AND 6 RANGE.

YOU ARE SAYING TELL US WHAT 5 AND 6 LOOKS LIKE AS OPPOSED TO A 2.

>> I NEED MORE COFFEE.

THAT IS LIKE, OH, GOD.

>> I'M NOT TERRIBLY COMFORTABLE WITH THE AMOUNT OF OBJECTIVITY THAT YOU HAVE ON WHAT I GET TO WEAR THIS TRIP.

I THINK IT'S EASY TO OVERLOOK IN BEING PROTECTIVE OF HER IS A WORSE CASE SCENARIO IN BEING PROTECTIVE OF HER I DO NOT DRESS WELL ENOUGH AND WE'RE TRAVELING TO MYRTLE BEACH AND I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND I NEED TO GO TO THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM AND THERE IS A SCENE AND SHE GETS TO SEE ALL THE WORST OF THIS WHOLE THING.

>> STOP.

STOP.

THAT JUST DID IT.

>> I TRIED SAYING THAT.

>> OK.

I'M WITH YOU.

>> I THINK THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN IS FOR YOU TO DO THE SAME TWO THINGS I WILL ASK HER TO DO.

WHICH IS TO TRUST ME AND TO BE HONEST WITH ME.

[♪♪] >> THIS IS KIND OF A VACATION ON MOTHER'S DAY.

I'VE ASKED JUDITH AND DIANA TO JOIN ME TO SHARE SOME NEWS WITH YOU.

IT RELATES TO MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY OWN BODY.

AND SO I'M HOPING THAT YOU WILL ACCEPT THIS SELF REVELATION AS A PRESENT TO YOU ON THE OCCASION OF MOTHER'S DAY IN THE SPIRIT OF THE PERSON WHO GAVE BIRTH TO ME, PROBABLY WANTING TO KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS ABOUT ME.

IS THAT SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH?

>> WELL, I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING THAT YOU COULD DO THAT WOULD UPSET ME.

>> MYSELF IMAGE DOES NOT CORRESPOND TO THE BODY THAT I WAS BORN WITH.

TO PUT IT MORE PLAINLY I THINK OF MYSELF AS A WOMAN.

RATHER THAN AS A MAN.

AND THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF DISTANCE THAT HAS OCCURRED THROUGH THE YEARS BECAUSE OF THIS.

AND IN SEPTEMBER OF LAST YEAR, I ACTUALLY LEGALLY CHANGED MY NAME.

>> TO WHAT?

>> TO CHRISTINE.

TO BUSH, I TOOK JUDITH'S NAME.

SO WE WANTED TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU NEED TO KNOW.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT'S BEEN A REAL BURDEN NOT HAVING YOU BE IN THE ROOM.

>> YOU FEEL YOU ARE COUNTRIES TEEN BUT YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO JUDY.

>> THAT IS RIGHT.

>> THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT.

SO WHETHER -- >> ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE.

[LAUGHTER] >> RIGHT.

RIGHT.

>> I'M WONDERING HOW YOU ARE FEELING?

HEARING THIS?

>> WELL, [INAUDIBLE] I CAN ASSURE OF THAT.

NOT INTO THIS.

AND I'M JUST PROFOUNDLY GRATEFUL THAT YOU ALL WORKED THIS OUT BETWEEN YOURSELVES THAT WOULD BE MY MAIN CONCERN.

>> MAY I HOLD YOUR HAND AND ASK YOU A QUESTION.

ARE YOU GLAD THAT I TOLD YOU?

>> YES.

YES.

I AM.

>> OK. WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

>> BYE-BYE.

>> BYE.

>> OH, MAN.

>> DID THIS COME AS A COMPLETE SHOCK OR DID YOU HAVE ANY INCLING?

>> I HAD NO INCLING NON-WHATEVER, NON-WHATEVER.

YOU JUST DON'T GET A REVELATION LIKE THIS AND TWO AND THREE DAYS IT ANSWERS ALL YOUR QUESTIONS AND EVERYTHING.

TIME HAS TO COME AROUND TO IT.

AND -- >> MOM WAS NOT ONE TO EXPRESS HER EMOTIONS VERBALLY.

SHE HAD BEEN A WRITER INSTEAD.

>> WHAT A REVELATION IT WAS.

I FOUND THAT WHILE MENTALLY I HAD BEEN CALM AND COOL AS A CUCUMBER, MY EMOTIONS WERE FINALLY KICKING IN.

I FELT DAZED, A BIT TREMBLEY AND LIKE I HAD BEEN WOLLOPPED.

WE HAD THREE DAYS AT OUR CONDO IN MYRTLE BEACH.

IT WAS GOOD TO DO BEACHY THINGS LIKE WALKS AND SWINGS AND EATING OUT AND THE MOVIE AND ACTIVITIES THAT BROKE THE CONSTANT AWARENESS THAT WE WERE IN AN ADJUSTMENT MODE TO THIS NEWS.

I FINALLY DID GO AND TALK WITH MY PASTOR ABOUT IT.

>> THE THINGS THAT I REALLY REMEMBER ABOUT THAT CONVERSATION WAS HER GRATIFICATION AND YET MYSTIFY INDICATION AS TO HOW YOU ALL HAD BEEN TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF HER IN TERMS OF SHIELDING HER.

>> IT WAS JUST A EVIDENCE OF YOU ALL CARING FOR ME, PROTECTING ME AND WAITING TO FIND THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL ME.

>> SHE WAS PLEASED THAT YOU WERE THAT CONCERNED ABOUT HER BUT ALSO SORT OF IF I IT WAS RATHER LIKE WELL, DON'T THEY THINK I'M A BIG GIRL AND HANDLE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE?

>> I DON'T THINK I RESENTED IT, I DON'T THINK.

>> THERE IS A LOT OF MOTHERS WHO WOULD NOT HAVE TAKEN IT NEARLY THE WAY YOUR MOTHER DID.

BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, I REMEMBER BEING DEEPLY APPRECIATIVE OF THE KIND OF RESOLUTE I AM GOING TO BACK THIS CHILD.

>> THE BOTTOM LINE IS FOR CHRIS TO BE THE PERSON HE, SHE IS COMFORTABLE WITH.

AND WE SHOULD SUPPORT THIS.

I THOUGHT OF THE ANALOGY OF SOMEONE LOCKED IN A DARK, FRIGHTENING HOUSE WHO EVERY TIME THAT PERSON TRIED TO STEP OUT THE DOOR, SOMEONE SAID NO, GET BACK INSIDE AND STAY THERE.

>> ON HER PART IT WAS A KIND OF BEING ABLE TO HEAR SCRIPTURE AND ALSO TO WRESTLE WITH IT AND NOT BE HAMMERED BY IT AS MUCH AS SHE WAS GUIDED AND HELPED BY IT.

>> PAUL AND THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE BY ANY AND ALL.

EVERYBODY HAS TO RELATE TO GOD IN THEIR OWN WAY.

AND IF HE AND JUDY, SHE AND JUDY CAN MAKE THIS DECISION AND BE HAPPY WITH IT, WHO AM I TO RUN THEIR LIVES?

>> DID THIS COME AS A COMPLETE SHOCK?

OR DID YOU HAVE ANY INC. CLING?

>> I HAD NO INCLING WHATEVER.

>> I HAVE TO BE HONEST... WELL BEFORE CHRISTINE CAME OUT TO HER I INTERVIEWED MOM, FISHING AROUND ABOUT WHAT SHE MAY HAVE NOTICED AS CC GREW UP.

>> THE BIGGEST SURPRISE WAS CHRIS THE ONLY ONE THAT I SOMEHOW HAD SOME STUPID REASON FUNNY REASON THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO BE A GIRL.

BECAUSE I HAD ALL YOUR BABY CLOTHES AND YOU WERE A GIRL AND I THOUGHT IF THIS IS A GIRL I BROUGHT ALL THE BABY CLOTHES TO CHICAGO WITH ME.

AND THEN WHEN THEY CAME IN AND TOLD ME IT WAS A BOY, AND I SAID IT'S A BOY.

IT'S A BOY.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO BE A LITTLE GIRL.

SOMETIMES HE WOULD GET VERY ANGRY.

I REMEMBER ONE AFTERNOON HE WENT OUT THE BACK DECK AND DOWN PAST THE HOUSE AND JUST STOPPED AND JUST BEAT ON THE HOUSE.

JUST BEAT WITH HIS HANDS.

I DISCOVERED THAT HE WAS WRITING THINGS AND PUTTING THEM IN THE TRASH CAN.

JUST ALL THESE THINGS GENERALLY SPEAKING YOUNG BOYS DO NOT TALK LIKE THAT.

>> ONE OF THE MOST PROFOUND PARTS OF MY JOURNEY OF COMING TO REALLY ACCEPT AND KNOW CHRISTINE AS A WOMAN WAS LETTING GO OF CHRISTOPHER.

I REMEMBER SHE HAD WHAT SHE CALLED HER BOY CLOTHES.

LIKE A MAN'S SHIRT, A BELT, SOME HARD-SOLED SHOES AND SHE LEFT THEM AT MY HOUSE IN CASE SHE EVER NEEDED TO PRESENT AS A MAN AGAIN.

IT'S LIKE I WANTED TO JUST HOLD ON TO THAT.

IT WAS LIKE THEY WERE IN A LITTLE COFFIN IN THE DRAWER.

AND I REALLY FELT LIKE HE WAS GONE.

[♪♪] [♪♪] >> IN THE YEARS AFTER CC CAME OUT TO MOM, MOM STARTED FADING DUE TO ALZHEIMER'S.

AND PEOPLE ALWAYS ASKED ME DID SHE KNOW YOU?

DID SHE KNOW THE CHILDREN?

AND MOST OF THE TIME SHE DID.

BUT IT CAME AND WENT.

BUT THE ALWAYS THOUGHT THE MOST REMARKABLE THING WAS EVEN TO THE END SHE STILL KNEW THAT CHRISTINE WAS A GIRL.

[♪♪] >> WE HOPE YOU FOUND THIS EDITION OF OUR ALL ABOUT WOMEN AND GIRLS FILM FESTIVAL ENLIGHTENING.

PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AND VISIT OUR WEBSITE, PBS.ORG/TOTHECONTRARY.

AND WHETHER YOU AGREE OR THINK TO THE CONTRARY, SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

[♪♪] EE AN ON-LINE VERSION OF THIS EPISODE OF TO THE CONTRARY VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT PBS.ORG/TOTHECONTRARY.

[♪♪]