♪ Brittney Brackett> "I don't want to be "at the mercy of my emotions.

"I want to use them, to enjoy them and to dominate them."

Words of author and poet Oscar Wilde.

From school stress to social media drama, from friendships to family tension, the emotions can run high.

And sometimes it's hard to know what to do with them.

But what if learning to understand your emotions could help you handle life better?

Tonight we're talking emotional intelligence, what it means, how to build it, and how to make us stronger together.

This is SCETV's Safe Space .

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Hi, I'm Brittney Brackett, and welcome to SCETV's Safe Space , a program designed to help our youth navigate today's societal challenges.

In a world where stress, identity, and expectations often collide, emotional intelligence, or being smart with your feelings has never been more important.

Today, we're joined by some amazing students from across the Midlands for a real and open conversation about recognizing emotions, managing reactions, and communicating with empathy, both with our peers and with adults.

We'll explore what emotional intelligence looks like in everyday life, and how developing it can change the way we relate to ourselves and to others.

Hi there everybody.

Group> Hey!

Brittney> How are you?

Group> Good.

Fabulous.

Brittney> Okay, so we have students today from surrounding schools.

C.A.

Johnson High, represent.

Where y'all at?

Whoop!

Whoop!

>> That's right.

Brittney> Dreher High School.

Group> Yeah.

Brittney> I see you.

I see you, and Westwood High School.

Thank you all for being here.

She's like I'm here by myself, but I'm here.

So how are you feeling?

Group> Feeling great, actually.

Good.

Amazing.

Brittney> So let's just start with the basics.

Okay.

When you hear the term emotional intelligence, what does that really mean to you?

>> Your feelings.

Your feelings.

Brittney> Your feelings.

So when you're when you're interacting with other people and something might make you upset or something that they say might kind of resonate and hit a little deep, how do you manage that to prevent the outbursts?

Reonna Dungee> When somebody say something outrageous or like, out of the way to me, I just like, I'll make a face.

I'll just be like.

Brittney> Sometimes, it sits right here.

Reonna> Yeah, like, without me even saying it out my mouth, like my face goes there first.

What was that to say?

Brittney> So you speak with the face first?

Reonna> Yeah.

Brittney> I kind of, I do the same thing.

I do the same thing.

But I have a quote I want y'all to think about for a second.

"Do not teach children never to be angry.

"Teach them how to be angry."

Lyman Abbott So think on that for a minute.

What does it mean to teach someone how to be angry, or how to manage their emotions?

Rhyan Horton> To teach them how to regulate their anger or sadness and their emotions so they don't have outbursts?

Brittney> Regulate.

That's such a great word.

We use it more and more in school now.

How do you regulate, if you don't mind me asking?

Rhyan> If I'm feeling a little upset, I'll, like try and calm myself down, take a few deep breaths.

If I'm in a place where I can listen to music or, like, scroll Pinterest or something, just like something to ground myself.

My mom and I have a lot of talks about, like grounding and so, like, feeling things or like, smelling around and like, trying to like, grasp reality.

Brittney> There you go.

I love the grounding.

Who else is into grounding here?

Anybody tried it?

Anybody?

How does it make you feel?

Same?

Tanai Myers> Makes me feel very calm, especially when I'm very overwhelmed.

Like, I just get to feeling like I'm okay.

Take it bring my 10 to a 2.

Brittney> 10 to a 2.

I like it.

I like it.

So you said overwhelmed, keyword.

Right?

What are some things that get you overwhelmed, like on a not a daily basis, because we don't want you feeling overwhelmed on a daily basis.

But what's something throughout your week, maybe, or your month that might put you in that state of being overwhelmed?

Tanai> Okay, so sometimes I get overwhelmed because I take regular school class and college classes.

So when...I try not to get my work piled up, but when it gets to the point where it gets like a little piled up, I get a little overwhelmed.

Brittney> Okay.

Tanai> So I manage that, like, <Okay> Make a good time schedule for everything.

Brittney> Time management.

That's another good point.

We'll touch on that in just a little bit.

Anybody else want to add?

Joyelle> When stuff gets thrown at you like all at once, like it makes me feel so overwhelmed.

Brittney> Yeah.

Heavy task load.

I'm with you there.

So, so here's something I want you to think about, since we're talking about being aware and, hopefully not too critical of yourselves.

That's why I'm going to ask this question.

What is the difference, you think, between being self-aware of your emotions and self critical of how you handle yourself in a situation?

Sophia Robinson> I think there's a clear difference.

I feel like self awareness is I know my limits.

I know who I am, I know what stresses me out.

I know what I do well.

I know what I don't do as well.

I feel like, when you cross into being overly self-critical, like, I hate this about me.

Oh, I'm so annoying.

I'm so this.

Maybe you're not annoying.

You're just you.

And it's important to keep that in track, but it isn't, you don't have to bully yourself about maybe things that aren't your strong suit with other people or activities or anything else.

Brittney> Oh, you made me feel so much better about myself.

I appreciate that, less self critical of myself.

Yes?

Reonna> I feel like being self-aware is like being aware of, like yourself and your surroundings around you.

>> And like- Brittney> - Your energy too.

Reonna> Yeah.

Like, because I'm one of them people.

I'll read off energy, like, right now I like your energy.

You have a perfect aura.

Brittney> I like your energy too.

Reonna> But, with like criticizing yourself that, when you do it, like that, makes people think like, oh, she ain't got no self-esteem or he ain't got no self esteem or like, you just talking down to yourself.

That's not, that's not something that you should do.

Like that's a unhealthy habit.

Brittney> Right.

And sometimes bullying happens because of that.

Someone is insecure about themselves and they project those insecurities onto that person that they choose to bully.

But as we kind of segue into what you said and, and a couple of you, over here, here's a statistic to think about too.

So when you look at the numbers, nationally, nearly two thirds of adolescents, about 63 percent say they've had at least one anger attack in their life.

Okay.

When they either threaten with violence or they destroy property.

So, sometimes when people are projecting, they might be going through things at home that you don't know about.

There could be some very serious things going on and that's the way that they cope with it.

So, my question to you is if you've ever experienced an anger attack, what, where did it come from, and how do you think you could have maybe chosen to respond differently?

(laughing) She's like I have a whole story.

Reonna> Yeah because, like, I ain't even going to lie when I was younger, like my anger used to be so bad to the point where, like, I used to go in my room and just mess it all up.

But then like, once I calmed myself down, I'll clean it all up.

Like, that's just, I don't know, I just feel like it's a phase that certain people go through.

And you have to go through that phase, for you to be able to know like, okay, this is my limit.

I don't never want to be here again.

And if I ever like, get mad or whatever, I look at myself in the mirror and I'd be like, girl, you looking ugly right now.

(laughing) That's just what I... Brittney> Don't say that about yourself.

Reonna> But, I know I don't looking ugly, but, like, I don't be I'm, I'm...Black girls.

I just feel like Black girls just shouldn't be mad like y'all.

We pretty, like, always being positive.

like self-a... like you said...self-awareness.

Brittney> You got to affirm yourself.

You got to, you got to take time throughout your day, your week, as much as you can to empower yourself.

And when you look in the mirror, you should always want to feel like you are bringing something to the world.

And that's why affirmations and positive self-talk is so important.

Does anybody have affirmations that they have like committed to memory?

She's ready.

Yes.

What's one that you have committed to memory?

Reonna> All right.

This is something that my grandma always told me.

You Black.

You beautiful.

You intelligent.

Say that every day in a mirror.

Brittney> Kind of like, "You is smart, "You is kind, and you is important."

Group> Yes.

Kind.

You are smart.

You is important.

(laughing) Brittney> I think, somebody over here?

Keziah> I had one.

So, like, every morning before I go to school, my mom tells me before I go inside the school because she knows how, like, stressful it can be to, like, be around a lot of students that like, carry like their emotions.

So she tells me like every day, like, I'm beautiful.

Like she said, I'm beautiful.

Don't let anybody take you down.

Control yourself when you enter classrooms.

And when you talk to students and the teacher.

And just be yourself.

Brittney> It's interesting that you say that because you mentioned teachers.

So how do you think it feels for a teacher to come into a classroom.

And they might have 30 or 40 students that are not regulated, and they might not be regulated?

So they have to balance their emotions, and they're taking in everybody else's emotions in the room before they can even teach.

So what do you think are some ways during school that you can assist yourself and others with helping to balance their emotions, and yours as well?

Colin Covert> Well, I feel like it's an internal thing.

I feel like, I feel like even though you said ways to do that at school, I feel like a lot of those things you should be doing at home.

Your bad attitude has nothing to do with me, my dear.

I'm sorry I came here to do this work.

I have assignments to do.

Don't, don't, don't do that around me.

But if you do, so happen to have to do those things, you know, in a school setting, again, it's that self-regulation, doing whatever it is that is that is a safe and healthy way to express those feelings, whatever those emotions are, you know, make sure that you're doing so in a calm manner.

And it doesn't necessarily have to be anger either.

It could be positivity, extreme happiness.

You just have to make sure that it's, it's, you know, it has to be done in a safe way that keeps all of the other people in the room and in the space with you in mind.

So yeah.

Brittney> I love it.

<Yes> I love it.

Great, Great way to segue into our next moment.

And we'll come back to that, because there are a lot of things that we got to talk about.

But emotional intelligence can show up in many ways at home, in school, or even online.

Here's a story that highlights what happens when young people start to understand and express their emotions in healthy ways.

Mom> Landon is a sweet child.

He's very sweet, very polite.

Funny, can be a little standoffish at times, but once he gets to know people, he'll loosen up.

But yeah, he's a great kid.

I saw him not having confidence in himself and, like, easily annoyed, by other children.

So he'll be playing with somebody, they'll take a ball from him.

He's just upset.

Or when he was playing his video games that he was losing, he'll throw the remote.

He would knock the system over.

He would stomp.

He would cry because he wasn't winning the game.

I think that just stems from him not having dad.

I think that impacted him as well, because you go from seeing your father talking to him to that just became non-existent.

So I think that he was internalizing some of that hurt and pain, and that was coming out when he was playing with his friends, or he's losing the game because he didn't know how to navigate those emotions.

Landon> One example that I can remember very thoroughly was one time I was in elementary school.

I was playing around my friends.

We were joking around and, you know, we were joking, playing, and one of my friends actually said something that made me pretty, like, upset.

I was like about my parents, about my, my dad and whatnot.

And from that moment, I, I obviously I didn't know how to control my emotional state, especially my anger.

So I had went off on him and I cursed him out.

Although knowing I shouldn't have, I did end up getting in trouble and did take responsibility for all my actions.

Mom> I decided to sign Landon up for Big Homie Lil Homie, because after my divorce dad really wasn't active in his life.

Dad actually lives out of state and so I wanted him to be around positive male figures.

Jamal Stroud> I started Big Homie Lil Homie mentoring program because I wanted to fill the gap for our kids who are of fatherless homes.

I grew up without a father and a mother, so I know the gap of not having that positive male role model.

So when I was old enough, I started to work with the kids, really enjoyed working with kids, and it allowed me to flourish into a mentoring program.

Before that, we actually had a summer program and we had over 50 kids.

And I raised the question to say, who has a father in their home and only two kids, out of those 50 kids raised their hand.

So that was the aha moment that I needed to start a mentoring program.

Landon> I've been in the Big Homie Lil Homie program for about four years now, and it's been very beneficial for me for not only like handling with my emotional state, but also handling me with like school and having somebody there to be able to talk to, as well.

Jamal> Landon wants to do great things.

He has great potential.

And a lot of people have told him that.

So he's internalizing that and thinking he has to be perfect, but my relationship with Landon is that he has to be himself, and it's okay to fail, but it's okay to get back up.

Landon> Mr.

Jamal, he taught me about the box breathing method, where you go into a box with your finger, breathe in and out.

As well as the circle method, as well.

So those breathing techniques, has really, helped me to overcome my anger.

Jamal> So, if our youth continue to suppress their emotions, it can lead into rage, it can lead into self-harm, it could lead into harming others.

It can lead into harming their community.

Mom> I see that he's now confident.

I see that he thinks more before he reacts.

I see that he's calmer now.

He doesn't let little things bother him anymore like they used to.

Landon> Being in this program has made me feel more confident, not only in myself, but also like as a person realizing that in this program that it's teaching me all these things about being a young man, I realized that this could actually really help me in my future and help me with the things that I need to do to not only be able to be a better person, but also be a better like family member, and also be a better mentor to some people that I've already been helping.

Mom> The advice that I would give to parents is they had to remember that these kids are human.

Even though they're children, they're still human.

And so we have to respect that, that okay, you're a human being just like me.

I want to be treated with respect, when I'm mad or I want to be left alone when I'm mad.

So we have to also give them that same grace.

So just give your kids grace.

You know, I know that a lot of us was raised, I know I was raised that I couldn't get mad, I couldn't show that I was upset, I couldn't roll my eyes.

I couldn't suck my teeth.

I couldn't go off in my room and close a door because that was deemed as being disrespectful.

So we have to sometimes get away from that and just give the kids grace.

Jamal> Having a mentor is everything.

Having a mentor is having that safe space.

Having a mentor is that person where you could kind of confide in.

Having a mentor, is that loved one that can guide you on the right track.

So if I was to say anything, I would just say, continue to find that next person that can believe in you, so you can actually see tomorrow.

♪ Brittney> We can't always control how we feel, but we can control what we do with those feelings.

Let's talk about managing those big emotions.

We talked a little bit in the break.

Okay.

Triggers, triggers, triggers, triggers.

I have some things for you to think about.

Teens ages 13 to 19, okay.

So, here are some common anger triggers.

Hormonal changes amplifying emotional reactions.

Y'all know what I'm talking about.

Feeling misunderstood by adults.

How many of you feel that sometimes?

Ho, ho.

I've been your age, so I know.

Academic pressure.

Anybody?

Social media arguments or digital stress?

Okay, I'm proud of y'all.

I'm proud.

Unresolved trauma, bottled up emotions.

Anger often coexists with anxiety.

Yep.

Yeah.

So family conflict or inconsistent rules in a situation, as well.

Or relationship conflicts and breakups?

Nobody knows anything about those though, right?

Nobody knows anything.

Okay.

Joking.

Joking.

So these are some healthy coping strategies, school and home.

Reflective journaling, who's tried it?

How, how did you get something out of it?

Long term?

Short term?

How did it go?

Reonna> I did it for one day, and like writing is just not my thing.

Brittney> It's not?

>> No.

Brittney> What about it, didn't fit for you, didn't mesh?

Reonna> Like, I don't know, I guess like me, just... thinking about what to put on the paper.

That's really what got me.

How I was going to start it off by telling, like, what happened.

Brittney> So, I'm gonna put this out there.

You don't have to answer.

It can be hypothetical.

Were you afraid to write it down because you thought somebody would see it?

Or were you afraid to just put it in the atmosphere and get it out of here?

Reonna> Ummm.

Brittney> You don't have to answer.

You can just think about it, because that can be like a coping mechanism, too.

It can be a way that fear kind of sits within you and prevents you from making a move to heal.

There could be another way that would work for you.

Journaling might not be the thing, but maybe color therapy is your thing.

Tanai> Yeah, I like to paint and stuff.

Brittney> See.

There you go.

Tanai> Uh, on my notepad, on my phone, I be typing up something... type, type, typing a long paragraph on my notepad, on my phone.

Reonna> The only way I could be able to sit down and actually type and write is if I'm doing a poem.

A poem, yes.

Brittney> So, poetry that's, that's sort of like journaling, too.

Colin> But if you're thinking about it, that's what turns off anything.

If you if, if, if.

Well, I feel like when it comes to Brittney> You mean flow.

Colin> Things for... Yeah.

Like for self-regulation in particular the moment that it feels like I'm doing this because I have to in this moment, that's when I, that's when I'm just like, I've clocked, I've clocked out, because then when I'm just like, I've got to write 13 sentences, and then I'm like, "Oh, let's put it down", because I'm not doing that, then.

Brittney> It's pressure.

It's added pressure.

Colin> Added pressure.

Reonna> Can I add on to what he said?

Brittney> Sure.

Reonna> Okay.

I think that's probably what it was because like with the journalists situation, my mama want me to like find other coping methods to like help me stay calm.

And one of them is one of her coping methods So she wanted me to try it and as like, I was trying to know or whatever, >> Yeah.

Reonna> I was just like, man, hey, I would not would not do that for me.

Tanai> Yeah.

You got your own method.

Yeah, yeah.

Colin> It's got to be organic sometimes.

There you go.

Brittney> It's got to be organic.

It's got to feel right.

The other, the other way that you can cope would be talk therapy.

Okay.

So you speak to a school counselor or a therapist, maybe off campus.

If you don't want to speak to someone that has a face, so to speak, there are lots of different hotlines.

9-8-8 is definitely a hotline that you can call just to be able to talk to someone, get something out.

But there are plenty of resources where you don't have to put a face with the name and all that.

You can just have someone to talk to and get emotions off your chest, which can be helpful... truly.

So going back to emotions, how do you think emotions can cloud your judgment when you're trying to make an important decision?

Sophia> I know I get, I'm a pretty mellow gal, I like to think, but sometimes when everything piles up I have a lot.

I have a really rigorous schedule.

I'm like the leadership person for like four different things and it all starts bottling up.

So when, it gets to like crunch time and everything's coming together, sometimes I feel like, even myself included can get clouded.

And sometimes my delivery isn't as smooth and nice as I would like it.

How I get things done, is just like rushing things that I normally put a lot of care and love into.

And I feel like a lot of the time our emotions, maybe it doesn't ruin the whole thing, maybe I'm not having an outburst, but it changes my enjoyment and it sort of indirectly affects others in the space, even though it's just a me problem.

Tanai> I totally agree with you.

Brittney> I think, I think that's a good point, and I'm glad that you're self-aware to be able to see that there's a change.

I want you guys to think about this too, and even when you're in the middle of your day and you might be calm, where do you think your breaking point might come?

If you're going through your day and something just all of a sudden sets you off, or your routine changes, what do you think you can do to kind of slow yourself down, regulate in a healthy way?

Brian Harris> I might take a break.

Brittney> Take a break.

Oh.

Brian> All right, relax your mind.

Brittney> Brain breaks are good.

Are you, are you doing that throughout your day, pretty heavy?

Brian> A little bit.

Brittney> Yeah.

Is there, is there a time of day that's best for you?

Morning?

Afternoon?

Night?

Tanai> Afternoon.

Brittney> Afternoon.

Why?

Tanai> Because.

Well, really, nighttime, Because during the daytime, I'll be busy.

So I get up for school be at school.

Then right after school, I got led therapy Then right after that, I go to work.

So, by the time I get home, I just have to inhale, take it all in, just breathe out, like, that was my day, like all of that happened.

I have to think about how the whole day went, I think about like, if I got mad or anything at some point throughout the day, like how I can change or how I can better cope with my emotions.

The next day, I'll reflect on everything that I did that day to try to make the next one a better one.

Brittney> The fact that you know it's important to decompress is good, because there are some people who bring that frustration and anger home, or it's a learned behavior, like their parents are stressed a lot, and then their parents put pressure on them and they turn out to be stressed and they go to school and they're just constantly in that cycle.

<Yeah> What about any of you guys?

Keziah> Honestly, during like at night time, that's really when I like, get all my thoughts together, because I truly believe that once you like, once you're like, getting ready for bed and you're, like, laying down and you start thinking, you close your eyes, that's when all your thoughts like, come around and start like, you know, piling up.

And during that time, it reached like, it calms me down.

It doesn't really calm me down, but it helps me put like my days in order, not my days but... the things that I did during that day in order.

And it helps me like, you know, let's see.

Okay, I did this, I did this, and like, Brittney> The structure.

Keziah> Yes.

And what I did right and what I did wrong and in the morning time, that's when I like, you know, wake up.

I'm like, okay, so now I thought about last night.

Now today I'm going to try to change what I did to make myself better inside.

Brittney> That's good.

Good talk everybody.

So earlier today, Kelly Simmons III, leadership trainer and student success coach, led our student panelists in an activity designed to test how they navigate difficult situations that require emotional intelligence.

We'll take a look at how they work together, thinking through challenges, communicating under pressure and learning from one another.

♪ Kelly Simmons III.> All right, guys, good afternoon.

It's good to see you all.

I'm Coach Kelly, and, we're going to take some time today and have a little discussion.

We're gonna be talking about triggers.

Right.

Understanding the roots of anger.

It's on the board.

Of course, if you have it, write it down on your pads, we're going to take some notes and all that type of stuff.

But most importantly, we're going to have fun.

But we want to just get some reflection and to get some feedback from you guys as we talk about this particular topic today, Understanding the roots of anger.

Okay?

So the objective before we get started is to help students recognize how trauma, stress, depression can fuel anger and how emotional intelligence EQ helps them to manage their emotions, build better relationships, and make wiser choices.

Okay?

So what we're going to do is going to do an icebreaker, and it's going to be called Name That Feeling.

Alright?

All of us have feelings, right?

Show of hands.

Yes.

Yeah.

All of us have feelings.

Right?

So what we're going to do, We're going to call this team one.

This is going to be team two.

Team three.

And so we just want one person from each team, to come and draw an emoji on the board.

And we're going to guess that feeling.

All right, let's go.

(silence) (silence) All right.

Let's name this emoji right here.

That's somebody who's what?

Group> Angry.

Kelly> Angry.

Okay.

Good.

Let's go.

Next.

(silence) Kelly> All right.

Great job.

Name this emoji.

Somebody who's what?

Group> Sad.

Kelly> They're sad.

Okay.

Let's go.

(silence) (silence) Kelly> Looks good.

Looks good.

Name this emoji.

Somebody who's what?

They just numb.

Right?

So we said we got, someone who's what?

Mad.

Someone who's sad, and then someone who's numb.

So let's, let's talk about, the one who, who seems to be mad, kind of going back to what we're talking about, understanding the roots of anger.

How many of us have ever been mad before?

Show of hands.

Okay.

But when you were mad, was it?

What?

Why were you mad?

Tanai> I feel like different things can cause you to get upset.

It can be over little things.

Like, you can get a bad grade on a test, and be upset.

You can get upset with a friend or family member, because communication, understanding was bad.

Kelly> Excellent.

Somebody else?

Reonna> Stress.

Being too stressed can make you mad, or like just sometimes like being in this state that feel like you can't get out of- Kelly> Right.

Reonna> -can make you mad.

Kelly> Right.

So, so the anger is really a cover emotion.

Right?

If I'm mad, I'm mad, but we don't really know until we dig deep to find out.

Okay, what I'm upset about.

Like you said, it could be a family member.

It could be I made a bad grade on my test.

Maybe something with your friends.

Maybe had a fallout.

Right?

So that, again, is just a cover up of what's really underneath.

So let's, let's, let's go into emotional intelligence.

Okay.

Those were great responses, by the way.

Great job guys.

So when we talk about emotional intelligence or let's say defining it, what, what do you think emotional intelligence is.

Tanai> Emotional intelligence is dealing with feelings and knowledge Kelly> Dealing with feelings and knowledge.

Tanai> Or digging deeper to understand, what you want.

Kelly> Yeah.

Great.

Anybody else?

Yes, sir.

Colin> Understanding the knowledge of feelings, but also putting those in the context of where you are.

It's not just necessarily having knowledge of those feelings, but, you know, like putting them to use.

If someone else gets the energy around you, as a whole is not good, I should know to be like, maybe, let's not do certain things in that space.

Kelly> Let's, let's write this down.

We talk about feelings.

There's three parts.

Okay?

Understanding.

Write that down.

Understanding.

Okay.

Understanding.

Next is managing.

And then connecting.

What was the first one?

Group> Understanding.

Kelly> Understanding.

Then the second one?

Group> Managing.

Kelly> Managing, and then what?

Group> Connecting.

Kelly> Connecting.

Right?

How can we connect with others in a healthy way that even though I'm dealing with anger, how can I still connect?

How can I still show up to class?

How can I still go to work?

How can I still, you know, help in my community even though I may be upset about some things, right?

So, when we talked about this.

I want to ask this question.

What's one thing that instantly pushes your buttons?

Like what?

Like, it doesn't take anything, like you already know it's about to go down.

Right?

Give me...anything?

David Pendergrass> Basically, like if somebody insults my intelligence like... Kelly> Good.

David> And downplay me.

Kelly> So when someone insults your intelligence, that makes you upset.

Okay, good.

Anybody else?

When somebody accuses me of doing something I didn't do.

Kelly> Accusing you of doing something that you didn't do.

Yes.

Reonna> When people try to tell me things about myself.

Kelly> When people try to talk about you, right?

or say things about you.

Yes?

Colin> Every single manifestation of racism.

Kelly> Every single manifestation of racism.

Can racism be a problem?

Group> Yes.

Kelly> Yes, it can be.

Okay.

Tanai> Bullying.

Kelly> Bullying.

Now, let me ask this question.

Is it when you receive bullying or seeing others bully other people?

Tanai> Seeing others bully other people.

Kelly> Other people.

Tanai> Like, I want everybody to respectful and conscious.

Kelly> There we go.

Yeah, yeah.

Joyelle Jacobs> So, someone being disrespectful to you.

Kelly> Someone being disrespectful to you.

Okay.

Like when you go through that McDonald's, you know, not no knock on McDonald's, right, but when you go through that drive through and then you ask for some extra condiments and you get that fire back and you want to give some fire back, right?

Right.

But you need your food first, right?

Yeah.

All right, all right.

So, so when we talk about emotional intelligence, what do we say?

What is it?

Colin> Thinking about your feelings.

that knowledge of feelings, and being able to use that to communicate.

Kelly> Right.

And then what are the three categories that we say when we're dealing with our emotions, what do we, what do we what's the first thing we gotta look at?

How we?

Group> Understand it.

Kelly> How we understand it.

What's number two?

Group> Manage it.

Kelly> Manage it and then what's the third?

Group> Connect.

Kelly> Connect.

Good.

Good job.

All right.

So now let's, let's go to another step.

We're going to talk about self-awareness.

All right.

Write that down.

Self-awareness.

And this is about naming your emotions.

Okay.

(silence) Okay.

So I want to ask you this question.

Like, like, what are you really feeling?

Let's, let's just say this week, what have you felt this week?

I just want you to think about it.

What were you feeling this week?

And then how can you tell that you were feeling that way?

Okay...y'all ready to go.

Hold on.

This is what I want y'all to do.

What I want you to do is I want you to draw or write an emoji based on how you were feeling this week.

(silence) Got it?

Got some still drawing.

Everybody got it?

This is what we're going to do.

We're gonna go down the road here and you're going to hold it up.

Matter of fact, I'm gonna have you all come up here.

We're gonna look at your emoji, if you drew it big enough.

Okay?

So everybody, can just one at a time.

Just come on up and we're going to take a look at it.

Come on.

Come on up.

Reonna> I don't think I drew it big enough.

Kelly> Just tell us then.

Reonna> It's an emoji with a happy face and a sad face.

Kelly> Okay and why?

Reonna> Cause it's around this time is when I get sad because I lost my cousin.

So I've been, a little, I know how to put on a smile, but at the same time, I don't let everybody know what I'm feeling.

Kelly> Okay.

Everybody give her a round of applause.

Thank you for coming.

(applause) Kelly> Okay.

Next.

Y'all doing great.

Keziah> It's a sad face.

Basically,...around it* (indiscernible speech) like confused.

Basically saying that, I felt unsupported.

(indiscernible speech) Kelly> Okay.

All right.

Round of applause for coming up.

Thank you for taking the courage to do that.

Come up.

Colin> Mine is a dark shadow face with a large open mouth.

It's very strange, but basically just present, but not really being present in the moment.

Like, you know, the body is there, but you're not actually focused or you're not actually present in this moment with the person or thing.

Kelly> A round of applause.

(applause) Okay, okay.

For the sake of time, what we're going to do is we're going to we're going to kind of get right into it because we're going to wrap up the session here and I want to get into this segment.

Right?

It's like self-management, whether that's listening to music, going outside, breathing, right?

Or just reading, right?

These are all ways that we can learn how to manage our emotions.

Right?

And so when we think about triggers.

Yes, sir.

Colin> Oh, I will say that that's not always the route at least I choose to go.

Kelly> That you choose.

Okay, okay.

Colin> Because sometimes, you know, regardless of how many tools are at my disposal, I still sometimes I'm just like, I'm just like, you know what, I'ma just be angry.

I'm a just do that instead.

Because sometimes that's, that, that's what we choose instead, as we, as I think we've all seen somebody get in a fight or a altercation or something before and even though we have all of these tools, we still choose to be just like, like that's the thing, you know?

We're going to choose the bad thing to do instead.

Kelly> Thank you for bringing, bringing that up.

Okay.

Because this is going to bring us to what I like to call the three Y's, the three Y's.

Write this down.

Okay.

Alright.

When we're talking about anger or being upset the first question we need to ask is why did that make me mad?

Okay.

Why did that make me mad?

And I heard someone mention before, bullying or seeing other people bullied, right?

That make me upset because again, maybe the individual cannot defend for themselves, right?

Or maybe they don't know how to speak up for themselves.

So number one is what?

Group> Why did it make me- Kelly> Why did it make me mad?

Number two, why did that matter to me?

Why did that matter to me?

Has anybody ever got upset?

Something made you upset and then you walked off, but you were still mad about it an hour later?

The next day?

The next week?

Okay.

Reonna> Okay, so, my school, like they know me personally, but if I get mad, I need to, like, I'm not one of them type of people that can just sit and like just thinking about what would just happen.

<Right> I got to like at least get up, move around or something and talk to somebody.

So that way I can easily get it off my mind and get it off my chest, or just like, just make sure that somebody at least heard what I had to say.

Kelly> What you had to say.

Right.

Love that.

Love that.

Anybody else?

When you're in the moment.

What helps?

David> I have a punching bag.

(indiscernible speech) ...in the heat of the moment when I'm mad also.

Kelly> Let's keep it real.

Punching bag.

>>Yeah.

Kelly> Right?

To relieve what?

Stress.

Right.

Versus punching somebody, I'd punch the punching bag.

Tanai> When I'm in the moment, I, instead of crashing out, I think about the outcome.

I always think about the outcome like before... When I'm upset, I'll be like, okay, bring this from a 10 to a 2. because I can think about what's the outcome if I do something that's not worth it.

Kelly> And so when we talk about dealing with it, right, and what we're going through emotionally, if we're upset, then it's again it's about keeping our peace.

So I just want to give you all some quick takeaways.

Right?

Walking away.

You already mentioned that, right?

Journaling.

Anybody journal?

Raise their hand.

Anybody journal?

Okay.

Good.

Good.

Journaling.

Deep breathing.

Who takes deep breaths?

Yep.

Talking to someone safe.

Talking to someone safe.

Okay, who is someone safe to you, to talk to?

Joyelle> My parents?

Kelly> Parents.

Yes.

Tanai> My best friend.

Kelly> Best friend.

Okay, good.

David> My homeboy.

Kelly> Homeboy.

Right.

Friend.

Anybody else?

Reonna> My favorite administrator.

Or my sister.

Kelly> Oh, there we go.

The administrator or counselor.

Somebody that's there to support you, right?

Anybody else?

Tanai> My sisters.

Kelly> Sisters.

So it can be siblings.

That you can talk to.

How about you?

Brian> Okay.

Maybe, like my parents... or maybe like one of the coaches Kelly> Coaches.

Yeah.

If you play sports, it could be your coach.

Right?

And so we got to think about it.

You spend more time in school usually right, than any other place, and other time, right where you are right now in your life?

And so it's about being able to manage what we're talking about and understanding if we're upset or if we're angry because we're going to be angry one day.

We're going to be mad.

But then how do I manage that?

Okay, so this is what I want to give you all.

All right.

This is the bridge to real life.

When we talk about emotional intelligence, it doesn't make life easy.

Say it one more time.

It's not going to be easier, right?

It makes you, what?

Stronger.

So put it down.

Right?

Put that down.

Emotional intelligence, right?

Doesn't make life easier, but number one, it makes you stronger.

Makes you stronger.

How so?

Now I'm asking you that question.

How so?

Yes, sir.

Colin> I think it makes you stronger, because you know what, how to deal with the with everything around you.

Kelly> Right.

Colin> If you have emotional intelligence, you...not only do you have those things within yourself to know what's going on within you.

But you know about, like just like not knowing that you're inside of someone else's mind necessarily, but you know from, from the body language how those things work with other people so you can be like, hey, let's try this, this, this or this to deal with it.

<Right> Colin> So if someone, I think a lot of us would have benefited from like if we've ever had like, ever had an argument or a crash out, I love that word, where, where every now and then, you know, if there was someone around you just like, hey, baby, this is a better way to deal with it, that would have been helpful.

Kelly> So with the closing line for the day.

Y'all write this down.

Let's be the generation, that learns to understand, not just react.

♪ Brittney> Emotional intelligence isn't just about how we feel, it's also about how we treat others.

Empathy and communication.

Let's get into it.

Empathy.

Why is it important in students your age and adults?

Everybody?

Why is empathy so important?

Orion Williams> So you can be like, you know, better understanding of the person's experience, like, because, you know, not everybody goes through like, you know, like not everybody has it good.

So empathy could be like, you know, kind of understanding and not just pitying the person, but just mainly understanding, like, you know, their background and what they can do as well.

Brittney> Taking a moment to walk in their shoes is really kind of summing it up, sympathizing with somebody too, if you know, somebody is going through something.

I know, like I recently had a friend who lost their parents.

I don't know what that feels like yet, but I can only imagine.

And I knew, this person.

So I was very sad.

But, that is a very difficult moment in anyone's life, to lose someone.

So I did my best to, to be there for her, support her.

And, it was, it was difficult because I didn't exactly know how to be the best comfort, but I was a comfort in the best way that I knew.

So that's sometimes what we have to, to start with and work our way up.

Colin> Because it's a life skill, though, I feel like we treat empathy and other emotional like the emotional like things that we've talked about so far when it comes to communication and self regulation and things like that.

You know, I feel like when we talk about, in particular, empathy, I think it's something that grows and changes as we grow.

I think all of us here have had an experience where we've seen a person or witnessed something that we have, you know, connected to or felt or not even necessarily felt pity, but connected to in a way that wasn't necessarily, you know, you know, in a positive way.

And, you know, when you connect with those things, it's best to, you know, have some tact with it.

Like, like oftentimes when we think about empathy, we think it's just, you know, it's doing the absolute most, like.

Brittney> Sometimes showing up, can be it.

Colin> Yeah.

Sometimes showing up and sitting with someone, especially when it comes to things like death, you know, sometimes just sitting with the person is all they need.

We don't need to do all of this.

Oh, well, we're going to do counseling for all this.

Like, I just wanna sit down.

I'm tired.

It's hot in this room.

This is the most.

Tanai> Like even the little things matter.

Colin> Yes.

The little things matter.

Exactly.

Brittney> Right.

Little things.

Always easy to start with the little things.

Did you have something to say?

Brian> No.

<Brittney> No.

You were saying the little things Tanai> They matter.

Like yesterday, my coworker, well, my manager was telling me about her granddad how he was in the hospital and stuff, and then I lost my granddad a couple months ago, so I kind of relate to him.

So she was telling me about him being in the hospital and stuff and how she don't think he's doing very well.

I was kind of relating to it I was trying to give her the best advice, because I understand the feeling of losing my granddad, and I was just trying to uplift her and be there for her, even though we're at work, she is she still coming to me as an individual, like telling me how she feels.

And I'm just like, okay, what you need to do, what you can do.

You don't have to take all of my advice, but you can listen to it.

You can try and I'm going to be there for you.

I'm going to support you through every step of the way.

Brittney> Well, and you said you were at work.

We have to remember going to work, going to school.

Those are things we have to do.

But it doesn't mean our emotions turn off, It doesn't mean, we can just hide stuff.

We still feel these things that are difficult even when we have to do, our tasks, our daily tasks.

So she just really needed someone to see her and to hear her.

But let me go to the statistic, too.

I want to talk about this because sometimes people don't know how grief can also make them angry, or they can blow up, parents, teachers, kids, you know, all the, all the things.

But in one national poll, 1 in 7 parents said their child gets angrier than their peers and 4 in 10 said their child's anger led to negative consequences.

And then 70 percent of parents admitted that they sometimes set a bad example when it comes to managing their own anger.

And anger translates into a lot of different things and behaviors.

So what are your thoughts on managing anger and being able to to really be more aware of how we manage that, especially something that's difficult?

Keziah> I really think it starts at home from like, like if you're at a home and you're like seeing like how your parents react to anger, like, let's like you do something and your parents are like really mad at you.

And they start yelling at you and doing all those type of things towards you.

And you take that to like, work, school or outside it really, their, their actions carry on to you.

Yeah.

So what you see at home, you will try to imitate that same action.

And that's where the problem starts.

Brittney> And with it being a learned behavior, sometimes you don't even realize that you're doing it until later on in life or when you're a teenager because you've been exposed to this as a kid for so long.

You know, what about you?

Any thoughts on that?

Orion> Well, yeah.

Just to piggyback on what you said.

Yeah, it kind of does start at home.

And a good, I would say like, you know, a good way to manage it is probably, you know, just like, observe that like about yourself even like if somebody calls you out for it, like, take that in and observe it, cause and try to solve that, try to fix it, because at the end of the day, we are like, as they say, we are products of our environment.

So we may not always grow up in the best way of knowing how to deal with anger.

And that is something like a strategy we could carry out throughout life, and just like, you know, trying to understand how we can better, express those emotions, even though we weren't raised in the right setting all the time.

Brittney> So, so I'm going to ask a question.

I'm sure all of us are from different types of households, all different locations.

Who has had an anger outburst that surprised them?

Wow.

So, so I'm curious.

I want to know.

David> Right.

So, I was just chilling with my friend.

We were just playing a video game.

Brittney> Oh!

Oh!

>> Yeah, we were playing 2K.

Colin> It gets heated.

>> It was getting heated and I was losing by like, I was losing by only two points.

And man, he was talking so much mess, I ai'nt going to lie I instantly got up started squaring up.

I was like "Bro, what are you trying to do?"

Brittney> Don't square up.

David> But, Mr.. David> My other friend was just, well, my other friend was there for me to calm me down, you know, because, I ain't going to lie, it was about to get bad.

Brittney> Yeah.

I mean.

It's easy to get heated in moments that you're not expecting.

What about anybody else?

Okay.

Brian> So, like, I was about to play the game, what David said, but I was like, playing a hard game and I'm like, got so mad at the game.

I got mad at the game, so I just threw my controller down so hard, the batteries just came off.

Brittney> Oh my.

Brian> I got so... (group laughs) I got so mad about the game, like I worked so hard, but I like processed about the game stuff.

You know, I, I just like keep your temper down it just like.

<Brittney> Yeah.

>> Keep doing it.

Brittney> Deep breaths, deep breaths.

Colin> And sometimes it's things you inflict upon yourself.

Brittney> Yeah.

Colin> It's, and it is not necessarily the thing itself fault for being hard.

It's just like, I be, just like, man, "I hate doing this."

And then they're just like, "Well, Colin, you kind of did sign up like several times."

(laughter) Brittney> You have to keep yourself accountable.

Colin> I was like, "Man, I hate doing this.

"I don't want to write none of this."

It's just like, "Well, you bought the notebook "and the pen so that you could write the thing.

"So why are you mad that this is happening?

Brittney> Oh, yeah.

And look, that's a whole, Colin> It's a lot.

Brittney> that's a whole nother convo.

SCETV's Safe Space is more than just talk.

Clearly, it's action.

We go out and we talk to the community to share resources, uplift students, encourage open dialog about mental health, and inspire conversations that empower the next generation to lead with confidence.

Here's a look at how SCETV's Safe Space is showing up and making moves in the community.

♪ ♪ Desiree Cheeks> SCETV's Safe Space was invited to Columbia High for Mental Health Awareness Month, and we also got the chance to go to the 2025 All Girls Matter Empowerment Conference here in Columbia as well.

Raven Favor> Being an alumni from Columbia High, class of 99, I was honored and privileged to go back to, my old stomping grounds to talk about mental health from SCETV's Safe Space .

So we had a couple of hundred students come by our table, and we just shared resources.

We shared stories, and we wanted to ask them, well, what is your safe space?

>> A safe space is >> A safe space is like >> Safe space is like a really.

You're on way to get away from reality.

>> Somewhere where you can be yourself, Speak about how you need to speak and things that are going on.

>> A place where I can just relax and take a load off.

A place where I can feel safe.

And a place where I won't be judged.

>> The importance of having a safe space, >> The importance of having a safe space, >> The importance of having a safe space is so then that way you can have your own privacy.

>> where you could be yourself and know that you're true in yourself and true in your own body.

Desiree> Just touching one student, is really the base level, and to be able to have multiple students come up to the table during the lunch hour, take material home, and feel really engaged with the material.

That was more than we could have ever asked for.

The 2025, All Girls Matter Empowerment conference that we had here in Columbia was a great day of peer leaders, mentors, Just a lot of strong, powerful women in Columbia coming together to build and speak confidence and resilience into a group of young girls.

Raven> It was girls from all across the state that came for this second annual conference.

Markeshia Grant> We have over 115 girls present.

They're going through various workshops on mental health, peer relationships, and all of the things that are focused on girls of ages 9 to 18.

Raven> We did an activity with vision boards and breaking down the reason why we have vision boards, and just building them up for the next school year.

And to the rest of, you know, the year remaining.

Markeshia> The overall intention for this event is to make an impact on a girl's life.

Nyra Govan> Talking about mental health, is very essential to girl power because sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in your thoughts.

It's so easy to get up into negative things in life.

Shanika Aiken> Ladies deal with things inwardly and we mull over them in our mind, and sometimes we need a voice to speak those things out about what's going on in our "soul-ish" area Desiree> That entire day was built around having that voice that comes in and interrupts and tells you that you can do it.

You have the skills you need.

If you don't, you can learn the skills you need and there's really nothing stopping you.

There's nothing that's going to be in your way.

Having that message reinforced to those young girls, you can never hear a message like that too many times, especially at such a fruitful age.

Raven> It's very important that safe space is a part of these community events, because it allows us to continue to amplify the voices that we have.

Desiree> Students need to hear the reinforcement that they, their thoughts, the things that they're going through matter, and that there's always help for them and that there is no problem that they need to struggle with alone.

♪ Brittney> Emotional intelligence isn't something we're born with.

It's something we build.

It's learning to understand what you feel, manage how you react, and connect with others in a way that lifts everyone higher.

And remember, there's no perfect science to it.

You may not get it right every time.

We all have moments where we hit the curb or completely crash out, but it may take time to work through the triggers behind those heavy feelings and understand where they come from.

The goal isn't to silence your emotions, it's to listen when they speak and learn to understand what they're saying.

That's where the growth is.

For more conversations and content like this, visit our website at scetv.org / safe space and follow us on Instagram, X, and Facebook at SCETV.

Thank you so much to all of our panelists and to you for watching.

I'm Brittney Brackett and this has been SCETV's Safe Space .

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (music ends)