Funding for COLORES was provided in part by: Frederick Hammersley Fund, New Mexico PBS Great Southwestern Arts & Education Endowment Fund, and the Nellita E. Walker Fund for KNME-TV at the Albuquerque Community Foundation... ...New Mexico Arts, a division of the Department of Cultural Affairs, and by the National Endowment for the Arts... and Viewers Like You.

THIS TIME, ON COLORES!

RECOGNITION, RESPECT, AND A PLACE FOR HEALING - VIETNAM WAR NURSES DOTTY BEATTY AND JANE CARSON DISCUSS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE VIETNAM WOMEN'S MEMORIAL.

ARMY NURSE JANE CARSON SHARES HOW CARING FOR THE WOUNDED DURING THE VIETNAM WAR FOREVER CHANGED HER LIFE.

IT'S ALL AHEAD ON COLORES!

COURAGE, LOSS, AND UNDERSTANDING.

>> Faith Perez: Jane, Dotty, thank you for joining us today.

I appreciate you coming here.

So, it's the 30th anniversary of the Women's Memorial.

What comes to mind?

>> Jane Carson: I see a beautiful fall day in Washington, DC on Veterans Day of 1993, when we unveiled the statue that Glenna had made, this huge beautiful statue of three women, one holding a serviceman.

And so I see the crowds and the women who have been waiting on this forever, and it was just a wonderful sight to unveil it and dedicate it.

>> Faith Perez: And Dotty, what comes to mind for you?

>> Dotty Beatty: Well, for myself and many of the nurses we had kind of had to hide out for years because people weren't real receptive to us having been nurses, and so it was just something you didn't talk about at all.

And that day was so special.

There were marches and really acceptance, and seeing soldiers who were looking for their nurse.

But the thing that I think about now is what's happened in those 30 years, that span of time, and I think the statue still does the same magic that it did on that day.

>> Jane Carson: Yes.

>> Dotty Beatty: Yeah, for me it's a statue about healing and about accepting us as we are, and camaraderie, which was very important in 'Nam, and then coming back to the States and getting separated, a lot of that camaraderie was lost, and so it was very magical to be within that environment again.

>> Faith Perez: And Dotty, tell me about this sculpture that you brought with you, this little one.

>> Dotty Beatty: Well, I was really lucky because when Glenna Goodacre, she was a sculptress who lived in Santa Fe, got the commission, I called and asked if there was any chance I could come and just see it when she was working on it.

And she's the most gracious woman I have ever met in my whole life.

She said "Sure, come on Fridays, those are usually a good day", and so I would go frequently on Fridays and just sit there.

And we didn't talk an awful lot, but she has the ability to just sense the emotions that were in me.

The first time I walked in, I saw the kneeling lady, I turned around and walked out, I couldn't even talk.

And she told her "Well, I don't think she likes it".

But I fell in love with it.

That's called a maquette, I believe, and it's what she presented before the committee, when that was chosen, and she actually let me work on the sandbags just a little bit on the last few days.

And then when I saw her couple of weeks later I asked her how long it took to get the sandbags back in shape and she said "Only an hour or two".

I messed them up.

>> Faith Perez: Is there an inscription on there?

>>Dotty Beatty: Yeah, that has my name on it and then she signed it.

It's really special to me.

>> Faith Perez: So, what does the memorial mean to both of you?

Jane, if you want to start.

>> Jane Carson: Oh, my goodness.

To me, what Dotty said: healing, hope and lifting the cloak of invisibility.

You know, women have been going to war and going with soldiers for time in Memorial, but I guess we've never been recognized.

And this is on the mall, Diane was very specific, she's not going to have anything other than on the mall in Washington, DC because that's what the women deserve.

>> Dotty Beatty: The women who were over there, because there's no Insignia on the uniforms everybody is included in this statue, and just seeing it... And the recogn-, excuse me.

Still can't get over it.

The fact that that this country finally accepted us, it's the recognition of what was done over there and that we were no longer outcasts.

We really were when we came back.

>>Jane Carson: Well, everybody was, you know, the soldiers... People didn't want to hear about Vietnam.

They just closed us off and thought we were all baby killers.

In fact, when we came back as nurses, and I'm sure you too Dotty.

Dotty was Air Force, I was Army.

I was in Chu Lai, about 300 miles Northeast of Saigon.

She was in Cam Ranh Bay, which was down on the southern point.

>> Dotty Beatty: midway.

>> Jane Carson: midway.

>> Dotty Beatty: So, what it really means to me is the healing that has happened for me, from the time that it was commissioned.

And still today, whenever I think about the Statue or I see it the 23-year- old in me comes back, and I feel her pain.

But, because of the statue I also feel the acceptance that the country has given to me, and I feel the respect that I feel now when I say I'm a Vietnam vet, which wasn't there before.

But it's really a joy for me to have people respect what I and my friends gave.

And then it always speaks to me about the camaraderie, there's just nothing like the bond that happens when with your fellow nurses, and the corpsman, and the team that you have working there, and it's something that's can't be really replaced here, but it's essential for survival.

>> Faith Perez: Why is it important to have a memorial devoted to women?

>> Jane Carson: For so long women were pushed in the background.

What we did in 'Nam, we didn't have enough docs, so nurses had to do cutdowns, they had to do tracheostomies, they had to do a lot of things that the doctors were used to doing, and so that transferred back to the United States and nurses were able to do more back here.

And I think, in general, it elevated the profession of nursing quite a lot.

>> Dotty Beatty: And I think it's also important because now so many women are going to war, because they've changed the rules, and they can fill a lot of different roles, and there's an acknowledgement that women do serve.

>> Jane Carson: I think society in general didn't want to think about sending women off to war.

Okay for men, but not the women, so... And that has changed significantly.

But as a group there is none more dedicated to saving the soldier's life.

And the hardest thing to do was to lose a soldier.

Many of us came back, and I know I felt guilty all the time because of that one that I couldn't save, which was totally understandable, you couldn't save them all, but you tried to and I felt very guilty about the ones that I couldn't save.

Not realistic at all, but that's when you start packing things down in this little box you have and you don't open it for years.

>> Faith Perez: How do you describe the women that you were out there with?

>> Dotty Beatty: I think most of us were really young, but we felt old.

Like, I was 23 and I was probably almost to the top of the age group, right in there, but our patients were 18, 17, 20, and they looked up to us, and it was quite a role to have to fill >> Faith Perez: How important are those friendships and what do you remember most about working together?

>>Dotty Beatty: I wouldn't have survived without them.

>> Jane Carson: Yeah, very true.

And the thing you remember the most, you laughed a lot, just to overshadow all the carnage all around you at first I didn't understand that, you and these people laughing, joking, but that's a way of coping to try to get to the next patient or go through the next emergency room flood of patients.

There's no way to describe a group of 10 or 12 men coming off a helicopter with legs gone, arms gone, half the face gone, I mean, no one could prepare you for this, so as far as I'm concerned the nurses, the corpsman, the doctors, did a magnificent job of taking care of the patients, not only their physical wounds, but their psychological wounds too.

>>Dotty Beatty: And then when you got off duty, and you went back to the hooch, it was like there was someone there sometimes if they weren't working to have a cigarette with, to share a coke with, and I think that was the most important thing of all, the unspoken communication that occurred >> Faith Perez: So then, what have you struggled with?

>> Jane Carson: Post- traumatic stress disorder.

We didn't even know what it was before it was upon us.

I remember I was in Korea as a chief nurse and this is when men, they were just recognizing it in the men, and the chief of the corps said "Well, you know, nurses don't have that, they're not in combat".

I don't know where she was in Vietnam, but we weren't pulling triggers, we were giving injections and IVs, that was our rifle.

The incredible... Dotty, you take it.

>> Dotty Beatty: Okay, I think for myself it's been depression.

That's been something that I've really had to deal with.

I had many suicidal thoughts.

And I didn't realize what was causing it for, for a long time.

When I came back I decided that I could no longer have anyone die around me, so I got out of Nursing and I became a dentist, and that took seven years because I had to take a bunch of classes and then I had to go to dental school, and I think that helped me keep that box closed because I was so busy meeting all these requirements that I could keep the lid on the box.

But then just before I graduated from dental school, someone handed me a piece of paper that talked about nurses and PTSD and I started to read it and I started crying and I tucked it away and said "I can't do this".

And then the vet centers started, so when I moved to Santa Fe I went to the vet center and I got in with a group of the guys that they were doing a group with and it was real interesting because I thought they wouldn't want me there because there were so many needs of theirs that I had not met, and so I was I was ashamed about that and they had really been in terrible battles, you know?

And so, I was really surprised when they were accepting of me and that started to open the crack in the box.

And then, I have done counseling at the vet center since then and I have had a private therapist that I see and I still get triggered.

I work really hard at it, there have been many benefits that have come from that year that I served, friendships that are beyond what you can imagine.

And there's Darkness too that comes with it and it's learning how to dance with those for me.

>> Faith Perez: Well, where are you 30 years later?

>> Dotty Beatty: Older and fatter.

>> Jane Carson: Yes.

>> Dotty Beatty: Wouldn't you say, Jane?

>> Jane Carson: Yes, that definitely, but I feel like I have a little bit more control over my life now.

I still get depressed, I'm still on medication, I still go to counseling, but at long last I can sort of forgive myself for not saving that soldier that I couldn't save, you know?

And I feel like I can, well, I know I can help a lot of people and I would say to any nurse, military, if you're ever in a traumatic situation and you come back with all those feelings and thoughts bottled up, the best way you can help yourself is by helping someone else, I've always felt that way, and so now I help the pets with this spay neuter program that we have and it's very beneficial for me.

I am much better than I was even 10 years ago.

>> Faith Perez: That's amazing.

>> Jane Carson: I think.

Dotty might think differently.

>> Jane Carson: She's as ornery as she ever was.

>> Faith Perez: Well, what about you Dotty?

Where are you 30 years later?

>> Dotty Beatty: I think...

I think that there's many ways to deal with the darkness and they're very success successful ways to deal with the darkness and just because it comes doesn't mean it'll stay.

There's also joy and there's great friendships and there's wonderful things to do and eat and life can be really good.

>> Faith Perez: So, what still needs to be done to recognize women veterans?

>>Jane Carson: 50,000 more statues.

No, I'm kidding.

This was the first statue to a woman on our nation's mall.

I didn't realize that till Diane called me and asked me if I would help and she told me this fact and I said "You got to be kidding", there's men all over the place in their horses and raring up, but not one of women.

The closest one was in the Arlington National Cemetery, there's a nurse in the nurse's spot and that's it.

>> Faith Perez: What did you learn and want to share with women veterans from different eras?

Because that's actually kind of the conversation we're having right now.

>> Jane Carson: I would want to share you have to be the dream that you want to have.

you know, what is that?

>> Faith Perez: Be the change you want to see?

>> Jane Carson: Yeah, be the change.

Yeah, be the change you want to see.

And I would say pinpoint that dream for yourself and do it.

>> Faith Perez: What about you Dotty?

What would you want to share?

>> Dotty Beatty: Find people and keep talking.

Because there is a connection there, you're not alone, you're just really not alone and you're not the only one who's had the struggle.

>>Faith Perez: Camaraderie, right?

>>Dotty Beatty: Camaraderie, that's it.

>> Faith Perez: Jane and Dotty, thank you for being here, I really appreciate you coming and sharing this story with us.

>> Dotty Beatty: Thanks.

>> Jane Carson: Thank you.

Jane Carson: New Mexico & the Vietnam War >> Jane Carson: To see a life pass out of these vibrant, young, young men.

It was an honor to be there to be able to hold them and a lot of times, I would be the last person they would see alive and so that's why I wanted to be there for them and let them know that I was there with them and that they weren't dying alone.

And we just kept on trucking, kept on working, there's plenty more people to take care of and they didn't stop coming.

This one night, there was a huge push of mass casualties coming in and I went to the emergency room to help them, and I said, "What do you need" and they said, "Go in the back and get some more supplies" Bandages and what-have-yous.

So, I went back there, and I've never forgotten this young man and the gurney.

He looked like he was sleeping, and I went over to him and he had obviously just died because he was still warm and he had been pushed to the back because they knew they couldn't save him.

I didn't know what to do other than to pick him up and hold him you know, for his mother or his family back home and his whole backside, it was just mush.

To see him lying there so peacefully, those are some of the incredible things that happen that there's no way anything could prepare you for that.

I've been through all the mass causalities courses, but there's nothing that could prepare you for that and why that particular man and that time, I do not know, but his face came back to me and still does periodically.

Somehow, we got a hold of a television.

You would see the protestors and all the people burning flags and their draft cards and blaming the soldiers.

They were totally misinformed.

Instead of blaming the politicians, they blamed all of us who were over there to include the women.

We were all lumped into the one pot as baby killers and not doing right by the Vietnamese.

It was very hard to reconcile that.

I finally just had to turn the television off and concentrate on taking care of the soldiers.

One day on the ward, I was sitting behind the desk making out the schedule and the desks were very high, mainly to prevent shrapnel in case you did get a direct hit.

I saw the screen door open, so I waited, thinking somebody would come up to the desk.

And I waited.

No one came so finally my curiosity got the best of me and I got up and looked around and here's this little weensy baby.

She's about I don't know, no bigger than a grasshopper, but she had a candy bar in one hand and an ice cream bar in another.

The chief nurse had named her Mona and I had just gotten back from burying my mom and this little waif comes in and I think "Kid you need me, and I sure need you."

I adored my mom and when she died so suddenly, I was very, I didn't care if I lived or died when I got back over there so Mona, in a way saved my life.

And I did bring her home with me, but it was not easy, it took a lot of coordination.

At least I was able to save one child's life.

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Funding for COLORES was provided in part by: Frederick Hammersley Fund, New Mexico PBS Great Southwestern Arts & Education Endowment Fund, and the Nellita E. Walker Fund for KNME-TV at the Albuquerque Community Foundation... ...New Mexico Arts, a division of the Department of Cultural Affairs, and by the National Endowment for the Arts... and Viewers Like You.