(lightning strikes) ♪ One day the devil came to him ♪ ♪ For he was a minor demon ♪ Asked him to torture some humans ♪ ♪ With his two friends in tow ♪ ♪ Mittens and El Sapo ♪ ♪ The Baron Mondo Von Doren ♪ On Nightmare Theatre - Yeah, I know, I got that.

Yeah.

I know I messed up, sir.

I know I have to make it right, but couldn't you send me somewhere else, I mean?

Oh come on, there's gotta be something else I can do.

If not, can you at least send me somewhere better than where you sent me?

Hold on, hold on.

Sorry, Mittens, I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about El Sapo.

I'm back.

Is there really nothing else I can do.

No?

Well, is there anywhere else you can put me?

I mean, this place is falling down around me.

It's an absolute dump, much worse than that place I had in Knoxville, only an idiot would be in this sewer.

- Hey boss, this place is literally amazing!

- Will you stop, can't you see I'm on the phone?

- Oh, I'm sorry, boss.

I'm just full of the first-day jitters.

I love moving into a new place.

- Look, look, oh.

Okay, if that's the way it is, that's the way it is.

Yes, sir.

We'll show the movies and hope for the worst, but can you, hello?

Hello?

(phone dings) He hung up on me.

- Try calling him back.

- It's long distance, very long distance and it would cost a fortune.

Besides I know what he's gonna say, we're stuck here.

- Well, what is our new assignment, boss, I'm ready?

- We have to get this broadcast station up and running quickly.

We're to show movies and report back.

- Oh no, not me, you know, I don't like them moving pictures too much, they scare me, boss.

- Tough.

- Maybe I could get a transfer to the phone sales department, I have a great face for phone sales.

Can you guys get by without me here?

- Look, boy-o, we're in this together.

We're going to show movies, movies specifically designed to torture and torment the viewing audience.

Everything we need is right here, we will not fail.

- Where are we going to get the movies?

- Old Scratch says that crate 138, 138 has an unlimited supply of movies.

All you have to do is go pick one out of the crate.

I don't even care which one you pick.

- Crate 138.

- Yes.

He said it was at our old location and you should have had it shipped here when you shipped everything else.

- Hold on, crate 138, you say.

- Yes, once again, 138.

Just go pick one out of the crate, I don't even care which one.

- Let me check the shipping manifest, the shipping thingie here, but.

Uh oh.

- What do you mean uh oh?

- We don't have crate 138.

- What?

Why, what did you do?

- I mean, we didn't have room on the truck for everything.

So I left 138 on the dock.

I had to make room for your life-sized Golden Girls living room playhouse playset.

- So what are we supposed to do now?

We've been sent here to show movies and we don't have any?

- Maybe I can run and find one.

- How are you gonna find a movie?

Are you just gonna roam around until a film magically appears or are you just gonna run up and down the halls hoping something falls out of the sky?

- You never know, I did find that nickel that time.

- There's no way you're going to find a movie.

What are we going to do?

- It won't hurt to look, at least I can run around and try.

- And just what should I do until then?

We have to start broadcasting soon.

What?

What do you mean we've been on the whole time?

(Baron groans) Hello and uh, hello folks, and welcome to Nightmare Theatre.

I'm your host, the Baron Mondo Von Doren and here with me is Mittens the werewolf.

You have us at a disadvantage today.

By the order of the man downstairs, we're supposed to show you movies, but my useless manservant here, El Sapo de Tempesto, seems to have bungled that.

- Who are you talking to, boss?

- The rubes, I mean, the fine people.

This is embarrassing, we've been on the air this whole time.

- You mean now?

Sheesh, I hope the cameras have been capturing my good side.

- You don't really have one.

We're in really deep here, we have nothing to show.

- Oh, yes we do.

I was hoping to surprise you, but check this out.

I found it on the 17th floor underneath a pile of old inner tubes.

Now I'm not sure what it is, but it might be good.

Maybe you could show it while I run around looking for a movie?

- It's better than nothing, I guess.

Folks, while the fool runs off on a fool's errand, let's take a look at whatever this is.

Again, I have no idea what it is.

(ominous music) (control panel explodes) (plane crashes and explodes) (peaceful music) - And it's power enough to seize or destroy the world.

- Take this girl away.

- Come on, lady.

- Captain West, I want to know the connection between this plane crash and Dr. Zorka's death, and unless you tell me-- - All right, arrest her.

(ominous music) - It must work.

As The Phantom, there is nothing that I cannot do.

(ominous music) (man grunts) (car rumbles) (woman screams) (car crashes) (dramatic music) (charge explodes) (peaceful music) (ominous music) - Oh, the control.

We could crush all opposition and make me the most powerful man in the world.

(woman screams) (dramatic music) (woman scream) (gun shoots) (car screeches) (car crashes) (car explodes) (car crashes) (man laughs) (bomb explodes) (bomb explodes) (tower sizzles) - Hey, boss, look.

(towers explode) - Keep her rolling.

(towers sizzle) (tower explodes) - Let's head off before we all get blown to bits.

(towers sizzle) (tower explodes) - Well, that looks terrible, just terrible.

But at least it was just a short trailer.

There's little chance we'll ever see anymore of that Phantom Creeps.

Hopefully, that's the last we'll ever see of the Phantom Creeps.

Speaking of creeps, I wonder where El Sapo is.

- Here I am, boss, here I am.

You know what, good news.

I called the shipping company and they have crate 138.

- Oh, thank goodness, I'll take back 8% of the things I said about you.

I'm so glad that crate is safe.

- Yes, and I asked them to incinerate it as soon as possible.

- What, why would you do that?

- That means it should get here faster than normal shipping, right, maybe even tomorrow?

- Sapo, do you know what incinerate means?

- Sure, it means to ship quickly, right?

It means to get something out right away.

- No, no, no, that's expedite.

Incinerate means to burn, to dispose of completely.

- I don't know about that, boss.

I'm pretty sure it means to send quickly.

- No, it does not.

What have you done, what are you doing to us?

- We'll just see about that, let me check that out.

Huh?

Turns out I was wrong.

But at least I learned a new word today and that's something good, right?

- Call them immediately and tell them to stop what they're doing.

Maybe we can still save our crate and our collective bacon.

- Oh, it's too late for that, boss, the guy told me it was already done.

Where's this bacon you're talking about.

- Sapo, do you realize what you've done?

You've doomed us.

We have to show movies and your incompetence is the reason we don't have any, what are we going to do?

- Can we show plays instead?

I could be the leading man and Mittens here can be my partner in crime.

- Plays?

So I guess you have a crate of plays lying around?

- No, I was thinking that we could write them.

- When, how?

Do you know how to write a play?

- No, I figured you did.

I'm a songwriter, not a playwright.

- Well, maybe that other guy does.

- Other guy, he has a name, it's Mittens.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry, I can understand why you're confused.

Not him, when I was looking around, I went down several levels, I'm not sure how many levels, and I found this guy in one of the basements.

- Really, did you talk to him?

- Oh, no, no, no-sir-ee.

I turned around and looked, took off running like a bull with gas.

But here's something, as I was running up the stairs at one point I slipped, and I went headfirst into one of those fire hose things.

My head went right through the plate glass of the cabinet.

- I hope there's footage of that.

If nothing else, we could show that and the folks could get a laugh.

- I don't know, but stuffed in the cabinet was this film can.

Now I'm not sure what it is, but can we show it?

I have one more place I want to check for a movie.

- At this point, whatever, I don't care.

Just show it.

(upbeat music) (pig oinks) (duck quacks) (chicken clucks) (dog barks) (animals emote) (upbeat music) (tree grunts) - Beware of pins.

(air squeaks) ♪ Now beware, have a care, you're just filled with air ♪ ♪ A single pin would rip your skin ♪ ♪ And the pincushion man in the forest there ♪ ♪ Would pop you both if you don't take care ♪ ♪ Oh such trash, in a flash I will settle his hash ♪ ♪ I'll bust right in and twist his chin ♪ ♪ I'll get rough, I'll get tough, I'll just call his bluff ♪ ♪ Oh no, oh no, please, oh please don't go ♪ - Oh, come on.

- I'm coming.

(upbeat music) (ominous music) (tree calls) (children crash) I'm scared.

- I'm not, much.

(children scream) (balloon pops) (pincushion man laughs) - I'm the old pincushion man, terror of Balloony Land.

Folks all hate me, how they hate me, tickles me the way they rate me.

Always have a pin at hand, that's the reason I am panned, how I stop 'em when I pop 'em (laughs).

(peaceful music) - Oh, that pincushion man's a fake.

I'm not afraid of his pins.

(pincushion man screams) - So you're not afraid of pins?

(dramatic music) (pincushion man laughs) (balloons pop) (pincushion man laughs) (suspenseful music) (pincushion man screams) - Let me in.

(pincushion man bangs) Let me in, I'll get mad in a minute.

Open the gates, I want to come in.

- I'd better not, the folks would blow up if I let you in.

- Nonsense, I'm your friend, I want to gave you something.

- Oh, that's different.

(ominous music) What are you going to give me?

- This.

- Ooh, n-- (balloon pops) (pincushion man laughs) - The pincushion man.

- The pincushion man.

Quick, we must sound the alarm.

(babies coo) (babies cry) (dramatic music) (pincushion man screams) (air whooshes) (pincushion man grunts) (balloon pops) (pins whoosh) (balloons pop) (pins whoosh) - The pincushion man.

- The pincushion man.

- Holy smoke.

(balloon speaks gibberish) (horn blows) (playful music) (pincushion man laughs) (pins whoosh) (balloons pop) - Ready, aim, fire.

(dramatic music) - On tap.

(balls batter) - Fire.

(balls batter) (pincushion man crashes) - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

(pincushion man screams) (triumphant music) - Well, that was great, wasn't it?

Folks, I must apologize again.

If all had gone well, we'd be showing a movie right now, but El Sapo didn't get the crate shipped, and then, and I swear I'm not making this up, he told the shipping company to set the crate on fire.

That's not a joke that happened, all the movies are lost.

I don't know what we're going to do.

- Woohoo, hoo, whoopee, woohoo, hoo, hoo.

- Sounds like he found another nickel.

I found a movie, boss.

- Really, what did you find?

Maybe we can turn this around.

- Let me see, there's a lot of dust on this.

(El Sapo blows) - Oh no.

- What's wrong, boss, what's the matter?

Is it not a good movie?

- It's "Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women."

- I never heard of that planet.

- It's not a real planet.

It's a bad movie, it's full of bad people, written, produced, and directed by bad people.

- You want me just to toss it?

- We can't, we don't have anything else, nothing.

- Do you know much about this movie?

- I know everything about this movie.

I know far, far too much about this film.

- Well maybe it would be nice if we talked about it.

Maybe Mittens and I can take this as an opportunity to learn something.

- Nope, we have to show this movie.

I don't have to discuss it.

(phone rings) - What is that?

You hear that?

- Hello?

Oh yes, sir.

Clause 53B, I see.

Oh, very well, I understand.

No, no, no, that won't be necessary, I understand.

(Baron sighs) Apparently, according to my contract, I'm required to discuss the films we show.

- Woohoo, hoo.

- This is not a woohoo-able situation.

This is one bad movie, perhaps the worst movie ever made.

- Well tell us about it, tell me about it, tell Mittens about it.

- I will eventually, but I want to make one thing abundantly clear.

I am doing this under extreme duress and against my will.

- Oh, I bet it's not going to be that bad.

- Yes, it will be.

- There's got to be at least one good thing about this movie.

- No, not a thing.

I'm not going to beat around the bush, folks.

Don't be afraid.

I'm going to give you the chance I never had.

You can walk away now.

Turn off the set, fold some origami cranes, practice a magic trick, make a baked Alaska.

Do anything you like, but if you choose to stay and watch this movie, all I have is this to say, may you be happy in the life you have chosen.

Mittens, let's spool up "Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women" here on Nightmare Theatre.

- [Narrator] The future of mankind is being decided behind closed doors.

In laboratories all over the world, scientists are working on projects designed to take man beyond the confines of this Earth.

You are looking at the actual models of spacecraft now being developed by agencies of the United States government.

This is an Apollo spacecraft, designed for elliptical orbit of the moon.

Its lunar landing vehicle can transport three men safely to and from the moon's surface.

These are other types of manned and remote control mechanisms, each designed for a specific function, many already in operation as satellites of this earth, some in readiness for the moonshot, others designed for probes in deep space, a few to serve as space stations, and the most complex of all, prototypes of craft capable of putting a man on the surface of another planet.

The wheel was one of man's first inventions and has been with him all of his civilized life, but now it, like so many other of his creations, must be modified to fit his new demands.

These are three types of variable radius wheels designed to transport a vehicle over a rocky surface.

New concepts are being created almost daily.

Some will never get beyond the drawing board, but others or their descendants will become part of man's greatest adventure, the exploration and colonization of space.

All over the world, men and women are working to make that dream a reality.

Every aspect of the journey is being analyzed from the tiniest control devices to the mightiest rocket engines.

But it's not enough to just get there.

Just as the great explorers sailed from Spain, and England, and France to discover the Americas so that the colonizers might come later, so will our exploration spacecraft precede the colonizers of the planets.

Already plans are being made for the colonies, sources of food and power must be found, artificial atmospheres created, everything done to build an Earth away from the Earth.

No man living today can predict exactly what the future holds, but this much we do know.

All through man's march across this Earth, the wildest dreams and fantasies of one age have become the commonplaces of the next.

The motion picture you are about to see can be called today a fantasy of the future, but one day, maybe not too far distant, audiences will be able to look back on it in the same spirit with which we view pictures about the first covered wagons crossing the plains.

(waves crash) (peaceful music) - [Narrator] Venus.

Venus, a planet named after the goddess of love.

This is where I left her, 26 million miles away, because I know she exists, I know she does, I know it.

All the time we were there I heard her, her and that sweet, taunting sound she makes, like the siren that tempted Ulysses.

(waves crash) They think I'm crazy back here on Earth.

Crazy, still intoxicated by the atmosphere back there.

But wait a minute, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let me tell you the whole story, all of it, from the beginning, and see what you think.

You be the judge.

It was two years ago in 1998 that the first manned spaceship left Earth for the planet Venus.

This attempt ended in tragedy, a meteor hit the ship.

(meteor crashes) (dramatic music) Everybody, everything was lost, everything but the will to get there, to explore Venus.

And so it was only six months later that the second attempt was made.

(alarm sounds) The code name for Earth control was Marsha.

- First stage rocket ready.

- Main rocket stage ready.

- Fuel ready.

- Stabilization center ready.

- Power ready.

- Air conditioning ready.

- Radar ready.

- Guidance ready.

- That leaves ready for takeoff.

(alarm sounds) - [Announcer] Attention, point personnel, loading elevators are now being withdrawn.

Countdown continues at 20.

All stations prepare for zero red.

Countdown continues at 10.

(alarm sounds) Zero red minus five.

- [Announcer] Project Red Planet, all units clear, switch over to standby.

(engines blast) (dramatic music) - There were only two men on the new mission, astronaut Howard Sherman and Captain Alfred Kern, but there was another being with them, current invention Robot John.

- Awaken, John.

Awaken.

Hello, John.

Monitor, John.

- I hear you.

(ominous music) - [Narrator] Everything went smoothly the first part of the voyage.

They traveled over halfway, 17 million miles, without mishap.

Radio contact was maintained with Marsha at Earth control and they stopped on schedule at the United States Space Station Texas for refueling.

- [Announcer] Attention, all landing personnel report on flight deck.

Standby to receive flight number eight-seven from Earth.

(ominous music) (ship docks) Earth control, we listened to their progress with more concern than anyone else.

- [Announcer] Refueling a-okay, over and out.

- [Narrator] Because we were the command crew, and if anything went wrong, we were set to follow.

There were three of us, Commander William "Billy" Lockhart, astronaut Hans Walters, and me, Andre Freneau.

I remember how worried we were as we listened to their voices from so many miles away.

- [Kern] Kern calling Marsha, Kern calling Marsha.

Refueling completed.

Ready for blastoff.

(dramatic music) - Begin our relay.

(electronics beep) (engines blast) - [Narrator] They were on the last leg of their journey.

And then they saw it, Venus.

- Cloud formations, 30% ash content.

- And they prepared to land.

- A planet of fire below us.

Is it a new world or will it consume us all?

- At any moment now.

(electronics beep) (engines whoosh) (engines whoosh) - [Narrator] And then suddenly things started going wrong.

- [Kern] Black clouds, light, I don't like the looks of this.

I'm turning control over to Robot John.

- [John] Ahead steep mountain, I am going up.

- [Sherman] Wow, close call.

- [Kern] We're watching on the location finder.

The area is strange.

This is truly a prehistoric planet.

- [Sherman] Landing location is square 73.

- [Kern] We're now dropping our vehicle, landing 300 meters southwest of square 73.

Uh oh, there's water beneath us, we're drifting.

(ship crashes) - Sherman.

Kern.

Answer.

Kern.

Sherman, Kern, are you there?

It's hopeless.

- [Narrator] Well, very soon after that it became clear there was only one thing to do.

Blast off for Venus ourselves.

(dramatic music) (horn blares) Complete the mission, explore the planet, and attempt to rescue Kern and Sherman if they were still alive.

- Keep coming.

More John.

That's it.

(creature roars) (gun shoots) - Cover me, Kern.

- Look out, here comes another one.

I've got him.

He's coming behind you.

(guns shoot) (water splashes) (gun shoots) (creature roars) - Look out.

- Okay, John.

Just a few more connections.

(creature roars) There.

Course 110, secure yourself to that boulder, John.

Proceed, proceed.

(creatures roar) (water splashes) He's better equipped to fight this place than we are.

- I'm wondering if we should be here at all.

- Why don't you catch a bus and go home?

- Don't think I wouldn't if I could find one.

- There he is, he's up.

Pull it tight, he can hold it.

You better go first and I'll come along after you.

- Hello and welcome back.

I told you this was a bad movie.

One thing you can count on, I will never lie to you.

- That's my department.

- If I tell you a movie is bad, you can bet your bottom dollar that it is.

- What is a bottom dollar?

- It's the one at the bottom of the stacks, Sapo.

- Wow.

I have never seen more than $1 at a time.

- Well then every dollar is your bottom dollar then.

And when I tell you something about a movie, you can take it to the bank.

- You want me to stop the movie and take it to the bank?

- No Sapo, you stay here and share the torture.

- I will say this movie is just as bad as you said it was going to be.

- Were you not listening to me?

I told you it was bad when you found it.

Did you think I was making that up?

Have you ever known me to crack a joke?

This is literally, and without fear of contradiction, the worst movie ever made.

- Oh, come on tell me about, about, about, about, about the cast, tell me about the cast.

- I can't do that yet.

- Why not?

- I can't discuss the people in this film until I do something I vowed I'd never do again.

- Wear leather pants, eat at Arby's, dance in public?

- No, I vowed I'd never discuss the history of this film again.

- Why not?

- Because the mere mention of this film has been enough to make grown men contract the vapors, to make the strong weak, the brave cowardly, the punctual late, it's a force of evil.

- Oh, come on, Mittens will protect us, tell us about this movie.

- Okay, you asked for it, tough guy.

If you come down with the vapors, it's on you.

- I am braced and ready to go.

- First, this film is only a film in the strictest sense of the word.

- What, what does that mean?

- Let me try to explain.

- I'm all ears.

- And mouth apparently.

Close that mouth and listen, because I'm only gonna say this once.

- I'm listening, I'm ready.

Hit me, hit me with the jive, tell me something-- - Shut your trap and listen.

- Sorry.

- Okay.

This movie, - Yeah, yeah, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us.

- Stop yapping, man.

- Okay.

- This movie came out in 1968.

Nope, just shut up and listen.

Don't say 1968 was the year you opened for Elvis during his comeback tour.

Don't say that was the year you won the Pillsbury Bake-Off Okay, Sapo, this is confusing, so, Mittens, you pay attention and try to explain it to this doofus later.

Okay, here goes.

Once there was a film called "Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet."

Now that film was a re-edited version of a Soviet film called "Planeta Bur."

Stop, let me finish.

First, there was a Soviet film, then someone took that film, added a few more scenes and retitled it, then the director took that film, and took that version, added some good looking women into it and renamed it again.

- I'm not following that at all.

- I told you it was confusing.

- Who is responsible for all of this?

- You are, you had our movies burned.

Now I admit the movies in that crate were bad, designed to hurt, but they weren't near so painful as what you've brought us tonight.

- No, no, I mean who is responsible for the version we are watching tonight?

- Oh that, so many people.

But ultimately the blame lies with a man named Roger Corman.

In yet another cheap attempt at making money for nothing, he asked director Derek Thomas, AKA Peter Bogdanovich, to add scenes and more importantly hot babes to make this Russian film palatable to American drive-in audiences.

If Corman had one big plus, it was recognizing talent.

Bogdanovich, despite his association with this film, went on to become one of the acclaimed directors of films like "Star 80" and "Local Hero."

- "Local Hero," that should have been about me.

- In your case, it would have been Local Zero, and that's what this film is, a real zero.

- Anyway, let's get back to "Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women," here on Nightmare Theatre.

- [Narrator] Within two hours, we were ready to go.

(engines blast) (dramatic music) - [Narrator] Venus lay ahead, but our thoughts were Kern and Sherman.

If they were alive, would we be able to find them?

(engines blast) We got to Space Station Texas ahead of schedule.

- [Announcer] Repeat, standby to receive unassisted landing.

(ship docks) (dramatic music) - Refueling was accomplished in record time, there was no time to lose.

(engines blast) It's funny, considering the way things turned out, what I was thinking about as we sped through the dark universe on our way to an unexplored planet.

(engine blasts) I was wondering if maybe there wasn't some reason that Venus had been named after the goddess of love, if maybe there wasn't some wise old astronomer way back in the dawn of time who knew something, something he kept to himself.

But before I could come to any conclusions about it, we were preparing for our touchdown on Venus, where maybe I'd find all the answers.

And then almost before I knew it, we were there.

We were landing.

(engines blast) (engines blast) - We're landed.

Well.

(alarm blares) - Don't begin celebrating yet.

(Hans laughs) - Ooh, ah.

- Is our level okay?

- Yep, there it is, on the button.

- Boy, it sure feels strange to have weight.

- Yes, it does seem strange, that's sure.

But it's nice and solid.

- Well, I don't know about you fellas, but I'd like to see Venus.

- Open number three and hit the beam.

Vapor, try the port viewer.

- Telescreen gets it okay.

We'll pan port.

Formations of weird rock.

Something's there, I'll switch on the outside sound pickup.

(pickup whirs) (idyllic song) - [Narrator] That was the first time I heard her.

- A human being?

- Hold it.

It's finished.

Transfer it to playback.

Meanwhile, you might check upon the atmosphere, Hans.

- It better be good.

- And you better get your space suit, we'll move out.

Andre, I want you to attempt a contact with Sherman by radio.

If you raise them, tell them to report their position, then get yourself into a spacesuit, we're gonna walk about.

- I'll be right behind you.

- That'll be handy if I slip.

Get popping now.

- It's 4.7 on oxygen.

- That's pretty close.

(dramatic music) - I'm going to take a look around.

- Keep on the rope, don't get out of visual contact.

(water splashes) - [Narrator] It was a weird desolate place, but it fascinated me and I forgot all about Kern and Sherman and what we were there for.

- Received a message.

- What did they say?

- Marsha has radar movement.

- Sherman?

- She can't be sure, but it looks like two objects, one metallic and moving in the area we expected to search, probably Kern and Sherman.

- Come on, Andre.

(dramatic music) (creature growls) (Andre grunts) - He'll contact us.

- [Andre] Help!

- Andre!

Come on.

- He's caught onto me.

What is it, what the?

Get it off me.

- Grab that tentacle there.

- My leg, careful.

- Quick, before he decides to devour me.

(men grunt) - He's got his leg, free his leg.

Hurry.

- Come on, stand up.

- Pull him up.

Pull him free.

Hurry.

Hans, help us!

- I can walk, unless it's broken.

Let me get a shot of that man-eater.

- [Billy] Careful, Andre, we don't want to fight that thing again.

- Can you imagine that, he's bashful.

Why don't we take one of those things home for the zoo?

- You've got to be more careful.

Andre.

If we hadn't heard you call me, - I didn't call.

- You called out to us, we heard you.

- But I didn't call you.

- It sounded like Lockhart.

- Let's be getting back.

- [Narrator] All we knew was that Marsha at Earth control had spotted what was probably Kern and Sherman and approximately where they might be.

So we started out in our space car heading in that general direction, not stopping to investigate the many prehistoric sites we passed.

But we were still unable, no matter how hard we tried, to make radio contact with Kern or Sherman.

So we had no way of knowing what they were going through on that distant part of the planet.

(lightning strikes) (dramatic music) - Let's rest, we have very little oxygen left us.

- Hope they're on their way, looking for us.

- Through this heat, they may not be able to make it through to us.

- You better hope they'll get through it and spot us.

I'm beginning to feel like my head's swimming.

- Of course, it's your torn suit.

Infection is getting through.

- Maybe we ought to take some quinzel and-- - No, we'd have to rest after.

Must keep moving.

(thunder rumbles) (rain splatters) - Top much water, my mechanism is in danger, need protection.

- All right, John, find shelter.

(rain splatters) - Don't stop.

- Go on.

- We have to go on, come on up.

(rain splatters) We can't stay here, we'll be washed away.

John.

- Bring him this way, there is no water.

- Come on, just a little bit further, there's a cave right over there.

Come on, that's it.

Just a few steps further.

There.

I don't think I can go on much further.

John, stay with us, make sure they find us.

They should know, must, must continue to work the laws of mathematics.

There's always a precise profitability mathematics might prove, mathematics might (grunts).

- Marsha, Marsha, hear us.

Hear us, Marsha.

You must help us, it's closing in.

- I await your order.

I await your order.

(water runs) - Help them find us, John.

- Hello and welcome back.

So Sapo, tell me, are you happy with this movie?

- Not at all, boss, not at all.

But I am sure there must be something good about this thing.

- Really?

Well, if you took a hot dog, cooked it, let it sit on the counter for six weeks, and then you cooked it again, would you eat it?

- Sure, I just had one like that this morning.

It was on the counter in the break room on the 11th level.

- You're missing my point completely, of course.

- I'm saying there's nothing good in this thrice-cooked pot of foulness.

- There must be something.

- Nope, well, - Ah ha, I'm picking up something here.

- The one and only one good thing about this movie is, - The music.

- No, no, it's Mamie van Doren.

- Wow, is she, is she-- - I said Van Doren and not Von Doren, she has no relation to me.

- Oh yeah, you did.

One letter makes a great big difference in things, doesn't it?

- And yes it does.

Again, her name is Mamie Van Doren.

- Tell me about her, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Which one is she in this movie?

- She plays Moana.

- Which one is she, is she one of the astronauts?

- Are you even watching this movie?

- Not really.

- Pay attention, Mamie Van Doren is an icon.

No, she's more than an icon, she's a national treasure.

- Was she in any other movies other than this one?

- Of course, she was in many movies in the '50s and '60s.

Universal signed her to be the next Marilyn Monroe, a true B-movie sex symbol.

- Kinda like I am for the ladies down at the assisted living facility, huh?

- That was an image I didn't need my head.

- Gertrude sends her regards by the way, so does Mavis.

- Oof, yep, that picture is definitely lodged in my frontal cortex now.

Hopefully watching this bore of a movie will make me drowsy and counteract what will certainly be a sleepless night thinking about that.

So let's get back to "Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women" here on Nightmare Theatre.

(wind blows) (dramatic music) - The shoreline's the best.

- If we do, my friend, we'll never make it to 'em.

- Fat chance there is of finding them.

(dramatic music) (wind blows) (idyllic song) - That voice again.

- Hold up.

(idyllic song) (waves crash) - Almost sounds like a girl.

- A girl, perhaps, or a monster.

(waves crash) (dramatic music) (idyllic song) - Wake up, wake up, Meriama.

Our sisters are calling, wake up, Starla.

Our sisters are awake.

They're hungry.

You have slept enough.

It is time to go into sea.

(idyllic song) (waves crash) Let it come well, little sisters.

(waves crash) - It's a human.

- Well, there are sure no humans here.

- Well, we're humans.

- Well, no one else has made it, you better believe it.

- But it sounds so human.

- Sub-human you mean, like that 40-armed plant that just grabbed you.

- I still say it's a girl.

- A girl, with blue scales.

- Could be.

He's onto something.

It's possible that before us, other men got here, especially in this age.

You ought to know that, Hans.

To a man of science, anything is possible until proven otherwise (waves crash) (waves crash) (dramatic music) - Well, I can't imagine any people in their right mind exploring planet Venus.

- Come on, Hans.

We're here and we're in our right minds, aren't we?

- Let's go.

(water ripples) (water ripples) (creature roars) - 'Tis our beloved god, Terra.

He's angry.

(creature roars) We must leaves this place, come, follow me.

- Lord save him.

- What?

- There's no response from Kern or Sherman.

- Well, we should soon be there.

- Keep trying, maybe we can bring them in on the helmet mic.

Kern has them auxiliary.

- I am.

(radio crackles) - I'm getting a woman, it must be Marsha.

The static's really awful, hear it?

(radio crackles) - Move it up, point to point on the dial, we'll find him.

- I'll try it.

- Hello.

John, hello.

John, listen, this is the command ship.

Are you there?

No response, come in.

- Up one more point.

- Come in.

- Better go to solar battery, much bigger reach.

- I'm on it now.

Hello, hello, hello, you must hear me, John.

Please open your mic and answer me.

You must obey me, John.

- [Billy] No response, try another point.

- One, two, five.

You have to readjust your frequency for transmitting if you hear me.

- [John] I hear you.

I have adjusted.

- Can you report your position and plot number, over?

- [John] Square 40 in shelter.

- Tell me what's outside.

- [John] Water all about falling on large rocks.

- That's square 40.

- Not far, ask him about the men.

- Hello, we would like to know about Kern and also about Sherman.

- [John] They do not speak, they do not move.

(water ripples) - How much time before we get there.

- Who knows?

- Commander, maybe the robot can help.

- Right, keep an eye on the compass.

Grab onto that.

Hello, you will listen, John.

First, you will obey me and do precisely what I say.

You will listen.

Listen, John, obey my every command, remove container two, from Kern's first aid kit.

Repeat, container two.

Remove one tablet, one tablet, then open his helmet.

- I have one tablet.

- [Billy] Place the tablet in his mouth.

You must do this quickly.

Revive him with water.

Pour it over his face quickly, then close his helmet.

- At least we know they're alive.

- Let's hope they stay that way.

- Commander, look there.

(creature roars) - I'm ready with the astro gun.

- Some kind of flying reptile.

- He may not see us.

(wings flap) (creature roars) - He hit us, he's turning around.

- Maybe not.

- We're in for it now, he knows we're here.

- Take it down.

- Here he comes.

(creature roars) - [Billy] Don't miss him.

- [Andre] Here he comes again.

(dramatic music) (gun shoots) (gun shoots) - Open hull, we'll submerge.

- [Narrator] We were forced to submerge, even though we had killed the flying reptile, because of the damage the creature had caused when it hit us.

And it was a good thing, too, for here under the sea, we were to find the second clue to life on Venus.

(dramatic music) - Let's put it down for a minute, take a rest.

- It's not far to the beach if our calculations are correct.

I hope this will run again.

- Don't worry, it will.

(dramatic music) Look, the cliffs are all in even rows, like streets.

I'll look around, just five minutes, might find something interesting.

(waves crash) - Nyla, Nyla, come here.

Hurry.

(wind blows) - It's our god, Terra, he's dead.

- What makes Nyla and Meriama so sad?

Come sisters, let us see.

(idyllic song) Oh, Terra.

What evil demon has destroyed our god?

We must carry him to the holy place and pray to his spirit.

Lift him.

(idyllic song) - Hi, I'm Patricia Quinn.

- I'm Barry Bostwick.

- And I'm Nell Campbell.

- [Group] And you're watching Nightmare Theatre.

(Barry laughs) (Nell chokes) (upbeat rockabilly music) - So Lamont buys two coffins.

I don't know if they're used or what, but he tries to bring them in the house.

- Into Fred's house?

- Yeah, but Fred's not having any of it.

- Not gonna have that at all.

- It's one of my favorite plots of that whole, - Yeah, that was great.

(Curator whooshes) - What the, what?

Hey, I don't mean to interrupt you, but we do have a segment we have to do here for Nightmare Theatre.

You know, this is the Curator.

He runs the Meryl movie museum down here in the sub sub sub sub basement here at the station.

Every week we're going to take a look at a different prop from one of your favorite movies or TV shows, and maybe talk a little bit about where it came from and how it was used.

So take it away, Curator, what do we got here?

- Well today, we have the AUH1 model rocket.

This is from the movie "October Sky," directed by Joe Johnston.

We actually obtained this rocket, this was the only one made for the film, we obtained it directly from the director, Joe Johnston.

He sold a number of his personable memorabilia items off a few years ago and we were lucky enough to obtain this and a few others.

- So this was actually used in the film and the actors in the film interacted with it.

- Yeah, so this was a film about the early days of rocket science, it starred Jake Gyllenhaal and Chris Cooper and they did, in fact, touch this item.

- So Jake Gyllenhaal actually touched this item.

- That's right.

- And now I've touched it.

So it's like I've touched him sorta.

- Well we're not getting another restraining order against you, so let's not go there.

So now when you have something like this that comes from a movie set, that's been used in a movie and you're going to keep it in a collection, how do you store it, how do you protect it, how does that work?

- Well, it depends on the item.

This particular item is pretty sturdy, it's made of metal, you can kind of see the fins are welded on there, just a little wooden tip to it.

So you don't have some of the concerns you might have with something that's more delicate where you'd be worried about heat or UV rays.

You wouldn't want to put it directly in sunlight because you don't want to bleach this paint job on here, that's kind of important to the item.

You don't have the concerns where you would have, about some other items, where dust might be a problem.

This one's pretty displayable just kind of on its own.

- And who would have made something like this?

- Well, on any film, there's a prop department that's responsible for building anything they need for the film, whether it be something realistic like this or something that's completely fanciful in like a science fiction or a horror movie.

They have to be very imaginative, come up with things that they can do out of either found materials or just built from scratch to create what's needed for the film.

- So while I'm sure that a lot of the props in the movies that we show here on Nightmare Theatre aren't particularly as good as this, let's get back to the movie and see what we can see.

- Commander.

(peaceful music) (water bubbles) - Well, what do you know?

- It's a statue.

- Andre.

- What's up?

- You just look here.

- That's only a petrified tree.

- Only, why it's a bronze statue.

- And much more, Hans.

Rubies.

- Did you say rubies?

Show me.

- Simple.

The eye of an idol.

- An idol?

- Yes, a reptile, a reptile resembling that flying monster that attacked us earlier up there.

- You're right, Andre, I'm not laughing anymore.

There was a civilization here.

- And I'll bet you they're still is.

(idyllic song) - Oh, great Terra.

We cry for the flesh of your spirit that lies dead before you.

(idyllic song) (waves crash) - I swear to you, oh Terra, you will be avenged.

The evil humans that did this will themselves be destroyed.

(idyllic song) (waves crash) - [Narrator] Something seemed to draw me away, to make me search for, I didn't know what.

I felt something, I don't know, I felt as though I were being watched.

But I didn't see anything except a harmless octopus.

Yet still feeling a strange presence, I went on.

But then as quickly as it came, that weird sensation vanished and then there was nothing, nothing but the sea.

So I followed my original impulse, looking for a clue, like the statue of the flying reptile.

And I found nothing except a rock that I liked for its shape and that could serve as a specimen for the geologists.

(idyllic song) (waves crash) - Terra has spoken, we must return his flesh to the sea.

Meriama, Mayaway, Wearie, carry him away.

(wave crashes) Farewell, Terra, sleep well in the sea.

Who is this, what sisters are these?

- Moana.

- Moana.

- Akit, Clorey, what is it?

- Invaders.

- We've seen strange invaders walking under the sea.

- Demons, did you hear, sisters, demons.

- They had big heads.

- And walked in our ancient holy place.

- Under the sea.

- It was they who killed Terra, they must die.

(waves crash) - We're here, I couldn't have lasted much longer.

- You're not alone.

(waves crash) Here we are, skipper.

- Good, we'll need more fire.

Everything in the car is soaking wet.

- Feels good to sit.

- [Billy] How are the batteries, Hans?

- They stayed dry.

- [Billy] And the atom plant?

- Still hot.

- You've got that worried look again, Hans.

(waves crash) - You're right, I've pulled and checked every wire and part in that darn radio, it won't operate.

(fire crackles) I've tried everything I know.

I tell you, it's simply helpless.

- How about a long string and an oatmeal box (laughs)?

- Oatmeal box.

- The radio will dry out.

We know it's not a dead planet, not completely.

Our proof is the statue and ruby.

- And the woman.

- She's probably somewhere, for his sake.

But the main thing is there could be a whole race of people out there watching us, hiding, afraid that we'll observe them.

- And fight 'em?

- We came from above, dropped, to them we're probably some kind of monster.

- What if they're human shaped?

- They very well could look like us, but mind you, I'm only advancing a little hypothetical science-fiction because nothing should be overlooked.

Let's face it, they built this city that's now under the sea.

Hans, it must be true.

Many made it to shore from the sea.

- Then why didn't they build themselves another?

- We may find they did when we explore the planet.

- Before we leave, I'll meet her, a beautiful song and a beautiful girl.

(idyllic song) - She must have heard you.

- Where is it?

- Everywhere.

- Suppose it could be an omen?

Or maybe she's helping us.

(peaceful music) If I could just see what she looks like.

- Can the car make it?

- I'm sure.

(waves crash) - [Narrator] This feeling of foreboding had come over me, a chilly, ominous sensation, I didn't know what it meant.

And I kept staring at that rock I'd found, as though perhaps it might hold an answer.

(dramatic music) - [Hans] Andre, Andre!

(waves crash) - Thanks for waiting.

- She'd take care of you.

- Stop teasing him, Hans, he's in love (laughs).

(waves crash) - Boss, I was thinking about the title of this movie.

- Why?

- It's called "Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women," right?

- You found it, you oughta know.

- So is the movie about the planet or is it about the voyage to the planet?

- What difference does it make?

No matter what, it's terrible.

- Well, I know, I know, I was just saying, you know, voyages are important, people like to travel, people would probably pay us, getting there is half the fun and all that, and there's money to be-- - Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

We are not opening any sort of harebrained travel agency based on the movie.

We aren't going to create and market oxygen kits to people that they can use when they go to outer space.

We aren't going to open the Venus Club, where folks dress like astronauts and dance with robots.

We're not doing any of that.

- No, but boss, boss, boss, there's a dollar out there with my name on it.

- There's lots of those.

That's why you got arrested in Jacksonville.

Remember when you made your own money and called it Sapo Bucks?

- Yeah, I remember that, yeah, yeah.

- But nothing, here's the deal.

I'm putting my foot down.

From this day forward, no more wacky ideas, no more crazy inventions, no more silly products based on what you see in the movie.

- But boss, boss, just hear me out.

A NASA guy told me the planet of prehistoric women is, like, 1,500 miles from earth or something and it will take like six days to get there.

- You know a guy at NASA?

- Yeah, he works in the cafeteria but he works at NASA.

- Of course, of course.

- And he told me it is a long way to that planet and folks are going to need something to eat.

And that is why we came up with, - Oh no, put that down.

- Folks, on a trip to the moon or any of the other planets in our solar system, - The moon is not a planet.

- Says you, my friend at NASA says different.

On that trip, you're going to need something to eat.

- Ah, that's where the cafeteria friend comes in.

Let me guess, you guys stole food from the NASA cafeteria and repackaged it.

- Oh, we didn't steal it, they were throwing it away.

- Oh, may I see that bag?

- Absolutely.

But boss, boss, boss, boss.

- No more crazy ideas based on movies.

- So the clamshell brassieres are out?

- Yes, all I want you to focus on from now on is finding a suitable movie and, well, that and your other 18,000 duties.

- No, you have my word on it, boss, no more crazy ideas.

- Fine, let us now return to the Voyage-- - All I'm saying is that lots of men would pay to go to that planet.

Mittens could wear the clamshells.

We will make a ton of money, we'll make a mint.

- That is enough, just start the film.

It's almost over, I hope.

(waves crash) (idyllic song) - Oh god of the fire mountain, let your boiling, red-hot earth rain down upon the invading demons who dared bring death to Terra.

(dramatic music) (waves crash) Hear us, oh god of the fire mountain, pour forth thy red-hot earth, prominent in fire.

- Drown fire.

- Drown fire.

- Fire.

- Drown them.

- Drown them.

- Drown them.

- Fire.

- Drown.

(women's voices call) (volcano explodes) (peaceful music) - Strange, it's gotten suddenly dark.

- Well, it's no wonder.

- What makes you say that?

- There's an ash cloud above us.

- An ash cloud?

(dramatic music) - A volcano.

- Yes.

It's spectacular.

And beyond the volcano, it looks like the lights of a city.

- [Kern] The red spot Andre saw.

We must get a move on.

- Not right away.

This might be our only chance to gather some samples, lava and ash to take away with us.

- All right, we'll go to a much better vantage point and right now.

Sherman, come.

- But look at the magnificence.

No one on Earth has seen such a sight.

(fire rages) - [Kern] Hurry, we must go to higher ground.

- I am hurrying.

Are you getting the spectra sample?

- Getting it now.

That's enough.

The lava is rising.

(women chant "fire") - Oh, the fire.

Now, fire.

Terra is avenged.

(women chant "fire") (ominous music) - We've waited too long, it's covered our path.

- Perhaps we could run a rope.

- How?

- We did it before from John.

- There's no more time.

- John.

- Yes, I hear you.

- Carry us across the lava.

Climb on, quick.

(lava flows) (ominous music) (gasses vent) - Audibility getting better.

- Why is he talking?

- They sent it.

- Giving radio distance according to your request.

Am determining distance, two miles.

- It's Lockhart.

- I hope so, my friend.

- I'm sure.

They'll be by here any minute yelling taxi.

A remarkable invention you have here.

- Hmm, nice to hear you admit it, Alan.

(dramatic music) - Temperature lower extremities, 500 degrees.

My self-preservation mechanism says I must eliminate extra weight.

- What now?

- Disconnect the mechanism.

- Where?

- Open the door.

- Here?

- Mmm, first panel Hurry or we're dead for sure.

- I don't know which.

- Let me.

- I am forced to free some of this weight.

(suspenseful music) (Kern groans) - He's gonna throw us off.

- Pull the wires.

- In the lava.

- Speed, Hans.

- Smash the panel.

- [Sherman] I have, I've done everything.

- Kern.

(suspenseful music) (lava bubbles) (ship runs) - Ker- (electronics sizzle) - I'm free.

- We must hold on, they'll be here.

(suspenseful music) - Wish me luck.

- For God's sake, hurry.

(dramatic music) (lava bubbles) (peaceful music) - He's here.

- Thank God.

(dramatic music) (lava bubbles) - Sherman, Kern.

- Commander.

- Andre.

- Here, let me help you out, my friend.

- I never thought I'd see your ugly face again.

- We save him and he insults us (laughs).

We should have saved Kern's robot instead (laughs).

- Kern, you rascal.

- Knew you'd make it.

- Is the robot finished?

- Yes.

(ominous music) - Hello and welcome back to Nightmare Theatre.

If I can be serious for a moment, we'd like to take a moment to talk to you about PBS.

- Yes, PBS afflicts many people, myself included and while doctors are searching for a cure right now, more money is needed.

- No stupid, PBS, the Public Broadcasting System.

What is wrong with you?

What do you mean PBS afflicts you and many other people?

What do you think PBS stands for?

- Nevermind, boss, I'd rather not get into that.

Can we just move this along?

- PBS has brought you some great shows over the years.

Entire generations grew up watching Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, The Electric Company, and even 3-2-1 Contact.

- I myself was up for a role on Sesame Street, but I lost out to Grover at the last minute.

- That did not happen.

The list of great PBS shows is endless, well there's Julia Child.

- Oh, we're gonna make a lovely tuna sandwich today with parsnips, which this man loves, and julienne carrots, bon appetit.

- The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross.

- Oh, this is your world, and you can paint and create whatever you like, like a tree, or a tree, or maybe even a tree.

- The McLaughlin Group.

- What say you, Mittens?

Wrong.

- You know, those impressions are horrible, just horrible, but what isn't horrible is the fine programming offered by PBS.

And that programming exists thanks to viewers like you and you, and even you, and even that guy eating the chicken pot pie and drinking the soda right out of the two liter bottle, uh.

Support your local PBS station and you can feel as morally superior as those upper crusts on Downton Abbey.

- You know, I always thought that was Downtown Abbey.

- Well, it's not.

- Come on you cheapskates, hand over the money, Mittens has to eat.

- Yes, please support your local PBS affiliate.

We now return to Nightmare Theatre.

- Hey, you want me to go put on the Slim Goodbody outfit?

- No.

(dramatic music) - It was just a metal monster.

And yet when his destruction was imminent, he called my name.

- Looks placid and calm.

But frightening.

- Yes, I suppose it does if you use imagination.

- We'll soon be home.

- That's right, but we leave a friend behind.

- Come, join the rest of us.

- [Narrator] So we took stock of the situation, and though we tried to keep our spirits up, it was still pretty discouraging.

The volcano had destroyed some of our provisions and our rocket ship's fuel supply was low anyway, considering the added weight of Kern and Sherman.

It looked like we'd have to be starting back very soon.

- What else is there to do?

- Well, we can look for Andre's girl.

(dramatic music) - Very cute, Hans.

Did you name them after us, hmm?

- Well, with triplets, it's better with numbers.

- Looks to me like he's raising his own countdown.

- Why not names?

- I'd forget.

- I'm worried about him.

- So you really found proof there were people on this planet.

Hard to believe.

(dramatic music) - Believe it or not, my dear Mr. Kern, it's true and they could still be here.

- I don't go along with that.

Could a human survive in a place like this?

- You survived.

And man will almost always adapt himself in time.

And don't forget, in the dim past we all lived in water.

For centuries, our Earth was toxic, but that atmosphere evolved mankind's form, adjusting to it, and I bet that these people on our planet couldn't live.

The air would be poison.

- Afraid I don't share your opinion.

- You just can't close your mind to it.

We found proof, proof of intelligent being.

- And those lizard men of Kern's.

- That's proof?

Look, suppose they do look like lizards, couldn't they be people, hmm?

Suppose they saw the ship, got frightened, then donned their lizard costumes, then jumped up and down to spook us away (laughs).

What possible story could explain it better, huh?

- None, you're the winner.

- Joking aside, my friend, man, lizard, or what, I know there were, or are intelligent people here.

If we just had the time, I think they might come to us.

Look, even you, Kern, said you thought you saw the lights of a city beyond the volcano.

- [Kern] I said, they looked like, not were.

- [Hans] Here, you two, have some coffee and rest your voices.

- [Narrator] If only there was some way to communicate with them, some way to make them understand we were not an enemy, that we wanted nothing except to know their ways, study their civilization.

Or was it really all just fancy, just my wishful imagination, and that sound only an accident caused by the wind and the canyons?

(ominous music) (Andre groans) (crew laughs) - Hey, hey, hey, watch it.

- Now that's for your countdown jag about my children.

(waves crash) - Wake up, sisters.

It is a new day and our land is safe again.

(ominous music) But what is that?

Something strange is there.

Come and see.

(waves crash) (ominous music) It is one of the demons.

It is sent to us by the god of the fire mountain.

He shows us his power.

(dramatic music) (idyllic song) - Better get out and locate her, Andre, she wants you to stay on Venus.

- Just you wait.

- I think perhaps we should be trying to find her and take her with us.

- I'd vote for that.

But she might not like us much anyway.

- If we could explore beyond those hills, I'll bet you money we'd find her and the city.

- You've been reading too many comics.

- Kern wouldn't believe she existed if she were sitting on his lap right now.

- Want a bet?

- We're here.

- Sisters, all of the invaders have not been destroyed.

They are stronger than the god of the fire mountain, but now Terra will speak.

- I think we did a job we can be proud of.

Look at all the samples we got.

There's going to be a large headline when they see all these great things we're bringing back to 'em.

- This one's loaded, old man.

- Steady, child.

Bring the spectra.

(dramatic music) (waves crash) - Oh Terra, most powerful of all the gods, show us your wrath.

Bring forth the waters and the fiery heavens.

Let not one invader remain to walk your land.

(thunder rumbles) (rain splatters) You have heard us, great Terra.

(thunder rumbles) - [Narrator] At first, we didn't pay much attention to the rain, though It seemed heavier than any rain we'd ever seen.

But it continued without letup.

In fact, it seemed to increase in strength.

As we planned our takeoff procedure, which required some adjustment because of Kern and Sherman, I know we all felt slightly uneasy, nervous, as we listened to the heavy rain fall on the ship.

For myself, I listened with a sinking feeling, as though every drop were taking me further and further from ever finding her.

Then suddenly.

(ship creaks) (thunder rumbles) - Quickly, Andre, Hans.

(water rushes) (idyllic song) (water splashes) - This was all level ground when we landed.

- The stream's cutting a whole new channel above.

- Skipper, look here.

A crack running clear across, if it widens any more, we'll all be lost.

- Quick, lighten ship for emergency blastoff, maybe we can beat it.

(water rushes) (rain splatters) (thunder rumbles) (rain splatters) (thunder rumbles) - Ah.

(rock clanks) - Sherman, Kern, everybody back to the ship.

(rain splatters) - Hurry, Andre, hurry, Andre.

- Just finished.

(rain splatters) (lightning strikes) (thunder rumbles) Look what I found, hey!

They're human.

We can't leave, they're like us!

(thunder rumbles) We can't leave, they look just like us.

We can't leave, look, look, a face, it was in the rock.

Commander, they're like us.

Don't you see, look, they're like us.

We must stay, we must stay.

(thunder rumbles) (engines roar) (water rushes) (rain splatters) (water rushes) (rain splatters) - They are stronger than our gods, they are stronger than Terra.

Terra is a false god.

(rock crashes) (rocks clink) (Terra crashes) There is a stronger god.

(waves crash) (dramatic music) Hear us, oh strongest god of all.

We worship you.

(idyllic song) (dramatic music) - [Narrator] Well, that's the story.

It's been two years now and there's been no plan to return to Venus.

Lockhart and Kern have moved on to other missions, there's Mars to be explored and Jupiter.

But I can't forget her and I'm going back.

Maybe someday I'll see her.

Maybe I'll die trying.

(dramatic music) - Thank goodness that movie is over.

- Yep, nothing to do but sit back, relax, and live off the fat of the land.

- What, have you not been paying attention at all tonight?

- Not really, but we showed our movie, we did our part, we're square with the house.

Let's head out for our next assignment.

Maybe he'll send us to Hawaii, or Paris, or even Dover, Delaware.

- No.

No, you don't get it.

This is our assignment.

We have to show a different movie every week.

- Can't we just show this one again?

I liked it, it wasn't that bad.

- It was awful.

Between now and next week, you're going to have to find us a new movie, a good one this time.

- Ah, boss, I was kidding the whole time.

I already found a movie for next week.

- Really?

- Yes, I was up in level 42 and I found this movie floating in an old mop bucket.

Take a gander at this.

(upbeat jazz music) - [Announcer] The artist, the poet, the figure model who loves to show it.

- Do you suppose he could be physically attracted to her?

- No, man, he ain't the type.

He don't get enough Vitamin E. - [Announcer] All these are beat, all these you'll meet in "A Bucket of Blood."

- Let us make the sea.

- Crazy.

(upbeat guitar music) - [Announcer] Enjoy yourself (giggles), where the hilarious enjoy the horrifying in "A Bucket of Blood."

- No, you're going to shoot me, don't shoot.

(man groans) (ominous music) - [Announcer] Come to the land of living dreams, where realists dream of the unreal.

- Walter, you've done something to me, something deep down inside of my piranha.

Oh Walter, I want to be with you, you're creative.

- [Announcer] Beatniks at their bawdiest, the creative urge at its most primitive.

- I'm deeply moved and I shall compose a poem.

- [Announcer] Love is art, art is love.

It's the weirdest and the wildest.

- I don't want to make statues anymore.

I want to get married to you.

(dramatic music) (woman screams) (man cackles) - That looks awful.

- Would you rather we show this one again?

- No, no, no, just be sure to have it ready next week.

- I will, boss, you can depend on me.

- Don't you think you ought to write that down or something, you know, just to remind yourself to have a movie ready for next week?

- Nah, I'm sure I'll remember.

What do you take me for, my main job is finding movies, you can count on me.

- Folks, I apologize for the movie tonight.

We could have had something great, but El Sapo here messed everything up as usual.

The law of averages say we are bound to find a good movie eventually.

So until we meet again, may all your dreams be nightmares.

(lightning strikes)