[upbeat music] - At High Point University, we are focused on preparing students for the world as it is going to be.

- Hi, I'm Steve Wozniak, the Woz, and I'm proud to be High Point University's Innovator in Residence.

[upbeat music continues] - [Announcer] Funding provided by: Sidney and Rachel Strauss, Julia Courtney, Scott Oxford, and viewers like you.

[driving music] - It's not a forum to try to change anyone's position on anything, but to open up an avenue for conversation.

[driving music continues] - And let's just go out on a limb and try something new and different.

- I have very strong opinions about things that I feel are ruining the dynamics of this country.

- I have opinions.

[chuckling] [driving music continues] - We're doing two things: this won't be gotcha and it will be that every voice will be honored.

[driving music continues] - Really, I'm very curious about [laughing] how is it going to go?

[driving music continues] - And we want people who've got something to say, to say it.

[driving music continues] This is an opportunity to do something that no one in the state has done.

A statewide broadcast of eight North Carolinians, different backgrounds, different thoughts, talking about common ground and common issues.

I had asked everyone to bring a photograph or an artifact and I'd like to begin with that as we get to know each other a little better, of what memory you have with you, why it matters, why you want to share that particular memory.

So Kathy, let's begin with yours.

- I have two children.

Lucy is seven and Sydney is five.

They are very special little people, but we love to take them on adventures and hiking is one of those things that we really enjoy and, so just being in the mountains for me is just soul grounding.

There's just something about mountains that really speaks to my soul.

- As I was growing up, my grandmother always wore pearls.

She always wore them to church and I always had, you know, a deep memory of her wearing pearls.

As a member of the Waccamaw Siouan tribe, being a coastal tribe for the state, I learned that pearls was a symbol of really of honor for indigenous women on the coast.

- Lee?

- The middle one is basically the family that took care of me when I lived in Texas and was finishing up my undergraduate degree in biology.

All I had to do is use my GI bill for school, They fed me, they housed me basically, they're like, "Listen man, you want that degree?

You have a once in a lifetime opportunity to not have to work for it, just go do it."

This one here is me and my wife and our functionally adopted a little sibling.

She just finished a counseling master's from UNC Greensboro.

And this is like all of us playing probably some ungodly card game that we shouldn't play.

- [David] Pilar.

- I'm from Colombia.

I immigrated to the United States 19 years ago with my two daughters.

We are using our Colombian dancing dresses because for us dancing is a beautiful expression of our culture and who we are.

So we are a blended family.

I married a guy from New York, a Jewish guy, we converted.

He has three older kids and now we have nine grandkids.

- Fiaz.

- I'm the fourth generation American, of course immigrated from India.

We both came here, me and my wife, and we have three children, two boys and a girl.

And we came up north, New Jersey, and then we moved down to North Carolina about 25, 26 years ago and felt good.

They went to college universities and they're working here now.

- Nisha.

- I come from a a Hindi background, Christian convert.

I was raised in very much assimilated to you know, American culture and was born in America.

This is a picture of my family's heritage and both my grandmothers are in here and my mom's a little baby.

And I'll take that back to today and while I make that bridge from heritage to what is my life go forward, this is a picture of myself and my two children, Abigail and Elijah, and a picture of them greeting at church because I converted to Christianity when I was 15 and we live to serve God.

- Anna.

- The first thing I brought was my grandmother's button box.

She worked in the mill and she went to work when she was 14 years old.

And her button box is what I inherited when she passed.

These are buttons that people would keep together so that if they're going to place them on outfits or clothes, she would have sets of uniqueness or things that were very similar.

So she would collate her buttons.

- Thank you for sharing.

- You're welcome - [David] Jake.

- This is me and my mom and I believe we were camping.

This one is my dad and my brother at the paper mill that shut down.

And I think this was took around this, around the last year before it shut down.

That one kind of hurt.

- We talked about what would bring us here and that is the appearance that in the country, in this state, all parts of this state, people have difficulty talking with each other.

They can talk at each other, around each other, but it's hard to take on subjects where we disagree and be honest and authentic.

So my first question for you, is why is that?

- Some people will say that the last couple of elections have emboldened people to show their true color, so to speak.

I don't think it was showing their true colors.

I think they just didn't say these things.

And we need to get back to a point where it's like, hey, if you disagree with me, that's cool.

Now if you disagree with my right to exist as a free and clear citizen of these United States, I don't know that this is gonna work as a friendship and as a dialogue.

- Have any of you lost friendships over these disagreements?

- I lost my, one of my best friends in Colombia when I converted to Judaism because she's very, it's Mariana, you know, it's like in Colombia, or everywhere, it's a movement with Virgin Mary.

So she was very into it and she told me once, every time I went to visit she was like, "Oh, I need to save you.

I need to save your girls.

That's now my task in life."

So I told her, you know, "We need to stop this because it is really not helping.

If you don't wanna hear from me why I converted, why I feel this way."

But also I asked her, "Have I changed as a person?

Have I changed as your friend or the way I act or the way we have this friendship?"

And she said, "No."

I said, "So what is the point?

Let's, if for you it's so difficult, no, you know, to have this conversation about this.

Let's don't talk about it.

Let's don't talk about religion.

And I converted, I didn't whatever, still have the friendship."

And she couldn't, she couldn't get it, 'cause she said, "No, my task in life now is to save you and save your girls."

- My sister has different social views, social political views than I do.

When we were trying to determine who should we put as the guardian for our children when my husband and I were getting ready to go on a vacation, we didn't indicate my sister because she has certain views and beliefs that we just, that are just not aligned with what we want our children to learn.

Well, on the one hand, my sister and I are closer than we've ever been.

That really created a lot of hurt.

I feel guilty about that.

'Cause on paper it's like, well, of course it should be your sister.

And my kids love my sister and she's a fantastic aunt, it's hard.

- Ashley.

- I went away in the military for, I think I was probably gone from 2001-2016.

So I was gone for quite a bit of time.

But, I mean obviously I stayed very connected with my family and I lived in Germany for a while.

I deployed to Iraq.

I lived in Seattle for a while and had many different experiences in life and my viewpoint of what loving each other means and what, you know, having good relationships means and being able to talk to people, you know, I experienced a lot more.

And so, whenever I moved back home in 2016, I felt like the fundamental things that I grew up and was raised with kind of had shifted into something that was nearly, like to me, like even like unrecognizable.

My husband is Filipino, he is from the Philippines, he's lived here all his life, nearly all his life.

And so whenever it came time, you know they're talking about the southern border and you know, immigrants coming and I'm like, this is your family.

Like you're talking about your son-in-law.

I made the choice of maintaining a relationship with my dad and my other siblings that believed that way to just remove myself from situations that where those things came up and I knew my husband or my family was feeling uncomfortable, 'cause I have half native American, half Filipino kids.

- Hey Jake, you've told stories about when you and your fellow firefighters are called, you are one team, one unit.

You're there, to serve the public.

When you return, you're still different, - Still different.

[group chuckling] Yeah, it's living in fire stations for 24, 48 hours at a time, and everybody comes from different walks of life and different religious and political, and just having to get along, 'cause you can't escape, you can't leave.

Like you're just, you're there.

The tones drop for a call, all that just goes away.

You on the truck, get out the door, handle the situation and come back.

We might start as soon as we walk through the bay door, it might pick back up later.

- You can differ in your beliefs about things, but when it comes to helping, serving one another, you're locked in.

- The fundamental idea is we do not understand each other.

Once we begin to understand each other, these walls tend to crumble and then you see each other through at least through the glass, not, you know, really one-on-one.

In the medical field, no matter, you know, the person may that you're treating may be a homeless person or another one is a CEO.

You can't make a distinction difference you just have to serve.

So, in particularly that field, and also in the field of, you know, firefighting and police, they have to treat the people equal.

In the past we used to talk to each other, we used to sit with each other, have lunch.

Now the moment, if we take a break, everybody will be on theirs.

This is with the all our kids, all those who have the kids will understand that there is no communication now.

So the communication is not what is understood, what is meant to be understood.

- Why is there so much division?

It's how the next generation is being raised and what they're exposed to.

Are we maintaining the standards that we used to maintain?

Like you turn on a television program and you are almost watching soft porn.

As a mother, I don't want my children turning on the television without knowing exactly what they're watching and having to fast forward through scenes that I think are inappropriate, that are just on mainstream TV now.

I think the division's coming from where are our morals and what are they based off of.

If you're a religious person, you're not appreciating what some people today are putting forth into the environment, teaching your children to be okay with certain things.

And it's gotten so far that it's polarized our country.

- Each generation it's their responsibility to teach and pass on their heritage and what they feel is right and wrong.

If you have a generation that said, "Oh well I'm never gonna spank my child because my parents did it, I'm gonna be their best friend."

There may be less discipline.

So more unruly kids, you know, they're not gonna be learning what no means.

If no is said in our household, no meant no.

Years ago we didn't have a smartphone where you could go onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and, "Ha, I gotcha."

- Yeah.

- You know, there's no face, there's no personal disappointment that you see of the hurt that you may have caused somebody.

- I was a correctional officer after I spent my time in the military.

I worked in the North Carolina DPS system for four years and then I moved to Texas and I was a detention officer for three before I went back to school for my biology degree.

You don't have to discipline your kids if you don't want to, one of us will.

[everyone laughing] - Oh god.

- And I would rather see you do it, so your kid doesn't come in my sally port.

I'd rather see you do it, so your kid's not bloody on the side of the road, you know?

I would rather see the parents take care of the issue because it begins at home.

- When Nisha was saying, I don't want my children to learn certain things.

That is a little bit triggering for me because I think, well what don't you want your children to learn?

I want them to learn about gender identity.

I want them to learn about different religions.

I want them to learn so that then they can make up their own minds.

And so when I hear people express fear of children and people learning and being exposed to difference, that makes me anxious.

And I feel like, for me at least, that's where some of the heat comes in.

- I think school needs to be, hey, how do you learn mathematics?

And yes, learn about different cultures and different religions and understand that.

My son's about to be 10 and my daughter is 12.

I don't want somebody to say, "Let's figure out what gender you are when you're 4."

- I don't think anybody is sitting down with children and saying, "What gender do you think you are?"

And out of the blue talk to anybody who identifies as trans and they will say, "I knew from a very young age, nobody planted that seed in my head."

I mean, it sort of goes back to the arguments too about, do we teach about safe sex or not?

You know, teaching about safe sex isn't gonna make people have sex.

Teaching about different gender identity is not gonna make people change their gender.

It's a biological phenomenon.

But I do think that at least being open to hearing from real people who really have experienced some of these things can diminish a lot of the fear and misconceptions.

It might change the way you think.

- When it comes to training up children.

It's an absolute no.

You know, like, "Hey, you need to learn not to bully people that are different from you."

That's one thing.

So I understand, I understand that aspect of it, but people do make intentional choices.

They explore based off of curiosity.

- Your objections are faith-based, correct?

- Yes.

- That's what you are saying.

I just wanna make sure I'm - Faith tradition.

- Okay.

Now as far as the sex education part, part of that, a lot of that I disagree with what you're saying.

Mainly because number one, if the kid can't identify what's happened to them, like say if it's childhood sexual abuse, if the kid can't describe it in court, the perpetrator's gonna get away with it.

And as far as the, the gender identity thing, I didn't learn that in school.

Mind you, a lot of my friends at this juncture are part of the community.

None of us knew that then, we were not taught that.

We joke that it might've been, it might've been in the water.

- I don't see why we need to be teaching in elementary school that, "Oh, you can pick what you are, but then to force somebody else to go along with your agenda of yourself."

Respectfully, I'm gonna decline to go along with what you feel like.

- What do you make of where the use of pronouns have become?

- Them and they terms confuse me because you're not Siamese twin.

- I was raised.

He and she, there weren't others and I still feel that it's very difficult for me to honor and respect that.

I'll just be honest.

It's difficult.

- And why?

- I'm not really sure other than just tradition and what I've been taught and my upbringing and I don't oppose them wanting to be something else and different, that's fine.

But underneath the clothes, there is a defined person of who you are.

- I'll tell you where the difficulty comes in from experience.

[group laughing] Here I have a document that I go to the waiting room and call "Paul, Mr. Paul Smith," said, "No, I'm Veronica."

I said, "Sir, I am trained to verify the name and date of birth and that's why I called you what I called you."

"No, you are wrong."

I said, "Okay, so show me where it says Veronica that I can treat you."

And so, after a little bit of conversation, then we came across, "Okay, let's move on without the name."

We got to, absolute due respect, because we are trained to respect the patient as a patient, person comes next.

So we check the date of birth and we check other identity.

It is fine.

So see how difficult it gets when you come into cases like this.

- And I think that's the problem.

Why now we have all these issues because now is you have to understand me and understand what I need and my uniqueness.

But how about me the other side?

If everybody thinks like that, nobody's going to get along.

- I love seeing queer people out and proud Like that to me, "I'm like, yes," you know.

Whenever I see someone who has to like maybe keep their partner home when they go to a family events or maybe they can't like go to like a gay pride parade because they're gonna lose a part of their family.

I wanted to make sure that my sons, I have two young boys and that they grow up in an environment, a family environment, that if they do, if they are queer, at some, any point in their life, that they know that they will always have a mom and a dad that will be there and support them and love them regardless.

- If somebody says, you know, "I know I'm biologically male, but I really feel like I'm a female."

How does that hurt any of us?

What does the downside?

- It's the obsession with it.

It's like, my gay friend, we would sit at a conference room, I didn't care about her sexuality, we weren't talking about pronouns, we were talking about the business.

- Can you really love and embrace someone who is diametrically opposed to the core of your belief?

- At the core of everyone at this table, the homeless guy in the street that's on dru-- everybody wants certain core things and they're all the same.

- Yeah.

- Regardless of what our views are.

- Mm hm.

- Jake was right.

On the human level, we are all human beings, we share the same earth.

God does not discriminate with the sun.

The sun shines on the world.

All of those are given.

And so, if we were to understand that part and not, like she was saying, impose on other people, then it'll be much better.

- I think we can all think of moments where we've helped somebody or somebody who has helped us and there hasn't been a discussion about, well what are your pronouns?

Or you know, what bumper stickers do you have?

But that's not what we're seeing in the media.

- You can filter what you see and sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes might be a bad thing.

But I think for each person, like how you're digesting and getting information and taking that in is different for each person.

Each person's just a little bit different in how you can, - It's hard.

You can't put cocaine in front of a coke addict and say don't touch it.

That's what media does.

- Well, it's something that yourself can have that, you make that decision for yourself.

How much time do you spend on Facebook?

It's kind of like the algorithms that you get in social sites, you know, the more that you click on it, that's the more that you're gonna get and so eventually that's all you're gonna see.

- We're our own worst enemies is what you're saying.

- Exactly.

- And politically, I do not know why there's so much of, you know, of a pull from one side to the other.

Even the workplaces have become such that, oh, this group, they watch that TV, this group watch that TV.

So right there, you know the inner feelings that they may, for the time being, they may treat you well because you are in that environment, but other than that, in their hearts, you know that, you know, you are either conservative or you are liberal, whatever that label is.

- How many of you watch a newscast on a daily basis?

One out of eight.

[group laughing] - Not daily.

- Okay.

Not daily.

Maybe once a week.

- Yeah, once a week or just look up and just scan headlines.

- And yet our perception, and it may be real, is that one of the greatest problems is the media and how we cover things.

- Mm hm.

- And yet this table doesn't watch much of it and yet you feel that it's not being done properly.

- We missed the first party to social media now.

- Social media.

- Social media,.

- Yeah, when that constitution was written, it didn't take into account social media that slander is against our laws too.

- Right.

- I would offer that the form of social media then was, an example where the Federalist Papers, or all media where people could say whatever they wanted to say, anonymously, and it was printed.

So I go back to the original question of how divided are we?

- Depending on who you speak to and what their positionality is in life, depends on what they're gonna answer that question with.

Even in the LGBT community, if you are a cisgender gay white male, you still can rely on being white and male.

- Mm hm.

- Yeah.

- That's just, yeah.

- You can still rely on that.

- Mm hm.

- And they will still have a better choice and a better chance, - Yeah.

- than I do.

- I think that a lot of our hatred comes from, because like, I was laughing about it yesterday, but we were talking about, you know, cultures and how, you know, everyone associates people with certain stereotypes, and I'm like, you know, not all Indian people get along.

I mean like, I think you can attest to that.

We've got different states, different countries, but who caused you the most harm in your life?

- Hate.

It's a word we've either consciously avoided or it just hasn't bubbled up until now.

Is that something that is pervasive?

- And some of it becomes from your social media.

They keep throwing things out and bombarding us with the same hatred messages and it's very difficult to love someone who tells you that they constantly don't agree, don't agree, you should believe this way and they keep throwing things down your throat.

- I think it's super subjective and I think each one of us would define hatred in probably very different ways with some common themes.

I see hatred in a lot of the legislation that's being presented for exclusion of people.

- Are hate and fear intertwined to you?

- I think they're very intertwined.

And I think fear breeds hatred.

If we can address the fear, the hatred will dissolve.

- Pilar, are you pointed out in an earlier conversation we were having that when you're not born in an area, there are a lot of things you just don't know, that people project on you that you should know.

- I lived my whole life in Colombia.

I came to this country, I started learning about immigrants, Latino immigrants in this country, and how different we are, and how we couldn't understand each other because we use different Spanish and learning about all the struggles of the immigrant community and even using the right terminology.

For me now when somebody says illegal immigrants, hits me, it's nobody's illegal, undocumented immigrants or here illegally.

So things like that.

And still I've been here 19 years and I'm still learning and trying to navigate and it's interesting, every time you go to different places, different environments, share with different people, again, you feel like, "Oh, I'm not from here."

- We actually had a conversation where, we listened, didn't necessarily change our minds, but there was a different way to communicate.

So maybe it's not as edgy, which gives space for possibility.

So thank you.

[driving music] - I've had several health issues and basically they came about after I got the vaccine.

- As a society, one of the tenets that I think that we have lost is the notion that we have to take care of each other.

- [Announcer] Funding provided by: Sidney and Rachel Strauss, Julia Courtney, and Scott Oxford.

- [Announcer] Quality public television is made possible through the financial contributions of viewers like you who invite you to join them in supporting PBS NC.

[upbeat music] - At High Point University, we are focused on preparing students for the world as it is going to be.

- Hi, I'm Steve Wozniak, the Woz, and I'm proud to be High Point University's Innovator in Residence.

[upbeat music]