<b>(calm music playing)</b> <b>(thunder crashing)</b> <b>♪ One day the</b> <b>devil came to him ♪</b> <b>♪ For he was a minor demon </b> <b>♪ Asked him to</b> <b>torture some humans ♪</b> <b>♪ With his two friends in two </b> <b>♪ Mittens and El Sapo </b> <b>♪ The Baron Mondo Von Doren </b> <b>♪ On Nightmare Theatre </b> Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get the appeal of the video games and the social media and the Napster and all that stuff.

Sure, sure.

Kids have a lot of fun with these toys, but it didn't used to be that way.

Mittens It didn't used to be that way at all.

Oh, what's that?

Oh, yeah, sure.

The kids had fun back in the old days.

Lots and lots of fun, but with each toy came a little hint of danger.

No, no, no.

I mean real danger.

So you feel more alive after a brush with death?

Mittens and toys back then provided many, many brushes with death.

Take one of the best toys aimed at boys.

The big wheel.

It was a plastic bike.

And you rode it in the street in the middle of traffic.

The first things boys tried to do was take it off some sweet jumps with ramps they made out of whatever they could find.

Oh, goodness, no, they didn't wear helmets.

Where would the fun have been in that?

Toys also came with jagged edges, and the coolest ones actually shot little projectiles out.

No, no real projectiles.

The kind of stuff that would go right down your throat.

Toys.

They shot darts and arrows, sometimes with real metal tips.

What?

No.

Of course we shot them at each other all the time.

What?

Girl's toys?

They were fine and safe.

Girls have better sense than boys, but man alive.

Boys toys were a different story.

Oh, wait, wait.

I got to go.

Okay.

Hello and welcome to Nightmare Theater.

I'm your host, the Baron, Mondo Van Doren.

And here with me is Mittens The Werewolf.

And we were just discussing how great things used to be as we wait for the main reason things aren't great anymore.

El Sapo de Tempesto to show up with tonight's movie.

I'm not sure where it could be exactly, but.

All right, here I am, fellas.

Oh, good.

You're here.

Do you have a movie for tonight?

Sadly, I do not.

But it was not my fault.

So, again, no movie.

Wonderful.

But I couldn't help it.

A whole lot of stuff happened to me today.

Okay, El Sapo so here's what I'm going to I'm going to give you 30 seconds to explain why you don't have a movie.

It wasn't.

My fault.

Clock is ticking, buddy.

I ran out of gas.

I got a flat tire.

I didn't have cash for cab fare.

I lost my tux at the cleaners.

I locked my keys in the car.

An old friend came in from out of town.

Someone stole my car.

There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts!

It wasn't my fault.

I swear to God, it wasn't my fault.

All right, time's up.

You don't have a film.

Go get one.

This conversation's over.

Over?

Nothing is over until we decide it's over.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

All those lines.

I stopped to get food.

I was going to get you for fried chicken.

Just a coke for fried.

Wait a minute.

Those are all John Belushi's lines.

You were goofing off all day down at the Belushi Film Festival, weren't you?

I wanted to meet Jim Belushi, but he wasn't there.

Apparently, his manager at the Weenie Wagon made him close last night so he couldn't make it today.

That's great.

So we have absolutely nothing to show tonight.

Well, we do, actually.

There was a Dan Aykroyd impersonator.

They're asking people for spare change, for gas money.

I tried to lift his wallet when he wasn't looking, but all I got was this.

Now, I'm not sure what is on this, but maybe you could show it when I go look for a movie.

Uh huh.

I guess I have no choice, do I?

Folks, while Senator Blutarsky number one fan here goes off to look for a movie, why don't.

Why don't you know what it is?

Let's just watch it.

<b>- Look!

An enemy chariot!</b> <b>- That's Sharad, </b> <b>the high priest!</b> <b>- If we can capture him, the </b> <b>sacred city is bound to fall!</b> <b>- It's Crash, Kahn's men</b> <b>are after him!</b> <b>- We must save him!</b> <b>He saved me from the enemy.</b> <b>- Corrigan!

Over here!</b> <b>- Hey, watch out Crash!</b> <b>- Come on over!</b> <b>- Right!

Down!</b> <b>- It's Moloch!</b> <b>He's turned traitor!</b> <b>-I hope you're enjoying your</b> <b>visit with your old friend.</b> <b>- You know he doesn't </b> <b>recognize me!</b> <b>You've destroyed his mind!</b> <b>Made a different person of him!</b> <b>- His mind is not destroyed.</b> <b>I have merely transformed it</b> <b>to my will.</b> <b>When the rocket motors</b> <b>are completed, enabling me</b> <b>to carry out my plan,</b> <b>I may restore him</b> <b>to his former state.</b> <b>And until then,</b> <b>I will not allow you</b> <b>or anybody else to interfere!</b> <b>What is it?</b> <b>- Your Majesty,</b> <b>I regret to report that</b> <b>our attempt to capture</b> <b>Sharad failed,</b> <b>because of interference by that</b> <b>lieutenant from the upper world.</b> <b>- What about Moloch?</b> <b>Did he fail?

</b> <b>- Worse than that.</b> <b>He's turned traitor and </b> <b>joined forces with Sharad.</b> <b>- An Imperial Guardsmen</b> <b>in the enemy camp?</b> <b>We must act quickly before </b> <b>he betrays our secrets!</b> <b>Attack the city at once, </b> <b>send war chariots, cavalry, </b> <b>and full siege equipment!</b> <b>- If you had not rescued me</b> <b>from the soldiers of Unga Kahn,</b> <b>my people were prepared</b> <b>to surrender the city</b> <b>in a vain effort</b> <b>to preserve my life.</b> <b>In recognition of your courage,</b> <b>self-sacrifice,</b> <b>and evident loyalty</b> <b>to our sacred city,</b> <b>I offer you command </b> <b>of the Atlantian army.</b> <b>- Commander of the army?</b> <b>Oh, boy, oh, boy!</b> <b>- I don't pretend</b> <b>to deserve the honor,</b> <b>but since it is a challenge</b> <b>to my loyalty,</b> <b>I accept.</b> <b>- Wisely said.</b> <b>- Give him the insignia</b> <b>of high command.</b> <b>May this sword serve</b> <b>you as faithfully</b> <b>as I know you will serve us.</b> <b>- Hail the commander!</b> <b>- A request, exalted one.</b> <b>- Speak.</b> <b>- I plead for mercy for </b> <b>the black robed </b> <b>prisoner, Moloch.</b> <b>- You spared him in the arena.</b> <b>Therefore,</b> <b>his life belongs to you.</b> <b>- A messenger approaches!</b> <b>- Unga Kahn's entire army is</b> <b>advancing to attack the city!</b> <b>- Prepare for defense!</b> <b>(bugle call)</b> <b>- Archers!

Man the wall!</b> <b>Hold your mounted troopers </b> <b>in reserve!</b> <b>- What are my orders?</b> <b>- Take your place on the wall!</b> <b>They're bound to wait</b> <b>until dark before</b> <b>attacking in full force.</b> <b>Archers!

In position!</b> <b>Shoot!</b> <b>- Juggernaut's ready, sir.

</b> <b>- Good!

We'll start </b> <b>when night falls.

</b> <b>- Here they come now!</b> <b>Bring more ammunition!</b> <b>The juggernaut!</b> <b>Man the flamethrowers!</b> <b>- Look out, Crash!</b> <b>Let go of the ladder, Crash!</b> Hello and welcome back.

So that was chapter four, Revenge of the Volkytes.

All I have to say is good job, horses, man.

If I could meet them horses, I'd give them each a nice carrot or an apple or oats or whatever it is horses eat.

They smashed Crash really good.

And you know something?

I hope it really, really hurt.

What?

What, what?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know, I know.

He weaseled out of it, but please let me hold on to at least one ray of happiness in my otherwise bleak existence.

Speaking of bleak, I wonder where El Sapo is with tonight's movie.

Maybe some horses ran over him.

That would be hilarious.

Here I am, boss, and I found us a movie.

Well yippie.

I mean, I think it's a movie at least.

What does that mean?

I mean, there's a chance, a small chance, but there's a chance.

It could be one of the music video things with the singing and dancing that the kids like because it has a band's name on it.

What are you talking about?

Just give me that can.

Here you go, boss.

Sapo, this is White Zombie.

Yeah, I don't care much for that band.

You know.

More stupid than stupid.

I know a lot of people like it, but I think it's just a bunch of yelling and screaming myself.

And one time I heard that guy in the band curse.

I don't like them guys boss.

Sapo this is not a collection of music videos.

We dodged a bullet there, huh?

Sapo, this isn't bad.

This isn't bad at all.

In fact, it's almost good.

I mean, it has a few minor problems.

Like me.

No you have lots of problems.

This movie has a few minor issues, primarily related to the era when it was made.

But I don't want to talk about that right now.

Maybe later.

No, we're starting the night off with a good movie.

It's got one of the coolest guys who ever lived in it.

Meeno Peluce?

No... Ron Pallilo?

No... Joey Lawrence.

No.

Sapo, no.

And it's best you stop asking.

It's got Bela Lugosi in it.

I thought he was dead.

Well, he is, but he's in this movie and man is he great in it.

And they brought him back from the dead for this movie.

No, Sapo.

The movie was made before he died.

Before he died?

Yeah.

This movie was made in 1932, and Bela was very much alive and at the top of his game back then.

Well, is he good in this movie?

Heck yeah.

Sapo, I'd like to ask you to do me a favor.

You just point that man out to me, boss, and you won't see him no more.

What?

No, that's not what I meant.

I just want to ask you if we can have a normal night.

No wild schemes.

No wild schemes.

No crazy ideas.

No crazy ideas.

Just the three of us and a fairly good movie.

You have my word, boss.

That means nothing.

I could sign a document.

I can't read your writing.

Pinky swear?

I don't want to touch your hands.

Look, just promise me we'll have a calm, normal night for once.

We have a movie that is not bad at all.

Not good, but definitely not great, but not bad.

So let's just sit back, relax and watch.

White Zombie starring the coolest guy to ever walk the face of the earth here on Nightmare Theatre.

<b>(islanders chanting)</b> <b>- Looks like a burial.</b> <b>- In the road?</b> <b>(islanders chanting)</b> <b>- Driver, what is it?</b> <b>- It's a funeral, ma'am.</b> <b>They're afraid of the men</b> <b>who steal dead bodies.</b> <b>So they dig the graves </b> <b>in the middle of the road</b> <b>where people pass all the time.</b> <b>- Well!

</b> <b>That's a cheerful introduction </b> <b>for you to our West Indies!

</b> <b>(islanders continue chanting)</b> <b>- Do you know where is the </b> <b>house of Monsier Beaumont?</b> <b>Zombies!

Allez vie!

Hey!</b> <b>- It felt like hands, </b> <b>clutching me!</b> <b>- Why did you drive like that,</b> <b>you fool?

</b> <b>We might have been killed!</b> <b>- Worse than that, monsieur.

</b> <b>We might have been caught.</b> <b>- Caught?

By whom?</b> <b>Those men you spoke to?</b> <b>- They are not men, monsieur.</b> <b>They are dead bodies!</b> <b>- Dead?</b> <b>- Yes, monsieur.

Zombies!</b> <b>The living dead.</b> <b>Corpses taken from their graves!</b> <b>Who are made to work</b> <b>the sugar mills </b> <b>and fields at night.</b> <b>Look!

Here they come!</b> <b>- Look, look!</b> <b>(wolf howls)</b> <b>- Excuse me, please.</b> <b>Have you got a match?</b> <b>Did I frighten you?</b> <b>I'm sorry.</b> <b>I'm ugly enough, I suppose.</b> <b>- No, it wasn't you.</b> <b>Something happened</b> <b>back on the road there.</b> <b>We stopped to speak to some men.</b> <b>Our driver told us </b> <b>they weren't men at all.</b> <b>Instead, they were corpses.</b> <b>- Corpses?</b> <b>- Surely you don't </b> <b>believe it, do you?</b> <b>- No.</b> <b>Well, I don't know.</b> <b>Haiti is full of nonsense</b> <b>and superstition.</b> <b>They're always mixed up</b> <b>with a lot of mysteries</b> <b>that'll turn your hair gray.</b> <b>I've been a missionary here for,</b> <b>oh, 30 years, and at times</b> <b>I don't know what to think.</b> <b>Come, let's go in the house.</b> <b>- Oh, yes, come, dear.</b> <b>- Is Mr. Beaumont in?</b> <b>- You're expected, Dr. Bruner.

</b> <b>- Yes, I've been sent</b> <b>for to marry someone.</b> <b>May we?</b> <b>How long is it that you know </b> <b>Mr.

Beaumont?

</b> <b>- Only a few days.</b> <b>Madeleine introduced him</b> <b>on the docks in Port au Prince.</b> <b>- Oh.

And you?</b> <b>- I met him on the ship</b> <b>coming from New York.</b> <b>He was very kind</b> <b>during the voyage.</b> <b>- So Madeline and I had </b> <b>planned to be married</b> <b>the moment she arrived,</b> <b>but Mr. Beaumont</b> <b>persuaded us to come here.</b> <b>He promised to take me out</b> <b>of the bank and Port au Prince</b> <b>and send me to</b> <b>New York at his agent.

</b> <b>- Strange.</b> <b>Very strange.

You-</b> <b>- I'll tell Mr. Beaumont</b> <b>you're here.</b> <b>- It's alright isn't it, Doctor?</b> <b>- Oh, I guess so.</b> <b>You see, I've only met Mr.</b> <b>Beaumont once or twice, but,</b> <b>but he never spoke to me</b> <b>like a man</b> <b>that would take the trouble</b> <b>to play fairy godfather</b> <b>to a young couple like you.</b> <b>Unless... </b> <b>- Unless what, sir?</b> <b>- I suppose you think I'm a </b> <b>meddling old fool, but </b> <b>you know, I'd feel better</b> <b>if you'd clear out of this place</b> <b>after you're married and</b> <b>have nothing more to do </b> <b>with Mr. Beaumont.

</b> <b>- The young people </b> <b>have arrived, sir,</b> <b>and Dr. Bruner.

They're waiting</b> <b>in the reception hall.</b> <b>- Show them to their room</b> <b>and tell them I'm out.</b> <b>No, wait.</b> <b>Perhaps I better see them.</b> <b>It might look odd if I didn't.</b> <b>- Very odd, sir.</b> <b>Especially as Dr. Bruner </b> <b>is a trifle skeptical </b> <b>as to your...motives.</b> <b>- Never mind my motives.</b> <b>Has the other person </b> <b>sent word yet?</b> <b>- No sir, not yet.</b> <b>- He's 24 hours late.</b> <b>- I wish you'd keep away </b> <b>from that man, sir.</b> <b>He'll make trouble for you.</b> <b>- You needn't worry about that.</b> <b>I'm not afraid of him.</b> <b>- I'm not easily </b> <b>frightened, sir.</b> <b>You should know that.</b> <b>But what you're</b> <b>planning is dangerous.</b> <b>- Don't you suppose</b> <b>I know that, Silver?</b> <b>You don't seem to realize</b> <b>what this girl means to me.</b> <b>Why, I'd sacrifice anything</b> <b>I have in the world for her.</b> <b>Nothing matters if </b> <b>I can't have her.</b> <b>- I think you'll like Haiti.</b> <b>Most people-</b> <b>- Oh, Madeline.</b> <b>I'm delighted to see you!</b> <b>Neil, you're more than welcome.</b> <b>- Thank you, sir.</b> <b>- Doctor, it is very </b> <b>kind of you to come.</b> <b>I know what a busy man you are.</b> <b>- No, no, not at all.</b> <b>There's a,</b> <b>there's a native family</b> <b>that lives out here</b> <b>that I've been trying to see</b> <b>for a long time.</b> <b>After this young couple are </b> <b>safely married, I'll leave.</b> <b>- But surely you'll stay</b> <b>for dinner after the ceremony?</b> <b>- Oh, no, no, no.</b> <b>I'm going along.

</b> <b>- Well, that's a great pity.</b> <b>We had something very special</b> <b>prepared for this occasion.</b> <b>It was very good of you,</b> <b>Madeline, to humor </b> <b>the whim of a lonely man.</b> <b>There was so little time</b> <b>to prepare.</b> <b>I couldn't do half the things</b> <b>I want to do for you.</b> <b>- You've done more than enough</b> <b>already, Mr. Beaumont,</b> <b>giving Neil a position</b> <b>in the states.</b> <b>- Neil?

</b> <b>- Yes!</b> <b>Yes, indeed.

</b> <b>- Oh, yes, of course.</b> <b>I'm sure Neil will make</b> <b>a very good agent,</b> <b>but you must be tired after</b> <b>your drive.

You get some rest.</b> <b>Silver!</b> <b>Silver will show you </b> <b>to your rooms.</b> <b>- This way, please.</b> <b>(loud knocking)</b> Hello and welcome back, I hope.

Wait, I know you're enjoying White Zombie starring the great Bela Lugosi.

Is Bela Lugosi that blonde lady?

Sapo, you know good and well, then Bela Lugosi is a man, you know, good and well who he is.

I have never even heard of that man.

Yes.

Yes, you have.

We live on Lugosi Lane.

We live on Lugosi Lane.

Suppose we agreed to have a good night with no troubles and no disruption.

I will mind my business and I will keep to myself.

Oh, good.

You won't hear a word from me.

Good.

Not a word.

After right now.

Even better.

But, boss.

But that's two.

Words.

Tell me, tell me, tell me who.

Plays that lady?

Well, that lady is Madge Bellamy.

And you said you'd shut your yap.

The whole night.

Was just her first and only.

Movie.

No, she was a very popular actress in her day and she was in several movies, not not great movies, but she was in a lot of movies.

I think it's fair to say she is most remembered for a role in this one.

But she was also in Northwest Trail in 1945, under your spell in 1936.

And I swear I'm not making this one up.

Bertha, the sewing machine girl in 1926.

I tell you one thing, she's pretty easy on the eyes.

And that she is.

Here's an interesting fact.

In 1928, she married a guy named Logan Metcalf.

Want to guess how long their marriage lasted?

Well, if I know how seriously Hollywood types take the institution of marriage, I'll take a guess and say, 70 years?

No, 60 years?

Nope.

Fewer than three days.

Three days.

Folks.

Let's get back to White Zombie, starring Bela Lugosi and a lady who was married for three days longer than El Sapo will ever be here on Nighmare Theatre.

<b>- Delighted to see you again,</b> <b>Monsieur Beaumont.

</b> <b>Please.

</b> <b>Please.</b> <b>I'm sorry to have kept you</b> <b>waiting, monsieur.</b> <b>I have been on a journey</b> <b>seeking men for my mill.</b> <b>- Men?

</b> <b>- They work faithfully.</b> <b>They are not worried </b> <b>about long hours.</b> <b>You!</b> <b>You could make good use </b> <b>of men like mine</b> <b>on your plantation.

</b> <b>- No.

</b> <b>That's not what I want.</b> <b>- Then perhaps you wish to talk</b> <b>about the young lady</b> <b>who came to your house</b> <b>this evening.</b> <b>- You've seen her?</b> <b>When?</b> <b>- The road.

Tonight.</b> <b>There was a young man with her.</b> <b>- They're to be married tonight.</b> <b>You've waited too long </b> <b>to do anything!</b> <b>- What do you want me to do?</b> <b>- If she were to disappear,</b> <b>for a month,</b> <b>- What do you hope to gain</b> <b>by her disappearance?</b> <b>- Everything!</b> <b>- Heaven!

Do you think she will </b> <b>forget her lover in a month?</b> <b>- Just give me a month.</b> <b>One little month.</b> <b>- Not in a month.</b> <b>Not even a year.</b> <b>I've looked in her eyes.</b> <b>She is deeply in love.</b> <b>But not with you.</b> <b>- They're to be married</b> <b>within an hour.</b> <b>There must be a way!</b> <b>- There is a way.</b> <b>But the cost.

</b> <b>The cost is heavy!</b> <b>- You give me what I want,</b> <b>and you may ask anything!</b> <b>No, not that!</b> <b>- Only a pinpoint,</b> <b>Monsiuer Beaumont.

</b> <b>In a glass of wine</b> <b>or perhaps a flower!</b> <b>Take it.

The time </b> <b>is very brief.</b> <b>You must do your share if</b> <b>I am to help you.

</b> <b>Keep it.

monsieur.

</b> <b>Keep it!</b> <b>You may change your mind.</b> <b>Send me word</b> <b>when you use it.</b> I'll find another.

<b>- I'll find another way!</b> <b>- There is no other way!</b> Hello and welcome back.

I have to say, I'm enjoying White Zombie.

It really is nice to have a calm, ordinary night.

Sapo is on his best behavior and mittens here.

I've never had to worry about him.

He's a sound as a pound.

Boss, I noticed something about this film.

You were supposed to be quiet all night.

But I noticed something.

I bet you did.

You noticed how great Belle is in it.

You noticed the cool music.

You notice Bella's amazing beard?

No, I didn't notice anything like that.

I noticed them zombies?

Yes, zombies.

Do you know, some people claim this was the first movie to use the word zombies.

What are zombies?

Where do zombies come from?

Well, zombies come from voodoo spells or curses, if you will.

Tell me more.

Tell me more.

Well, let me dumb it down to your level.

Voodoo is a religion of sorts.

It's actually a combination of West African religions and beliefs and Roman Catholicism.

It comes from the word voodoo, which basically means spirit or deity.

At its core.

It was just a way for believers to offer sacrifices and rituals in order to appease spirits, to gain favor or protection from evil spirits.

It was harmless and fine.

In this movie, Voodoo is just a small part of the film.

You'll see Bela carve a doll, you'll see some zombies.

But eventually, Hollywood writers really did a number on voodoo.

Oh, I get Hollywood gave it some sizzle, some some pizzazz, some zip, some zeal, some zing.

Kind of like when I everything we do around here, some of that special patented Sapo or mystical magic.

Well, I guess that's one way to put it.

Hollywood definitely did the voodoo.

What you've done to my operation.

So Hollywood made it better?

No, they made it worse.

They exploited it and made a mockery of it.

This movie might not be the worst example of voodoo exploitation, but it's in the same ballpark.

I mean, Hollywood just ruins everything.

That doesn't sound like the Hollywood I know.

Wait have there been a lot of movies with this voodoo stuff in it.

Oh, yeah, lots of them over the years, thousands of movies have been made with voodoo as a cheap subplot.

Well, tell me about them.

I hesitate to do this, and I'm only going to name a few.

There was Sugar Hill in 1974, Angel Heart In 1987, I walked with a zombie in 1943, even James Bond, of all people, dealt with voodoo in the 1973 fiasco Live and Let Die.

I'm not sure what was worse that movie or the song.

Worst Bond theme ever.

Oh, I like that James Bond guy.

I waited for my phone for weeks after that Timothy Dawson guy retired.

I was sure I would have made a great bond.

Do I really need to say anything, folks?

Do you think this guy would make a great bond?

He wouldn't even make a great crash test, dummy.

So Voodoo was popular in a bunch of old movies.

But what about today?

What about.

Now?

Voodoo has become a punchline now with grocery stores and gas stations selling potions, lucky money, candles and voodoo dolls, a noble belief system has been reduced to just another product on the shelf to sell to the gullible.

Way way.

People will buy this voodoo stuff.

Oh, yeah.

You can't walk down any street in New Orleans without seeing a shop selling mojo bags or good luck charms to gullible tourists.

There's big money in it.

Really big money, you say?

Oh yeah.

Sometimes people want to believe in things, especially unknown things.

Everyone likes to dance with the dark side every now and then.

For example, some tourist from East Central Illinois gets off the plane in the Big Easy, walks down Bourbon Street, sees a voodoo shop slash banana daiquiri store slash small appliance repair and thinks a souvenir from the edge of hell or really shock the folks back home.

So after a few drinks, they buy a monkey's paw or a chicken foot or maybe even a little jar dirt that the clerk swears is from the grave of a voodoo priestess.

They take it back home and they have a great story to tell the other gals in the typing pool about how they dabbled in the dark arts.

Grave yard dirt.

I could probably find some of that in my shoe.

A monkey foot or a chicken paw.

Hey, while they are watching this movie, do you.

Think you could get by me with by?

Without me for a while?

I need to go do some things.

Well, sure.

Take all the time you need.

See you in 2045 or even 2085.

Folks.

While he runs away and hopefully never comes back.

Let's get back to White Zombie here on Nightmare Theatre.

<b>(jungle drumming)</b> <b>- They are driving away</b> <b>evil spirits.</b> <b>- Close it!

Close it!</b> <b>- Mademoiselle!</b> <b>(organ playing </b> <b>"The Wedding March")</b> <b>- I love you, Madeline,</b> <b>more than anything else</b> <b>in this whole world, dear.

</b> <b>Heaven or Hell lies in this</b> <b>doorway for me!</b> <b>You can raise me up to paradise</b> <b>or you can blast my world</b> <b>into nothingness.</b> <b>There's time even yet, dear.</b> <b>I can make you the envy</b> <b>of every woman!</b> <b>I'd give my life </b> <b>to make you happy.</b> <b>Oh, listen to me, dear, </b> <b>before it's too late.</b> <b>- Don't, please!

</b> <b>- Don't go into that room!</b> <b>We can be in Port au Prince </b> <b>in half an hour.</b> <b>There's a boat</b> <b>sailing at midnight.</b> <b>- You've been so wonderful.</b> <b>Don't spoil everything, now.</b> <b>- One last gift before </b> <b>I lose you forever.</b> <b>- We are gathered together</b> <b>here in the sight of God</b> <b>and in the face of this company,</b> <b>to join together this man,</b> <b>this woman, in holy matrimony.</b> <b>Faith.

</b> <b>(sinister music)</b> <b>(vulture cries)</b> <b>- This night of nights!</b> <b>A toast to the bride,</b> <b>to beauty, as queen.</b> <b>- Gladly, my lord.</b> <b>Leave but a kiss </b> <b>within the glass,</b> <b>fair gypsy, read my fortune.</b> <b>- What do you see in the glass?</b> <b>- I see...</b> <b>...happiness.</b> <b>I see...</b> <b>...love.</b> <b>Far more than you can bear!</b> <b>- Is that all?

</b> <b>- No.</b> <b>I see...</b> <b>(ominous music)</b> <b>...I see...</b> <b>- What is it?

</b> <b>- I see...death!</b> <b>- Madeline!</b> <b>Madeline, what's wrong?</b> <b>Madeline, my dear, please!</b> <b>- Oh!</b> <b>No!</b> <b>- Madeline!

Madeline!</b> <b>Can't we do something?</b> <b>Dear!

Dear!</b> <b>Madeline!</b> <b>Not my wife!

My wife!</b> Oh, you're still with us.

Good.

It's so far, it's been a great night.

The movie's pretty good and Sapo's not here.

And that my friends, by any definition in or encyclopedia, is a grand and glorious thing.

Yeah, I don't.

I don't know where he is.

Here's some advice, Mittens.

When the universe delivers you a blessing, don't question it.

You just sit back and enjoy it.

The good times are so few and far between and they don't last long.

So let's take a breath.

And just in.

Sapo is the hoodoo man.

He got you with his smile.

You see what I mean?

Bad times linger forever and good times end quickly.

Boom shalaka laka boom, boss.

Boom shalaka laka boom, Mittens.

What are you doing?

Well, I am jumping on the voodoo bandwagon.

See, I fired.

Up the Commodore 64 down there in the sub sub sub sub sub basement.

And I took me an online course in voodoo studies.

And you passed?

No, I took an incomplete because I didn't want to ruin my GPA, but I think I got the hang of it sorta.

I already know a few spells.

No, no, you don't.

You just don't.

You don't.

You just wanted to put on that crazy get up and parade around in it.

You can't spell the word spell, much less cast some kind of spell.

You want me to make it rain?

No, no, no.

Make the flowers and the monkeys reveal their innermost secrets to you.

Certainly not.

Do you want to make the pea patch bloom early?

Do you want me Do you want me.

To viciously strike down someone you don't like or can't stand?

You'd be willing to cripple yourself just to prove this works?

Let me show you this one spell I have been working on.

Boss.

Do you like the pimento cheese?

No.

No, I didn't.

Well, you will never.

We will never have to buy pimento cheese again.

I know the spell that makes the cheese the most Pimento-iest!

Opp Eep Ork Aha Boom!

Oh, hello, guys.

My my, I feel a little muddled.

Good Lord, Sapo, look what you did.

That didn't work.

Where'd you know?

I must have said the words wrong or something.

Your spell transformed mittens back into his loud mouth human form Leonard Abernathy.

Present and accounted for.

Lads,I have the weirdest craving for pimento cheese.

Isn't it weird?

Do you guys ever get cravings?

I suspect we're all plagued by cravings once in a while.

I shudder to think the nature of Sapo's cravings Baron, I am sure your cravings are more cosmopolitan variety.

But for me it's pimento cheese.

Pimento cheese?

You said it.

I was closed.

Let me let me try again.

Let me try one more time.

Shut up.

The history of pimento cheese is as exciting as any Alfred Hitchcock film.

Oh, listen to this.

I'm listening.

In 1873, farmers in Philadelphia started mass producing a type of cream cheese.

Wait, wait.

I got a right to let me get a pen.

I had to write this down.

I had to write this.

Now, shut by.

The 1880s, this cheese was very popular in New York, which was a major import hub.

Spanish farmers were importing canned red peppers called pimentos, and many ships laden with canned pimentos were unloaded in the Port of New York.

Oh, to have been there among the hustle and bustle and hurly burly of early days of global pimento commerce.

The palpable excitement would have been as thick as the very cream cheese itself.

Those must have been great days.

I could have chronicled it all in an amazing book, or maybe even a movie had I only been there.

Heck yeah, that would have been a great book.

And you know what?

An even better.

Movie.

Stop it, Sapo!

Eventually, these two products were combined into a tantalizing taste treat.

So while it was actually invented in the North, many unlettered and uncultured people think it was invented in the South.

I thought it was, I thought it was, I thought it was.

Shut up and do some thing, Sapo!

But it wasn't.

Sure, people argue over where pimento cheese was invented.

And yes, there was a time when gentlemen settled matters of pimento cheese honor with pistols at 20 paces.

But I swear to you, it was invented in New York.

In 1908 Good Housekeeping printed one of the first recipes.

People all over the country found out about it, and voila, a national craze was born.

But boy, is it popular in the South.

Sapo, just make them go away.

Where are Boston baked beans from?

What do you know about German potato salad?

Where did that come from?

It was the Phoenicians, right?

It was the Phoenicians.

Stop encouraging them.

In fact, it's so popular in the south that's been called Southern Paté.

Carolina caviar wine conjures up images right out of a Eudora Welty novel or a Tennessee Williams play.

A family has gathered in the tea room or the parlor to enjoy pimento cheese sandwiches.

They eat them in silence as they each ponder their deepest secrets and darkest family scandals.

The matriarch of the family sits at the head of the table, takes a bite, clears her throat as she gets ready to confess to carnal sins that would make a sailor blush with shame.

She's about to tell them which of them is illegitimate and the product of a tawdry dalliance with a fellow from the other side of town.

But before she does, takes a moment to ponder the happy memories associated with pimento cheese.

I have a theory as to why pimento cheese is better in the South.

Tell us.

Tell us, tell us.

Tell us, tell us.

If you don't shut up.

Southern cooks made it better by adding mayo.

And mayo makes everything better.

Shut up.

In the South, pimento cheese was extremely popular in just about every socio economic sector.

Wait, where are my manners?

I've gone on and on about pimento cheese, and I haven't taken a moment to ask what interesting things you fellows are doing this eve.

Are you guys showing a movie tonight?

No.

No.

Sure we are.

But we're showing that White Knight or the Zombies or something like that, whatever you call it.

Oh, my.

Do you mean white zombie?

Directed by Victor Halperin and starring Madge Bellamy and Bela Lugosi.

Yes.

I like Bela, but you have to admit, this is his worst movie ever.

All he does is make funny faces.

Yes, he's right.

We are showing the white zombie Sapo.

Stop.

You brought us this movie and you brought this boob back.

You're going to have to do something.

Folks, let's get back to the movie as we try to figure this out.

Sapo, did you happen to notice that ridiculous beard Bela has in this film?

Start the movie now.

<b>- Pray for our Lord and savior,</b> <b>and the love of God,</b> <b>and the fellowship</b> <b>of his angels,</b> <b>be with us evermore.</b> <b>Amen.</b> <b>(tropical music)</b> <b>- Neil, Neil!</b> <b>Neil.

Neil!</b> <b>Neil, Neil!</b> <b>(wolf howls)</b> <b>- Look!</b> <b>Zombies!</b> <b>- Yes.</b> <b>They are my servants.</b> <b>Did you think we </b> <b>could do it alone?</b> <b>In their lifetimes</b> <b>they were my enemies.</b> <b>Ledot, a witch doctor.</b> <b>Once my master.</b> <b>Secrets, I tortured out of him.</b> <b>Von Gelder, the swine.</b> <b>Swollen with weakness.</b> <b>He fought against my spell</b> <b>up to the last.</b> <b>Even yet I have trouble </b> <b>fighting.</b> <b>Next to him, Picard,</b> <b>once Minister of the Interior.</b> <b>Claus, here, brigand chief.</b> <b>Marquise, captain of </b> <b>the Gendarmerie.</b> <b>And this, </b> <b>this is Chauvin.</b> <b>The High Executioner,</b> <b>who almost executed me!</b> <b>I took them,</b> <b>just as we will take</b> <b>this one.</b> <b>- But what if they regain </b> <b>their souls?</b> <b>- They would tear me to pieces.</b> <b>And that, my friend,</b> <b>shall never be.</b> <b>- Madeleine!</b> <b>- Madeline!</b> <b>- Madeline!

Madeline!</b> I hope you're enjoying tonight's White Zombie.

Such great music in this film.

I love music.

Whoopie.

Music makes everything great.

Just like that marinade stuff you said.

Just like mayonaise.

You better stop it.

Yes, music seems to make even the dullest, most pedestrian film much more thrilling and captivating.

This film uses music by greats as Wagner, Liszt and Kempinsky.

Any Glen Campbell or Ray Stevens, anything like that.

Not in this film, Sapo, but it does feature some great offerings by Gaston Borsch?

Are you familiar with Borsh?

No, we never.

Heard of that guy.

I am.

Yes.

Borsh was one of the three B's of photoplay music.

Photoplay music.

Sapo That's the music used in silent films to create mood.

Who were the other B's?

Who were.

They?

Let me guess.

Justin Bieber, Michael Bolton, Pat Benatar and Pat Buttram.

Garth Brooks and Pat Boone.

Chuck Berry and Bobby Blue Bland.

No dummy.

He's talking about Maurice Baron and Irene Berge.

Yeah.

Well done Baron.

You are certainly wiser than you look upon first glance.

That's game recognizing game.

by the way.

Such great musicians.

Talent comparable to my own, Baron.

Don't you feel that even on your worst day Music can cheer you right back up again?

Today is my worst day and no music ever written could bring me back from where I am right now.

Oh, I don't know.

Why if I were to get out my flute, I could play you a tune so joyful, your heart and feet were both dance You could do that.

Or I could sing a few acapella verses of your favorite song.

You know, Froggy Went a Courting?

Intimately.

That's not my favorite song.

Yes, it is.

While you were just humming it last night when I made that big bowl of caramel corn for you, I heard you humming it.

Lies, lies, lies.

Okay, okay.

Let me calm down.

This was supposed to be a good night.

Sapo, do something about this guy next to me.

Get you get.

Well, it didn't work.

My goodness.

Sapo, are you dabbling in voodoo now?

I was so far down the pimento cheese trail and I got so into the music of White Zombie that I failed to notice your voodoo accessories.

Where did you get that stuff?

Out of the dumpster at the flea market?

That stuff would look cheap and tacky, even in a Bert I. Gordon movie!

I'll have you know, I made it myself.

Well, I never figured you for a Hougan...

I am.

Just a little bit on my mother's side.

Sapo, do you even know what that word means?

No, sir, I do not.

But I know a little bit about voodoo.

I have very little bit, I bet.

What do you know about voodoo?

Of course I do.

Why, my dear Sapo I know there are all there is to know about voodoo.

I know reading isn't really your thing, but I could recommend some movies about voodoo if you'd like.

Hollywood has made some great films with Voodoo as a subplot.

Each one better than the last.

But the common trait of all the films is the clear and consistent.

Respect the writers show for the subject.

You know that's a lie.

Hollywood consistently insults the subject and treats it only like a cheap prop.

You might start with Live or Let Die.

That's a James Bond film and it's got car chases and boat chases and alligators.

Alligator chases and lots of voodoo.

You'd love it.

I'm not sure what was better, the movie or that great theme song.

Clearly the best Bond song ever lies.

Everyone knows the best Bond song was a view to a kill by Duran Duran.

No, wait, let me calm down.

This was supposed to be a good night, and it is all crashing and burning.

I have to think of a way out of this.

I got to that.

There's got to be a way to turn this around.

I just have to find a way.

I'm still ready.

With your favorite song.

Froggy went a courting and he did ride...

Sing it brother!

Shut up!

Keep on singing it brother!

Let's get back to White Zombie here on Nightmare Theatre.

Sword and pistol by his side.... <b>- There's two explanations</b> <b>that strike me.</b> <b>Either the body was stolen</b> <b>by members of a death cult</b> <b>that use human bones</b> <b>in their ceremonies,</b> <b>or else...</b> <b>- Or else, what?</b> <b>- She's not dead!</b> <b>- Not dead?</b> <b>Are you mad?</b> <b>I saw her die!</b> <b>The doctor signed</b> <b>the certificate.</b> <b>I saw them bury her!</b> <b>- Now, wait a minute.</b> <b>Wait a minute.

I'm not mad,</b> <b>but I have lived in these</b> <b>islands for a good many years.</b> <b>And I've seen things </b> <b>with my eyes</b> <b>that made me think I was crazy.</b> <b>There are superstitions in Haiti</b> <b>that the natives brought here </b> <b>from Africa.</b> <b>Some of them can be traced back</b> <b>as far as ancient Egypt,</b> <b>and beyond that, yet,</b> <b>in the country that was old</b> <b>when Egypt was young.</b> <b>- Yes, but what has that</b> <b>to do with Madeline?</b> <b>I kissed her as she lay </b> <b>there in the coffin.</b> <b>And her lips were cold!</b> <b>- Let me explain.</b> <b>Now, just a minute.</b> <b>I'll explain.</b> <b>Wherever there is</b> <b>a superstition,</b> <b>you will find there </b> <b>is also a practice.</b> <b>Now, do you remember what</b> <b>your driver told you</b> <b>the night he took you </b> <b>to Beaumont's house?</b> <b>- About those horrible </b> <b>creatures we saw?</b> <b>He said they were caught, </b> <b>and taken from that graves.</b> <b>- That's about it.</b> <b>That's the superstition!</b> <b>Now for the practice.</b> <b>The ghouls that steal the dead </b> <b>corpses from the graves,</b> <b>suppose they put them</b> <b>there in the first place.</b> <b>- Do you mean that Madeline </b> <b>was murdered,</b> <b>so that somebody could </b> <b>steal her dead body?</b> <b>Ah, nonsense!.</b> <b>No, not her, </b> <b>her body, yes, </b> <b>but not her dead body!</b> <b>That's what it was.</b> <b>- Surely you don't think she's</b> <b>alive in the hands of natives?</b> <b>Oh, no.

Better dead than that!</b> <b>- Excuse me, please.</b> <b>Have you got a match?</b> <b>- You don't believe that, </b> <b>do you?</b> <b>- There's beem lots of people</b> <b>that's been pronounced dead</b> <b>that came alive again, </b> <b>and lived for years.</b> <b>Now, if nature can play</b> <b>pranks like that,</b> <b>why isn't it possible to</b> <b>play pranks with nature?</b> <b>- Oh, I don't know.</b> <b>- Your driver</b> <b>believes he saw a dead man</b> <b>walking.</b> <b>He didn't.</b> <b>What he saw were men alive</b> <b>in everything but this.</b> <b>This.</b> <b>- Oh, the whole thing </b> <b>has me confused.</b> <b>I just can't understand it.</b> <b>- I don't blame you.</b> <b>I don't blame you,</b> <b>I've been trying for years to</b> <b>get to the bottom of this thing,</b> <b>to separate what you call</b> <b>fact from fiction.</b> <b>The law!</b> <b>The law of Haiti acknowledges</b> <b>the possibility of being </b> <b>buried alive.</b> <b>Here it is in the penal code.</b> <b>I'll read it for you.</b> <b>It's in French, do you </b> <b>speak French?</b> <b>- No.

</b> <b>- Excuse me, please, </b> <b>have you got a match?

</b> <b>- Right here, here's one.

</b> <b>- I'll translate it for you</b> <b>If you'll permit me.</b> <b>Article...</b> <b>...article 749.</b> <b>"The use...</b> <b>...the use of drugs</b> <b>or other practices</b> <b>which produce lethargic coma</b> <b>or lifeless sleep</b> <b>shall be considered</b> <b>attempted murder.

"</b> <b>Attempted!

</b> <b>- Yes.

I see.

Yeah.</b> <b>-All right, alright.</b> <b>"If the person has been</b> <b>buried alive,</b> <b>the act will be </b> <b>considered murder,</b> <b>no matter what result follows.

"</b> <b>- Beaumont!</b> <b>Say, you said that you </b> <b>couldn't understand</b> <b>why he was so interested in us.</b> <b>Do you think he did this?

</b> <b>- No.

No, I think it's </b> <b>native work.</b> <b>Native work, exactly!</b> <b>Of course, if you want to,</b> <b>we can go to Beaumont's</b> <b>house first.</b> <b>If I could get my hands</b> <b>on the devil that's </b> <b>responsible for this,</b> <b>and make him such an example</b> <b>that every witch doctor in Haiti</b> <b>will be shaking in his sandals.</b> <b>- But we can't do this alone!</b> <b>Can't the authorities help?</b> <b>-No, Neil, my boy.

</b> <b>You don't know these islands.</b> <b>The native authorities </b> <b>are afraid to meddle.</b> <b>But I'm not!</b> <b>I got friends among the natives.</b> <b>They tell me things that no</b> <b>gendarmes would ever get out.</b> <b>Because</b> <b>I'm a preacher.</b> <b>They think I'm a magician.</b> <b>Before we get through </b> <b>with this thing,</b> <b>we may uncover sins</b> <b>that even the Devil </b> <b>would be ashamed of.

</b> <b>Oh, these witch doctors!</b> Hello and welcome back to the Nightmare Theatre, where we're still dealing with a catastrophe here.

I need help.

Please.

Someone call the police or call Interpol.

Call anybody if you need help, all you need do is ask.

I am always ready to help.

Hey, hey, hey.

Maybe you can help me with my project.

Stop what you are doing.

I'm trying to get rid of this guy and you're asking him for help.

The boss.

You know, I've been working on that spell kit and he knows a lot about a lot of things.

And I was thinking, you know, he could help us out since he's here and all.

You know?

Good Lord.

Why, of course I am happy to help.

You're going about it all wrong way.

Sapo... Sapo, Sapo... You have to be serious about these things and put your soul and mind into it.

Soul.

And he doesn't have a mind.

And his soul is the soul property of Von Doren Global Industries.

Always a mad cab scheme, Sapo.

You're always dressing up in costumes, playing silly games, hiding out in treetops.

Shouting out rude names.

I do shout a lot He's got me pig there.

But you have to have a flow.

Flow.

A groove, a groove, a smoother manner.

Like me.

I see you have some stuff over there.

I want to hear your sales pitch.

Sell it to me, Sapo.

Pick up that idol.

Don't you say a word.

Don't say a word.

Are you tired of voodoo kits that promise you the world but give you nothing?

And how many times have your spells backfired.

I know of at least one time.

You try to turn your frog into a car, and all you get is warts and a broken foot That doesn't make any sense at all.

The magic words never do what they claim they are going to do.

You say them and say them, but nothing ever happens.

Well, now there is a reason to shimmy in the streets and dance in fields.

Von Doren Industries is proud to present.

The only voodoo kit personally endorsed by the Baron Mondo Von Doren.

1084 01:10:01,397 --> 01:10:03,966 I didn't endorse anything.

Sapo, please stop.

Yeah, for once I agree with them.

Stop it.

My goodness, Sapo, that was not good.

That was not good at all.

You were the worst pitch man I have ever seen.

I used to work for QVC, so I think I know a little bit about what I'm saying and I know a lot about being a pitch man.

Do you really think you could do better?

Because I'll take all the help I can get.

Stop it!

Stop!

Oh, stop it.

Why, I could be in a vegetative coma and I'd still be a better pitch man than you are.

Well, you couldn't sell a banana to a hungry.

ape.

You know, that's a lot harder than you think it is.

Apes are shrewd businessmen.

Just when you.

Think they are ready to sign on the dotted line.

Bam!

They start with the flinging.

They wouldn't fling anything at me except for praise and glory.

I'm the world's greatest pitchman.

I could sell water to a fish.

A pitch man?

Wait a minute.

I'm starting to get an idea.

Yeah, this just might work, folks.

While these two buffoons banter over who's the better barker, let's get back to White Zombie here on Nightmare Theatre.

I could have sold that line better.

Good.

Really good.

<b>(waves crashing)</b> <b>(Madeline playing piano)</b> <b>- Madeline.

</b> <b>Foolish things.</b> <b>They can't bring back the light</b> <b>to those eyes.</b> <b>I was mad to do this.</b> <b>But if you just smiled on me,</b> <b>I'd have done anything for you,</b> <b>given you anything.</b> <b>I thought that beauty </b> <b>alone would satisfy.</b> <b>But the soul is gone!</b> <b>I can't bear those </b> <b>empty staring eyes!</b> <b>Oh, forgive me, Madeline, </b> <b>forgive me!</b> <b>I can't bear it any longer!</b> <b>I must take you back!</b> <b>- Back to the grave?

</b> <b>- No!

You must put the </b> <b>life back into her eyes</b> <b>and bring laughter to her lips.</b> <b>She must be gay and happy again.</b> <b>- You paint a charming picture,</b> <b>Monsieur.</b> <b>One that I should like </b> <b>to see myself.</b> <b>- You must bring her back!</b> <b>- Aren't you a trifle afraid,</b> <b>Monsieur?

</b> <b>How do you suppose</b> <b>those eyes will regard you</b> <b>when the brain is able</b> <b>to understand.</b> <b>- Better to see hatred in them</b> <b>and that dreadful emptiness.</b> <b>- Perhaps you're right.</b> <b>It would be a pity to destroy</b> <b>such a lovely flower.</b> <b>Let's drink to the future</b> <b>of this flower!</b> <b>A glass of wine?</b> <b>- Silver!

Bring wine!</b> <b>We have a toast to drink.</b> <b>- To the future, Monsieur!</b> <b>Only a pinpoint, Monsieur.</b> <b>in a flower, </b> <b>or perhaps a glass of wine?</b> <b>- You devil!</b> <b>What are you trying to do to me?</b> <b>- I have other plans</b> <b>for mademoiselle,</b> <b>I am afraid you might not agree.</b> <b>I have taken a fancy </b> <b>to you, Monsieur.</b> <b>- Silver!</b> <b>Silver!</b> <b>Don't, don't!</b> <b>(Silver screams) </b> <b>- To the future, Monsieur!</b> <b>(vulture caws)</b> <b>- A vulture?

</b> <b>You!</b> <b>No!</b> <b>Not that.

Not that!</b> You don't see Ronald McDonald anymore because Grimace and his family rubbed him out.

That's what I heard.

You know, I.

Heard the same thing.

Somebody told me something about that.

Yeah, yeah, it's what happened.

But what about the Hamburglar.

Hey hey hey don't besmirch the Hamburglar.

That guy might be a thief, but he's no killer.

And welcome back, everyone.

We're down here again in the sub sub sub, uh, sub basement.

Once again with a mysterious curator from the Merrill Movie Museum.

And normally he brings us something in from the Merrill Movie Museum.

But tonight, we brought something from the Van Doren collection.

This is yours?

Yes, this belongs to me.

How come you never let me try it on?

Because you just like everything else, you'll break it and make it horrible.

So do you recognize this?

What film this might come from?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

This is from.

Robin Hood, the seminal Ed Wood classic, Plan Nine from Outer Space.

Conventionally thought of as the worst film of all time.

Although I disagree, I don't think it's the worst film of all time by any stretch.

If they've ever watched our show, they've certainly seen worse films than Plan nine from outer space.

I mean, this man is two hands of fate come to mind.

But this is this is actually a costume from the film.

It was used it was worn by Bunny Breckinridge, who played the emperor of the universe.

And he was the kind of guy that was sitting at command.

And if, you know, Bunny, he's a little flamboyant.

He's a little interesting.

And so it plays a great part in the film, very visible in the movie.

And it's it's not really something that was created for the film.

A lot of times we see costumes on on the show that the curator brings us were made for the film itself, but this was actually rented from a company called Western Costume that's been in business.

How long?

Since since 1912.

So basically as long as there has been a motion picture business, there has been a Western costume.

They're still in business, still.

Yeah.

And this still does have the Western costume label in it.

So but but it's, it's from one of my very favorite films, as I mentioned, the Plan nine from Outer Space, directed by the Edward D. Wood Jr. And it features again very prominently, but so do you.

Can you give us some insight on like costuming?

Like are there certain films where they I mean, obviously they have a costume department who creates all the costumes, but for a lower budget film or for a no budget film as plan nine from outer space was that renting these costumes is probably the way to go.

Yeah, that's very, very common.

When Western is not the only costume house, but it's definitely the most famous and the most long lived where they would just have stocks and stocks of costumes.

My suit's a rental.

I believe you probably are about four years behind on returning it to too.

but yeah, something like this, you can probably guess.

It was probably made for something that was more set like in medieval times, like a movie with knights or something like that.

You see kind of tabard ring on it.

Looks like a.

And Ed Wood just kind of making it fit because he was probably able to get it for a very cheap rental.

Because Ed Wood was notorious cheap as a film maker.

I don't know if people or a lot of people know his films, so you should definitely go and check them out.

You know, things like Bride of the Monster Plan nine from Outer Space, Glen or Glenda, which is a complete filmmaking experience.

You'll just really enjoy that one if you watch it.

But but yeah, this was, this was featured in the film.

Worn by Bunny Breckinridge and then probably taken back to Western costume.

And may have been used in other films.

You don't know because that's what a company like Western does.

They have a vast storehouse of costumes that could fit any time period, any genre film.

And they do they do get reused or sometimes they just sit there in storage until somebody wants it or they decide they don't need it anymore.

And then it gets out onto the market and eventually drifts into your hands.

And I believe this originally came from some of the research I can't confirm or deny or what I figured out altogether.

But there's a lot of people that say this came from the film Ivanhoe originally that was used for background and then a western western costume created it for that film and then was renting it out to other films.

And that's how Ed Wood came to get it.

Ed Wood an interesting character.

Probably the the maybe the first and only cross-dressing director we know of in film history who, you know, he made a film, as we talked about earlier, Glen or Glenda, about that issue.

At a time when that was not discussed, he made a film about a man who was a transvestite, and Ed himself had a fetish for Angora we've learned that over the years he.

Would just made out of Angora?

It's not made out of Angora.

He didn't make this one.

He didn't buy this one.

He just rented it, as we've already talked about.

But yeah.

So yeah, it was.

It.

To me it's priceless.

I don't know how much it would actually be worth nowadays, but to me it's priceless.

I'll give you ten bucks right now.

You're not getting it.

It's from one of my favorite films of all time.

And you can find another great film to watch if you want to learn more about Ed Wood is the Tim Burton film from 1994.

Ed Wood, that was about his life, career and and it's a bit fictionalized, but still and there's a great book by Rudolph Gray called Nightmare and Ecstasy, which is about Edward's life.

He's a he's a very interesting guy.

And something that if you watch our show and you enjoy the movies, we show which animal how you could then you might want to learn more about Ed Wood.

And Bunny Breckinridge, who wore the costume, of course, played by Bill Murray in the Ed Wood film.

So we're going to get back to the film we're showing tonight here on Night Theatre.

And I am going to put this on one day, folks.

I'm going to put it on.

<b>- We oughta be pickin' up </b> <b>an old witch doctor </b> <b>around here pretty soon.</b> <b>His name is Pierre.</b> <b>I've known him for years.</b> <b>He's a great old fella.

</b> <b>I don't know just where</b> <b>we'll find him.

</b> <b>(birds squawking)</b> <b>- Come, son!

There are </b> <b>evil spirits in the road.

</b> <b>I will give you</b> <b>an awanga, </b> <b>and here is one.</b> <b>for the ox.</b> <b>Young man, </b> <b>he's sick with fever!</b> <b>-Yeah.

Okay.

Wait a minute.</b> <b>We can't afford to </b> <b>have you sick!</b> <b>Neil, why don't you go </b> <b>over there?

</b> <b>We got a hard day</b> <b>before us tomorrow.</b> <b>Now then, Pierre.

Come on.</b> <b>He's gone, we can talk.</b> <b>- It is a dangerous thing</b> <b>you ask me to do.</b> <b>- Now, listen here.</b> <b>You're an old friend,</b> <b>and I want to go on.</b> <b>- Turn back before </b> <b>it gets too late!</b> <b>- Oh, no.</b> <b>I've come too far</b> <b>to turn back now.</b> <b>- I'm too old to go </b> <b>all this way with you.

</b> <b>- Well, listen.</b> <b>Can you get somebody </b> <b>to go with us?

</b> <b>- My people all afraid</b> <b>of the mountain!</b> <b>- Why?</b> <b>- Because it is called</b> <b>the land of the living dead!</b> <b>- But have you ever been there?</b> <b>- I am the only man</b> <b>that ever came from there</b> <b>alive!</b> <b>There is an evil spirit man</b> <b>that is called "Murder"!

</b> <b>Come!

I will tell you</b> <b>all about what to do.

</b> Hello and welcome back.

We're still dealing with a red level DEFCON five emergency here, but I think I have a plan.

What do you need me to do?

Do you need a ladder?

Do you need some sort of liniment?

No.

I just need you to do what you always do.

Stand there and look stupid.

That's going to be hard, but I'll give it a shot.

Okay, so.

So.

So, Leonard, you were telling me about being a pitchman.

Anyone could sell one on one.

Have you ever worked in front of an audience?

Of course.

Well, I was quite the musical maven in my dance hall days.

Really.

I have you know, I did three shows a week at the Grand Palace Theater in Kalamazoo.

Oh, big deal.

I did four shows a day at the Chicago Zoo till the Baron here busted me out of that monkey cage.

I told you to be quiet.

I bet the Baron laments the day he freed you from that primate paddock.

Every day.

I've worked in front of crowds all over the world, from Anaheim to Alexandria, from Tupelo to Tel Aviv.

If a town has a stage, I've been on it.

Yeah, yeah.

We all know you can cut a rug, and we all know you're quite a dramatic actor.

But do you really think you would make a convincing pitchman?

I mean, we have a ton of products to sell, and we need a good pitchman.

Boss, boss.

That's my job.

That's my.

Job.

You're demoted to assistant shill, third class.

How about it, Leonard?

Do you think you want you want to partner up with us?

Can can you really sell products?

I've worked my way across the USA during the Depression selling all sorts of brushes, salves, calmatives, ointments, curatives and laxatives.

Put me down for one of each.

Wow.

See, you've already sold Sapo.

There has never been a product I can't pitch.

I bet I could even sell the Pope a double bed.

Really?

Say, I wonder.

Uh oh, go ahead.

It's been a bad night.

Do you want to have some fun?

I am always up for a trick, Henry.

Tomfoolery.

Monkeyshines, shenanigans and high jinks.

Why do you think humor is what sets us apart?

Excellent!

Sapo hand me anything.

Anything at all.

Okay, let me see what I got.

Oh...

Here you go, boss.

Thanks.

Why do you have that?

Never mind.

Leonard, Sapo and I are going to step back, show me what you can do with this can.

Just have fun with it.

Sell it to us really?

Just really, really sell it to us.

Boss, what are we doing here?

Silence.

Just trust me on this Sapo.

All right, here we go.

I need you to come over here and get pitch right to the cameras and sell this item.

Well, I was not prepared for an audition, but I am very good at improvization.

Did I tell you about the time I worked in Chicago with an improv with Lillian Gish and Matt and Moreland?

Oh, now.

I'd love to hear about that later, but right now I want you to sell me that can really sell it to me.

Prepare yourself.

Yeah, yeah.

Three, two, one go.

Hi.

I'm Leonard Abernathy for Von Doren products.

Oh, he's very good, boss.

Shut up.

I'd like to take a moment to talk you about an exciting brand new product from our friends at Von Doren industries.

Corn!

Yellowist of the yellow foods.

As yellow as the very life giving sun itself.

Often called maze by our indigenous brothers and sisters.

But whatever you call it, you'll call it delicious and nutritious, whether you like it.

Salted in a bowl, buttered on the cob, cream style in a soup, roasted in foil, or simply right out of the can, partially open with a spoon Sapo style corn will never let you down.

And scene.

Boss, I'm going to run out right now and get us some more corn.

He is amazing.

That was excellent, Leonard.

Naturally.

Let me try again.

Oh, I don't think we have time for to do it.

Sapo, hand me something.

Where do you.

Where did you get that?

I stole it from that guy down in the sub sub sub sub basement.

Where the heck is my mouthwash?

Perfect.

Watch this.

This is going to be great.

Shut up, you!

Ladies.

Have you noticed husband doesn't get as close to you as he used to?

Boss, I notice you don't get too close to me anymore.

Maybe I need some of what he is selling.

Has the distance between you and the other people suddenly increased.

Does it seem like people take a step back when they talk to you?

Ten steps in my case.

Will you shut up?

If so, I'd like to present a brand new mouthwash from Von Doren Industries.

It's a wonderful product, so rich and rewarding that only a voice as rich and rewarding as my own is fit to describe it.

Oh, okay, that's enough.

Great, great.

You can improv... With the beste of them... Can follow a script?

I sure can.

To be a great actor or performer, you have to put your trust in the director and his vision, even if you know the vision is wrong.

In fact, I had a conversation with Billy Wilder about this once and he said my views were so advanced.... That's a wonderful story, I'm sure.

Say, here's an idea, let's get back to the movie.

And while the folks at home are watching it, I'll work up a little scene for you to do.

I'll direct you and you can perform.

You're going to write a scene, boss.

Is there a part for me in it?

Will you shut up?

Can I be the.

Guy that slaps the boards together twice and yells action!

Shut up.

Oooh can I run the boom mic?

Can I run that thing with all them words on it?

Oh, can I be the hair and makeup girl?

My hair and makeup are always just fine, I was Helen Curtis' Hair Boy of the year back in... Well, both of you just shut up.

Trust me on this, Saffo.

I have an idea.

Folks try to enjoy White Zombie while I write a great scene for the world's greatest pitchman.

You wrote a scene.

For me, boss.

I think he means me, Sapo.

I do.

I certainly do.

Enjoy the movie, folks.

<b>(vulture caws)</b> <b>- Vultures!</b> <b>Just as old Pierre said.

</b> <b>A cloud of vultures</b> <b>always hovers over the house</b> <b>of the living dead.</b> <b>- Madeline!</b> <b>Is she there?</b> <b>Oh, I must go.

and-</b> <b>- No, no, Neil, my boy, </b> <b>Please lie down and rest.

</b> <b>Please.

</b> <b>You'll feel stronger</b> <b>in the morning.

</b> <b>You rest.</b> <b>Let me go up</b> <b>and see what I can do.</b> <b>(islanders singing softly)</b> <b>- Why is she so </b> <b>restless tonight?</b> <b>- Perhaps she remembers </b> <b>something.</b> <b>- They never remember anything</b> <b>when they are like that.

</b> <b>- No?</b> <b>- The past is cut off!</b> <b>(islanders singing)</b> <b>- Madeline!</b> <b>Madeline!</b> <b>- No!</b> <b>I can't, I can't!</b> <b>- You must.

It's your turn.

</b> <b>- Let's run away!</b> <b>- Shh!</b> <b>He might hear you!</b> <b>- Oh, I can't stand it!</b> <b>I'm going to run away!</b> <b>- He'll find you, and make </b> <b>you like her!</b> <b>(islanders singing)</b> Hello and welcome back, folks.

I hope you're enjoying white zombie.

As for us, we've been busy as bees around here.

Bees, the busiest of the insects.

keepers of the honey masters of the hives.

They help pollinate the flowers.

We could learn a lot from the noble Bee.

They're very social, you know.

Well, I fell into a beehive once, and they might have been so social, but they sure as heck aint friendly.

Will you stop!

Oh Sapo, I could talk about the bees until the cows come home.

But I believe the Baron said something about a scene.

I sure did.

I think I've prepared the ultimate test of your abilities.

The guys in the control room are ready.

The script is loaded.

We've got the lighting just right.

I am ready for my close up, Baron.

I'm sure you are.

Before we begin, we just have to get the microphone levels right.

Yes, we must capture my voice.

In all its ambient glory.

Anything particular you'd like me to say?

Yes.

Just watch the monitors and read what you see.

It's just a bunch of nonsense words that allows us to capture every consonant and vowel in one sentence.

It's a sound thing.

Get that little idle thing you had ready.

You me to knock them over the head with it or something?

No, just shake it when he starts reading.

But how do you want me to shake.

Am I mad?

Am I happy?

Am I hungry?

Just shake it or I'm going to shake you.

I'm Sorry.

I want you to shake it.

To see.

You know, to see how you handle distractions.

Just read what's on the monitor.

Oh, his shaking won't bother me.

I am a steady as a rock, as dependable as the tide.

Yeah, yeah.

Just.

Just read.

Okay.

Here we go.

Shake it, shake the thing.

Boom.

Aha Ork Eep Oop!

How did you do that?

Elementary.

It was a simple spell cast by a simple man In many cases, the reversal is to say the words of the spell in reverse order.

I'm surprised I didn't see it earlier.

The good thing is that he's gone and I'll never come back.

He'll never return!

Folks, We might as well get back to White Zombie.

The night's almost over, I promise.

Dang it.

He never did.

Tell me about German potato salad.

You shut up and watch the movie.

Okay.

Folks, here's the end of White Zombie.

Hopefully we can salvage at least some part of tonight.

<b>- Can you still hear me?</b> <b>It is unfortunate you are </b> <b>no longer able to speak.</b> <b>I should be interested to hear</b> <b>you describe your symptoms.</b> <b>You see, you are the first man </b> <b>to know what is happening.</b> <b>None of the others did.</b> <b>You refused to shake hands once.</b> <b>I remember.</b> <b>Well, well.

</b> <b>We understand each other</b> <b>better now.</b> <b>- Madeline!</b> <b>- Madeline!</b> <b>Madeline!</b> <b>Madeline!</b> <b>I've found you!

</b> <b>You're alive!

Alive!</b> <b>What's the matter?</b> <b>It's I, Neil!</b> <b>Oh, my darling.</b> <b>What have they done to you?</b> <b>Who are you?</b> <b>And what are they?

</b> <b>For you, my friend, </b> <b>they are the angels of death.</b> <b>- Down!

Zombies!

Down!</b> <b>Look!</b> <b>- Madeline!</b> <b>Don't you know me, dear?</b> <b>It's Neil!</b> <b>- I could swear </b> <b>for a moment she recognized you.</b> <b>Come on!

Don't let him get away!</b> <b>(coughing)</b> <b>(vulture screeches)</b> <b>(Legendre screams)</b> <b>(vulture screeches)</b> <b>- Madeline, my darling.</b> <b>- Neil!

I- I dreamed!

</b> <b>- Excuse me, please.</b> <b>Have you got a match?

</b> Well, that was that.

Sorry you had to witness this depressing spectacle tonight.

Folks, we didn't really get to talk about white zombie, which is a shame, because it really isn't that bad of a movie.

Tonight's just been awful.

You know, we have had a crazy night.

And you know what?

I can't help but feel just a little bit responsible for what happened tonight.

A little.

This is all your fault.

You bring us a fairly good movie for once than you dabble in voodoo and cause the blabbermouth to come back.

You did all of this.

Oh, when you put it that way... What other way could I put it?

Sapo, you have to learn to stay in your own horribly lonely lane.

Just focus on bringing us movies.

That's it.

Just the movies.

Speaking of that, what movie do we have for next week?

We have this boss.

Don't don't look in the basement.

The makers of the last house on the left warn you again.

To avoid fainting.

Keep repeating.

It's only.

A movie.

Only a movie.

Only a movie.

Don't look in the basement... Sapo, do you have that can of corn?

Why, indeed I do.

Well, give it to me.

We aint got a can opener, boss.

Well, I'm not going to eat it.

I'm going to bust it over your fat head.

That's it for tonight.

I'm sorry you had to witness what you witnessed tonight, but again, it was all Sapo's fault.

Things were going great until Sapo had to poke his nose in Marie Leaveau's business.

I don't know if voodoo curses are real or not.

I don't know if it's luck or something that just happens to us or if we have a hand in creating our own luck.

I do know that ever since I met this guy, it's been nothing but bad luck and misfortune.

Look what happened tonight.

Maybe voodoo is just superstition, but just to cover all bets, I'm going to call a special friend in the Home Office who specializes in curses.

If Sapo wants to play Mr. Voodoo man, two can play that game.

Who?

Boss, boss?

You ain't going to turn me into some kind of poison ivy or some hoppin toad, are you?

Oh, you're going to wish you were a toad when I get through with you.

So, folks, until next time, may all your dreams be nightmares.

<b>(thunder crashing)</b> <b>(creepy music playing)</b> I hope you're enjoying whatever movie it is we're showing tonight.

I forgot.

I seem to be here alone.

I know Mittens was going off to get groomed and I don't know where else, I guess.

Come on, pal.

Just.

Just keep moving.

Just keep moving.

Hey, boss.

I caught a whistle breeches here out in the parking lot.

I don't know who this guy is.

Whistle purchased.

This is no whistle breeches.

No whistle breeches.

This.

This is actor Alex Heid.

White.

What are you doing here?

Alex is here.

Yeah, that guy.

Well, this in the fall of 1988.

I got a break that started a great run.

The work did you for the fault.

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

Roger Corman you've heard of.

Yeah.

Concord new variety.

Very well.

Well, the studio saying studio here in parentheses as this actually was a lot in the old home of Venice Lumber.

This is a good book.

I found.

It.

Found it.

Did you?

So, Alex, let's talk a little bit about that because it was a you started working with Roger Corman, which.

I got my early breaks.

Yes.

It's sort of a bad word around here.

But after the movies we've seen from him.

But but one of the big turning points in your life, in your career and sort of a moment that kind of was a blessing and a curse, I guess, was when Roger Corman decided he was making The Fantastic Four.

So can you tell us a little bit about how you got involved with that?

I'd done a couple of films.

In fact, I would just stumbled upon that section.

I'd done a couple of films for Roger in the early days, some, you know, kind of late eighties.

It was one was called time trackers.

It was kind of a Willow knockoff.

Roger Corman kind of made his Oh, yes, we have Mad Men.

Well, I'm sorry about the whistle britches.

Yeah, you know.

No, I think that's fine.

Thank you.

I'm Roger.

Sort of was very good at taking popular films and making sort of, you know, drive in bootleg versions of him.

And I was so close to getting the part of Mad Mart again in Willow that obviously went to Val, who really deserved it right in the beginning, that when the chance do time trackers came along, it was right in my right, right up right up my alley.

So I was thankful for Roger.

He'd given me some nice parts, and when Fantastic Four came along, they needed to do in a hurry.

And I'm kind of good at one audition with a couple of people who are who are the decision makers.

And it came together very quickly and, you know, it further reinforced the fact that I've, you know, spent most of my career giving mediocre performances in lousy films.

So, you know, yeah.

So let's talk a little bit about the making of that film, because you guys really put your heart and soul into making that movie and then things didn't go as you had planned, you know?

Mike, is it?

Yeah.

Hi.

Thanks for having me.

The funny thing about the Fantastic Four is it probably is a better story because it was never released in the conventional way, you know, because it was made as, like you said, like almost like a bootleg version of what it could become.

And it was intended be good enough to kindle, rekindle or create interest in a major version, but not good enough to be released and stand on its own feet.

And it kind of that's where it lived.

And Roger Corman being such a savvy guy, you know, he's going to make a movie.

He's going to use short ends, he's going to use creaky sets.

But it's going to come out just to the point where, you know, it might be worth releasing.

You know, it's like right about here, you see.

Yeah, if it can get through here, then he'll release it.

And, you know, he made his whole he made his whole reputation on it.

He never lost a dime on a movie.

Even the one that didn't get released because he got paid to to make it.

And Christopher Columbus inherited the project at Fox and very clever producers.

They sort of used our movie as a leverage point, almost like blackmail.

If you don't make The Fantastic Four, we're going to release this one.

That blackmailed a lot of people.

And each of you.

Yes.

Yes.

I never got a movie made with you.

I get myself in trouble.

But you had fun at the time.

But you know, the Fantastic Four lives on and it started in infamy.

But, you know, they've had very they've had great trouble with that franchise.

And so, you know, I'm thankful it was weird.

You know, you never know in this business as an actor or filmmaker or a creative man, it maybe any of any sort, you never know the validity of a of your of your work.

You're you never really know.

It's up to the to the audience.

You know, it's like a live show.

It's up to the audience to tell you if it was any good or not.

It doesn't have to go perfect.

So it was a great lesson in, like you say, lead with your heart.

And I think that's a very important thing for an actor to do.

We we we can get sidetracked by trying to lead with the brain, by trying to figure everything out.

But the best the best things happen.

The heart.

And did you because the film obviously was never released.

And then but it did start showing up in bootleg versions of conventions and things like.

And you guys did some conventions, in fact.

Yeah.

And did did the fans respond to you there?

Did you get that positive feedback there from the conventions?

You know, I was like a grassroot politician discovering where, what, what, where the message hit.

It was really very interesting.

And the one thing about Roger, which is always, as I'll always say, that, you know, it was never, never necessarily intended to be buried is that he gave me 100 No.

1000 publicity stills to go out.

And we went to New York.

We went to some comic book conventions.

We went to conventions, and we did a thing that is the lifeblood of any traveling troupe or performer.

We went out on the road and found an audience and the audience were around comic book stores.

Or they would they would seek us out.

All we had to do was sort of advertising camp and we'd have a line of two, 300.

We showed a trailer of the film and then it would start to show up in convention locations and you'd go for $10.

You buy a bootleg.

And, you know, it was lousy because it was second or third generation.

But, you know, funnily enough, our wonderful director who lives in New Orleans, only somehow he found he got himself a copy of the film.

What at that time was, what, 94, a high resolution copy?

I think it was called VHS, see, and not even three quarter.

And that somehow became DVD and Blu ray.

And so now you look at the film and it's actually pretty you know, it's a pretty good quality.

It's a crazy story, you know, and it's and me so much in terms of you never know where lightning's going to strike.

You know, sometimes it sometimes it kills, sometimes it gooses you or frizzy or or inspires you.

But for a while there, it was something that we were supposed to be, I wouldn't say ashamed of, but that we weren't supposed to be sort of proud of it, you know.

And the industry has grown up.

The ability to make independent films has become so, I would say, democratized that this individual work stands out, I think, just as much because it's flawed.

And the original Fantastic Four, our you know, they're nothing if not kind of flawed characters in search of of their place in the world.

And so I hope that Fox, which I guess Disney probably owns it now, it would be wonderful for Disney and Marvel to sort of maybe try to incorporate that kind of element in the story.

Don't try to make everything so good.

I'll be a bunch of misfits.

And of course, you've.

Come to the right place.

You come to the right place.

And of course, you know you need to have some of the original cast.

Yes, of course.

I mean.

Well, in a role as maybe a scientist or something.

And I think that.

Guy walks around parking lots.

You can find someone there.

Yeah, a guy.

Guy rides around parking lots.

A guy just reading his book.

I mean, you know, I'm a book about the Fantastic Four, and I'd like to interview you, Mr. Richards.

Well, yes, please.

Come on.

It's a bit of a stretch, but I think we could make it work.

Well, thank Alex.

I'm sorry that I'll Sapo accosted you in the hallway, but let's make sure we show everyone the book so they can go and get their own copy.

Nice to.

Meet you.

Thank you.

Called in the volume My Life in Film and TV.

And the volume is in fact a digital term that they use now for motion capture filmmaking.

You're no longer just in the shot.

You're either in the volume or in my case, when I'm done, they say, Alex, can you just get out of the volume, please, because we need it.

Well, thank you so much, Alex.

We're going to we're going to get back to this film here on Nightmare Theater, and it's probably not even going to be as good as The Fantastic Four, but but we're going to watch it anyway.

Just get back to the film.

Am I in this?

No.

Portugal pal.

Come on, come on.

Don't release the dogs on him this time.

I don't.

Really see.

Myself.

To like Napoleon Dynamite.

Where the heck is my mouthwash?

Where the heck is my mouthwash?

Perfect.

Perfect.