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I remember talking with Billy and he said something about he was walking down
the street here and a guy started whistling at him. . . He was young.
He was around 18, 19. I looked at him and I said, "Billy, you're gay." He
said, "No, I'm not." I said, "Yeah, you are. Just deal with it. Work it out.
Just don't push it on anybody."
Just the way he carried himself, the way he acted, and the conversations that
we would have. But I never pushed him away. How could I? He knew I was
there. . .
He just really didn't know how to deal with it. I told him to go with his
heart. I said, "Listen to Mom and Dad, but you do what's in your heart. Be
true to yourself." He and I both were, eventually. I got engaged at one time.
He got engaged. But we weren't true to our hearts.
Yeah. We wanted the family's respect. We'd do anything we could to make sure
that they knew that we loved them, and we didn't want to do anything with
disrespect.
It was very hard living a lie. Billy tried several times. I tried once, and I
said, "I can't do it." I knew for years. This is me. I love you all, but
I've got to be me. Billy tried several times, because he loves Mom and Daddy,
and he had that respect for them. I had respect for them too, but I just had
to be me.
Yeah. He was happy, but as far as having a relationship, he would never have
that. He put that on the back burner.
To know them is to love them. It took a long time for them to accept me. I
think it's a little different because I'm the baby girl. . . My daddy really is
a good man, but he wanted all his boys to be boys, and tough. In his own way,
Billy was tough, but not to the macho excess. . .
No, I'm comfortable with it. I always have been. Some in the family haven't
been comfortable, but they're going to know me, like they knew Billy. And they
miss out on a lot of things. We're good people. We're no different, just
because we love somebody of the same sex. . . We all love our family, always
have, always will. And Billy did, too, very much.
Yes, ma'am.
No, ma'am.
Just love one another. Everybody's got their own ways of interpreting the
Bible. And God knows, I can be wrong. I've been wrong before. But the way I
see it, God loves everybody. Billy and I talked about that. I said, "You do
what's good for you." I wouldn't tell him, "You got to be this." Just, "Do
what feels right for you, Billy. Do what's in your heart."
Yes, ma'am.
I can't quote the scripture, but there was a point in there about man with man.
He said, "How do I deal with that?" I said, "You got a preacher. Talk with
your preacher. That's the best I can tell you." It does say that. . . . I
said, "Talk to the man upstairs. He'll give you the answers." So I guess He
gave Billy the answers. That's the way I see it. But like I said, I can be
wrong.
I think so. But he's learned to accept more. He doesn't turn away. This has
opened a lot of our eyes. And it's a heck of a way to open them. . . .
Yes, ma'am, he was. I didn't know what to tell him, other than what I told
him. I tried to help him as much as I could, without saying, "Do this. Forget
the Bible." You don't do that. You have to talk to the man upstairs, read the
Bible over and over again if you have to, talk with somebody, and handle it.
Like I said, he dealt with it and he lived with it.
Yes, ma'am. Oh, Billy had his Bible right beside his bed.
I got my Bible. Just because you're gay don't mean that you don't believe in
the man upstairs. You got to, or you wouldn't be here. . . . He's helped all
of us through a lot. Daddy said, "Before you get to heaven, you're going to
have to forgive Mullins and Butler, so you can see Billy." That one's hard. .
. .
I want to see them face to face, eye to eye. I want them to tell me the truth.
I don't think the truth came out in the trial. Some of it really just doesn't
make sense. The area where they supposedly went and jumped Billy--Billy Jack
would never have taken his vehicle there. Billy Jack loved his little car.
Billy Jack would never have driven his car to where it happened. It is so
ironic for them to take Billy's life and then take his car. It's like, let's
go ahead and get rid of everything he loved. . . . I just want to see them.
I want them to look me eye to eye and tell me, because the truth didn't come
out.
Billy had been talking to me about two guys from Fayetteville that wanted to do
things, and he didn't want to do it. And I said, "Well, don't do it. Stay
away from them." He said, "Well, I gave them rides because they were drunk and
they couldn't get home. And they won't leave me alone."
No. Billy Jack--he never mentioned names to anybody . . .
They wanted to have a threesome. And Billy's never been that way. It's always
one on one. He's told us that plenty of times--he'll go one on one but not
with nobody else. Billy Jack was careful. But I know. My heart tells me.
Billy wanted to tell me more, but he told me just enough. . . .
The ones that killed him. And I say "they" because Butler was there. He
didn't help Billy at all. . . .
Billy talked about a dirt road, how he had to take them home, and he didn't
really like going down the dirt road because of his car. . . .
Yeah. . . . Because I thought he was a skinhead wannabe.
He hated gay people--he said so himself. . . . Billy didn't push the issue.
He pushed the issue. I really feel if I could ever talk to him face to face,
I'll get it out of him, one way or the other. . . .
I'd just tell him, "Just be careful. Don't do something stupid. Watch where
you're at, watch who you're with." And I said, "You can't really trust
everybody. You want to, but you can't." But I guess he trusted the wrong ones
this time. We all can't be right all the time.
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