(upbeat music) - Welcome back to Family Health Matters.

I'm Shelley Irwin.

With me today, Rachel Adams from Mary Free Bed at Home.

Dr. Priscilla Kimboco from Grand Valley State University and Sarah Milanowski of Life Circles Pace.

Oh, I only get the best.

Here we go, ladies.

Dr. Kimboco thank you for what you do at Grand Valley and Working with the aging.

Tell us how you spend your day.

- How I spend my day right now is I'm a faculty member in the program and health administration.

And I teach students.

I have classes on aging and long-term care, and I have aging classes on leadership.

So that's my work related activities.

I read a lot.

I socialize with my friends.

I keep in touch with my family of brothers and sisters and grand daughters.

So I have a busy life.

- You're giving us the secrets to aging gracefully, before we can begin.

Stand by.

Tell us about you Rachel Adams.

- I work with Mary Free Bed At Home.

I'm a social worker with them.

I currently go into people's homes after a hospitalization, after subacute rehab, work with them on connecting to community resources, providing short term counseling, different things like that.

Working with the interdisciplinary team to help people thrive in their homes.

- Great, and last but not least tell us about you, Sarah.

- Yeah, I am also a geriatric social worker.

I work with Lifecircles Pace, which is a program that helps folks 55 and better who have complicated health or memory challenges live at home with support as independently as possible, instead of moving to a traditional senior living facility.

My days consist of meeting with an interdisciplinary team, planning care meeting families at their kitchen tables to plan for things like Medicaid, financial planning for older adults, learning what matters most to them and figuring out how to help professionals assess and support people so that they can live a full life.

- Alright, Let's get into the topic of which we just came from regarding the show before us.

True or false.

Are we intimate after 60?

I'll start with you.

- Absolutely.

We are humans that have a certain set of needs.

We're born with them and we continue them no matter what part of the age spectrum we're on.

So we have needs whether or not we talk about them openly as a society might be a better question.

What we do and how we learn about our bodies as our bodies change throughout the course of our lifespan is something that's interesting and I think worth exploring, but hopefully we're all all meeting our needs for intimacy in some way, regardless of what end of the spectrum we're on.

- Yes.

Is it brought up in your care at all Rachel?

- I would say with every visit intimacy is something that's very important, no matter our age and it may look different as we do age.

Intimacy may come in different forms.

There are certain things that as we age might change how we need to be intimate and what we need to be intimate, but it very much still exists.

- Are we studying intimacy Dr. Kimboco.

- We are.

- Yeah.

- I, myself was married and for almost 50 years.

And so that intimacy was important during that time.

My husband did get dementia.

And so that pre you know, changed the cycle of what we did.

So intimacy is very important, but also people need to understand that it's a very normal and important part of aging.

So that in my class, we talk about that and it is kind of, everyone kind of puts the look like, oh, grandma and grandpa shouldn't be doing that.

Or mom and dad, if they're older.

We avoid it in our society.

But it has a lot of benefits, not just physical, but emotional and social touch is really important.

Even if you're not in a physically intimate relationship, touch is so important.

Hugs, they've always said hugs a day or maybe 10 are good for us.

So all of that.

- Yes.

- Is part of intimacy I think.

- And the hugs went away for a couple years.

Didn't they?

- They did, touching even wen away.

- Staying with you, Priscilla, talk to me about then companionship.

How does this work?

- Well, in the video before they talked about the older couple in their nineties that married, and part of what I got is, is it's really important to have someone you can turn to and talk about your day.

You can share your issues and your problems.

It doesn't have to be a partner married or sexual.

It can be friends, it can be family.

So actually it could be younger people that you make friends with that you share your wisdom if you will, with them, but they share, their interests and they have questions.

And so on that companionship that relating to other people is really important, that social dimension.

So I also know that people do it with pets.

I'm not a pet person, but I do know someone in this table is a pet person.

- Yes, yes.

- And I think pets are important because it's like, you're caring for someone else and they give you unconditional love back.

- I think we can get her a fish.

(all the women laugh) - That also sounds terrible to me too.

- Sarah.

Well, expand, if you would on companionship.

- Yeah.

- I think we are learning more and more all the time about the impacts of loneliness for all of us across the lifespan, but loneliness is really a public health crisis too, right?

And certainly we knew before the pandemic that a certain age group, older adults maybe were more likely to report being lonely.

The pandemic only made that worse.

I think we know that loneliness is kind of a feeling whether or not it's real or not, the feeling has real impacts on our overall function and our quality of life.

So finding ways to engage and form that connection, that's meaningful can be a real game changer.

We know that when you connect with other people, you have certain chemical changes in your brain, physiological changes that actually don't just improve your longevity, but might also improve your quality of health.

So I think finding connection, finding a way, even if it's volunteering.

As we get older, we might think we're living with a little bit more mobility issue.

You can volunteer and be a friendly caller from the phone and from your chair and make connections that way.

Sure, you might have better impacts if you're sitting face to face making this connection, but there are lots of ways in our culture now to connect with people and form deep relationships.

And even if you think of yourself as an introvert, there are still ways that you can get that value.

- Right.

- For your overall wellbeing.

- Mm, yes.

- And Rachel, your thoughts on this.

- Yeah, one of the things that I look for and talk about with a lot of patients about is that companionship.

One of the things they really feel like they lose most as they're aging is companionship, that social connection, talking to others, whether it's because they can't get out and about like they once did because they have a physical disability, a cognitive change that limits them, in connecting with others.

That connection is something that people genuinely miss as they age.

So working hard to promote that while you can and do what you can to connect with others, is very important.

- We are aging.

We're older now than we did when we opened the show.

I wanna stay with you, if I may, Rachel, do you have a one word piece of advice as we experience the aging process.

- Plan.

Plan.

Do you want me to expand on my one word?

- I do.

I'm like, oh.

- I would suggest, working in the health field as a social worker, one of the things that we see is people don't don't plan until there's a crisis.

And then until it's too late sometimes.

If you can plan in advance, put power of attorney in place, know what you want for your future in the event.

You can't tell somebody what you want.

I think that's very important is to put someone in charge who you know will do what you want when you want, in case you can't and make that known.

- Plan over eating a tossed green salad.

- Yeah.

- Right?

- Let me bring you back in Dr. Kimboco, as far as, let's talk.

Are we aging gracefully and where do we need to improve to be you?

- You don't wanna be me.

- Does DNA matter?

- I think DNA can matter, but you know what they say, DNA is like potential, and so for disease or this or that, but lifestyle behaviors, attitude, physical movement, good food, social connections, something that you do for yourself, all of that.

My word is purpose.

To understand that life is getting shorter.

I don't have that many years left, I'm sure, but I still have a purpose and it matters to me and it's meaningful to me.

And it keeps me focused on going forward, you know?

- Yes, yes, indeed.

- So many people give up too soon for my opinion.

And they adopt all those stereotypes, I'm old now.

So this is just going to happen.

- Black balloons at 50.

- Yeah.

- Or 40 it used to be.

Over the hill, right?

No, those attitudes really make a difference.

That's one of the things that we stress in our conference every year you know, is that the attitude and behavior and choices you make really make a difference.

And so we try to promote that I try to live that, wouldn't say, I always make it, but you know, to keep all of those elements going.

- Yeah.

- So plan, purpose.

You have a P word for me there?

- I don't, I'm gonna go with a B word with boldness.

I actually.

- Writing that down.

- So I kind of struggle and I use the phrase, but I kind of struggle with the whole idea of aging gracefully and what that actually means.

Does it mean as we age and we deal with problems and changes in our bodies and our lives, are we supposed to be quiet about it and not make a stir?

Is that what being graceful means?

And instead, I think, when are we supposed to start aging gracefully?

Is it in our forties?

Is it in our sixties?

Is it in our seventies?

Because we're all aging now.

But as I deal with changes, I don't always react gracefully.

I don't generally like a lot of change.

So owning the experience, talking about the changes in our bodies, the changes in our relationships, the changes in our families, I think helps us set an example for the people that come after us.

And if we're always quiet about it and we go into it gracefully our children and the people that come next may not know what to expect and what's realistic.

So I think if we can own the changes and experience the highs and lows openly, we're setting up everyone to age better.

And if we're all lucky, we'll all age.

- Well.

- For a long time, better, she need the graphic.

No, it's all good.

It's all good.

Boy, let's, I'm gonna go back to you if I can, Rachel, on those active, those who have been active all their lives, and then there's a slip and a fall at age 65, and one's broken a hip and say, they've been an athlete and there's an injury.

How do we psychologically work through this?

We know we can be in the hands of a physical group team, but tell me how we get over that.

- First, we have to process that significant change, that life event, recognizing the sense of loss and what may come with that loss, taking time to realize it's going to take some time to cross that barrier to recover.

And I think having the social supports in place to help us through that and through that loss can be very beneficial.

Something unexpected is very difficult for people, no matter what stage of life we're in.

- Yeah.

- Unexpected is hard for me.

- Unexpected is hard at 65.

And if you're used to being extremely active, you may deal with some significant depression after that break.

And how are you dealing with that depression?

What supports do you have in place to help you?

And are you willing to seek that support that really is there for you?

- Yes, yep.

And Priscilla expand on depression, the loss of a ability or a spouse.

- All of those things have an impact.

In some ways we know someone that's, if it's a spouse and they're ill, you know that they're probably going to pass, but so some of the grief happens before they actually pass, during that part, particularly with like dementia.

There's a period where the relationship has changed and so there's grieving with that, but I think you also have to say, okay, but I'm going on?

And what do I really want?

And I know that even with a very significant injury, like a hip fracture, which is quite common in older woman, it changes your life drastically.

So if you have the kind of social support she's talking about to help you grieve and then move forward and see what the new reality will be and embrace it.

But that's not always easy.

People find that it's extremely difficult, but I think that's what helps people cope is if they have that support and that willingness inside themselves to say, okay, here's a new reality I have to live with.

Or can I find solutions?

What are the options and solutions at this point?

And they, aren't always gonna be going back to being a triathlete, but they might be, something you can continue to do.

- Yeah, look me up in 10 years and we'll see.

- They might have new goals.

- Right, new goals.

- Landing that you talked about.

I mean, you should, it's the giving up, that's the problematic, it's the going into the depression and letting it kind of manage your life, if you will or limit your life.

So try to realize that you're limited now, but you still have other potentials inside you.

- Sure.

- Sarah, talk to me a little bit about, I know both Sarah and Rachel working with clients in your home.

When is it time to ask for help and perhaps establish an assisted living opportunity?

- Yeah.

I think everyone's different.

And certainly I think as a society, we have sort of looked at what it means when you're a certain age or you have a certain level of need.

The idea of, well, mom or dad need to move somewhere.

Or sometimes the older adult themselves saying, well, I don't wanna be a burden on my family.

It's time to start moving on.

And again, I'm gonna challenge that whole idea.

And I think these two ladies might join me with that of saying there are lots of unique resources that we may not even think about available to help people age well, to redefine what it means to age at home and find that right balance of independence and risk with support.

I think as a society, again, we love our independence and any threat to independence is very scary.

And if we start talking about those changes, maybe we can learn ways to tackle that.

So I'd say anytime, you're starting to need a little more help day-to-day, it might be a great time to call a resource in and get an evaluation and see what's available, maybe from your doctor's office, maybe from a neurologist's perspective, maybe home health.

Because if you plan ahead, you might be able to get some resources to fill in those gaps that are things that are causing you a lot of time and energy suck.

If you fill in those gaps, maybe you can spend your, the rest of your time doing things you enjoy and you find meaning and have a more robust picture, if you have help in certain places.

- Expand on that, if you would, Rachel, your work is in the home.

- It is in the home.

So thinking about pulling in the support, so that you have more energy, so that you can maybe live for longer in the home, but I think we also have to recognize that for a lot of people, there does come a point where living in the home is just no longer safe, whether that's because of cognition, whether that's because of physical disabilities and maybe they don't have the family supports that would allow them to stay in the home.

That's when we would look at an assisted living, a skilled nursing facility where that care can be provided around the clock.

And maybe the family supports that they have are no longer the caregivers.

They become that family member again.

So it's a huge dynamic and it can be a huge debate, the living in the home for as long as possible.

And I think we can recognize that, of course, everyone wants to live in their home for as long as possible, but sometimes it does come to a point where needing to look at that next level of care is beneficial for everybody.

- So there are other studies being done.

Research all over the place when it comes to aging with purpose or boldly.

- There's a lot of that going on right now.

I think that's kind the message is that, there's something called the happiness U curve and it shows that young people are happy.

And then in midlife, we kind of drop down and then older people are happy and you look at their circumstances.

You say, why are they happy?

Well, because they've made it this far for one thing, consider the alternative.

And then they realize that they do have coping skills and that some things are just gonna be things they have to adapt to.

So there's a lot of research out there on that, on the topic of caregiving, on the topic of aging, what helps people age?

What we are trying to talk now about how do we increase the health span?

So all of the things we know about healthy aging are increasing.

If you increase the lifespan and you don't change the illness, then what you're really doing is increasing the time coping with disabilities, right?

With whatever they might be.

But if you increase the health span, you limit, you manage, you shape how people cope and you help them stay in their home longer or find the resources they need.

Part of the reason people don't get resources, 'cause they have no idea that they need them, until they need them and they don't reach out for them.

Like the area agencies, one source, but there's several places in town - Or the he idea that if you start asking for help, that's the cascade that's going to lead you to a place.

that you have to next week.

- If you ask for help, that means you're gonna end up in the residential care.

- Yep.

- That isn't reality, but people don't really know that.

And so yeah, the research shows that it makes a huge difference to have supports in place and that truthfully, some people do need a more skilled level of care and assistance.

My mom was in an assisted living.

She had family.

Seven children in our family.

So she had a lot of family come and visit.

And she had friends from church and other people came and visited her.

They were her, other people there who didn't have a single family member come.

- Yeah, that's true.

- So you know why they ended up there?

She was there at 93 and only was there for three years.

Some of them there were for 20 years because they had no family nearby.

I'm wandering in my topic, but I'm just saying research shows all of these things are important, but that we have to be more active.

I think bold is a nice word.

- Yeah.

- In our own aging.

We have to take.

- Well, I know you.

- Self responsibility.

- You self admit, you're still working.

We're all challenged with the new technology, but yet jump into it boldly and take a class or two.

- Yeah, be curious and explore.

And don't limit yourself, right?

Like many things with health and wellness, our brain is a great big muscle and we should be open to using it and check things out and don't count yourself.

Don't count this as the end.

If you can change the way you think and open up the possibilities.

- Continue to be curious.

I would probably maybe have a little bit of ADD.

I love to learn new things and something will pop up and I'll get.

- But that helps.

- But I keep learning and I think everyone can, it's not that they can, it's maybe they just quit doing that.

They think I don't have to do that anymore.

I love learning new things.

And so that's part of it, find the things that you do love and keep that passion.

I'm really into intergenerational relationships now.

I think young people don't understand, unless they work with older adults, they don't understand what it's all about to be old and so that they avoid older people or they don't have regular relationships.

So I am into that too.

I teach young people, which is great, right?

- And they respect you for that.

- And I get to see flourish.

- Yeah.

- That's such a wonderful thing.

- Rachel, back into the home.

I know it's important not to get too much in the weeds, but to make sure that we're not tripping on rugs, that we're able to get in and out of that I don't wanna get too therapy wise.

- Yeah.

- But does that part of your, part of the prevention of the fall, correct?

Make sure whether you're getting therapy services or not that that you are safe.

- Yeah, looking for what could be those trip hazards, fall hazards, maybe it's time to look at a medical alert system, especially, if you're living home alone and you're older, how are you gonna call emergency services, if you do have a, a fall or something happens?

So trying to set up your home well to maintain safety for as long as possible.

- And more on Lifecircle's Pace.

What's the whole premise.

- The whole premise is that people typically do better when they're able to live in their own community.

And that the community is better off when older adults are living in their homes that they enjoy and we're able to access the community.

Our program is on the lake shore.

We help older adults get on a parade float during tulip time to go down the street and enjoy the parks, enjoy the nature, the resources, look at what it means to thrive and make those connections and get out of the house and socialize.

- What's your take home message?

What's your piece of advice besides we've stolen?

You were the bold, the bold word, right?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I would just say to challenge people, to look at what it means to be older, an older adult, and to challenge your thoughts and your conceptions around that.

And especially if you are a child of an older adult to be supportive, if your mother or father, aunt wants to explore companionship or even sexual intimacy with someone and finding resources to educate ourselves, because we don't talk about it.

We don't necessarily know.

I recently found out after working in healthcare for 12 years, that there are urologists that focus on female issues, not just male issues and that can be a game changer to enjoying and having a robust intimate life.

And that connection that is a game changer for the rest of the second half of your life.

- Yes.

- How do we find out more information?

- Lifecircles Pace?

Our phone number is (616) 347-3477 or Lifecircles- pace.org.

- My business circle, isn't it?

- Yes.

- There we are.

Tell me what you leave us with Rachel Adams.

- I would say.

- Just live, enjoy the time that you have.

Just because you're aging doesn't mean your activities that you participate in have to change.

Continue to learn, as you've spoken about.

Continue to engage and continue to thrive in your home for as long as you can, but don't be afraid to reach out for help and support.

You don't have to do it alone.

Caregivers, family members.

There are people out there to help with the process of aging if you're in need of it.

And it's okay to accept that help when you're ready.

- Hmm, so when you go into the home, do you occasionally get the cookie on the way out?

- No.

- No.

You're aging boldly.

How do we find out more information about your services?

- So maryfreebedathome.com.

- Great.

- Yep.

Thank you for you.

Alright, Dr. Priscilla Kimboco, give us your wisdom, please.

- I just say stay active, connected and keep learning and don't give up hope.

Don't buy into all the stereotypes about old people and aging for yourself or for anyone else.

So that's kind of my premise is that.

- And Grand Valley does present, I won't pick on you for gates, but there is an aging conference every year.

- Yeah, we have a conference that we do every year called the art and science of aging.

So there's some science, so it's evidence based, but there's also an art, the creative aspect.

We do that, we'll be doing our 18th conference on February 24th, I believe next year.

And the theme this next year, every year's a different theme.

The theme is fashion and new image of aging.

So that's kind of what we're gonna do.

- So mini skirts at 70, well, not really.

- Why not?

- Go boldly.

- Bold with purpose.

- And my person.

I really love and think everyone should read, even if they don't agree with everything she says, is Ashton Apple White, "This Chair Rocks."

She is an anti ageist person who looks at aging and tells us every one of our stereotypes and why it's wrong and kind of how to think differently, even about sexuality, about everything.

She's kind of an inspiring person that I would recommend that people check out.

- In your seventies, eighties, nineties, you can do triathlons.

You continue to work and you can be very intimate, right?

It takes your insight from that.

How do we find out more information about you?

- We have a website it's at gvsu.edu/gerontology, G-E-R-O-N-T-O-L-O-G-Y, gerontology.

I wish it said arts and sciences, but it doesn't.

- Yes.

- But you go there and you can find information on our conference every year.

This semester I'm gonna teach opportunities in aging societies.

I teach it to social workers and health administration students, and I'm teaching them all about aging and some of the challenges that people face and some of the stereotypes.

- Yes.

- Which of course we can spend another 30 minutes talking about whether to future students for you.

Thank you all.

Again, we're older now than when we started, so let's get to happening.

- Thank you all.

- Thank you.

- Thank you for watching, take care.

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