♪ Every day when you're walking down the street ♪ ♪ Everybody that you meet has an original point of view ♪ (laughing) ♪ And I say hey ♪ Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪ ♪ If we could learn to work and play ♪ ♪ And get along with each other ♪ ♪ You've got to listen to your heart, listen to the beat ♪ ♪ Listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street ♪ ♪ Open up your eyes, open up your ears ♪ ♪ Get together and make things better ♪ ♪ By working together ♪ ♪ It's a simple message, and it comes from the heart ♪ ♪ Believe in yourself, for that's the place to start ♪ ♪ And I say hey ♪ Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪ ♪ If we could learn to work and play ♪ ♪ And get along with each other ♪ Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪ Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪ Hey!

Hey, D.W.!

Hey!

Whoa... Just because someone says something is real doesn't mean it necessarily is.

Just watch... (doorbell rings) May I help you?

No, Jeeves, but I can help you!

I'm Jimmy Johnny Johnson, aka J-CUBE, big-time genius TV producer, pow!

Yeah, and this is Phil.

(grunts) I want to put the Crosswires on TV.

What's going on, Bailey?

I believe we're being "punked," sir.

(gasping) Jimmy Johnny Johnson!

You got my letter.

Daddy, I read that J-CUBE was looking for new reality stars and I said our family would be perfect.

Rich, intelligent, glamorous-- what's not to love?

So, what do you say, Ned?

It's Ed.

Will you let Phil and I be part of the Crosswires for four weeks and turn you into the biggest hit since Ice Road Trucking Wi th the Stars?

Well... (gasping) You bet!

(cheering) Huzzah.

Cut!

Okay, that was great.

Let's just have a little bit more excitement this time.

And Ted, not too long on the pause.

It's feeling a little staged.

It's Ed.

Okay, everybody, one more time.

Caught in the Crosswires, episode one.

Let's keep it real, folks.

See what I mean?

(doorbell rings) It's the first day of shooting our new reality show and things couldn't be going better.

I only wish my brother Chip could be here, but he's away at school.

Maybe if we get a second season... FRANCINE: Muffy?

Hi, Francine.

Be out in a second.

Who are you talking to?

And why are you hiding in there?

I wasn't hiding.

I'm just talking to my fans in the "Private Moments Area."

Uh, I think it's called a closet.

We have to do three video diary entries every day.

That's when the camera isn't following us everywhere.

(groans) I never knew it would be this hard.

You've only been filming for a day.

(sighs) Feels like years.

Still, I guess it's for a good cause.

What cause is that?

Making people famous for doing nothing?

No.

Providing quality entertainment for people whose lives are not as interesting as mine.

(laughing) Okay.

Well, I don't suppose a big star like you would want to come to the movies with me.

My mom said she'd take us to Galaxy Kittens in 3D.

Oh, I've been dying to see that.

But I have to go to dinner now.

Sorry.

What?

But it's only 3:00.

We want to use the daylight.

By the way, you are great as the snarky friend.

Genius.

Pow!

Thank you, Bailey.

Looks wonderful.

Goodness me, what's that on my napkin?

Is that the new four-door luxury Credenza on sale at Crosswire Motors?

It is.

Wow!

That is an amazing deal.

Psst... see what the kid is doing.

Thanks, Bailey.

(sipping) Ooh, hot.

Did he just serve you scalding hot soup?

What kind of an animal would do that?

Um, it's not that hot.

But what if it was?

It isn't.

Or is it?

No, it isn't.

I believe Mr. Cube is trying to insinuate that the scene would be more engaging if you reacted more dramatically, Miss Muffy.

What Jeeves just said.

Pow!

Genius.

Oh.

Well, okay.

(sipping) Is the soup to your liking, Miss Muffy?

Ow!

Oh, no!

That's way too hot.

I am most grievously sorry.

May I blow on it, Miss Muffy?

Don't bother.

Take it away.

My dinner is ruined!

I think we just found our star.

(yawning) Bailey!

Yes, Miss Muffy?

Why haven't my covers been turned down?

And that pillow has not been fluffed.

This is unacceptable.

It shan't happen again, Miss Muffy.

It better not!

How was that?

Can't you go any faster?

I'd like to get there before I turn 80.

I asked for a frittata.

This is just an omelet!

Wire hangers?

Wire hangers?!

And if you are one minute late today, that's it.

You're going back to butler-school, Mister.

Yes, Miss Muffy.

Why were you being so rude to Bailey?

Oh, it's just an act.

J-CUBE thought it would be great for the show if Bailey and I fought a lot.

It didn't seem like fighting to me.

You were just being mean.

Yeah, but Muffy has to be mean.

She's the villain.

What?

No, I'm not.

Sure you are.

But that's the best role.

Every reality show has someone you love to hate.

In Top Supermarket Clerk, it was Jeff.

That sneaky little weasel!

I still get angry thinking about him.

See?

The villains are the most memorable characters.

But...

I've also been really nice to Bailey.

This morning I gave him the cherry from my fruit cup.

I think it's going to take more than a cherry to make up for your performance back there.

How does it feel to be abused by a spoiled, eight-year-old tyrant?

I wouldn't know, Mr. Cube.

I have only ever been employed by the most kind and generous of households.

Yeah, that wasn't really the answer I was looking for.

Wait.

Genius idea coming.

Pow!

How's your eyesight, Jeeves?

Excellent.

Oh yeah?

Can you read this?

"I am so very, very miserable."

Great.

Now hold this onion.

(sobbing) MRS. CROSSWIRE: It was the strangest dream.

I was in a pre-owned luxury sedan that hardly cost me a cent.

Honey, that was no dream.

There are tons of affordable, top-of-the-line cars at Crosswire Motors every day.

(knocking) MUFFY: Ba iley, it's me.

I need to talk to you.

Don't worry, I dodged them.

Do you think I'm coming across as mean and spoiled in this show?

It is a distinct possibility, Miss Muffy.

But...

I'm not really like that.

Am I?

No, Miss Muffy.

And may I be so bold as to ask: Am I a spineless jellyfish?

Of course not, Bailey.

You're the bravest, strongest, noblest person I know.

Except for Daddy.

Quite.

This is terrible.

What are we going to do?

Perhaps henceforth, we should ignore Mr. Cube's suggestions and simply treat each other normally.

Oh!

Oh, dear.

I'm terribly sorry, Miss Muffy.

It's all right, Bailey.

I'll just change my shirt after breakfast.

Did that bumbling oaf just spill juice all over your priceless new dress?

It's not new.

And it was on sale when I bought it.

Crosswires never pay retail.

Anyway, it was just an accident.

An accident?

You've been a butler for 50 years and now this snob is calling you clumsy?

I am 37, Mr. Cube.

And Miss Muffy called me no such thing.

(groaning) Okay, people, look.

I just need this scene to be a little more exciting, okay?

So, you know, act that way.

No!

Excuse me?

If my family isn't exciting enough for you, go film someone else.

But from now on, I'm just going to be myself.

Ha!

Listen, kid, I'm Jimmy Johnny Johnson, creator of There's a Bear in My House, and no one wants to see a show about the real you.

You know why?

It's boring!

You can't talk to my daughter that way.

I want you both to leave this instant.

That was not an accident.

(loud rock music playing) I asked for fresh strawberries!

What's this?

No!

No.

No!

Bailey!

Bailey!

Bailey!

I am so very, very miserable.

(sobbing) I can't hold this any longer... J-CUBE: Stay tuned for more of the half-hour special Caught in the Crosswires: A Family on the BRINK.

It's all like that.

J-Cube only had enough footage for a half-hour, but they're going to air it over and over again for three weeks.

Well, I certainly don't have to see any more.

Me neither.

And I'm telling everyone I know not to watch.

I thought it was amazing!

I mean, amazingly bad.

I won't watch it either.

Thanks, guys.

It wasn't a total loss, though.

I got a great idea for a show out of it.

It's called Bad Reality TV Producer.

That is genius.

Pow!

And now... Who knows a fancy word for "problem"?

Conflict.

This is my second-grade class.

My class is talking about conflicts.

And whenever we have conflicts, we have to come up with ways of solving them, right?

Muffy and Bailey were pretending to have a conflict.

That's kind of like what we were doing.

TEACHER: You're going to come up with examples of conflicts or problems that any second-grader could face.

We had actors who explain the problem.

You accidentally bumped into someone at recess and now they are hurt and crying.

Ow, you pushed me on purpose!

It was an accident.

It appears as though we have a conflict.

Does anyone have a suggestion?

My idea is Jared can offer her to go to the nurse.

You want to go to the nurse?

Sure.

(applause) We're practicing ways to solve conflicts.

Your tablemate accused you of taking their eraser, but you didn't do it.

Why did you take my eraser?

I didn't.

Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

Does anyone have an idea?

Andrew could say, "Even though I didn't take your eraser, I could help you find it."

We found it!

Hey, can I use that ball?

I'm using it right now.

I want to use it.

I want to use it.

I want to use it.

I want to use it.

Does anyone have a suggestion?

Maybe they should share the ball together.

They can both play with it and they don't have to fight.

We learned that lots of problems can happen to you, but there's always a way to figure them out.

And now...

When you're a member of high society like me, you have certain responsibilities.

You must know the correct utensil to use at a formal dinner.

The primi amuse-bouche, Miss Muffy.

Garden pea stuffed with pheasant ragout.

MUFFY: You must have the right outfit for any occasion.

Muffin?

You almost ready?

The ribbon cutting for the tire store is in 20 minutes.

Ta-da!

And you must be immortalized on canvas by a very important artist.

This is Daddy.

"Wow," right?

Mummy.

Isn't she beautiful?

And Chip.

(laughing) What a card.

I, however, opted for something a tiny bit different, but I think it really captures me.

What do you think?

ARTHUR: It's a rerun.

DW: So?

It's still my TV time.

(grunting) But you've seen that episode a million times.

Mary Moo Cow gets better with age.

(both grunting) NEWS REPORTER: And now let's meet the winner, Buster Baxter.

BOTH: What?

So Buster, how does it feel to have won the Best Young Artist award for this year's Elwood City arts festival?

Good.

There you have it.

He feels good.

Back to you, Bob.

He's the best young artist?

Puh-leeze.

I've seen Buster's drawings.

His cows are lumpy.

I didn't even know he'd entered that contest.

(applause) Thank you.

Thanks, everyone.

(kissing trophy) This is amazing, Buster.

I didn't know you could paint.

I didn't know either until last February 3rd.

What happened on February 3rd?

My horoscope.

It said, "You will discover a hidden talent."

So I tried out this paint set my mom got me, and the rest is history.

FRANCINE: What's that thing sticking out of his elbow?

A brain.

See, that alien is from the Planet Tabooni, where they have their brains on their elbows.

And it's a "she."

Are they all aliens?

Uh-huh.

I'm in my "extra-terrestrial period."

That's art-talk for when you're obsessed with painting in this one style.

Well done, son.

You've really captured the essence of... something.

How would you like your first commission?

Sure.

What's a commission?

Daddy wants you to paint my portrait.

Personally, I prefer "normal" art, but I've got a hunch that these just might be worth something someday.

Okay.

How much do you charge?

Um, well... Free snacks would be nice, and...

It's a deal.

See you tomorrow.

I should've asked for juice, too.

You have to stay absolutely still or I won't be able to do this.

Okay.

(French music playing) (groaning) Can I see?

Nope.

Hmm... How about now?

Don't move.

(clock ticking) What about now?

Uh-uh.

How long is this going to take?

About eight hours.

What?

(screaming) (gasping) You'll just have to work from a photo.

Bailey!

(shutter clicks) Done.

Oh, it's a masterpiece!

What?

You've got to be kidding me.

What?

You don't like it?

Intriguing.

Is that her nose or her ear?

Both.

See, I've painted her as a Norf-troll; they're from the Centurinus System and their hearing and sense of smell are combined.

I don't want to be a... whatever you said.

I want you to paint me as me.

Well, it is you.

It's just...

Ugly.

I look like a tuna melt.

Daddy, tell him he has to make me look pretty.

There'd be more snacks, of course...

It's okay.

I can paint another one.

I wasn't trying to make you ugly.

But it's important to me that you like the painting.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I was mean.

I'm sure it's very pretty if you're a Dorf-toad or whatever.

(sighing) (spitting) I can't take it anymore.

She's never satisfied.

So why don't you just quit?

I keep thinking that if I try a little harder, I'll make something she likes.

But I can't draw people.

Only aliens.

You just need more practice.

Here, draw me.

What?!

That's not me.

BUSTER: It's how I see you.

See, this is your head, about to explode.

And you have 18 arms because you're good at sports.

You're an alien from Planet Voton.

Oh, I get it.

Not bad.

Hey, do me.

And you're from Planet Transparix.

You're clear because you've got nothing to hide.

Big heart, big glasses, and two left feet.

Huh.

You know what?

You really are an artist.

No fooling.

You should paint Muffy as you really see her, then explain it.

Really?

Okay, then.

Well, it's completely ridiculous.

And I hate the green.

That is not my color.

But green represents money.

Crosswire money.

And my eyebrows look so pointy.

And why did you make me so boxy?

Because you're a car.

Or rather, you're from the Planet Carmania.

Don't you get it?

Eyebrows, head, torso...

So all you have to do is repaint the head and the body, make a new background, change all the colors, and you're done.

Could you finish these revisions by Monday?

That'd be so great.

Bye.

(screaming in frustration) (knocking) Um, am I in the right place?

Oui.

Come on in.

Asseyez-vous.

That means "sit down" in French.

So I showed her the portrait and she said, "Egad."

(blows a raspberry) And a lot of other bad words that I don't care to repeat.

Hah.

We don't paint their way, Van Gogh.

We paint our way.

The great Arcimboldo, here...

I mean, does that Po rtrait of a Librarian look like a librarian?

Not at all.

It's preposterous.

And when I, Toulouse-Lautrec, paint a portrait, I am often told, "But I don't look like that."

And I say, "You will."

So where is your portrait, young artist?

Here.

(gasping) Sacre bleu.

Mon dieu.

Yeah, except she hates it.

She wants me to make a bunch of changes.

Bah.

The notes of an imbecile.

Ignore them.

You are an artist.

This is a masterpiece.

Toulouse-Lautrec is right.

I am an artist.

Hear me roar.

(sighs happily) That felt good.

Here.

This is you.

Painted by me.

You can like it or not, but I will not paint the way you want me to.

Okay?

From now on, I paint like me.

You didn't make any of the revisions I asked for.

And what's that?

Oh, something Toulouse Lautrec suggested to me in my dream.

Nice, right?

Wrong.

You can tell this "Toulouse" I wouldn't hire him if he was the last painter on earth.

I can't tell him because he's dead.

Well, then I definitely won't hire him.

Or you.

You can kiss all those free snacks good-bye, and the grand unveiling party I was going to arrange.

You were going to arrange an unveiling party?

For my painting?

A party?

You would trade your artistic soul for cake and ice cream?

Well, it depends on the cake.

No.

You must be strong.

You're right.

I'll be strong.

I'm not changing a thing.

MR. RATBURN: Did you paint that, Buster?

Most interesting.

Ah, I get it.

Muffy as an automobile.

A driving force, tireless, determined.

And yet this ribbon connotes a softer, more vulnerable side.

It captures her perfectly.

Wait a minute.

You see all that?

Absolutely.

Okay, everyone, let's open our history books.

I changed my mind.

I'll keep it.

(applause) Thank you.

Thanks, everyone.

So how does it feel to have Muffy finally like your painting?

You know, it feels really, really... Good.

♪ ♪ ARTHUR: To watch more Arthur and play games with all the Elwood City friends, visit pbskids.org.

You can find Arthur books and lots of other books, too at your local library.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org