MINNESOTA, LAND OF 10,000 LAKES; IT GETS REALLY REALLY COLD HERE.

LAST WINTER, THOUGH, WAS THE FIRST WINTER IN A LONG TIME WHERE YOU COULD TAKE A CUP OF BOILING WATER OUT FRONT, THROW IT UP IN THE AIR AND NOTHING WOULD HIT THE GROUND.

MY BROTHER AND I USED TO PLAY THIS GAME CALLED AVALANCHE.

AND TO PLAY AVALANCHE, WE WOULD WAIT FOR A BIG SNOWFALL AND THEN HIDE AGAINST THE SIDE OF THE GARAGE.

AND WHEN THE SNOWPLOW WOULD COME DOWN THE ROAD, I WOULD RUN OUT JUST AHEAD OF IT AND DIVE INTO THE SNOWBANK.

THEN THE PLOW WOULD COME BY AND BURY ME UP.

THEN MY BROTHER WAS THE SAINT BERNARD, "RU-ROO, RU-ROO," AND HE'D COME AND DIG ME OUT.

ONE TIME, WE'RE PLAYING AVALANCHE-- I'M UNDERNEATH THE SNOW, THE PLOW GOES BY, I'M BURIED UP.

AND I'M UNDER THERE AND IT SEEMS LIKE MY BROTHER IS TAKING A LONG TIME TO COME AND GET ME.

AND THIS IS TAKING A REALLY LONG TIME.

AND IT REMINDED ME OF THE TIME WHEN HE LOCKED ME IN THE TRUNK AND THEN HE GOT SCARED AND LEFT THE ROOM AND MY MOTHER HAD TO COME IN WITH A SCREWDRIVER AND POUND IT THROUGH THE TOP OF THE TRUNK SO I COULD BREATHE LIKE A MOTH IN A JAR.

I REMEMBER THE SCREWDRIVER COMING THROUGH THE TRUNK.

HE'D DONE THAT BECAUSE I ROLLED HIM UP IN A CARPETING-- THIS WAS HIS IDEA.

I'D LAID HIM IN A CARPET AND ROLLED HIM UP WITH HIS HEAD STICKING OUT.

THIS IS WHEN WE FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS CLAUSTROPHOBIC.

HE STARTS SCREAMING, "LET ME OUT!

LET ME OUT!

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

HE WAS INSANE LIKE A MAD PEZ DISPENSER.

"LET ME OUT!

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

I WAS IN A DILEMMA.

DO I LET HIM OUT?

HE'LL KILL ME.

SO I RAN AWAY.

I WONDERED IF THIS WAS FRESH IN HIS MIND AS I LAY UNDER THIS SNOWFALL WAITING FOR HIM.

AND THEN THERE'S HIS LITTLE HANDS AND I HEAR, "RU-ROO, RU-ROO!"

AND HE DUG ME OUT.

I LOVE MY BROTHER.

THAT GAME WAS HIS IDEA, THOUGH, IF I REMEMBER RIGHT.

[piano playing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"] GOOD AFTERNOON.

MY NAME IS RICHARD STUEFER AND I HAVE BEEN PERFORMING SANTA CLAUSES ALMOST AS LONG AS I'VE BEEN ALIVE.

I BELIEVE THAT SANTA CLAUS IS A SERIOUS OCCUPATION, A PROFESSION, A CALLING, IF YOU WILL.

AND I WOULD SAY OF ALL THE COSTUMED CHARACTERS I'VE PORTRAYED, SANTA CLAUS OCCUPIES THE PINNACLE IN THE TRUEST SENSE OF THE WORD.

AND NEXT TO SANTA CLAUS, THE GORILLA.

EVERYONE LOVES THE GORILLA.

HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!

CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR.

OF COURSE, IT'S HARD TO FIND A WAY TO BE SANTA CLAUS 365 DAYS A YEAR.

IN THE OFF-SEASON, I LIKE TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM THE MADDENING PACE AND SPEND A QUIET MOMENT BY THE LAKE, AND ENJOY A MOMENT OF QUIET REFLECTION.

WHEN I'M NOT PLAYING SANTA CLAUS, THERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING MISSING FROM MY LIFE.

I SUPPOSE IT'S LIKE SUPERMAN HANGING UP HIS CAPE OR BATMAN, YOU KNOW, PUTTING THE BATMOBILE UP ON BLOCKS.

HI, SANTA.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

SANTA HAS SOMETHING TO TEACH ALL OF US.

I APPRECIATED SHARING THE WALK WITH YOU, LADIES.

BY ALL MEANS.

NOT JUST ABOUT CHRISTMAS, BUT ABOUT HUMANITY.

WE WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT.

THE PLEASURE WAS MINE.

EVERY MOMENT THAT WE FACE CONFLICT OR CRISIS, SHOULD REMEMBER THAT, THAT THE KEY IS TO SPREAD JOY.

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.

HO-HO...WHHEEW.

[piano playing "Jingle Bells"] [bright piano music] IT'S SO COLD IN MINNESOTA.

HOW COLD IS IT?

IT'S SO COLD THAT PEOPLE DON'T LOOK TWICE WHEN A MAN WALKS INTO A BANK WEARING A SKI MASK.