foreign [Music] special edition of your South Florida I'm your guest host Darius V Daughtry I am a writer and director and founder and executive artistic director of art prevails project a performing and literary Arts non-profit with the mission of making art accessible by providing engaging and authentic artistic and cultural experiences through performance and education our most recent production The Happening a theatrical mixtape volume 4 black like he is a creative tapestry that uses the Poetry of words music and movement to address relevant social issues from racial profiling to the lasting effects of child abuse the highs and lows of fatherhood and the strength found in Brotherhood this production explores the complexities of the black experience in America through the lens of black men here's a brief look at black like heat has the police ever stopped you with no probable cause yes have you ever found yourself trying to make yourself seem smaller so that folks in the room will feel more at ease yes [Music] and finally have you ever felt truly free to be all that you've ever wanted to be no [Music] well congratulations my friend you're black I'm standing in that delivery room staring into the eyes of my son I know I'm gonna have to tell them that I'm a superhero I can't tell my son that his father is but a fragile man okay tell my son that I got to be stronger than the weight of all this oppression let's push it down on us man how fragile broken heart and spirit man look man I know I know losing your pops was tough I know and I wanna call dude but I just I don't know what to say sometimes you don't gotta say a thing just just listen man and I just need a little bit more my friend man that's it my brother you ain't alone you ain't alone you I got you back you ain't alone we got your back you went along we got your back we got your back I'm sure he's seen his share of Darkness bones made brittle from carrying their share of weight for decades I'm sure he Bears scars I don't have seen things I won't [Music] but he smiled at me this old man this master teacher in the art of finding Joy when others have tried to steal it and hide it away I took note and I smiled and we'll smile tomorrow and the day after when bones are brittle and mouth is a constellation when another in need in a lesson of finding Joy crosses my path [Music] a main thread throughout black like he and honestly in all our lives is mental health a topic that is viewed as taboo and not openly discussed nearly enough in black and brown communities any discussion of mental health is often seen as a sign of weakness particularly amongst black men that's why today we've gathered some of the cast from blacklight key and a mental health professional to address these mental health stigmas dive deeper into some of the topics we address in the performance and look at ways to find joy and resilience in life joining me are actors Douglas Zaire Goodridge Jamil and Sue Denzel mccauslin and David H Hepburn we also have with us marriage and family therapist Dr manushka santile so thank you all for being here so we want to Dive Right into this so the show the main thread in it was mental health right and um I guess we'll start with you manushka when when you think about mental health in these black communities and amongst black men what's the first thing that you think about the first thing that I think about is the fact that black men don't have a place where they can be vulnerable and how this play kind of shows the different levels of vulnerability that black men experience in silence and so it was very profound to watch that play out on stage because most people are having these experiences in isolation and not realizing that I'm not alone there are other people having these exact same experiences and that's where the conversation should begin that you are not alone and that it's important to find your community and reach out it's not something you have to suffer by yourself you can't you don't you can't do it alone yeah so and and thank you for that and gentlemen so with that do you all feel right you know that this that stigma exists where you you can't have this conversation um so just personally what's your experience around thinking about you know or talking about Mental Health in your own circle with your own friends and family for me it very much has always been you've got to stay closed off growing up was always as a man or a young boy it's you got to be tough you have to make sure it's a stone wall no one can get to brew to your feelings I'm trying to break out of that myself this show kind of helped me to realize that it's a lot of systematic things that are taught to us brought into us and things are very difficult to notice at times sometimes you just get used to it because it's what you see and what you know to the point that you don't see it as an issue you just see it as life until it takes something to really show you that there is something better that it's okay to be yourself it's okay to be open but it's very difficult because of how we've been taught yeah so like so speaking of that and gentlemen when you talk about how we've been taught what are some of the things that that we have been taught or that you have been taught in regards to your emotions and and what you're allowed to express a lot of the time for me a big uh thing is waiting for the right moment uh and that's in everything you know and I feel like that's something that people are told a lot and people feel a lot is I have to wait for the right moment to do this or say that but there's really no good moment to tell someone that you're drowning you know there's no right time to say hey I'm struggling right now and I need help um so that's you know something that you know we have to break out of you know and stop waiting for an opportunity to seek help and just go get it absolutely anybody else I love this analogy of drowning because it makes it such a dire scenario where you don't have any choice and I think the problem is that when we do have the choice um we don't take that autonomy because of some systemic things you know as men as young boys you know you you basically are taught to suck it up you know get punched in the chest and just like suck it up take it you don't show your emotions for me having been an artist all my life I think it's made me very sensitive so it's interesting that I feel like I'm a very private person in my personal life but when I'm on stage I'm waddle and it's like I'm I I relish the opportunity to be completely transparent honestly I've had trouble trying to find therapy as far as like Professional Therapy because um by comparison it impales significantly um and again I've heard people say it's almost like dating that you got to really go through a series of people until you find a perfect match which I certainly have not found but um again I've always considered myself blessed that the people that are closest to me are very um I mean they're um they're biased as far as of course their love for me and because they know me but they also hold me to task and I don't get away with anything um so again I'm fortunate to have people that are close enough to me that I can really really be transparent with and unload so I don't feel I don't feel as though I don't have an outlet I do and it's vital awesome so um David just kind of mentioned uh some difficulty finding a therapist um so as a black man and you know with the people you deal with like you know I know that there's oftentimes you know difficulty finding someone that you feel is connected and understand is your experience if you can speak to that well well as a black therapist I definitely know that when my clients come and see me and they know that I am also black there's a sense of relief because there are some things that you don't have to explain culturally that you might not necessarily get with another therapist now keep in mind I'm taking your entire history and so that's any therapist but there are some contexts that you could probably leave out because I've also had some of those experiences and they are happy to not have to dive in so deep to help the therapist understand their life story so it is difficult and I can say maybe 20 years ago there weren't a lot of therapists that look like me and you know it's a whole conversation about why that is that might be another segment but I think I'm just grateful that we are now having an opportunity to see therapists that reflect collect the community in which they serve yeah absolutely and so Jamil to that point when we talk about the play and ended your one of your characters uh had experienced some racial profiling and um this you know this police disproportionate act from the police so when you think about that and how that affects us what do you what do you think that does to a man a young man just trying to navigate the world how does that how do you think that affects so that's a beautiful question Darius and I think it causes a young man at least the way I see it to become filled with more questions right so leaving the house what can I wear that might prevent this right so am I perhaps if I wear my high school memorabilia then the person might see me as somebody's son maybe they have a son that's in high school if I wear my college memorabilia you know maybe they are an alumni of the same school and they might feel some sort of kinship should I try to avoid wearing certain colors should I you know as someone who I would say you know we're in a kufi having a beard is visibly Muslim like do like how do I go about ways that you know try to mitigate my presence and so similar like you mentioned the play you know one of the questions that another character that I played asked is do you ever find yourself making yourself smaller in a space so that others feel more comfortable and it's the same way you know I try to get you know even if I'm having a down day and I don't feel in the mood to smile try to smile at everybody right so I don't come across as this you know as the media would present it this big hulking brute but you know someone's sensitive son grandson uncle and so to answer your question I think it just causes you to do these preemptive you know preparations you know shoes clothes am I driving too fast am I driving too slow if I go into the store and I'm looking for something and I don't see it should I still at least buy something so it doesn't look like I just came in to do whatever you know I I think I get a lot of my steps in walking around Publix because I can't find what I'm looking for don't want someone to stop me and ask whatever the case might be you know is it okay if I bring my bag in somewhere or not because again you know possibly them thinking that I took something so I would say that's how I think it affects a young black man is you're constantly filled with these questions on how to prevent these things absolutely so like I think I think of it a lot um about what what we carry the fact that you know when you're ready to leave the house you have to carry this with you like it's just a thing that is there with you and it's not going anywhere and so your experience walking through the world just being alive in this space already comes with with this and some of it is I think perceived right because if I sometimes I walk into a space and in my mind I don't know what anybody in there is thinking for sure because I can't read their minds but there's already an idea that they are viewing me in a certain way and so how do I need to navigate this space right how do I need to operate from going from point A to point B just to make sure that you know things are cool and I'm not you know seen as a thread I'm sure if any of you all can speak more so to those experiences and that's what that what it makes you feel like and and how and how you you operate with it for me it's kind of I didn't experienced it a lot as a kid a lot of times I grew up in Miami Gardens where a lot of times I just grow up around people who look like me so it was never really a feeling of that idea of okay how am I walking a certain way how do I react in a certain place um it wasn't really until I went to college and then it was like okay there's a lot of people who don't look like me then it started to creep in where it's like how do I move in a certain way where I don't want the wrong idea to get through of when I say something that I'm used to saying when I'm back home it's like you can't say that here because someone might get the wrong connotation and so now it is the idea of it's not even just in terms of what I carry it's okay how do I think and now it's like I have to think differently when I'm in a different scenario because now I can't think the way I do when I'm wearing my friends my family I have to think does this work in this scenario I have to always be three steps ahead before I say anything because I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and for me that it causes a lot of stress can I overthink anyway me myself so having to overthink even more it's like you have to process so much and it's like it's takes a whole a lot of toll on you mentally and physically when you go through it so much and at that point then you start to get into fits of depression where now it's like I can't get anything right you start to have these doubts about everything am I doing anything like you said where you don't know exactly what they're thinking but you have an idea so now when you're overthinking that now it's okay okay now I know what they're thinking you don't know but now you're thinking I know exactly what they're thinking about me and then how do I change that because I want to make sure I'm not creating this bad Cloud so it's so many things in so many different areas of where having those thoughts in your head can lead you on a downward spiral to where you are like Zaire said before drowning and then you have to find a way to swim yourself up but sometimes you don't know how and so that's a that's a great point the idea of finding a way to swim yourself up so for me like I almost drowned once right and um well maybe twice but but once at least once as an adult and what I was looking for was for someone else to to help me right I was looking for someone else and when we think about our mental health right it's often important that there is someone else whether someone that's close to you a therapist or whatever a point of the play that we touched on a lot was was relationships right friendships and things of that nature how have you found the importance of of having this positive Inner Circle people that that you are connected to to help you when you were drowning or just to kind of keep you you know laughing or keep you up when things aren't going well and I'm just gonna interject because I want to preference with within my practice the very first thing I tell my clients is that we were placed here to coexist with people not things not places not jobs but people so your relationships matter the way you start them maintain them and end them and so if we understand that concept as to why we are together and having this collective experience and we prioritize that then we spend more time in these communities in our relationships nurturing them and you know basically creating a life worthy of our existence so it's something that you have to intentionally practice and and and make a priority yeah absolutely but um I know for me like the the the the Friendship aspect that inner circle um is probably the most important part like it's it's important to seek out professional help if you are genuinely struggling that is very important but outside of that having people that you can go to just to be like I know from for me I have I have specific Tendencies when I am depressed that alter who I am it makes me a different person in this in this moment you won't hear from me I won't eat I love food if I'm not eating something's wrong um and I have I have a friend who during one of those times knows that I like to be left alone when I'm like that but it's not necessarily the best thing because I don't take care of myself when I'm by myself when I'm like that so what he did was he came to my house I was asleep um my mom let him in he walked in saw that I was sleeping went to the kitchen cooked some food left it and then and then left send me a text because I hate there's food there for you and having people that will understand that even though they can't necessarily be there for you the way they want they want to be having them be there for you the way that you need right is very important and I hear you know and you know the therapist's ears is going to perk up and when we talk about genuinely struggling and so I would employ people to you know think about the fact that if you were walking around with a broken bone and you would look for help immediately because we are so used to identifying those physical ailments and we know to go to the doctor but when it's time to address the broken heart and the broken mind we need to see it genuinely happen so I don't know what the gauge is of what is genuine and I'm not you know trying to make it seem like it's something that's simple but seek professional help when to help you determine when you're struggling because it's you wouldn't do that with a broken bone so don't do that with a broken heart and don't do that with a broken mind there there is a way to come back there's a way to heal there are professionals that want more people to walk through their doors and look for that support but if you know unfortunately with WebMD you know we have a lot of people kind of like self-diagnosing so let someone else help you decide and you know look for that help so I think you know that's a very amazing point because if even speaking about on a physical level oftentimes in the black community we're not going to the doctor either right so we're we're trying to find these other remedies or we're gonna walk it off always that's nothing we're going to be all right right and so we're not taking care of ourselves in those ways and we think you know the idea of I guess you know for us like resilience and and having to fight through the thing right so we'll fight through the physical thing and so but as you're saying it's like that's not good not but neither is you know if you're no if you know like I'm not feeling like myself or something or this traumatic event happened you know and we talk about trauma whether it's a physical trauma or an emotional trauma that it's going to leave a mark and it's going to impact how you navigate the world and so you need to do something about that right and and that's a perfect and segue into talking about trauma because you know when you're trying to explain how does trauma look like emotionally and I tell my icons like imagine cutting a finger off every time you experience a traumatic event and you still continue to live life and you've created a life so for instance you had two traumatic events so you've created a life around those eight fingers and now you're navigating you don't know what you would have been with ten fingers You've Lost That part of you and then unless you know that it's happened and someone's going to help you unpack that and reattach those fingers you know you're going through life missing something and you're showing up in these spaces with a deficit and you don't even know that so it's important to allow someone to help you figure out what is ailing you emotionally so that you can show up in those spaces whole so so great so speaking of showing up in the space hold um a part of the show that we that we did was also about joy and resilience right so uh fellas I would love to hear what you guys think about about those things about how do we as black men make sure that we connect to Joy and resilience one of the things you all you all did was write a letter to your younger selves and so if you were speaking to your younger self or any other young man like what would you say about okay how do you how do you connect with your own personal mental health and help find that joy and resilience I would say um learning to be okay with people watching you be happy like that's a huge thing for me specifically so if I was speaking to my younger self I would say that because a lot of the time when I experience Joy I get very excited and like um you know we were talking about earlier we have a tendency to make ourselves small to not threaten other people or make other people feel threatened but just learning to be okay with experiencing the full range of Joy because it you shouldn't have to push your happiness down to appease other people it's okay to feel and that's okay to not be happy because happiness will come sadness will always come as a cycle um there will be times of sadness but there will also be times of happiness but you have to be willing to accept that um I feel like a lot of times we're so easy to accept the sadness but we don't want to accept the happiness because of everything else that's going on um like I know I've had moments where I'm going through stuff but working on shows with you I've worked with David and David just keeps making people laugh working with Zaire uh literally I've connected with Aaron I look at him like a brother um to the point yeah even for you uh you've hit me up a bunch of times like checking on me and that does a lot um and I would tell my younger self that people do care a lot of times I have to remind myself that people care I had a friend who um uh something happened and she took time on her day she lives far from me like an hour and a half but she still took time to just drive down to see if I was good and um sometimes you don't realize just how much people care which was brought up so I would tell myself that people really do actually care about you and it's okay to let those people in and let them know that you actually have feelings I would say savoring life's moments um on the on the drive up here right I saw a movie theater and I was a bit shocked well it was a movie theater in the Boomers right so I was a bit shocked to see the Boomers because I haven't been to Boomers since I was maybe in middle school but then to see the movie theater next to it and I said to my like I had to think back and I said the last time I was there this particular movie came out and I'm doing the math in my head and I said well I was a freshman in high school and that movie came out and I could probably tell you what that movie was because I was able to sit down and Savor that movie I want to think that was me the first time I went and saw a movie outside of like a group setting so it was me taking my little two cents and buying a ticket and getting popcorn and a drink and saying all right next time just get a a small popcorn and a small drink and you know but thinking about those moments right I think oftentimes especially this generation is so caught up in taking the pictures posting taking the pictures I'm posting that you might miss something the tour guide is saying or you might miss this moment because you're so focused on finding the right caption and so just savoring the meal savoring the conversation savoring The View and and allowing like you allowing yourself to enjoy that doing things you enjoy even because I think sometimes we do things because we're trying to keep up with the Joneses but if if you like museums and everyone else is going to parties go to the museum and enjoy what it is that you're doing it's so beautiful the idea of be um and peace and be able to just linger and lavish in peace um I would say be honest with yourself um Learning To Love Yourself is something that's been very difficult um for me and I wish I had spent more time learning how to love myself and encourage myself and how vital it is to be happy so now at this stage I spend so much energy ensuring my own happiness and it I just how far along would I have been had I started a long time ago had mastered some of those things so something as subtle is that I feel like it's so vital that they should teach it in school yeah and I would say to all the younger selves um it's very important and it's a perfect segue because we don't spend enough time learning about ourselves so systematically we're taught to go to school find a career you know there's all of these systems in place to teach us everything else except who we are as individuals and so we need to spend that time learning who we are as individuals and really focusing on that because how can I tell you what I need when I don't even know and often time that is what is happening and that's creates conflict and you know there's so many things tied to just knowing who you are so when you show up in these spaces you show up knowing who you are and you know I think that's a perfect way for us to wrap up this conversation I know I know we could be here all night yeah you have so much more to say however you know they gave me a time limit so we can't be here all night all right so but I thank you all for joining me today um it's a beautiful conversation one that is necessary and I do hope that we can continue this in other spaces and that you all continue it in your space as well you can learn more about our work with our profiles project and local Mental Health Resources on Facebook and Twitter at yoursouth FL I'm Darius Daughtry thank you for watching foreign [Music] [Applause]