IF THE FRENCH AS ANY KIND OF CONCESSION TO THE ALGERIAN DEMANDS FOR A MOSQUE, THEN THEY TOO WOULD BE PREPARED TO PULL OUT OF THE GAMES.

THIS COULDN'T BE A MORE DELICATE ISSUE AND WE HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT.

SEB, HI, HOW ARE YOU?

SEB?

THE PROBLEM WE'VE GOT IS THAT NONE OF THE WALLS OF THE BELIEF CENTRE ACTUALLY FACES MECCA.

ISLAM, BUDDHISM, HINDU... MUSLIM.

NO, WE'VE HAD THAT ALREADY.

WHAT IF WE ALL AGREE THAT NOBODY WILL EVER WEAR SHOES IN THE SHARED BELIEF CENTRE AT ANY TIME?

YES.

COOL.

DR. BENHAMADI, VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU.

WELCOME TO OUR VIRTUAL WORLD.

YES.

I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR HALF AN HOUR.

DR. BENHAMADI?

EXCELLENT.

JUST A MINUTE.

WHICH WAY IS EAST?

THEY'RE MUSLIM, IAN.

DUH.

DID YOU JUST CALL THAT GUY A DOG?

YEAH, I MEAN... WHAT?

MAN: ( ON T.V. )

COE, I THINK HE'S GOING TO GET THE GOLD!

COE HAS BEATEN CRAM!

WHAT A MARVELOUS FINISH!

AND SEB COE GETS THE GOLD MEDAL!

♪ THERE MAY BE TROUBLE AHEAD ♪ ♪ BUT WHILE THERE'S MOONLIGHT ♪ ♪ AND MUSIC AND LOVE AND ROMANCE ♪ ♪ LET'S FACE THE MUSIC AND DANCE ♪ ♪ LET'S FACE THE MUSIC AND DANCE ♪ REPORTER: ( ON T.V.)

BUT WHAT I CAN TELL YOU, KATIE, IS THAT WHATEVER THE PRECISE NATURE 'OF THOSE DISCUSSIONS WERE, AND, OF COURSE, WE DON'T KNOW THAT, UM, IN THE PAST HOUR, THE ALGERIANS HAVE NOW ISSUED A DEADLINE OF MIDNIGHT TONIGHT FOR THEIR CONCERNS ABOUT THE WORSHIP FACILITIES IN THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE TO BE MET.

AND, IF THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN, THEY ARE NOW SAYING THEY'LL BOYCOTT THE GAMES.

OH, GREAT.

RIGHT.

YEAH, GREAT.

OKAY, SO LET'S HAVE A QUICK UP-SUM OF WHERE WE ARE WITH THIS, SHALL WE?

SURE, OKAY, THAT'S GREAT.

THANKS FOR THAT, IAN.

SO, GUYS... NO, FROM ME.

SURE.

IF THAT'S OKAY.

YEAH.

TOTALLY GOOD WITH THAT.

NARRATOR: IT'S MONDAY AFTERNOON AND 2012 HEAD OF DELIVERANCE IAN FLETCHER HAS CONVENED AN URGENT SPECIAL SOLUTIONS MEETING FOR HIS TEAM, WHICH TODAY INCLUDES NEW ARRIVAL FI HEALEY ON HER FIRST DAY AT THE ODC.

SO, UH... OH, FIRST OF ALL WE SHOULD SAY, WELCOME, FI.

WELCOME.

HELLO, WELCOME.

PERHAPS NOT THE BEST DAY TO JOIN US ON BUT IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU HERE, NONETHELESS.

THANK YOU, IAN.

I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT THE DELIVERANCE TEAM.

I JUST HOPE I'LL MAKE THE GRADE.

I'M SURE YOU'LL BE FINE.

YEAH, YOU'LL BE FINE.

TOO LATE FOR THAT ANYWAY.

YOU'RE HERE NOW, LOVE.

SHALL WE MAKE A START?

YEAH.

THE INITIAL CAUSE OF THE RAPIDLY DEVELOPING CRISIS WAS AN ALGERIAN REQUEST FOR SEPARATE ISLAMIC WORSHIP FACILITIES FOLLOWING THEIR DISCOVERY THAT THE SHARED BELIEF CENTER IN THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE DOES NOT FACE MECCA.

7 HOURS 34 AND COUNTING, GUYS.

OKAY, THANK YOU, SIOBHAN.

SO I'VE MANAGED TO GET A MEETING OUT ON SITE WITH THIS GUY FROM MUSLIM FOCUS U.K.

IN ABOUT AN HOUR.

SO THAT'S ONE HOUR ZERO, GUYS.

YES, THANK YOU.

NOW THEY'RE VERY KEEN TO... BY THE WAY, PROBABLY BEST NOT TO BROADCAST THAT AT THIS STAGE.

NO, RIGHT.

THE LAST THING WE NEED HERE IS FOR ANY GROUP TO FEEL THAT WE'RE TALKING TO ANY OTHER GROUP WITHOUT BEING OPEN ABOUT IT.

RIGHT, ESPECIALLY IF WE ARE.

GUYS, THAT'S A NO-BRAINER.

YES, NO, BUT THEY'RE VERY KEEN TO DO WHAT THEY CAN TO HELP US WITH THIS, BUT WHAT I REALLY NEED IS SOMETHING POSITIVE HERE TO PUT ON THE TABLE IF THEY'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT FOR US.

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, I'M PLAYING CATCH-UP HERE...

YES.

BUT IF WE'RE THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX, FROM A LEGACY PERSPECTIVE, THE IDEA OF A MOSQUE INSIDE THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE COULD BE A VERY POSITIVE THING IN LEGACY.

RIGHT, YES.

NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

I'M AFRAID THAT'S GOING TO BE A RED RAG TO A BULL.

ABSOLUTELY, YES.

YEAH, ESPECIALLY IF THAT IS LIKE A CHRISTIAN BULL OR A FRENCH BULL.

YEAH, SO I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE PLANS... AS TIME TICKS AWAY, NICK HAS COME UP WITH A SOLUTION WHICH HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE BOTH URGENT AND SPECIAL.

SWAP IT WITH THIS ONE OVER HERE ALTOGETHER.

UH, LAUNDRY SERVICES.

STANDS ON ITS OWN, FACES NORTH-WEST.

JUST ABOUT THE ONLY BUILDING THAT DOES.

OKAY, SO LAUNDRY SERVICES BECOMES THE SHARED BELIEF CENTRE?

KNOCK AN ENTRANCE HERE, STICK YOUR WHATEVER IT'S CALLED, DOODAH, ON THE OPPOSITE WALL HERE, FACING MECCA YOU'RE LAUGHING.

THAT IS SO COOL.

WITH JUST OVER 7 HOURS LEFT UNTIL THE DEADLINE EXPIRES, A PLAN IS BEGINNING TO TAKE SHAPE.

I MEAN, WHAT'S GOOD ABOUT THIS...

IT'S NOT ACTUALLY...

IT'S NOT ACTUALLY A SEPARATE...

TOTALLY.

SIOBHAN, I'M JUST GOING TO SAY THIS.

SURE, OKAY.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THIS IS WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT SEPARATE WORSHIP FACILITIES BUT, ON THE OTHER HAND, WE CAN SAY TRUTHFULLY THAT WE'VE LISTENED TO THEIR CONCERNS AND WE CAN REASSURE THEM THAT THE SHARED BELIEF CENTRE WILL BE FULLY ALIGNED WITH ISLAMIC PRACTICES AND FAITH.

YEAH, YOU CAN SAY THAT IF YOU LIKE.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I SHOULD MAYBE ALSO JUST SAY THAT COULD WORK EQUALLY WELL FROM A LEGACY POINT OF VIEW.

WELL, GOOD.

WELL, YES, AND BEYOND LEGACY... CAN YOU GO BEYOND LEGACY?

BEYOND THAT FROM A SUSTAINABILITY PERSPECTIVE, I THINK IT COULD BE A BEACON OF INCLUSIVENESS FOR SUSTAINABLE SHARED BELIEVABILITY POST-GAMES ACROSS THE WHOLE OF THE LOWER LEA VALLEY.

RIGHT.

I REALLY THINK THAT.

GOOD.

YEAH.

GREAT JOB, GUYS.

SO THAT'S ALL GOOD.

THIS IS A SLAM DUNK.

YEAH, HAPPY DAYS.

RIGHT, OKAY.

YOU CAN GET ME ON THE MOBILE ANY TIME OBVIOUSLY.

ABSOLUTELY, YES, RIGHT.

UNLESS THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE... WITH ONE MEETING OVER, IAN IS ALREADY ON HIS WAY OUT TO THE OLYMPIC PARK FOR A KEY MEETING WITH A REPRESENTATIVE FROM MUSLIM FOCUS U.K. WITH THE WATER AT YOUR FLAT...

RIGHT.

WELL, CAN IT WAIT?

I CALLED CAPITAL CITY WATER.

OH, NO, SALLY, YOU HAVEN'T!

NO, NO, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

YES, I CALLED THEM AND SPOKE TO THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE EVENTUALLY.

GOOD GOD.

WHAT DID HE HAVE TO SAY FOR HIMSELF?

HE'S IN AFRICA AT THE MOMENT SO I HAD TO WAIT FOR HIM TO GET BACK FROM A BALLOON TRIP.

HE'S ON HOLIDAY?

YES, SO THE RECEPTION WASN'T VERY GOOD, BUT HE DID AGREE TO SEND SOME EMAILS IN THE END.

EVEN SO, THE EARLIEST THEY CAN GET YOUR WATER PUT BACK ON WOULD BE TOMORROW NIGHT.

TOMORROW NIGHT?

YEAH, OR POSSIBLY WEDNESDAY MORNING.

OH, GREAT!

YEAH, IT'S ANNOYING ACTUALLY.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT MY SISTER'S FAULT SHE'S MARRIED TO DICK DULLARD, THE DULLEST MAN IN DULWICH, IS IT?

NO.

BUT I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I SAID GOODBYE TO HIM THIS MORNING AND I AM NOT GOING BACK THERE AND SAYING HELLO AGAIN EVEN IF I END UP WASHING IN MY OWN SPIT.

YES.

UM, IF... NO, THAT'S MY STUFF.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO SPEND ANY MORE TIME ON THAT, SALLY.

YOU'VE DONE MORE THAN ENOUGH ALREADY.

NO, NO, BUT IF...

OKAY, GUYS, LET'S DO THIS.

LET'S PUT THE METAL ON THE PADDLE HERE, PEOPLE.

OKAY, I'D BETTER GO.

YES, RIGHT.

I GOT YOU THIS, JUST IN CASE.

OH, RIGHT.

WHAT'S THIS?

I JUST THOUGHT, YOU KNOW... CARAMEL SLICE.

IN CASE OF AN ENERGY GAP.

SALLY, YOU ARE WONDER WOMAN WITHOUT THE LYCRA, AND I MEAN THAT IN A TASTEFUL WAY.

NO, NO, NOT A PROBLEM.

SIOBHAN: SURE, OKAY.

NO, I GET THAT, BUT HERE'S THE THING... NO, I'M TOTALLY LOOKING AT THE STATEMENT NOW.

I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

NO, BUT HERE'S THE THING WITH THIS, WHAT DOES THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT THE OLYMPICS, OKAY?

AS THE CRISIS DEEPENS, THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND HAS ISSUED A STATEMENT URGING THE OLYMPIC AUTHORITIES NOT TO FAVOR ANY ONE SINGLE FAITH OVER ANY OTHER DURING THE GAMES, INCLUDING FAITHS THAT ARE INSISTING ON THEIR OWN MOSQUE.

I DON'T WANT TO BE CONTROVERSIAL HERE BUT MAYBE HE SHOULD JUST STICK TO SUSSEX, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE.

IT'S KENT, SIOBHAN.

EXCUSE ME?

CANTERBURY'S ACTUALLY IN KENT.

OKAY, WELL, MAYBE HE SHOULD STICK TO STUFF LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, GOD, AND LEAVE... ( MOBILE PHONE RINGING ) BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER GOD'S IN SUSSEX OR KENT, YOU KNOW.

GET OVER IT.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT THERE.

HELLO.

YES, I CAN TALK.

IT JUST DEPENDS WHAT I'VE GOT TO LISTEN TO.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

NO, THAT'S RIDICULOUS, I'M MOVING IN TONIGHT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO COURIER THEM TO SALLY IN THE OFFICE NOW.

IT'S YOUR...

MEANWHILE, IAN HAS HAD A CALL FROM HIS ESTRANGED WIFE LAURA WHO HAS BEEN REFUSING TO FORWARD THE ONLY SET OF SPARE KEYS TO HIS NEW FLAT AFTER THEY WERE MISTAKENLY DELIVERED TO HER ADDRESS BY THE LETTING AGENTS.

DON'T CARE, YOU CAN KEEP MY PASSPORT.

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I DON'T NEED A ... DRIVING LICENSE.

I'VE GOT A BIKE.

I DON'T CARE.

I DON'T CARE.

OH, RIGHT.

I SEE.

RIGHT.

THANKS.

RIGHT, BRILLIANT.

SO, HE'S CURRENTLY STUCK ON THE CENTRAL LINE DUE TO ROUTINE SIGNAL FAILURE AT MILE END.

BUMMER.

YES, EXACTLY.

OUTSIDE THE ENTRANCE TO THE OLYMPIC PARK, IAN AND SIOBHAN ARE NOW WAITING FOR SALEEM AHMED FROM MUSLIM FOCUS U.K. TO ARRIVE.

OKAY, IF WE JUST MAKE SURE YOU'VE ALL GOT YOUR PERSONAL ID TO HAND.

TOTALLY.

SPEED THINGS UP.

ID?

EITHER PASSPORT OR DRIVER'S LICENSE, YOU SHOULD HAVE THAT.

OH, RIGHT.

WELL, I'VE GOT MY ODC PASS.

OKAY, HAVE YOU TRIED USING THAT AS A PASSPORT OR DRIVER'S LICENSE?

WELL, NO, IT'S AN ID CARD.

RIGHT.

SO HOW'S THAT GOING TO WORK HERE THOUGH?

OH, GOD.

...

BRILLIANT.

IAN: OKAY, SO WHAT WE WERE THINKING WAS, AND PLEASE SAY IF ANY OF THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE... HAVING EVENTUALLY GOT ONTO THE OLYMPIC SITE, THANKS TO A CALL FROM SALLY TO THE HOME OFFICE, IAN IS IN WHAT WAS GOING TO BE THE LAUNDRY SERVICES BUILDING WITH CONSULTANT ARCHITECT MIKE WHITAKER, WHO HAS BEEN WORKING EXCLUSIVELY ON DESIGNS FOR THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS OF HIS PERSONAL LIFE.

IF IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE TO MAKE THE MAIN ENTRANCE SOMEWHERE IN THAT WALL...

OKAY, RIGHT...

...WHICH WE'VE ESTABLISHED FACES NORTH-WEST.

OKAY.

LOVELY.

THEN THE IDEA WOULD BE TO CLOSE UP THE ENTRANCE WE'VE JUST COME THROUGH.

I'M JUST TALKING BROAD STROKES HERE.

YEAH, FINE.

THEN THAT WOULD BECOME THE QIBLAH WALL.

YEAH.

THE WHAT?

WELL, TRADITIONALLY, THE... YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

...

IT.

SO WE BLOCK THAT UP.

YES, THEN PUT WINDOWS IN WHEREVER YOU FEEL APPROPRIATE.

RIGHT.

THEN IF ALL THAT IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE, I THINK WE'RE IN SOME KIND OF SHAPE.

RIGHT.

YEAH.

YEAH, FINE.

YOU SEEM VERY CALM, MIKE.

YEAH.

NO, IT'S GOOD FOR ME TO BE CALM.

RIGHT.

IT'S TOTAL MADNESS.

I MEAN, THE GUY'S TOTALLY OBSESSED BY BIKES.

THAT'S ALL HE EVER THINKS ABOUT.

RIGHT.

IT'S LONDON HE'S MAYOR OF, IT'S A BLOODY GREAT CITY.

IT'S NOT BLOODY TRUMPTON.

BACK AT THE ODC, HEAD OF INFRASTRUCTURE GRAHAM HITCHINS IS FIGHTING HIS OWN BATTLES WITH THE MAYOR'S OFFICE OVER THE ISSUE OF DEDICATED CYCLE LANES DURING THE PERIOD OF THE GAMES.

THE PROBLEM YOU'VE GOT WITH THE BIKE IS IN TRANSPORT PLANNING TERMS, YOU'VE GOT AN IMMEDIATE CATEGORY ISSUE.

CATEGORY ISSUE?

YEAH, EXACTLY.

I MEAN, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THE BIKE, NOBODY'S BEING HONEST ABOUT THIS-- BASICALLY, WHAT A BIKE IS, IS ACTUALLY A PEDESTRIAN WITH WHEELS.

AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

RIGHT.

STILL, MUST GET ON, I SUPPOSE.

I MEAN, IT'S NO GOOD PRETENDING, "OH, LOOK, IT'S A CAR.

LET'S GIVE IT ITS OWN LANE IN THE ROAD."

IT'S NOT A CAR.

I MEAN, THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "I'LL STRAP A BLOODY GREAT PAIR OF WINGS ON ME AND I'M AN AEROPLANE."

I'M NOT AN AEROPLANE.

I'M ME WITH A PAIR OF WINGS ON.

I MEAN, YOU WOULDN'T LET ME ANYWHERE NEAR THE SKY, WOULD YOU?

I WOULDN'T PERSONALLY, NO.

NO, EXACTLY.

IT'S MADNESS, IT'S TOTAL DEPRAVITY.

DEPRAVITY?

YEAH, OR, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER IT IS.

I THINK THAT'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

YEAH.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE, SALEEM AHMED FROM MUSLIM FOCUS U.K.

STILL HASN'T ARRIVED, BUT SOMEONE ELSE HAS.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHO THE HELL'S THIS GUY?

OH, SURE.

OKAY.

SIOBHAN!

HEY, RICK!

HI!

HEY.

IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU, RICK.

WOW, WHAT IS IT?

OH, STOP IT.

YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT.

GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, COME ON, I HARDLY RECOGNIZED YOU.

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

YOU LOOK SENSATIONAL.

SHE LOOKS SENSATIONAL.

YES.

HI, IT'S RICHARD.

YES, HI.

SO, IAN FLETCHER, RICHARD SALTER.

HI, AND YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY GOOD TO MEET YOU.

I'M SURE YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT AS WELL.

WELL, LET'S NOT...

THOUGH CAN I SAY, IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU SO DON'T NEED TO.

HERE'S THE THING WITH RICK.

RICK IS A REALLY COOL GUY, OKAY?

BASICALLY, HE, LIKE, RUNS THEIR MEDIA OFFICE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE'S, LIKE, A REAL VICAR OR ANYTHING.

BUT, SIOBHAN...

SO HE'S LIKE, "LISTEN, SIOBHAN, I'M TOTALLY HAPPY TO COME OUT THERE TO KICK THIS ...

AROUND."

AND I'M LIKE, "IF YOU GUYS WANT TO COME AND KICK SOME ..., HAVE WE GOT SOME ... FOR YOU."

DESPITE THE PUBLIC COMMITMENT TO A MULTI-FAITH 2012, THE SITUATION HAS SUDDENLY BECOME MUCH MORE MULTI-FAITH THAN IAN HAD BARGAINED FOR.

SIOBHAN HAS INVITED HER OWN GUEST.

SO CATASTROPHICALLY STUPID.

ANY MINUTE NOW, IF HE EVER MANAGES TO GET OFF THE CENTRAL LINE, A GUY FROM MUSLIM FOCUS U.K. IS GOING TO COME THROUGH THAT DOOR.

SURE.

KEY WORD IN THAT SENTENCE, MUSLIM.

TOTALLY.

THIS IS A GUY I'VE INVITED HERE SPECIALLY, WHO IS CURRENTLY ON OUR SIDE AND, IN GOOD FAITH, AND IN HIS CASE, THERE'S THAT WORD MUSLIM AGAIN...

COOL.

IN GOOD FAITH, IS GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO TRY AND HELP US AVOID THE REAL POSSIBILITY OF THE OLYMPIC GAMES COMPLETELY UNRAVELING IN FRONT OF OUR EYES.

SURE.

AND THE FIRST THING HE'S GOING TO SEE, WHEN HE WALKS THROUGH THAT DOOR IS US IN A HUDDLE TALKING BODY IMAGE WITH A GUY WEARING A DOG COLLAR.

SURE, OKAY.

HE COULD SO TAKE THAT THING OFF.

NO.

NO, HE WON'T MIND.

HE'S, LIKE, WAY COOL ABOUT THAT STUFF.

LIKE, HE CAME TO A PARTY ONCE DRESSED AS OLIVIA NEWTON-- SIOBHAN, PLEASE DON'T COMPLETE THAT SENTENCE.

SURE, OKAY.

THAT'S COOL.

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN HERE IS, I'M GOING TO STAND HERE AND DEAL WITH THIS CLOWN AS QUICKLY AS I CAN.

SURE.

YOU GO OUTSIDE...

OKAY, COOL.

NO, I HAVEN'T FINISHED YET.

YOU GO OUT, YOU SWEEP UP SALEEM AHMED WHEN HE GETS HERE AND ENTERTAIN HIM IN YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY UNTIL THE COAST IS CLEAR.

COOL.

GOT IT?

SURE, TOTALLY.

YEAH, GOOD CALL.

NO, I MEAN A LOTTERY'S A VERY DEMOCRATIC IDEA IN PRINCIPLE AND, OF COURSE, WE ALL... RICHARD SALTER HAS WORKED IN THE MEDIA OFFICE OF THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND FOR 4 YEARS, DESPITE BEING A REAL VICAR.

BUT IT DOESN'T HELP IF YOU'RE IN FOR 800 QUID FOR USAIN BOLT AND YOU END UP WITH TICKETS FOR WOMEN'S ASYMMETRIC.

YES.

SO WITH THIS ISSUE OF SHARED WORSHIP FACILITIES... OH, YES, OF COURSE.

I'M SORRY.

YOU MUST GET THAT ALL THE TIME.

YES, I DO, YES.

NO, I MEAN, POOR YOU.

WHAT AN UTTER, UTTER CAR CRASH.

IAN HAS DECIDED TO BRIEF RICHARD SALTER ON THE LATEST SITUATION AS A WAY OF GETTING HIM EITHER ON SIDE OR OFF SITE.

SO THIS WALL WILL, IN FACT, BE FACING MECCA FOR THOSE WHO ARE PARTICULARLY BOTHERED ABOUT THAT.

YEAH.

UM, YEAH, IT'S FASCINATING ISN'T IT?

IT'S KIND OF ALL ABOUT SYMBOLISM.

EXACTLY, YES.

WELL, IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME FOR US, WITH ALL CHURCHES KIND OF FACING EAST AT THE HOLY END.

RIGHT.

I MEAN, YOU AND I WE MAY PULL FACES, IAN, BUT PEOPLE REALLY CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF.

YES, I KNOW.

WHICH IS WHY I HAVE TO SAY THAT THE IDEA OF A SHARED BELIEF CENTRE WITH THE EMPHASIS ON SHARED, I GUESS, BASICALLY ALIGNED WITH MECCA, WITH NOT ONE WALL FACING EAST... UM, WELL, THAT'S GOING TO BE TICKLISH, I'M AFRAID.

TICKLISH?

FOR US, YEAH, I THINK SO, SADLY.

RIGHT.

WHILST IAN HAS GOT HIS HANDS FULL WITH SYMBOLISM, SIOBHAN IS BUSY BOTH MEETING AND GREETING THEIR NEXT GUEST WHO HAS FINALLY ARRIVED ON SITE.

HEY, AHMED, HEY.

SIOBHAN SHARPE, HEAD OF BRAND, 2012.

OH, RIGHT.

IT'S SALEEM ACTUALLY.

SURE.

SALEEM AHMED.

SURE.

TOTALLY.

UM, SO, HEY, THANKS FOR COMING DOWN HERE ALL THIS WAY.

NO, IT'S A PLEASURE.

ANYTHING TO HELP IN THIS SITUATION.

SURE.

TOTALLY.

SO LISTEN, YOU GOT STUCK ON THE CENTRAL LINE, RIGHT?

OH.

YEAH.

WOW.

RICHARD: NO, I MEAN, WE COMPLETELY GET THE MOUNTAIN OF CRAP YOU'RE WADING THROUGH HERE.

RIGHT.

WE COMPLETELY GET THAT.

YES.

SO IN TERMS OF POSITIVE IDEAS... WELL, I MEAN, I'M NO ARCHITECT.

NO, BUT HE IS, THOUGH.

YES.

HELLO THERE.

HI.

SORRY.

MIKE WHITAKER.

HELLO, MIKE.

MIKE WHITAKER, EMERGENCY ARCHITECT.

RIGHT.

GOT TO BE A T.V.

SHOW IN THAT SURELY.

YES.

UM, OH, THIS IS PROBABLY CRAZY, I DON'T KNOW, IF THIS BUILDING WAS SIX-SIDED OR SOMETHING... OH, RIGHT, YEAH.

THEN YOU'RE KIND OF FACING IN EVERY DIRECTION AT ONCE, WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH POSITION A FOR ALL OF US, ISN'T IT?

RIGHT.

I MEAN, MIKE... YEAH?

I MEAN, BEFORE WE DISMISS THAT, IS THAT SOMETHING WE COULD ACTUALLY CONSIDER?

YEAH, WHEN YOU SAY CONSIDER... COULD THIS BE A SIX-SIDED BUILDING?

YEAH, I MEAN, I SUPPOSE, ARCHITECTURALLY, WITHOUT GOING INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL, THE THING ABOUT THIS BUILDING IS IT'S BUILT.

WE'RE STANDING IN IT.

YES, BUT GIVEN THE SITUATION WE'RE IN, I SUPPOSE MY QUESTION REALLY IS... WELL, NO, IT'S THE SAME QUESTION ACTUALLY.

COULD THIS BE A SIX-SIDED BUILDING?

RIGHT.

I MEAN, IF PUSH COMES TO SHOVE AND IT REALLY HAD TO BE, COULD IT?

SO WHAT, WAIT, YOU WERE ACTUALLY AT MILE END?

NO, WE WEREN'T AT MILE END.

I THINK THE PROBLEM WAS AT MILE END.

OKAY, COOL.

YEAH.

I GET THAT.

SO WHERE WERE YOU?

WELL, WE WERE ACTUALLY STUCK IN A TUNNEL BACK AT BANK.

OKAY, COOL.

BANK.

YEAH.

BANK, I KNOW BANK.

ESCALATOR CITY OR WHAT?

YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, SO, WHERE DID YOU ACTUALLY GET ON?

BANK.

NO WAY.

YEAH.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?

WELL, IT'S MY NEAREST STATION.

NO!

REALLY?

SHUT UP.

SEB: WE RECOGNIZE THIS IS AN ISSUE THAT NEEDS TO BE HANDLED VERY SENSITIVELY.

THE GUYS FROM THE OLYMPIC DELIVERANCE COMMISSION ARE ABSOLUTELY ACROSS THIS, BUT WHAT I WOULD SAY TO THE ALGERIANS IS THAT THE GAMES ARE ABOUT MULTICULTURALITY.

TRUST US, EMBRACE THE CONCEPT.

THAT'S THE UNDERLYING PRINCIPLE.

COME TO 2012, CELEBRATE WITH US, AND TRUST US TO WORK OUR WAY THROUGH THESE DETAILS.

REPORTER: WELL, KATIE, THAT WAS LORD COE SPEAKING...

RIGHT, SORRY, KATIE.

YEAH, SORRY, KATIE.

WELL, AT LEAST HE'S GOT CONFIDENCE IN US.

SHOWS HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

SIOBHAN: SO, EVERYBODY, THIS IS AHMED.

IAN: RIGHT.

SALEEM: SALEEM.

SIOBHAN: SURE.

SALEEM AHMED.

COOL.

ON THE OLYMPIC SITE, THE MEETING WITH SALEEM AHMED FROM MUSLIM FOCUS U.K. IS AT LAST GETTING UNDER WAY.

THE HOPE IS THAT WITH HIS CONNECTIONS IN THE WIDER MUSLIM COMMUNITY, HE MAY BE ABLE TO POINT THE WAY TOWARDS A LAST-MINUTE SOLUTION TO THE LOOMING CRISIS.

BUT JUST TO COMPLETE THE PICTURE, THE BIG IDEA HERE, WHICH WE ARE HOPING MIGHT UNLOCK THIS WHOLE THING, IS THAT THIS WOULD IN FACT BECOME A SIX-SIDED BUILDING.

OKAY, RIGHT.

HOLY ...

WHICH FOR A SHARED BELIEF CENTRE SEEMS SOMEHOW...

YES.

CAN I STOP YOU RIGHT THERE?

WE LOVE THIS, WE LOVE SIX SIDES.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, I HAVE MANAGED TO SPEAK TO A COUPLE OF THE GUYS ARE PRETTY CLOSE TO THE ALGERIAN OLYMPIC COMMITTEE.

ALL RIGHT.

AND WHAT I CAN SAY TO YOU IS THAT I KNOW THEY'D LIKE TO CALL THIS BOYCOTT OFF.

OH, GOOD.

YAY!

YES, BUT I HAVE TO SAY, DR. BENHAMADI IS A VERY SENIOR AND RESPECTED FIGURE IN ACADEMIC AND GOVERNMENT CIRCLES OVER THERE.

YES, I KNOW HE IS.

AND IT DOESN'T EXACTLY HELP THAT ONE OF YOUR GUYS REFERRED TO HIM AS A GIANT SCHNAUZER IN ONE OF YOUR TELECONFERENCES WITH HIM.

NO, ABSOLUTELY.

SURE.

THAT DOESN'T HELP.

OBVIOUSLY WE'VE MADE A VERY FULL OFFICIAL APOLOGY ABOUT THAT.

HE SO SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR, LIKE, A BLACK LABRADOR OR LIKE...

YES.

YES, OKAY.

THANKS, SIOBHAN.

SURE.

I THINK BASICALLY ANY KIND OF DOG AT ALL IN THIS PARTICULAR CONTEXT, THAT'S NOT GOOD.

NO, ABSOLUTELY.

SO GIVEN WHERE WE ARE, THEY NEED SOMETHING NOW, MAYBE SOME SINGLE CLEAR GESTURE THAT WILL MAKE IT EASIER FOR THEM TO CALL THIS THING OFF WITH THEIR PRIDE AND DIGNITY STILL ABSOLUTELY INTACT.

TOTALLY.

WHEN YOU SAY A SINGLE, CLEAR GESTURE...

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, I'M NOT AN ARCHITECT.

NO.

YEAH, HI.

HI, MIKE WHITAKER, EMERGENCY ARCHITECT, LAUGHING IN THE FACE OF PHYSICS.

RIGHT.

I MEAN, I MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE HONEST WITH YOU GUYS, IN THE CONVERSATIONS THAT WE'VE HAD, THE THING THAT'S COME BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN IS THE IDEA OF A MINARET.

A MINARET?

OH, RIGHT, YEAH.

COOL.

I KNOW THAT MIGHT NOT BE WHAT YOU GUYS WANT TO HEAR.

WELL, NO, THAT'S... AND I KNOW THAT'S PROBABLY GOING TO GIVE YOU A HEADACHE WITH OTHER RELIGIOUS GROUPS.

BUT, BASICALLY, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, THAT'S WHAT IT'S COME DOWN TO NOW.

RIGHT.

I MEAN, MIKE, ARCHITECTURALLY... AH, RIGHT.

OH, OKAY.

I THINK HE'S GONE.

YES.

HE'S SO OUT OF HERE.

RIGHT.

SO THAT'S ALL GOOD.

ONE OF THE THINGS THEY'LL NO DOUBT BE DISCUSSING AS THE HOURS TICK AWAY, AND WE'VE GOT LESS THAN FOUR HOURS NOW BEFORE THE DEADLINE EXPIRES, WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY BE EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THE ALGERIANS ARE AFTER HERE IN DIPLOMATIC TERMS.

THE BIG QUESTION IS, OF COURSE, COULD THEY REALLY HAVE THE POWER TO START A DOMINO EFFECT HERE?

WE KNOW THAT OTHER COUNTRIES LIKE FRANCE, MOROCCO, IRAN, EVEN THE UNITED STATES, ARE LOOKING VERY CLOSELY AT THE OUTCOME OF THIS AND, IF ANYONE OF THOSE WERE TO ACTUALLY PULL OUT, THEN WE REALLY WOULD BE LOOKING AT A POTENTIALLY...

RIGHT.

OKAY.

THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT.

YEAH.

SHUT UP.

IT'S 8 O'CLOCK, AND BACK AT THE ODC THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME, OPTIONS AND ARCHITECTS.

ANY WORD ON WHERE THE HELL MIKE WHITAKER GOT TO?

YES, NO, HE'S NOT ANSWERING HIS MOBILE, SO I'VE LEFT A MESSAGE WITH HIS WIFE.

'CAUSE WE REALLY NEED HIS INPUT NOW, I'M AFRAID.

DID SHE HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE HE MIGHT BE?

YEAH, SHE SAID SHE THOUGHT HE COULD BE IN A TUNNEL.

HE'S ON A TRAIN?

WELL, I SAID THAT BUT SHE DIDN'T SEEM TO WANT TO GO INTO MORE DETAIL.

RIGHT, OKAY.

WELL, IF HE EVER COMES OUT OF IT, CAN WE GET HIM HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE?

YES, SURE, NOT A PROBLEM.

UM, SEB IS ON HIS WAY BACK FROM INDIA NOW APPARENTLY.

YES, I KNOW.

I HEARD.

AND WE HAD A CALL FROM THE VATICAN EARLIER.

THE VATICAN?

YES.

OH, GREAT.

THEY CAN'T BE PULLING OUT, SURELY.

THEY HAVEN'T EVEN ENTERED.

I SAID YOU'D CALL THEM BACK BUT I SAID I DEFINITELY COULDN'T SAY WHEN.

RIGHT.

BRILLIANT, SALLY, BRILLIANT.

NOT A PROBLEM.

NO, I'LL GIVE THE POPE A QUICK CALL LATER.

I THINK I'VE GOT HIS NUMBER SOMEWHERE.

WOULD YOU LIKE A MINT?

YES, NO, I THINK I WOULD PLEASE, THANKS.

I MIGHT JUST NIP OUT FOR A QUICK...

YES, RIGHT.

MAKE SOME CALLS, SORT OUT TONIGHT.

YEP, I MEAN, UH... NO, SALLY, NO.

NO, NO, I MEAN, IT'S NOT A... DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU'VE DONE WAY TOO MUCH ALREADY REALLY.

NO, I MEAN, UH, IF YOU REALLY DID GET STUCK TONIGHT...

I MEAN, YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T, IT PROBABLY ISN'T...

BUT I MEAN, IF YOU DID, THERE IS ALWAYS ACTUALLY THE SPARE ROOM AT MY, UH... OH, WELL, SALLY.

NO, NO, REALLY, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

I REALLY ONLY USE IT TO KEEP THE RUNNING MACHINE IN, ACTUALLY BUT I COULD EASILY MOVE THAT OUT, OR YOU COULD USE IT, IF YOU WANTED.

IT'S NOT A VERY GOOD MACHINE OBVIOUSLY.

RIGHT.

I DON'T CARE.

I DON'T EXACTLY NEED THIS CRAP TONIGHT, LAURA.

I TELL YOU, WHAT I NEED IS FOR YOU TO PUT THEM IN A SQUISHY ENVELOPE AND... AS THE TEAM WAITS FOR ARCHITECT MIKE WHITAKER TO COME OUT OF HIS TUNNEL, THERE'S TIME FOR IAN TO MAKE ONE LAST ATTEMPT TO PERSUADE HIS ESTRANGED WIFE LAURA TO FORWARD THE KEYS TO HIS NEW FLAT.

I DON'T CARE.

WELL, LEAVE THE BACK DOOR...

I DON'T CARE.

I DON'T CARE.

IAN: OKAY, GOOD.

JUST BEFORE... SIOBHAN: OKAY, SO LET'S STAY POSITIVE HERE, GUYS, OKAY?

EITHER WE BELIEVE OR WE DIE.

IT MAY FEEL A BIT LIKE WE'RE IN THE LAST-CHANCE SALOON, BUT WE... WE'RE AT T MINUS 59 HERE, GUYS, SO WHAT WE DO IS, WE GO IN, WE SHOOT THIS PUPPY, AND WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

LET'S KEEP CALM, SIOBHAN.

SURE, IAN.

SO REALLY, WHERE WE'VE GOT TO WITH THIS...

IT'S COME DOWN TO THE ISSUE OF THE MINARET.

OKAY, HERE WE GO.

A MONSTER WITH THE BODY OF A MAN AND THE HEAD OF A BULL CONFINED... NO, HANG ON, THAT'S WRONG.

THAT'S DIFFERENT.

YES.

I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY A MINOTAUR.

YEAH, IT IS.

THERE IS NOW LESS THAN AN HOUR TO GO BEFORE THE ALGERIAN DEADLINE PASSES.

A MINARET.

A TALL, SLENDER TOWER ATTACHED TO A MOSQUE, HAVING ONE OR MORE PROJECTING BALCONIES, SERVING AS A VANTAGE POINT FROM WHICH A MUEZZIN MAY SUMMON THE PEOPLE TO PRAYER.

WELL, THANKS, GRAHAM.

THAT'S HELPFUL.

MUE-ZIN.

BOTH: MUEZZIN.

MUEZZIN?

MUEZZIN.

MUEZZIN.

RIGHT, OKAY.

IT'S NOT THAT WE DON'T ACTUALLY WANT A MINARET OBVIOUSLY.

NO, BECAUSE IN TERMS OF SUSTAINABILITY...

YES, THANKS, KAY.

BUT I'M AFRAID A VISIBLE MINARET IS JUST GOING TO BE SEEN BY SOME, BY THOSE WHO... WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE SEEN BY EVERYBODY.

WELL, YES.

EXACTLY, YES.

IT'LL BE SEEN AS A PROVOCATIVE GESTURE.

SO IF THERE WAS JUST SOME KIND OF ARCHITECTURAL COMPROMISE THAT COULD GET US OUT OF THIS STICKY... HI.

AH, MIKE, HI.

MIKE WHITAKER, ARCHITECTURAL COMPROMISE, ESTABLISHED 1968.

COME IN, HAVE A SEAT.

WITH THE ALGERIAN MIDNIGHT DEADLINE NOW RAPIDLY APPROACHING, MIKE WHITAKER HAS FINALLY APPEARED, ARMED WITH OUTLINE PLANS FOR THE NEW SIX-SIDED SHARED BELIEF CENTRE.

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT AN INDOOR MINARET?

RIGHT.

INDOOR... ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

IS THAT, I MEAN, WOULD THAT STILL COUNT?

WELL, I MEAN, IT'S AN INTERESTING CONCEPT.

AT LEAST IT WOULDN'T BE AS VISIBLE, SO IT WOULDN'T BE, YOU KNOW...

IT WOULDN'T BE A MINARET.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE LEAVE THAT ON THE TABLE FOR THE MOMENT AS A MARKER?

TOTALLY, LET'S LEAVE THAT.

53 MINUTES, GUYS.

YES, THANK YOU, SIOBHAN.

YES, THANK YOU.

GONNA HAVE TO HURRY YOU HERE.

YES, YOU ARE DOING.

SURE.

HONESTLY.

IT'S LIKE DAVINA MCCALL GONE WRONG.

I MEAN, COULD THERE BE SOME FORM OF RETRACTABLE MINARET?

A RETRACTABLE MINARET?

WOULD THAT BE POSSIBLE?

NO.

YEAH, JUST REMIND ME HOW THAT WOULD... WELL, SOMETHING THAT COULD PERHAPS COME UP AT CERTAIN TIMES OF THE DAY AND THEN GO DOWN AGAIN.

OH, WHAT, YOU MEAN LIKE TELETUBBIES?

OH, RIGHT, YEAH.

COOL.

RIGHT, OKAY.

WE LOVE TELETUBBIES.

LET'S LEAVE THAT ON THE TABLE, TOO, SHALL WE, FOR THE MOMENT?

YEAH, WHY NOT?

WE'RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER TABLE HERE.

LET'S GET BACK TO BASICS.

LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING AGAIN.

52, GUYS.

MIKE, WHAT HAVE WE GOT ON THE ROOF OF THE LAUNDRY, YOU KNOW, BELIEF CENTRE AT THE MOMENT?

AT THE MOMENT, NOTHING.

JUST A CENTRAL HEATING DUCT.

RIGHT.

A HEATING DUCT?

YEAH.

HOLY ... AT THE ELEVENTH HOUR, OUT OF NOWHERE, A POTENTIAL SOLUTION MAY, AT LAST, BE TAKING SHAPE.

I MEAN, WE COULD MAKE THE SHAFT A BIT HIGHER, MAYBE BULK IT OUT A BIT.

YOU CAN HAVE A LOT OF FUN WITH CLADDING.

I KNOW I HAVE.

THE DEAL WOULD BE THEY COULD HAVE A MINARET AS LONG AS THEY DON'T TELL ANYONE THAT'S WHAT IT IS AND AS LONG AS WE CAN SAY IT'S A HEATING DUCT.

PUT A DIFFERENT COWLING ON THE TOP, MAKE IT A BIT MORE, YOU KNOW, A BIT MORE GOING ON.

GUYS, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS...

OKAY.

OH, BUGGER, I'VE LOST IT.

WHAT'S ALL THIS RED STUFF HERE THOUGH?

YEAH, NO, SORRY.

I THINK THAT'S PROBABLY BLOOD, ACTUALLY.

OH, RIGHT.

AH.

I HAD A BIT OF A MOMENT WITH THE HAND DRYER THING...

RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

I'M SORRY, KAY.

FINE.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT SUSTAINABILITY, OBVIOUSLY, BUT... THAT'S FINE WITH ME.

IT'S INTERESTING, ACTUALLY.

I HAVE TO SAY I THINK THE WHOLE HAND-DRYER THING IS ACTUALLY MORE OF A LEGACY ISSUE SO... ER, HANG ON.

LEGACY?

I REALLY THINK THAT.

RIGHT.

"MINARETS, ALSO TRADITIONALLY FUNCTIONED AS NATURAL AIR-CONDITIONING.

AS THE SUN HEATS THE BODY OF THE BUILDING, AIR IS DRAWN IN THROUGH OPEN WINDOWS THEN UP AND OUT OF THE MINARET, THEREBY PROVIDING VENTILATION."

RIGHT.

THERE YOU GO.

NO WAY!

THAT'S AMAZING.

YEAH, YOU CAN RUN YOUR ANDROID APPS OFF THAT AS WELL.

WELL, SO, A DIRECT LINE FROM CONTEMPORARY TECHNOLOGY BACK TO MORE TRADITIONAL FORMS OF, YOU KNOW, VERNACULAR... YEAH, CHIMNEYS.

TOTALLY, YEP.

OKAY, SO, I GIVE YOU THE SACRED HEATING DUCT.

YAY!

NICK: HELLFIRE.

37 MINUTES.

GOOD JOB, GUYS.

GO, ISLAM.

YEAH, ... OFF, NORMAN FOSTER.

IAN: RIGHT, SO... ... OFF.

SO THAT'S ALL GOOD.

WITH THE NEW PROPOSALS PUT TO THE ALGERIANS AND A RESPONSE NOT EXPECTED UNTIL THE MORNING, ALL THAT'S LEFT FOR THOSE OF THE TEAM WHO HAVE HOMES TO GO TO IS TO GO TO THEM AND WAIT TO SEE IF THERE'S STILL AN OLYMPICS LEFT TO ORGANIZE IN THE MORNING.

HI, SALLY.

OH, HI.

YOU ARE STILL HERE.

YES, JUST, YEAH, THOUGHT I SHOULD PROBABLY TRY AND CATCH UP WITH SOME BLOODY STUFF.

RIGHT.

JUST TO SAY, I DID PHONE A HOTEL IN THE END.

OH, RIGHT, YES.

THIS PLACE I'VE STAYED IN BEFORE JUST NEAR CLERKENWELL.

YES.

IT'S OKAY, ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT TOO BAD.

OH, THAT'S... NO, BUT THEY'RE FULL.

OH, RIGHT.

YES.

UH...

I MEAN, THERE ARE OTHER HOTELS, OBVIOUSLY.

YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

LONDON'S FULL OF THEM.

YEAH, ALL OVER THE PLACE.

BUT IT HAS GOT A BIT LATE NOW.

WELL...

SO, I MEAN, IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY SERIOUS... OH, YEAH, YEAH.

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO... NO, NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S-- BUT IT COULD ACTUALLY BE A BIT OF A LIFE-SAVER TONIGHT.

YEAH.

AT LEAST I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO HAVE A SHOWER.

I'M GOING TO STICK MY HEAD IN THE DRAGON'S MOUTH, I'M AFRAID.

RIGHT.

THE...

I'M GOING TO GO ROUND AND PICK UP THE KEYS AND STUFF FROM LAURA'S ON THE WAY.

RIGHT, YES.

IN AND OUT, SURGICAL STRIKE, FINALLY DRAW A LINE UNDER THE WHOLE SORRY STORY.

RIGHT, YES.

SO WHAT, SHALL I JUST SEE YOU THERE, THEN?

YEAH, OKAY.

GOOD IDEA.

YEP.

RIGHT.

I MEAN, DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHERE IT IS?

YES.

NO, I MEAN, YOU GUYS WERE OBVIOUSLY... BY THE NEXT MORNING, THERE HAD BEEN SIGNIFICANT DEVELOPMENTS OVERNIGHT.

AFTER STUDYING THE ODC'S REVISED PLANS FOR THE SHARED BELIEF CENTRE, THE ALGERIANS HAVE WITHDRAWN THEIR THREAT TO BOYCOTT THE GAMES.

SO NO MOSQUES AND NO MINARETS?

THESE ARE TERMS I KNOW YOU'RE KEEN TO BANDY AROUND BUT, FRANKLY, MULTICULTURALITY ISN'T ABOUT SEMANTICS, IT'S ABOUT RECOGNIZING IN THE REAL WORLD THAT ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES, WE MAY BE TRAVELING ON DIFFERENT ROADS, WE ARE ALL IN FACT HEADING FOR THE SAME PLACE, AND IN THIS CASE, STRATFORD E20, AND THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD PLACE TO BE HEADING FOR.

AND WE'RE VERY PROUD OF THAT.

IN THE DELIVERANCE OFFICE, THERE'S RELIEF ALL ROUND, EVEN IF THERE ARE SOME LOOSE ENDS FROM LAST NIGHT STILL TO BE TIED UP.

SALLY: ER, HE SENT A TEXT JUST TO SAY IT'D GOT A BIT LATE AND HE'D DRUNK TOO MUCH WINE TO DRIVE BACK TO SHEPHERD'S BUSH SO...

IN THE END, IAN DIDN'T END UP TAKING SALLY'S OFFER OF A SPARE ROOM.

UM, PROBABLY WISE, ACTUALLY, YES.

PRODUCER: AND DID HE SAY WHAT HAD HAPPENED?

ER, NO, HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SAY ANYTHING.

RIGHT.

NO, JUST A TEXT ANYWAY SO... AND WAS THAT, SO WAS THAT... NO, NO, NOT A PROBLEM.

NO, IT'S PROBABLY JUST AS WELL ACTUALLY, 'CAUSE THE SHOWER DOESN'T WORK VERY WELL.

UM, I TRIED UNSCREWING THE HEAD BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THAT STUFF SO I ENDED UP PUTTING IT IN VINEGAR.

RIGHT.

IT'S A BIT BETTER, BUT IT'S STILL A BIT, ER, COMES OUT AT FUNNY ANGLES.

I'VE BEEN SAYING FOR AGES ACTUALLY I NEED TO GET A NEW ONE.

I JUST DON'T SEEM TO HAVE TIME.

HEY!

SPEECH!

YEAH, SPEECH, YEAH.

WELL, LOOK, LET'S JUST...

OKAY, SO, GUYS, LISTEN UP, LISTEN UP.

OKAY, SO HERE'S THE THING WITH THIS, HERE'S WHAT WE DID.

WE CAME THROUGH HERE.

WE SHOWED UP, WE TOTALLY CAME TO THE PARTY, WE TOTALLY LOOKED THOSE GUYS IN THE EYES AND WE TOTALLY NAILED THEM TO THE CARPET.

GO, 2012.

GO, TEAM US.

YAY!

RIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S ALL GOOD.

FOR IAN THIS HAS BEEN A TENSE BUT ULTIMATELY TRIUMPHANT 24 HOURS, DESPITE SOME UNEXPECTED COMPLICATIONS ON HIS LATE-NIGHT MISSION TO RETRIEVE THE KEYS TO HIS FLAT FROM HIS ESTRANGED WIFE LAURA.

IAN: I MEAN, I FEEL VERY GUILTY ABOUT SALLY, OBVIOUSLY.

IT ALL GOT A BIT OUT OF SHAPE LAST NIGHT.

I WON'T GO INTO FINE DETAIL.

BUT, BASICALLY, I WAS TIRED WHEN I ARRIVED, OBVIOUSLY, AND I HADN'T EATEN AND BASICALLY I ENDED UP HAVING ONE OR TWO TOO MANY GLASSES OF AUSTRALIAN SHIRAZ.

IT WAS HER IDEA, OF COURSE.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE SHIRAZ.

BUT ANYWAY, ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND BEFORE WE KNEW IT, WE WERE HAVING THE MOST INCREDIBLE ROW.

RIGHT.

IN THE END SHE LURCHED OFF UPSTAIRS AND CONKED OUT SOMEWHERE AND I ENDED UP BEACHED ON THE SOFA ALL NIGHT.

I WAS STILL AWAKE WHEN IT CAME LIGHT.

STILL, I SUPPOSE IT SERVES ME RIGHT.

NOT QUITE SURE WHY.

SO THIS ISN'T JUST A PAN AU RAISIN, MORE LIKE A PAN AU RAISIN D'ETRE.

THAT'S A POINT, ACTUALLY.

WHERE IS SALLY?

UM...

ANYONE SEEN SALLY?

♪ THERE MAY BE TROUBLE AHEAD ♪ ♪ BUT WHILE THERE'S MOONLIGHT ♪ ♪ AND MUSIC AND LOVE AND ROMANCE ♪ ♪ LET'S FACE THE MUSIC AND DANCE ♪ ♪ LET'S FACE THE MUSIC AND DANCE ♪