VOICEOVER (VO): It's the nation's favorite antiques experts... Alright viewers?

VO: ..with £200 each, a classic car, and a goal - to scour Britain for antiques.

I'm on fire - yes!

Sold - going, going, gone.

VO: The aim - to make the biggest profit at auction.

But it's no mean feat.

50p!

VO: There'll be worthy winners and valiant losers.

Are they papier-mache buttocks?

VO: So, will it be the high road to glory or the slow road to disaster?

Ooh!

Oh!

Here we go!

VO: This is the Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

We're almost slap-bang in the middle of our trip around Bonnie Scotland.

In the company of Charlie Ross.

Sounds very Caledonian.

CHARLIE (CR): Well, that couldn't be more Scottish, could it, with the thistle?

VO: And Margie Cooper?

Bit Scottish too, don't you think?

Not one of the Coopers of Fife, by any chance?

MARGIE (MC): Oh, hecky thump!

(CHUCKLES) VO: Perhaps not.

Auctioneer Charlie was actually born a long way south of the border, in Aylesbury.

Rosco's favorite subject, cricket.

VO: Although he does own a kilt.

Whilst dealer Margie, from Blackburn in Lancashire, certainly knows what's under one.

Oh!

VO: Ooh!

But, as they've taken the high road and the low road in their Sunbeam Rapier, there's been a lot more fun than profits.

MC: Hello.

CR: What've you bought?

VO: Oh my Lord.

Settle down.

CR: What've you bought?

Well I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

If I were you, I'd cry.

VO: Charlie began with £200 and so far he's amassed a total of £309.42 to spend today.

Whilst Margie, who also started off with £200, has managed, after two trips to auction, to increase that by just £1.

CR: What do you do in real life?

Are you a dealer?

Is that your job?

MC: Yes.

Do you eat?

MC: (LAUGHS) CR: You got a home?

VO: Careful Charlie.

What's Gaelic for schadenfreude?

Charlie and Margie set out from Jedburgh, in the Borders, before traveling the breadth and length of Scotland, to reach journey's end at Hamilton, South Lanarkshire.

Today they begin in the middle of the country at Perth and head towards the North Sea coast, for an auction in Fife, at St Andrews.

The fair city of Perth in central Scotland used to be known, in medieval times, as St John's Town after the parish kirk - and somewhat confusingly, the local football team, St Johnstone, still bears that name.

CR: Have you ever been to Perth?

MC: No.

CR: It's lovely.

MC: Is it?

Yeah, I love Perth.

VO: I agree.

Especially down by the River Tay.

Plus, Perth is the birthplace of proper Scottish movie star Ewan McGregor.

MC: There we go.

CR: Perfect.

And let's go shopping.

VO: Choose antiques, eh?

CR: After you darling.

Look at all this lot.

Look at all these goodies.

Oh, wow, wow, wow!

Marvelous.

VO: Located in an old auction hall, Love has over 40 stalls, selling a mix of antiques and vintage pieces.

£12.

Cheap.

VO: There are quite a few dealers around too, as well as the manager of course.

And your name is?

Mark.

Mark.

I am going to have a good look around.

So you're the man to call?

MARK: Yep, yep.

When... CR: If I see something, I... ..negotiations are required... Incidentally, just coming in, I went past these rather splendid cannons, which I don't think the carriages have much age do they?

But the barrels are wonderful.

Yeah, they're proper bronze.

CR: And they appear to be old.

They are.

All for the bargain price of £40.

Yeah.

What, the pair?

Yeah.

Could you go wrong?

VO: Oh he could Mark, he could.

If I waved £30 in your direction, would you show me the door or would you say, "Charlie, take them away."

I would probably say 35 and we might...

I thought you might say that, it is funny that, isn't it?

I should have said 20.

(THEY CHUCKLE) Do you know, I think if I didn't buy those for 35 quid, I would be honestly stupid.

Thank you very much indeed.

How wonderful!

That's about two yards from the door.

Show's over.

Damn!

The show... Yeah.

Cheerio!

And... VO: Oh no, it's not.

Charlie's still got plenty of cash and he could easily spend more of it here.

Great.

Have you got a minute?

Yes, certainly.

VO: Meanwhile, silver expert Margie's found Jim and a fine section of cabinets.

Oh, that's cute, isn't it?

Is it silver?

Yes.

That is a nice little set.

Yeah, well, it's like...

I think it's a butter...

Think it's a cheese knife and a pickle fork?

I don't know, is it?

VO: I think there's a bit of confusion about what exactly that is.

Traveling fruit set perhaps?

For those who liked their fruit on the move.

Price £85.

Have we got a date on this?

Just see if we can...

I just love to buy silver, and I'm in a bit of trouble at the moment.

Right, so let me just take a look at that.

Sometimes they're a year out, aren't they?

Hallmarks.

Yeah, may not be a matching set.

You're hoping to find the same date letter but you don't always find the same date letter.

Sometimes it's a year or two.

JIM: That's right.

MC: And it's still alright.

MC: It's alright.

It's alright.

JIM: Yeah, it is.

Give him a ring and just say I like it, but I am in desperate trouble and it's got to be a lot cheaper than that.

Right.

Okey doke.

VO: Jim's off to call the dealer, and Charlie, flushed with his first buy of the day, is busy looking for more.

Hello sir, are you part of the establishment?

Hello Charlie.

Yes I am.

What is your name?

Donald.

Donald McDougal.

Donald McDougal!

You said that perfectly, Charlie.

I've been practicing for years, Donald!

VO: Introductions over, Donald's also got an item he's not so sure about.

DONALD: It's not got a price on it cuz I really don't know what it is and I don't know if it's got any value.

It looks old.

Is it a fly swat?

It looks to me... like a horse whip.

But...

The handle there... Actually, the handle...

But would there not be longer thongs there for... for whisking the flies?

DONALD: That's what I imagine.

CR: Yeah.

In an African, a hot African...

But you see, this looks more North American Indian to me.

And that would make it, of course... What would they use it for then?

Well, I don't know, perhaps the medicine man would have it.

Oh, you... That's it!

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

You've got it.

That's it.

VO: Lordy.

Let's leave those two to their pow-wow.

Now, what's Margie been confronted with?

VO: Another mystery object?

MARK: Well, there's a thing.

You gonna hit me with that?!

What is it?

Depends.

Now then, let me see.

Is it something to do with hair?

No, no.

Well, what's that for?

MARK: Just think of the shape.

MC: The shape.

MARK: And what on Earth MARK: you'd need that for.

MC: Are you piercing something?

And the way it's... Crumpets.

You actually think of the crumpets.

MC: Yeah, I love cru... MARK: With the little holes, MARK: the butter melts into.

MC: Oh I... Oh, I love crumpets.

Well, hence these spikes.

So you just get the dough - boomph, down.

Oh, I say, isn't that sweet?

You worked it out, so you're sure you're right?!

Well, yeah, aha.

VO: Now I'm sure Mark's convinced about its efficacy as a crumpet tool, but the last time I made crumpets, the holes appeared perfectly naturally as the batter cooked.

Now, if I showed it to Charlie and he snapped it up straightaway, you'd be thinking, "Oh, dear."

Ooh.

Playing us off.

Well...

Normally I would say 15.

20 quid would have to be it, yeah, yeah.

MC: Will it?

MARK: Aye.

VO: It's that or... MUFFIN.

Ha!

Oh, it's a bit of a hoot, isn't it?

It is, it is.

Oh, go on.

It's an absolute... yeah.

I have got to buy that, purely because I am a crumpet girl.

Oh, good!

I love a bit of crumpet.

Yes.

VO: You said it.

Great stuff, Margie.

But did Mark's mind games pay off?

Now, I know what that is... Whitefriars glass.

This style, this swirl, it... "Swir-ul".

I love the way you say "swir-ul".

Swirl.

Because in England we say "swirl", which is really boring isn't it?

Swirl.

It doesn't have the R. It doesn't give the feeling.

It doesn't.

When you say "swir-ul", it looks like a "swir-ul", doesn't it?

VO: He's right you know, and Whitefriars was an English glassmakers, which became well-known for stained glass during the 19th century gothic revival - and then in the 20th century for popularizing art deco designs.

£95.

Donald, that is fiction.

Is that your wife's price or yours?

I think if that went to auction, it would probably make £45.

Which means, 45, less commission, 4.50... DONALD: Yeah.

You're talking... CR: Seven and a half... You're talking 30 quid, yeah.

I love the way the "swar-ul" starts here.

No, no, no - "swir-ul", "swir-ul".

CR: "Swir-ul"?

DONALD: Not "swar-ul".

CR: As in squirrel?

DONALD: Ah, yes!

Aye, aye.

The swir-ul.

VO: Aye, like a language class this, isn't it?

The swirl, starts here.

Starts, and it goes up and it gets wider and wider and draws you in.

It does.

Draws you in.

Yeah, like a "whir-ul-pool".

VO: Mm.

I think Charlie's getting sucked into that bowl, and Margie seems to be about to hoover up another lot, with the very good news that the dealer will take a bargain £20 for his silver knife and fork.

That has got to be £20 worth.

It's not going to make me a fortune.

JIM: It's more than £20 worth.

It the sort of... My sort of kit, this.

Just make sure there's no repairs on this, before I... MARK: Commit, yeah.

MC: ..commit myself to this vast sum.

VO: Cheeky!

Yeah, go on then, that is fine.

That is lovely.

Yeah.

Safe bet, I would say.

Safe bet, safe bet for a tenner or 15 quid profit.

I think I might be done.

You've never been done in here!

VO: Quite, and just as Margie was heading for the door, young James has come up with something else to tempt her.

Oh, an umbrella with an ivory handle.

Yeah.

VO: Not for everybody but under the 1947 CITES agreement, it's legal to trade ivory items from before that date.

Well, I'm not gonna put it up in here cuz I'm superstitious.

JIM: Right.

MC: Shall we... Can I go out?

Yeah.

VO: Wise.

MC: Want to see what state it's in.

Wahey!

Yeah, that's quite pretty, isn't it?

How old is that?

I think 1930s.

Yeah, 1930s, yeah.

VO: Yeah but how much is it?

JIM: That would cost you a whole £5.

Yeah.

VO: Sounds good Margie.

With prices like that even you can be decisive.

Come on then.

Oh, isn't he good?

So I'm going to have your parasol at the bargain price of £3.50.

Done.

VO: That was cheeky!

I have been!

I was only joking.

No, no.

I was only joking.

No, have it for 3.50.

MC: (LAUGHS) Go on.

I'm going to give you a kiss now.

VO: So Margie, for a total spend of just £43.50, leads Charlie by three lots to one.

But he and Donald are still "swir-uling" around that Whitefriars.

AS DONALD: That 30 quid Charlie offered me for my Whitefriars is probably a cracking good price.

Oh, I think I would need half that again, Charlie.

That's 45!

45.

That just wipes my nose.

The thought of coming all the way to Perth, simply to wipe your nose is not one that is foremost in my mind!

Go for 40, Charlie.

Give a boy a break.

It is like the swirl and the skirl of the pipes.

I can hear the pipes at the auction room as you walk in with this.

VO: Ooh here he goes.

# Campbeltown Loch I wish you were whisky # Campbeltown Loch, och aye.

# I've got a wee flask here, Charlie.

VO: Ha!

Steady, Donald!

CR: # I would drink you dry.

# DONALD: Go up a wee bit and do a deal.

Because I don't want to be shouting, "Get the police - I've been robbed."

CR: 35?

DONALD: 37.

DONALD: (SNORTS) CR: (LAUGHS) Sorry, excuse me, my nose.

Gosh, when my nose gets cold I know I'm getting close to a sale.

VO: This chap's good you know.

DONALD: You're breaking my heart.

CR: Give him the money.

And Donald...

It's been a pleasure.

Donald, are you happy with that?

Listen, Charlie, only you, my friend, could have got that out of me.

VO: So £72 spent, and after a mutually fruitful start to the day, it's time to leave the fair city.

CR: Margie, no!

VO: And take the short ride from Perth to the village of Glencarse.

MC: So here you are.

CR: Oh!

Don't I bring you to some good places?

You do.

I feel a massive profit coming on.

Bye darling.

Mwah.

VO: This looks a very fine establishment.

Hello?

CR: Hello?

DEALER: Hello.

VO: Hello.

CR: Charlie Ross is the name.

Pleased to meet you.

Michael Young.

Michael Young.

Does it say Michael Young above the door?

It certainly does, yeah.

But it says "established 1887".

Yeah, that's not me, I'm not that old, Charlie.

VO: I'm sure there are plenty of claimants to Scotland's oldest antiques dynasty, but Young's are 127 years old, and the fourth generation seems to be ensuring that they are still going strong.

There's just fabulous quality, regency, William IV, Georgian furniture.

90% of the things here are things that I love but can't afford.

VO: Relax, Charlie.

Enjoy the surroundings, and I'm sure something will turn up.

These are quite interesting.

Do you fancy a crack at those?

Cuz I am not entirely sure of the purpose of them.

I thought they were decorative, rather than practical.

Are they sort of ceremonial or something?

They could be, they almost look like they should be crossed in some sort of crest or...

I don't know.

Yeah, that is a point.

VO: More mystery objects eh?

CR: Are they spears?

DEALER: Yeah.

CR: Or paddles?

I think they're spears because they are too pointed aren't they?

They're nice and sharp, aren't they?

They've got this sort of spade end to them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What fun!

VO: Of course there's always a risk that no one at the auction will know what they are either.

Anything else?

This is a beaut.

That's a beaut.

Silver... That's... Yeah, that's not in my price range.

Chester hallmarked.

Great face.

And it's been a fighting dog, because he has lost a little bit around the ear.

I don't know why I'm looking at this.

This is not gonna be in my price range, is it?

Do you know what?

It is 250.

Yeah, it suits you, you've got to have it.

VO: Looks the part.

But he can't afford it Michael.

There is another nice dog head here actually.

This is an umbrella.

And I think that is a different sort of thing, parasol.

That is actually wood, isn't it?

Yeah, it's wood, yeah, it is beech, but it's nicely carved.

OK, he's missing an eye but that's reflected in the price which is... would be a bargain at £30, Charlie.

£30!

You couldn't not buy it, Charlie.

Blimey O'Riley, you've rather knocked me sideways there.

He's a whippet I think, isn't he?

A whippet, is he?

Yeah.

It is the greyhound family, isn't it?

Very long nose.

We'll settle that, and we'll settle at £30, Charlie.

Hang on...

I have... No... Just don't pressurize me.

Now, you know, be reasonable to an old man.

I've... Oh, don't open it inside, that's bad luck, isn't it?

VO: No Charlie, not when things were going so well.

If I offered you £25 would you show me the door or would you actually say, "Charlie, for you, you can have it for 25 quid"?

I would say... Charlie, for you, you can have it for £25.

DEALER: Quality.

CR: Put it there.

VO: Just £25 spent and Charlie already has three lots for a fraction under £100.

But while Charlie's been buying brollies, Margie's motored west, leaving Glencarse and heading deep into the Perthshire countryside, towards the hamlet of Innerpeffray... ..to seek out Scotland's oldest public library.

What a beautiful place.

But surely not a place to find a library?

VO: Press on though, because the library at Innerpeffray is really quite a treasure, and Margie's here to see it the company of Lara, the keeper of the books.

Welcome.

Thank you so much, what an intriguing place.

The collection and the library upstairs.

So, if you would like to go on up.

MC: Oh, I would love to, yeah.

LARA: Go on up.

VO: The library was created by local landowner David Drummond, 3rd Lord Madertie, in 1680 - a time when lending books to ordinary people free of charge was unheard of.

Using Drummond's personal supply of books, it was originally sited in this medieval chapel, and then in the 18th century, relocated to a purpose-built space next door.

Wow!

Lovely books.

Yes.

Now... And most of these originals, 17th century?

We've got about 5,000 books today.

But we started with just 400.

And these all belong to our founder.

Right, but 400 was a lot of books.

It certainly was.

Yeah.

Books like this one here.

The book itself was written by Holinshead.

And this is a very famous book.

It is famous because there is a certain story in it concerning a Lord Macbeth... MC: Ah!

LARA: And his sergeant, Banquo.

LARA: Yes.

MC: Really?

Who are traveling towards Forres and a conversation they have with three weird sisters.

"The first of them spake and said, " 'All hail Macbeth.

Thain of Glamis.'

" Oh, Thain of Glamis, that is amazing, isn't it?

LARA: It's printed in 1577.

MC: When was Shakespeare?

He wrote Macbeth in 1603 I think.

Right.

So this could be the inspiration of the Macbeth of the... That's generally what is thought, yeah.

Good gracious me, that is unbelievable.

Plagiarism.

Well, we call it that today, but that was what people did.

VO: Many of the original 400 volumes are signed by the founder and they include some very rare treasures indeed, such as the Henry Great Bible from 1539.

So it's the first complete bible in English.

Right.

LARA: And I just wanted to show you this beautiful front piece for the New Testament.

Good gracious me.

And there he is, the man himself.

Oh, gosh, dreadful man - how he could dare to connect himself with religion!

This will amuse you then, because the people are not praising God.

MC: Yeah, they're praising him.

LARA: They're praising the king.

MC: "Long live the king."

LARA: "Vivat Rex."

Oh!

Honestly!

That man!

(THEY CHUCKLE) VO: Astonishingly, up until 1968, every one of these books was available for the public to take home - and they traveled as far as 20 miles each way just to do so.

It must seem surprising that there were so many readers, but thanks to the Scottish government's enlightened policies, literacy levels have been healthy here for some time.

And perhaps the most fascinating book in the library is the borrowers' register.

They didn't have a library card.

No.

They wrote a promise in the book.

A promise to return the book safe.

Ah, isn't that lovely?

See if you can...

So August 1st 1788.

Yeah.

"We at Crieff borrowed out of the library of Innerpeffray "Locke Volume the Third, Cowley's poems, "and Johnson's lives, "which we promise to return safe, in a month."

VO: Nowadays, visitors from North America and Australia are especially interested, as they seek out everything they can about their ancestors, including their reading habits.

Something David Drummond could never have envisaged.

LARA: Just before you go, I've got something a little bit different to show you.

Oh my goodness, what is this, mugshots?

It does look like that, doesn't it?

It is the ancient, highly scientific and of course, completely accurate... MC: Yeah?

LARA: ..guide to metoposcopy.

Lines on your face?

Lines on your face... Reading character by the lines on your forehead.

I think I've found me here.

Oh brilliant.

So what does the book say about you?

MC: It's good, it's good.

LARA: It's good.

Yeah, it's very good.

"Such lines signify MC: "riches and good fortune.

LARA: Well I hope so.

I'm not so sure that is right!

VO: Time will tell, Margie.

But that picture looks a bit more like Rosco to me.

Ha!

Night-night, you two.

Be good.

VO: Next morning, Rosco's in a provocative mood.

If you're going to catch me, you've got to spend the lot, girl.

VO: Well, judging by yesterday's performance, Margie has every intention of hanging on to quite a bit of it actually, parting with just £43.50 for three lots.

That's such a funny thing.

VO: Leaving her with almost £160 in her pocket.

Whilst Charlie was the biggest spender by far, splashing out almost £100, also on three lots.

It looks like a swir-ul, doesn't it?

VO: Leaving him with over £200 to spend today.

Now for their next stop in the city of St Andrews.

Although after a bit more road running, they'll be back there later for the auction.

CR: We're heading into St Andrews.

MC: I know.

CR: The home of golf.

I know.

I know it doesn't do much for you, but I can't tell you how excited I am.

VO: And who could blame you, Charlie?

Of course St Andrews bears that title because The Royal and Ancient has authority over the game itself and also because of the famous Old Course - a frequent venue for the British Open.

CR: I've got to stop, I've got to stop, I've got to stop.

This is heaven, look at this.

Look at this.

What club do you think it is, Margie?

MC: (LAUGHS) CR: I think it's an eight iron.

MC: Not a clue.

VO: Behave yourself Charlie!

CR: Nine iron?

MC: Will you please get..?

Will you get back in the car please?

VO: Really.

CR: You're going to be rummaging, aren't you?

I certainly am.

Oh, that's the right spot for you.

Bye darling.

Bye.

Be lucky.

MC: Good morning.

DEALER: Good morning.

MC: And you are?

DEALER: I'm Tommy.

Tommy, Margie Cooper.

Very pleased to meet you Margie.

And you too love, I'm going to have a quick spin around... DEALER: Of course.

MC: ..and see if I can find anything that appeals.

VO: Yesterday, Margie made short work of teeing off, but I think that Rummage may just slow her up.

Oh, £250?

My word.

(CHUCKLES) That's a whopping price, isn't it?

VO: There's a mixture of genuine antiques and reproduction items here.

But hopefully Tommy can hustle Margie towards the bargains.

There is an antique to fit all budgets in Rummage, I like to think.

VO: That's the spirit!

Good luck you two.

Now what about Charlie, elsewhere in St Andrews?

Artisans Antiques boast quite a lot of vintage.

But Charlie's determined to seek out the older stuff, it seems.

It's got a little bit of pitting, so it could well be the original glass.

But it's a genuine antique and that's what I'm looking for.

VO: This is all getting rather competitive, you know.

What with Margie stuck for a bargain down the road and now Charlie with a newfound determination...

I've got over £200 left.

My temptation is to just spend, spend, spend, but perhaps I ought to change the habits of a lifetime and only buy something that I know has got a profit in it.

VO: Well, your best bet, I hear, is to head over to Jim's corner.

Aha, now we have had some recent luck, have we not, with silver top jars?

VO: Good point.

That's rather sweet, isn't it?

Hobnail cut jar.

It's got a little dent in it but that's not too bad, is it?

Cut glass and silver atomizer.

How art deco is that in design?

I think it could well be American.

£24.

I think that's fab.

I don't like the price, but then have I ever seen a price that I liked?

Now, we were talking about that atomizer.

That is a traditional atomizer.

There is a plus to this one, insomuch that the neck here is hallmarked silver, and it's Birmingham, and I just think that that other one is so much more stylish.

VO: Crikey, there's even more.

Isn't that a beautiful shape?

Lovely.

Wrong stopper.

What a shame.

VO: Is that a magic cupboard?

Nicely done.

And nicely cut body.

Very sweet, isn't it?

VO: Time to talk to Jim about those.

Hello Jim, I'm Charlie.

How do you do, Charlie?

Nice to meet you.

I'm admiring your cabinet.

Thank you very much.

If I said to you, "How much would the five pieces be?"

what would be the answer?

60.

And that's cheap.

If I offered you a £50 note for the whole lot, would that do it?

Tell me if it's... Are you sure?

Happy?

You're not going to regret it?

No.

£50!

VO: Well, that's some lot you've got there, Charlie.

What'll Margie make of it?

Margie, guess who's bought more silver!

VO: Any progress down the road, I wonder?

DEALER: We have got this nice screen over here.

MC: Hmm.

Does that catch your eye?

Oh, the screen, oh, gosh, yeah.

I think that's got 65 on it.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

VO: I think that's a no, no, no.

It's got to register with you, hasn't it?

You know?

Of course, of course.

And if it doesn't register...

It's not striking a chord?

No, bless you, it's not.

No, it's not.

VO: Sorry, Tommy.

We're used to it by now.

A moany old thing, aren't I?

DEALER: (CHUCKLES) VO: Tommy's wisely refraining from commenting.

But Margie does seem to have a real dilemma.

It is a lovely shop but, you know, I'm really trying to make some... some profit.

And I don't think I'm going to find it here.

VO: Ah well, perhaps it's time to move on, girl.

Do you want to throw me out?

If that's the way it has to be.

Oh God, I feel awful now.

Sling your hook.

Oh, bless him!

VO: So, while Margie takes her business elsewhere... ..Charlie's on the road.

Heading into rural Fife, from the home of Golf, to the even more splendidly-titled Milton of Balgonie... ..to meet Britain's foremost meteorite hunter.

Oh.

Hi, Charlie.

ROB: Lovely to meet you.

CR: Rob, meteorite is it?

ROB: Meteorites.

CR: Yeah?

Yes.

Would you like to see some?

I'd love to see some.

Come on in, we'll show you around.

CR: Crikey, this is amazing.

What is the definition of a meteorite?

Well, a meteorite is a rock from outer space.

It comes from way out there.

CR: Yeah.

ROB: Beyond the orbit of Mars.

It's a piece of the asteroid belt itself.

VO: A meteorite is called a meteoroid before it meets the Earth's atmosphere, at which point it generally causes it to disintegrate, scattering debris.

It hits the atmosphere at 20 miles per second.

And at those kind of speeds, I mean, it doesn't stand a chance, and it just fragments, but what you actually get landing on the Earth are, maybe if you're lucky, the size of something like this.

That would be an exceptionally large piece.

Blimey.

You wouldn't want that coming through your roof.

No, you wouldn't.

It's very heavy.

It is, it's got iron within it.

VO: Thankfully most meteorites have very little impact on the human population, but they can be extremely valuable.

One of the reasons that Rob has made it his life's work to track them down, wherever they descend on Earth.

CR: And where did that land?

ROB: Burkina Faso.

Africa.

CR: Where?

So how did you acquire that?

I bought that from the finder.

Some of them are pretty ugly.

But occasionally you get meteorites which are sculpted...

I love the thought of a beautiful meteorite against an ugly meteorite!

VO: Rob gets out his detector to hunt meteorites in the UK as well.

It's a tiny target from space, so when they do land here, they're worth quite a bit more.

Rob, a former designer of military control systems, has also been known to supply the odd celebrity with a meteorite too.

Like Michael Jackson.

ROB: His team got in touch with me and said that they want a meteorite in the shape of a star.

I said, "Well, I can't...

I can't do that.

"I can give you a meteorite."

And Michael Jackson was really happy with it.

Could you... You couldn't cut a bit into a star?

It seemed like a lot of messing around, ROB: so I didn't!

CR: Yeah, yeah.

VO: In February 2013, a meteor made front-page news when it hurtled towards the Ural mountains, and nobody wants to be hit in the Urals.

ROB: This is a piece of the Russian meteorite, which caused so many problems in the news.

CR: How did you get hold of that?

ROB: I offered a reward to the residents of Chelyabinsk and got them all out hunting.

Have you been out there?

I couldn't, I work for the military, and Russia wouldn't give me a visa.

CR: But I could go on your behalf?

You could go, yeah.

I'd tell you what to look for.

I'd loan you the metal detector and the meteorite cane and... We go 50/50?

We'd be quids in.

Is there an export license?

60/40 I think.

What, in my favor?

Well... Well I don't know!

(THEY CHUCKLE) VO: Charlie hasn't got the time to head off to Russia, but he does want to buy one more lot for the auction.

So does Rob have an affordable meteorite?

This is the same meteorite fall as the Burkina Faso one that we discussed.

CR: It's got a lovely sheen to it.

ROB: Mm.

CR: And the age of that?

ROB: The Earth age is... CR: Yes.

ROB: Well, it fell in 1960, but its cosmic age...

Yes?

Four and a half billion years.

VO: Older than Charlie then.

CR: Four and a half billion years old.

How much would that cost an old antique dealer?

If I was selling that to a collector... Yeah?

..it would probably be in the hundreds, but to yourself, um... what does £30 quid sound like?

Absolutely amazing.

I've got no comparison to go with.

ROB: No.

CR: But I was wondering whether to negotiate but...

ROB: Negotiate by all means.

What about 20 quid?

Looks like we've settled on 25.

(THEY CHUCKLE) You're a born negotiator.

VO: Well, that probably makes it the oldest thing that's ever been bought on the Road Trip.

Meanwhile, on Earth, in St Andrews, Margie's still on the back nine.

But Charlie's old shop is around here somewhere...

This must be it.

VO: Now she's found the right place, let's just hope our Margie heads over to see Jim.

Oh... Oh, no... VO: Oh, well done, Margie.

Ooh!

(CHUCKLES) Thank goodness I didn't break anything!

VO: Yes, quite.

Keep in his good books and you might get some bargains - the ones that Charlie hasn't already snaffled.

Ah, what have we got in here?

I've seen something I like.

Are you ready for this?

This is a capstan inkwell, silver one, quite a nice design.

A little bit bashed.

VO: At least it wasn't by you, I suppose.

It's deco really, isn't it?

1930s.

Needs a bit of TLC.

But the price has got to be right.

MC: Jim, can I have some help?

JIM: Yeah.

Certainly, no problem.

Your little deco capstan inkwell, which has had a bit of a life.

65?

Isn't it?

But you know, can that be... a cracking deal?

Ask away.

It all depends on what you paid for it, cuz I don't want you to lose money.

But... Pff!

I was thinking... 35?

I could do it for 40.

And that gives me a little bit.

Does it?

Yeah, it gives me a little bit.

Is there any chance...?

JIM: Of...?

MC: Just easing it a bit?

I'll take another fiver off it, and that's... Ooh!

Me glasses...

Shock!

Shock!

Horror!

VO: I think she's pleased.

So £35.

Well, I've got to have that.

Thank you very much.

VO: But is there anything else?

Bearing in mind that it's getting late.

Right, come on, what have you got that I can make a profit on?

Come on, you're a good old dealer.

I have fallen on my derriere with these.

Oh, it's 20 quid though.

I can do that for five.

VO: Blimey Jim!

There you go, there's a bargain for you.

Oh God, I hate them.

I hate them.

(CHUCKLES) JIM: It's a nice piece of wood.

Yeah, it is a nice piece of wood.

My dad used to do that every morning, on the wall - he used to tap the thing and annoy me.

VO: This is all a bit like yesterday, when Margie managed to get that parasol for a knockdown price.

Now, we have another weather-related item and she's being a bit sniffy about it.

JIM: £4.

MC: So the two are... (CHUCKLES) ..38.

Good try.

No, the two are 39.

Yeah, OK, let's go for it.

Can I shake your hand?

You certainly can, miss.

MC: Thank you.

JIM: Thanks.

VO: Phew!

Now that Margie's got her final lot, it's time to take a look at what they've bought.

MC: Get 'em off.

CR: Get 'em off?

MC: Get it off!

CR: OK, I'll get 'em off.

Ah, you see, everybody who plays the game with me always buys silver and I struggle to find any.

Do you?

Because you've mopped it all up.

Where did you buy all that?

I bought that in the shop I went to today that you followed in afterwards.

VO: Yep, Charlie's mopped it up.

Now, do tell me how much for the five.

For the five, I paid 50 quid for the lot.

Hmm.

Tenner apiece.

Yeah, fair enough.

Is that alright?

MC: Yeah, it's alright.

CR: Yeah.

MC: I like that.

CR: Yeah.

Look at that, look at that doggy's head.

CR: It's beechwood, it's not... MC: Yeah, oh, how lo... MC: Oh, that's really nice.

CR: Isn't that fabulous?

CR: Isn't that beautiful?

MC: That could make £55 to £60.

SING-SONG: Paid 25.

VO: Now will she be gunning for those?

CR: I think... Tell me what you think.

MC: They are very decorative.

CR: Well, I think the carriages are postwar.

They're horrible.

These are rather nice.

But I think these barrels might be earlier.

MC: Do you think so?

CR: That decoration.

No, definitely bronze.

With a bit of verdigris sprayed on.

I like a bit of verdigris sprayed on.

And there is me coup de grace.

Oh, what is that?

It's a meteorite!

Oh, my gosh!

I bought it from my man.

How old is that?

Er... about five billion years.

VO: That's aged since you bought it, Charlie.

And he sold it to me for £25.

I do not know whether that's going to make £250 or £2.50 but I love it, and if I was allowed to, I'd buy it myself.

MC: Are you finished?

CR: Yeah.

VO: Time for Margie's inexpensive collection.

MC: You ready?

CR: Hello.

MC: Now...

I know where you bought that.

Yeah, James, Jimmy.

Cuz it was in the same cabinet as these.

Oh, you cleaned out...

I thought there were a lot of gaps in there.

I thought I'd leave you something.

MC: I hate these.

CR: I loathe them.

But I mean, my back is to the wall.

Is it not?

It certainly is if you bought that.

You don't know how much I paid for those two together.

I don't.

I don't.

I think that, at auction, will make about 50 quid.

Mm?

And that will make... 10 to 15.

Four quid... and 35, made 39.

CR: You bought that for 35?

MC: I did.

You're a clever clogs, aren't you?

Clever clogs.

MC: This is... CR: What on Earth is this?

Oh, now, this is just for you.

But you've got to guess.

Right.

Is that alright?

Right.

CR: Oh, hang on.

Oh.

MC: Hey.

CR: Oh, it's one of those.

MC: Is it?

Yes.

Doesn't juice something, does it?

No.

No.

You're never going to guess.

Oh, hang on - it's not for crumpets, is it?

Oh!

Oh, is it a crumpet maker?

That's fab!

How did you guess that?

I don't... Because I am a genius.

VO: Well, I think you're both wrong.

This is, um...

It's about the same sort of genre.

You can actually put that up, because it's not damaged.

Like a Scottish thistle, and you know how much I paid for it?

£3.50.

Well, you've done well, actually.

You're not gonna make hundreds but you're back on the road.

Back on the road.

Miss Cooper is back on the road.

Come on.

VO: But what do they really think?

I think Charlie is playing a very, very good game.

CR: Her lovely little knife and fork, in the presentation box, at 20 quid, is frankly a steal, she will double her money on that.

I'm quite happy that I've just kept it small and not spent a lot of money.

But unless I have a complete disaster, I will still be ahead.

VO: After starting out in Perth, today's rumble will wrap up at an auction in Fife, at St Andrews.

Once they get over the links... Shall we go across here?

Look, let's pretend we're on a golf course.

VO: Patience, Charlie.

Steady on.

MC: We've got an exhaust pipe to worry about.

That's the least of your worries, your exhaust pipe, I can tell you!

MC: This is not Wacky Races!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

VO: Get back on the road, you two.

MC: Mind that tuft!

CR: Oh, my goodness!

Hang on.

Blimey.

Hang on matron!

VO: Certainly.

Welcome to Macgregor's, a St Andrews institution since 1857, and also a funeral director's.

Charlie and Margie may be a tad disappointed to discover that Macgregor's has no website or online listing.

But it does have Ian Urie and wife Sandra, who preside in their own unique fashion.

Two, three... Oh, there's nice earrings in there.

..four, five.

VO: Oh my.

Charlie began with £309.42 and he's spent £172 of it, on five auction lots.

Shake me by the hand, sir.

VO: Whilst Margie started out with £201, and she's parted with a mere £82.50, also on five lots.

..kiss there.

VO: Now, time for Ian Urie to hit them with his auction stick.

150 people here?

Plenty of people for my things, I don't think there will be anybody for yours.

Oh God, lot number five.

VO: Charlie's scent bottles, and much more.

And the bid is with me at £16.

IAN: 17, 18, 19, 20.

MC: They're going.

22, 24, 26, 28, 30, 32, 34.

Any advance on £34?

VO: Blimey, Charlie, that's a poor start.

Oh, it's not much of a loss.

VO: Charlie.

Charlie!

VO: I'm worried about his Whitefriars now.

IAN: Who'll start me off at £1?

VO: Eh?

Any advance on £1?

MC: Oh, you are joking.

Three, four, five, six, seven.

VO: Slowly does it.

IAN: ..nine, 10.

Any advance on £10?

Here 11, 12, 13, 14.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe this.

It's getting there, it's getting there.

18, 19.

IAN: Any advance on £19?

MC: Oh, please.

MC: (GASPS) 20.

VO: Oh, it's going on!

Ha!

IAN: 22, 24, 26.

VO: We're going to be here all afternoon.

28, 30, 32.

Any advance on £32?

MC: Oh, dear, dear, dear.

VO: Gosh.

MC: Oh, dear.

CR: (FEIGNS SOBS) How's the rest of the day going to go?!

VO: Well, that's a very reasonable bit of Whitefriars for someone.

How could you start a Whitefriars bowl at £1?

I know.

VO: Well, he did.

CR: £1.

MC: I know.

CR: A £1.

VO: OK. Margie's barometer can't fail though, can it, surely?

I am bid £6.

VO: Ah, a commission bid.

MC: £6 - I've made a profit.

IAN: Any advance on £6?

Seven, eight, nine.

Any advance?

This is stratospheric.

10, 11, 12.

Any advance on £12?

MC: (LAUGHS) CR: Margie!

MC: A profit!

VO: Margie's miserly spending could pay off here, you know.

MC: Tripled it.

CR: You tripled your money.

I've tripled my money.

Ah, this is a one... one-way ticket to success.

VO: How about Margie's even cheaper parasol?

£1 anyone?

IAN: Two, three... VO: He's started at £1 again.

..five, six, seven, eight.

VO: He's going... the entire way... in £1 bids.

IAN: 13, 14...

This is fantastic.

17.

CR: 18, 19, 20... Well, I am surprised!

VO: Look at that.

IAN: £22.

24.

VO: (LAUGHS) Oh, my little man over there.

This is fantastic.

Oh!

He's on fire, that auctioneer!

VO: The sun continues to shine on Margie.

Time for Charlie's broadside.

Are they going to go with a bang?

VO: Or perhaps a whimper?

IAN: £1 anyone?

MC: Oh, no.

VO: He started at £1.

IAN: Two, three... MC: Oh, please.

This is... IAN: ..four, five... CR: It cost £35 CR: and he's started them at £1.

MC: They'll get there.

10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.

16?

17, 18.

VO: What an extraordinary auction.

20.

Any advance on £20?

VO: This is definitely not Charlie's day.

You'll need a tablet.

I could have taken them to the scrap merchant and made more money than that.

VO: What about his whippet-handled parasol?

Give me £1.

Pay £1 for it.

Two, three, four, five, and six.

VO: Here we go again.

Eight, nine, 10.

MC: That man's buying everything.

Do you know, I thought I'd completely stolen this at 25 quid.

Any advance on £15?

VO: Someone's acquired a bargain brolly.

I'm feeling a bit sorry... Are you alright?

MC: Are you alright, Charlie?

CR: I'm struggling.

VO: Now for the inkwell that Charlie could have bought.

And the bid is with me at £32.

Look at that!

32 quid and you're off.

38, 40, 42.

Any advance on...?

44, 46.

Oh, Margie, oh.

52, 54, IAN: 56, 58.

VO: Gosh!

Any advance...?

To think I could've bought this.

MC: You could.

VO: But you didn't.

That's a really good price.

It just goes to show that I bought crap and you bought good things.

VO: Steady, Charlie!

I'm not sure you're right either.

You could come here with a couple hundred quid and buy the whole sale, couldn't you?!

VO: Another quality item.

Margie's little silver set.

Butter knife and butter-pat fork.

(THEY CHUCKLE) And the bid is with me at £18.

Any advance on...?

There's that lady in the front row - she's such a good buyer.

22.

Any advance on £22?

I'd buy that over and over again.

£22.

VO: You almost got away with it, Margie.

I mean, it was Edwardian, it was right... Join the world of disappointments.

In perfect condition, in a box, with pearl handles.

Shut up, Margie, you're boring yourself!

Oh, sorry!

VO: "Victorian kitchenalia" is how they're now describing the alleged crumpet maker.

It could be a loss maker.

Lot 84 is the mystery object.

A mystery object.

BOTH: Ohh!

VO: I wonder where the bidding will start.

IAN: Who wants it for £1?

VO: There we go.

Two, three, four, five, six.

Any advance on £6?

Oh, there's a man of discernment.

Eight.

Nine.

And no small wealth - he probably knows what it is.

Any advance on £10?

VO: Mm.

That one didn't rise to the occasion, did it?

Ha!

I don't care what it is - I've lost £10.

Yeah.

I'm quite pleased, really.

VO: Watch out, Charlie.

Heaven knows what will become of your meteorite.

A little piece of heaven on Earth.

I have never seen an auctioneer look so excited.

And the bid is with me at £22.

CR: Ah, worth something.

MC: You're in.

Any advance on £22?

MC: You're joking!

No other bids.

Nobody else knows what a piece of heaven on Earth is.

VO: Quite.

Charlie's lost on every single lot.

Do you know what I think of this auction?

MC: (LAUGHS) This is what I think of my auction.

Well, I've climbed back.

I don't care.

MC: (LAUGHS) CR: Come on then.

VO: So it's Margie who's the winner today.

Charlie started out with £309.42, and after paying auction costs, he's made a loss of £71.14, leaving him with £238.28 and a narrow lead.

And he's not happy.

While Margie began with £201, and after paying auction costs, she made a profit of £20.82, leaving her with £221.82 to spend next time.

CR: Oh.

Right.

MC: You alright?

Fit to drive?

CR: Let's get out of here.

MC: (LAUGHS) CR: Sharpish.

You're brilliant, and I'm rubbish.

VO: Next time on the Antiques Road Trip, Charlie hits the net.

Very good, well done.

Yes, a goal!

It's a goal.

VO: But Margie pulls the strings.

12, 15, 18.

Oh, don't make a profit of this!

MC: (LAUGHS) subtitling@stv.tv