[Davina] For thousands of people across Britain, someone is missing from their lives.

I just want to know, did you think about me?

Have I been in your thoughts?

Have you tried looking for me?

[woman] I don't deserve children.

I gave one away, how could I?

How could I?

[woman] That was the last letter I received.

I have great fears of what could have happened to him.

Finding someone when the trail's gone cold can feel like an impossible task, but that's where we step in... -Your mum's been found.

-[man] Wow.

...offering a last chance to people desperate for help.

[woman] Open the locket.

That's your dad.

It's yours.

With no idea where our searches will lead, we've travelled the world, uncovering family secrets and finding people that no one else has been able to trace.

-Come on in.

-We've come a long way to find you.

[man] Oh, that's her.

She did not deserve this.

[Davina] And finally, answering questions that have haunted entire lives.

I love you.

This week, two stories of lives overshadowed by regret.

A mother hoping for a second chance.

I ripped the picture up, it's in my head.

But I ripped it up so I had nothing of him.

And a woman searching for the father who didn't want her.

[woman] That really is the only picture I actually have of him.

I just look and think, "That's my dad," but he's just a stranger, isn't he?

[dramatic music playing] [gulls calling] Our first search is on behalf of a mother who, for more than 40 years, has longed for forgiveness from the son she was unable to keep.

[woman] I've got no photograph of him, but just seeing me pregnant brings it all back to me.

I see him there in my tummy.

Reminds me of what I did.

It's all I've got of him.

-Cup of tea?

-Yes, please, love.

[Davina] Sixty-three-year-old Ann Munro lives in the small Hampshire town of Ringwood with Geoff, her husband of over 40 years.

Oh, bless.

Ann was born in 1951 to a large Catholic family in County Durham.

[Ann] What my dad said went, and if you disobeyed his rules, you knew it, you knew it.

After an unhappy childhood, Ann left home at the age of 16 and moved over 300 miles south to Dorset.

[Ann] I can remember getting off the train at Bournemouth, and I thought... it was huge, and I was in awe of all the shops.

I thought, I'm in seventh heaven.

[laughs] And the scenery and everything was beautiful.

As Ann settled into her new life on the south coast, she began dating a local man.

But a year into their relationship, she discovered she was pregnant.

[Ann] When I told my boyfriend, I was quite taken aback by his reaction.

He didn't want a baby.

He didn't even want to be with me because he'd been seeing another girl behind my back for the last six months.

And I just sat there thinking, what am I going to do?

But my biggest fear was not having the baby, my biggest fear was telling mum and dad.

My dad's very words were: "You've ruined your life, get on with it."

That was his very words.

"You've ruined your life, get on with it.

But you do not come home."

With no one to support her, Ann was forced to go through her pregnancy alone, and in October she gave birth to a son she named Mark.

I was stuck in the hospital with this lovely little baby, who I loved, and nobody to turn to and nowhere to go.

I remember this lady coming in.

She more or less talked me into adoption.

She said he would have a better life if I let him go, and that sentence stuck with me for a long time.

I can remember hugging him and going, "I can give you lots of love, but I can't give you anything else."

So, the hardest decision of my life.

On Christmas Eve, 1972, two months after giving birth to Mark, Ann saw her baby for the last time.

[Ann] I remember the lady in the hospital saying you would get a photograph in the post, a year on, of just how he is and what he looks like.

And they said someone would come take him from me.

[sniffles] And I just handed him over, that was it.

Closed the door.

Broke my heart.

Ann's recovery from the loss of Mark was helped by Geoff.

[Ann] I couldn't have wished for a nicer man to come into my life.

He was so understanding.

And I just loved him.

Loved him.

The following year, Ann and Geoff married.

And in October 1973, exactly a year after she'd given birth to Mark, the couple's first child was born.

[Ann] It was exactly the same date, October the 21st.

And I remember looking and being so determined.

Oh, my goodness, I could see all this dark hair.

And I thought, this one's mine, I get to keep this one.

But tragically Ann and Geoff's baby was premature and didn't survive the birth.

I lost another baby.

And I couldn't think it in my head.

Not only had I lost my second baby, but it was on the same date that I'd had Mark.

So I thought, God is punishing me.

I really did think...

I really did think, God is punishing me.

Why could he have not picked another day?

I was devastated.

Devastated.

But then Geoff brought the post up to me, and I looked at the envelope and I thought, "What on earth is this, come to the wrong address?"

And it was a picture of this little boy.

And he had white hair, beautiful, pretty little face.

It just said on the back, "aged one year," and I thought, "Oh, my goodness."

And it was a picture of Mark.

I looked at it and I thought, "How can they send me this picture when I've just lost a baby?"

So I ripped it up.

I ripped the picture up.

It's in my head, but I ripped it up, so I had nothing of him.

I've never got over it, really.

I still haven't.

Although Ann and Geoff went on to have two more children together, Ann has lived with the pain of having given up her first child for 41 years.

She would like to know that he's safe and whether he's had a good upbringing.

She might not get the answer she wants, but it would help her a lot to be at peace with the decision she made 40 years ago.

Night after night I sit here, I can't sleep.

Is he happy now?

Has he got a family?

What does he look like?

Maybe he's not alive anymore.

But I just want to tell him why I did what I did.

And if he can understand me and then say, "I forgive you," then I'd be at peace, because I'm not at peace until I tell him.

When Mark was adopted, it's likely his name would have been changed.

But there's no way Ann would've been able to find out his new identity without help.

And without this, she would never have been able to find her son.

Working with an adoption specialist permitted to access this information, we eventually discovered that Mark had been adopted by a Mr. and Mrs. Hayter, who had changed his name to Colin.

Using electoral rolls, he was traced to the Isle of Wight, just 20 miles from where he was born.

Colin is an ex serviceman who has fought in conflicts across the world, including Northern Ireland, Bosnia and Iraq.

Today he lives in Shanklin with his wife and three sons.

We contacted him, and he was happy to meet me.

Ann's tortured herself that she wasn't able to care for her son, and it's a pain she's still living with every day.

But I wonder how the separation has affected Colin, whether he harbors any resentment or bitterness towards the woman who wasn't able to look after him.

[doorbell rings] -Hi, Colin?

-Hi.

-Nicky, hi.

-You all right?

-Yeah.

How are you?

-I'm good, thanks.

-Come in.

-Thanks very much.

-So, how's things?

-[Colin] Yeah, good.

When you first found out that Ann was looking for you, what was that like?

It was a surprise, a shock, but a good surprise.

I felt flattered that someone was looking for me after all this time, because, I mean, I'm 41 now.

How have the rest of your family reacted?

They've been really good.

Really good.

I did try and look for Ann when our first son was born, so I then went to my mum.

She then gave me a few bits of information that she had.

What kind of information did you see?

It was just, my name at birth, my mum's name.

How I fed, how I eat, when I'm bathed.

But also the fact that I was "a good-looking lad," which it said in... which was nice.

And I'm "a real card and a real character."

They wrote this on the actual birth records.

That must have meant so much.

Yeah, it did.

I thought, you know, it was nice.

[Nicky] Well, I've got a photograph.

[Colin] Wow.

Wow.

The same nose as me.

[laughs] She was desperate to keep you.

Hmm.

So why... why...?

-No support from her family.

-Right, okay.

None whatsoever.

Told the guy she was with, he ran a mile.

And her parents just said, "Look, it's your problem."

She must have been gutted.

I have kids of my own now.

I know that that would be horrible to do.

Would you like to see a photo of her when she was pregnant?

Wow.

[Nicky] It's really significant because it's the only photograph she's got in which you were in any way connected.

Because a year to the day after you were born, she went into labor prematurely and the baby was stillborn.

And on the very day that that happened, the social workers sent her a photograph of you which arrived in the post.

Right.

And she was so grief stricken, she tore up the photograph, and she regrets that to this day.

[Colin] Wow.

That's not good.

She feels incredibly, incredibly guilty that she wasn't able to keep you, and I guess she needs to know, did she do the right thing?

She's clearly done the right thing because I had a loving upbringing from my mum and dad.

Well, that would be amazing for her to hear.

Yeah, I look forward to meeting her.

[Davina] Before we tell Ann that we have found her son... our second search is on behalf of a woman who's grown up longing for the chance to share her life with a father she has never known.

[water running] [boy] Mummy, I'm a good boy.

Absolutely.

You're always a good boy.

In my heart I've got a dad.

In my heart he's still around.

-Waaaaa!

-Noah.

[woman] He rejected having a child, and I just want to know, "Did you think about me?

Have I been in your thoughts?

Have you tried looking for me?"

Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!

Twenty-eight-year-old nurse Louise Kendall lives with her four-year-old son Noah on the outskirts of Bradford.

He's my life, my world, and I'll do anything to give him everything.

I think I'll always feel guilty that I'm a single parent, but not having my dad, I never want him to feel like I felt at times.

So, Noah sees his dad every weekend, he's got a fantastic relationship with his dad.

Bye, love you.

Born in 1985, Louise was brought up by her mother alone.

[Louise] My family consisted of just me and my mum.

That's just the way our family was.

I didn't have a dad and some people did.

But growing up, Louise was always told about her French father Stéphane, who her mother had met when she worked as an au pair in France.

This is the first time Louise has visited Dijon, the city where her mother and father fell in love as teenagers.

[Louise] It feels really strange to be here and to think that years ago they walked the streets together.

I keep looking at people walking past and thinking, "Could I be related?

Could that be my dad?"

Louise's father Stéphane was a 17-year-old student when he met her mother nearly 30 years ago.

She thought he was hot.

[laughs] He had really piercing, striking blue eyes, curly hair, really dark.

Uh, used to ride a moped so he was super cool, and whenever he got off his bike, he used to arrange his fringe.

Now I'm here, I can imagine what they must have been like.

I think it sounds all really romantic and lovely sat outside a cafe with a hot chocolate and a crepe.

But after nearly a year together, Louise's mother discovered she was pregnant.

But Stéphane didn't want to be a father and asked her to terminate the pregnancy.

I don't hate him.

I just think he were young.

[Davina] Louise Kendall has grown up knowing that her father Stéphane, who was just a teenager when she was born, didn't want her.

[Louise] When she was pregnant, my mum told me that my dad didn't want to be a dad.

Being a 17-year-old and then being told somebody's having your child must have terrified him.

Although Stéphane asked her to have a termination, Louise's mother was unable to go through with it and instead returned home to Bradford.

In November 1985, Louise was born and her mother gave her a permanent link to her father.

[Louise] Up until about a year, they did have contact, and although my mum registered me as a Kendall through school, on my christening day, my mum chose to christen me as Postollec, which is obviously my father's last name.

It means a lot; it's a sense of belonging that I do belong to my dad.

Although he may not be in my life, we are still connected.

Even if it's just by a surname, it's still there in amongst my life.

I'd hope that he would be proud of the fact that I am a Postollec because it's there in black and white.

He sent me a picture in September of '86.

That really is the only picture that I actually have of him, and I've kept it all this time.

His eyes.

I've got my dad's eyes.

Over the years, I've probably looked at it on good days and bad days, I suppose.

I just look and think, "That's my dad," but he's just a stranger, isn't he?

Guess you just long to meet them.

I have tried various different ways to search for my dad, but I always just come back to a dead end.

I do love him, I'll always love him, because he's my dad.

It breaks my heart to think that my dad didn't want me.

I just wish I could know whether he did regret it.

But I feel like he owes me an explanation.

[Nicky] When Louise came to us, she had done everything she could, even contacting the French embassy and Interpol, but she'd drawn a blank and, not being able to speak French, had got nowhere on the internet.

When we ran a check of public records in France, there were lots of possibilities, but none that quite matched the few details we had.

Thank you.

Knowing that Stéphane would only be in his mid-40s and probably working, we hoped he would be active on social media.

We accessed professional networking sites and these produced one profile which looked likely.

Although this profile was for a Stéphane Le Postollec, very slightly different to the name that Louise gave us, one crucial bit of information stood out: this man was educated in Dijon, the town where Louise's mother and father met.

When we contacted this Stéphane, he confirmed he was the right man and agreed to meet at his home in the Alps.

We sent Davina, who speaks fluent French, in case he felt uncomfortable speaking English.

Now 46, Stéphane is a life coach and lives alone a few miles from the ski resort of Méribel.

He has never had any more children.

[Davina] Although Louise's mother has always been honest about the fact that Stéphane didn't want to be a father, Louise has clung onto the hope that it's a decision he may have regretted.

But what about Stéphane?

Has he ever thought about her?

Has he hoped that they might meet one day or did he simply put his teenage past behind him years ago?

-Bonjour, Stéphane!

-Bonjour.

-Je suis Davina.

-Enchanté.

Moi aussi.

Merci.

Tell me how you feel about Louise coming to find you.

Uh, I'm very happy, and in the meantime, I'm nervous.

-Yes.

-I'm nervous.

But in the past I have dreamt a few times that she came to me and say, "Hello, I am Louise, I am your daughter."

So now we are in the reality, I don't dream anymore.

Did you ever think about looking for her?

-No.

-No?

No, when her mother has left France, when she was pregnant, everything stops, and the story was... end.

So how did you feel that she'd got pregnant?

Bad.

For me it was, uh, when the... the same feeling if... when sky falls on your head.

Why?

Because I was too young.

I did not have any job, any money, anything like that.

And in the meantime my parents had divorced in 1981, and the example that I have seen during my childhood was not very good, so for me, I thought that I would become a bad father and a bad husband.

So what happened?

[in French] -Can I see them?

-Yeah, sure.

-Sure.

-Would that be all right?

Yeah, sure, with pleasure.

Voilà.

I can remember her like a baby.

Blond hair, blue eyes.

[Davina] Well, there is another photo that you can add to your collection.

There's your daughter.

[Stéphane] [Davina] Oui.

She was christened with your name.

Wow.

And that was really important to her.

[Stéphane] It's crazy.

Being so far and so connected.

[Davina] She's written you a letter.

"Dear Dad, I have often thought about you, wondered what I would say to you given the opportunity.

I just want you to know that I will always love you.

You will always hold a place in my heart.

I hope that one day I will find you so I can introduce you to someone very precious to me, my son Noah... who is now four... four years old.

[exhales sharply] With all my love always, Louise."

A father and grandfather on the same day, it's crazy.

[Davina] In 1973, at the age of 21, Ann Munro faced the impossible decision of having to give up her son Mark for adoption.

For more than 40 years, Ann's been battling with feelings of guilt that at times have felt completely overwhelming.

So I really hope that when she hears that, not only has her son been found but he also really wants to meet her, she'll finally be able to forgive herself for not having kept him.

-Hello.

-How are you doing?

I'm fine, thank you.

-Good to see you.

-And you.

-Would you like to come in?

-Yes, please.

-Thank you very much.

-Good.

-[Davina sighs] -[Ann] Do go through.

Well, let's talk about your search then, for your son.

Because I know that you've searched for a long time.

-Yes, I have.

-And something's kept you going.

-What is it?

-I need to tell him that I didn't part with him because I didn't love him.

I parted with him because I did love him and I had no choice.

And how has it made you feel giving him up?

Well, it broke my heart.

It did break my heart.

There's no getting away from it.

I so wanted to keep him.

There's not a day, not a day... has gone by... that I sit there and think... "Where is he?"

You don't have one photograph?

I've got no photograph, no.

[sniffling] The picture came at the wrong time in my life and I ripped it up.

I ripped it up.

Did it look anything like that?

Oh, my goodness to me!

I can't believe it!

That's the little boy, he looks so happy.

Oh, my goodness to me.

I've waited 40 years for this.

I can't believe it.

Oh, this means so much to me.

Is he still here?

-He's still alive.

-Does he want to see me?

-He really wants to meet you.

-Oh, my goodness.

-I don't know what to say.

-You don't need to say anything.

I don't know what to say.

Have you got a picture of him now?

[gasps] [Davina] Here's your son.

[Ann] Oh, my goodness.

Wow.

Wow.

I just can't believe this has happened.

This is just everything to me.

I can't stop looking at this photograph.

I can't stop looking.

This picture I've had in my head for 40 years and this is the photograph I've longed for for 40 years, and now I've got them both.

You'll get a lot more than that, more than a photo.

You'll be able to meet him.

Wow.

Then I can tell him my story?

Oh, goodness.

Your son's name... -Is?

-...Colin.

Colin.

Oh, my... That's going to be difficult.

[Ann] I'm always gonna say it wrong.

-Well, you'll get used to it.

-Colin.

What have I got?

Have I got any more grandchildren?

So, he's married to his childhood sweetheart.

Oh, how lovely.

Yeah, and they've got three boys.

Oh, how wonderful!

Oh, my goodness to me.

I can't believe that I'm not gonna sit on that sofa now for the next 20 years wondering.

And I've got my wish, I've got my wish.

[Davina] Today, a week after discovering her son has been found, Ann is finally going to meet him.

[Ann] For 41 years I've had... "Where is he, what does he look like, is he happy, is he married, what's his name?"

And it's gone, the wondering.

And I said to Geoff, "What are we going to talk about now?"

[laughs] My head is clear for once in my life.

-[Geoff] You ready?

-Yeah, I'm ready.

I'm all excited.

-I'll see you later.

-Good luck.

-Thank you, darling, bye-bye.

-Bye-bye.

-Hi.

-Are you ready?

-[Ann] Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

-Ooh!

-Let's get in the car.

-Let's get in the car.

Ann wants to meet Colin at Avon Beach in Mudeford on the south coast, just a few miles from where she last saw him.

Colin has made the short ferry trip over from the Isle of Wight.

[Nicky] Can you believe it's about to happen?

No.

I must admit it's, um... well, it's gone quick.

I suppose I always thought this day would never happen, you know, so... and now, all of the sudden... As long as she's not disappointed.

-Are you worried about that?

-A little bit, yeah.

-[Davina] What are you going to say?

-I don't know.

I just want to hug him and squeeze him and kiss him and tell him that I loved him and I've always loved him.

Do you feel a connection now that you know she's been looking for you and she's found you and she's there and you're about to meet her?

Yeah, I do, especially after looking at photos.

And more and more I think about it.

There is something, a gut feeling.

[Nicky] Are you getting nervous?

[Colin] Maybe a little tiny bit, but no.

Right, well, this is it.

And you're going to meet your birth mother right in there.

Right, thanks very much, Nicky.

-It's been a pleasure.

-Thanks.

-Good luck.

-Cheers, thanks.

How you feeling?

Yeah, I'm nervous.

-I'll bet you are.

-But I'll be fine.

So I'm going to stop you here.

This is where I say goodbye.

Oh, goodbye, Davina.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Your son is waiting for you in the cafe.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe it.

-You all right?

-I can't believe it.

[Colin] You okay?

-Can you believe this?

-No, I can't.

-I can't.

-You're freezing.

[Ann] I'm so cold, but I don't care.

Have a sit-down, shall we?

Cup of tea, I think.

I can't see, my glasses... -Are steaming up?

-...are steaming up.

-The years.

-I've waited 41 years for this.

And I have to tell you, 'cause I always wanted to explain to you why I did what I did, so then you can understand and maybe forgive me for what I did.

Of course I forgive you.

Of course.

-Do you?

-Yeah, of course I do.

I went to a loving, you know, family.

It was great.

I had a good upbringing.

-You've never held a grudge?

-No, never, never at all.

That just means so much to me.

It really does.

I did make the right decision, and now we're together again.

And now we're back together.

And when I got your photograph, I went, "Oh, my goodness, he's grown up."

-I can't believe it.

-Yeah, I had the nose.

-Got your chin.

-Yeah.

[laughing] [Ann] I felt as though I'd known him all my life.

This tiny little baby that I left and gave away that I've cried over for 41 years, that I've dreamt about, what does he look like?

And I'm looking at him and he's grown up into a wonderful, wonderful young man.

I can tell we're going to get on.

-Oh, yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

-Oh, aren't we?

I'm not gonna see you as a son, I'm going to see you as my best mate.

The minute I saw her, I just felt complete, you know?

So... like something was missing but now it's no longer missing.

It makes you feel kinda something special, you know?

[Ann] I just can't stop smiling.

I've met him... [laughing] And I can't believe it.

He's just so lovely.

[Davina] Twenty-eight-year-old Louise Kendall has never met her French father Stéphane, who was only 18 when she was born.

Louise has grown up with very little to connect her to her dad.

His name on her birth certificate, his blue eyes, and a tiny photograph of him.

For years she's longed for more, for him to actually be part of her life.

Well, I'm on my way to tell her that we've found him.

And after a lifetime of being complete strangers, she'll finally get to meet her father.

-Hi!

-Hi.

-How are you doing?

-Come in.

-You all right?

Mwah!

-Yeah.

-Lovely to meet you.

-You too.

You've had so little to survive on, I mean, one tiny picture.

What's kept your dad alive in your heart?

I think because he's part of me.

He's always going to be there and he's always been there.

I've always been brought up that I have a dad, just that he's not there.

And it's been difficult, hasn't it?

It's just so...

It's strange because I know somebody's out there that's my dad.

That's what I find hard, it's the unknown.

It's always living in limbo because I don't know if he's okay and I don't know if he's well.

He is okay.

We found him.

Here, let me take your tea.

Where does he live?

-In France in the Alps.

-Really?

And has he got kids?

He doesn't, he never had any more kids.

You're his only daughter.

Which is amazing.

He has a very precious collection of photographs of you.

I can't believe he kept them.

A whole little photo album.

Really?

Oh, my God, I'm so shocked.

Oh, God, this does not feel real.

I can't believe it.

Has he ever tried to look for me?

He hasn't.

He was very, very afraid that you were angry.

-No.

-That you were going to be upset with him.

And I think that's why he's never looked, he's just been fearful.

I want to show you a letter.

That's for you.

"My dear Louise, you cannot imagine the extent to which I am moved by writing to you for the first time.

The idea of meeting you, of listening to your voice, to finally discover and know the person you have become and what you have made of your life fills me with joy.

And yet at the same time I feel afraid and I am overwhelmed.

What will your feelings and reactions be when you learn more about me?

All my love, your father."

That seems so weird.

Oh, God.

I just wanted to know that he'd thought about me.

[Davina] I've got a photo.

[Louise] Wow.

Wow.

I can't believe that's my dad.

I think I've got his nose.

It's just so strange because I've seen him as a boy, and in my head that's how he's, it's like Peter Pan, he's never grown up, in my head he's always been that same man.

So to see him as an adult is just so weird.

Oh, he looks so happy.

Please give him my number.

You can get that when you see him.

-Am I going to see him?

-You will see him, yeah.

[Louise] I can't wait for him to meet Noah.

[Davina] Five days after discovering we had found her father, Louise will meet him for the first time.

[Louise] I am excited, I'm just scared.

I'm frightened to get my hopes up in case I'm let down.

Louise has travelled down from Bradford to London to meet Stéphane as he arrives off the train from France.

How am I feeling?

Excited, happy, scared.

Oh!

The fear is that since 28 years, I was a father but only on the paper.

I'm in the reality, finally I'm here, the dream's come true.

[sobbing] [Stéphane] Thank you very much, thank you for this day.

You have been so courageous.

-You sure you want to do this?

-I'm here.

[Louise] Oh, dear.

-I feel like I'm dreaming.

-You are not.

You are not, you are not.

I'm here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I think I just want to know why.

Why you didn't look for me.

Because it was too...

The last time that, uh... when I'd heard that your mother was pregnant, I asked her not to keep you.

I think guilt and shame was too heavy for me to go ahead to find you.

I don't hate you.

Ah, I know that.

When I read your letter, it was full of love.

My mum has always been honest.

She's brought me up to just realize that you were just too young, and she did tell me that you wanted a termination, I know that.

You know that and you want to meet me.

I'm very lucky.

It's okay.

It's all right.

I understand why.

You have a very big heart, for sure.

And I am very lucky, lucky.

You are.

[laughs] We've got a lot of years to make up, haven't we?

Ah, oui.

All my life, I've wondered, were it a decision, you know, he wished that he'd not made, and... for me to know that it's obviously played on his mind makes me realize that perhaps he did regret it.

[Stéphane] And does Noah know?

I've shown him your picture, and when I said it were his granddad, he giggled.

And when I told him your name, he giggled again.

[Louise] I have my mum and my dad now.

I feel really lucky.

Oh, dear.

[Stéphane] I'm so happy.

She is so nice, I have to start the story from now.

It is my past, I can't change anything.

I have to live with that.

The good thing is that, when I am in front of Louise today, I think, "Thanks, God."

...my face when I was like that.

Whoa!

[peaceful music playing]