[Davina] For thousands of people across Britain, someone is missing from their lives.

[woman] People have a history and a past; I don't have that.

How often has he thought about me?

What has he thought about me?

I want to find him.

I need to know that he's been okay and that he forgives us for what we did.

Finding someone when the trail's gone cold can feel like an impossible task.

But that's where we step in.

We found her.

Oh, God!

...offering a last chance to people desperate for help.

She feels she's given you away twice.

Oh, poor woman.

[Davina] There's your mum.

Just to know that she wants to be a part of my life is phenomenal.

With no idea where our searches will lead, we've travelled the world, uncovering family secrets and finding people that no one else has been able to trace.

-Hello.

-Dobar dan.

-Dobar dan, Mr. Nick.

How are you, okay?

-Thank you.

[Davina] And finally answering questions that have haunted entire lives.

I don't ever, ever wanna let her go again.

I love you saying "mum."

I am your mum.

[daughter] I've waited long enough to say it.

[Davina] This week, two stories of lives overshadowed by absence.

A daughter desperate to understand the mystery of what happened to her mother.

[woman] Was it my fault?

Perhaps she was grieving in some way for me.

And a woman who has no blood relatives in her life at all.

[woman] There was nobody in the past, nobody in the future, there was just me.

[dramatic music playing] [Davina] Our first search is on behalf of a woman who needs to know the truth behind a family tragedy that's haunted her for years.

[woman] "There was a large amount of blood, which had come from her mouth and was covering the nearby wall.

She'd been dead for some time."

I know that she died.

I fear that it could be my fault, simply by existing.

Simply by being born.

Perhaps I caused her death.

And I find that very hard, but not as hard as the thought of never knowing.

[Davina] Fifty-six-year-old Christine Chesham lives and works for th e local council in Stockport.

But she was raised by her adoptive parents in Liverpool.

[peaceful music playing] [Christine] Dad was a civil servant, Mum was a housewife, and I grew up in a part of Liverpool called Broadgreen in the '60s.

Sort of middle-class area, affluent.

I had a really happy childhood.

And I was an only child until I was 7, when my parents adopted a little brother.

It was very happy, very secure.

We never wanted for anything.

[Davina] Christine had always known she was adopted, but it wasn't until she was a teenager that she found out where she had come from.

[Christine] When I was about 15, we were watching television and there was a piece of news about a particular street in Liverpool, and my mum said, "That was where your mum lived."

Christine's birth mother was from the largely working class area of Toxteth.

It was only a few miles from the leafy suburbs where Christine was being brought up.

[Christine] She told me that my mother had been married, but that she'd had an affair.

And as a result of the affair, I had arrived.

[gulls screeching] I can remember thinking that she might not have wanted to give me away, that there was another woman out there who loved me.

As she grew older, Christine decided she wanted to find her birth mother and applied for her birth certificate.

It's quite a powerful thing to actually find a name for my mother.

She was Marion Joan Shaw, formerly Murphy.

But there is nothing to go on other than what is on this document here.

I just didn't know where to go.

Unable to get anywhere herself, in 2005, Christine finally hired a private investigator, who came back with devastating news.

I found out that I was too late, my mum had died.

It took the feet out from underneath me really.

She died in 1990, ten years before I'd even started looking.

I felt massive regret for not having looked earlier.

Why didn't I look then?

Why, why didn't I look then?

Not only did Christine have to cope with finding out that her mother had died, she also discovered that the circumstances of her death were disturbing.

[Christine] There was a coroner's report about her death.

It was difficult, very difficult, to read this thing.

"The deceased could be seen lying at the foot of the stairs.

She'd been dead for some time."

It seems to say she's getting ready to go out, that she's fallen down the stairs.

Just a terrible, tragic accident.

The report contains statements given by those closest to Marion.

[Christine] "Pamela Shaw, being sworn, says, 'I'm a housewife and I live at Aspen Grove, Liverpool 8.

I am the daughter of Marion Joan Murphy.'"

The most important witness was Pamela Shaw.

She was the oldest daughter of Marion Joan.

She's my sister.

I had a sister out there somewhere.

It was difficult to sort of grieve for the one and celebrate the other.

Pamela's statement revealed that their mother had led a troubled life.

She says, "My mum was a drinker, so sometimes I wouldn't see her for a couple of days.

In May or June of this year, my mother was taken into the Royal Liverpool Hospital with internal bleeding.

The doctors told me that she would have to stop drinking."

It was so upsetting.

She clearly hasn't been happy, but I wonder what drives someone to drinking that amount in the first place.

Perhaps she'd started down that road because she was grieving in some way for me, that she'd regretted giving me up.

It's a worry that has haunted Christine ever since.

[Christine] I want to find Pamela.

I want to know so many things about Marion and about her life and the decisions that she made.

My fear is that my sister may blame me for our mother's death.

I really hope that this wasn't my fault.

[Nicky] Although the coroner's report revealed shocking information about Christine's mother, it also contained crucial clues in the search for her sister, Pamela Shaw.

The report said that in September 1990, Pamela was living in Aspen Grove in Liverpool.

But searching for Pamela Shaw at that address now led nowhere.

We'd hit a dead end, so we tried another tack.

Maybe Pamela had got married and changed her name.

A search was done of marriage records.

The report said that Pamela was 36 years old at the time of her mother's death, four years older than Christine.

We found a Pamela Shaw of about the right age, married to a Colin Moore in Liverpool in 2000.

Could this be Christine's older sister?

We found this Pamela Moore still living in Liverpool, not far from where Christine's mother died.

-Toxteth?

-Yes.

-Thanks.

-When we contacted Pamela, she confirmed she was th e person we were looking for.

Now widowed, she has two children and five grandchildren.

She agreed to meet me, to talk more about her mother, Marion.

Great.

Thank you.

Christine's got so many unanswered questions about her mother's life and tragic death.

Will Pamela, her half sister, be able to answer them and shed any light on the impact that giving Christine up for adoption had on their mum?

[Nicky] Hello.

-Hello.

-How are you?

How are you?

Oh, lovely to see you.

-[Nicky] Oh, you too.

-Lovely to see you.

-[Nicky] What a great welcome!

-Come in.

Welcome.

[Nicky] There we are.

So, the moment you heard the news that Christine was looking for you, what was that like?

Fantastic!

And then I thought, what have we got to offer her?

What can I tell her about her mum?

-Marion?

-Joanie.

That's how I knew her, as Joan or Joanie.

-[Nicky] There she is, right?

-[Pamela] Yes.

-[Nicky] Young there.

-Yeah.

She was very beautiful.

[Nicky] Yeah.

She had a tough life?

Yeah.

I tried with Joan an awful lot.

She'd been hospitalized a few times because of the alcohol addiction.

But it just continued as soon as she got home.

So, what is it that you think drove her to drink, to become an alcoholic?

[Pamela] That's very hard to say really.

I actually didn't grow up with either of my parents.

Because their relationship broke down.

It was an affair Mum had.

So, because of your mother's affair, the relationship broke up?

Yeah.

I didn't see my mother and where she went, I don't know.

And what happened to you?

I had an emotional breakdown.

-I was five and a half.

-Five and a half?

I was in hospital till I was about seven.

And then I was fostered.

-You were fostered?

-Yeah.

Did you know that you had a half sister?

By the time I was 21, that's when I found, found out.

I met Joan, only a few streets along.

She was slightly tipsy, and I was pregnant with my son, and I took her home... [laughing] ...and gave her some coffee and something to eat, and she showed me some photographs, and I'm saying, "Is that me?"

And she said, "No."

And it was an aunt that took me to one side and told me Christine was the product of that affair.

Would you like to see the picture?

I think that that's Christine.

On the back there's a date, and that coincides with her birth year.

[Nicky] 30th December 1958.

Must be her!

[Pamela] I hope so, 'cause I've cherished this.

[Nicky] Here's your sister.

Oh, my gosh!

We're alike, aren't we?

Wow!

Oh!

My sister.

I wish I'd gone with her.

I wish I'd have been with her.

Sorry.

No, it's, it's completely understandable.

-She's written you a letter.

-You read it, please.

[Nicky] "Dear Pamela, just writing your name makes you feel so much more real, close somehow.

All in all, I've had a happy life and I hope you have too."

-I'm sorry.

-You all right?

I'm just so pleased that she's had that love and that nurturing.

"Ever since I found out about you, I've wanted to try and find you, but my hope is tinged with apprehension."

-Yeah.

-"I feel that it's possible that you blame me for our mother's death."

No.

It was never Christine's... fault.

Joan made her own... her very own choices.

I asked myself many times as well if it was because of me.

Was she that broken hearted?

She didn't leave one baby or give one baby up.

She gave two.

[Davina] Before we tell Christine that we've found her sister... our second search comes from Wiltshire and a woman desperate to find the one person in the world she's related to.

Everybody gives their bottom row to Jack.

[Davina] Fifty-three-year-old retired child therapist Vicki Haskell was given up for adoption as a baby.

I always loved children, and I always felt that I wanted to work with children.

But I don't have children of my own.

My husband, Curly, is a bit older than me and had already had a son and a daughter and two grandsons.

I inherited a readymade family.

So, I don't know anybody who is a blood relative.

You know, there was nobody in the past, nobody in the future.

There was just me.

[Curly] It's been a massive gap in her life, and if she could find somebody that she's actually directly related to, the impact would be colossal.

[contemplative music playing] Vicki grew up with her adoptive parents, Ron and Eileen Anderson.

They were happy and proud to have got me.

They'd wanted children for a long time.

Very devoted parents, real family people.

Two years after they'd adopted Vicki, her parents had a son of their own.

We have completely different coloring.

He had dark hair and dark eyes like my parents.

As she got older, Vicki began to notice more than physical differences between her and her adoptive family.

Being a sort of highly emotional person in a family where emotion wasn't expressed, I suppose I found it sad that I couldn't trace anything of...

I mean, I just felt uncomfortable knowing that, that I wasn't really theirs.

Yeah, I didn't feel connected.

Desperate to find out more about where she came from, when she was 18, Vicki started searching for clues about her past.

[Vicki] I had the house to myself, and I found a, a file in, in my father's desk.

I knew that I shouldn't really be looking and I don't know what I had expected to find, but I started to read.

"She's interested in classical music.

Her height is 5'6", normal weight, about eight and a half stone, and she is fair with blue eyes."

I had blond hair and blue eyes and I had been singing in various choirs.

So, for the first time I felt that I did have a connection.

Um, that I could say, "Yes, I, I take after her."

The letter went on to explain how Vicki's birth mother felt about giving her up for adoption.

[Vicki] "She realizes that giving the child up is going to be a big sacrifice for her, but she's willing to do this for the child's sake.

I have pointed out to her that this means putting the child right out of her life forever, and she says she's willing to do this... and that she will not go back on her word."

It's so sort of matter of fact in black and white.

While the letter fueled Vicki's need to find her mother, it also revealed how difficult the search would be.

[Vicki] It said that she was from South Africa.

That worried me.

When Vicki made this discovery in the early 1980s, the apartheid regime was still in place in South Africa and internationally condemned for its racist policies.

It was somewhere that was politically isolated.

Had she gone back to South Africa, it felt almost impossible that I would ever be able to find out more.

But I still feel the need to find my birth mother.

Somebody that I actually feel connected to.

[Nicky] Although apartheid is over, South Africa remains a difficult country in which to access information.

So, before we began trawling through genealogical records over there, we decided to see if we could find any record of Vicki's mother here.

We knew from Vicki's birth certificate that her mother was called Eleanor Ann Crewe-Brown.

We then discovered our next clue.

Eleanor's name on a steamboat passenger list, arriving in England from South Africa in 1958.

This gave us her date of birth: the 8th of October, 1935.

But we could find no trace of Eleanor in this country after that, so we assumed she had returned to South Africa.

Further research revealed that the Crewe-Browns were an old established Anglo-South African family.

And many were still living in the Johannesburg area.

So, that's where we focused our search.

-Ah!

-How are you?

-All right.

How are you?

-Yeah, good.

Local enquiries revealed that there were lots of Eleanors in the Crewe-Brown family.

But there was only one of the right age and she went by her middle name, Ann.

Ann is widowed with one son and lives in the district of Sandton.

We contacted her and she confirmed that she was Vicki's birth mother.

Here, in a country on the other side of the world, is the one person Vicki's related to, who she hopes she can feel close to.

But after a lifetime apart, will Ann have the same longing, or will she have moved on with her life, trying to put her past behind her?

Hello.

How are you doing?

-Hi.

-I'm Nicky.

Ann?

Are you all right?

It's lovely to meet you.

Shall we go in and talk?

-Yeah.

-Have a good chat.

-Come on.

-Yes.

Thanks.

-Have a cuppa tea!

-Yeah.

-Okay?

-Good idea.

-Okay.

-Good English tea.

Good English tea!

I'll put the kettle on.

-[Ann] Okay.

-Right?

-There's your tea.

-Thank you.

So, did you ever think this day would come?

In my heart I wished it would, but... -You didn't think it would?

-No.

-Well, it's come!

-[laughs] Yes, it has.

It's difficult to take in, and then of course, it's difficult to tell everybody.

-Did people not know?

-No.

I was married twice, and I told each of those husbands, but for the rest, nobody knew.

I was made to promise that I would never say anything, and that I would never contact her or make any effort to find the parents or her at all.

What did it feel like, having to make that promise?

-Can I just say something?

-Yeah.

-It's not a secret anymore.

-Yes.

[laughs] I told everybody, and the overriding reaction is just such a lot of happiness.

So, what happened?

How did you come to fall pregnant with, with Vicki?

My parents and I went on holiday and I met Vicki's father.

It was a holiday romance.

When we got back here, I found I was pregnant.

My parents weren't enthusiastic.

Maybe in Britain people weren't quite so Victorian, but certainly in this country that age group were very Victorian in their outlook.

So, how was the decision to have Vicki adopted... -Adopted.

-...actually made?

My parents pushed for that, and I don't know where I would have gone to have her adopted here.

You know, after having spent three years in the UK, I just thought that was the better option.

So, you know, you promised to move on and keep her out of your life.

Yes.

I don't think one is ever able to do that.

I, I don't think you can ever forget.

How long were you with her?

Well, she was born and then she was gone.

-Did you hold her?

-No, nothing at all.

I never fed her, I never held her, I didn't ever see her.

Nothing.

And that was part of the agreement.

-[Nicky] I've got a photograph of her.

-Oh!

[Nicky] That's the first time you've seen your baby.

[Ann] That's incredible!

Oh, just incredible.

She is my daughter.

She's part of me.

[Nicky] She's written you a letter.

[Ann] Oh.

"Dear Eleanor, writing to you is something I have imagined doing for so many years.

Now that it is certain I will never produce a new generation to keep the bloodline going, I'm even keener to trace it backwards and perhaps also side... sideways and sincerely hope I haven't left it too late."

That's a beautiful, beautiful letter.

Well...

I'm glad it isn't too late.

So, how do you feel about meeting her?

Oh, I can't wait.

But I would like her to come here.

'Cause there are lots of people who want to meet her.

My brother, my sister and their children want to find this relative that they didn't know.

I mean, my son just can't wait.

[contemplative music playing] -Hi, Mum!

-Hi, Nick, hello.

-How are you?

-Welcome, welcome.

-I'm fine, how are you?

-Good.

-Very good.

-[Ann] Come and see.

There is your sister.

Oh, my goodness me.

-Wow!

-[Ann laughs] She looks just like you, Mum.

Hey?

That's beautiful.

That's really, really beautiful.

Mum, how did you keep quiet for so long, hey?

[Davina] Ten years ago, Christine Chesham found out that her birth mother had died an alcoholic.

But she also discovered that she has a sister who she's been looking for ever since.

I'm on my way to tell Christine that we have found her sister, Pamela.

And at last she can find out more about what happened to their mother.

-Hello.

-Hello!

-How are you doing?

-I'm doing fine.

I'm Chris.

-Come in.

-Davina.

Hi.

Thank you.

So, thanks for having me.

I cannot imagine what it must have been like for you when you saw the coroner's notes.

Can you just talk me through what that moment was like?

I found out so much more about the woman that my mother had been.

But it was also very, very sad because I could never catch up with her to say thank you.

I learned that she had actually put her health at risk, by drinking so very much, and I think, what drove her to that?

-And you're worried it might be you?

-I am.

Well, we know someone who's got some answers.

Yeah?

We've found your sister.

No?!

Oh, how wonderful.

I can't believe it.

How wonderful.

[sobbing] [Davina] Here.

Thank you so much.

She in no way has ever even contemplated blaming you for your mum's drinking, ever.

Really?

Oh, what a relief.

[laughs] Did she have any idea that I even existed?

Well, she saw a photo of a baby when she was 21.

So, is that you?

[gasps] That's me with a fat little face!

[Davina] Isn't that amazing?

So, your mother kept that photo.

Wow!

How utterly incredible.

[Davina] And there's your sister.

Wow!

Oh, isn't she lovely?

[Davina] She had quite a tough time of it herself.

Oh, no!

Your mum and her dad, um... split up after the affair, and she went into the care system.

Oh, no!

She did say to Nicky that she wished that she'd been adopted with you.

Oh, no!

How sad!

How sad.

I was definitely the lucky one.

[Davina] I think you were.

There's one more photo that I want to show you.

-Yes?

-And that's of your mum.

-Really?

-Yeah.

[Davina] There's your mum.

[Christine] Oh!

Oh.

Well, she looks very young.

Oh!

Can't take my eyes off her.

Thank you so much.

[Davina] Your search isn't just a healing search for you, it's such a fantastic thing for Pamela too.

Isn't that wonderful?

Isn't that wonderful?!

It's been three weeks since we told Christine that we'd found her sister Pamela, and today they will meet for the first time.

Christine's come back to Liverpool, where they were both born.

-[Davina] Hello!

-Hi.

[laughing] [Davina] How you doing?

-[laughing] It's so exciting!

-Oh!

[contemplative music playing] As soon as I see her, I think a relief will come because I have missed her.

Hello, Nicky, how are you?

Oh, lovely to see you.

Your car awaits.

So, what's today all about for you?

I hope to alleviate a lot of worries that Christine has over our mother.

And I need to take that pain away that she's carried... -Yeah.

-...for a long, long time.

-And myself, of course.

-I was gonna say, yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

[Davina] Christine and Pamela are meeting in a hotel on the Albert Dock, not far from where they both grew up.

You're gonna meet Christine over there.

-Oh, thank you, Nicky.

-See you soon.

-God bless.

-Take care.

Okay.

-[Davina] How do you feel?

-I feel nervous.

-[Davina] Yeah.

-I don't know what Pamela's going to think that, you know, we had such different upbringings.

I was so lucky, I so got the best of this deal by being given up for adoption.

But what are your dreams for the future?

That we could be family.

You know, that we could stay in touch and, um... yeah, just be sisters.

That would be lovely.

Right, I'm gonna stop you here 'cause this is where I say goodbye.

So, good luck.

And your sister's just waiting for you up those stairs.

Thank you.

[laughs] Wow!

-Look at you!

-Don't cry, don't cry!

Oh, I have missed you.

Are you okay?

I can't believe you're here.

-Oh.

-Oh, look at you!

-Are you okay?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you?

I am just so elated that you had a lovely upbringing and you had a nice life.

I can't tell you, Chris.

Just wish that we could have been together.

That, that, that was my wish too.

But it wasn't to be, was it?

-No.

-It's done.

Been done and dusted a long time ago.

-Yeah.

-You ask me the questions.

-What do you want to know?

-I don't know where to start.

I just wondered if I'd put that first drink in her hand.

No.

No.

That was never, ever your fault.

Joan wasn't well, nothing to do with you.

-Thank you.

-Nothing to do with you.

-Thank you.

-And I want you today to take the burden off your shoulders.

Oh.

Please.

Come on, let's have a hug.

This guilt that I had, "did I cause her to start drinking?

", Pam's just taken it away.

[Pamela] I'm happy!

She's my blood, she's my sister.

I was so blessed with such a wonderful upbringing, which Pam just didn't have, but she says you, you just deal with the cards you're dealt and just get on with it.

We can say, right, this is day one, this is it, let's look to the future.

[singing choral arrangement] [Davina] Vicki Haskell has been searching for her South African birth mother, Ann, for over 30 years.

[choir laughing] Ever since she was a child, Vicki has clung on to this idea that if she could just find her birth mother, then maybe she could get that sense of connection that she's longed for.

Well, we haven't just found Ann, we've found a whole family in South Africa who are just dying to welcome her into the fold.

[peaceful music playing] -Hiya, Vicki.

-Davina.

-How are you doing?

-Nice to meet you.

-And you.

-Come in, please.

-Thank you.

-Thanks very much.

[door closes] Thank you very much for having me.

So... what is it, do you think, that's driving your search?

I've had a wonderful life, and I've got a lovely husband and great family and friends and people round me, but I would like to think that maybe I'm related to somebody who's still alive, who maybe I have half siblings, maybe I have full siblings somewhere.

Um...

I just feel I would like to know.

Well... your mum's been found.

Where is she?

She's in South Africa, just outside of Johannesburg.

-Is she well and...?

-She is well.

She's really well.

I spoke to Nicky after he met her.

It was the first time ever that he opened the door and somebody just cried and hugged him.

So, I think on an emotional level, you're gonna really relate to each other.

This is your birth mother.

[Vicki] That's amazing.

[Davina] She has never seen you after you were born.

So, you were just taken away, and she was made to promise never to try and contact you or sort of speak of you again.

She didn't tell a soul about it, so they've all been finding out about you.

And they are thrilled!

So, you say telling them all, how many are there?

Well, she's told, um, her brother and her sister, and her son, your half brother, Nick.

[Vicki] Wow.

The thing that she'd love to do more than anything else is to meet you in South Africa 'cause she wants to introduce you to everyone.

-So, if, if you're up for that, we'd... -Absolutely.

This is just amazing!

I have family.

Thank you so much.

[contemplative music playing] [Davina] After 53 years apart, Vicki Haskell has come to South Africa with her husband Curly to be reunited with her birth mother.

You've waited a long time for this, so enjoy every moment of it.

It feels rather surreal to finally be meeting somebody that I've wondered about basically my whole life.

She will be the first blood relative I've ever known.

So I hope that I would feel an emotional connection too.

It's very exciting that she found me because I never expected to meet her.

-Thank you.

-Okay, Mum, let's go.

So, Mum, how are you feeling?

I'm getting quite excited now, and I suppose nervous.

I just hope it's good for both of us.

[Nick] I'm sure it will be.

Ann has chosen to meet Vicki at a guesthouse in the mountains north of Johannesburg.

[Ann] This is pretty, isn't it?

Lovely.

[Nick] Okay, have fun.

-Enjoy!

-Thank you, I will.

-All right.

See you.

-All right.

-Bye.

-Bye-bye.

-Hello.

-[both crying] It's been a long time.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long.

I can't believe it!

Please, sit down.

Oh, my!

I never believed that I would be able to find you.

So... [sighs] Well, I never really believed that you would be able to find me either.

I'm just overwhelmed that you looked for me.

-Mm.

-I never really even tried to imagine what you would be like because I thought I must just not even think because I'd lost out and I knew I'd lost out on that daughter.

On you.

I just hope you had wonderful parents.

Oh, I did, and you made the right decision.

[Vicki] It felt wonderful!

I knew it was emotional for her as well as... it was for me and... it feels lovely.

[Ann] She's lovely!

She is my daughter.

Her family are all very excited.

This is incredible!

This is amazing to finally meet you.

Lovely to meet you.

-And this is my wife, Lara.

-Nice to meet you, Vicki.

-So, how has it been?

-And this is Curly!

This is my cousin, Paula.

[Vicki] To have family that I've never had and to know not just one, I've got a whole load of them.

I do feel like a different person, that I belong.

[family laughing] Next time on "Long Lost Family," a mother and daughter, searching for the man who's been missing from both their lives.

[woman] I've missed him from the day I agreed to go through with it, and I regret it.

I sincerely regret it.

And a sister searching for her brother, who was kept a secret until she was 17.

[woman] Dad said, "You need to promise me you won't tell your mum, but we're gonna find your brother.

I know where he is."

[peaceful music playing]