VOICEOVER (VO): Some of the nation's favorite celebrities... Why have I got such expensive taste?

VO: ..one antiques expert each... Oh!

Oh, yeah.

VO: ..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices?

Answers on a postcard.

Oh!

VO: And auction for a big profit further down the road?

Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice?

Do you like it?

No, I think it's horrible.

VO: And who will be the first to say "Don't you know who I am?!"

Well done, us.

VO: Time to put your pedal to the metal - this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

Yeah!

VO: A joust for antiquarian supremacy is about to take place in the English Riviera.

(CATTLE MOO) A new daring celebrity duo, each toting £400, is about to start a trolley dash for treasure.

They are husband and wife duo, queen of the sofa, Fern Britton, and prince of the puddings, Phil Vickery.

This reminds me of when you and I were courting, darling.

What does that mean?

Courting?

I'm so glad you're romantic and have these fond memories.

Courting is '50s!

No, we were courting.

We were going out together.

We're not that old!

Well, we did go out together.

Now we just stay in together.

No, cuz you... That's cuz you got to bed at 8.30!

VO: Fresh-faced Fern's career in local telly started here in Devon.

She swiftly became a breakfast time staple before taking up her position as queen of the daytime sofa.

You don't mind if I beat you today, eh?

Pardon?

You don't mind... You don't mind if I beat you today, do you?

I can't hear what you're saying.

It's this noise.

Listen... (MECHANICAL RUMBLING) VO: Galloping gourmet Phil is an award-winning cook turned TV chef.

His smorgasbord of experience includes competitive cooking in Ready Steady Cook and MasterChef.

How's the old car running there, then?

I think it sounds like it's misfiring a bit.

You don't need to worry about that.

Listen, listen.

(MECHANICAL RUMBLING) PHIL: Is that right?

FERN: It's Italian.

VO: And don't they look the height of sophistication cruising in this sleek little Italian number?

A '92 Alfa Romeo Spider.

Bella, bella!

So we're on our way now to meet James and Mark.

I love them.

Don't you?

I must admit, out of all the ones that we watch...

Yes.

..they're the two that make me laugh the most.

VO: The hilarious Brighton-based Mark Stacey's been in the trade over 25 years.

He's wearing quite well.

He loves art deco and retro pieces, but suffers from a crushing lack of confidence.

JAMES: They might have chosen.

MARK: This is it, you see, they might have looked at our averages and both of them will want to be with me.

VO: Ha!

Ha!

James Braxton is our debonair veteran auctioneer with a passion for quality and design.

He's larger than life and so is his laugh and he's terribly modest to boot.

Can I just imagine the scene, they are in their car and Fern is saying, "I'd love to go with that very dapper, "handsome, elegant man, James Braxton."

VO: See what I mean?

Adding a little fun and frivolity to the foray, the chaps have hit the road in Herbie, a 1969 classic VW Beetle.

The sun is out and the top is off, and, as usual, the experts are raring to go.

(MARK YAWNS) VO: Huh!

Well, James is, anyway.

VO: This quest for quirk takes place in the sunny southwest of England.

Starting in the glorious cream tea county of Devon, ending up at auction in Crewkerne, Somerset.

We're in scrumpy country!

Ooo-ar!

First stop is a quaint little village called Hele.

So what are you looking for?

Anything to do with cider?

I am a cider drinker.

I be a cider drinker from Somerset.

VO: Well, not while you're driving, chaps!

Well, I know you, you'll go for something that's...

Fishing!

Fishing memorabilia.

You'll go for fishing memorabilia.

Or agricultural...

Yes.

Or the faux zebra skin footstool, or a horrible 1960s bar.

Yes!

Like I've got at home.

A bit of class, proper antique.

PHIL: Darling.

FERN: Darling.

Ah-ha!

Ah, ha-ha!

FERN: It's so exciting.

MARK: Really?

FERN: Yeah.

We were slightly concerned, cuz I thought I might get... Is it Charles?

The gangly one that runs...

But, well, I suppose we have to pair off, don't we?

I know.

I'm not going to stand in the way.

Mark wants the intelligent lady of the sofa.

Phil, that's you then.

Oh, sorry!

(THEY LAUGH) I think we're gonna get on.

You're keen on antiques, as well?

Well, we love watching the program, and we always sit there going "Nah, that won't do it", and then of course it does.

So I can't say that we're good, but we are looking forward to it.

VO: I wonder if she'll feel the same after two days with Mark.

It's time to pick a pocket or two in Fagins Antiques where the spendfest begins for both our deal-doing duos.

I just hope, you know, when we make all these profits, Phil doesn't put that expression on.

That'll be him.

VO: Ah, yes, I see the resemblance now.

I'm Phil, pleased to meet you.

Chris.

Owner extraordinaire of this mighty place.

CHRIS: Have you had a good look round yet?

No, we're coming to the top man, I thought I'd save ourselves a bit of work, really.

Yeah.

VO: A little lazy perhaps, but hey-ho.

What about this ethnographic stuff down here?

Yeah, all that is a job lot.

PHIL: Really?

There's some good stuff here.

Yeah, we like spears.

Boys like spears, don't they?

PHIL: Yeah, I like spears.

JAMES: I like spears.

VO: I love spears.

So they would have used that, they put a grip on that, so that would have been used as a weapon.

Used by a witch doctor, probably.

Do you think so?

Witch doctor?

Blimey.

I quite like this sort of stuff.

What we've found is something of a different world, isn't it?

PHIL: Yes.

JAMES: So African.

I think it's very definitely African rather than sort of Polynesian, or anything like that.

And this does seem to sell quite well, doesn't it?

It does, and any country that had an empire loves all this sort of stuff.

It's very decorative, isn't it?

I quite like them, because I've just come back from Namibia.

So you immediately identified this.

Yes, I think it's oryx horn, isn't it?

Oryx horn.

I think it's oryx.

VO: African artifacts are sought-after items at auction and Chris is asking for £100 for the four, which has got our chef, or is that our chief, all fired up.

Look at that.

Look at that.

What, are you thinking, in for a penny, in for a pound?

For 100, we get all four.

The generosity knows no bounds.

You could argue that was witch doctor stuff, couldn't you?

It looks just like it.

VO: Oh, yes, witch doctors, making magical potions with spices and herbs - or is that a chef?

I always get them mixed up.

There's a lot of speculation in this, Phil, isn't there?

Mm.

I quite like that.

Whether it would sell or not, I don't know.

VO: The boys aren't yet convinced but Chris, keen to make the sale, thinks he can reel them in with another tribal treat.

It's a fishing one.

That's a fishing one?

It is, yeah.

Oh, with the barb.

I see what you mean, Chris.

Yeah, and this, these holes at the top... Where the wire gut goes through, isn't it?

Where your gut would have gone through, yeah.

So if it swims off, you're not gonna... Go on, throw that in.

No, 120.

120.

Are you sure?

VO: Oh, he's sure James, but that's over a quarter of your budget so there's a lot at stake, so as to speak.

Medium rare.

I've got to beat my wife, I have to beat my wife.

Well, don't use any of that!

No, no, no.

Perhaps I'll use that club!

VO: Metaphorically speaking of course, Phil.

Phil, happy with it?

PHIL: Very.

JAMES: I like it.

That's great.

Top man, thank you very much.

Always like to see smiling faces.

VO: They took the bait and have landed their first deal.

£120 for a mixture of tribal weapons and tools.

Our other odd couple are round here somewhere, I wonder what's taking their fancy?

Oh, gosh you see, that's weird, isn't it?

It's a dinner gong.

Oh, yes.

That's what it is.

Now I feel more like Hi-De-Hi!

Morning, campers.

Morning, campers.

VO: Hi-Di-Hi campers!

I just think they're great fun.

Do you know, cuz you've got... Cuz they're for the patio.

It's very um...

It would be lovely if you were sort of sitting out MARK: having a glass of wine.

FERN: Yeah.

Having picked the grapes.

Do you not think you'd have a bit of a cold bottom, though?

Well, not if it was summertime.

Oh, do you hate it?

I'm not as enamored by it.

I think somebody brought that back from a holiday in Rimini in 1973.

You're very opinionated sometimes, aren't you?

FERN: Yeah.

MARK: Shall we go and find... FERN: You love it.

MARK: I do.

I love being taken in charge!

VO: Oh, you old devil!

Mark and Fern see their opportunity to grab Chris.

They want a rummage in his smalls, so as to speak, so he's taking them to his office, the sanctum, where he keeps his special stash.

What's that winged thing over there?

Could I go behind your desk?

VO: The winged thing is a quirky bronze caste of an owl.

T-wit.

Oh, I like that.

Oh... You see, I think he's rather fun.

Owls can be quite collectable.

How much is that, Chris?

225.

Oh, come on, Chris.

You've just got such good taste, Mark.

I know I've got good taste, and you've got optimistic expectations.

VO: He's never one to mince his words, is he?

Chris' office is like an Aladdin's cave of curiosities and Mark's spotted another little beauty.

Oh, Fern, look at that.

Oh.

And it's got a model of a nurse and wounded Tommy.

First World War, so she's a VAD.

Oh, and what does that say?

Wellington, Somerset.

Oh!

I love the way he's looking so stoical FERN: ..with his hat still on... MARK: I know.

..but his leg mortally wounded.

Yes.

VO: The glazed porcelain model of a nurse and injured soldier is referred to as crestware as it bears the coat of arms from the town where it was sold.

Crestware was normally modeled on Roman and Greek pots, which makes this a rare item.

What is your very best on that, Chris?

The minimum has got to be 80.

When you said minimum 80, what did you really mean?

It's got to be a minimum of £80.

Oh.

VO: Oh.

I'm glad we cleared that up.

But if we bought the two, could you not do something on it for us?

No.

VO: Someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning.

Thick skinned Mr Stacey is taking it in his stride though, and has just uncovered another growler.

That little bear.

Yeah, Black Forest.

Which I think is quite fun.

Isn't he lovely?

He's quite a sweet, sentimental little thing.

I love teddies.

VO: These touristy Swiss wood carvings had their heyday in the 19th century but were still being made into the early 20th century.

What kind of price has Chris got on it?

40.

MARK: 40?

FERN: He is lovely.

He's perfect, isn't he?

FERN: I love him... MARK: He has a chip on his paw.

..than I love him.

Yes, he has got a chip on his paw.

Yeah, that's why it's only 40.

(MARK LAUGHS) FERN: You are good!

MARK I love the fact... FERN: He is very good.

MARK: He is smooth.

I love it, I love it.

He is smooth.

You are good.

VO: But not good enough to seal the deal just yet.

While Mark and Fern consider their options, smooth operator Chris has been summoned by the opposing team.

Phil spotted this lovely bench.

Yes.

Which just has a lovely, naive charm to it.

It's beautiful, yeah.

VO: You'll never get that in the car, chaps.

It's got great age.

It's got a great look to it, hasn't it?

Just beautiful.

But will we get a return on our money?

VO: Phil has Michelin-starred taste.

The 19th century ash bench is another pricey item with a whopping ticket price of £225, but is Chris ready to give a discount?

Doesn't look like it.

You could wound me a little bit at say 200.

What about 150, Chris?

Oh!

I said wound me a little bit.

No, I want to get you on the floor and give you a...

I'm going to go out of here a broken man I think.

VO: Look, no violence, chaps.

All that earlier spear handling and goring has quite gone to their heads.

160.

Oh, that is it.

Phil, what do you think?

PHIL: I love it.

JAMES: I love it.

Well, that's that then!

Big and bold, 150, do you think?

You've had the price.

I-I just suddenly I got that look from Chris where I knew I was slightly overstepping the mark.

Yes.

(THEY LAUGH) And this is where you smile and retreat gracefully.

It's a lovely item.

It is.

Go on, shake hands.

At last!

Cheers, Chris.

Thank you so much.

Hope you do well with that.

Thank you, Chris, really kind.

Really kind.

VO: And with that they've blown £280 of their £400 budget on a beautiful bench and some African artifacts, narrowly avoiding the wrath of Chris.

So leg it, boys.

Wow, that was very successful.

That was good, wasn't it?

Very successful.

So what happens now?

I don't know.

How does this car run?

This is actually quite nice.

JAMES: Is it?

PHIL: We should go in this, PHIL: Better than that thing.

JAMES: We should take it.

PHIL: Yeah, shall we?

JAMES: It drives well?

Yeah!

Let's go!

Come on.

VO: Whatever happened to ladies first?

Fern, Fern likes cars, doesn't she?

She loves her cars.

She loves her cars.

But she won't be very happy if we nick this one.

Excellent!

Let's get in.

VO: As our less than chivalrous chaps commit grand theft auto, inside, a little birdy tells me Mark may have found something special.

Fern...

I mean, look, am I mad?

Yeah.

I think so.

VO: It's one funky chicken.

It's a seesaw head from the 1950s with a ticket price of £75.

Can I get my bottom in there?

Oh, you see... Oh!

Oh, oh!

Oh, no, that's better.

Are you alright?

Yes, I won't be able to get up again.

Oh no.

Oh, well I can go and buy the owl.

VO: Shortly after a delicate dismount that no one needs to see... Erm, it doesn't do it for me.

MARK: Oh.

FERN: Sorry.

What would you do with it, where would you put it?

Oh, gosh, there's lots of people who buy this sort of stuff for their...

Youngsters buy them for their apartments.

VO: Really, grandpa?

I know you're a winner, and I know you're fabulous and wonderful... MARK: I'm not, actually.

FERN: ..and I adore you... Oh!

Can you say that again?

You're fabulous, you're wonderful and I adore you.

VO: Oh, don't encourage him.

But you've got to be sensible.

But I think you might have to be.

But... What?

I think if we could get this at the right price, it's a safer bet than the owl.

Shall we try?

Now you're talking sense.

He is quirky, come on.

FERN: Come on, let's do it.

MARK: Let's grab it.

FERN: OK. Come on.

MARK: Oh!

FERN: (GIGGLES) VO: Finally, they've decided on the crested ware piece and the Black Forest bear, which have a combined price of £120, and the chook is £75, but what will Chris take for all three pieces?

So if I did that for 30.

150 for the three?

Yeah.

You've got to be...

I think we've got to say that, haven't we?

Thank you, because that's lovely.

We've got three corking lots there.

VO: After much debate they've racked up three very interesting items of swag for auction, costing them £150 of their £400 budget.

We've got, still got, 250 quid left.

Ooh!

Oh-ho!

Don't go.

VO: Get going while you still have the money to spend.

Quick.

Now where's our car?

It looks like we've got the Beetle.

Ah!

Cuz the boys have stolen it.

I bet they thought we wanted the Spider, but actually I'm happier with the Beetle.

I'm much happier.

Good.

Shall we put it on the back seat?

Oh, shall we shove it on the back seat?

This could be fun.

Here we go.

Perfect.

Wha-hey!

VO: James, Phil and the stolen Spider are hustling 17 miles southeast on their way to a picturesque little village called Otterton, giving them plenty of time to bond over their love of fine food.

When did you start?

I found a job in the Lake District, which I loved, and I stayed there five years, and that really got me into the food and fresh chickens and fresh fish.

I did that for a few years, I got a bit fed up then, and I got a job in Sussex at a place called Gravetye Manor.

I know Gravetye.

We had our honeymoon night in Gravetye.

When, when, when?

When was that?

Oh, that would be 1986.

I was there then.

Right, yeah.

I was a sous chef.

Mr... Who was, what was..?

Peter Herbert.

Peter Herbert, yeah.

In 1986, I was the sous chef there.

Fabulous, well we were there.

Excellent cooking.

We stayed there for two days.

Oh, did you?

I sulked when I got to Skiathos because the food wasn't as good.

I might have cooked your meal!

Look at that.

VO: Quite the bromance developing between these two.

As a passionate foodie, Phil understands the importance of knowing where his raw ingredients come from, so he should love the next stop.

At Otterton Mill they've been producing flour for the community and surrounding area using the same traditional process for nearly 1,000 years.

Here's our man.

VO: The miller, Brian, is taking a break from the daily grind - hah - to show them how it all works.

I am indeed, I'm Brian, I'm the head miller here.

Ah, head miller.

Welcome to Otterton Mill.

VO: The earliest record of the mill is from the Domesday Book of 1068, which confirmed it as one of the most productive of 70 mills in Devon.

1,000 years later Otterton Mill is one of only a few watermills left in the area that preserves the traditional process in a working museum and bakery.

Perfect.

Oh.

Wow, what a beautiful place.

What a lovely...

Very good for the soul, isn't it, Brian, this river.

Running water is always extremely peaceful, isn't it?

It is peaceful, I agree.

Don't ask me why, but it is.

VO: Makes you want to go to the loo, though.

Although the mill has been restored over the years, the waterwheels that are still in use date back to 1827, and are powered by the River Otter.

Brian, are you going to give it some juice?

Let's see some power.

If we open this sluice now, we should be able to get the waterwheel to turn.

(MECHANISM RATTLES) Look at that.

Just straight... That is amazing.

Look at the speed of that thing.

VO: Otterton's most famous miller is John Uglow, milling here from 1843 to 1864.

With his unique French burrstones he ground flour so fine it was delivered as far afield as Plymouth.

25 kilo bags of wheat are hoisted upstairs to be poured into the hopper.

Brian's roped in Phil to give him a hand.

Stand by.

Said bag going up.

Thank you, Jerry.

25 kilos.

In it goes.

Come on!

When I first started work, I started work on the farm, and the bags of wheat then were two and a quarter hundred weights.

And we used to carry them on our backs.

That's 250 pounds.

That was quick for a fellow of your age!

Thank you very much.

250 pounds, on your back.

BRIAN: Yes.

JAMES: Really?

Yes.

Are you ready to start?

We're ready up here.

Yeah, I'm ready.

OK. VO: Ah.

After Jerry opens and closes a combination of water sluices, the water flow is enough to get the big wheel turning.

And the wheel will very shortly start.

Hey, presto.

As if by magic.

VO: The wheat flows through the top millstone, which revolves against the stationary bottom millstone, grinding the grain into flour.

Can they get too hot - the stones?

When we've milled for about an hour, the flour gets pleasantly warm.

When you taste our flour in a minute, you'll find that it's delightful.

VO: Originally around 25 farms in the local area used this mill, paying the miller to grind their grain into stock feed, or selling it to the miller to grind for the baker.

Here you are, gentlemen.

Feel the texture of it, and then taste the flavor of it.

Taste a decent pinch of it and you will get the full flavor of it.

Very good, isn't it?

And also it's a beautiful color.

It's a lovely color.

This sort of flour I would use for a sourdough or mix it with kibbled wheat, or... To get it almost a more rustic loaf.

What's a sourdough then?

In the air is yeast, flying around now, wherever you go, the yeast is there.

What you do is you get your natural yeast in the air, mix this flour with water, cover it in clingfilm, leave it in a warm place, airing cupboard, and the natural yeast will ferment, mix it up, warm place, warm place, and over a period of time you'll get a bucket as big as you want.

Then half of that is taken out, you make your bread as your leaven, which is your yeast, you feed it, and then next day use it again and again and again, so it just keeps growing.

A friend of mine had one 15 years and used warm water.

So you can make bread every day, and just keep it going, for months and months.

I'm very sad, but I did a lot of work on it.

VO: And it's time to put Phil's expertise to the test as Otterton has its very own bakery next door.

Nice to meet you.

So this is it, this is where it all happens, is it?

Yeah, this is where the magic happens.

VO: Zac the baker has invited the chaps in for a bread-making masterclass, not that James needs it of course.

Get a bit of flour.

Mine looks jolly good.

I'm slightly worried about yours, Phil.

VO: Looks OK to me, James.

Yours on the other hand... Yuck!

Can I pop mine in a tin, before I actually... Nobody will notice.

VO: Nice work, James.

The master.

The master!

VO: Yes, that's more like it.

This is a few loaves that I baked off literally about 10 minutes ago.

Oh, rock on.

Look at that.

Just perfect.

Oh, lovely and warm.

It's just that crust, isn't it?

With butter.

It cuts really... You mustn't eat hot bread.

Nice.

A sweet edge to it.

Lovely.

Why should it be nutty then?

Cuz there's nowt taken out, lad.

Nowt taken out.

JAMES: It's all in the nowt.

PHIL: Yeah.

VO: Now wash your hands.

So as Otterton Mill's big wheels keep on turning, so do ours, and Phil and James are back on the road.

As are Mark and Fern who have beetled their way from Hele, 13 miles south, to another little village called Woodbury just on the outskirts of Exeter.

Well, I'm rather worried, you know, because Philip and James seem to be hitting it off.

He said we've got the same sort of tastes, we're going for the same sort of things.

Oh, that's good, that's good.

Phil likes anything to do with fishing and shooting and that kind of country pursuits.

Oh.

It's not everyone's cup of tea.

It isn't.

VO: Whereas chicken-shaped seesaw heads of course are all the rage.

Next stop, Woodbury Antiques aka Rook Pie Antiques.

And just in time, as Fern is suffering from a common problem associated with the VW.

Excuse me, I've just got a little bit of Beetle bottom.

Oh, Beetle bottom!

VO: (LAUGHS) A twinkling cabinet of the shiny stuff has lured them in for a closer look.

There's a silver teething ring there as well.

One at the back is a marriage.

Oh, I know, I know.

FERN: Did you see that?

MARK: I know!

I just threw that one in.

You slipped that bit of knowledge in there.

FERN: I know.

MARK: Didn't you, Ms Britton.

VO: Crikey!

A marriage is a term used in the trade meaning two separate items joined together, so Fern's been doing her homework.

I tell you what, you have been watching these shows.

FERN: Told you.

MARK: Oh!

Do you know, I'm going.

You don't need me.

No, please come back.

OK. VO: Step aside, Mr Stacey, there's a new kid in town and she's come prepared.

Well, if only we had an eye glass to look to see if there was a mark.

I just might have...

Please, don't say you've got one on you.

VO: I wouldn't have expected anything less.

Now, I haven't a clue what I'm looking at, but I'm looking good doing it.

VO: Yeah, Mark's been getting away with that for years.

What am I doing here?

I don't know.

VO: Beats me.

He's taught me everything I know.

VO: The mind boggles!

Having inspected the silver, and found it wanting, it's time to browse forth, and there's an unusual little piece up ahead.

Oh, maybe it's... Oh, I see.

Oh, I see, then you put the books in and that pressures... Oh, it's quite odd - arts and crafts.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

See, the minute he says arts and crafts, he's excited.

Well, no, the label says that, I'm not getting excited.

No, I'm not saying that, you just mentioned it.

VO: They're like a pair of old ladies, these two.

That is unusual, Fern.

I've never seen anything like it.

No.

And even when it's not got books in it, it's rather sculptural.

You could have it on... Just as a sort of, a talking point.

To put your latest Virginia Woolf in there.

MARK: Do you write at all?

FERN: Yes.

Or your latest Fern Britton.

I happen to be number four in the Sunday Times bestsellers' list, at the moment.

Or your latest Phil Vickery cookbook.

Ah!

Actually, he's... His and hers.

He's got more than I have, yes.

VO: Ah.

Novelist, queen of daytime, ballroom dancer... and now, what about master negotiator?

Where's Jenny the shopkeeper?

It's time to make an offer on the book holder.

We want to have a little chat about this... About the springy thing?

Book...

I presume, I mean it is a book... JENNY: It is a book, yes.

FERN: ..case, isn't it?

£22 you've got on it.

I have indeed, yes.

And, erm...

It wouldn't be so rude as to ask what you paid for it.

But what do you think... What do you think we could pay for it?

Cash?

Have you got any ideas?

VO: Yes, but you're not going to like it.

This is cheeky.

Ten?

Well.

Well, that's fairly cheeky, but you read my mind.

VO: She's telepathic too.

How about something more round about 16?

FERN: 16.

MARK: Oh.

£12?

VO: She's not giving up.

Well, that's quite a nice number, isn't it?

It's a lovely number.

It's a round figure, isn't it?

It's a dozen, which is a lovely word.

I think you can tempt me at 12.

Thank you, darling.

I'm really thrilled with that.

£12 for the lady, please.

I'm not allowed to carry money, I'm like the queen.

VO: Perhaps, but the queen doesn't have one of those fetching bumbags to keep it in, either.

Another oddity stashed for auction.

Hurrah!

With their car boots bulging with booty it's been a great day's shopping all round.

Time to turn in for the evening.

Night, night, y'all.

VO: Behold a brand new day with plunder to purchase.

And there's nothing that gets you going more than life on the open road with the wind in your hair.

Oh, lovely smell of petrol there.

Yes.

We've bought two items yesterday, almost all our budget.

No, I don't believe it.

Yeah.

When I phoned home last night, one of the girls said to me, "Did Dad buy anything like a weapon?"

Weapon?!

She knows you!

VO: (LAUGHS) And daddy's little girl was right.

The likely lads splurged £280 on some African weapons and tools, and an ash bench on which to perch.

They've £120 left to go wild with today.

Happy with it?

Very.

I like it.

VO: Whereas this terrible twosome have spent £162 on a Black Forest bear, the nurse and injured soldier, the chook and an expanding book holder, leaving them £238 to splash before auction.

FERN: Ooh!

VO: Oops.

Second day, James.

The weather's still with us.

I'm getting on really well with Fern.

Are you?

Yeah, she's lovely, actually.

He's a very naughty boy.

He's naughty, he's a very naughty boy, and he makes me laugh.

So we did alright.

Do you know what James reminds me of?

He reminds me of a small child that doesn't pay attention, but looks like Jack Nicholson!

He does.

Don't you think?

VO: Crikey, he's right.

The thing is I want to call him Jack now, because he's so... Like Jack and James.

I nearly did it yesterday!

VO: Here's Johnny...

I mean Jack, no, James.

Look at this.

A lovely beech wood.

Beech has a lovely light, doesn't it?

VO: The fortune hunters are taking their race for riches 30 miles south to the busy fishing town of Brixham.

Whey.

Well done.

How did the Beetle beat this mean machine then?

How did you get here so quick?

I have no idea.

We haven't got a satnav.

It has to be an ice-cream, that's what we need, isn't it?

Right, let's go.

The shops are this way.

JAMES: T'other way.

FERN: Are you off?

See you later.

FERN: Goodbye.

MARK: Come on.

Oh, are we?

Quick, before they get everything.

VO: Looks like Fern and Mark are hitting it off too.

It makes you feel all warm inside.

Well, maybe.

Brixham once had Britain's largest fishing fleet, and was the birthplace of the famous Brixham Trawler.

It's still a busy harbor today where pleasure seekers come to see the replica of Sir Francis Drake's ship, The Golden Hind, but there's no time for sight-seeing on this trip.

So here we are.

If I'm closed and you see anything, just leave a note.

There we are.

Or ring.

Come on, you lazy lump, get out of bed.

Peter, it's James Braxton from the Antiques Road Trip.

We're anxious, Phil Vickery and I, anxious to get in your shop.

Bye.

Well, Phil.

There we are, this is a good start to the day.

VO: It's unlucky, lads, especially as you've quite a lot of shopping still to do.

Hoping to bust their budget on one final piece of precious plunder, Mark and Fern have arrived at just the shop.

Well, this looks like our shop.

VO: Owner Caroline's ready and waiting for the onslaught.

Good morning.

Hello, I'm Fern, how do you do?

CAROLINE: Caroline.

FERN: Caroline?

CAROLINE: Yeah.

FERN: Here's Mark.

CAROLINE: Pleased to meet you.

MARK: Nice to meet you.

And are you feeling in a generous mood towards us?

Oh, I'm sure I can be.

As long as you don't upset me.

Ooh!

Fern, don't upset her.

No, I won't.

I was thinking more of Mark than Fern!

Exactly.

VO: Ah!

She's seen you work, Mark.

Mark's obsession with owls continues.

Actually, it could possibly be 500 years old, I don't think it is, somehow, do you?

Well, it says 1567.

1567, that's seven minutes past four.

Yes.

No, it's got all this... Keep up, Fern.

Of course, had it been that sort of date, then we'd be talking tens of thousands, but...

There's no price on it, so it could be free.

I just think he's charming, you know.

There is a bit of charm there.

Well, look at those lovely eyes.

It's like James Braxton after a red wine.

VO: That's like James Braxton before a red wine.

Huh!

Speaking of which... Peter's been on and he's going to be an hour so the boys are having to find other ways to entertain themselves.

I need an ice cream.

Hello.

Hey.

Can we have an ice-cream?

Yes, certainly, here.

VO: I say, this is more fun than antique shopping.

I'll have a ripple.

When I was a kid, my grandma used to give us these.

Alright.

And we used to get an old bottle, put that in the bottle and put warm water on it, and that was our drink.

(JAMES LAUGHS) And we used to call it grog.

JAMES: Grog.

PHIL: There you go.

VO: Sounds revolting.

Thank you.

Mm!

Very good, isn't it?

I wonder if Peter's arrived yet.

VO: Bad news, there's a queue forming outside the shop.

Are you after Peter?

Yeah.

VO: Even the dog's after Peter - he'd better get a move on.

Stop dribbling...you.

Meanwhile, just nearby...

It's a bird.

No, I thought it was James and Phil for a minute there.

Trying to get in.

Trying to get in.

What is that?

It's a cockatoo.

He's trying to get out.

He's locked in, it's alright.

You'll be fine.

Oh, does he bite, then?

Well, he would you, cuz he doesn't know you.

VO: Well, he might, because he does.

At least these two are in a shop, albeit with an angry old bird.

James and Phil are still hanging about outside though.

12.30 now.

Is it?

PHIL: When did we come here?

JAMES: 9.30.

He said an hour, didn't he?

Yeah, well, that's Devon for you, isn't it?

I've had enough of this.

It's a slower pace of life down here.

I'll tell you what, James.

We'll give him half an hour.

We'll give him half an hour.

Then we have lunch.

Then we'll have lunch.

Then we just go home.

VO: Don't give up hope, boys!

There's still time.

They've almost drawn a blank in this little shop, but Mark's still eyeing up that bird... No, the owl.

I like the fact it's handmade.

Yes.

And the lovely color, slipware.

Yes.

He's got an appealing face.

I... Oh, thank you.

Oh, you meant the jug.

No, the owl.

What do you think?

You don't like it at all.

He could be very interesting, and I think people think he's interesting not necessarily cuz he's nice, but because they'll think of the famous one that went for hundreds of thousands.

Which was Olly the owl.

Olly the owl.

VO: It was Ozzy the owl, actually.

The Staffordshire slipware jug valued at £20,000.

Although this is no Ozzy, Mark knows how collectable owls can be, so he might be onto something.

I just think he's got something quirky about him.

If the price... Is right.

You know, if it was, say, £5...

I'd like... Let's go 20.

Oh, no.

Now you see, but you understand, that's not going to get us anywhere.

We're a pair of wise old owls.

I'm not paying 20 for that.

Can't?

Oh, I might go to 5.50.

FERN: (GASPS) Look at the damage.

You come up a bit, and I'll drop down a bit.

Well, I think if it is £5 or £6 then we're going to get a little bit of profit out of it, aren't we?

Yes, we are.

If it's £20, I don't think we will.

We're not.

We'll shake on that, I think.

MARK: On what?

CAROLINE: 6.50.

Oh, 6.50!

Did you see that one coming?

She nearly got me then.

I nearly got her then.

That hand nearly came out.

And went straight down to my sides.

Oh, damn.

Do you know, I've never seen you move so fast.

Honestly.

CAROLINE: Six, go on then, six.

FERN: Yes?

Are you sure?

Yes.

£6.50.

Do it.

Hand it over.

I'm really pleased, honestly.

Thank you so much.

Very good.

VO: Well, you can't argue with that, can you?

They're fully stocked up on items to trade at auction and they've only spent £168 of their £400 budget.

What a prudent pair.

They're tired, they're weary, but is their luck about to change?

Brixham Junk is their final hope for glory.

This is the moment they've been waiting for.

Behold, Peter!

Does he hold the key to their success?

I doubt it.

It's all happening here, isn't it, Peter?

So are we allowed to have a rummage through this?

Yeah, of course, you know, it's all 50 pence each, any five bits for £1.

So the pricing structure isn't very difficult to understand.

How do you know what you've got, Peter?

It comes in every day, sir, and goes out every day.

I sold that this morning, I sold loads of stuff every day.

Really.

Busy as Tesco's in here.

Mental.

You couldn't make it up how busy it is.

I swapped a motorbike for a pair of speakers yesterday.

Cor look at this, it's like Aladdin's cave.

VO: If Aladdin owned a jumble sale.

PHIL: But this is where you find a bargain, isn't it?

It is.

It really is.

I don't think he knows what he's got.

No, he hasn't a clue.

VO: Brixham Junk is one of the busiest shops in town, and for good reason.

Goods of all types go in and out at a furious rate at knockdown prices.

There's something for everyone if you know what you're looking for.

We got these this morning, gentlemen.

They're just a tenner.

Tenner?

What is this, then?

Silver coins.

Silver coins.

Full set.

Must be worth a tenner.

Look at that, look at that.

There's one missing.

No, it's a full set.

Look at that.

And they're silver?

They're silver, they're definitely silver, yeah.

Tenner?

It's got to be had, hasn't it?

It's got to be worth it.

Peter, we'll take that one, it's a good start, mate.

Top man.

VO: These coins are to commemorate the 80th birthday of the Queen Mother and are very collectable so that set could be a tasty little earner for them.

That's alright, sir, breakages don't have to be paid for in here.

There's even a sign up there, you see.

"Breakages don't have to be paid for in here."

JAMES: (CHUCKLES) VO: This is a truly unique experience.

Peter likes the bulk buy approach, selling off his treats a box at a time so the lads are loading up.

I got these two, look at these.

Go on, throw it over.

Do you want this?

Oh!

Keep it coming.

It's heavy.

Oh, ow.

Are you alright?

Yeah, yeah.

Watch that.

Oh, look at that.

VO: Peter can't believe his luck.

That's quite nice.

That's a Victorian sugar box, so pre-1894.

We've got pressed glass here, we've got a sort of rather fun Smiths clock, but we've got a silver... PHIL: Oh, look at that.

JAMES: ..dedication there.

We should really get a good return on this stuff.

We should get a good return.

But the great thing about this, Phil, is Mark's gonna get absolutely mental.

Why?

VO: I doubt it.

Because he'll think it's some sort of infringement or something, or slightly unfair.

And no, the real reason is that he can see a thumping profit in it.

VO: Well, this has been the ultimate forage for fortunes.

And I'm not sure they've found any, but they're ready to deal and Peter of course was born ready.

How much do you want to give me for it?

I don't know Peter, as little... Well, not as little as possible.

Yeah, go on.

Little as possible, go on then.

Say a price.

What, two quid?

I've just had heart attack.

Oh, what, too much?

The man was expecting £1.

A fiver.

I'll be delighted with a fiver.

VO: I think Peter's just glad to be rid of it.

But before they can make their getaway he's got a couple of beauties he's been keeping up his sleeve.

A stylish pair of stepladders?!

Oh, gawd.

These were in Vogue magazine, gentlemen, look.

These ones?

Yeah, make them into bookcases.

VO: No they don't.

How do they make them into bookcases?

Yeah, what do you do?

Well, I haven't got a clue, have I?

You mean they open them up and they put the planks across.

Very fashionable, very, very fashionable.

Are they fashionable?

Very fashionable.

VO: They're stepladders.

And you don't use them as stepladders then?

No, no, course you don't, that'd be silly, wouldn't it?

Really?

VO: Ridiculous!

So £20 for the pair?

20?

£20, that's a bit... How about a 10?

What, for the pair?

Yeah.

Nice pitch.

A tenner would be very fair for the pair.

Would it?

VO: Seriously chaps, this isn't happening, is it?

I would not really expect to walk away with a couple of stepladders.

But we only paid a tenner.

They're a fiver each.

Fiver each.

We've got to make some money on that, haven't we?

Even the steps have got to be worth a fiver each.

Yeah, well it's a good bit of kindling, isn't it?

VO: Dear, oh dear.

James and Phil's shopping trip ends at the Brixham junk shop where they've bought a set of silver coins, an assorted box of ornaments and some ladders.

Oh, blimey O'Reilly.

I'm worn out.

I'm worn out, physically and mentally.

I need some lunch.

VO: Blissfully unaware of the eventful morning, Fern and Mark are having their own ice-cream while getting to know each other a little better.

Of all the people you've interviewed, is there someone that's stuck in your mind that you've thought, that was wonderful?

Yes, Desmond Tutu.

He was funny, he was warm, he's an angel on earth.

He is.

Unbelievable.

I was allowed to go into his room where he had all his archives, all his passports, all his doctorates, his Nobel Peace prize, everything.

He stood there and goes, "Would you like a Ferrero Rocher?"

I mean, really, just gorgeous.

I would have been tempted to say "Monsieur Ambassador..." I nearly did!

VO: When it comes to lady writers with a yarn to spin, Fern's in excellent company, as just west of Brixham is the holiday home of crime queen Agatha Christie.

She created iconic sleuths Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple and her 66 detective novels have sold around four billion copies worldwide.

House steward Lucinda Heron's here to meet them.

Oh, we're so pleased to be here, aren't we?

We're so excited, aren't we?

We're so excited, honestly.

We've been waiting!

It's been murder waiting to come.

VO: Fern's latest novel is called The Holiday Home, so where better to come for a shot of inspiration than Greenway House where Agatha, her husband, Max, and their daughter spent their holidays.

Oh, it has a lovely feel, doesn't it?

Wow.

A proper home.

It's a real home, isn't it?

It is.

Exactly.

VO: The house was taken over by the National Trust and has been restored exactly as Agatha and her family left it - decor, furniture, collections, the lot.

I noticed something rather dangerous looking over there, what is that?

It's a box of homeopathic remedies, because Agatha was trained to be a dispensing chemist, she worked as that in the First World War and the Second World War.

Wow.

And this obviously belonged to her.

And they are well and truly tied down, because some of the little vials have still got liquid in the bottom, so we wouldn't want the visitors getting hold of them.

And there's one that, if you look over here, is hyoscine, and she obviously used that as a poison in one of her stories.

Oh!

Oh!

So that's how she knew about the poisons.

She could have poisoned you, she knew exactly what she was doing.

VO: Agatha's unique brand of "whodunnit" murder mystery has been adapted for film and TV many times over.

And Poirot and Marple made all the more memorable by the actors who portrayed them.

Are you a Poirot or a Marple?

Well, I like both of them, to be honest.

You see, I'm a Marple person.

You like Marple.

So who's your favorite Miss Marple?

Oh, without a shadow of a doubt, Margaret Rutherford.

It's just that tune... # Do, do, do, do, do-do-do.

# And she used to walk with her bosoms forward.

Yes, oh, absolutely.

But very...

But that's very British, stuff and nonsense, stoic.

Yes.

You know, whatever you throw at me, best foot forward.

VO: During the Second World War, Greenway House was a home for evacuated children before being requisitioned by the US Navy.

Oh, I love it.

It is beautiful.

VO: The library shows a frieze of US Coastguard Flotilla 10's personal story painted by Lieutenant Marshall Lee, which Agatha kept when the house was finally returned to her.

It really feels like she's just got up and put the kettle on, in another room.

Yes.

Right to the fact that she's left her chocolates on the table.

Oh!

Look at that.

Dame Agatha, thank you.

VO: Hands off, Mark!

Agatha set three novels at Greenway House, and when you enter the drawing room it's easy to see where she drew her inspiration from.

Is this where she would have Poirot make sure that everybody understood why they were gathered together.

Oh, yes, we're gathered here today...

Yes, to discover who the murderer is.

Monsieur Poirot, your imagination has run away with you.

Exactly, as they reached into their handbag to pull out a small pistol.

That's right.

But this is the room apparently where she would try her stories out on her house guests, for the very first time, and she'd be sitting in this chair here, she would sit and try her stories out, and see what everybody thought before they were published, and apparently, Max, her husband, would doze off, and then he would wake up and tell everyone who'd done it.

VO: Road Trip's very own budding detectives have had a short glimpse into the life of Agatha Christie, but it's time to get going.

We must say goodbye, because we have a mystery of our own to solve.

LUCINDA: Oh, right.

MARK: We do.

Good luck.

The mystery of who's going to win.

VO: And we'll find out whodunnit later.

First it's time to look at each other's finds.

Greenway has its very own quay on the River Dart, where the grand unveiling is about to take place.

OK, ready?

One, two, three.

Ah-ha!

Look at that.

Wow, wow, wow.

Treasures, all.

VO: Phil's lost for words.

Wow.

Isn't that wonderful?

I think it's great.

But he's fun, isn't he?

JAMES: He's great fun.

PHIL: Is it he?

Er, yeah, duckie.

I think so, cuz he's... And it's a duck?

No, it's not, it's a chicken, cuz look, it's got the crown.

Yes, price?

£30.

Probably get 30 quid back for it.

Oh, I think, and a little bit more, I think.

Yeah, well.

And then, the rest of it, our major bit, is the little crested figure here of a nurse attending an injured Tommy in the war, and it's actually a very rare Arcadia model, that.

And how much did you buy it for?

We bought it for 90.

Oh, that's alright.

No.

80.

We bought it for 80.

80?

Wow.

But that should be worth £150 to £200 at auction.

They are rare.

Our little duck was from today, you know it was difficult to buy anything.

It's an owl, yes.

Did I say duck?

You did, darling.

Well, I was so... Do you know, I don't know my birds any more.

No, you don't.

It's very damaged.

But this is an owl.

He is very damaged, and he is in a poor state.

But he is 1655.

As it says on the front.

Oh, 1567.

Yeah.

19... What is it?

No, 1567.

1957?

1567 it was made.

It's got the date on it.

So we know it's very poor quality, we know it's got chips in it... Oh, it's not poor quality!

But charm, the charm of him.

The charm is wonderful.

Do you know what?

I love these items.

Do you?

I love 'em.

He's being horrible, isn't he?

I love 'em.

VO: People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

One, two, three.

Ooh.

Oh, those are good lots for a Somerset sale, actually.

That bench is gorgeous.

Now, we absolutely love that bench, and underneath the bark's, it's been used, and it's wonderful.

It's a lovely bit of ash.

It's got a lovely grain.

We love that.

I love that grain, and I love MARK: that simple... PHIL: It just goes on.

..peg technique as well.

To put the legs in, it's really lovely and rustic.

And I sat on it and we felt it, I said, "Oh, my goodness, this is fantastic".

What did you pay for it?

Well, have a guess.

200.

Very good, very good.

160.

160.

It's a nice thing.

FERN: It is, it's lovely.

MARK: It's a good item.

It's a punt.

It's a punt.

Then, the artifacts, I just love.

That was a fishing spear, and you can see where the holes were....

The tribal.

So we thought... African tribal.

Love it, absolutely.

I think the Ding-Donga-Donga tribe from South Africa.

Yeah.

Anyway.

What do you think of our ladders?

Our ladders.

Well, there's a pair.

It just demonstrates the level of what we were working with.

Really?

But for a fiver each, we thought...

I love them.

It's wonderful.

If somebody wants a ladder, for a fiver...

I think they're fab.

And I think they're perfect for that sale, honestly.

Those should make, I think, at least, 12.

VO: That much?

Behind you, just stand up, please.

FERN: Oh!

MARK: Oh, dot.

Oh, my goodness, so one big box of stuff.

It's all individual rubbish.

24 carat gold.

Damaged, chipped.

But that's about the best we could do there.

Well, you did very well.

And we paid for that?

Was it five?

£5.

PHIL: Five quid.

MARK: Right, OK. Well done, boys.

Well done, great.

Very good.

Good luck at auction.

Right, see you there.

VO: Neither team seems too impressed, so this should be interesting.

It's time to spill the beans.

I think that went really well!

I don't honestly think the other items they bought are that great.

I don't understand spears and African art.

They paid a lot for those, 120 quid.

They did.

It's quite a lot, you know.

The green thing you said was, even though it damaged.

The green vase.

No, it's a great look and everything.

It's damaged.

That's not going to make 100 quid, is it?

JAMES: No.

PHIL: No.

Whoever wins, I don't care.

No.

I've had such a laugh.

Really, really good fun.

Really good fun.

Do you know you what, I feel a bit sorry for them, actually.

VO: Now, now Mr Vickery, the proof of the pudding is in the eating as you very well know.

The auction is in the south Somerset town of Crewkerne, which grew up around the textile industry.

They used to make sails for the Royal Navy here.

Ha!

Ha!

If you win, I will make you a cup of tea in the morning for a week.

A week?!

Yeah, that's plenty.

So if you win, I will cook you your favorite supper, whatever you want, for seven days.

OK, shake.

VO: I can't help thinking Fern's got the better end of this deal.

Lawrence's auction in Crewkerne specializes in fine art, collectables and sporting sales, and the expert team there have a combined experience of over 200 years.

Gosh, morning boys.

Morning, morning.

The sun is out, gentlemen.

It only shines on the righteous, I believe.

Looking good.

VO: The hero with the hammer at the helm of today's sale is Richard Kay, who has his own thoughts on our lots.

There are some interesting pieces, some I think that might struggle a little bit more.

There is a very unusual item which is a metal cast head of a cockerel, such as one might find on a playground seesaw, rather limited appeal, but I daresay to somebody who's got the other end of the seesaw, it could be worth £50 or £60.

There is quite a nice piece of good, honest country furniture which is the long, ash bench, perfect for a farmhouse kitchen, and there are plenty of those within 20 miles of where we're standing at the moment.

So that, we hope, will be worth between £80 and £120.

VO: Nifty thrifty duo Fern and Mark only spent £168 of their starting £400 to buy five lots for auction.

He's taught me everything I know.

VO: Whereas Phil and James forked out £305 of their £400, also amassing five lots.

Well, it's a good bit of kindling, isn't it?

VO: The clash of the treasure seeking titans is about to commence.

Here we go, shush.

VO: Ooh, sorry, Fern.

First up is her and Mark's Black Forest bear.

Will it do a roaring trade?

Small Black Forest bear, model, seated there, £10 for it.

£10 is bid, £10 is bid, opening bid at 10, 12 now.

Are you bidding?

15.

£15, it's near me at the cabinets at 15, lady's bid at £15, 18.

FERN: Yes.

RICHARD: At 18.

Gosh, that's a beautiful bear, that's absolutely lovely... Oh, sorry.

What a fabulous bear that is.

£18.

20.

Are you together?

No.

20 now.

Gentleman's bid at 20.

JAMES: (LAUGHS) At £20, and I'm selling.

Oh!

You got an extra £2.

What was the loss on that?

What was the loss on that?

VO: Oh, don't ask, Phil.

Despite Fern's efforts the little bear makes a big loss.

I prefer to be going backwards, rather than down.

VO: Phil and James are hoping for an out of this world price for their African artifacts.

£20 for them all?

£20 is bid.

25, 30, five.

40, five, 50, five.

60, five, 70, five.

75.

Gentleman's bid at 75, and I'm selling now at £75.

All done at 75.

Oh, gosh, I tell you what, that was creeping up then.

VO: Not creeping enough, though.

Another crashing loss.

A bad start for both teams.

I'm not gloating.

I never gloat, it's unattractive.

VO: Can Fern and Mark cash in on the rare crestware nurse and soldier?

Interest here, bids start me at 45, £50 is bid.

RICHARD: £50 is bid.

MARK: Oh, come on.

55, 60, five, 70, five.

80, five.

90, five, I'm out.

It's 95 in the room...

This is very cheap.

At £95.

At 95 on my left, are we done elsewhere?

Last time at £95.

It should have made a lot more.

Licked its chops.

It should have made a lot more.

VO: Unfortunately the bidders didn't agree, but it's profit nonetheless.

Have we made a small profit?

We've made 15 quid.

We're happy with that.

VO: Phil and James step up with their next lot - the ladders.

Can they elevate their chances of success?

£5 I have for these.

At £5, will anyone go higher on them?

Ha-ha.

£5, £8 is bid and I'm out.

It's £8 and I'm selling at eight, at £8, it's in the room.

Quickly at eight, last time at eight.

FERN: Oh!

MARK: That was £8!

VO: Another loss for Phil and James.

That's disappointing... Oh, darlings.

Aw.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

VO: But chin up, it's Fern and Mark's fairground chook next.

I'm bid £30 here.

Oh, wonderful, we're straight... We've covered our... 45 and I'm out.

It's £45.

50, new bidder.

55.

55, it's on my left, I'm selling at £55.

Fabulous, very rare.

At £55, who are these people?

£55.

I'm selling at 55 now.

At 55.

Whoo!

VO: The little chicken turned out to be a prize bird.

Well done.

You see, I told you we should buy that, didn't I?

Yes, you did.

Alright!

That is a good profit.

That's why you're the expert.

VO: Next up, could Phil and James be in the money with their commemorative coins?

Bids here start me at £50, I have at £50.

Good luck, boys.

Good luck.

60, 65 now.

It's 65 on my far left, I'll sell at 65.

Are we done elsewhere at £65?

I'm selling, last time.

Oh.

Well, it's a jolly good profit.

VO: At last, the boys are back in the game.

Let's hope they can keep it up.

His face!

I've lived with this for 15 years.

Oh!

Nobody knows how I've suffered.

Not much longer!

VO: Can Fern and Mark extend their lead with the unusual book holder contraption?

What shall we say, £10 for that?

£10 for it?

At £10 somewhere.

FERN: It's beautiful.

JAMES: Five, five.

At £10, five anywhere?

Five is bid.

Eight now.

Come on.

10, 12.

£12, gentleman's bid.

Selling at 12, 15...

Yes!

It's cheap.

15, are you bidding, no?

£15... Come on!

Come along, sir.

I'm selling in the room at 15, are we done at £15?

Way too much.

Well, that's disappointing.

JAMES: Put it down.

PHIL: Way too much.

Just disappointing.

Is it?

VO: A tiny profit, but it was barely worth the effort.

At least it's a profit.

It's a profit, it's what we call profit.

After commission, it's 12.

VO: Actually it's about 30p profit, but let's not quibble.

It's James and Phil's ornamental lucky dip up next.

Household ornaments...

Here we go.

Crockery and collectable items.

One of the collectable items showing for you there.

Where?

Whoop!

Whoop!

£10 for this lot, if you will?

£10 for it.

£10 anywhere?

Five then?

Oh, dear, £5 anywhere, at £5?

Five is bid, thank you, at £5.

At £5 I'll sell.

It's £5 only.

Are we done at £5?

Last time.

Ah, lovely.

Broke even.

VO: Despite that disappointment there's still very little between the teams.

It all rests on the final two lots.

They're laughing again.

We mustn't laugh.

No, we mustn't.

VO: The Ozzy wannabe slipware jug is up next.

Hopefully there are some owl fans in the house.

Bids here start me at 40, 45, 50.

55, £60 is bid.

65, 70, five, 80.

Five, 90.

Are you bidding?

95 now.

£95.

Told you!

At 95 and I'm out.

It's in the room.

Are you bidding?

100.

Go on!

It's 100, 110.

No, it's 110, ladies and gentlemen, 110.

At £110, and I'm selling at 110, are we clear?

5087, thank you.

Whoo!

Well done.

JAMES: Well done.

FERN: Thank you.

VO: What a surprise!

Mark's fascination for owls paid off, taking Fern and Mark into the lead.

JAMES: That is so unfair.

PHIL: I can't believe it.

I'm going off them.

VO: It all lies with Phil and James' beautiful farmhouse bench.

Can this lovely piece of ash bring them wads of cash?

Interest here, bids start me at 75, 80, 85, £90 is bid.

£90 I have, at £90.

At £90.

At £90 I'm selling.

It's on commission at £90 against you in the room.

For the last time then at 90.

FERN: Oh!

MARK: Oh.

Gosh, I thought you were going to be in profit then.

Me too.

VO: A disastrous sale for Phil and James, but Fern can enjoy a slap-up feast for a week, courtesy of Phil.

After all, a deal's a deal.

James, come on.

Look, it's not the winning that counts, it's the taking part.

Have I got to shake your hand again?

It's the taking part.

It's not about the winning.

It's not.

VO: Both celebrities started with £400.

VO: Phil and James took a hefty hit, and after auction costs made a loss of £105.74, leaving them with only £294.26.

VO: Fern and Mark did marginally better and after costs made a profit of £73.90, resulting in a finishing budget of £473.90.

All profits large and small go to Children In Need.

Well, I tell you what Mark, that was amazing.

I don't know what happened, I don't know what happened.

It wasn't supposed to happen that way.

No, it wasn't.

Well, it was for us.

It's been fantastic.

It has been, Phil, it's been great.

Really enjoyed it.

JAMES: Shall I drive?

MARK: Yeah, you can drive the winner home.

Ooh, nice one!

How very starry.

They're like an old married couple, look.

Well, they are.

They're worse than we are.

FERN: Bye, boys!

PHIL: Bye.

Alright, loser?

VO: Humble in victory as ever, our Mr Stacey.

Bon voyage!

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