- Hello, readers, welcome to Read, Write, Roar.

Today, we will be giving some feedback to our friend, Mrs.

Spear, on her story about the storm at the lake.

We will also learn some new high frequency words.

I can't wait to get started.

- [Narrator] This program is made possible in part by the Michigan Department of Education, the state of Michigan, and the W.K.

Kellogg Foundation.

Additional support by, and by viewers like you, thank you.

(bouncy music) (soft music) - Hello, learners.

It's Ms. Rodgers to talk about high frequency words.

We learn these words, because they are going to show up a lot when we're reading and writing.

If we can understand how these words work, and learn how to spell them, it will help us when we read and write.

Here we go.

The first word I have today is the word by.

Say it with me, by.

The squirrel sat by the tree.

Now this word has two sounds, B, I.

Say it with me, B, I.

So those two sounds come from each of the two letters, the B says B, and the Y says I.

So when I put these two letters together, it says by.

Let me hear you say it again.

By.

Now we're going to write this word.

You can write it in the sky, sky writing, or you read it on the palm of your hand, or on a sheet of paper.

I have my dry erase board, so I'm going to write it there.

So first let me put my word by up here, so I can see what I'm writing.

B.

B. Y. I sound.

By.

Excellent job.

I have another word for you, and that word is what.

Say it with me, what.

Now this word has one, two, three, four, four letters, and it also has some sounds, W, U, T. Hm, it has three sounds.

Say it with me.

W, U, T. Three sounds.

So those three sounds come from four letters.

The W, H makes the W sound.

The A is a schwa, so it makes U sound, or like the letter U.

And then the T says T. So when I put it together, W, U, T, it's what.

Say that with me.

What.

Now my sentence for this word will be, what is your favorite season, or what is your favorite time of the year?

My favorite time is fall.

So now we're going to write this word on our dry erase board.

Again, you can sky write your word.

You can write your word in the palm of your hand using your finger, not a marker.

And then you can also use paper and pencil.

So I'm going to go ahead and put this word up on my dry erase board, and I'm going to write it.

W, W, H. U, which is the A, the schwa sound.

And T. What.

So my two words are by and what.

(soft music) Hello, amazing learners.

Today we're going to give feedback to Mrs.

Spear on her story about her experience at Otsego Lake State Park.

We're going to use a feedback strategy from Inside Information, but a special thanks goes to Dr. Nell K. Duke, and Scholastic for allowing us to use the editing checklist from Inside Information.

I have written three feedback sentences here in order to edit, or help Mrs.

Spear edit her writing.

(bouncy music) I read all of Mrs.

Spear's story, but today I'm going to focus on this page.

We all went into the water, wading out.

The kids jumped, and went under.

They came up fast.

We laughed seeing their faces.

Then Matt went out for a swim.

The kids and I looked at shiny rocks.

They wanted to go out by Matt, so I had to go under.

It was cold.

We swam, and played Red Rover.

What a great time we were having.

So, I'm going to start with something that I especially liked.

Now when I read the story that Mrs.

Spear wrote, she said, what a great time we were having.

This helped me to connect with the characters, Mrs.

Spear's family, and showed me how they were really feeling.

So in my response to her, something I especially like, I would say something I especially like is your last sentence that shares with me your family's feelings.

Oh, that's a lot.

So how can I condense that, or make it shorter?

Something I especially like is when you shared how your family was feeling.

That just might work.

(bouncy music) Something I especially like is your sentence about your family's experience.

Okay, so the next part is a suggestion that I may have.

Well, I noticed that Mrs.

Spear used a map when she was planning her writing.

And in that map, she had the word then, or transition word that helps the sentences flow together.

So I'm gonna take a look at the sentences, and I want you to look at it with me, and let's see if it makes sense if we add the word then, T, H, E, N, as a transition word for our sentence.

Okay?

Hmm.

I'm thinking the word then could be added to the part where we talk about the cold water.

So what if we say something like, it was time to find goggles, put on sunscreen, and head down to the cold water.

Then something that happens next, a transition, we all went into the water wading out.

So maybe I could add that.

So a suggestion I have.

(bouncy music) So a suggestion I have is to add the word then as a transition.

Now my final form of feedback is a question.

A question I have is, now I've never played the game Red Rover.

So I'm wondering how do four people play the game Red Rover?

Okay, so a question I have.

(bouncy music) So a question I have is how do four people play Red Rover?

So now all I have to do is take a photo of this, and send it to Mrs.

Spear.

So exciting.

(soft music) Now what we're going to do next, we're going to take some time to find three words in her writing.

We're going to be looking for the word great.

What.

And finally, the word by.

So I want you to keep your eyes open, and your detective mind alert, so that when I read these sentences, you find the words by, what, and great.

Let's get ready, here we go.

We all went into the water, wading out.

The kids jumped, and went under.

They came up fast.

We laughed seeing their faces.

Then Matt went out for a swim.

The kids and I looked at shiny rocks.

They wanted to go out by Matt, so I had to go under.

It was cold.

We swim and played Red Rover.

What a great time we were having.

Good job, detectives.

Now continue to enjoy reading, and I'll see you next time.

(soft music) - Hi there, learners.

It's Mrs.

Spear.

I'm really excited to do some writing with you today.

And I have some pretty cool news.

I got a text message from Ms. Rodgers, and it's a photo.

She's giving me some feedback about the story that I've been working on with you about my day at Otsego Lake Park with my family.

So we're gonna look at what she wrote to me, and then I'm going to add some details into my story, and just think about other things I might do in the future as a writer.

When I was looking at her text message, she was telling me about something she liked, and a question.

And she was also telling me something that she might suggest I would do.

The part it looks like I need to look at for my story is going to be on my story map.

So thankful that I have this, it looks like it's right around here in my story.

So what I did is I found that part, so that we can read it together, and then look at the feedback that she has for me.

So it's gonna be in between the beginning part of the story, and getting into the middle part of the story, let's take a look.

The first thing she told me was a compliment.

She said that something that she really liked was the last sentence on this page of my story.

This was the sentence she liked.

What a great time we were having.

Ms. Rodgers said that that really helped her to be able to connect with the characters in the story.

Who are the characters in my story?

Yeah, the characters, the who in my story, would be me, my children, and my husband.

So those are the characters that she felt this line helped her to understand their emotions and how they were feeling on that day.

Really how we were feeling on that day, having our adventure at Otsego Lake Park.

Thanks, Ms. Rodgers, that's a really nice compliment, and I'm glad that it helped you to connect with the story and with the characters.

Let's take a look at the next thing.

Ms. Rodgers had a question for me, and it actually has to do with my illustration, and some words in the story.

I was saying that we swam, and played Red Rover.

Ms. Rodgers says, how do you play Red Rover with four people?

That is such a great question, Ms. Rodgers.

Have you ever played the game Red Rover?

Yeah, you've played it before?

Well, sometimes you can play it in the water, and sometimes you can play it on land.

We play Red Rover in the water by getting into a circle, and kind of holding hands.

So that's what I was trying to illustrate here.

Us in our circle, and holding hands.

And when we say, Red Rover, Red Rover, send Amelia right over, you kind of sneak your legs up, and sneak over the people's hands that are locked together.

So you help lift them up, and they go across the circle, and cross up and over people's arms, and into the water.

Now, if you're playing Red Rover outside, sometimes at school, I've seen kids play this, where you get into two lines, and you send someone over to try and break through from one side to the other side.

So I'm wondering if that's why it was confusing for Ms. Rodgers, 'cause she's maybe only seen kids play that outside.

Well, Ms. Rodgers, I hope that explaining that helps you understand what I meant when I said we played Red Rover, and had a good time together.

Okay, so now it's time to get to a suggestion.

Hmm, it says here that Ms. Rodgers was thinking that I could do something to help the reader.

Oh, it says that she noticed on my story map, right here, there's the word then.

The page right before this talks about all these pieces about the hot summer day, and getting on our goggles, and things.

And then it gets into the part where we're playing, and heading down to the water.

And she said, she thinks I can add the word then into this part right here to help it be clearer for readers.

So let's try that.

She's thinking that right here, I could add the word then, and it would help readers.

Let's read it without then, and then let's read it with then, and think about that great suggestion that she made to us.

So let's now try and read this story, and add the word then as a transition word between this part of the story, and the next part of the story.

It was time to find goggles, put on sunscreen, and head down to the cold water.

Then we all went into the water wading out.

What do you think?

If I add the word then right here, would that help my story, so that readers can more easily read it?

I think it does help.

Thanks, Ms. Rodgers, for that suggestion.

Let's add the word then to this part, so it's clearer for our readers.

(bouncy music) Today, we've been thinking about feedback and revising, and I would like to thank Scholastic and Dr. Nell K. Duke for letting us use this book Inside Information, and some of the pieces from it, as we've gone through our process.

We are gonna think right now about editing.

And in this book, there are some amazing editing checklists.

We can use these editing checklists to help us remember what we're supposed to be doing as writers when we read through, and check our work.

Here are the things that we'll be thinking about today.

The first one is spelling.

I'm going to be making sure I spelled correctly words I have been taught.

Now I'm an adult.

So I'm going to be able to spell words that are first grade words really easily.

But I'd like you to really go back, and pay attention when you reread your work.

Did you spell words that you know how to spell the right way?

If not, no big deal.

You can just fix them right there on your paper, and make them look the right way.

The other thing in spelling is, used letter sounds to spell words I have not been taught.

We practiced that one day together.

I don't know if you remember that, but one day I was showing you how I would spell the word sunscreen if I didn't know how to spell that word.

And we stretched that word out to put as many sounds down as we could hear before we wrote it on the paper.

And then we kept stretching as we broke the sounds down.

So think about that.

In your writing, are you trying that, so you make sure you're using what you know about letters and sounds to be able to spell new words?

Good if you're doing that, and if you haven't been trying that, you can try that now.

Let's think about capitalization.

That means did we remember to put an uppercase, or capital letter at the beginning of a sentence when we're starting a new sentence?

The other thing about capitalization is that we want to make sure, here it says, capitalized dates and names of people.

So if I'm writing in my story about people, their names need to be capitalized.

Or if it's a place, it needs to be capitalized.

The last thing is punctuation.

It says, used a period, question mark, or an exclamation point at the end of each sentence.

Used commas in dates and after words in a list.

So we'll be looking to see if I used punctuation.

One of the things that might help, that we I think talked about on this before, is something that doesn't include spelling, but kind of thinks about these two things with capitalization, it's a little symbol that I've used.

I learned this from a friend a really long time ago.

This is the little symbol.

It looks like an uppercase letter.

So the question is, do I have uppercase letters, spaces between my words, and punctuation at the end of my sentences?

You'll notice commas aren't on here, but we can use this today also to help us as we're going through and checking work, to see with a quick visual if we're remembering to do all the things that we want to be working toward by the end of the year in first grade to be doing.

These are things that by the end of first grade, you'd want to be doing well.

So just keep working on them all year long, and pick something to really pay attention to each time you're reviewing your writing.

(bouncy music) I've already gone through, and done a lot of editing myself on the first few pages, but I'm going to show you specific editing on this page.

This is the page where in this story, things start to turn around, and that wild weather starts to roll in.

We started it with the word suddenly, and I remembered a comma here, but there's another place in this sentence that I realized I needed a comment.

I'll read the sentence to you, and see if you can find the place where I forgot to put a comma.

Here I go.

Suddenly, I felt a bit chilly, and I noticed dark clouds in the distance.

Hmm, can you think about where you might put a comma in my story where I didn't put one yet?

Suddenly, I felt a bit chilly, and I noticed dark clouds in the distance.

Did you find it?

Let me show you where it goes.

Right here, I should add a comma, because this could be its own sentence, and I could end it right there with a period, but I chose to connect it with the word and, so I would need to put a comma right there.

I could make a different decision though.

I could decide I'm going to take the word and out, and make it instead say, suddenly I felt a bit chilly.

Stop, period.

I noticed dark clouds in the distance.

I could do that, but I kind of want to link those two ideas together, that I got cold, and I noticed the dark clouds.

So I'm going to leave it as a compound sentence, but I am going to make sure I put this comma here, so that it's clear that it's a compound sentence.

So let's read it together, and let's pause at the commas.

Suddenly, I felt a bit chilly, and I noticed dark clouds in the distance.

Thank you for helping me to add a comma there.

There's one more spot on the next page that we have to look for a comma.

Let's try and peak together, and see if we can find it.

Okay, now we're going to take a peak at this paragraph here.

I'll read the whole thing to you, but there's a spot where I need to pause and put a comma, and then I'll focus on that sentence.

We kept running.

All of a sudden, a huge popcorn float went by us.

It was crazy.

A woman was chasing after it.

Logan ducked behind a car.

So at this point, there's still more craziness happening in my story.

I think I should focus on this sentence here.

There's a place where I pause, and I need to put a comment.

See if you can find where I pause when I'm reading to you.

Let's go.

All of a sudden, a huge popcorn float went flying by us.

Did you find the part where I paused where I would put a comma?

Where did you think it should go?

Yeah, right here.

It would be, all of a sudden, pause, a huge popcorn float went flying by us.

So I'm going to add a comma right here.

This is a phrase that's a transition.

It kind of gives the reader some more information, like let's you know how fast it's happening, but I could have written that sentence without all of that.

So we put a comma here, at the beginning, at the end of that phrase.

All of a sudden, a huge popcorn float went flying by us.

I could have just said a huge popcorn float went flying by us.

So as you know, authors really take their time to choose their words, and phrases, and they do all of that with purpose.

So now we've gone through, we've looked at our editing checklist, as I told you, I had checked through before, but I was focusing on capitals and spelling.

And as you'll notice, there's places in my story where there's capital letters beginning of a sentence, beginning of a sentence, beginning of a sentence.

This one's the beginning of a sentence, and it's a name, it's my son Logan's name.

So it definitely needs an uppercase letter.

Here you'll see an uppercase letter.

This is for the word Amelia.

That needs to be an uppercase A.

Do you remember why?

Yes, because Amelia is a name.

It's my daughter's name.

So I need to make it capitalized.

So every time you write a name, it starts with an uppercase letter.

See if you can do these things when you're looking at your work.

Okay, we have one last job to do before we're finally done with our story.

We're going to think about a title.

(bouncy music) When I first started brainstorming, writing about my story a while back, this is what I had for a title.

Otsego Lake State Park Day.

I was actually talking to my family about this.

And I said, I really feel like I need some input.

This seems kind of like a boring title.

So my daughter helped me to come up with a title for this, because we were thinking about all the things in the story that happened, that it was kind of a little bit crazy weather, things kept happening all of a sudden that we didn't expect.

At the end, it was still a fun day, even though it was a little bit wild.

So here's what we came up with for a new title.

I'd love to share with you.

Our new title is An Unexpectedly Wild Day at the Park.

So if you think about this title, Otsego Lake State Park Day versus this title, An Unexpectedly Wild Day at the Park, does one of those sound more exciting to you?

Yeah.

Which one sounds more exciting to you?

One or two?

I think number two sounds more exciting too.

And as we get into our story, people will be able to know a little bit more about why it was so unexpectedly wild when we went to the park that day.

I hope that you've enjoyed doing this work with me.

I really enjoyed writing with you.

The next time we get together, we're going to read the whole story from the beginning to the end, so that we can know all of it altogether, and review our writing process.

Thanks for all the hard work.

I hope that you have a great day, and we'll see you next time on Read, Write, Roar.

- [Narrator] This program is made possible in part by the Michigan Department of Education, the state of Michigan, and the W.K.

Kellogg Foundation.

Additional support by, and by viewers like you, thank you.

(soft music)