.

Hello I'm Jennifer Blomquist.

Thanks so much for joining us tonight.

I appreciate you're going to learn a lot as you do every week on this show and I want to remind you that we are live here in the studio on HealthLine.

We'll take your calls live during the program.

In fact, the phone number is already up there for you.

It's (969) 27 two zero.

If you're outside of Fort Wayne, it's still a free call.

You can just put an 866- in front of there and call in.

I want to remind you to in case you're new to this show that you can ask a question live during the show.

They don't just throw you on the air.

You will talk to a call screener first and then they'll they'll allow you to ask the question live if you would like or you also have the option of just letting the call screener know what you'd like to know and they can pass it along to me and I will ask our guests that question.

We have a real treat tonight.

We've been talking so much just everywhere it seems like about mental health .

We're going to be focusing on mental health issues for youth in particular tonight.

>> So we are incredibly fortunate to have two local licensed therapists who specialize in counseling with our young people and they have a wealth of information I'd like to pass on to you and again if you have any questions and I'm sure whether your grandparent teacher or just a friend parent you've probably encountered something along this line or maybe of somebody would like to help out or point them in the right direction.

So please call sooner rather than later.

The show only runs half an hour.

It goes very quickly so please call that number on the bottom of your screen any time during the show.

>> I'm going to go ahead and introduce you now to the two people who have been kind enough to give up their evening to help us out.

Sitting next to me is Laura Friedrich again.

She's a licensed therapist and next to her is Stephen Weaver and also a licensed therapist.

>> We were talking a little bit about before the show I didn't know if you guys wanted to just quickly reiterate that, you know, you are very familiar with children and issues.

They may have you both have a strong background in that and I know Laura, you actually were working with children who are facing some very difficult situations in the past.

>> I started my social work career working with children that were involved in children services in Columbus, Ohio and then I went on to academia for 20 years.

About five years ago I resigned my teaching position and moved to the Thai Burma border.

I was doing anti trafficking work with five to twelve year olds.

Wow, that's amazing.

Yeah, And Stephen, you have a long history to work with youth.

>> Oh if it's that long but yeah it's I was working at the 14th Center for Learning which we see kids of all ages with learning difficulties, disabilities, that kind of thing.

So we're going along with them.

We saw a lot of kids with emotional difficulties too tied to learning so that's what kind spurred me into the counseling realm.

So yeah, that's kind of my first foray into kids but from there, you know, just all those natural for me getting into counseling with kids as well.

I want to point out that both Laura and Stephen are with a nonprofit organization called Crosswinds Counseling and they do a great job of I mean you don't have to just be a child to receive their services.

It's open to anyone of anyone any age.

We're just focusing on children tonight though in our conversation so you I wanted to ask both of you I know that mental health has been at the forefront lately but it seems like it's all they're all pointing to.

It is stemming from the pandemic which you both before the show said that's true.

But there's also mental health issues that are not necessarily pointed to what kids have gone through the last couple of years.

I don't know if we want to start with that.

Some of the things that kids are facing or maybe if you're still seeing a lot of cases stemming from the pandemic.

Well, I think with a pandemic it just going to amp things up a lot.

I kind of have a existential based on what I do and I look at things like freedom.

>> You know, freedom is big for kids just being able to explore and you know, develop in that way where they can self regulate, you know, learn how to handle difficult situations themselves and when they're kind of around parents a lot and the parents are on them a lot, you know, like what happened during covid that just kind of like really gets them anxious and they don't get that that room to kind of grow.

So I think that's that's a big one.

But for me freedom is like a big one to work with kids.

>> But I think that's one of the big reasons also why adults had a hard time during covid as well.

Yeah, you didn't we didn't realize how precious freedom was until it was taken away from us.

It was mandated, you know, out of fear, out of getting in trouble.

>> You know, we had to comply with something.

So yeah, I agree with you one percent.

>> Yeah.

The American Sociological Association also says that part of the nosedive for kids mental health is lack of face to face friendships and interaction and of course that was exacerbated during covid too.

So it's a sort of running for curser but the isolation didn't help things.

>> Yeah.

What about the mask wearing?

Did that set back kids a lot?

I mean I think for most adults it was just annoying.

I just I just thought it was physically annoying but I feel like I could still kind of read people's expressions.

But I'm an adult, you know, for kids I don't I would assume it would have been hard maybe for a kindergartner to, you know, read their teacher's face when they when all they can see is, you know, the you know, not to the top of the nose so.

>> Right.

And I think looking at someone's face you get a sense of emotion, you know, someone expressing their emotions to you and your ability to express it to them.

And when we are covering that part up that affects I hugely development in terms of emotional awareness of someone else and them of us.

>> So it kind of almost in a way I would say Stuntz that a little bit.

So I think that was huge.

The mask wearing although it did, you know, prevent some things.

But I think it I think we have to look developmentally because those during those kid years we form those ruts kind of like those neurons in our brain, that kind just wired together.

And when that mask wearing is kind of what they've done for a long time, it creates those kinds of ruts and when it's taken off it's kind of like a whole new world kind of thing.

You know, I do think kids can rebound from some of the things that maybe would have been traumatic for them.

I mean even if it was just two years.

>> Yeah, yeah.

Anything that's you know, behaviors learned and anything that's learned can be unlearned.

>> So yeah that's good.

Good because that's called neuroplasticity.

So we do wire you know in certain ways we create our own habits but then there's that whole neuroscience thing about neuroplasticity which we can form new connections that's kind of like quitting smoking right?

>> Yeah, sure.

Yeah you have to fight it kind of you can't avoid the pain and I talk to everybody about quitting smoking.

It's like you've got to do it cold turkey same thing with mask they can get over it just kind of dealing with whatever's coming their way, you know in terms of what I call pain.

But whatever but definitely I mean they're taking it all in step I think because it wasn't too long.

>> Well, yeah, In the grand scheme of things I guess you should be grateful it was, you know, at most two years for the kids.

So I do want to get back to talking about that.

But somebody called it wanted me to ask a question for them.

So Danielle called and has a two year old child who is always acting out, has problems listening and throws temper tantrums.

>> I've experienced this before.

Is this normal or should she consult a therapist so well to a two year old sorry two year old child?

>> What would you what would your advice be to Danielle?

>> Well, I know what I would say that is completely normal for a two year old to throw a tantrum.

I think the thing is always look first too.

Don't be a preaching kind of parent.

>> I think parents go immediately to preaching.

You need to stop doing that and the kids just don't understand that the first thing you've got to do is reduce your words.

>> That's a big one because we want to help them learn emotional expression in those times rather than acting out OK ,so so basically what we say is I say two things right?

You're feeling this way you're angry .

You really need space.

You really need this and that way that gets them kind of forming those ruts in terms emotional expression rather than acting out.

And I think that really helps.

But you got to be relentless at doing that rather than preaching or something like that.

>> Well, that's just you know, if you're at the grocery store or you're in church, I think people are trying to quell it, you know, because they don't want to make a big scene and you know, I'll see a lot of you know or putting their hand over their mouth or but I don't know you know, even in the case that I mean if you're what if you are in church or a grocery store, should you just try to at that point you the child still small enough you could pick them up and maybe take them to a different room or something?

Is that what you would do and then give in and say those two things to them for me or do you let them stay Miami from there and embrace that?

>> Okay.

Say this isn't abnormal, right?

We don't take you out and give them given the kind of like notion that this is bad to have this feeling I keep them there and say dude, you know you are really angry.

>> It's OK to be angry.

Maybe you want to tone it down and we can talk together when you're done being angry and what we say is going from the bottom brain to the top brain.

So really just embracing that emotion and then it gets it out gets them out of that kind of tantrum stuff and gets them into more of like I'm going to express this stuff or I'm going to deal with it in a I guess an adult way.

>> Yeah.

Or did you want to add to that maybe.

>> You know I think one of the great things about mental health work is that there are lots of solutions that work and that it depends on the personality of all the people involved.

And so I know sometimes for moms that it feels like they're being judged or they're really uncomfortable letting it unfold.

There's also a school of thought that sometimes it's really embarrassing for the child to have to think back that that's the way I acted in front of other people.

So having an opportunity to sort of escape and have some private time provides other kinds of relief.

The other thing I would say is that sometimes acting out isn't about mental health , sometimes it's about physical health .

>> And so is there something else going on?

Are you sure that the child can hear?

Well, yeah.

>> Is he in pain somehow?

So to make sure that you sort of cover all the bases because overall wellness mental health is part of overall well this but physical health has to go hand in hand with that.

>> I didn't I didn't think about that.

I guess at that age too you're still taking them to the doctor pretty frequently.

I mean I guess it's a great opportunity to maybe run that test your pediatrician and it is the job of two year olds to act that way.

>> Well, yeah, I was they don't call it the terrible twos for nothing.

Right.

So and you know when you were talking about Mom is feeling embarrassed or you know, just uncomfortable maybe having that happen I will say as a mom of six you know, I had plenty of people over the years say honey, you've been there.

Don't worry about it.

You know, I mean you definitely get some people that they must have forgotten that they were once two years older than that maybe their own children did this.

But there are plenty of folks out there that I think are understanding especially since every child like you said.

>> Right.

And we can't have this notion that two year olds can be adults.

You have to see them.

I think what kind of what you said we have to see them as two year olds that are trying to make their way in the world and we're going to kind of connect them in that developmental period rather than saying they must be adults right now.

I think that's what a lot of parents they get frustrated.

They just listen to me, you know.

Yeah, but yeah, that's really important to know that hey, this dude's going through some stuff.

I have a two year old not as an adult.

Yeah.

I mean they're still really babies at that point.

>> So if if they're hurting someone if they're actively hurting someone then you know, run don't walk OK?

Yeah.

Get that taken care of .

All right.

Well that was a great question from Danielle and I want to remind all of you watching that you are free to call.

We're going to keep talking about mental health issues for youth but please feel free to call anytime and interrupt us with your question.

We would love to hear from you again.

It's (969) 27 two zero.

It's still the toll free number in case you're outside of Fort Wayne, just put an 866- in front there.

I wanted to go back to some of the stuff related to the pandemic.

Do you feel like it only impacted school age children or I mean you know, because some of the some kids just weren't in school yet or maybe they were just about to start preschool.

>> Do you think the younger are you seeing younger kids that were impacted or just older ones maybe for me I don't know.

>> I think it kind of remained the same to me.

But you did see some things I say just I always say it's amplified amplified some of the things that are already existing in those families.

So if if you know like couples I think that's important too.

I work a lot with couples and if they're having issues the kids are going to have issues that's that always happens, you know, because the kids will take on some issues to kind of make up for what's happening in that couple diad.

So if they're having arguments a lot, the kid will try to maybe act out in order to take away from that and because those couples are together a lot during the covid time or that kind of stuff that's going to be amplified then the kids are going to even get hired with their emotions and and stuff like that.

So yeah, I think it just amplified some of those problems that are already there.

So yeah, definitely for me I saw anything else you want to say more about younger ones one of again back to the American Psychological Association.

One of the things they say about kids mental health is that sleeplessness has had an impact on it and sort of being out of sync and off of a cycle during covid created some really Warnke sleep patterns for a lot of kids and I mean it's the single best thing you can do is get enough sleep.

>> And so if your sleep is messed up you're going to have a harder time dealing with emotions and trauma and indecision and stress.

>> It's interesting you brought up the whole thing about the sleeplessness and you know now where everyone's out of school now for the summer and that leads to you know, during the school I feel like most families are probably pretty regimented with their schedules because you have to be it kind of forces you to.

>> But I know I admit I'm kind of a slacker in the summer.

You know, I don't make them go to bed super early ever unless we have something important going on the next day.

Is it is that OK?

I mean it kind of worked for us but you know, what would your advice be to parents like is to just kind of give them a couple of months where it's really relaxed, not much of a schedule .

>> I mean that all depends, right?

I think kids need consistency.

They need, you know, rules.

They need bars to achieve and when they don't have bars that that can become a problem.

Right.

So I think like Laura said, sleep is really important.

Right.

And we need to establish good healthy sleep routines.

Good.

>> Whatever they call it, sleep sanitation.

I don't know how something like that also like during the pandemic like nutrition to that kind of fell by the wayside as well as physical activity that that is huge in mental health .

So a lot of these things were being affected but I think yeah, we need to be consistent taking your kid to a organized event like karate.

I always recommend that because that's getting into your body or something even like yoga.

>> I think kids can start yoga early too but that gives them consist see a bar to reach up to and I think that's really important.

So yeah, there's going to I think let them go for a couple of days but you've got to keep that bar up too and that's really important.

All right.

Anything else you want to add before we move on?

Oh I think it's just like a diet one fudge bar won't hurt you boxoffice you guys will sure order a box of donuts from rising.

Yeah, I did once interview a man on his one hundred and seventh birthday and that was his advice to me.

I said, you know, what's your what would you tell everybody, you know who wants to experience longevity like you and he said, you know, don't do too much of anything but do a lot of stuff but don't do too much of one thing.

So uh, obviously worked for him.

>> So we do have somebody else who called and again this is someone who wants me to ask the question for her.

So this was Anna and she wanted to know oh, does the type of schooling that your child has impact social development?

>> So I'm not sure she's referring to homes, maybe homes homeschooling versus you know, and even private public schools, you know, because some of the private schools tend to be smaller individualized public schools a lot of times are more bigger.

>> Do you think that plays a role?

>> I do think it plays a role.

I mean it I don't think one is wrong or more right than another.

But the emphasis of the what gets reinforced in the socialization process changes according to the environment that you're in.

>> Yeah.

And so kids who go to big public schools probably get less one on one they develop oftentimes some more sense of sort of self-government governments because they have to just sort of get their assignments done and they interact with more kids throughout the day.

A lot of times there's been some criticism about homeschooling not having enough sort of other interaction.

Yeah, but the flip side of that is that lots of parents who homeschool also consolidated have if I network yeah.

>> They I see them sometimes go out in groups and do things.

>> Yeah.

So that's important obviously to you that it is kids need more face to face kinds of interaction and relationships.

>> Oh I think it's important.

I think a lot of schools are upping the rigor and they're just giving out a lot of assignments and that's cool during the day let's teach them during the days what I say but when it comes to letting them go at the end of the day they need time to just unwind.

>> See it's just getting more and more.

So I think that type of schooling definitely affects their kind of mental health because if they're bringing home a lot of work I see my daughter because she went to Canterbury.

I'm not saying they're they're pretty good school there is a rigorous yeah.

>> Yeah I'm sure and she was bringing home some work and it's just you know, like a very exacerbated because it's up to like what eight o'clock, nine o'clock and I think that affects your health because you never get that time to just be you know, you always have to do something.

>> So I think that's really important.

>> I agree with you there.

You know, my kids have always gone to public schools but and then then through our church experience religious education.

But you know, we will run into at the high school level some the teachers will say I worry about some of these kids because they feel like they have to be the best and they're taking you can take these advanced placement courses or you know, dual credit which is all college level material, the high school level and they'll say, you know those you know, kudos to those kids but sometimes it is quite a bit I think it gets overwhelming.

So is that I mean is that when a parent should maybe step in and say hey, it's OK that you're not right because I think that's what's happening a lot of times is success success.

You know, you got to get into a good school.

You got to get this kind of job rather than I just like you for who you are.

So that goes into like conditional parenting versus unconditional.

We have to tell these kids we love them no matter what they do.

I think that really affects mental health .

I can say a lot because we want let them know it doesn't matter if you fail, doesn't matter if you succeed.

I still love you no matter who you are and I think that's very important.

>> So I'm glad you I'm glad you said that kids probably don't hear that enough.

But there's also a difference between encouraging someone to be the best that they can be and being the best.

Sometimes there's a big gap between those two things.

Yeah.

In the end up put a lot of pressure on themselves unnecessarily really.

So well of course they just showed me a card a couple of minutes ago that we're down to ten minutes believe it or not.

>> So I think we're even less than that now.

So if you have a question please feel free to call that again.

I would do it sooner rather than later.

Laura and Stephen are only here for a few more minutes and want to take advantage of the expertize that they have to offer us.

So again the number is (969) 27 two zero call with anything you may have regarding youth mental health .

>> I wanted to touch on something we were talking about before the show that you said there's really no I was asking you for like signs to look for if there's an issue because sometimes you know those those of us who aren't in your profession we can miss a lot of stuff.

But Laura, you said there's there's really no cookie cutter guideline to that.

>> It's all individual.

>> There are a few cookie cutter guidelines.

I will say though that one thing in the last 15 years youth suicide has risen by almost 60 percent.

>> That's what I heard.

That's sad.

And there are you know, there are sort of markers to look for for that kids who give away their belongings or you know, it's not we think about it just being I'm so sad.

>> I'm I'm depressed.

I don't want to live anymore.

But kids who have a plan who start to give away their belongings, who are withdrawn I mean some of those things.

>> But as far as anxiety or depression, oftentimes it looks different for different kids and it might look different in different environments and so a teacher might say well they seem really sad but they don't seem sad at home and so it doesn't seem like it lines up or it might seem situational but I mean if there's anything I always thought if they just don't act like themselves, you know and usually I think a parent or a teacher would be the first to notice that.

>> I mean is it OK to should you approach your child or should you go directly to a counselor and let them try and decipher?

>> I think most of the parents that come to cross once with their kids have talked to their kids first OK and then has felt like this is bigger than I know how to deal with or and and and then again it varies.

>> I have one dad who I really feel like is my co therapist.

Oh he does an amazing job and I and I've learned from him as well as being able to work together and then some parents you know, they they are more removed from the process than that.

I was going to say you probably have both of you as therapists have to partner with family members.

It's not just the patient or client that you're working with.

>> I imagine there's so many extended factors right?

>> As a marriage, as a marriage and family therapist.

You look at the whole family system.

I think that's really important because kids don't do things in isolation.

They do things because something else is happening either in family system, either at school or something in that ecology.

That's kind of like why they're doing that.

They're getting called names at school.

They're getting bullied.

They just don't fit in.

They don't belong you know they're not getting freedom at school.

You know, I'm going back to that.

I think that's important for parents to just be curious go with an I motivation for talking to your kid in terms of being curious of , you know, what's going on rather than saying oh, this is going to be depression, I get diagnosed.

No, just listen to them embrace their emotion and listen to them.

That's really important.

And we have to remind ourselves that as parents, you know, I agree there and I know we just have a minute and a half or two two minutes now I just want to quickly just touch on social media.

I think it can be it can do wonderful things but it can also do a lot really horrible evil things.

>> What's your advice?

I mean my children are not allowed to do it now I have two boys going off to college at that point they're probably going to do some but we have not allowed it so far and it's worked for us.

>> But I don't know what your advice would be to other people here.

The media.

>> Yeah, you're the communications guy.

Yeah, well I mean it's going to be different for everyone so I sound like my daughter.

You're not going any social media till thirteen years old.

OK, you can have devices before then just go and what are developmental looks like is every every developmental outlook for a kid is different so definitely go with it but I also would talk with them before they get on social media and I would say don't try not to compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to yourself because that's the only person who really we're trying to better ourselves not be like someone else.

>> I think that's really important to have those kinds of genuine conversations.

Laura, what would your advice be?

Because some I think I mean our kids don't get phones until they're in high school and and again because they kind of need them at that point.

But I see first second graders have phones and they do that makes me nervous.

>> Well, I will just admit my bias is for my my dissertation I wrote about Amish and if I did not need a microwave I could be Amish.

>> So I don't sort glom onto technology personally and I'm and so I'm sort of fascinated by how fascinated kids are and I also get really frustrated with kids in my own family when I think they need to listen with their eyes and put their phone down.

>> And so I know for me in my environment it doesn't work.

Yeah, but you know, people again use for lots of different reasons sometimes as a babysitter sometimes it's a safe alternative.

>> I know that my niece uses it as a as a camera and a zillion other things and so just be careful.

>> It's probably best advice.

All right.

I'm so sorry we are out of time but Laura Friedrich's Stephen Weaver, thank you so much again there with crosswinds counseling.

It's a wonderful group are very blessed to have them in our community.

So take advantage of that if you if you need some help there.

Great resource and I'm Bompas.

Thank you so much for tuning in tonight.

I'll be hosting next week as well.

So tune in then for another evening we can get some questions answered live during our program.

>> Take care and have a good week.

But I